On September 26, teaching students from the Ayotzinapa Normal School in Mexico were intercepted by police forces en route to a protest in Iguala. In the ensuing clash, six people were killed and 43 Ayotzinapa students were taken away by the police. Investigations over the following weeks led to the startling allegations that the police had acted at the behest of the local mayor and had turned over the abducted students to members of the Guerreros Unidos cartel. All 43 students are now feared dead.

The case has come to crystallize the outrage and frustration many Mexicans feel toward the state of justice and rule of law in the country. The events have now galvanized the survivors of the attack and the disappeared students' parents. Demonstrations have increased in intensity nationwide, and recently led to government buildings in Guerrero to be set on fire.

Are you thinking about moving to the beautiful, culturally rich city of Copenhagen but are worried that there aren't going to be enough people who look and act like a Fox News talking head's conception of what a "hipster" is? Well, you can rest easy: some company called Pandox is building a hotel or hostel or something in the trendy neighborhood of Vesterbro called Urban House, and judging from the video they put together to promote it, the city is full of enough "life afficionados" (read: assholes) to cover the entire earth three times over:

Hilariously, the video is titled "What is Urban House" but fails utterly to answer that question—in fact, it could actually be a joke in the vein of ​Nathan Barley or Portlandia. Except Urban House is a real place, a real structure that is currently in construction and will open in March 2015 unless the earth swallows it up in a fit of rage. When Urban House goes into business, Vesterbro will finally complete its transition from buzzing city enclave to actual, real-life Instagram filter.

To see what the future of that neighborhood will look like, we went through the video frame by frame in search of enlightenment.

[body_image width='800' height='446' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416830811.png' id='6134']

00:00 - The first 30 seconds of the video were presumably storyboarded at a meeting in the kind of cafe where the menu is just a clipboard and yet, inexplicably, Eggs Benedict still costs $16. Here is what those brunchers brainstormed that day: a bicyclist riding in slow-motion on a frigid Danish day; a voiceover in an obscure Australian/British accent that sounds like what would happen if a motivational poster learned to talk; people making creative hand gestures in boutique restaurants with high ceilings.

[body_image width='800' height='448' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831003.png' id='6141']

00:07 - "You are different, like us," we are told, while looking at a Scandinavian girl sitting on a train and texting.

[body_image width='800' height='447' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831059.png' id='6143']

00:11 - Here's the token non-white person, followed by everyone's favorite empty phrases—"creative melting pot," "ethnic chic," and "buzzing with authentic vibes" all make an appearance. Note the graffiti in the background here. That's very hip.

[body_image width='800' height='447' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831125.png' id='6146']

00:25 - "Wassup, player!" this girl's don't-give-a-fuck-peace-sign-and-a-bicycle-pose seems to say. "Just stopping off here to do an #ootd shoot before whipping up a batch of gluten-free muffins. By the way, don't hang out here too long—after 8 PM this street is basically just trashed dudes on vacation trying to pick up transgender Thai sex workers. Peace!"

[body_image width='800' height='442' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831223.png' id='6149']

00:30 - This is a commendably ambitious chapter in the Urban House saga. In under 15 seconds, the narrator informs us there will be a smorgasbord of "quirky cafes," "original microbreweries," "neighboring fishmongers," "local art galleries" and even "buzzing sustainable restaurants." I can't wait to be like the owner of this disembodied hand and drink a sustainably microbrewed locally sourced beer while eating a potato (?) and smelling the fish art or whatever.

[body_image width='800' height='435' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831315.png' id='6154']

00:49 - Next, we're told that we "don't do fashion—we do style," and are presented with the most convincing embodiment of the statement these guys could think of—a dude wearing a trucker hat, bombarding our poor eyes with two dense sleeves of tattoos. He also has two massive cans of (presumably sustainable) beer that he is apparently just drinking on the pavement, because street fights don't start themselves.

[body_image width='800' height='434' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831428.png' id='6161']

00:55 - The video continues with some shots of basketball hoops and that Scandi chick being unique on a train again before we're told that Copenhageners are—wait for it—"life aficionados." Yup, real breathing connoisseurs who are, like, totally into pumping blood through their veins.

[body_image width='783' height='430' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831536.jpg' id='6167']

01:08 - "Labels are for other people," we're told. Apart from the label "life aficionados." That's a different kind of label. Then there's some slow-mo hair-flipping by a woman in a tube top.

[body_image width='800' height='436' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831625.png' id='6169']

01:11 - How do you do, fellow kids? Anyone want to "get radical" and "pop an ollie" down on the bench outside the park? Haha no I'm not a cop! Hey, anyway got any "ganja"?

[body_image width='800' height='410' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831723.png' id='6170']

01:30 - And then this, one final word crime which sounds more like advice your brassy friend gives you after a bad breakup than a tourism slogan. The highlight of this whole section is the graphic treatment at the end—using a font that was probably literally called "MTV in 1994."

[body_image width='800' height='414' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='urban-house-promo-video-is-a-joke-right-221-body-image-1416831870.png' id='6172']

It sounds like a wonderful hostel where all the unique, buzzing people of the world can go on vacation and bask in their lack of labels while leaving the rest of us blissfully alone.

[body_image width='1200' height='675' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='concerning-violence-rachel-segal-hamilton-320-body-image-1416847348.jpg' id='6263']

Frantz Fanon's  The Wretched of the Earth has been a bible for revolutionaries the world over, from Che Guevara to Malcolm X to anti-apartheid activist Steve Biko. Written while Fanon was dying of cancer, the book breaks down the psychology of imperialism—colonial regimes are built on violence, says Fanon, and dehumanize the colonized through weapons like language. The only way such power structures are overthrown is through more violence, and Fanon outlines the ideological conditions that can facilitate this kind of revolt. For this Fanon has had his share of detractors—those who read him, simplistically, as glorifying and promoting violence.

Now a new film by Swedish filmmaker Göran Hugo Olsson, Concerning Violence, puts Fanon's words alongside rarely seen footage of people who lived through the African liberation struggles of the 60s: female guerrillas in Mozambique, Christian missionaries, and a young Robert Mugabe. Olsson's aim is to "promote Fanon's ideas" to the next generation.

I spoke to Olsson over the phone to find out more.

VICE: How did you come across Fanon's writings and what impression did they make on you?
​Göran Hugo Olsson: I have a feeling I read Fanon as a young person, but about two years ago a publisher gave me a copy of The Wretched of the Earth. I went to a café, read the first chapter, and was blown away by it. Fanon wrote it in the last days of his life so it goes in many different directions. He talks about, "you," "me," "we." I love that it's diverse and disparate; it's not a fine text that someone contemplated for a long time but a mishmash.

What's the strongest theme for you?
​ Structural violence and what living under that does to you. The clearest example of this is what we've seen in Gaza. This text answers the question of why Hamas is shooting those—in my opinion—worthless rockets into Israel and why Israel is reacting with violence. Also, what will happen to the kids growing up in that environment.

What were the challenges in translating a nonfiction book to screen?
​ I only used the first and last chapters of the book. At first I thought, Who am I to make that decision? Then I heard that Penguin Books does a series called Great Ideas and that they'd done the same. I divided the film into chapters to keep that book-like feeling. In this kind of film there's no natural movement or arc, so you have to create the narrative.

The book came with a debated preface by Jean-Paul Sartre. I didn't like it. It seems like a misunderstanding, like he wrote it in an evening, too fast. I had Gaya​tri Spivak do my preface. In it she criticizes Sartre, Fanon, and the film. It's unusual for a film to have that kind of self-criticism, but it helps the viewer to see between the lines.

My edition has that preface by Sartre, too, but I read that in 1967 Fanon's wife, Josie,  asked for it to be removed because of Sartre's support for Zionism.
​ Yes, that's true. But I know they sell more books with Sartre's name on the cover as well.

[body_image width='1200' height='815' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='concerning-violence-rachel-segal-hamilton-320-body-image-1416847537.jpg' id='6265']

You mentioned Gaza earlier, but how do you feel Fanon's ideas relate to other current issues—the rise of Islamic State, for example?
​ IS is an extreme, so it is hard to say. But I think that, in one way or another, it reflects the violence that's been put on some people over a very long period of time. It was such a mistake [for the US and UK] to invade Iraq. I was in London on that march with a million people. We were saying, "We don't support these people. Please think again—this isn't the right method." And they said no. I hate Tony Blair for that. He could have said to Bush, "I have to wait because the people in my country aren't with me on this yet." But he chose not to.

Are there ways in which the text has dated?
​ It's obviously an old text. There's a gender issue to it. He uses "man," and Europe is described as a "she." But this is like a text from Freud or Marx—obviously it doesn't apply exactly to today, but you can start with this text to analyze what is happening.

Lauryn Hill voices Fanon's words in the film. How did she come on board?
​ We had mutual friends, and through them, I knew she was into Fanon. She was in prison at the time for tax problems. I wrote to her, and she responded immediately saying, "I'm reading Fanon in my cell every evening."

She was released on a Friday. Monday morning she went into the studio. She did several recordings. At first she read too fast-paced—that's partly down to the the hip-hop background. I told her she had to read slower. She said, "When I read this text it's a revelation. It's like 400 years of oppression being released, and that's a celebration. A celebration is always uptempo."
​
​She thought it was the same as when John Coltrane and Charlie Parker discovered their African roots in jazz. I said, "You're 100 percent right, but, in a text, you can read at your own tempo. You have to trust me." 

And she did?
Yes, but it took some convincing.

Fanon has been read as an advocate of violence—were you trying to readdress that?
​ Yes. Ultimately what makes this text so great and timeless is that he [Fanon] was a psychiatrist. He tried to heal the wounds of violence as a doctor in Algeria—on both the Algerian and the French sides.
​
​ [body_image width='1200' height='675' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='concerning-violence-rachel-segal-hamilton-320-body-image-1416847688.jpg' id='6267']

Your last film, ​The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975​, also used found footage. Why do you use this approach?
​ Some of the footage in this film has a colonial viewpoint. But there is no reason for a European filmmaker today to travel to Africa to film stuff. I hate that. I think people within communities should make their own images. Then you can collaborate on films, putting the images in context. I consider myself a non-recording director.

Did you always think this would be an archive film?
​ No. At first I was looking for contemporary images. I also had an idea at one point to do animation, but it was too specific, too made-up. I tried to find footage that was kind of universal and good quality. The guns, cars, oil rigs, and helicopters look old, but not too much, and the mining machines look basically the same today. I got all the material from Swedish broadcast companies. I knew we had fantastic archive from this period.

[body_image width='1200' height='675' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='concerning-violence-rachel-segal-hamilton-320-body-image-1416847643.jpg' id='6266']

What's the relationship of this footage to the text? Does it illustrate or expand on it?
​ Both, at different times. I learned from Ingmar Bergman that no matter how serious your film is, you have to have a laugh. And you have one in this where the missionaries confuse their own morality with God's scriptures. You need that comic relief. 

It's also about narration. Sometimes it's to exemplify, sometimes it's to diverge, and sometimes it's just beautiful images. But for me this film is the text. I'd love it if someone one day would take my film and download it—not yet, but in a year or something—put different images to it and see what happens.

Follow Rachel Segal Hamilton on ​Twitter.

[body_image width='640' height='416' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='the-black-plague-is-spreading-in-madagascar-body-image-1416865028.jpg' id='6342']

For years, Madagascar has been one of the world's last remaining hotspots for the plague, a.k.a. the Black Death, a once-global epidemic that's now in the domain of world history teachers rather than doctors. Although 1,000 people still contract it every year, it's not exactly popping up in New York City. Even in Madagascar the illness has been mostly isolated rural villages and relatively self-contained.

But now, according to the World Health Organization, two people in the country's capital have been infec​ted with the plague and one has died. It's a troubling situation, and one that was unfortunately predicted back in September when VICE Reports visited Madagascar to take a look at this very issue.

