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Rob Ford’s Patois Impersonation Is Better than His Mayoral Impersonation

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Rob Ford, seen earlier this week, teaching a patois vocabulary course while taunting Toronto's Chief of Police.

Update: Rob Ford did, in fact, appear with the infamous Alexander Lisi in a second video that was shot on the same night as the patois rant.

Yesterday afternoon an email popped into my inbox with the subject line “LOL,” and attached was a video of Robbie Ford in a Rexdale food joint called Steak Queen, calling the Chief of Police a bumbaclot, while bragging about his ability to “hide” from last year’s costly police surveillance operation. Wow. Rob Ford’s done it again: a new racially insensitive and blackout drunk temper tantrum from the mayor of North America’s fourth largest city, caught on tape, that’s handed a brand new excuse for City Hall reporters to press Robbie on his very obvious drinking problem and question his alleged connection to criminal activity. Keep in mind, Rob emphatically declared his frequent drunkenness was a thing of the past during various, predominantly American, media appearances (he told Conrad Black “I’ve drank too much at times and I’ve had enough of that… gonna move on”) during his “Sure, I Smoked Crack” press tour late last year.

Unsurprisingly, the newest “Rob Ford Gone Wild” segment caused a meme-storm on the internet yesterday, with Facebook users comparing his patois-laced antics to the time Homer Simpson posed as a Rastafarian at Springfield’s Lollapalooza, while others shared a grotesquely Photoshopped image of Rob Ford with dreadlocks, and of course there's a dancehall remix of Robbie's patois. No one seems to be too offended by Rob Ford’s sloppy patois impression, because at this point the city seems to realize they’re watching the slow disintegration of a booze-addled mad man. That said, there are some other glaring, more serious issues that the release of this latest video has brought to light.

Problem number one is that the mysterious individuals who shot the video—the Toronto Star apparently turned down a $7,500 sale price, to be the exclusive media outlet to leak the news of PatoisGate, which is a far cry from the $200,000 crackstarter of yesteryear—insist that Rob Ford was with Alexander Lisi when he rolled up on Steak Queen; presumably ready to get down on some juicy chicken souvlaki and a bag o’ banquet burgers. If the holiday season washed away your proverbial mental Rolodex of the alleged criminal conspiracy that is Toronto’s mayoral staff, Alexander Lisi has been accused of extortion, by way of threats and violence, in a failed, alleged attempt to erase the crack video from the face of the Earth. He is currently awaiting trial.

If this is true, and it’s hard to verify without seeing Lisi in the video (although the Star seems sure of it) Rob Ford is still palling around with a man who may have tried to suppress evidence of the mayor’s crack use with violence. This is a major issue.

 


A preview of the tantalizing offering of eggs and souvlaki that Steak Queen provides. via UrbanSpoon.

Problem number two, of course, is that Rob Ford has once again lied by going against his promise to stop drinking—because we now know that just leads to him unleashing angry, sometimes murderous, rants in front of hidden cameras.  You would think, by now, after Rob has been filmed smoking crack with gangsters and then, later, impersonating a pro wrestler while making drunken death threats, that he would watch himself in public; and that’s not even addressing the rumours that there are other videos, one showing Rob passed out while gang members wave guns over his head, or the even more troubling rumour that someone is holding onto a Rob Ford sex tape. There’s also the possibility that Rob Ford drove to Steak Queen—although maybe Lisi, his former driver, was sober and had the keys—while he was under the influence of booze and delicious meat; just in case you thought all of the above implications weren’t disappointing enough.

Evidently, Rob Ford is a habitual liar and a chronic evader of tough questions. In the previously mentioned Conrad Black interview, he admits to arguing about semantics to avoid dealing with his offensive blunders; to which Conrad basically pats him on the back and says, “It’s ok, bro.” Rob Ford repeatedly denied the crack tape existed up until the point he no longer could. His staff and other close confidants are no different. Just yesterday, Rob Ford’s brother Doug—seemingly unaware of Robbie’s trip to Steak Queen—denied the footage could have been filmed early Tuesday morning because Robbie was off the sauce, just before Robbie admitted that the video was, in fact, filmed early Tuesday morning; confirming that he lied about sobering up.

I’ve had first hand experience trying to get Amin Massoudi, his spokesman, to comment on a story we ran late last year allegedly connecting him to a plot to destroy the crack tape using a hacker. On the afternoon we broke that story, Rob Ford spontaneously admitted to smoking crack, and our story was washed away; save for a couple of press hits showcasing Amin’s general denial of any and all information that was reported in our piece. Likewise, questions such as “How did Rob Ford meet the gangsters who sold him crack?” “Did he personally order Alexander Lisi to destroy the crack tape?” and “Why does our mayor feel the need to ‘hide’ from the Chief of Police?” will likely never have substantial answers for the public; and yet this man is still the Mayor of Toronto.

We may only be less than halfway through Rob Ford’s embarrassing, self-destructive, political rollercoaster. With the mayoral election another nine months away, there is likely to be another spree of videos, gaffes, and strange personal revelations that will deepen the rabbithole that is Rob Ford’s ongoing campaign of embarrassment. As political competitors emerge to try and take his crown, we’ll have to endure what could easily turn into an immature series of debates where Rob Ford is attacked on his love of steak, impersonating ethnic accents, and crack—while the real issues in the City of Toronto fall by the wayside.

Rob Ford’s greatest offense is arguably his constant hogging of the spotlight away from issues and individuals that need attention, in order to progress the governance of Canada’s largest city. Even if all the various, troubling allegations against him are true—the crack narrative is going stale. Clearly the police surveillance operation didn’t net anything useful that could change the city in any substantial way; and it’s unclear whether Rob Ford’s electorate will stand up for him again. What’s certain is that Rob Ford’s time to step aside is long overdue, and what we’re observing now is the overextended tail end of an immature man, slowly self-destructing while occupying the City’s most coveted position of power. It seems as if it’s a long ride down to rock bottom for Rob Ford, and unfortunately, everyone in Toronto is technically his passenger.

 

@patrickmcguire


I Guess I'm Straight Edge?

A Revenge-for-Hire Business Just Opened in San Francisco

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The man sitting across from me was not named John Winters, but he wanted me to call him that anyway. John was well dressed in a tan suit, seemed to be in his late 40s, and explicitly asked me not to mention his race. We’d made plans to meet up in the disproportionately homeless and crack addled Tenderloin district in San Francisco to discuss his revenge-for-hire website, NefariousJobs.com. He explained over e-mail that, “People in the [Tenderloin] tend to mind their own business, in the [Financial District] it seems everyone has an ear open.” Sitting in the corner of a deserted tiki bar, save for the old Korean woman uncapping our Blue Moons, it felt like a cheap aping of every bar scene in the last season of Breaking Bad; nobody around, hushed tones, startled glances at the door as nobody came in because 3 PM on a Wednesday.

Right off the bat, the whole thing reeked of scam. After visiting their Geocities-style website, covered in off-sized stock photos and clip art, I assumed it was a joke. At worst, I thought it could be a desperate attempt by teenagers to cash in on emotional suckers who’d pay the $1,850 to $10,000 for overly-vague descriptions of revenge and be too embarrassed/legally fucked to get their money back. Their blog was seemingly written by an angry Russian with a weak grasp on the English language, “When backed into a corner with direct confrontation. The smart ones use us, and destroy their enemies without ever being seen or noticed.”

Despite all the evidence to the contrary, there was John, sitting with me and claiming his operation was totally aboveboard. As we began our chat, he seemed excited to explain the legitimacy of his company.

VICE: How long has NefariousJobs been around?
John Winters: About ten months.

How did that happen?
We actually started because we were investigators with another firm here in San Francisco, and we decided to branch off because we discovered that the requests we were getting were becoming more and more “exotic," you could say. Eventually we said, hell let’s just go completely nuts with it, and offer a whole range of packages for people who need to “balance the scales,” so to speak.

The packages on your site are all extremely vague. You don’t promise anything concrete at all.
That’s necessary. I mean, every situation is a little bit different. Every package has to be tailored to the specific situation. Say somebody came along and broke up you and your girlfriend, and now you decide you want to break them up. We can completely fabricate a woman and have her call them up and go, “Hey, we’re having an affair, he’s a cheater.” Or, what seems to work best is going and doing a comprehensive background investigation on the individual who she’s left you for.

How would you do something like that?
Well, that’s easy. You can go to Intelius and do that nine times out of ten. They’re public record, any arrests or things like that, and a lot of individuals have domestic charges, fraud charges, all kinds of terrible things that they’ve done, anything this lady might not be aware of. We make that information known to her, and before you know it… over. But this is all hypothetical, I can’t speak on specific cases.

What else could you hypothetically do to someone?
Well, our most popular right now is our Boss Breaker. Hypothetically what might’ve happened recently was that a particular division of the company had a boss that’s a complete jackass, but you know, there’s nothing the subordinates can do. They call us up. We will, at their request, send a hypothetical pile of dog shit to the company CEO from that individual, and send, uh, send faxes with that person’s face flipping the bird to every fax machine that they have, saying, “I quit, you lousy sons-of-bitches.” The truth is that it doesn’t matter if it came from him or not. The company’s mad, he gets fired, and the client is happy.

A real screenshot from this very real website.

OK. So, how much of your business comes from clients going on your website?

Well, everybody checks out the website. You have to take a look and find the package that works for you. We usually get an email from the people, we let them know our terms of service, and we have a very strict confidentiality policy. Technically, we are a pranks website. We do pranks.

I know this is a pointed question but, is any of this illegal?
No.

Honestly, it seems like this would be in violation of some harassment and stalking laws, at the very least.
Truth is, there’s really a fine line. We go through our legal [department] every time we do an operation, to know what we can or can’t do. Also, we work extensively overseas with a lot of our workers. We have over 100 contract computer scientists.

That kind of sounds like you found outsourced freelancers on oDesk or Elance.
Well, no. That’s where we initially got our core team actually, oDesk, but once we locked them down, they take jobs on commission from us when we need them. We’ve also got about ten guys in our local core team. My first career, I was a cop. Hated it. Corporate security for a very long time, hated it. Investigations, was bored with it. I spent twenty years in that field.

Can you tell me about the Total Annihilation?
I can tell you pieces. Can’t tell you all of it, but basically it’s where we dedicate a team of eight guys to work 24/7 until it’s finished. Our job is [to] basically delve into every aspect that we can of this person's life and existence to find ways to tear it down. We’ll go after everything from personal life to professional life, business contacts, all of it.

Hypothetically, what would be a specific terrible thing that you would do as part of this top-tier package? 
Okay… let’s say hypothetically… you have a client who… OK, so first of all let’s say he’s a lawyer. And so the first thing you do is go through his Rolodex community, and after that we will put out whatever negative information would do the most harm. We’ll make press releases. We’ll even launch a website so that anytime someone searches their name, our site will come up. I know it sounds really, really sleazy, but that’s just how it is sometimes.

So for $10,000 you say you’ll hire eight guys full time for a month. Even at minimum wage, you're paying well over ten grand. The second month only costs $500. How do you do that and turn a profit?
No. We have one oversight who’s here in the US, and the rest we all outsource, and in the end, relatively inexpensively. It’s not unique. There are other companies who do the same things, but we are probably getting to be one of the best.

And what do you do to assuage new customers that you won’t just take their money and run?
That’s a question we get very regularly, and it rests on two important factors. Number one is that we only accept payment through PayPal, and we have an excellent rating with PayPal. Number two, you can check any scam reporting website, or online, anywhere, you won’t find anything on us. Not a thing. There shouldn’t be anything positive or negative

Because of the nature of your business…
Yes. But if we were scamming people, it would come out.

Seems like having a very prominent searchable online presence would encourage unwanted attention. Have you had any heat from law enforcement?
None. We didn’t go deep web with this. We wanted very basic. Our website? That’s a Shopify website. We’re not hiding.

