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Are the London Brothel Raids Really About Saving Sex Workers?

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On Thursday the 20th of October, around midnight, police stormed six massage parlours in Soho and Chinatown in London, making arrests, padlocking doors and nailing up closure notices as part of "Operation Lanhydrock". From their shopfronts, the venues advertised themselves as purveyors of Chinese medicine—acupuncture, herbal remedies, cupping, massage—but all, apparently, offered sex alongside other services.

In its initial press release—regurgitated in the Evening Standard the following morning—the Met branded the mission a rescue effort to "find victims and take them to safety", claiming 18 arrests had been made, 12 for "immigration offences", but making no mention of trafficking victims.

On Monday, a spokesperson for the Met told me that, in fact, ten women were referred to a special reception centre as potential victims of trafficking and that 24 arrests were made. Seven of those were for "controlling prostitution for gain", meaning they were "managers or other staff". The other 17 were arrested on immigration grounds and have been detained by the UK Border Agency, which was present during the raids.

Sources told me that at least two senior police officers are dismayed after they were not briefed on the operation. It appears that Operation Lanhydrock wasn't the "joined-up, multi-agency" effort being touted in press releases.

The raids have also come in for criticism from sex worker NGOs. Alex Feis-Bryce, CEO of National Ugly Mugs – which provides alerts about dangerous clients to 15,000 sex workers across the UK – is a member of the National Police Working Group on Prostitution. He said: "The raids are clearly in breach of the National Police Guidance. This is neanderthal policing based on hysteria and headline-chasing, not on evidence or intelligence. Whoever sanctioned these raids should seriously consider their position. A racist, anti-immigration narrative is leading to the attempted ethnic cleansing of marginalised people, hiding behind the language of 'rescuing vulnerable people'."

A spokesperson for the Met dismissed this, saying that the operation was "launched specifically in response to concerns raised by sex workers themselves, both directly to the local safer neighbourhood team and via charities which specialise in work in this sector".

"Concerns raised by the specific charity included the attitude of management at the premises targeted to individual women working within them," the spokesperson said. "As well as the perceived vulnerability of the women and or girls themselves. Other sex workers in the local area had told police they were concerned that the women working out of some of the massage parlours in Soho/West End might be trafficked, as their behaviour and work patterns appeared inconsistent with their experience of voluntary sex workers who had not been coerced into the industry."

The Met declined to tell me from which charities this information came.

Whether or not exploitation was taking place isn't known at this point. When sex workers' walk-up flats were raided in Soho in 2013, women – mainly Eastern European – were likewise removed as potential trafficking victims. The following year I sat in a flat with a Romanian sex worker who described what it feels like when 200 officers in riot gear want to rescue you.

"I came to work like normal, and after I see police running up the stairs," she told me. "They had dogs. They were shouting at me, 'Don't move, don't move.' They started yelling at me, asking me if I was trafficked because I'm from Romania. It was scary. I still shake when I see the police."

In 2013, the justification for the raids was, again, trafficking. But no evidence of trafficking was found. After a series of court cases and public outcry, 18 of the 20 closed flats were reopened, though many have now disappeared.

Under the Modern Slavery Act of 2015, definitions of trafficking conflict with common sense understandings of the term. It's deemed "irrelevant whether the victim consents to the travel". No coercion is necessary, meaning any undocumented migrant worker in the UK is fair game to be "rescued" as a trafficking victim. In some cases, descriptions of economic migrancy and trafficking collide.

None of this is to say that women in the raided Chinatown and Soho parlours weren't being trafficked or exploited, but, if they were, this is no place for murky definitions and symbolic victories.

The English Collective of Prostitutes (ECP) says it fears for both the undocumented women now in detention and for those who've been "rescued".

"Once you've been put into detention and queued up for deportation, you have to fight your case – apply for asylum, show you have a right to be here," says Laura Watson of the ECP. "Even if you're a victim of trafficking, the whole thing is a nightmare. Women Against Rape are working with genuine victims of trafficking and it doesn't matter how traumatised you are, the system is against you."