As part of a documentary released in September, correspondent Ben Shapiro helicoptered into a village about 1,000 kilometers north of the capital that was considered a hot zone. 

Now that the disease has made it to a densely populated area, a major outbreak seems likely, inevitable. In Antananarivo, the capital, garbage is dumped in the streets and public restroom conditions are terrible. Black rats—the primary vector for the disease that killed about 100 million people in the 14th century—run freely between buildings.

The people there there told Shapiro that they were scared of an outbreak, and they should be: After a 2009 coup, international aid to the country has pretty much dried up.

"There is now a risk of a rapid spread of the disease due to the city's high population density and the weakness of the healthcare system," the WHO said in its report, while noting that a task force has been activated to manage the outbreak.

Without money from Western nations coming in, though, the country doesn't have much to work with, though the African Development Bank is allocating $200,000 to fight the plague. As Shapiro noted in his report, the conditions leading up to the outbreak mirror those that caused the Ebola virus to spread throughout West Africa.

"Belief in old practices, rampant misinformation, and apathetic, corrupt politicians have combined to make the current outbreak much more widespread than it should be," he said in the documentary. "For Madagascar, though, it's unclear how many more people will die of plague before things start to change."

Follow Allie Conti on ​Twitter.

[body_image width='700' height='467' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='brandon-wardell-is-younger-and-more-successful-than-you-123-body-image-1416867052.jpg' id='6358']

​Brandon Wardell is a 22-year-old stand up comedian who looks 14. He wears a backpack onstage, tells jokes about going to "boy/girl parties," and sleeps in a twin-sized mattress on the floor. He also has a joint album coming out November 25 with comedy legend Bob Odenkirk called Amateur Hour.

How the fuck did this kid make his way onto an album with one half of Mr. Show? I asked him exactly that at the Hollywood Boulevard Hooters, where he ordered an egregious amount of food and drink once he heard VICE was footing the bill.
​

VICE: How did you even get to open for Bob, let alone get him to put you on his album?
​Brandon Wardell: A week before he did the album, he hit up ​A Special Thing Records, and was like, "One, I want to record an album next week. And two, find me the funniest young guy you can think of."

He specifically wanted someone super young?​
​Yeah, he wanted somebody green. He wanted somebody under the radar, and so they gave him my name. He watched a video, liked it, and asked me to open for the album. I thought I was just opening for the recording, but afterwards he was, like, "Oh, are you cool with just being on the album?" I was like, "Yeah, yeah, I'm cool with that."

How did you get on A Special Thing's radar?
​Just through LA comedy. One of the guys that runs the label runs ​Put Your Hands Together at UCB, and [Andy] Kindler recommended me to him when I moved out. So I guess, by proxy, Kindler kind of created it, but yeah. We [recorded the album] and Bob asked me to go on tour with him a couple months later. Instead of having me cold open on the tour, he would do 15 to 20 minutes of standup, a book reading, and then just bring me out in the middle, and just be, like, "Oh, here's like a guy whose standup I like."

How'd that go over with the crowd?
​The crowd liked it. It's so much better than a cold open—otherwise people would think, "Oh, this is like some local scrub," but then him explicitly endorsing me like 15 minutes in—

Gives you some cache?
​Yeah, like, "Oh, here's a fun break for a second." And then I came out and talked about rap and cumming. Then he came back out—it's cool that he did that, he gave that endorsement before I came out, because the crowds were older, and some kid was coming out in, like, a ​FAP hoodie and backpack, talking about rappers and jacking off or whatever. I feel like they're more inclined to be into that if Bob's like, "Oh, you should be into this."

[body_image width='700' height='700' path='images/content-images/2014/11/22/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/22/' filename='brandon-wardell-is-younger-and-more-successful-than-you-123-body-image-1416616902.jpg' id='6002']

Do you want to tell your Al Franken story?
​Oh, yeah, yeah. That was sick. Bob and Al used to work together at SNL. They didn't like each other—I think it's fine if you mention that. They didn't get along during the SNL era, but Bob has always really supported him as a politician, so Al just invited us to have dinner for, like, two hours. We went to some restaurant that had a sausage sampler. Al bought a bunch of expensive sausage—he bought, like, at least $60 worth of sausage. And I was just drunk as fuck by the time we went to hang out with Al Franken, and I don't know—I feel like he didn't appreciate any of my jokes. He was a nice guy, it was literally, like, 24 hours after the reelection, so he was, you know, cool, but definitely didn't get me.

[tweet text="I'm on a plane and making @mrbobodenkirk listen to @LILBTHEBASEDGOD for the first time pic.twitter.com/KuZvPxE2WU" byline="— BRANDON WARDELL (@BRANDONWARDELL)" user_id="BRANDONWARDELL" tweet_id="529714939519586304" tweet_visual_time="November 4, 2014"]

And, I mean, I love Al Franken. He's one of my favorite politicians. But the day before, I had tweeted a photo of me making Bob listen to Lil B, and said, "Oh I'm on a plane making @MrBobOdenkirk listen to @LILBTHEBASEDGOD," and Lil B direct messaged me "LOVE! LOVE!" in all caps and I was definitely more excited about Lil B DMing me than hanging out with, like, a senator and comedy legend for two hours. That's where my priorities are. I posted about it on Facebook, and some dude was, like, "Uh, time to sit you down with some old SNL," and I was like, "Lil B's influenced my comedy 100 times more than old SNL. I've watched so many more Lil B videos than I have old SNL sketches."

What influences your comedy in general?
​I think hip-hop is my biggest influence, in terms of bravado—I'm just trying to channel that braggadocio. I feel like my whole thing is just, like, I'm a beta person actively trying to pretend to be alpha.

So it's all artifice is what you're saying.
​Right, yeah. It's also sort of, like, awkward comedy is so passé now.

What do you mean by awkward comedy?
​Nerds just being like, "I'm a nice guy." Those Michael Cera–ass fuckboys. I think it's funnier to just be like, "Yeah, I'm the shit." I think that's a funnier angle.

[body_image width='1200' height='800' path='images/content-images/2014/11/22/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/22/' filename='brandon-wardell-is-younger-and-more-successful-than-you-123-body-image-1416617081.jpg' id='6006']

I feel like a lot of people are bitter and resentful of the fact that you're so young and have like already gotten to the level you're at. How do you deal with that blowback?
​I don't know, who's talking? Point 'em out. Name names. Who's talking shit? Do you hear people talking shit?

Yeah, because you're so fucking young. All comics are bitter—the older they get, the more bitter they are. Has anyone ever said anything to you personally?
​I've had a comic friend like drunk and just be, like, "Hey man, I'm happy for you, but I get mad when you get things because like I just feel like I'm funnier than you." That was the most egregious. I don't like when comics are like, "Oh, how did you get that?" Because it always comes off as—

Presuming you did something shitty in order to get it?
Yeah, it never seems congratulatory. It always seems weirdly accusatory and just like it never comes from a positive place. But for the most part, I just try to surround myself with people that I like to the point where I'm not even aware of people talking shit.

You started when you were 17. What was your material like?
​When I was 17, I had very little material—my first couple months, I'd have a bunch of sets where I'd just be, like, "Uh...how much time do I have left?" I'd forget my jokes, but people would just assume that it was a planned-out thing. I was literally just a bad standup, but people assumed that it was a smart Andy Kaufman thing.

How did that make you feel when people would compare you like that when you know that it wasn't intentional?
​Oh, it was just, like, "This is the best=case scenario for me being shitty." If you're shitty and people just assume that it's a bit, that's great. I would just write impersonal jokes because nobody wants to hear a 17-year-old express an opinion. Nobody wants to hear a 22-year-old say their opinions either. I don't try to say anything, I don't try to make any grand sociopolitical statements, because I'm still a fucking idiot. I just spend all day looking at rap blogs in my underwear.

Your brain is not fully developed.
​Yeah, I don't need to be talking about Benghazi.

[body_image width='1200' height='830' path='images/content-images/2014/11/22/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/22/' filename='brandon-wardell-is-younger-and-more-successful-than-you-123-body-image-1416617114.jpg' id='6008']

What's your ultimate goal in comedy?
​Being friends with Drake and fucking Ariana Grande. That's all I really want. The Fallon booker hit me up, pushing hard for me to do my joke about Drake, because I want Drake to see it. I literally want, I feel like that's—I don't know—I can get Drake to notice me in the next couple of years. Yeah, being friends with Drake, fucking Ariana Grande.

Why do you want Drake to know who you are so bad?
​Because Drake's probably the most important person to me.

But why? What draws you to Drake?
​His vulnerability. He's the most relatable to me of any rapper. "Marvin's Room"? That's a song about him drunk-dialing a girl and not getting laid. That's fucking sick. No other rapper is willing to be that vulnerable. And the fact that he's so consistent and so versatile. It's undeniable. His music's great, he's definitely the most charismatic guy in America. You watch his SNL and it's, like, "Oh yeah, he's funnier than any of my peers." I literally think he's funnier than any comics. I think his music is so consistently amazing. Yeah, he's so great, and I think he's a comedy fan—he sampledEastbound and Down, and I'm basing it off that, but you know. Hopefully, look, I'm mentioning Drake right now, hopefully he'll see his Google alerts, he'll see this interview and he'll listen to me do ten minutes on a Bob Odenkirk album. And Ariana Grande, holler at me.

Follow Megan Koester on ​Twitter.

[body_image width='669' height='931' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='preparation-for-the-next-life-an-interview-with-atticus-lish-361-body-image-1416863083.jpg' id='6341']​

Preparation for the Next Life is Atticus Lish's first novel. It is, in the opinions of many of the world's ​literary tastemakers, really fucking good. The book is ostensibly a love story set in New York City between an ex-Marine named Skinner and an illegal Chinese immigrant named Zou Lei. But it is also an honest examination of the often-overlooked immigrant experience in this country, as well as the depressing reality faced by many of our veterans when they return home from war. The story is told so simply, the words chosen so economically, that the reader could be forgiven for not immediately noticing its power. Like one of those old people on Antique Road Show who brings in a rusty old spoon and is told it's worth $20 million. Giancarlo DiTrapano, the book's publisher, put it well when ​he told the New York Times,"From the first line, he strikes a note and holds it for 400 pages."

In the interest of full disclosure, Atticus Lish's father, the famed editor Gordon Lish, was an old teacher of mine. I picked up Preparation for the Next Life with no interest in lifting up the progeny of my old teacher. I leafed through the novel one evening, chiefly for the delicious opportunity to "lish" a Lish. But as the sun rose, I was stunned to realize I'd completed Preparation for the Next Life and had fallen in love with its grittiness and earnestness in exploring a part of New York City—and the American mind-set—that few locals have ever seen.

I met up with Atticus at a bar to talk about his novel shortly after I had finished devouring it.

VICE: Reading your book, I admired the crisp, sonic precision of your sentences. What makes a good sentence for you?
​ Atticus Lish: Honestly, I tried not to think about it at all. I just did my best to speak naturally, though this was harder than expected, especially in the beginning. I idolized Hemingway and Robert Stone, my then favorite authors. Their voices were in my head, and I would unconsciously ventriloquize them. Finally, thank God, I stopped doing impressions and started being me. Bear in mind, I hadn't written much of anything before, and I was figuring this all out as I went along. I studied various works for insight, from Madame Bovary to the Bible. The lesson I saw everywhere was to speak plainly and directly and to be myself. If Hemingway's lesson is to write like you talk, the key part is to write how you yourself talk, not how Hemingway talks. So I embraced naturalness and intuition, or tried. But I had a host of other problems, including over-description. I lacked the ability to move in and out of scale, glossing over unimportant detail. My wife called me on this. I had to learn that you can cover years with a single sentence.