That’s what was so surprising to me. It’s so brazen in its delivery while saying so little up front.
Law enforcement has not questioned us, in part because even if they knew it was us doing it, it’s pretty hard to prove it. Like I said, anything that’s coming from us is coming from offshore. We don’t do anything here.

Do you have a list of “Won’ts”?
OK, nothing physical. Umm… if the client seems like they’re entirely too interested in the outcome. I mean, everybody wants revenge but they need to be prepared that it won’t turn out the way they want it to, and we don’t guarantee any particular outcome. All we can do is set into motion a series of events which will probably have the desired outcome. Jesus Christ, just recently we started a new package, and it’s because we had so many women asking for the Relationship Breaker operation against guys who had sexually assaulted or raped them. So we started the Sexual Assault Revenge package. The interesting thing about that is that we do not under any circumstances mention the sexual assault. We just go after him in every other way, and the good thing about that one is that [our workers] actually feel good when we’ve done one of those. The girl comes and tells us all these things that have happened, some of these 10-15 years ago and they never got closure, and so we get them back. I mean, in all honesty, I’m pretty amazed by all the angry people out there. People are pissed as hell, and it’s an unfortunate reality, but there is a huge market for it.

What’s the worst thing someone’s asked you?
To kill someone

And that was a no.
I told them straight up, “Here’s how this works. Do not email us, do not call us. We strongly advise for your own safety, and since you don’t want to go to jail, you desist with that particular operation. Because if we feel at any time you may actually do so, we will alert the authorities.” Not fucking around with that. Don’t like murderers and killers. Fucking scumbag work.

Have you been asked to do something to someone with a high profile?
Well if they want to be a client, that’s fine, but we don’t act against public figures. And no judiciary, no law enforcement, no military, no intelligence services. We're very serious about that in our terms of service. Don’t even ask us for that.

Do you turn down a lot of cases?
We really only turn down one or two every so often, but I mean, we are expensive, and that pricing keeps us at a certain level. We don’t get a lot of bottom feeders. Some people just want to hurt people. Jilted lovers are the hardest, women in particular. Women probably make up the majority of our clients. They get pissed off at a former lover, or a boyfriend who is getting married, and they want us to break up the marriage. We tell them no, and they’re like “what do you mean, 'no'?”

Why would you not tackle that?
It has to feel right, honestly. It has to be of a certain quality, and that’s hard to define until you look at the case file.

Do you feel an ethical or moral responsibility?
Oh, yes! The things we’re doing have very serious repercussions in people’s lives. Not to say they won’t find someone else to do the work, but I walk a very delicate karmic balance. Very delicate.

@jules_su

VICE News: Syria: al Qaeda's New Home

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Three years ago, an uprising against the Assad regime turned into what looked like a straightforward civil war between Syrian government forces and rebels. However, over time, what had started as a largely secular opposition movement began to take on more of a radical Islamist tone, with two al Qaeda offshoots – the Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham (ISIS) and Jabhat al-Nusra – becoming the dominant forces on the ground across the rebel-held North.

One VICE filmmaker managed to secure unprecedented access to both al-Qaeda factions battling Syria's government forces, despite the risk of journalists being kidnapped. This is a remarkable portrait of the foreign volunteers and local Syrians willing to fight and die to establish a new caliphate on Europe's doorstep.

Watch also: British Nationals Fight With al Qaeda in Syria

Montreal Isn’t All That Close To Having Supervised Injection Sites

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A shot of InSite, a safe injection site in Vancouver. Photo via.

If you have a Google Alert set up for "supervised injection site," you probably already know that Montreal's Public Health Department is lobbying to get four new supervised injection sites for drug addicts. Except, chances are, the department won't be successful. There’s plenty of red tape to follow, no anticipated date of opening, and no guarantee that any sites will actually open. Particularly not anytime soon.

Here’s what happened: on December 11, Montreal’s Director of Public Health filed a funding request to Quebec’s provincial health ministry, asking for $3.2 million in start-up money and $2.7 million annually to run four safe injection sites. That request hasn’t been approved yet; and Quebec’s health ministry did not return any of my calls asking for an anticipated date for a decision.

“We have great hopes that it’s going to work out,” says Amélie Panneton, communications director for Cactus, a local support centre for addicts, which would house one of the supervised injection sites. “Things could also go really fast and get approved quickly and open in the summer. But at this point it’s all speculation.”

Presuming the provincial government agrees to fund the project, there’s another major hurdle to cross. It would then need to file an application to the federal government for the sites to be exempt from Canada’s drug laws. But the Conservative government has been hostile to Canada’s only operating supervised injection site (SIS), InSite, in Vancouver, refusing to renew the centre’s exemption in 2008, which had originally been granted by the Liberal government in 2003. It was only after a lengthy court battle that in September 2011 the Supreme Court ruled against the Conservatives, ruling that InSite’s benefit to society trumped Canada’s drug laws.

Since then, the government introduced Bill 65, later renamed Bill C-2, which they’ve dubbed the “Respect for Communities Act.” The Bill places 27 conditions on any exemption application. It hasn’t passed yet, and is currently in its second reading stage.

Even the office of Montreal’s public health authorities, who prepared the exemption request, admit the bill could cause problems. “We won’t hide our concern about some aspects of Bill C-2, particularly with regard to the power granted to the Minister of Health Canada, who will have the last word on applications and how the government will take into account the views of the community,” they said in an e-mail.

Most of the requirements have to do with providing detailed scientific studies of drug and crime usage of the areas in which the SISs operate. The Bill’s language doesn’t state how these studies would be assessed, and also puts in other requirements, such as a 10-year criminal background check for anyone who works there.

“It was anticipated that when the Supreme Court supported Insite, it was considered likely they would come up with some sort of new criteria. But instead of following what the Supreme Court said, they made it harder,” said Mark Tyndall, an Ottawa doctor specializing in infectious diseases, who helped set up InSite and subsequently researched the effects it had on its local environment. He noted he wasn’t against providing information in order to convince local community members it was a good thing, but that the potential new regulations would go beyond that.

“All the issues people continue to bring up have been basically been dealt with. To me it seems should be pretty straightforward. Now it’s the same old tired arguments.”

Another potential roadblock is the condition that the head of the police has to provide a letter along with any future exemption requests giving his or her opinion on the site, and outlining any security issues. A Montreal police spokesperson told me that the department had no official stance on safe injection sites. I asked whether the police chief provided a letter, but they haven’t gotten back to me.

The required opinion of police chiefs, as well as the other municipal and provincial authorities could cause even bigger problems for other cities. Tyndall said he is working on an exemption request for potential site in Ottawa, but in that case the police have come out against the idea, and public political support has been nonexistent.

“We’ve been in contact with many politicians and they’ve given us a variety of opinions. But no one's going to come out publicly and support it for political reasons. And in Ottawa the police have publicly come out against it,” he says.

People dreaming of a speedy decision should probably take pause. The effort to create safe injection sites in Montreal dates back to the formation of a provincial committee on cocaine addiction in 2000, which recommended the creation of designated injection and care sites for addicts in downtown Montreal. In 2003 the provincial government asked Montreal’s health authorities to conduct a feasibility study to create supervised safe injection sites, but the resulting project, P.L.A.I.S.I.I.R.S, was an addict support network that did not provide supervised injection.

It was only after being pressured by a coalition of 30 community groups in 2010 that the feasibility study was taken up again, finally being published in 2011. The funding request was supposed to be submitted in 2012, but only came at the end of 2013 in order to be better prepared. In other words, it’s taken 13 years to get to this point in Montreal alone, and there’s no telling how long the next steps will take.

For people like Tyndall, the delay is absurd. As part of Montreal’s funding request, it had to provide a cost analysis arguing that the centres would provide a net profit to the Quebec healthcare system within four years, which he says should be obvious.

“Just think of the costs of the reducing the rates of infection of HIV and hepatitis alone. But people don’t factor other costs into this. There's nobody asking the police how much they're spending throwing people in jail. Nobody is asking hospitals how much they're spending on drug treatments. I think it would pay for itself within a month,” he said.

“This should be a very boutique issue. If you had a breast cancer clinic opening up, would you ever have the mayor involved? It should be a health care issue.”

Panneton says that one hope is that the government follows the lead of Australia’s centre-right governments, which she says embraced the sites as a tool for social control. “That’s obviously not the way we see things, but maybe our government could see it that way. We could be surprised by the outcome.”

With files from Stephanie Mercier Voyer.

Teenagers Are Being Bullied to Death on Ask.fm

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A screenshot of the latest teenage bully's paradise. 

You know that burn when you drink a can of Coke too fast, but you don’t want to stop because it’s so damn tasty? Or that craving for a cigarette despite your nagging smoker’s cough? There seems to be something inside of us that makes us want what we know isn’t good for us. 

Teenagers, bless them, with their pimples and raging hormones, are no different. Maybe even worse, seeing as the few forceful lessons one usually learns in high school (hopefully) make you less of an idiot. There’s an insatiable desire to do things, or know things, even when the pit in your stomach and the voice in your head is telling you that ignorance is probably bliss. Throw that in the stew of high school society, gossiping and backstabbing, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

It’s possible that this human desire to know (or be known) is why a website like Latvian-based Ask.fm has sprung up, shooting to popularity with over 50% of its user base being under 18. Launched in 2010, Ask.fm first gained traction in Europe, rising to over 80 million users by 2014. It is now one of the 200 most visited websites in the world. The site is basically the more successful version of Formspring (remember that?). You create a profile and others anonymously post questions on your profile page for you to answer. In short, it takes the whole, “What did that bitch say about me?” and, “Do you think he likes me?” school locker conversation, makes it anonymous, and puts it online.

The anonymity of the site makes it a cyber-asshole’s ultimate playground. We should all know by now that anonymity is often a license to be a shitty person with no repercussions. And while it might give us a sense of empowerment to step outside of our own skin for a moment, when you push the pendulum too far, empowerment becomes bullying. One of the more extreme examples of this can be found within the Ask.fm network, which has been linked to nine different suicides in the past two years, prompting the Telegraph to call it the “suicide website,” and David Cameron, Prime Minister of the UK, to call it, “vile.”

The tragic deaths, all involving children and teenagers between the ages of 12 and 17, began in Ireland. The problem then spread with the site’s popularity, to Britain and North America. Since the deaths are occurring in multiple countries (and the site is hosted in Latvia to boot), it seems nearly impossible that universal laws addressing the matter will be popping up any time soon.

Rebecca Sedwick, the latest victim, was from Florida. On September 10th, 2013, 12-year-old Rebecca jumped to her death from a silo in Lakeland, Florida, after changing her name on social media sites to, “That Dead Girl.” She was actively and mercilessly bullied through Ask.fm as well as other platforms—a forceful reminder of the shit that teens can go through, day in and day out. Bullies between the ages of 12 and 14 wrote on her Ask.fm page, “go kill yourself,” “why are you still alive?” and “you seriously deserve to die.” And because these disgusting messages were sent anonymously, Rebecca was never able to be sure who was saying it.

Rebecca was pulled out of Crystal Lake Elementary, homeschooled, and was later enrolled at Lawton Chiles Middle Academy. The uniting factor through these changes was social media presence that allowed her own personal hell to follow her no matter where she went.

A cursory browsing of the site shows that Ask.fm ranges from benign to intrusive. Every page seems to be host to some derogatory comments and drama, but usually this is balanced out by an equal amount of flattering posts. All pages are public, and most users are between 14 and 16.  It’s easy to see how this kind of thing is adored by the popular set in high school; it’s a never ending stream of, “OMG so beautiful love you <3.” But for those who are not the chosen few, it’s open season for the haters. The kids like Rebecca were more likely to wake up to things like, “nobody even cares about u,” or, “your [sic] fat go lose some weight,” on their page for the world to see, all day every day. And because most social media platforms are linked to each other, shutting down your Ask.fm or Facebook page will just send the bullies to your Twitter notifications or text message inbox.

Many people have jumped on Ask.fm, calling for it to be shut down. Facebook groups, online petitions and parents of victims have joined the fight against the site that they blame for these deaths. After the death of 14-year-old Hannah Smith on August 2, 2013 in Britain, the founders of the site, Mark and Ilja Terebin released an open letter, trying to deflect bad press.