Questions also hang over the roles of those arrested for "controlling prostitution for gain", all but one of whom are women. Between April and September of this year, at least 50 sex work premises have been closed down by the police, leading almost invariably to the criminalisation of the women working there. "Controlling prostitution for gain" invokes ideas of sinister crime lords, but often the charge is used against maids and other staff.

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The day after the raids is sunny and cold. In Chinatown, red lanterns sway in the wind and the sky is blue above the boarded up parlours. On one street, a woman stands in the doorway of a shop offering massages. She says she hasn't heard about the raids yet and looks worried when I tell her.

Outside one of the parlours, an elderly Chinese couple peer at the closure notice, baffled. The woman says she had a massage booked for today and can't understand why the place has closed. Like many other people, the couple are unaware the venue was selling sex.

I was unable to contact any of the women who were detained in last week's raids. However, on the other side of Shaftesbury Avenue, in Soho, sex workers from the walk-ups expressed fear that their premises are next in line, and anger that crimes they themselves report are frequently ignored.

"As soon as we saw it on the news we shut down and went home," said one woman, who asked not to be named. "We're worried it'll be us next. We've been robbed recently and the police did nothing. If anything happens to us again, we're not going to them."

Another woman, who works as an escort and is based in Soho, said she feels guilt at being on the right side of the two-tier system with which sex work is policed. "Because I'm white and documented, I could tell the police I'm selling sex from the middle of Soho and they wouldn't give a shit," she said.

Back in Chinatown, local business owners tell me they're in the dark, some pointing to a report of the raids in a Mandarin paper that echoes the Met line on trafficking, others saying they know some of the women who've been detained but have no idea what's happened to them.

"I think they just want to earn money and go home," said one man, who's run a shop in Chinatown for 20 years. "The police can't close the place unless they say it's a public nuisance, but I never saw any troubles."

A look on Companies House shows the six parlours existed under ever-changing company names, which are regularly dissolved and re-registered again under a new director. There's cross-over between directors' names and, very likely, the same people collect money from all the locations. It's dodgy business practice. Not illegal, but it makes investigation harder.

Some of the cash confiscated in Operation Lanhydrock (Photo: MPS Westminster)

The latest profiteer is, of course, the Met, which confiscated £35,000, bagged it up and, in the style of the best teenage Instagram gangsters, released trophy pictures to the press. Some of this will have been women's wages and, given the record of police confiscations from sex workers under the Proceeds of Crime Act, it's unlikely workers will see this money again.

A couple of weeks ago, with back pain, I went for a massage in one of the Soho parlours closed down under Lanhydrock. Thanks to the herbal medicines, acupuncture charts and massage chair in the window, I wasn't expecting the pink-lit room and bottle of baby oil that awaited me inside – I hadn't thought it was a brothel.

A woman in a red dress, who spoke patchy English, gave me a massage. It wasn't very good, but she was smiley and we both giggled as we tried to chat. I have no idea if she was selling sex alongside bad massages. I wonder if she's one of the women who's now in detention or with specialist services, if she'll be deported and if anyone will ask her what she wants. I hope she's safe.

The day after the raids I look through the window of her parlour, already a shabby cousin to the swanky restaurant next door, and it's now clearly a thing of the past. This is prime real estate. Extra copies of the closure order lie on the counter next to a maneki-neko – a Japanese lucky cat – whose arm is still waving back and forth.

@frankiemullin

More on VICE:

Sex Workers in the UK's 'Legal Red Light District' Tell Us What It's Like to Work There

How to Make Sex Work Safer

The Disturbing Trend of Vigilante Attacks on Sex Workers


The VICE Morning Bulletin

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Everything you need to know about the world this morning, curated by VICE.