It's funny you mention scale, because the writing has such a natural sense of economy and proportion. The form has great inner balance. Light and dark have a nice equilibrium. The book contains these irrevocably dark and gritty passages juxtaposed alongside these moving, beautiful images. The early depictions of Zou Lei's homeland come to mind.
​ You're hitting on something that was a big issue for me. The things that I hit hard in the book were simply things I felt inspired to speak about. Some of the gritty stuff might have been based on an image I'd held in my head for years, but a lot of the lighter stuff also came from a warm place in my memory. The folktale that the mother tells Zou Lei when she is a child just sort of came to me. As I continued with the book, these patches of brightness just started to happen. But there was a conscious dimension to finding a balance, too. Perception is based on contrast. If nothing but bad things happened in my book, I didn't feel as if I could round out the full truth and capture both the joys and the miseries of life in full.

That's a balance most writers have a hard time finding in their work. It's very popular to take the view that nothing but death is the case, but that's a dyad that introduces the possibility for life. I admired your use of lists in different parts of the book.
​ When Zou Lei and Skinner go to the Chinese grocery store, there's a long list of products. As I was writing the book, I went to the streets to take notes. At a grocery store in Chinatown, I saw one product after another with these bizarre, uniquely Chinese names, and I started writing them all down: I felt like a shopper stuffing my bag with interesting names. After that, it became almost like show-and-tell. It tapped into that impulse of feeling as if I had some secret slice of the world that I wanted to reveal.

How much research did you do in writing this book? It felt considerable.
​ A lot. It sort of fell into two categories: Things that I experienced or things that I researched more traditionally. It would be a mistake to say that this is solely a work of imagination. I plucked most elements from the world around me. I know what it's like to be arrested. Parts of the immigrant house Zou Lei lives in when she arrives in New York were based on a place a guy took me to in Flushing. I also lived, though not for long, in an immigrant house in Boston's Chinatown. I saw up close how the living quarters are like a changing room where the ceiling is open and the guy in the compartment next to you is breathing a few feet away. Other parts required different research, as I've never experienced war directly. One thing that inspired me was the memoir House to House by Sergeant Bellavia, recounting his experiences in Fallujah. I also interviewed a lot of people. The NYPD does not want to talk to you, by the way. I spoke with a number of soldiers and lifted a phrase from a vet I met in the Atlanta airport: "turn and burn." Some people's voices got in my head. Mrs. Murphy's voice was clear in my head, and I had a few people I had the luck of overhearing. I heard two guys talking on the subway coming from Coney Island, and there's no way to describe their conversation except to call it mayhem.

So much of the book speaks to where our country has been since 9/11 in terms of American imperialism, globalization, and the consumer society. Do you mind speaking to that?
​ One of the great things about being in America is that we can discuss this. Yes, these things were definitely a driving force in writing the book. There were several major sources of inspiration, but political disenchantment was definitely one of them. I enjoyed the Clinton years. The budget was balanced, and most of us didn't even notice what was going on because things seemed to be running so smoothly. Then Bush came along and the War on Iraq was declared. I remember I was in California at the time, driving to a night-shift job, when Colin Powell was having the hearings making the case for war. I felt appalled. From the very beginning, it felt clear that people were working to come up with justification for an unjust war. You should never have an optional war. War is a means of last resort. I was so upset that I spent several years emotionally involved with politics, and that was a first. That sense of alienation from my country was a driving force as I was writing. I've gotten over the feeling, I guess, but at the time I was deeply distressed about the state of the country.

I admired the strength of the female lead, Zou Lei. Could you talk about her evolution as a character and what inspired her?
​ At one point, in my early Hemingway stage, I thought the book would clearly be from a guy's perspective. After a take like that, I realized that the story was better from Zou Lei's perspective. If I were to go really deep, it's probably related to how I slice up the world. I would say that my wife is the most important person in the world to me, and she partly inspired the strength behind the character. Another aspect is this: If a character has a vulnerability, I think the reader develops a rooting interest. As a woman, Zou Lei is inherently vulnerable. We have to worry for her.

Skinner is a fascinating character in his own right. He's returning from war, and there are indications that he's likely suffering from PTSD and TBI. That suffering is a driving force in the book.
​ A lot of that comes from my obsessive interest in war. War tantalizes and disturbs. Its nature is obscured by mythology and propaganda and by our own eyes: We all want to see it a certain way, like Ron Kovic's patriotic neighbors in Born on the Fourth of July. Chris Hedges's book War Is a Force That Gives Us Meaning made a huge impact on me in attacking the myth of the nobility of war. Hedges says war is necrophilia, that its true image is a soldier embracing a corpse. He is not alone in arguing that war unleashes criminal urges that are addictive and difficult to switch off. In my mind, Skinner has been contaminated by the war. Contaminated is the word that keeps coming back. He's a decent human being who has been dipped in the River Styx and comes out black and burned, spiritually tarnished. To me, the connection between war and crime unites the whole book. It's about how war comes back home in the form of crime or violent imbalance, even in the best of people. In a related way, the book is also about globalization, about people moving across borders, bringing creative or destructive forces with them as the case may be.

Skinner is returning from war while another character, Jimmy, is returning from prison. You get the feeling that they instantly sense each other encroaching on a territory like two grizzlies. How do you see institutionalization and indoctrination in the book?
​ Prisons and wars are two halves of authoritarian power, and they're both disturbing aspects of present-day America. The war on drugs and the war on terror have both been ways to lock people up, often unnecessarily. I was conscious that people were going to be transformed by imprisonment and war. The one person who wasn't changed a lot was Zou Lei. She goes in, but she's still pure.

Zou Lei and Skinner play really well together, and their finding each other felt inevitable. One thing I admire greatly is the depiction of Zou Lei's world of work. Maybe it's the MFA culture, but characters in literary fiction don't seem to have jobs anymore.
​ I've worked a lot of entry-level jobs. When I was a kid I liked working in malls, and I think I was a kid until my early 30s. I've worked at a lot of Chinese fast food restaurants, so I was able to pull from that. I worked at McDonald's for a while. I was fired from the Papaya King on 86th and Lex. A lot of her jobs were my jobs. I also had a mall in mind in Flushing and went to see it. I tried to talk to the workers, but they were skeptical, assuming I was some undercover agent from immigration. Eventually some people led me into the kitchen, and I spoke to the workers for a while until the boss was called. I wanted this to be a book for the sort of working-class people I've had in my life who don't always have books that speak to them and who don't always have authors interested in telling their stories.

Daniel Long is an Oklahoman living in New York. His work has appeared in New York Tyrant and The Carolina Quarterly, among others. He was managing editor of The Fiddleback, an online journal of literature and art.

Preparation for the Next Life was published by Tyrant Books. You can purchase a copy directly from the independent publisher ​here.

[body_image width='2000' height='580' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='the-current-obsession-with-film-doesnt-mean-its-better-body-image-1416797799.jpg' id='6059']
​All photos by Karl Edwards

​Shooting with film, in case you haven't noticed, has become the done thing in the art world right now. If you're not taking pictures of your beautiful friends by a body of water with a point-and-shoot as old as your kid sister, forget about it. In a lot of ways it makes sense; the digital revolution turned out mostly to be a bunch of butterfly wings photoshopped over soft-lit pregnant women shot on a Canon 8D. But while we do need to shake it up, is film the only answer?

Photographer Karl Edwards is the editor of  ​streetshootr.com. The site is a welcome break from the gear and tech talk that permeates much of photography these days. He's also a big fan of digital who sees there's a massive difference between your mom taking 900 photos at family dinners and great photographers using the best technology available to make interesting and original work. We grabbed him to talk about the  divide.

VICE: So what made you personally dedicated to digital?
​Karl Edwards: To me, it's not just the workflow, but I'm also in a constant state of learning. And the immediacy is the important thing, it gives you the kind of feedback where I remember the shots I took yesterday. Looking at them, I can think about how I could have shot it better. If it sits on a roll of film and two weeks go past, I'm a little more detached. For someone who's always trying to learn, it makes a lot of sense.

Also, I get about 90 minutes of peace to myself a day. I don't have unlimited resources so I'd have to shoot my own film, process it, and scan it myself. Not only is it not affordable, but that's about 90 minutes per roll. Film is the language of photography, but the reality is it's just not practical.

Where do you think the current resurgence of film is coming from?
​I think the ​Lomo movement in the 90s probably drove this a lot. In a way it was Instagram before Instagram. I don't think it's practical, it's kind of like a walled garden, they're doing it because it is what it is. You've heard me wax on about how beautiful film is but I think a lot of people shoot film because it's a thing they can do and it looks great, so why not do it?

I had a job yesterday where I had to shoot 400 shots. That would have been $1,200 on film so it instantly becomes impractical in a commercial sense. I think it's mostly romantic. But I like the idea that It's a physical reaction, when light hits the silver halides on film, they physically change. It's more than just a facsimile of a moment.

There are movements and slogans for everything—buy film not megapixels etc., but the reality is most people are scanning it in and putting it on the internet.

Film can do things digital cannot do. The gradation of tone is never the same on Tri-X, it can't be re-produced on Silver Efex or VSCO. There's a clinical nature we've been accustomed to. We can pine over the lost error of film, but even the great Magnum photographers are shooting digital now. I don't want to say it's better, but it's a better workflow. At the end of the day, when it comes to just making images, I'm fine with digital.

I 100 percent agree with black-and-white, but I hate to say it, VSCO is getting close with Portra.
​It's really close. I don't want to say it looks like film, because then why not go and just shoot film? But I used VSCO Portra 400 in that job yesterday and it looks the way I want it to look, which happens to be the way Portra looks.

It's easy to hate on VSCO, but I'm glad that Adobe doesn't have a monopoly on what color should be any more.
​Exactly, and they've done it the right way. Every preset is tuned to every sensor, so it's not just this thick blanket of goo that they pour over all your shots.

The other argument for digital is distribution. Everything that's so amazing about film is negated when you chuck it on Instagram
​Totally, the whole idea for me is to show my work. In the old days you had to schlep around town with a giant portfolio hoping galleries would deem you worthy and show your work. The democratization that the internet has brought around means anyone can show their work. It doesn't mean it has to be good, but you have a vibrant community of people that really want to look at the content.

That being said, the photobook is coming on strong. And zines. Gotta love the zines.

Do you think that originators of street photography like ​Henri Cartier Bresson would be shooting with film Leicas if they were alive today?
​I don't think so. Henri's an interesting one, he's got that famous quote, "Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst," right? So that's your first 300 rolls. I went through 10,000 shots last summer and they were all terrible. I think he would have been delighted to save so much time today.

I just think he was interested in seeing and capturing the world. And if there was an easier to do that, he would have taken that route.

Check out ​streetshootr.com​ for more of Karl's brainwaves.

Follow Ben Thomson on ​Instagram

[body_image width='1500' height='1500' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='lost-cats-ads-photos-garry-sykes-876-body-image-1416922813.jpg' id='6547']

​These photographs were shot over a ten-year period. I started by taking pictures of lost cat notices in case I saw one of them and needed to contact the owner. I love cats and have had one go missing for weeks myself (luckily he came back), so I know how horrible the uncertainty feels. Over time, I became fascinated by the details in those flyers and what they said about the communities and cities in which they're posted. But for all the variations in tone, names, and backstories, the ritual and feeling of loss remain the same.

These photographs were mostly taken around London, in areas I've lived or worked, in Newcastle where I grew up, and on trips to New York and Venice.

See more of Garry's work ​here.

Christopher Cashak is apparently the most famous event photographer in the world if you take social media numbers as an indication of fame. He appears to have 253,728 Facebook likes, more than photography legend ​Mario Testino, and 521,000 Twitter followers, more than ​Marc Maron.