“We would like to reassure all users and parents of users that we are committed to ensuring that our site is a safe environment,” the statement said. “We do not condone bullying of any kind, or any form of unacceptable use of our site.”

“Bullying is an age-old problem that we in no way condone—and while its evolution online is disturbing, it certainly is not unique to our site.” Which in my opinion, reads like pointing the finger at the internet in general and whining, “But guys, they’re doing it too!”

The problem most often brought up with Ask.fm is the lack of safety features; the site originally had no way to report offensive content and encouraged self-moderation over strict rule enforcement. They have since added a button to report content, but maintain that self-moderation is a fair policy.

But McGill associate professor Shaheen Shariff asks, to what extent can you blame a website? While legally the site is not responsible for the suicides of their users, Shaheen who is also the founder of cyberbullying and digital citizenship research website Define the Line, believes that when it comes to moral grounds, “The people who are developing these social media sites really need to reconsider what they’re doing.”

“On one hand, they’re making a lot of money for the people who develop it, but on the other, it’s getting a lot of kids into trouble. And we keep talking about the moral framework and the ethics among youth who are involved in things like this, but what about the moral disengagement among adults, who are so keen on developing this technology and making a lot of money, but really not thinking about the implications on society?”

But far from blaming the website, Shaheen says the responsibility for these events falls squarely on the shoulders of shifting societal trends with which parents and teachers need to keep up in order to keep kids safe.

“The norms of communication have shifted,” says Shaheen, “so there seems to be a higher threshold for insults, jokes and put downs that have become acceptable. I don’t think this has been initiated by teens, I think this has been initiated by society and popular culture.”

When it comes to playing the blame game, Shaheen’s student, lawyer Nima Naimi, who specializes in online bullying, thinks that Ask.fm is as innocuous as Facebook.

“I don’t think the intention of Ask.fm is to be harmful,” he says. “I think their intention was to attract users, and in doing so they’ve used the promise of anonymity, which in turn causes problems. Anonymity allows kids growing up in this environment to be completely uninhibited. They’ll say more, they’ll do things that they wouldn’t normally do, and they’ll do it online instead of in real life.”

The answer, she contends, lies in education for teens and stronger laws against bullying and cyber bullying. In Canada, the government has introduced Bill C-13, purported to address these issues. But C-13 has come across as highly controversial; while it does tackle the issue of sharing intimate images online, a problem that has lead to two Canadian girls committing suicide, it’s got a lot more than cyberbullying stuck in the fine print. The bill would greatly increase the authorities’ surveillance capabilities, while also adding provisions dealing with terrorism and, weirdly enough, stolen cable signals. This makes me wonder if there's a way to address teenage cyberbullying without messing around with our privacy rights. Obviously, it’s going to be difficult to get the Canadian government to formulate laws that will properly address the issue while also dancing on the fine line between protection and invasion of privacy.

From an education standpoint, at least, programs like Shaheen’s Define the Line are aiming to help teens understand the consequences of going too far. But, considering one of the teens accused of being responsible for bullying Rebecca Sedwick has said she, “doesn’t feel that she did anything wrong,” it’s obvious that the message hasn’t sunk in yet. These kids are too young, too naive, and too immersed in a society that even so-called adults don’t properly understand. It’s impossible to force teens to be nice to each other, as every generation slogging their way through high school will testify to; but having to ask them not to encourage each other to kill themselves is both sad and frightening.

Soylent's First Consumer-Ready Batch Passed $2 Million in Orders

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Soylent's First Consumer-Ready Batch Passed $2 Million in Orders

A Visit to the World's Largest Porn Convention

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Sex sells. From sandpaper to steak, there is seemingly nothing it can't be used to market—save baby formula. That being said, I'm sure a think tank of modern Mad Men are currently trying to eroticize the formula game. Of course, sex is best at selling itself, which makes the Adult Entertainment Expo business as usual; emphasis on business. A literal circle jerk for folks who make their living off lasciviousness, combined with a lil' somethin' for fuck fans—and by "a lil' somethin'," I mean, "the opportunity to take awkwardly staged photographs with bored looking women in sheer shirts"—the self-proclaimed "World's Largest Adult Trade Event" is a veritable smorgasbord of smut, all of which can be possessed for a price.

The Adult Entertainment Expo takes place where events of its ilk should take place: Las Vegas, aka Xanadu for mouth breathers; where the cocktail waitresses are already conveniently dressed like sex objects. In the casino that surrounded the expo (Hard Rock, natch), degenerate gamblers refused to look up from the slot machines they were vacantly poking at, not even to gawk at the scantily clad ladies go-go dancing right in front of them. Countless others, I'm sure, sat in the rooms above, watching television on their vacations. Vegas, baby! Vegas!

Hundreds of superfluously absurd, "cutting edge" novelties littered the brightly lit expo floor: eerily emotionless Real Dolls modeled after porn stars, weed pipes designed to fit snugly on the edge of a dick so users can simultaneously smoke bowls and deliver blow jobs, Heeldos, "the First Strap-On Harness for Your Foot," vibrators that also charged your smartphone, brightly colored exercise balls with veiny phalluses attached to them, plush bears designed to stimulate your nether regions with their terrifying looking tongue nubs. In one booth, an enterprising man in an ill-fitting suit sold dick pills and made a killing. He was, after all, amongst his target demo.

Citizens and exhibitors alike wandered unperturbed around the room, which was filled with a combination of novelties and the sort of garbage you'd find at any trade fair—bedazzled cell phone cases, ceramic hair straighteners and the like. The fact that both coexisted in perfect harmony emphasized that this, for all intents and purposes, was your garden variety convention. Less than a century ago, it was a federal offense to send pornography through the mail. The overwhelming normalcy with which pussy-eating teddy bears was treated, however, proved how far we've evolved, or devolved, depending on who you ask.

I couldn't help but view the unnecessarily innovative products surrounding me as byproducts of a world in which mere intercourse was no longer interesting enough to get us off, just as life is no longer enough to satisfy us. The "extreme-ification" of products, be they in the fields of beverages or pornography, is becoming the norm. The AVN Awards, which ran in tandem with the expo, handed out trophies in categories like "Best Older Woman/Younger Girl Release," "Best Double Penetration Sex Scene" (of which there were 15 nominees), "Best Orgy/Gangbang Release," and "Best Squirting Release." A film nominated in the "Most Outrageous" category was called 50 Guy Cream Pie 9. Which, to be fair, was pretty outrageous. But also the ninth in a series. These categories, needless to say, did not exist when the AVN Awards first started in 1984.

Beyond the expo hall, in the darkly lit fan area, egregiously loud pop music blared as porn stars sat behind card tables and unenthusiastically awaited their perverted public. Like moths to a flame, men trudged toward these interchangeably hot women, who, when not engaging with the male gaze, tapped away at their iPhones. Silently and single-mindedly, they slowly wandered the halls in huge, amoeba-like packs, unable to look at or think about anything but precious poon. Their posture was hunched; they tried in vain to obscure their erections.

One, dressed like a mid-level manager, nodded off in the hall. I spotted him on the first day of the expo; white, bald and overweight, with an enormous camera rested in his lap, he was already spent. He appeared overwhelmed, and rightfully so; it must have been exhausting to be the most stereotypical man there. The list of of expectations he had to live up to was endless. Yawning, he held the huge lens of his expensive camera in his lap like an erection. Men with similarly ornate cameras were everywhere, their long lenses acting as penis surrogates. They walked the halls cradling them against their legs, when they weren't focused on taking artless photos of scantily clad women. Wandering in the path of a man taking photos always resulted in one of three outcomes:

  1. Complete obliviousness to my existence
  2. Acknowledgement of my existence coupled with a refuse to budge
  3. Budging, but doing so with a look of utmost contempt.

The argument could be made that it takes a specific kind of creep to be so into pornography that they want to attend a convention that celebrates it. The crowd, however, didn't exclusively consist of obese baldies—although they were there in spades. All ages, genders, and races were accounted for. Painfully average-looking couples, some hand-in-hand, carried around bags filled with lube samples and signed headshots of their favorite performers. Regardless of demographic, all patrons walked around silently zombified. Overwhelmed by stimulus, they wandered the halls and gawked in a mindless daze. The more I wandered, the more mindless I became. My loss of cogency in light of my hardcore surroundings, however, made sense. Sex, and by proxy pornography, appeals solely to the lizard brain's base-level need to procreate. And by "procreate," I mean, "watch two heterosexual women with tans half-heartedly finger each other."

As a woman pole-danced, the expo's resident DJ played a song wherein the protagonist yammered on and on about watching a woman's "pussy twerk." He requested she "make that pussy work" and "drop that pussy, bitch." The pole dancer willingly obliged his demands. As a bitch myself, I was offended by the song's misogyny, in much the same way other bitches might be offended by the perceived misogyny of the expo. The song, however, wasn't recorded for the expo. It already organically existed in a world gone gauche. If a single ballroom could exist as proof of society's ongoing devolution, this was it. Idiocracy, it appeared, was becoming real, yet I felt nothing.

Despite what you may think at this point, I am not uptight. I have no problem with people unfurling their freak flags. I've seen my fair share of pornography. Hell, I used to edit and review it. It's not that I'm a prude, or was disgusted, or turned off. I was just bored. I was stuck in the living, breathing, twerking embodiment of the internet.

Sex was absolutely fucking everywhere, so much so that I quickly became wholly desensitized to it. What did that mean? Was that why 50 Guy Cream Pie is currently in its ninth iteration? Is that why sex is used to sell steak? (Incidentally, have you ever tried to fuck after eating a steak? You can't. But I digress.) Why did everything, in culture in general, have to be so fucking tasteless? And why did I sound so old for asking that question?

I'm 30, for Christ's sake; I should be used it by now. I had the internet in my bedroom when I was a preteen, and you better believe I used it to have cyber sex with creeps and look at pixelated BMPs of tits. Maybe the problem lies in the fact that I'm too used to it. Maybe we all are. The Supreme Court defines obscenity as material where the "dominant theme taken as a whole appeals to the prurient interest" and that the "average person, applying contemporary community standards" would disapprove of. But if today's average person revels in their prurient interests, does obscenity no longer exist? Or does that mean everything's obscene?

Every day, after taking all I could stand, I listened to NPR in my car, my logic being it was the polar opposite of the sound and fury of the expo. The soft, dulcet tones of Terry Gross reminding me of her name (Terry Gross, in case you were wondering) sat in sharp contrast to the aggression of the world I just wandered through. On the days I listened, the subjects of Fresh Air were the rise of the KKK and the rise of Fox News. Struggling to pay attention, I let the words wash over me. Still brain-dead, I absorbed nothing.

I listened while driving down the Strip, which was remarkably similar to that of the convention: people with mouths agape, slowly shuffling down the street, blindly taking whatever was handed to them, often escort business cards from non-English speaking men wearing shirts that said "Orgasm Clinic." Entranced by it all, they crossed the street without looking both ways. Billboards of broads sold them a lifestyle they couldn't afford, just as the expo sold its own unreachable goal of fucking like a porn star. It didn't matter what the goal was, so long as it was unattainable.

I drove through the desert to get to Vegas. While it seemed, on the surface, to be one of the last untouched places on Earth, the garish hand of modern day was everywhere: billboards with tits on them, abandoned buildings crumbling into the dust they were built on and marred with graffiti. Every night, after the expo closed for the day, I'd return to my room at the tits-themed Hooters Hotel and Casino. There was no escape. This was the new normal. RIP cogency.

@bornferal


Satoshi Kawamoto's Garden Art Is to Die For

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If tonight didn’t solidify my love for Satoshi Kawamoto's plant-chalk-illustration-hybrid brain-children, I don't know what would. I trekked through one of the worst New York City snowstorms of the season to the Nepenthes Gallery, where Mr. Green Fingers has an exhibition and pop-up shop. For those of you who are not familiar, Satoshi Kawamoto is a garden stylist and chalk artist from Tokyo who conceptualizes and builds these beautiful living worlds using plants, illustrations, and handwritten typography.