Photo by Brooks Kraft LLC/Corbis via Getty Images

US News

Democrats Sue Republicans over Rigged Election Claims
The Democratic National Committee is suing its Republican counterpart over Donald Trump's repeated insistence the election may be "rigged." The DNC argues the GOP presidential nominee's words are designed to suppress turnout in minority communities, and also that the RNC has provided "direct and tacit support" for Trump's argument via "ballot security" measures.—CNN

US Abstains from UN Vote on Cuba Embargo
History was made Wednesday when the United States declined to oppose a UN resolution calling for an end to economic sanctions against Cuba. Uncle Sam has traditionally strongly opposed the annual resolution, but Ambassador Samantha Power says the decision reflects a new "path of engagement."—AP

Oklahoma Fugitive Announced Possible Hit List on Facebook
Cops in Oklahoma Wednesday said a man wanted for murder—who's been on the run since Sunday—may be planning to seek out and harm several people he mentioned in a Facebook Live video over the weekend. Michael Dale Vance Jr. is wanted on two counts of first-degree murder and other violent crimes, including sexual assault.—AP

Early Voting Shows Democrats Strong in North Carolina
An initial analysis of early voting data shows Democrats with the edge in North Carolina, where 48 percent of early voters have been registered Dems and just 28 percent registered Republicans. In Florida, registered Republicans actually have a slight (42 to 40 percent) edge, though it's important to keep in mind party affiliation is not determinative of which candidate people actually back.—CBS News

International News

Airstrike on Syrian School Kills 26 People
At least 26 people perished Wednesday after airstrikes from Russian or Syrian planes hit a school in rebel-controlled territory, most of them kids. Vitaly Churkin, Russia's UN Ambassador, said, "It's horrible, I hope we were not involved... I need to see what my Ministry of Defense is going to say."—Reuters

Cop Shot Dead at Anti-Maduro Protests in Venezuela
One police officer was shot dead and two others injured at anti-government protests in Miranda State in Venezuela on Wednesday. Some 120 people were injured and 39 others detained as hundreds of thousands of people protested President Nicolás Maduro's government and its economic policies. Opposition leaders are trying to organize a 12-hour strike across the country Friday.—Al Jazeera

One Hundred Children Still Inside Key French Refugee Camp, Aid Workers Sy
As many as 100 children remain in the notorious "Jungle" camp in Calais, France, despite authorities' efforts to completely empty the place, according to humanitarian workers. (The government says the number is closer to 70.) More than 5,000 people have begun the formal moving process, according to the government.—BBC News

Two Earthquakes Hit Central Italy
Major earthquakes wreaked havoc on a region of Italy that has recently seen more than its share of deadly quakes late Wednesday, inflicting what was said to be "apocalyptic" damage to the town of Ussita. Fortunately, no deaths or even severe injuries were thought to have resulted in this latest barrage.—The Guardian

Everything Else

Orlando Magic Dedicate Season Opener to Pulse Nightclub Victims
The Orlando Magic NBA basketball team honored the 49 people killed in the June massacre at the local LGBTQ nightclub Pulse during the team's season opener Wednesday. A banner with the number killed was raised and vocalist Brandon Parsons performed "Forty-Nine Times."—AP

Samsung Profits Skid 30 Percent over Recall Fiasco
Electronics giant Samsung predictably saw profits plunge last quarter after the recall of its Galaxy Note 7 smartphone. The South Korean firm's operating profits dropped 30 percent to $4.5 billion between July and September and the company may struggle to regain confidence.—CNBC News

Woman Fights Off Three Men in Clown Masks
Police in Rhode Island are searching for three suspects who attacked a woman while wearing clown masks. Cops say the woman was attacked Tuesday night after opening her door, but apparently fought off the attackers, who fled after leaving behind a mask and baseball hat.—AP

Tesla Delivers First Profit in Three Years
Elon Musk's company has announced its first profitable quarter in years, and just the second in its history. Tesla hyped a third-quarter profit of $21.9 million on $2.3 billion revenue, a 145 percent bump from this time in 2015.—VICE News

Clinton Says Death Row Records Influenced Her Look
Hillary Clinton was asked on The Breakfast Club about the meme depicting similar fashions choices between her and Tupac, Snoop Dogg, and Suge Knight. "I think Death Row and a lot of other hip-hop fashion sources have influenced my look," she said.—Noisey

Vertebrate Wildlife Populations Plunged 58 Percent Since 1970, Report Says
Some two-thirds of global wildlife populations could be in decline by the year 2020 thanks to humans being awful stewards of the planet, according to a new World Wildlife Fund report. In particular, vertebrate populations fell 58 percent between 1970 and 2012, the report said.—Motherboard

Based On This Family Portrait, Who Is the Trumpiest Trump Who Isn’t Trump?