From the looks of it, Cashak had a modest local business going until earlier this year, photographing events around Scottsdale, Arizona. AZCentral.com, a pretty legit news site, wasn't averse to running his reasonably competent  ​photos of revelers at a smallish nightclub eight months ago. 

Also, it looks like he tried to amp up his image from time to time. In 2011, he—or someone—briefly decided he was the "Sultan of Scottsdale."
​

Then Cashak posted an  ​odd Facebook status on Halloween of this year: "Social media is rebooting. Older posts were deleted. You loyal followers saw stuff that the newbies will never get to see. Don't forget it." Before that day, he typically got one or two reactions to his Facebook posts—but that post got 407 likes, almost none of which came from anywhere near Scottsdale, or indeed, in the United States. He posted the same message on Twitter, and received over 600 favorites and retweets, and one reply:

@CASHAK I think you made a typo. It's spelled "I bought followers on social media because I thought it would make me famous."

— shrubset (@subsetgetsit) November 5, 2014

It's not unusual for internet marketing companies to buy their clients a few Twitter and Facebook followers here and there. A batch of 500 Facebook followers is typical, and SEO advice sites  ​acknowledge that it happens, but recommend not doing it. An easy and relatively anonymous way to do it is to set up a burner account and ​buy them on eBay, but there are many other ways. 

[body_image width='608' height='538' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='this-event-photographers-rise-to-internet-fame-was-suspiciously-sudden-921-body-image-1416883383.jpg' id='6405']

Part of the Imgur post

But buying hundreds of thousands, and ostensibly making yourself into the most popular photographer in the world overnight would make waves. The internet was quick to judge, creating an  ​Imgur post detailing the implausibility of his new fame, and pointing out that his tweet at Jimmy Kimmel about how Cashakshould is the "Sexiest Man Alive" winner, received more retweets than any celebrity named in People magazine's contest, including the winner, Chris Hemsworth. 

@jimmykimmel @peoplemag The Sexiest Man Alive(or dead) is this guy @CASHAK pic.twitter.com/MNQlQodl6v

— Cashak (@CASHAK) November 18, 2014

I reached out to Cashak to find out what the deal is. He started by giving me a rundown of Twitter accounts with a lot of followers and demanding that those be proven authentic. Then he expressed quite a bit of anger toward internet trolls he says are persecuting him. 

"It's easy for the trolls to try and discredit me by screaming the allegation, 'You bought followers.' Did they ask every follower on my account if they were bought? If these trolls can provide real proof that I purchased every follower on my account, please send it and I will comment." 

[body_image width='973' height='1500' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='this-event-photographers-rise-to-internet-fame-was-suspiciously-sudden-921-body-image-1416882951.jpg' id='6402']

He also claimed that "in recent days, the trolls have started following my social media accounts with fake users in another attempt to discredit me. My team and I are actively removing these bogus followers and reporting them for abuse and spam." Strangely though, his ​shiny new website's primary slogan for him is that he's "The most followed event, party, nightlife, and EDM photographer in the world." So despite his social media reach being part of a conspiracy to discredit him, he's still using that as his main selling point.

What his persecutors are after is unclear, but he says it's related to his bold approach to photography. "The media attention I received for daring to be different at EDM events and festivals scared them to their core. They're stuck in the old way of thinking that photographers can't be anything more than a random guy with a camera."   

He also told me that his attackers got personal. "The trolls also called me horrible names like 'creeper.' They claimed I'm the baby of 'Spock & Xerxes,' plus a million other frivolous things."

[body_image width='1500' height='1000' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='this-event-photographers-rise-to-internet-fame-was-suspiciously-sudden-921-body-image-1416883441.jpg' id='6406']​

When we were wrapping things up, I asked him, "Just to be clear, do you deny that you bought followers?" 

"I do not purchase followers from that eBay seller you cited or similar services offered by other users," he replied.

I clarified: "Did you buy Twitter or Facebook followers somewhere?"

He answered: "I do not pay people to follow or like me."

I gave up at that point. I think he could safely argue that he didn't pay people, individually at least, to follow or like him on social media. No one's saying he did that. It would involve writing a lot of checks. 

On the other hand, maybe he's a tenth-level-black-belt media troll, one step ahead of us all. Maybe he's playing a longer game than his critics even comprehend.

 But I wouldn't bet on that.

Follow Mike Pearl on Twitter

[body_image width='700' height='525' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='why-were-all-eating-pigs-that-eat-fish-that-eat-hens-that-eat-fish-that-eat-pigs-063-body-image-1416917526.jpg' id='6530']

Image ​via Flickr user rumpleteaser

This pork originally appeared in VICE UK

If Visit Northumberland don't bring out a range of postcards showing anemic, eggless eider ducks hunkering down over greasy packages of cold, gelatinous fish and chips, then fuck me, tourism is redundant.​

If the image of a ​police horse being forcibly fed a ​Greggs ham roll doesn't make it on to the back of the new £1 coin then, frankly, we have failed as a nation.

If the Royal Mail don't release a set of seasonal stamps featuring powdery-cheeked Coronation Street fans feeding lethal tidbits of turkey, boozy fruit cake, and globules of mustard-'n'-custard garnish to their wheezing, diabetic pets, then we have lost all sight of the meaning of Christmas.

Because if there's one thing that makes this great country peerless among our European counterparts, it's our noble history of feeding shaking, industrially reared animals the reconstituted carcasses of their animal cousins. We lead the world in traceless mammalian products and unidentified protein feed. 

Britain rules the waves of interlocking food chains.

I should know. As a child, my grandmother fed me slate-gray plates of faggots smothered in silt-colored gravy before I could even pronounce  ​Creutzfeldt-Jakob. I ate pink slices of corned beef at nursery like a kleptomaniac let loose in duty-free. I danced along the winds of BSE before the first furnaces had even been lit. And I, for one, am glad to see that the tradition of allowing animals to eat other animals beats on like an engorged heart. 

[body_image width='700' height='394' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='why-were-all-eating-pigs-that-eat-fish-that-eat-hens-that-eat-fish-that-eat-pigs-063-body-image-1416915618.jpg' id='6490']

An eider duck that may or may not have recently enjoyed a slap-up fish supper. Image ​via Ken Billington

Nature recordist Chris Watson recently told BBC Radio 4's Broadcasting House that visitors to the Northumberland coast have been feeding Eider ducks fish and chips. Which may seem less depressing than a land-locked seagull choking down the deep-fried bones of their flightless chicken cousins, except fish and chips basically contains no calcium. Which means those eider ducks are producing eggs that are, I imagine, little more than drops of mayonnaise in a barely feathered nest.

What's more, according to the pet company  ​Forthglade Foods Ltd.—one of those names that, like the Creaking Willow Retirement Village, already hints at the horrors that lurk beneath—5.5 million dogs owners will put their pets at risk this Christmas by feeding them a toxic stocking filler of cooked turkey bones, stuffing, raisins and chocolate. As the mistletoe ripens on the limb we will be taking a running kick at our dogs' livers. 

All of which will take people like me back to the heady days of early 90s bestial cannibalism. Of Agriculture Minister John Gummer  ​pushing a beef burger into the unsuspecting fingers of his four-year-old daughter Cordelia and telling her to think not what her country can do for her, but what she can do for her country. Forget Blur, acid house, wonderbras, The Prodigy and omelette-eyed ravers gnawing on plastic dummies—this is the 90s revival we've all been waiting for. This is taking it proper old skool.

I was five years old when the Government finally banned beef offal from baby foods. I had just started primary school when the  ​EC banned the use of cow brains and spinal cords for human consumption. I had already started babysitting when we finally stopped using mechanically recovered meat for in our meals.

As the mistletoe ripens on the limb we will be taking a running kick at our dogs' livers.

But if you think the days of protein-sourced animal feed went out with the dying notes of 2 Unlimited and Robson and Jerome then you are sorely mistaken. 

"Pig and poultry can be fed to fish all round the world and other parts of Europe, as of last June," George Perrott, Head of Animal Feed at the  ​Agricultural Industries Confederation tells me over the phone. "Although it's not fed in the UK because of contractual agreements." Although, as someone who regularly dipped her finger into the salty, multicolored flakes of fish food intended for my friend Catherine's pets, I can tell you with some authority that those reconstituted pork and poultry carcasses are delicious.

In a perfect bit of carnivorous symmetry, pigs and poultry can also be fed on fishmeal. "The restrictions on feed came in after BSE. Fishmeal got caught up in it because you couldn't differentiate it from the other animal protein sources," says George. "There's nothing wrong with fishmeal—it was just difficult to demonstrate that it wasn't one of the meat or bonemeals you were looking for." 

Of course,  ​neither fish, pig, nor chicken can be fed to UK cattle or sheep. I mean come on, that would be revolting. "It comes from an ethical perspective because cattle are deemed herbivores," says George. "There would be political resistance, post-BSE, when it was frowned upon to feed carcasses to herbivores. Mind you, how they ethically account for pig and poultry I'm not entirely certain." 

The simple world of ground-up spines and tasty cow brains is, it seems, a messier, fishier place these days.

But then again, who are we to draw a line in the offal? To impose our moral relativism onto the foaming brains of our bovine companions? Who among us can honestly say they haven't secretly enjoyed the odd, salty morsel of a dog chocolate? Or pushed a clandestine handful of hamster yoghurt drops into our cheeks when we hope nobody's looking? Sometimes the line between human food and animal feed is fish flake-thin and just as muddled.

After all, it's like my old grandad always said: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Although, if you're a Glaswegian ex-con, you might be able to make it eat a ham roll.

Follow Neil Frizzell on ​Twitter.

This post originally appeared in VICE UK

​Whenever my best mate and I have stood in line at ​Tayyab's in East London, our nostrils tingling with burnt mustard seeds, we've ogled the wall of fame—from Daniel Craig to Talvin Singh—and wondered, how in the name of all things sacred do we get on here? I mean, a novelist and an artist, we may not be in the same league as James Bond or ​the guy who won the Mercury Music Prize in the 90s when being Asian was last cool—we knew whatever we did had to be a cut above.

So it was lucky that I had ​a book called Meatspace coming out.

​Meatspace is what people who live their lives online call real life. Meatspace. There's something so strange, odious and fleshy about the word. It shows that we're just a collection of wobbly brains living in meat pods. Nick (Hearne—he's an ​artist) and I thought it would be funny to take the word literally. And send some meat into space.

We were sat waiting for roast dinners at Hackney City Farm, enjoying the faint, malt-y mist of pig shit and chicken feed seeping through the windows when we had the idea. What could be more ridiculous than sending some actual meat into actual space? And how easy would it be?

Pretty easy, it turns out—all we needed was a weather balloon, some helium and permission from the Civil Aviation Authority and we were good to go. We bought a GoPro camera, made a makeshift pod out of its packaging and forked the sizzling lambchop.

[body_image width='700' height='387' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='i-sent-a-lambchop-into-space-to-promote-my-book-237-body-image-1416926828.png' id='6571']

The chop, still in our boring old atmosphere

We took the lamb chop 88.8 miles from Tayyab's in East London and out to the Cotswolds, filled the air balloon with helium and let go. The original idea—sending some meat into space—was just the tip of the iceberg, though. What followed was a lesson in endurance.

The plan was: the chop would rise at 325 metres a minute, for 95 minutes, before the balloon was predicted to burst 50 miles away over Hungerford, West Berkshire. The payload would then parachute back to earth with a predicted landing near Andover, Hampshire, 68 miles from the launch site. We would ping the GPS, go and collect and film a little retrieval skit with a "stunt" chop we had in a coolbox.

[body_image width='700' height='392' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='i-sent-a-lambchop-into-space-to-promote-my-book-237-body-image-1416926887.png' id='6572']

The chop, above the clouds. The things he's seen!