He is also my artist crush. 

On my way there, I was thankful for the shitty weather. I would have some extra breathing, viewing, and drinking room in the gallery space. I was wrong. The place was packed. There was great fashion to be seen on both the guests and on the racks, but I couldn't help but look up. Satoshi's chalk and plant illustrations lined the walls that trailed through the space and eventually upstairs to his pop-up shop. He had totes, terrariums, and T-shirts! There were enough succulents to feed an army of starving artists in NYC. All of the goodies were beautifully merchandised. His aesthetic is clean and simple, with a touch of whimsy. You could imagine the thought behind the placement.

I fought through to find the man of the hour, shook his hand, and picked his brain for a moment. What I love about this guy is his warm, happy energy and, most importantly, how humble he is. There is something so innocent and playful about him. 

Satoshi brings his illustrations and spaces to life with what he referred to as "green expression." Plants, to him, have a strong presence and communicate as their own medium. You've seen artists create and communicate through painting and sculpture for years, but these garden creations offer something a little different. They portray a liveliness and playfulness within a canvas creating multilayered environments. His pieces are truly living organisms.

He told me that people usually associate green and plants with healing and this sense of calm. The aspect that he sees and celebrates is that they're alive and that they have a dirty side to them. In his "Green or Die" exhibit he created 11 large-scale pieces in about two weeks. His work showcased illustrations of body parts using plant life and chalk. They represent the process of life in a state of decay.

Satoshi expressed his appreciation for his projects in the US—mainly, we let him do whatever the hell he wants because we love his brain. We celebrate him for who he is. Last night was a celebration, to say the least. It is a great thing to see talent paired with such a positive and kind spirit.

We've got great pictures in the gallery above, but if you’re in the NYC area, you've got three weeks to check out the exihibit.

More from the author at Life of a Paperdoll

This Guy's On a Quest to Save London's Death Row Dogs

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Niall Lester with Dru in the room where he was found after being abandoned

If you don't have a soft spot for abandoned dogs, you're a monster. There's something supremely shitty about adopting a dog – toddlers with four legs and a better appetite, essentially – just to abandon it in an industrial site or a park or by a motorway when you realise you haven't got yourself together enough to look after it properly.

When and if these dogs are picked up by animal services, they have a week or two to be claimed or picked up by a shelter before they're destroyed. Niall Lester works as an animal welfare officer for Dartford council and makes it his mission through his New Hope Animal Rescue charity to save as many of these "death row dogs" from euthanasia as possible, housing some of them in his own home.

Photographer Georgie Mason has been documenting Niall and the dogs he saves for months, so I caught up with her to talk about the saviour of South East London's purposefully lost dogs. 

Niall with Tyson

VICE: Hi Georgie. How did you become involved in Niall's work?
Georgie Mason: I met him last year after I photographed him for another project, which was based on the relationship between people and their dogs. I was immediately drawn to Niall’s personality, passion and overall hectic life, and desperately wanted to explore more about him and his work. I then decided to base my final major project at university last year on Niall and the issue with dog abandonment.

Niall with Marsha the Staffordshire Bull Terrier

Are you aware of how any of the dogs ended up being abandoned? 
All the photographs in the series so far are based on the stories of the dogs' lives beforehand. For instance, the third photo in the series tells the story of a Staffordshire Bull Terrier, Marsha, who was living feral on the Erith Marshes in South East London for ten months after she was abandoned, before Niall rescued her in the summer of 2012. We then went back to the marshes to take this photograph.

The last shot in the series was taken in a vet’s room to revisit the place where a Staffy cross named Blaze was due to be put to sleep. She was taken into the vets by her owner, who no longer wanted her after she went blind as a puppy. She was then on death row, and, just before her time was up, Niall rescued her from that vet’s room, minutes before euthanasia. Each of the photographs in the work are based on going back to the spots of rescue, so each of them have a different story to tell about why, where and how that dog was abandoned.

Is the series also supposed to be a statement about killing dogs if no one claims or re-homes them?
I’d say it definitely highlights that issue too, yeah. That's particularly evident in the last shot I talked about, given that Blaze was minutes away from being destroyed before Niall got to her. As with the other dogs photographed, had Niall not rescued them – or without the intervention of another rescue out there – they would very likely have been put down when in the hands of a local pound.

Niall with Blaze

How long do these dogs have to live once it's been decided that they are to be put down?
Most often one week, and in some lucky cases up to two weeks. After this time, if they haven’t been claimed or taken in by a rescue then they’ll be destroyed. Niall’s work essentially takes any abandoned dogs out of immediate danger, avoiding them going to pounds altogether.

If it comes down to it, how are they put down?
By a lethal injection, intravenously.

Did you notice any breeds that were abandoned more than others?
As generalised as it may seem to say, all of these dogs ended up in these positions due to people: the owners, who fundamentally don’t get dogs for the right reasons. Many of these types of owners are unfortunately a product of the huge problem with "status symbol" dogs, which is why around 70 percent of dogs in pounds and rescue are bull-breed dogs, such as Staffies. As Niall has pointed out many times before, if labradors were the go-to dog for the types of people who own Staffies, there would be a huge labrador epidemic and the same vicious cycle would continue.

Niall with Phoenix

Do you think dogs should end up on "death row" if they have acted dangerously?
I don’t agree with it. I think by doing this it just avoids the root cause of the issue altogether. The fact that there are so many dogs who are not properly looked after, or even trained, which then might lead to this type of behaviour, is quite shocking. There need to be regulations as to who can own a dog, and they need training and a basic education on dog behaviour. If more people truly understood the breed of dog they owned – and provided enough exercise, discipline, socialisation and affection – there should be no reason why a dog would submit to aggressive behaviour. But instead, the easy option is to destroy that dog and blame the breed.

Where are you planning on taking this work?
I plan on continuing the project with Niall, to create a big collection of images that will be made into a book, with Niall being the consistent subject in the photos, but the dog, story and location changing each time. I also have another project that I’ve started planning for this year, based on exempt pitbull or "type" breeds and their owners, who have had their dogs seized from them due to the Dangerous Dog Legislation in the UK. Some of these owners have never had their dog returned to the family after they were destroyed, due to their breed alone.

Follow Chris on Twitter: @CBethell_photo‎

More stories about man's best friend:

Wool of the Dog

WATCH – The Westminster Dog Show... On Acid!

WATCH – Dog Grooming Expo!

A New Species of River Dolphin Is the First to Be Discovered in 100 Years

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A New Species of River Dolphin Is the First to Be Discovered in 100 Years

Cambodians Are Still Angry at Their Government

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Protesters gather in Phnom Penh, angry at the disputed election results

On the first Saturday of 2014, some monks sat eating lunch in Freedom Park, Phnom Penh, cross-legged in their orange robes. A few devotees hovered around handing out water bottles. Throughout the rest of the park, under the shade of large gazebos, hundreds of protesters from all over the country relaxed. Up on stage, famous singers entertained the crowd. But the festival vibe didn't last for long.

Pretty soon, a thousand or so military police were swarming Freedom Park—rumors that circulated afterwards claimed they were aided by gangs of hired thugs. They kicked and lashed out with batons, smashing everything: the stage, the speakers, and the gazebos. “The police beat the monks even as they were having lunch,” said Sokunthea, a Khmer journalist. “All the people cried and ran away.”

The move came on January 4, the day after five people were killed by military police when a garment factory protest for higher wages turned ugly. During this time, 23 people were arrested. So far they have been denied bail and access to lawyers.

Freedom Park is Phnom Penh’s designated protest space. It’s a long and mostly concreted area with two skyscrapers at one end and the Tonal Sap River at the other. The Cambodian National Rescue Party (CNRP) have been demonstrating here since September. They want a new election after slamming last summer’s poll for “massive irregularities.” 

The CNRP saw their ranks swell in December, as the government's promised pay hike for garment factory workers fell short of the demanded $160 per month. This led to thousands of garment workers joining “tsunami marches” through Phnom Penh, the largest of which saw an estimated 131,500 people parade through the city demanding that Prime Minister Hun Sen step down.

“The constitution says each citizen has the right to vote but these rights were ripped off,” said CNRP lawmaker Mu Suchua. The allegation that the ruling Cambodian People’s Party (CPP) cheated may not surprise too many given they've a history of doing stuff like lobbing grenades at their opponents. What is significant is that they still nearly lost, winning 68 seats to the CNRP's 55.


Men who are alleged to be hired thugs look on at the protest outside Sam Rainsy's court appearance

No sooner had the CPP locked the park down than a court summons was issued for CNRP leader Sam Rainsy, so he went to ground. Many thought he was hiding in the American Embassy, including the military police who shut down all roads leading there. I called the embassy for comment but had the phone slammed down. I guess they were getting a lot of calls from journalists that day.

It is the biggest crisis Hun Sen has faced in 29 years at the top. For a time the Cambodian people were happy to put up with his authoritarian regime in exchange for the stability he brought to their war torn country but that is coming to an end. “I curse Hun Sen, he only cares about rich people. He does nothing to help the poor,” Phnom Penh resident Tom Sup Many told me.


A rally at Freedom Park

While many support the CNRP’s position some doubt their ability to govern Cambodia. Rainsy has promised a pension for old people, a doubling of wages for garment factory workers and the return of stolen land to the original owners. He has so far provided no plans on how he plans to achieve this. “Sam Rainsy’s political tactic has been to promise a puppy for every child,” said Cambodia-based journalist Faine Greenwood.

Then there are those who support the CNRP but are afraid to say so. Official police are often helped by gangs of hired thugs in matching motorbike helmets, faceless goons with a penchant for tasering journalists. A source working for the CNRP told me that they are criminals rounded up by authorities, given weapons and let loose.

It’s easy to have sympathy for the CNRP given that they probably would have won the election if it had been fair, but this isn't a simple goodies versus baddies tale. They have long been stoking anti-Vietnamese sentiment to gain support from the Cambodian people. Hun Sen was put in power by the Vietnamese in 1985 and the opposition claim that he is a stooge for their old enemy. The crude xenophobia boiled over on January 10 when a mob set about three Vietnamese-owned shops. The shops were ransacked and their owners beaten up. “The CNRP use this kind of rhetoric to hit a sensitive feeling in the Cambodian people who still feel the loss of our land to the Vietnamese,” said Phay Siphon, a CPP spokesman.


Sam Rainsy addressing the crowds after his court appearance

Rainsy appeared in court on January 14 to answer questions of “inciting social unrest.” Thousands defied the ban on public assembly to come and show their support. The security thugs were out again ready to break heads but remained peaceful this time. No charges were brought against Rainsy that day and later that afternoon he gave a speech vowing to continue his non-violent campaign for a new election.

The 23 people arrested during violent protests earlier this month have not yet been charged or allowed bail. One of them is Vorn Pao, President of an informal workers union. Last Sunday, a group of people led by Sokchhun Oeung—his deputy—assembled to call for their release. Two trucks of military police screeched to a halt by the gang and arrested Sokchhun Oeung for protesting against the arrest of his union president. Oeung was released this morning.

People here are pissed off. The Phnom Penh rumor mill keeps on turning. Some reports say that both parties are close to brokering a deal to end the impasse. Others say that Rainsy is planning a “final campaign” in March. The garment factory workers went back on strike on Friday, Hun Sen has vowed to stay in power another ten years and the CNRP have vowed to fight on. Whatever happens, Cambodia's well of anger shows no sign of running dry.

@NathanWrites

We Partied in the Polar Vortex at ElectroFest

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We Partied in the Polar Vortex at ElectroFest

Between Beirut and a Hard Place

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All illustrations by Sammy Harkham

It was a hot day in mid-June when Marissa Ponterella, who answers phones at the Brooklyn Brewery, told me I had a call from a special agent from Homeland Security. My mind raced. Fuck.