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My theory now is that Donald Trump is just the scariest drag queen alive. Consider it: make-up so dramatic it starts to look like parody, arch comments and lip curls, practised feminine hand gestures, a personality so large and loud that it becomes intimidating.

If he'd busted out a flawless lip-sync of "The Trolley Song" during the final debate, would any of us, truly, have been surprised? If he ran his hands up his body, pawing at his trousers to reveal a tanned and stockinged leg, would we blink? We wouldn't. We know Trump now. We know the shape of his oddness and have contorted our world around it to accommodate him.

With that in mind, I would like us all to look at this photo:

(Photo: Spencer Platt / Getty Images)

Since Eric Trump tweeted this photo six days ago I have not been able to stop looking at it. This is every strain of Trump currently alive: the prized daughter; the other daughter; the two sons who constantly look like they just got done shouting "HEY, MCFLY!" at Michael J. Fox; the trophy wife; visibly rich children. This is Trump split into seven as if he was punched down the spine by a power ring. This is the very essence of Trump.

Tell me, though: is this not the most eerie family photo you have ever seen? Kind of family photo you see on a pamphlet for a pastor who has invented "a new kind of Christianity, one that is somehow even more puritanical. Come, live with us in tents, and we will feast and fuck together under the true and golden light of God." This family photo proves that Trumpness – Trump as an essence – is something that can be passed from one human to another. That Trumpness overwhelms all other genetics, pushing hair follicles back the wrong way, pulling skulls into emotionless rictus grins, making nasal cavities sensitive only to the smell of money. It sort of impresses me and terrifies me in equal measure.

Essentially: one day, Trump Alpha will fall, and in his place one or more Trumps will pop up, more orange and bombastic than ever. The next great Trump is somewhere in this photo. We need to figure out who it is.

WHO IS THE TRUMPIEST TRUMP WHO ISN'T TRUMP?

First, we have to define Trump 1.0 by some rough parameters, as follows:

— All the way fucked up hair
— Smiles like a caveman snarling at some meat
— Doesn't really know what to do w/ hands
— Visibly evil
— You just sincerely get the vibe that he does something weird when he pisses

So as you can see, The Donald gets a perfect score on all of the above. He is five on five on five:

Melania Trump, though, knows almost how to smile like a human and mostly knows where to put her hands in photographic situations, so scores near zeroes all round:

Now we have our range. Let's take the children out early, because people in the comments section always go like, "Oh, don't be mean! They're only children! Incredibly wealthy children, sure, and that boy one already looks like he's eyeing up my house to demolish it and turn it into a mega-hotel – like actually stare into that kid's eyes and tell me he doesn't already say things like, 'The yacht club? I hate that yacht club. Listen: get the maid in here to clean up all this Cola I deliberately spilt on the floor,' – but they are children nonetheless, so don't be mean about them!"

I am choosing not to speculate on how weirdly these kids piss for legal reasons, so they both get hard 0s on that.

Now we are getting to the meat of things. Donald Trump Jr. looks like every single dude from Made in Chelsea got into a car at once and crashed it into a bank, and this is what crawled, moaning and clicking its monstrous fingers irritably at a strip club waitress, out from the smoking remains. Donald Trump Jr. wins points for being literally called Donald Trump Jr., and for looking like he was taught to smile at a special smiling school for rich children ("Now, Donald, if we are struggling to smile, what do we do?" "Lean backwards and hope the rest of our body works as a pendulum to pull our lips up" "Good"), but loses them for having a thick, lustrous head of hair and for having this weird animal-of-the-woods innocence to him.