We drank coffees in a supermarket car park and waited for the GPS to start pinging when the chop reentered the atmosphere. But it never pinged. We waited and we waited. We had a little sausage sandwich barbecue in a park (in a designated barbecue area), ran into Lucy and Russell, whose farm was going to be the original launch site until predicted journey simulations put the pod in the sea. And nothing.

We returned home broken.

The lamb chop was lost.

We launched a local campaign to try and see if anyone had found it. Amazingly, someone did. Nick got a call from a farmer who had found the pod in his threshing machine. The farmer said he was near Yeovil, which was further south than predicted, and sounded like a straight up dude.

Except, he never returned the pod. He wasn't a straight up dude. 

The farmer made arrangements to meet at locations in Dorchester, a service station in Bridgend, and Weston-super-mare, but failed to show every time. He dodged between different phone numbers and locations, every time giving excuses why he couldn't return the camera. By this time the launch team began to believe that this was life imitating art. The main theme of Meatspace is the lies that we tell ourselves and others in the modern social media-obsessed universe. Was this a case of elaborate catfishing? Or purely somebody attention seeking? I mean, we weren't dealing with a case of rare diamonds here. It was a bedraggled lamb chop. 

The weird part was, in the book, a stray fact from a character opens up a Google search hole of all their social links, and private information. And with this farmer, an accidental text he sent to me—meant for his girlfriend—lead me to his rugby team, Facebook, Linked:In and more. It was bizarre. It was life imitating art.

[body_image width='700' height='392' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='i-sent-a-lambchop-into-space-to-promote-my-book-237-body-image-1416927163.png' id='6578']

A lamb chop. In space. Blocking the moon. 

After five months of book promo and having babies, Nick and I called the rozzers. And, amazingly, the camera reappeared. A few weeks ago. We were mentally exhausted by this point. So much so that the irony of the handover, in a KFC, escaped us till afterwards. When we saw the footage, it was unbelievable. Utterly unbelievable. We'd sent a Tayyab's lamb chop into space.

And the thing we gained, apart from the footage, apart from the promotion for my novel, was an absolutely ridiculous adventure that genuinely bonded Nick and I for life. Sounds cheesy, but besides the bizarre achievement of sending a bit of meat hurtling towards the moon, chasing the tail of a farmer who refuses to give the camera that filmed it back to you does great things to a friendship. 

Oh, and we made it on to Tayyab's wall of fame.

Follow Nikesh Shukla on ​Twitter

​Marijuana legalization advocates who have been working for years to make pot legal in Washington, DC, aren't quite sure what to do with themselves these days.

"I feel like the dog who finally caught the car," Sanho Tree, a fellow at the Institute for Policy Studies, said at panel discussion last week. "What do I do with it now, you know?"

For the moment, Tree and fellow organizers have all the momentum on their side. Nearly 70 percent of voters in the District cast ballots this month to legalize recreational marijuana. The city's incoming mayor, Muriel Bowser, is for it. A majority of the DC Council appears to support it as well, and is now looking at a bill to tax and regulate sales of pot, which wasn't included in the initiative.

A mark-up on that bill is expected on Tuesday, but due to the short amount of time left in the current council sessions, the full bill will likely not be introduced until January, said Christina Henderson, deputy chief of staff for DC Councilman David Grosso.

Henderson said the legislation has been revised to align with the Cole ​memo, a 2013 Justice Department memo that set guidelines for US attorneys on enforcing federal drug laws in states that have legalized medical or recreational marijuana. In the meantime, the DC Council has been picking the brains of public officials in Colorado and Washington, where voters legalized recreational marijuana in 2012.

But when people ask Henderson what's the biggest problem going forward with legalization, she likes to joke, "Well, we have 535 problems," referencing the number of members of Congress.

As part of the city's bizarre relationship with the federal government, Congress has 60 days to review any law passed by the Council. The review will give anti-pot Congressmen like Maryland Republican Representative Andy Harris a chance to try to block the news laws from being enacted. Harris has s​aid that he will "consider using all resources available to a member of Congress to stop this action, so that drug use among teens does not increase"—which is to say that he'll use any means he can to try and stop legalization from going forward in the nation's capital.

One path for opponents in Congress to nullify legalization would be to pass a "resolution of disapproval" during the 60-day review. But the resolution would have to pass both chambers of Congress and get a signature from President Obama, and the future Republican congressional leadership is already lining up a busy schedule of bills it wants to advance. Meanwhile, the White House has previously​ threatened to veto any legislation that meddled with DC's autonomy.

The other option would be attaching a rider to an appropriations bill, which Harris attempted to do earlier this year. Republicans used similar tactics to block medical marijuana dispensaries in DC for 11 years after voters passed a 1998 measure legalizing medical pot. But thanks to the incredibly slow-turning wheels of the federal bureaucracy, those appropriations bills aren't likely to reach the floor of Congress until late next year, by which time the Council will probably have already passed its tax-and-regulate bill. If congressional opponents succeeded in cutting funding at that point, it would just turn DC into a legal but totally unregulated weed market.

And so far, there's been no indication that GOP leadership in Congress wants to pick a fight. The optics would be terrible: Republicans would be meddling with a local measure that passed by an overwhelming margin largely on a racial justice platform in a city that, up until recently, was majority black. Plus, any attempt to block DC weed legalization could split the libertarian and conservative wings of the Republican caucus at a time when the GOP is trying to project unity and efficiency.

"I'm not for having the federal government get involved," Kentucky GOP Sen. Rand Paul t​old Roll Call earlier this month. "I really haven't taken a stand on ... the actual legalization. I haven't really taken a stand on that, but I'm against the federal government telling them they can't."

A 2013 ACLU rep​ortfound that, between 2001 and 2010, 91 percent of those arrested for marijuana possession in the District of Columbia were black. Seema Sadanandan, the ACLU's programs director for the DC area, said the report found barely any marijuana arrests west of 16^th Street, one of the traditional dividing lines between rich and poor—and white and black—neighborhoods in DC, despite the fact that several universities are located west of the line. "Marijuana is already constructively legal west of 16th Street," Sadanandan said.

Democrat Eleanor Holmes Norton, DC's non-voting representative in Congress said in a press release that "Initiative 71 is not just about the legalization of marijuana; it addresses an intolerable racial disparity in our city that has crippled the life chances of countless African Americans and Hispanics."

Norton has promised to give any members who try to interfere "the fight of their lives."

"DC residents can rest assured that when a mandate comes directly from the people, they haven't seen a fight like the fight I'm preparing to make against Rep. Andy Harris and any other Member of Congress who attempts to undo our democratic process," she said.

Angry DC residents have been flooding Harris's office with calls complaining about his opposition to legal marijuana. When a staffer explains that they don't live in Harris's District, the callers respond, "Then why are you messing with our weed laws?" with occasionally an expletive or two thrown in for good measure.

For its part, the Justice Department said it is sticking to the guide​lines it issued last year for enforcing federal law in Colorado and Washington. Those guidelines ordered US Attorneys to prioritize, among other things, stopping large-scale drug trafficking operations and distribution of marijuana to minors, rather than marijuana sales that are legal under state laws.

"As our Augist 29, 2013 guidance memorandum laid out, the department's enforcement resources will continue to be aimed at the most significant threats to our communities," a Justice Department spokesperson said in a statement to VICE. "This approach relies on jurisdictions instituting strict regulatory regimes to adequately protect public safety."

The US Attorney's Office for the District of Columbia had no comment and directed inquiries to the Justice Department.

Even if the tax-and-regulate system proposed by the DC Council isn't torpedoed by Congress, there will still be challenges in enforcing the city's new legal weed laws. DC's chief financial officer estim​ated the legal market could bring in $130 million a year in revenue for the city, and where that money goes will be closely watched by activists.

But despite Republicans' past success at blocking legalization, pro-pot panelists at last week's event were bullish on their prospects. "Surviving Congress is what's next, and I think we win," said Bill Piper, director of national affairs for the Drug Policy Alliance.

"What is great about DC is it's the first to decriminalize through a primarily racial justice lens, the first to legalize through a racial justice lens, and I think it will be the first to tax and regulate through that lens," he added.

Follow CJ Ciaramella on Tw​itter.

This post will be updated periodically throughout the day as more information about the grand-jury verdict and any subsequent protests or responses comes in. 

10:00 AM How badly did the authorities screw up last night?

As everyone knows by now, last night Ferguson descended into other chaos. ​VICE News reports:

Following an initial period of calm, multiple gunshots rang out. A crowd of demonstrators rushed toward the area where the shots were fired, and police moved to block the street and push people back onto the sidewalks.

[...]

A second police vehicle later erupted in flames, with the ammunition inside popping as it burned. Multiple buildings in Ferguson—including a Little Caesars restaurant, a storage center, and a meat market—caught fire and burned. An AutoZone auto parts store was reduced to an enormous fireball spewing black smoke into the night. 

But wasn't there supposed to be a big National Guard presence there? Didn't Governor Jay Nixon declare a state of emergency to stop exactly that kind of mayhem? Somehow, the cops seemed unprepared last night. The Daily Caller, which is hardly a liberal rag, wrote about "total police failure" this morning:

By 10:30 p.m., the strip of W. Ferguson Avenue from Chambers Road to Woodstock Avenue that had been the epicenter of the Aug. 9 protests had become a crazy, no-go zone for any peaceful protesters and — it certainly seemed — for police.

Police armed with rifles had set up a checkpoint at the south end of the anarchy-like conditions on W. Florissant. About two dozen police cars sat a few blocks north of the checkpoint in the small parking lot of Pawn Center.

For several blocks north beyond the pawn shop, though, there appeared to be no police presence whatsoever.

"There are hundreds of us and thousands of them," an officer brandishing a rifle explained to The Daily Caller.

Gee, who could have predicted there would be thousands of protesters?

12:55 AM: Three NYC bridges close amid protests

The Triboro, Brooklyn, and Manhattan bridges are all out of commission:

[tweet text="Officer says "it's not safe to go any further. Too many cars. You have the whole bridge." crowd chanting "murderers!" pic.twitter.com/pWaYvf4mKc" byline="— Christopher Robbins (@ChristRobbins)" user_id="ChristRobbins" tweet_id="537119401930424320" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="The Brooklyn Bridge is being now shutdown by protesters. 3rd #NYC bridge shutdown. #Ferguson" byline="— New York City Alerts (@NYCityAlerts)" user_id="NYCityAlerts" tweet_id="537118972010045441" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

12:25 AM: Documents from grand jury proceedings begin to pour out

Go ahead and dig in:

[tweet text="From Darren Wilson's testimony: "I had to kill him. He grabbed my gun, I shot him, I killed him." #Ferguson" byline="— Julie Bosman (@juliebosman)" user_id="juliebosman" tweet_id="537114898220609536" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="What the hell. pic.twitter.com/esHHEFFTMQ" byline="— Matt Porter (@mattyports)" user_id="mattyports" tweet_id="537115805456945152" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="Darren Wilson on why he didn't carry a taser. pic.twitter.com/PgbagTmm0p" byline="— Patrick McGuire (@patrickmcguire)" user_id="patrickmcguire" tweet_id="537109882982653952" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="Then Wilson compares his strength to a five-year old boy, compared to Brown's Hulk Hogan-esque power. pic.twitter.com/tevrdH356Y" byline="— Patrick McGuire (@patrickmcguire)" user_id="patrickmcguire" tweet_id="537111612885573632" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

12:00 AM: A no-fly zone has been established over Ferguson

It's not exactly a surprise, but FWIW: Don't try flying a plane near Ferguson any time soon, as the ​FAA wouldn't like it.

11:58 PM: Ferguson auto parts store set to go up in flames

[tweet text="Auto parts store is about to go up. Items inside exploding. pic.twitter.com/L83osYUCaJ" byline="— jg (@JustinGlawe)" user_id="JustinGlawe" tweet_id="537107992022233089" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

11:39 PM: More reports of gunfire in Ferguson

[tweet text="Gunshots and fire on W. Florissant...