Before founding the brewery in 1988, I was a Middle East correspondent for the Associated Press based in Beirut and Cairo from 1979 to 1984. I sometimes talk on the phone with old friends in Beirut to catch up on Middle East politics. I was in Beirut about a year ago for a wedding. Could it be that the NSA, recently revealed to be monitoring everyone’s phone calls, had a problem with my old friends in the Lebanese capital? Could it be that someone was tampering with our export shipments, or with the grain and hops we import? Years ago, we distributed a beer brewed in Zimbabwe. The DEA inspected some of those shipments because they suspected that drugs were being trafficked inside their shipping containers. Someone must have given them a false tip because they found nothing.

On the other end of the line was Special Agent Perry P. Kao from the New York office of the Department of Homeland Security Investigations and US Immigration and Customs Enforcement. He told me he wanted to come and see me. He sounded friendly.

“Of course, but can you tell me why?” I asked.

“I’d like to tell you when I get to the brewery,” Kao said. Two hours later, Kao and Special Agent Tim Auman arrived at the brewery. They showed me their gold-plated Homeland badges. I offered them coffee and water and led them to a conference room for a private meeting.

“Well, you are probably wondering why we wanted to meet with you,” Kao said with a big smile. “It’s about an incident you were involved in during the war in Lebanon in 1980.”

“Are you referring to the time I was abducted in south Lebanon?” I asked. This was not the first time that agents of the US government had questioned me about my abduction in 1980. I had testified twice for the Department of Justice about the incident. The kidnappers released me, but they tortured and killed two Irish UN peacekeepers who were with me. “That’s the one,” said Kao.

During my time in Lebanon, the nation was embroiled in a civil war that had begun in 1975. There was a standoff between right-wing Christians led by the Phalangist Party and leftist Lebanese militias allied with the Palestine Liberation Organization. In 1978, the Israeli Army invaded south Lebanon in an attempt to neutralize PLO guerrillas who occasionally launched attacks on Israel.

When the Israelis retreated, the United Nations established a nine-nation peacekeeping force in the south named the UN Interim Force in Lebanon (UNIFIL). The Israelis opposed this initiative and dug in, refusing to withdraw from a roughly ten-mile swath of the border. They left that enclave under the supervision of rebel Lebanese army major Saad Haddad, a Christian allied with the Phalangists. Israel trained, armed, and funded Haddad’s militia—the South Lebanon Army. On April 18, 1979, Haddad declared the enclave “Free Lebanon.”

I was relieved to know that Homeland was not calling on me for one of the other reasons that had flashed into my mind. But I began to feel trepidation about picking away at an old and deep wound.

Thirty-four years ago, on April 18, 1980, I was with a United Nations Peacekeeping patrol that was abducted in south Lebanon. The kidnappers released me after a couple hours, but they tortured and killed two Irish UN peacekeepers who had accompanied me at the time of the abduction: Private Derek Smallhorne, 31, a father of three, and Private Thomas Barrett, 29, who had a baby daughter in Ireland. They tortured and shot a third Irishman, Private John O’Mahony. US Major Harry Klein, an American officer working for the UN, and I carried O’Mahony out of harm’s way. He lived.

“You guys know that the killer, or at least the man who abducted us, is living in Detroit, driving an ice cream truck, right?” I asked, genuinely hoping that in this day and age of information technology, my previous interviews with officials about the matter had been recorded and filed away somewhere.

“Yes, we know that, and he has applied for US citizenship,” Kao said. He said Homeland had determined that the mastermind behind the kidnapping, Mahmoud Bazzi, had entered the United States illegally with falsified papers. He was granted political asylum, then a green card, and now wanted to become an American citizen.

That was news to me. The last time I had heard anything about Bazzi was 2006 in Washington, DC, where I had been called to give my deposition to the Department of Justice. DOJ investigators came to see me after the Irish television network RTE’s program Prime Time aired a detailed one-hour special titled The Enclave of Killings about the 20th anniversary of the ugly incident in Lebanon in April 2000. The assassination of the Irishmen was, of course, big news in Ireland and the lead story in the New York Times on April 19, 1980. Historically, very few Irishmen have died in foreign wars.

RTE’s reporter on the 2000 follow-up story, Fiona MacCarthy, had tracked Bazzi down in Detroit and accosted him in his front yard one morning. He first claimed not to speak English. RTE had brought a translator with them.

Unable to stall any further, Bazzi claimed he had not murdered the Irishmen, despite Lebanese press accounts of him reportedly boasting that he was responsible for the killings. He said Saad Haddad, the leader of the Israeli-supported militia that had employed him—the so-called South Lebanon Army—had forced him to confess to the killings in television interviews. He said that he would have been killed had he not claimed responsibility for the slayings.

FROM RIGHT TO LEFT: the author, Saad Haddad, and Haddad’s Israeli minder, at Haddad’s headquarters a couple of months before the kidnapping

I suggested to Kao that he contact the Department of Justice to request copies of my testimony to them after the RTE story was aired. He said he had already contacted the DOJ. He had been told my testimony was lost. To my recollection, I was interviewed by DOJ investigators at least once at my office at the Brooklyn Brewery and a second time in Washington. The Brooklyn meeting took place on June 14, 2006. I met with Adam S. Fels, a senior trial attorney of the DOJ Office of Special Investigations, and Todd Huebner, a senior historian from the same office. I recounted the story of the abduction in great detail.

Fels and Huebner explained that the Office of Special Investigations was the unit of the DOJ that was tasked with hunting down former Nazis suspected of war crimes who had fled to locales all over the globe following World War II. The OSI tracked down around 70,000 of these criminals during its existence, but by 2006, most of the Nazis were dead. Fels and Huebner said the OSI had a new brief from Congress under the 2004 Anti-Atrocity Alien Deportation Act: to bring to justice individuals who had committed war crimes abroad and were currently living in the United States.

“We are but one component of a comprehensive federal interagency effort to ensure that perpetrators of these terrible crimes find no sanctuary in this country,” said Eli Rosenbaum, OSI director, in testimony before Congress in December 2005. The OSI employs historians, political scientists, and linguists in their investigations, which have resulted in many high-profile prosecutions of ex-Nazis.

My story in Lebanon began with an unusual summons to the US Embassy in Beirut by Ambassador John Gunther Dean a few days before the abduction. Dean was one of those rare Foreign Service officers who sought postings in conflict zones. Before coming to Beirut, he had been the ambassador to Cambodia during the rise of the genocidal Khmer Rouge. His book, Danger Zones: A Diplomat’s Fight for America’s Interests, details his exploits around the world.

Dean was a known critic of Israel’s partnership with the Phalangists and Haddad. He wrote that Haddad’s presence in the south was undermining the Lebanese government’s efforts to reassert its sovereignty there. When I first met him at the embassy, Dean was wearing a lightweight summer suit with a turquoise tie, tanned and confident with his thinning hair brushed back. He served me coffee in his office, situated on an upper floor of the embassy with a view of the sparkling blue Mediterranean Sea.

There were constant clashes between Haddad’s troops and the 6,000-person UNIFIL. In one conflict with the Irish Battalion of the UN in the village of At-Tiri that commenced on April 6, 1980, an Irishman and a militiaman from the South Lebanon Army were killed. Haddad subsequently demanded that UNIFIL pay him $10,000 for the killing or turn over the bodies of two Irishmen. He made his demands on the Voice of Hope, an Israeli-based radio station run by American Christian fundamentalist George Otis, a former general manager of Learjet.

Haddad was constantly making similar threats. His units repeatedly abducted UNIFIL soldiers and later released him. In this case, he also refused to allow the UN to resupply the Lebanon-Israel border posts that monitored the 1949 armistice agreement between the two countries. Those units were part of the UN’s Observer Group Lebanon.

Dean said there was an agreement with Haddad and the Israeli Army to allow the UN to resupply the posts. He suggested I go to south Lebanon the next day and meet Major Klein at the Irish Battalion headquarters at Tibnin. He said I could accompany Klein and the resupply trucks. This was an exciting opportunity for a young reporter. I had come to Beirut a year before and had since worked in Iran during the revolution and the US hostage crisis. In Lebanon, I covered the ongoing civil war and the turmoil in south Lebanon.

AP photographer Zaven Vartan and I left Beirut at sunrise on a cool and sunny spring day. We drove in the Green Hornet, a bullet-pocked Mazda compact with a sign in the window that read, PRESS—DON’T SHOOT, in Arabic, English, and French. There was a nice breeze coming off the Mediterranean and the air smelled of orange and banana blossoms as we drove south on the coastal highway. We passed through militia checkpoints as we neared the southern port city of Sidon, its apartment towers scarred with bullets, artillery, and rocket fire from the civil war and the 1978 Israeli invasion. At the biblical city of Tyre, we turned east and climbed the rocky, rolling hills of south Lebanon, sprouting with fragrant springtime wildflowers, passing through PLO and UNIFIL checkpoints, and finally through the UN-controlled zone and into Tibnin.

At the small stone building that served as Irish Battalion headquarters in Tibnin, we met Klein, a tall, husky Vietnam veteran from Kalamazoo, Michigan, who was with Captain Patrick Vincent of Lille, France, an erect and circumspect Frenchman. Both were with Observer Group Lebanon. They served us tea as we sat on the porch of the Irish headquarters. Klein told us that Haddad’s men had recently ransacked the UN Observer posts on the border, stealing radio equipment and personal belongings from the unarmed UN workers. The posts, he said, had not been resupplied since April 3. Later that day he invited Zaven and me to accompany the three-vehicle convoy to the Observer post at Maroun Al-Ras.

According to the comprehensive 2000 Irish TV report by RTE, then Private O’Mahony, one of the Irish drivers, said he drove to Tibnin that morning with one of his fellow drivers, Private Barrett, who had only a week left on his deployment in Lebanon. The morning of the kidnapping, O’Mahony caught him weeping while writing a letter to his wife and recalled Barrett’s eerie premonition: “I have a bad feeling… I’m not going to come out of this alive.”

With O’Mahony in the driver’s seat and Zaven next to him, I climbed into the rear of a white UN jeep with Klein and Vincent. Running ahead of us was another jeep and a truck driven by Irishmen wearing olive fatigues and the baby-blue helmets of the UN peacekeeping forces. On the outskirts of the village of Beit Yahoun, with the UN and Haddad-controlled checkpoints a few hundred yards apart, we had expected to meet Abu Iskandar, a Haddad lieutenant who was to escort us to Maroun Al-Ras. Iskandar was not there, but Haddad gunmen, wearing Israeli uniforms, waved us through.

We were bouncing down the road discussing military service and journalism when, barely five minutes outside Beit Yahoun, our convoy ground to a halt. We heard shouts. Looking through the front window of the jeep, I saw young gunmen pointing automatic weapons at us from behind the gray stone walls on either side of the road. Some wore civilian clothes, others olive Israeli uniforms and red berets. As we climbed out of the jeep, a Peugeot 404 drove up from behind.

An unshaven man who looked to be around 30 years old stormed out, recklessly waving a pistol at us, speaking in hurried, jumbled Arabic. Major Klein said that he recognized the man as a Haddad officer but could not recall his name. The gunmen disarmed the three Irish drivers and confiscated Zaven’s camera bag. The two UN officers, O’Mahony, and I were shoved into the Peugeot. The rest of our crew was in the same predicament, their vehicles commandeered by Haddad’s men trailing close behind us.

We were taken to a seemingly abandoned schoolyard, slowing down when we reached a rutted path toward a bombed-out split-level schoolhouse. Bazzi shouted out the window to someone I could not see and then stopped hard at the entrance to the school. He ordered us out of the car and demanded to know our nationalities and religious affiliations, his men repeating his demands many times over. Each of us repeatedly stated our homelands.