Like: I personally have no doubts that Trump Jr. has some sort of evilness running through him, but from the off he just looks like one of those dudes who comes out of the woodwork every couple of years trying to sue Mark Zuckerberg because they think they invented Facebook, knowing deep down they didn't invent Facebook, knowing that they are in too deep now and have to follow through with this folly to the end. That's what Donald Trump Jr. looks like.

Tiffany doesn't really count because you just get the feeling she is one credit card overspend from "mysteriously going missing" and never being heard from again, but for now she is here and, inability to smile properly aside, she is human.

Then we get to Eric. Eric absolutely blasts this round on hair alone – when you're a really, really rich guy you only really have one choice of haircut, and that's "slicked back off your head". But there is like 1 percent of men that this haircut does not suit, myself included, and Eric is sadly one of them. He's got a little helmet bulge thing going on. The top of the hair runs too close to his skull. He looks like a 17-year-old boy whose very conservative mum let him buy his first pot of hair gel the night before prom, and this was what came out.

Add in that his hands are at fuck o'clock, his smile is genuinely aggressive and the fact that he sincerely gives off the vibe that he does something chaotically wrong when he pisses – rides the toilet back-to-front, does a handstand before, during and after, takes off all of his clothes to pee, something like that – and we've got a hell of a Trump happening here.

Now, on the parameters described above, Ivanka is only a low-to-medium scoring Trump. Yes: she has fuck all idea what to ever do with her hands, and smiles like she's eight hours in to a dental photoshoot, but her hair is mainly normal and she overall has the air of someone who is mildly embarrassed by – but not really enough to do anything about – her father. Look at Ivanka once, twice, maybe three times, and she appears to all intents and purposes a normal human person, positively non-Trumpian. But she isn't. She's basically Krang and The Donald is just the dumb robot body she bosses around. She is the smooth glassy shape that contrasts The Donald's oversized bombast. She is the anchor keeping this ship safe in the storm. Look at Ivanka and know true Trumpness. Look at Ivanka and know she is the one who will take the keys to the nuclear codes. Trust me, here. She is the next Trump to be feared.

But I'm bringing this guy back in – the little kid, Donald Trump Jr's son, currently getting some sort of all-that-is-evil-in-the-universe power transfer from the big man behind him:

Look at him. Look at the way he's standing, hands in his little pockets, like he's waiting for a valet with his car. Look at the way that bowtie sits so naturally under his little neck. Look at that thousand-yard stare on him, a child so mature he is already disinterested in the presidential race, thinking of something, anything, to get him out of here.

This is Donald Trump III, and he brings with him doom. This is Donald Trump III, and he already owns all of you, and me too. This is Donald Trump III, and he is the Trumpiest Trump who isn't Trump.

@joelgolby

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All the Evidence We Could Find About Fred Trump's Alleged Involvement with the KKK

A Brief History of Donald Trump and the Mafia

Meet the 15-Year-Old Helping Donald Trump Take Over the World

Werner Herzog Really, Really Likes Volcanoes

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The idea of Werner Herzog in North Korea kind of sells itself, but the legendary renegade filmmaker's Into the Inferno delivers on so much more than that concept. Herzog's latest documentary sees him journeying inside the isolated, notoriously guarded dictatorship among other far-flung locales like Indonesia, Iceland, Ethiopia, and Antarctica to explore volcanoes and the cultures, mythologies, and scientists that surround them.

Having scratched his internet itch with this spring's enjoyable if not-quite-transcendent Lo and Behold, the 74-year-old LA-based, Bavaria-born filmmaker is firmly back in his natural element: the elements. The result is poetic, stirring, and gorgeous, a sweeping vision of fiery apocalypse and Herzog's finest documentary since 2007's memorable Encounters at the End of the World. There are numerous arresting moments, particularly a series of astonishing, seemingly extraterrestrial images by—and of—late French volcanologists Katia and Maurice Krafft as they stroll dangerously near rivers of flowing lava, like enormous orange-and-black snakes at certain moments, geysers and waterfalls of fire during others. (The couple, Herzog notes, would be killed by a pyroclastic flow, giving these scenes a haunting quality reminiscent of Grizzly Man.)