"@phampel: Rapid fire pistol shots ringing out near this fire https://t.co/XG6sEvyexT"" byline="— Antonio French (@AntonioFrench)" user_id="AntonioFrench" tweet_id="537103291831033856" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

11:30 PM: Protests continue around the country

Washington, DC: 

[tweet text="Washington DC RT"@ManilaChan: Over 100 protesters in front of #WhiteHouse in protest of #Ferguson decision pic.twitter.com/Aod3V1Z9Zn"" byline="— Kenny Holmes (@KHOLMESlive)" user_id="KHOLMESlive" tweet_id="537094523453583360" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

New York: 

[tweet text="RT @losh_me: Small group of protestors chanting "we won't take it no more" in Times Square pic.twitter.com/XcqR09FmC4" byline="— Eric Deggans at NPR (@Deggans)" user_id="Deggans" tweet_id="537098664179937280" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

Chicago: 

[tweet text="Crowd bottled up at State of Illinois building, chanting, "Let us through!" #Chi2Ferguson pic.twitter.com/WwXu3PxvOJ" byline="— Feminist Bully (@bullhorngirl)" user_id="bullhorngirl" tweet_id="537098537071570948" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

St. Louis: 

[tweet text="@syndicalisms: Protesters just shut down I-44 at Grand in St. Louis - @jessleitch #Ferguson #NoIndictment pic.twitter.com/UnzvuMTICB"" byline="— Bridjes O'Neil (@BridjesONeil)" user_id="BridjesONeil" tweet_id="537098511553413122" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

Oakland: 

[tweet text="Marching east on the west side of US580 Cal Highway Patrol driving east in median pic.twitter.com/t1lS6L4UGs" byline="— Julia Carrie Wong (@juliacarriew)" user_id="juliacarriew" tweet_id="537100002389024768" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

11:00 PM: NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton got splattered with fake blood

While presumably surveying his cops' response to a #Ferguson solidarity march in Manhattan, the commish got punked:

[tweet text="Holy shit someone in NYC threw fake blood on police commissioner Bill Bratton just now pic.twitter.com/CiAphHkNfj photo v @jeffrae" byline="— J. Edgar Hitler (@onekade)" user_id="onekade" tweet_id="537094271502151680" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

10:57 PM: Attorney General says feds are still investigating

Outgoing Attorney General Eric Holder put out a statement as protests were intensifying late Monday, with reads in part:

Though we have shared information with local prosecutors during the course of our investigation, the federal inquiry has been independent of the local one from the start, and remains so now. 

The problem, of course, is that Holder won't be around to see this one through, and the bar is awfully high for federal civil rights cases.

10:52 PM: Brown family calls for body cameras on cops

A lot of attention is being paid to burning police cars and broken windows at the moment, but it's also important to ask what activists in the short- and medium-term want to see accomplished. The answer from Michael Brown's family is pretty clear: 

[tweet text="Brown family statement #FergusonDecision pic.twitter.com/w9YqVRCVE7" byline="— Mike Hayes (@michaelhayes)" user_id="michaelhayes" tweet_id="537070409720795137" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

This has been something police reform advocates have been ​saying for some time—if Wilson's interaction with Brown had been recorded, there would be none of this questioning of basic facts, no arguments over what Brown's hands were doing when he was shot, and, very possibly, none of the unrest we're seeing.

10:33 PM: Cops say it's not smoke, it's tear gas

[tweet text="Police are not deploying tear gas. They are using #smoke to break up unruly crowds. #Ferguson" byline="— St. Louis County PD (@stlcountypd)" user_id="stlcountypd" tweet_id="537083555890077696" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

Either way, things look pretty scary out on the streets of Ferguson right now.  

[tweet text="The scene in Ferguson just moments ago — Smoke is seen being used by law enforcement to disperse crowd https://t.co/UyaFKsinGk" byline="— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews)" user_id="BuzzFeedNews" tweet_id="537086408100679681" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

10:20 PM: President Obama just finished speaking live from the White House

Highlights included the president asking protestors to avoid violence, as per the Brown family's wishes, and the incredible split-screen dissonance of asking for calm as tear gas is being deployed:

[tweet text="Wow. pic.twitter.com/WQRkYkZktY" byline="— Hayes Brown (@HayesBrown)" user_id="HayesBrown" tweet_id="537082730434277376" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

10:03 PM: More reports of gunshots as protests trend toward violence

[tweet text="Smashed up cop car pic.twitter.com/1lQxMti4fq" byline="— Danny Gold (@DGisSERIOUS)" user_id="DGisSERIOUS" tweet_id="537080059652083712" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="What sounded like another gunshot just now. Close. "Everybody down!"" byline="— jg (@JustinGlawe)" user_id="JustinGlawe" tweet_id="537079032408322048" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="Store windows being smashed out" byline="— Danny Gold (@DGisSERIOUS)" user_id="DGisSERIOUS" tweet_id="537079114042052608" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

10:00 PM: President Obama is expected to make remarks on the non-indictment any minute now

[tweet text="At 10pm ET, watch President Obama deliver a statement from the White House Briefing Room → http://t.co/bUnsrV4OqA" byline="— The White House (@WhiteHouse)" user_id="WhiteHouse" tweet_id="537076541578956800" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

9:55 PM: Gunshots reported in Ferguson

[tweet text="Contractor out here told me what we just heard were shots, but far away" byline="— Danny Gold (@DGisSERIOUS)" user_id="DGisSERIOUS" tweet_id="537077240211595264" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="Four gunshots just now." byline="— jg (@JustinGlawe)" user_id="JustinGlawe" tweet_id="537076622466105345" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

9:45 PM: Protests continue in New York and Seattle

[tweet text="Seattle protesters are staging a "die-in" on the wet ground. #Ferguson pic.twitter.com/QHtZM5KwQ9" byline="— Paige Cornwell (@pgcornwell)" user_id="pgcornwell" tweet_id="537065839195725824" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="This is pretty remarkable. Protestors took Sixth Ave. "Whose streets? Our streets." pic.twitter.com/oXPO9d0ymR" byline="— Danielle Tcholakian (@danielleiat)" user_id="danielleiat" tweet_id="537074876939796480" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

9:25 PM: No indictment for Darren Wilson, as expected

After ranting about the evils of social media—and decrying speculation ahead of the grand jury decision—St. Louis County prosecuting attorney  Robert McCulloch finally announced that the cop who shot unarmed teen Michael Brown this summer will not be indicted:

[tweet text="Police Officer Darren Wilson will not be indicted for killing Michael Brown in Ferguson, prosecutor Bob McCulloch announces" byline="— Jon Swaine (@jonswaine)" user_id="jonswaine" tweet_id="537069418996838400" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

[tweet text="Grand jury deliberated for more than two days, Prosecutor McCulloch said. They returned no indictment. #Ferguson" byline="— Julie Bosman (@juliebosman)" user_id="juliebosman" tweet_id="537069535413563393" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

Suffice it to say there will be protests aplenty tonight and tomorrow as people around the country grapple with the non-indictment.

9:05 PM: The grand jury decision will apparently be made public within an hour

[tweet text="Prosecutor's office says grand jury testimony will be available to reporters online at 9 p.m. CT" byline="— Craig Melvin (@craigmelvin)" user_id="craigmelvin" tweet_id="537064506749243392" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

You might say this is a sign that there will not be an indictment:

[tweet text="Always smart @PeteWilliamsNBC says fact that prosecutor intends to release documents in an hour suggests no indictment." byline="— Bob Cohn (@1bobcohn)" user_id="1bobcohn" tweet_id="537065326715084800" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

9:00 PM: USA TODAY is reporting that the grand jury declined to indict Officer Darren Wilson, citing a lawyer close to the Brown family

[tweet text=" #BREAKING Ferguson cop who shot Michael Brown won't be charged; according to Michael Brown's family http://t.co/KU3yoKgCvg" byline="— USA TODAY (@USATODAY)" user_id="USATODAY" tweet_id="537062488077250560" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

8:50 PM: Ten minutes away from announcement by prosecuting attorney, which won't be quick

[tweet text="I'm at Robert McCulloch's news conference, beginning in about 10 minutes. We're told he will read a 20-minute statement, then take q's." byline="— Julie Bosman (@juliebosman)" user_id="juliebosman" tweet_id="537060407035166722" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

8:35 PM: Tension is building as the minutes tick away before the verdict's announcement

National Guard vehicles are making their presence known:

[tweet text="Large national guard vehicle guarding court building in Downtown STL right now pic.twitter.com/MggxI1gyDr" byline="— Wesley Lowery (@WesleyLowery)" user_id="WesleyLowery" tweet_id="537056593267798016" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

But of course the courtroom itself remains relatively serene: 

[tweet text="While protests grow in #Ferguson, A quiet courtroom in Clayton waits for results from the grand jury. pic.twitter.com/RrZo7HMsby" byline="— Ben Kesling (@bkesling)" user_id="bkesling" tweet_id="537057366009999360" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

8:20 PM: Protests are picking up steam in Manhattan's Union Square

Not that there was ever a chance New York would stay out of this one: [tweet text=" #HandsUpDontShoot in Union Square awaiting the #mikebrownverdict #Ferguson #BlackLivesMatter pic.twitter.com/iEc6tiyADA" byline="— Rachel Stark (@syntactics)" user_id="syntactics" tweet_id="537053055385346048" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

8:15 PM: St. Louis County cops insist they're focused on safety of citizens

In case we had our doubts:

[tweet text="Statement from @stlcountypd: pic.twitter.com/gPTNUkdKk0" byline="— Brian Ries (@moneyries)" user_id="moneyries" tweet_id="537051873438879744" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

7:35 PM: New York Police bracing for protests

New Yorkers don't tend to shy away from activism, and a demonstration of some kind is expected if Wilson is not indicted tonight.

[tweet text="About two dozen NYPD moped officers mobilized just north of Union Sq. ahead of #Ferguson decision pic.twitter.com/JFM309nw3e" byline="— jeremy scahill (@jeremyscahill)" user_id="jeremyscahill" tweet_id="537041517303832577" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

7:15 PM: ABC's George Stephanopoulos lands first Wilson interview

People in Ferguson might not be thinking about this too much right now, but someone in the national press corps is going to talk to Officer Wilson if he is not indicted. Looks like former Bill Clinton aide George Stephanopoulos beat out the competition:

[tweet text="Members of media who were jockeying for Wilson intervu were recently told that Stephanopoulos had won first rights http://t.co/9uHhSqHnts" byline="— Dylan Byers (@DylanByers)" user_id="DylanByers" tweet_id="537033498776064000" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

7:05 PM: National Guard troops spotted in Clayton, Brown family issues statement asking for moment of silence

We knew the military was on hand, and National Guard troops are apparently in the streets of Clayton, where the decision is set to be announced in less than two hours.

[tweet text="National guard now present in Clayton where the prosecutor will announce grand jury decision #ferguson pic.twitter.com/5gtkHZI3u3" byline="— Shimon Prokupecz (@ShimonPro)" user_id="ShimonPro" tweet_id="537032079285182465" tweet_visual_time="November 24, 2014"]

As if on cue, a plea for calm and a moment of silence after the grand-jury decision's publication was issued around the same time courtesy of Michael Brown's family.

[tweet text="Statement from #MichaelBrown family pic.twitter.com/hhHb1pvQKs" byline="— Jason Sickles (@jasonsickles)" user_id="jasonsickles" tweet_id="537033791437811712" tweet_visual_time="November 25, 2014"]

7:00 PM: Governor Jay Nixon urges restraint in brief remarks

Appearing at a press conference with D epartment of Public Safety Director Dan Isolm, St. Louis County Executive Charlie Dooley, and St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay, Gov. Nixon said very​ little before taking questions from reporters.