When Zaven said he was an Armenian Lebanese Christian, they separated him from us. The rest of us were led down a flight of stairs at gunpoint, into a boy’s washroom. From the height of the urinals, it was clear it was an elementary school. Two gunmen were posted at the doorway and a third stood near the bottom of the stairwell. They waved their guns at us and again asked our nationalities. Once more, Klein and I told them that we were Americans, Vince said French, and the Irishmen were upfront about who they were. Their uniforms displayed the Irish flag. “American good, French good,” said our teenage captors, grinning. We smiled while nervously internalizing the implications of their omission: the Irish were “not good.” Having been pushed around by cocky young gunmen before in Lebanon, I had learned the best policy was to do exactly what they said to do. If they smile, you smile. If they ask where you’re from 500 times, you answer the same thing 500 times, in the same way. After 20 minutes of discussing our nationalities and various reasons for being in the region, I told them I was a reporter.

I had to piss. So did one of the Irishmen. I asked, and we received permission to use the urinals while one of the gunmen stood close behind us.

“It looks like maybe they have it in for the Irish,” he sighed.

I whispered back, “Yeah, with these assholes, you never can tell.”

A few minutes later, the motive of the gunmen became clear when the leader of the group, later identified as Bazzi, came to the door of the restroom waving the 9mm pistol and shouting, “My brother, my brother,” and a lot of other Arabic that I could not understand. He tugged at his black T-shirt, indicating he was in mourning for a brother killed in the recent clash with the Irish battalion. Klein ordered the Irish to stop smiling. We all stopped smiling. After yet another grilling about our nationalities, Bazzi and two gunmen prodded the three Irishmen down the corridor. They disappeared into a room at the end. Shooting echoed through the barren rooms and halls of the building. We heard screams.

“Oh my God, oh my God, they’ve shot them,” said Klein. “I never should have let them take them. I’m getting out of this country. This is the end for me.”

There was more shooting. Suddenly, two of the Irishmen bolted from the room, into the hallway, and out into the schoolyard where Haddad’s gunmen waited outside. Private O’Mahony staggered out the door with his pants pulled down. The gunmen herded back into the room. There was more shooting, inside and outside. O’Mahony screamed. Cars carrying more gunmen screeched to a halt upstairs. The newcomers included Haddad lieutenants known to Vincent and Klein, who told them he wanted to leave immediately, with the Irishmen. They newcomers barked orders to our captors and they left. They ordered us to help O’Mahony, who had again staggered into the hallway.

We found him sitting on the concrete floor, his head between his legs.

“You all right?” asked Klein.

“No,” he replied.

“Are you shot?” asked Klein.

“Yes,” he said, pointing to his back and foot.

Klein carried him outside, laying him on a discarded sheet of plastic. I helped carry the wounded Irishman out to the road. O’Mahony was relatively subdued but said his stomach hurt. Klein again demanded that Haddad release the other Irishmen, but Haddad’s lieutenants refused to give them up.

Moments later Bazzi drove off in the Peugeot with two gunmen and Smallhorne and Barrett. One of the Irishmen craned his neck to look back at me, his eyes wide with fear.

We raced O’Mahony to Bint Jbail, a nearby town that served as the provincial capital of southern Lebanon. We spotted some Israeli Army officers in the streets and decided it would be safer to transfer him to a taxi before driving back to the Irish UN headquarters in Tibnin. Zaven followed in a UN jeep. When we got there, Irish commander and UNIFIL commander Ghanaian General Emmanuel Erskine were waiting for us. At the Irish headquarters, a helicopter flew O’Mahony to a UN hospital in Naquora, Lebanon. Klein immediately contacted the Haddad and the Israeli military command to demand the Irishmen’s return. Zaven and I headed back to Beirut.

Just after dusk, we walked into Beirut’s AP bureau, stuffed with various members of the Western press corps. It was obvious how widespread the news of our capture had been, as everyone in the room was visibly surprised to see us alive. We quickly learned the press had been reporting that I was missing and believed kidnapped all day. About an hour later, on our drive to the bureau, an AP report from Tel Aviv quoted a UN spokesman as saying that both Smallhorne and Barrett had been found dead near Bint Jbail. Irish UN soliders later told me the men had been tortured before they were killed, their fingers chopped off and bodies partially skinned. One was shot in the front of the neck, and one in the back of the head.

The Irish Times quoted an Irish Army communique as saying Haddad lieutenant Iskandar led UN troops to the dead bodies of the Irishmen.

Zaven and I filed a news story specifically stating that “Israeli-backed militiamen” tortured and killed the two Irish UN peacekeepers. The abductors stole all Zaven’s cameras, so he had no photos. I wrote a first-person piece about my experience. A few minutes later, a story came out on the wire from the AP bureau in Tel Aviv in which an Israeli-military spokesman was quoted in as saying that “Arab villagers” had tortured and killed the two Irishmen.

It was routine for the AP bureau in Beirut and in Tel Aviv to identify the various factions in Lebanon by their backers, i.e., the Syrian-backed Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine–General Command, the Iraqi-backed Arab Liberation Front, etc. There was constant friction between the AP bureau in Beirut and the AP bureau in Tel Aviv over certain types of phrasing in dispatches coming out of Lebanon. Our report was no exception.

I had witnessed the involvement in the incident of Haddad officers, but the Israeli military spokesman’s casting the blame on “Arab villagers” was given equal weight.

The AP foreign desk in New York changed my copy to blame the incident on “Lebanese gunmen,” which was, quite frankly, sugar-coated bullshit. There was no mention of or allusion to the culpability of Israeli-backed Haddad militiamen—the same who had kidnapped me whom and I watched drive the two Irish UN troops to their gruesome deaths—apart from a quote from Haddad denying that his men had anything to do with the incident.

The New York Times of April 19, 1980, led with the AP story and a subhead: “Identity of Killers Unclear.”

My counterpart in Tel Aviv, Frank Creapeau, complained about my account in a letter to Otto Doelling, the chief of the AP’s Middle East Operations. I complained about the Foreign Desk’s changing my copy in a letter to foreign editor Nate Polowetzky. The above was documented in an internal memo that AP executive editor Lou Boccardi asked me to write about a month after the article was published. This internal correspondence confirmed my overwhelming suspicion that the redaction of the words “Israeli-backed” and the inclusion of Haddad’s denial were purposeful conciliation to reactions from Israel. Nate told me that the Israelis were livid over my reporting of the incident, but I had been along for the ride and I was certain of the role of Haddad’s lieutenants in the abduction as I had filed it to New York.

Later, when it was all added up, the final sum was that Klein was blamed for the incident. In the RTE report, he said that he should never have taken Irishmen into the Haddad zone. But he added that he was acting under orders from Observer Group Lebanon and believed his mission to have had the approval of Haddad and the Israeli Army. Klein told me later that he felt his actions during the abduction were what had prevented him from being promoted to lieutenant colonel.

Bazzi later boasted of the incident in the Lebanese press. News reports at the time quoted Haddad as saying, “They took the two Irishmen and took their revenge. That is custom in the Middle East, especially in Lebanon, blood for blood, and you can’t change it.”

Two decades later when he was confronted in Detroit by RTE reporters, he loudly denied any involvement in the killings. He claimed that he was the fall guy and blamed Haddad for the Irishmen’s deaths. (VICE attempted to contact Mahmoud Bazzi multiple times, but he did not give a comment.)

In the RTE report, O’Mahony said Bazzi was the man who had shot him at the school. Since that day it has been vividly clear in my memory that it was he who abducted me and the others. I do not know who ultimately was responsible for physically torturing and killing the two Irishmen, but the last time I saw them, they were in the custody of men under the command of Bazzi and Haddad.

Klein later told me that Israel’s liaison with Haddad, Israeli Captain Yoram Hamizrachi, a former Israeli TV correspondent, was on vacation at the time of the incident. According to Klein, if Hamizrachi had been in Lebanon, the incident never would have happened, but we will never know all of the facts. Haddad died of cancer in 1984 at age 47, Klein at 58 in 2002 of a brain aneurism.

One of the most unsettling codas to the incident was a news conference held in northern Israel. A couple months prior, I had met Haddad at his office in south Lebanon. I told him that my grandfather on my father’s side of the family had emigrated from Lebanon in the 1890s. Haddad, a Christian, asked what religion I practiced. My response was that I believed my grandfather had been raised Muslim but later married an American Christian and that my American-born father and I both were raised Christian. I later came to embrace atheism.

When Haddad appeared at the news conference, he denounced me as a Lebanese Muslim determined to slander him and his fellow Christians in Lebanon. This specific and completely irrelevant mention of my Lebanese heritage was the only time in my nearly six years in the Middle East that my background became part of a story. It was frightening. In those days, people were killed in Lebanon for much less. Luckily, the report did not appear in the Western press. It was broadcast on Haddad’s Arabic radio station.

In February 1982, nearly two years after the incident, Israeli Parliament member Eliahu Ben-Elissar (who would go on to become Israel’s ambassador to the United States in 1996) complained that the international press had a “double standard” for news coverage that distorted Israel’s geopolitical position in the Middle East. Ben-Elissar also served as the chairman of the Knesset Foreign Affairs and Security Committee and a confidante of Prime Minister Menachem Begin, which made it doubly ironic when he singled out and implicated the New York Times, ABC News, the Associated Press, and other Western-media outlets in his grandiose accusations, saying that threats and intimidation cowed journalists based in the Arab world. By contrast, he said, journalists based in Israel were free to report anything they wanted.

“I don’t want to recall what happened to the AP reporter who was held for three hours,” he said. “The same reporter, whose name is Steve Hindy, was released immediately—but what happened and what publicity this incident received [was] as if one hand washes the other.”

My boss at the time, the foreign editor, Nate Polowetzky, issued a rare defense of the AP’s handling of the story. “The Hindy matter became news instantly because two United Nations soldiers were killed and a third wounded in the incident,” he said in a statement.

Given the way the AP Foreign Desk edited my copy, I think it’s clear there was a double standard, but not the one that Ben-Elissar alleged.

In September 1982, Haddad’s men were allegedly involved in the massacre of Palestinians in the Sabra and Chatilla refugee camps on the outskirts of Beirut. Israeli forces surrounded the camps and allowed Phalangist militiamen to enter and killed 3,000 civilians. I recall counting bodies in the camps when someone shouted, “Haddad’s men are back.” There was a panicked stampede of people out of the camps. Recalling Haddad’s slander of my Lebanese heritage, I too was freaked out for a few minutes.

US ambassador John Gunther Dean, the man who helped arrange my visit to south Lebanon on that fateful day in 1980, had also suffered a rocky relationship with the Israelis and their allies in Lebanon, the Phalangists. Dean, now 87, was born in Breslau, Germany, to a prominent Jewish family. He immigrated to the United States in the 1930s and graduated from Harvard University before joining the Foreign Service. He lives in France and Switzerland.

In August 1980 in Beirut, Dean’s three-car convoy was hit by antitank missiles and small-arms fire that he suspected came from members of the Phalangist militia, the Christian militia that was allied with the Israelis in the 1982 invasion of Lebanon. Emerging out of the attack without a scratch (although his armor-plated limousine was badly damaged), Dean said serial numbers confirmed the missiles launched at his convoy had been manufactured in America and shipped to Israel.

“I know as surely as I know anything that Mossad, the Israeli intelligence agency, was somehow involved in the attack,” he wrote in his book Danger Zones. “Undoubtedly, using a proxy, our ally Israel had tried to kill me.”

In 1980, Irish prime minister Charles Haughey condemned the killing of the Irishmen as “wanton murder,” and the UN Security Council said it amounted to “cold-blooded murder.” The Irish government has repeatedly stated that it has tried to find a way to extradite Bazzi. The last time was January 2005, when the Irish Independent newspaper reported that Defense Minister Willie O’Dea asked Attorney General Rory Brady to explore ways of bringing Bazzi to justice in Ireland. The attorney general’s office had earlier concluded it had no grounds to bring Bazzi to Ireland because extradition proceedings would have to be initiated by the country where the crime was committed. And, of course, there is no extradition treaty between Lebanon and the United States.

I would like for this story to end with a man who is now selling ice cream out of a truck in Detroit and trying to become an American citizen going to jail for his involvement in the torture and murder of two UN peacekeepers. For now the story ends on June 25, 2013, with my meeting Special Agent Perry P. Kao at the Homeland Security office in Manhattan.