This complex beauty continues when we are shown a group of young men marching and "rejoicing" in the fog atop Mount Paektu in North Korea. "We thought they were soldiers, but they were university students," Herzog notes, dryly. "But in all this display of the masses," he says, after witnessing a stadium full of orchestrated performers, "I find an underlying emptiness and solitude."

The most amusing, and in some ways characteristic, moment occurs early in the film. Herzog is perched at the lip of Mount Erebus, an active volcano in Antarctica, with volcanologist Clive Oppenheimer, whose 2011 book Eruptions That Shook the World was an inspiration for the film. As clouds of smoke float up behind them, the two bundled men calmly discuss the inherent risk of studying volcanoes. "I would love to see it from close up," Herzog admits. "But since it is too dangerous, it would be silly... I'm the only one in filmmaking who is clinically sane, taking all precautions."

Then there's an explosion like a gunshot from within the crater and the implacable Herzog sort of shifts, releasing the small rocks that had been in his gloved hands. "Yeah, a good swoosh," he remarks to Oppenheimer, smiling. Unfazed, he barely regards the threat. "Let it come at us. We'll face it, and step aside," he chuckles, echoing another volcanologist's instructions for how to properly deal with lava "bombs"—fiery fragments ejected from the volcano. In moments like these, we see Late Herzog at his best, still adventurous after all these years, but also mellowed out, bemusedly accepting what nature brings and following wholly reasonable directions for surviving to film another day.

Earlier this month, I had the pleasure of speaking with Herzog over the phone. Hearing his deep, distinctive, Teutonic-inflected voice over the phone is everything you would imagine and hope for it to be.

Werner Herzog: Good morning, this is Werner Herzog. Where are you, physically?

VICE: I am physically in Brooklyn. What about yourself, LA?
Yes, I am in Los Angeles.

So now that your newest documentary is about volcanoes instead of the internet, is there any part of you that will miss being asked questions about Pokémon Go and Kanye West videos?
Well, that's very ephemeral what was going on and just completely disappeared. Of course, I have to learn very quickly there's a huge difference between an interview with print media and something that is going directly online. For example, about the rapper's video, I had about half an hour of very intelligent conversation about the internet, and at the very end the lady said to me, "Oh, I'm showing you a video, can you immediately comment?" And I looked at it, and I found it interesting, and I made a few, very brief comments—60 seconds—and that was the only thing that really was going out. And Pokémon, of course, is my way to poke fun at a phenomenon like that.

Sure.
In a similar way, I do remember I was asked—how do you call it? It's like radio online—how do you call it, blog?

A podcast, maybe?
A podcast, yes. I said, "I don't see you, I don't see you." I thought it was something like Skype, but it was only radio. And now I asked something, which was clearly made up by me, "How do I find you on the internet?" They said, "Just google us at this address." And then I said, "How, for heaven's sake, do I hack into Google?" And there was a scream on the other end. They didn't stop screaming for a long time.

In your first film about volcanoes, La Soufrière, you said that you weren't so interested in the volcano itself, but rather in the handful of men who refused to evacuate for an eruption, who chose, effectively, to wait for death. This time around, the actual volcanoes as phenomena occupy a larger focus. How has your view of volcanoes changed over the years?
Well, are so distinct. Each one has its own character, its own distinctive marks. And of course many of them are dormant. Ninety percent or so are dormant. So, no, it has been a fascination. Because what's going on under us is so raw, and so powerful. This kind of fascination, in fact, has attracted many of the viewers. When you see the lava flows or eruptions—it's just a huge event. It's very, very good for cinema.