[tweet text="I'd like to reiterate my call for peace, respect and restraint," says @GovJayNixon at the end of his brief remarks. @Ferguson" byline="— Julie Bosman (@juliebosman)" user_id="juliebosman" tweet_id="537027316442877952" tweet_visual_time="November 24, 2014"]

[tweet text="Missouri @GovJayNixon says decision to reveal grand jury's finding at 8 tonight was prosecutor Bob McCulloch's call not his. #Ferguson" byline="— Jason Sickles (@jasonsickles)" user_id="jasonsickles" tweet_id="537030834860347392" tweet_visual_time="November 24, 2014"]

6:45 PM: NYT reporting that Wilson has not been contacted by prosecutors

The New York Times' Julie Bosman, citing a person close to Officer Darren Wilson, ​reports that he has not received a phone call asking that he turn himself in, as had been the plan with prosecutors in the event of an indictment.

6:00 PM: Pentagon tells military to steer clear of Ferguson

VICE News' Jason Leopold is  ​reporting that the US Defense Department has commanded its many personnel (and their families) to avoid the St. Louis metropolitan area due to "ongoing sensitivities" there:

The advisory from the Joint Chiefs is unusual. It says the Air Force, Navy, Marines, and Army should "limit all non mission essential military activities within 25 miles of St. Louis [excluding operations in the vicinity of Scott Air Force Base] and along Missouri interstates in proximity of St. Louis until further notice."

5:45 PM: Ferguson area schools canceling Tuesday classes

​Reports are ​emerging that Tuesday classes have been cancelled in the Ferguson-Florissant School District, as well as at Riverview Gardens, another school serving the town. The closings are either a prudent step by local officials or an invitation for pretty much everyone to check out the response on the streets tonight.

5:30 PM: Ferguson grand jury has reached a decision

A grand jury in Ferguson, Missouri, ​reached a decision Monday about whether to indict Officer Darren Wilson for killing Michael Brown, an unarmed black teenager, in August. Word began to drip out early in the afternoon that the verdict will be announced at an 8 PM CST press conference, bringing an end to weeks of wild speculation about how the black community in the St. Louis area—and the country at large—will react if Wilson is cleared of wrongdoing as many expect.

The 90-second e​ncounter between Wilson, a white cop on the Ferguson police force, and Brown, an 18-year-old who was shot six times, took the nation by storm this summer, unleashing weeks of ​protests. But for all the ​media scrutiny—​some call it a circus—and attendant dialogue about race, policing, and criminal justice, Wilson has confidently been planning for his future. The officer, who's been on leave, apparently ​expressed optimism to allies in the local police union about his chances, and even got ​married—to another Ferguson cop—late last month. Wilson reporte​d​ly does not plan to return to his job even if he avoids indictment, however.

It won't exactly be a shocker if Wilson isn't charged, as (white) Americans tend to  ​love them some cops. Nine of the 12 grand jurors are white, and Missouri Governor Jay Nixon has ​come under fire for failing to provide much in the way of guidance to locals (or anyone) about who, exactly, is calling the shots on the ground. At least he made the pilgrimage to Ferguson Monday afternoon, ​visiting a local burger joint. 

The verdict had already claimed at least one life before it even came down: Residents in the greater St. Louis area have been  ​arming themselves in anticipation of unrest, and one woman ​accidentally shot herself in the head on Friday after buying a gun. Nixon preemptively declared a state of emergency last week, with the national guard (and other federal law enforcement agents) on hand in case of violence, which ​the FBI says is "likely."

The question is whether all this talk of militarized police and brutality will have some staying power in the national consciousness. After all, we've seen plenty of horrific cases of abuse by law enforcement over the past few decades, and somehow they all seem to fade from the spotlight. Will Ferguson be different? Does it matter that the shooting was followed by a series of dramatic incidents involving ​unarmed black New Yorkers being mistreated by the NYPD, America's largest police force? Ferguson also has issues of its own beyond this one death, as was driven home by new​s last week of a lawsuit alleging that a local corrections officer raped a pregnant inmate. But are we so accustomed to police violence at this point that sustaining more than a few days' worth of outrage is out of the question?

Should jurors decide not to indict Wilson, the federal government could potentially get involved. The civil rights division of the Justice Department, which just got a  new leader in ACLU lawyer Vanita Gupta, has been probing Brown's death for a while now. Gupta is best known for her focus on racial biases in the American justice system, and seems like the perfect pick to diffuse tensions in a place like Ferguson. But ​early reports have suggested the feds are loathe to touch this thing. Apparently what happens in Ferguson might stay in Ferguson, even if most of the country can't look away.

Follow Matt Taylor on ​Twitter.

In the last week, the two biggest African American tragedies of 2014—the fall of Bill Cosby and the Ferguson grand jury decision—have been punctuated by Don Lemon saying stupid-ass thing. It's been a weird week for him.

When a major news story hits, you want your best person on the ground. You send your most empathetic, most fearless, most curious, most intelligent reporter. You want to know that the man or woman you send is going to cut through the chaos of a breaking news event and find the angles the competitors aren't covering.

When that person isn't available, Anderson Cooper is too busy chilling in the "command center," and literally everyone else is white, you send Lemon. ​When you, the head of a global news organization, wonder Do we have a black guy to send to this? you call Don Lemon. 

In a time of crisis for black America, this is the guy we get. We get a host who sounds like your mom attempting to cover Occupy for a major cable news network: If you look out in the distance, you will see a hacky-sack. Oh, wait. Anderson. Yes, I can confirm that the bongos are out. The tofurky stench here is palpable. I'm going to go take cover!

The immediate instinct of most pundits is to pass judgment on the rioters while solemnly intoning pre-written platitudes in order to not seem totally callous to the last few months of turmoil that Ferguson has gone through.​ Contemplating and analyzing the centuries-old wounds that created this mess takes a lot of time and context—cracking wise about how the protesters are "obviously" smoking pot is easy. And that's what Don did. He immediately trended on Twitter, just as he did last week when he did this:

So, should we even be surprised that Don Lemon, CNN's most prominent African-American on-screen personality, said something stupid? Once you've asked a woman on national TV why she didn't bite Bill Cosby's dick after he allegedly drugged her, the sky is the limit. Don Lemon is not just a mom, he's the most judgmental mom in the entire world. Stop smoking weed, quit letting yourself get raped, stand up straight, fix your tie, you look fat.

​The only difference is that your mom isn't on the news when she judges you. Don Lemon is, and he's apparently the best the black media has to offer. While MSNBC drags the corpse of Al Sharpton on camera, and Fox News hands a mic to any black person who is willing to toe the GOP party line, CNN gives us Mommy Dearest in journalist form. There were many tragedies last night, and this was probably one of the less important ones, but still—you guys couldn't have found anyone better?

Follow Dave Schilling on ​Twitter.​

[body_image width='810' height='613' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='a-second-man-has-pleaded-guilty-in-the-case-of-name-redacted-in-nova-scotia-909-body-image-1416935172.jpg' id='6704']​
​Photo of the Halifax Provincial Court House where the second Nova Scotia man was tried. Photo ​via WikiMedia Commons.

​A Nova Scotia man, who flashed a thumbs-up in a photo as he penetrated a vomiting 15-year-old girl, pleaded guilty yesterday to a single charge of distributing the photo.

He's not facing sexual assault charges, despite admitting in court yesterday in an agreed upon statement of facts that the photo shows him "having sex" with the girl. She later told police she was raped.

He texted the explicit photo to two people, and it spread quickly. The girl's friends and peers harassed and slut-shamed her because of it. Struggling with depression, she attempted suicide. Her parents took her off life support three days later. She was 17.

We all know the case, and the victim's name, but a publication ban prevents VICE Canada from releasing her name and the names of the other people involved under Canada's criminal code. Most other Canadian media are doing the same, although Halifax's Chronicle Herald went ahead and published her name yesterday.

The girl's father and mother attended yesterday's hearing wearing shirts with her name on them. Following the hearing, her father told media:

"When you hear the details of the photo described, they can go on about [my daughter] didn't give consent for this photo being taken, yet for some reason she was able to give consent for sex? And that to me is just—no, you can't, she was vomiting out a window, those are details of the case, those are facts of the case, that had been in the courtroom today, and someone in that state of mind, you can just read any brief reading of the Criminal Code of Canada, they're incapacitated, they are not able to be in a position to give consent. [My daughter] was not in a position to give consent."

She had been drinking heavily, and was vomiting in the photo while the man penetrated her, so why weren't sexual assault charges laid? We're still waiting for a full review of the case, but the b​est answer w​e have right now is that the prosecutor decided there wasn't enough evidence for a conviction, and police neglected to lay charges. We'll see if they did their due diligence when that review comes out.

"Originally they told us it was child pornography, and they were going to lay charges for sexual assault and child pornography," her mother said.

"It took away her very essence of who she was," her mother said of the photo. "She was never the same after that. Once that photo appeared, she was never the same again."

It's hard to imagine the guy in the photo will face jail time for texting it to two people. Another man who pleaded guilty to taking the explicit photo that ruined the girl's life walked f​ree on Nov. 14. Since he was underage at the time, the judge said he was less blameworthy than an adult, and because he pleaded guilty, the judge said he had taken responsibility for his actions. He walked away with a conditional discharge and an order to apologize to her parents, provide a DNA sample and take a sexual harassment course.

The man in the photo was also underage at the time. Yesterday he changed his plea from not guilty to guilty—likely hoping for similar results. He'll be sentenced on January 15.

Noticeably absent yesterday were mask-wearing sign-waving members of Anonymous, who showed up at the sentencing of the other young man, demanding justice for the girl in the photo.

"I'm convinced 100 percent there's a system here that needs to be looked at and needs to be fixed," her father said. "And all we can do now is move ahead, and hopefully move ahead and have something positive come out of our daughter's death. It's not going to help her obviously, but there are a lot of other people out there coming out with similar stories to [our daughter] and it's just wrong that this is allowed to happen. We've got a problem and we need to fix it, and if this case can be somewhat of a turning point, then so be it. I hope it can be."
​
​​@hilarybeaumont

[body_image width='640' height='480' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='meet-the-guys-who-want-to-launch-a-catalogue-of-canadian-police-abuses-body-image-1416936412.jpg' id='6712']

Police in riot gear.​ Photo ​via Kickstarter.

Bad cops might pop up in the media now and again, but two men are looking to create a website that would document every instance of police misconduct in Canada, which they believe has become endemic.

Darryl Davies, a professor of criminology at Carleton University, and Ottawa Life magazine publisher Dan Donovan, have launched a ​Kickstarter campaign, hoping to raise $75,000 to create and fund www.PoliceMisconductCanada.com.

The fundraiser, which began a few weeks ago and runs until January 3, comes in the aftermath of a Quebec police officer getting away with killing a five-year​-old boy in a car crash. He was travelling more than double the posted speed limit and in the midst of a hi​gh-speed surveillance operation.

Similar reporting endeavours exist elsewhere: the CATO Institute, a libertarian think tank in the United States, operates the National Police​ Misc​onduct Reporting Project, which curates nasty cop news from around the U.S. and shares it online.

Davies and Donovan's fundraiser—the product of more than a year of planning—appears to be the first project in Canada aimed solely at keeping the public abreast of complaints against police countrywide. The website would be maintained by law and sociology students, and cover all manner of misconduct, from police brutality to Charter rights violations that are raised in court. Importantly, it will track cases as they go through the courts or police disciplinary system, and keep track of punishments and consequences.

"It speaks to the whole issue of public confidence in policing in Canada," Davies explained. "Police make mistakes like in any other occupation. However, when they make mistakes, the consequences can be pretty significant for people involved—like, they can be dead."