Kao showed me a grid of headshots of Arab men, all with similar mustaches and facial hair. Could I find Mahmoud Bazzi, the man who had abducted me 33 years before? I pointed to a graying, fat-faced version of the man who had pointed a pistol at me in that schoolhouse in Lebanon.

“That’s him,” Kao said, adding that Homeland determined that Bazzi had entered the United States illegally, using falsified papers. He said the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency was planning a hearing in Detroit on Bazzi’s request for citizenship and asked if I would testify about the incidents, perhaps by a video connection.

“Yes,” I said.

As of press time and to my knowledge, no date has been set for the supposed hearing.

Will Harper Step Down?

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Is good ol' Stevie ready to wave goodbye to us? Maybe. Photo via.

You don’t have to read the news all too often to know Stephen Harper did not have a very positive 2013. In the wake of the ongoing Senate Scandal, pundits from all corners of the Canadian media have been taking breaks from their discussions about Mike Duffy, Nigel Wright, and the mysterious $90,000 cheque in order to ask a bigger question: will Stephen Harper step down as Prime Minister? The latest critic to raise this possibility was John Ivison at the National Post, who suggested Harper's resignation would follow his state visit to Israel (where he just caused further controversy by suggesting that criticism of the state of Israel is “the new face of anti-Semitism”).

Since his first term in office, Harper's strategy in times of crisis has been to avoid talking about problems at all costs. If Harper refuses to talk about any potential controversies, then there's no embarrassing soundbites to run every thirty minutes on cable news and no juicy words for editors to plug between quotation marks in their headlines. If the perceived economic effect of a problem is effectively nil, then people won't care. Are the Conservatives muzzling scientists? Yes, but you've probably never heard Harper speak about it. Did Statistics Canada chief Munir Sheikh resign to protest the Conservatives' cancellation of the long form census? Yes, but Stephen Harper didn't address that. Instead, he sent Tony Clement to the media with a bunch of inoffensive talking points that didn't make any sense. Even in leader's debates, when Harper is asked directly to his face about omnibus crime bills and cuts to foreign aid, he repeats a few talking points in his most reasonable tone of voice before changing the subject back to the economy.

When stray limbs of the Conservative body create unwanted headlines, Harper's response, always, is to cut them off. Helena Guergis, the former Minister of State for the Status of Women, was accused of ethically questionable behaviour (including having a coke party with sex workers, and using her influence in the government to help her husband's business), so Harper expelled her from the caucus immediately and wouldn't allow her back, even after she was cleared of criminal wrongdoing by an RCMP probe. When Conservative backbencher Stephen Woodworth introduced a private member's bill that would have reopened the legal debate on abortion, Harper diffused the situation by publicly denouncing the bill and ensuring its defeat in Parliament.

Stephen Harper's entirely predictable attempts to mitigate the Senate Scandal in its early stages are the same reasons that he'll still be facing questions about his conduct in the next Parliament. Redirecting all questions about the scandal to parliamentary secretary Paul Calandra probably seemed like a good idea at first, seeing as it would keep the TV cameras off of himself, but Thomas Mulcair wouldn't let the scandal (or Harper's unwillingness to talk about it) go away. Calandra's increasingly twisted deflections have turned into an online parody campaign and there's more scrutiny than ever on Harper to answer his critics. It doesn't help that Harper has contradicted himself on the few questions that he has addressed. The scandal is not staying in the news because of the alleged inappropriate expense claims by former Senators Mike Duffy, Pamela Wallin and Patrick Brazeau; it's being kept in the news because Harper may have lied to Parliament in his attempts to keep the conversation on other topics.

Photo via

Harper's strategy of cutting off any potential controversy at the root has been incredibly effective over the past eight years, but it's also been ruthless. The Senate Scandal is especially bad for Harper because the most incriminating aspects of the scandal occurred when the Prime Minister's Office tried to maneuver its way out of a smaller scandal by brokering deals and keeping them secret. Of course, the Conservative Party's shitty poll numbers are a part of Harper's problem, but the real problem comes from within his own party. Canada's right wing spent the 90s in a deep political wilderness because they couldn't figure out how to get along with each other. Harper managed to bring them together, but this collection of former Reformers and former Progressive Conservatives might not see the logic in following a leader who keeps his caucus under a thumb if that same leader can't also guarantee an electoral victory in 2014.

Conservative backbencher Michael Chong introduced a reform bill last parliamentary session that would transfer some powers from the Prime Minister to the caucuses (and give caucuses the power to vote out their leader). In Alberta, the red and blue wings of the party (breaking down roughly along Progressive Conservative and Wildrose Party lines) are battling over the party nomination of Nelson Mandela-hating MP Rob Anders in Calgary West. In the cabinet, Minister Jason Kenney isn't afraid to break from the party silence and call for Rob Ford to step down (almost causing a fight between him and Finance Minister Jim Flaherty). There's also the backbenchers who want to recriminalize abortion despite Harper's assurances that the issue won't be discussed while he's in office. In short, the Conservative Party is splintering, and Harper's inability to keep a lid on it could be fatal to his position as leader. It's clear that Harper is becoming less and less popular among his own party, who followed him as long as he could win elections but may not be there if he proves to be a liability instead of an asset in 2014.

It's certainly possible that Harper can ride out his current lull in popularity, but the longer the Conservatives lag behind Trudeau's Liberals in the polls, the more likely that Harper will resign and let someone else try to rebuild the party's support. Since its birth from the ashes of the Canadian Alliance in 2003, the Conservative Party has been Stephen Harper's Conservative Party. Also under Harper, the party has transformed from a reform-based party that wanted to cut spending into a party that has very little interest in reform and spends the same amount as its Liberal predecessors. It remains to be seen whether or not any of Harper's likely successors can maintain control over such an unwieldy beast; but if things keep going badly for our Prime Minister, we might just find out sooner rather than later.

 

@alanjonesxxxv


Munchies: Seamus Mullen

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Seamus Mullen is a James Beard nominated chef and owner of Tertulia, a Spanish restaurant located in Manhattan’s West Village. We dropped into the restaurant to pay him a visit, but Seamus was busy breaking down an entire lamb, so we sat down and watched him cut up some bones, meat, and organs while he discussed the finer points of Spanish cuisine.

Once he finished cooking us a plate of cojonudo (which translates to “fucking great” in Spanish), we headed out with Seamus and three of his friends to El Colmado, his new spot in Gotham West Market. On the way over to the new space, we safely dodged a fitness-crazed herd of the un-dead who claimed to be involved with New York’s “zombie run.” Once safely settled into El Colmado’s dining room, we sampled some generous portions of freshly-cut jamón and a round of drinks.

After the last sip of beer we traveled to Brooklyn for stop at Whiskey Soda Lounge, Andy Ricker’s newest Thai restaurant. The heat of Andy’s sour-cured pork riblets was so spicy, a hit of fiery bird’s eye chili gave everyone the hiccups. We decided to calm our well-deserved heartburn over at Vekslers, where Andy joined us for burgers and deep-fried chicken. We finished off the night by heading back to Tertulia, where Seamus made us lamb paella with meat and organ parts that he had broken down earlier in the day. Vegetarians, shield your eyes.

Protesters Are Dying in the Streets of Kiev

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All photos by Konstantin Chernichkin

The anti-government demonstrations in Kiev have taken a deadly turn, as the news on Wednesday was dominated by fights between protesters and riot police in the gas and smoke-strewn streets of the Ukrainian capital. In the morning, the BBC posted a video of a man lying in the snow. By nightfall, four other deaths had been reported. Ironically, news of the casualties—the first in a period of civil unrest that began two months ago—came on Ukraine’s Day of National Unity.

“I think this is the start of a civil war,” Yaroslav Hrytsak, a well-known historian and public intellectual, said Wednesday night on Ukrainian public radio. Street battles continued in the area around Kiev’s Hrushevskoho Street, as protesters armed with Molotov cocktails faced off with riot police. As the two sides struggled, some protesters constructed a trebuchet that looked like it would be more at home in a medieval siege than a protest in 2014 aimed at steering an ostensibly democratic country toward the European Union.

Who are the civilians involved in the clashes? The media attributed the first signs of violence at the Euromaidan protests—as this uprising has become known—to “provocateurs,” meaning people who didn't necessarily have any political motives and just wanted to stir up violence. More recently, a radical right-wing group called Right Sector (Pravy Sektor in Ukranian) has become associated with the running battles waged against the cops. However, as the Financial Times has reported, it is more complicated than that: lots of people in Kiev are angry and the Molotov throwing isn’t the sole domain of the far right.

The news of the first casualties came as a shock, given the past two months of largely peaceful protests. The man photographed lying in the snow was later identified as Serhiy Nihoyan, a 20-year-old whose parents had moved to Ukraine from Armenia. He came to the protests on December 8 from his native Dnipropetrovsk, in eastern Ukraine. This video shows him reciting “The Caucasus,” a poem by Ukraine’s most famous poet, Taras Shevchenko, with the barricades on Kiev’s Independence Square in the background.

Nihoyan has quickly become a martyr of sorts for the Euromaidan movement. “Once an Armenian film director [Sergei] Paradzhanov made a film that became the symbol of the Ukrainians,” tweeted Svyatoslav Vakarchuk, the lead singer of Okean Elzy, one of Ukraine’s most popular bands. He was referencing the 1964 film Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors, which became a symbol of Ukrainian cultural resistance against Soviet rule. “Today, the Armenian Nihoyan gave away his life, which became a symbol of Ukraine.”

By evening, the number of victims had risen to five, with reports saying that one man had been shot and another had fallen to his death. With no shortage of photos of Ukrainian cops aiming rifles at protesters, the question is whether they have abandoned rubber bullets for real ones. Oleg Musiy, the coordinator of medical services at the protests, was quoted in the Kyiv Post saying that “it’s impossible” that Nihoyan’s fatal injuries were caused by rubber bullets. On Sunday, the Interior Ministry said that the police had permission to use firearms but had not done so, though photos shared on social media displaying an array of deadly looking debris seemed to contradict that.

“Of course, we regret what happened, though we have nothing to do with it and call on people not to succumb to provocations,” said Ukrainian Prime Minister Mykola Azarov as he denied the use of deadly weapons at a government meeting on Monday. He also said there were no grounds for accusing the cops of being behind the killings, as officers on Hrushevskoho Street don't have any firearms at all.

Some activists are apparently (and maybe half-jokingly) trying to win the riot police over. One young female protester was photographed holding a poster that said she'd marry an officer who dared rally to the protesters’ side. A 30-year-old banker promised to pay cops a salary for six months if they “stopped beating people.” Police officers are afraid that they will be fired if they don’t obey orders, and this guarantee would give them time to look for another job, he explained to a newspaper.

On Wednesday, Ukraine’s three opposition leaders—Vitali Klitschko, Arseniy Yatsenyuk, and Oleh Tyahnybok—finally met with President Viktor Yanukovych. The meeting lasted over three hours, but appeared to achieve little. “Viktor Yanukovich, you have 24 hours left,” warned Yatseniuk, the head of Ukraine’s biggest opposition party, that evening. “Make a decision. I made mine.” A crowd of about 60,000—a big turnout for a midweek rally—had gathered on Independence Square to hear speeches and hold a minute of silence was held to remember the fallen.

As the estimated number of wounded rose to 300, the police appear to be targeting journalists again—a fact that seemed to escape one daring Polish TV reporter, who decided to walk right up to some riot cops and ask them questions like, "Why are you doing this?" Dmytro Barkar, one of two radio reporters who were beaten and taken away by the police, claims the cops tore off his helmet—which had “PRESS” written on it—and beat him on the head with their batons. He told Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty that as he was dragged into a police van, “every policeman I met along the way welcomed me with his fist.”

Meanwhile the search was on for another journalist, Igor Lutsenko, who had been kidnapped on Tuesday morning. He reappeared again late that evening, and has since described how his kidnappers took him into the forest and made it seem as if they were about to kill him. Yuri Verbytsky, a Euromaidan activist who had gone missing with him, was not found until the following day—dead.

Other reporters have decided not to stick around. On Tuesday, Vitali Portnikov, a well-known Ukrainian journalist, fled the country following repeated threats. That day, he had received a visit from a group of titushkypro-government thugs. “Three men of a certain appearance are ringing the doorbell. They entered the porch without using the intercom,” he tweeted. (Six hours later he reported that that he was fine.)

The Ukrainian authorities’ attitude to the press is summed up well by this short video, which shows a cop smashing the lens of the camera that's filming him:

Despite the drama, international reaction has been slow. On Wednesday, the US Department of State announced that “the United States has already revoked visas of several people responsible for violence, and will continue to consider additional steps in response to the use of violence by any actors.” The EU has not undertaken similar measures, though some politicians are urging sanctions. Meanwhile, it has been reported that Prime Minister Azarov has had his invitation to the World Economic Forum, currently taking place in Switzerland, withdrawn.

Five days into the clashes, Kiev is now experiencing a moment of calm thanks to a ceasefire announced by Vitali Klitschko, a boxing champion and leader of the UDAR (“punch”) party and will last until 8 PM local time. The opposition is meeting Yanukovych for more talks. But the situation in Kiev remains far from stable.

Follow Annabelle on Twitter: @AB_Chapman

Why Are Black Metal Fans Such Elitist Assholes?

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Why Are Black Metal Fans Such Elitist Assholes?

A Woman in Alabama Tried to Get TP Off Her House by Setting It on Fire

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screencaps via Fox 6 WBRC

Cheryl Crausewell, of Dora, Alabama attempted, with the help of her son, to clean up her toilet-papered house on Monday afternoon. A persistent piece of toilet paper was stuck in a magnolia tree, so they tried a little of nature's Hoover: fire. Now they have a burned down house, and the kids who TP'd their house over the weekend are, one assumes, getting laid non-stop.

Crausewell gave a moment-by-moment breakdown of the incident to a TV news crew, which I will paraphrase below:

They were out cleaning up their home that had been, in Alabama parlance, "rolled," along with other houses in the Hickory Ridge community of Dora. They'd done a pretty satisfactory job, but there's always that little bit left in the magnolia isn't there? 

Where most people would have turned to Wikihow, Crausewell turned to her Zippo. She says they lit just a few squares, which got caught by a breeze and landed in the yard. Only seconds after the plan was hatched, the lawn was ablaze—casting some doubt on that whole "we only lit a couple squares" thing—and the fire looped around the house.

She told WBRC News, "It just popped out into a little patch and we tried to put it out and it just kept going, so I was trying to keep it from going down the front porch and came down the bank and around the back of the house." At this point the fire caught a propane tank, which Crausewell thinks leaked or exploded, and soon the fire had spread to her house of 12 years. 

Now I hate to point this out, but news footage of the fire being put out happened to give a progress report on Crausewell's cleanup job. Looking at the left of the frame, it looks like the fire method didn't accomplish the one thing it was designed for:  


She also failed to provide the TV news a detailed explanation of her thought process. For those who don't know, TPing a house is a game, and the objective is to place a few pieces somewhere so high or hard to reach that the victim can't clean it all. You hope some of it stays there for days, or hopefully weeks. These bits of toilet paper are called "the angels' share," and they'll be cleaned up by things like birds and wind. You're forgiven for litter because it was the work of those damn neighborhood hooligans, not you.

Crausewell and her son successfully evacuated her elderly aunt, her mother, and her aunt's caregiver, who were all home at the time, and no one was injured. In other news that makes it okay to laugh at Crausewell, she had homeowner's insurance, and plans to rebuild on the same property, because the property holds "a lot of memories. You know?"

It would hold a lot of memories, I suppose. But in the coming days and weeks, as Crausewell replays the incident in her head, I wonder if she won't want to move to a piece of land with fewer memories. I sure would.

@MikeLeePearl

Meet the Nieratkos: Nieratko Vs. Cheazy-E, Round II

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Cheazy-E in a Porta Potty

Like most people, I have changed a great deal over the last 15 years. I’ve dropped a good 50 pounds, quit drugs, gotten married, had two kids, adopted a rosier disposition on life… in short, I am a far cry from the raving lunatic I once was.

That last bit is most noticeable in my professional life. In the late 90s I thoroughly enjoyed fucking with my interview subjects, but when the bottom fell out at my employer, Larry Flynt’s Big Brother skateboarding magazine, I found out that the rest of skateboarding had turned vanilla and no one wanted their ‘athletes’ made fun of in print. If I wanted to continue working in skateboarding, I realized, I would have to tame my interview style. But despite mellowing out in my old age and trying to exemplify kinder, gentler, fatherly qualities I very much miss busting balls.

One of the people I interviewed during my raving lunatic years recently sent VICE’s general email account the following message:

"One time Chris Nieratko interviewed me for a cover story in Big Brother Magazine and made me come off as a gott-damn retard. At the time I was a rapper named Cheazy-E, so I guess I should have expected it. The notoriety spawned from that interview and other press led to me being discovered by director John Waters and ultimately cast in a lead role in Cecil B Demented. I did acting for 4 years, made a quarter mil, and then quit to work at a boiler room sales floor in Van Nizzle (Van Nuys). I recently released a novel titled Phonehead loosely based on the experience. I have all sorts of rad photos on film sets and also working in the cubicle hellhole of doom. Get at me about an interview or something, otherwise it will probably all just end up on my Uncle Jebidiah's farm blog."

I had long forgotten my torturous talk with Cheazy-E back in 1999 (I published the interview under the pseudonym Ross Diamond to avoid a non-compete clause in a contract), but when he reached out I thought it would be a good idea to dust off the old jokes and catch up with the skater turned rapper turned actor turned author, find out how his life has been going, and to let him know nobody uses the word ‘retard’ anymore.

Pat Duffy and Eric

VICE: It’s been about 15 years since I interviewed you for Big Brother. Have you gotten any better at rapping?
Cheazy-E, aka Eric Barry:
Nope. Ain’t a damn thing changed. Actually, I don’t mess around with it too much anymore. I kind of killed the rap thing because it got exhausting trying to promote multiple personalities. Sometimes I still record for fun, but I’m smarter about it. I used to waste so much money paying a studio engineer 50 bucks an hour to record and mix. Now I just use a mic and laptop, which is what I should have done all along. It’s not like I used any instruments or was known for my production quality.

At the time, you told me you were happy with the interview in Big Brother. Why do you think I made you look bad now when you were stoked on it 15 years ago?
Some of the questions in the old interview didn’t leave much wiggle room for me to shine, but as far as you making me look bad, I wouldn’t really say that.

Who uses the word ‘retard’ anymore?
People who want a synonym for ‘idiot.’

Do you still use the terms ‘bitch’ and ‘ho’?
No.

Were you worried that if I interviewed you a second time I’d really try to make you look like “a gott-damn retard”?
I figured since you were married and had a family you would soften up and ask me about the beauty of life, but it’s not really going in that direction.

Clip from Big Brother's Boob

As a result of our last interview you were cast in a John Waters movie and you never thanked me. What was that like?
Right. I know. It’s like Johnny Knoxville and I had the same career trajectory. Get in Big Brother. Get in Big Brother’s Boobvideo. Then star in a John Waters film. After that our careers differed greatly. He’s Bad Grandpa and I’m Bad Writer.

Did you blow John to get in the movie?
No. No. No. John had great confidence in my acting abilities from the start. Other people on set—not so much. I overheard assistant directors saying stuff like, “We better hurry up and shoot Eric’s scene before he has a nervous breakdown.”

John Waters, Eric, and Stephen Dorff

Why do you tell people you had a lead role in Cecil B. Demented when IMDB lists you 13th on the cast list?
Well, you see, the order of the cast is never reflective of how big a part someone had. It is, however, reflective of how well your agent negotiated your billing. As far as screen time, I had the third or fourth biggest role in the film. In the casting world, members of the main ensemble cast are usually referred to as the leads, but as far as Academy Awards and the Razzies go, yes, it would be considered a supporting role. When I see all sorts of people in LA referring to “extra work” as a supporting role, that definitely makes me want to call it a lead role—to separate the wheat from the chaff. Or is it chafe? 

You are beneath Kevin Nealon on the IMDB list, which is cool.
Yeah, Kevin is rad. Originally his role of Forrest Gump in Cecil B. Demented was scripted for Michael J. Fox, but that didn’t happen. Not sure why. Maybe his health, or a lack of interest. Then I think Luke Perry wanted it but had a scheduling conflict. They locked down Kevin Nealon the day before shooting his part. Right before he wrapped for the day he asked me to sign his script. I thought he wanted my autograph, but he explained that he always has the cast sign his scripts and then he donates them to a charity auction. I thought I was cool for a second.

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Adrian Grenier. Photo by Eric Barry.

Ever dated any celebrities?
I had a couple make-out scenes on TV with some actresses on the come-up. Nothing scandalous. Never dated anyone in the entertainment industry. No singers, dancers, or actresses. But then again I dated a lot of young women so most hadn’t picked their career paths yet.

Did you get to pork Melanie Griffith’s old face on the set of Cecil B. Demented?
Nope. Not a lot of action on that set. It was super cold and everyone was sick.

Would you pork her new scary plastic face, if given the opportunity?
I just googled “pork her” and an article about a woman with O-sized breasts came up. So I’m going to say no.

When I interviewed you in 1999 you were a 20-year-old virgin. Did you ever end up getting laid?
Haha. I was only 19 at the time. But yeah, I guess technically I was a virgin, but I had stuck every other body part in there—including my elbow. I was convinced if I had sex with a girl she would get pregnant and then I would get stuck in some dumb town or city forever. As I got older I learned to roll the dice. I’m sure some of it was unfounded OCD or anxiety, both of which sex cures, thankfully. Yes, I’m a grown-ass man and did have sex.

Lawrence Gilliard, Jr. and Eric

How did that go?
Well, I think you learn very quickly that just because a girl makes a few noises that doesn’t mean she orgasmed.

Please, share with the audience your first sexual experience.
About a minute in I remember thinking: This is a sin? By the time I finished I was a full-blown agnostic.

Aside from that one major motion picture you’ve been somewhat of a failed actor the last 15 years with bit parts on bullshit TV shows. What happened?
I’m actually one of the few actors who never had a bit part. All of my characters had names. No “Paramedic #3” or “Confused Tourist.” All juicy, fat roles. Not to be confused with fat rolls. All of it came with no prior experience or showbiz connections. You gotta think, though, sometimes it’s fun to sabotage success to see if you can recreate it.

You recently wrote a book. Tell me about it, and are you as shitty a writer as you are a rapper?
It’s a novel called Phonehead. It’s about an actor named West Cooper who quits showbiz and takes a job at a call center of doom. A few people have told me it reminds them of a book called Post Office. I spent five years writing this thing, so it’s as good a book as I’ll ever write.

Like most stoned teenagers, I was a telemarketer for a short time. What was the worst part of the job for you?
It wasn’t so bad. It made me feel kind of famous. People are always talking about telemarketers. It was interesting to get in there and mix it up with them. The first couple hours of the day are pretty brutal—when your head is still asleep and your throat is dry and the sales managers want you to talk with the energy of a coked-out maniac.

Phonehead is listed as #333,947 on the Amazon Best Sellers list, and one reviewer called you autistic and another called the book, “retardedly quirky,” so it seems you’ve found your audience. What’s next? Another book in hopes of making the top 250,000?
Is Walmart hiring? There are eight million books on Amazon. I’ll take whatever piece of the pie I can get. But yes, I definitely have a few more books in the works. I recently attended my alma mater’s alumni networking event in Beverly Hills. As the microphone went around the table, everyone announced what they did for work. When it got to me, I paused. All sorts of things ran through my mind. Finally I blurted out: “AUTHOR!”

Follow Eric on Twitter @ericbarry_

For more on Eric click here; to buy his book click here.

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com or @Nieratko

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