Over the past few years, there have been a number of extremely high-profile allegations of police misconduct in Canada. The unprecedented mass arrests at the 2010 G20 in Toronto, for example, or the shooting death of Sammy Yatim, also in Toronto. But there are several others: the death of Polish immigrant Robert Dziekanski more than a half-decade ago in the Vancouver airport; police crackdowns on student protests in Montreal; and in Ottawa, the alleged sexual assault of Stacy Bonds while she was in police custody.

While these might normally just be headlines to many readers, Davies believes Canadian cops have reached something of a peak of bad behaviour that's fostered by rotten police culture. It's not just a few cities, either. These sorts of events, he said, are happening across the country.

A few provinces do have police oversight systems—Ontario has the Office of the Independent Police Review Director, which manages complaints about police, and the Special Investigations Unit, which can charge cops with crimes. Alberta has the similarly focused Alberta Serious Incident Response Team.

But the existence of these units doesn't mean they're up to snuff. Critics charge that convictions are rare, and that punishments meted out to officers aren't nearly harsh enough.

"They are whitewashing investigations, they are not being held accountable, and the public, in many cases individual victims, are paying the price for it," Donovan said.

Unsurprisingly, police don't see it this way.

Matt Skof, the president of the Ottawa Police Association (who has feuded pub​licly with Davies in the past) said the project is "disingenuous."

"We have, already, many layers of oversight in place," said Skof. "They're well within their rights to create another website. It just seems pretty superfluous."

The goal of the website is to raise public awareness of the problems within policing so Canadians will force politicians to change the oversight system. Donovan, reached by phone in Toronto, said the website is adamantly not anti-cop—in fact, it's meant to improve policing through improved oversight.

"It will ensure that bad eggs in the police, the ones that are taking advantage of the system, are held to account," Donovan said, noting that he comes from a policing family. His dad was a cop for more than three decades.

The narrative of bad cops infecting the police system, though, isn't one that police unions take kindly to. Skof denied there is any sort of widespread police misconduct in the country, and said the website proposal highlights specific incidents while ignoring the broader scope of policing in the country.

"That's also in itself an incredible exaggeration; there are hundreds of thousands of interactions with the public every year in each city," Skof said. "(They're) glossing over the fact that there's many, many positive interactions with the public, and yet they've chosen not to mention that."

Donovan says his magazine has been covering police misconduct for a few years, and they regularly hear from readers with their own stories about interacting with police. But good interactions with police don't necessarily negate the bad apples, he said.

"For all the cases of police malfeasance, there's 50 or 60 or 70 or more where there's not that problem, but what we're saying is that in the cases—and the growing cases where there are [allegations of police misconduct]—they need to be dealt with transparently, they need to be dealt with firmly and there needs to be consequences," Donovan said.

Within police forces across the country there is, undeniably, a certain culture that simply comes with the job, and whether or not the culture has turned is hotly debated. In Davies's view, this culture is a toxic one, and it manifests itself not just in instances of police misconduct, but also in several other problems, such as police mental health and suicide, and domestic problems for officers.

"It's not a healthy environment. If it's not a healthy environment, who in their right mind would think, therefore, they would police in a healthy manner?"

Skof disagreed.

"That's an absolutely farcical and absurd statement for him to make," Skof told VICE. "Police culture is a professional culture, it's been like that for many decades, and it's going to continue to be that, due to the fact that we have oversight that we accept and we hire professional officers to do the work the public expects of us."

Of course, the issue—if indeed there is an issue, which is plainly disputed by police—is far more complicated than bad cops and police oversight. Donovan highlighted concerns over the testosterone-charged recruitment of officers; Davies suggested police aren't getting enough training in de-escalation and order management (after all, the vast majority of complaints are about police rudeness and brusqueness, and not about being bludgeoned by a truncheon).

All of this has, in recent years, become tangled up in a major debate in North America about policing.

Ideally, Donovan said, this website will help improve accountability and help the good cops who are stuck in the system. If the funding is secured, the website will go live around March 2015.

"If people from across the country, Joe and Jane Regular, everyday citizens, say 'this is important, we're going to send 5, 10 or $20 to this thing,' it gives it serious, serious authority from the public, it gives a serious engaged representation and legitimacy that will make it worthwhile." 

​@tylerrdawson

[body_image width='575' height='540' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416936127.jpg' id='6711']​

Image via Facebook

​Last night, shortly after the grand jury's decision not to indict Ferguson, MO police officer Darren Wilson was announced, officials released  ​more than 100 pages of transcripts wherein Wilson describes his confrontation with 18-year-old Michael Brown in August. It is long, intense and detailed. It is also quite bizarre.

The documents were published around the same time the first ​photos taken of Wilson after the incident were released. The images show some light bruising and discoloration. Considered in tandem with the transcripts, which mark the first time the public has seen an in-depth account of the incident from Wilson's point of view, the releases offer a lot of new material to think about. 

[body_image width='922' height='422' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416926964.png' id='6573']

The first particularly noteworthy exchange comes in the form of a discussion about nonlethal force. Why did Darren Wilson have to shoot at Michael Brown 12 times that day instead of opting for his Taser? Because Wilson wasn't carrying a Taser. In fact, Wilson chooses not to carry a Taser  most of the time because "it is not the most comfortable thing."

[body_image width='807' height='143' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927150.png' id='6577']

After explaining why he was unable to subdue his allegedly vicious attacker, Wilson begins to explain the relative puny-ness of himself compared with the 6'4", nearly 300-pound Michael Brown. While Brown was certainly a large man, Wilson is  reportedly also 6'4" and weighs ​210 pounds. 

[body_image width='921' height='146' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927284.png' id='6581']

When Wilson's description gave the questioner pause, he doubled down on his description: Mike Brown was like Hulk Hogan; Darren Wilson was like a child.

[body_image width='908' height='287' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927347.png' id='6584']

Wilson says he could not reach his mace, which only left one deadly option. 

[body_image width='508' height='189' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927581.png' id='6591']

In a line that has become infamous, Wilson claims that Brown incited him by calling him a pussy and almost daring him to shoot. The line is uncorroborated by other eyewitnesses. 

[body_image width='846' height='559' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927638.png' id='6593']

Going back to Mike Brown's alleged Hulk Hogan-esque strength, Wilson makes it clear here that he was afraid of being punched to death.

[body_image width='794' height='277' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927691.png' id='6596']

Here, Wilson describes Michael Brown's face after being shot for the first time. Within the portrayal of Brown as a "demon" is also an admission that he approached Wilson with his hands in the air, following the first gunshot.

[body_image width='908' height='281' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927823.png' id='6598']

The Hulk rage continues. Wilson describes Brown as someone who might be willing to run through a hail of bullets. The picture he paints of Brown here is almost superhuman. 

[body_image width='823' height='90' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927891.png' id='6601']

Returning to the crux of his story, Wilson insists all of this started because he had asked Brown and his friend Dorian Johnson to step onto the sidewalk while they were walking along the road. It was at that point that Brown, according to Wilson, snapped into Hulk Hogan mode.

[body_image width='889' height='247' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416927952.png' id='6603']

Perhaps to provide context for his actions, Wilson lets the jury know that the area of Ferguson in which he shot Mike Brown is not a place to "take things lightly."

[body_image width='872' height='229' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416928033.png' id='6604']

When discussing the aftermath of the incident, the questioner refers to the shooting of Mike Brown as a crime, then corrects herself and labels it a "situation."

[body_image width='905' height='530' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416928109.png' id='6606']

Here is Darren Wilson describing shooting his service weapon out of his car window without looking. For some reason, this admission did not receive further scrutiny.

[body_image width='892' height='474' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416928160.png' id='6607']

[body_image width='891' height='146' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416928171.png' id='6609']

[body_image width='901' height='521' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416928278.png' id='6611']

This is one of the more bizarre moments in the testimony, wherein Wilson explains that Brown was in "complete control" of Wilson's service weapon, even though the weapon was in Wilson's possession. He conflates the weapon's visibility to Brown with it being in Brown's control, and again implies that he was overpowered.

[body_image width='899' height='371' path='images/content-images/2014/11/25/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/25/' filename='picking-apart-the-testimony-of-darren-wilson-432-body-image-1416928308.png' id='6613']

Finally, we get Wilson's description of why he assessed Mike Brown as a threat worth pursuing. After explaining his fear of being punched to death by the 18-year-old, it's clear Wilson felt he needed to effectively neutralize Brown before he could punch any other cops—"or worse."

This testimony is hard to corroborate, as the eyewitnesses do not provide any sort of consistent recounting of the events. The text does, however, offer the public a chance to hear Darren Wilson's description of the encounter in his own words. 

Follow Patrick on ​Twitter.

Read the full transcript below.

Darren Wilson Testimony

​

​​@patrickmcguire

[body_image width='878' height='503' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='joel-golby-shit-powered-bus-305-body-image-1416852109.jpg' id='6296']Do you think they paid that man to pose for this photo, or he was just there? Photo via ​Wessex Water

This post originally appeared in VICE UK

​T here has not yet been a mode of public transport in the UK that runs exclusively on shit. This news will come as a surprise to anyone who has ever traveled on Virgin Trains. 

Like, what is it they are doing on Virgin Trains that makes them smell like shit? Like two men and a dog died of diarrhea on the same carpet. I've traveled many routes on Virgin Trains, and they all smell the same. 

Now, it seems, we can use the source of such smells for good.  ​Bath Bus Company has announced a new "Bio-Bus" that has begun shuttling merrily between Bath and Bristol Airport this week, fueled exclusively by human turds and piss.

[body_image width='1229' height='819' path='images/content-images/2014/11/24/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2014/11/24/' filename='joel-golby-shit-powered-bus-305-body-image-1416852461.jpg' id='6300']Look at this photo and tell me you can't imagine the smell. Photo via ​Flickr

Well, the vehicle will actually run on a special biomethane gas that is distilled from human waste at a Bristol sewage-treatment plant, and not—somewhat disappointingly—raw and uncut turds deposited directly into the fuel tank. The annual output of one shitty human can run the bus for about 37 miles, and one tank of this gas will keep the bus going for 186 miles. 

I don't want to meet the person who first put sewage in a pan and turned it into turd gas ever in my life. 

GENeco general manager Mohammed Saddiq said of his company's new bus: "Gas-powered vehicles have an important role to play in improving air quality in UK cities, but the Bio-Bus goes further than that and is actually powered by people living in the local area, including, quite possibly, those on the bus itself." Before you ask: no, the biomethane gas does not smell of shit. 

Which, again, makes the Virgin Trains thing all the more puzzling. I mean, is it just the smell of Richard Branson's beard, wafted electronically into each and every Virgin Trains toilet and the carpet surrounding it? Because, if a bus that literally runs on shit doesn't smell of shit, why do Virgin Trains smell of shit? I will never stop asking. 

The Bio-Bus is a big step away from our reliance on fossil fuels, which is good. There is a bountiful, unlimited supply of shit in this country—we will never run out—and though there's still a complex process whereby sewage is sort of broken down into gas by oxygen-starved bacteria, it's pretty simple to convert it into energy that can feasibly be pumped back into the natural grid. Get people to produce enough shit and you'll have clean energy forever. And less carbon dioxide, too—the Bio-Bus farts around 30 percent less CO2 into the atmosphere, so you can spray a load of old 80s deodorants into the air or bust open the tubing in an old fridge and still be at peace with the world.

Back to the trains for a second, though. It says ​here that Virgin Trains started to undergo £3.5 million refurbishment plans to make their trains smell way less like shit in October last year, so we can look forward to being able to travel to Manchester without having to hold our jumper over our face as an impromptu oxygen mask some time in the vague near future. Do you think Virgin Trains will charge more money for a train that doesn't smell like a very, very, very old diaper? Would have to double-check on Wikipedia the exact religious beliefs of the Pope or what environment bears prefer to put their business in, but until then I'm going with a tentative "yes."

Follow Joel Golby on ​Twitter.