To me, volcanoes in the film also serve as a kind of apocalyptic promise. And yet you also mention a "fondness" for them. I'm reminded of what you once said about the jungle, while shooting Fitzcarraldo, how it was full of obscenity and death, but how you also liked it a great deal, beyond your better judgment.
I said, "But I love it"—I'm speaking of the jungle now—"against my better judgment." [ Laughs] That was a very pointed remark that I wanted to pass on. And of course volcanoes have also created the atmosphere that all of us need for breathing and survival.

I was going to ask if volcanoes are obscene to you in any way.
No, no. They're just magnificent, and there's something awe-inspiring about them.

So it's a less complicated feeling.
When you mention obscene, I use the term "obscenity" in context with the jungle. You have to see it in the right environment. At the time I was with the actor Klaus Kinski, and he would embrace a tree, and fornicate with the tree, and scream around it, how erotic the jungle was. And I said to him, "No, Klaus. In my opinion, the jungle is not erotic; it's just obscene."

Perhaps having Kinski there could make anything obscene.
In a way, yes.

VICE Talks Film: Werner Herzog Explains the Internet to Us:

The theme of nature's disregard for humanity is one you've returned to. And yet there are so many cultures in the film that craft origin stories and narratives around volcanoes, and you yourself have created quite an impressive body of work about nature and humanity's tentative or even impossible relationship to it. If nature seemed to care about us, do you think we'd lose interest? Is there something about nature's indifference that compels us to obsess over it further, like an emotionally unavailable boyfriend or girlfriend?
Uh, I don't think so, but it's a very interesting question that you are posing. I've never heard anyone speaking like that. I'd really have to think a little bit about it—let's not argue about it in this interview, but it's a very fine idea that I should pursue.

My own lasting impression of the film is of a fiery vision of the apocalypse and humanity's precarious and temporary position, standing at the lip of the volcano, these sorts of ants in hazmat suits looking down. Do you feel this is a description of our essential relationship to nature?
Not necessarily, but when you look at a huge volcano, it just shows how tiny and insignificant we are. And it also shows that the volcano—the magma, boiling all around us, this entire planet—and is uninterested in what we are doing. What the retarded reptiles and vapid humans are doing on the thin crust around it. And of course we have learned to see ourselves in different, new perspectives since we have had the Rosetta Mission on a comet, and things like that. When you look back on planet Earth, it's a tiny speck somewhere out there. It gives us a different sense of proportion.

In the film you also show a certain mundanity of human survival, for instance in how the scientists instruct you how to avoid lava "bombs": to keep your attention faced toward the lava lake, look up, and step away. I was reminded of the fire-safety technique taught to children in the US: Stop, drop, and roll. Is that our only recourse, when faced with the destructive indifference of nature, the inevitability of catastrophe, to act like a well-behaved child?
Well, that's of course a funny little moment in the film. And it applies only to, for example, Mount Erebus, where the magma lake would explode and there are these projectiles flying up. And you could see them coming up and you step out of the way. Normally when there's a big eruption, there's no way of stepping to the side. You will be airborne.

"I said , 'I give you three guarantees: my honor, my faith, and my handshake.' And they said, 'OK.'"

How difficult was it to convince the North Korean government to let you in? You've spoken of forging documents and carrying bolt cutters. Did that inform your dealings with North Korean officials?
It took about a year before we had the permit. It was in conjunction with an ongoing program between Cambridge and the North Korean government. Still, it was about a year, and you better not come with a forged passport. For example, the cinematographer Peter Zeitlinger wanted to bring his drone, but disassembled in various parts and spread over various pieces of luggage. And I said, "No, you're not going to do that." And thank God I dissuaded him—shortly after we left, a young American was arrested because he stole a propaganda banner, I think, from the lobby of a hotel, and he was sentenced to 15 years. A drone over Mount Paektu right at the Chinese border, heavy military presence—you're immediately into the terrain of espionage. So you just don't do it.

But I developed a very straightforward relationship with them. Once I filmed something I wasn't supposed to, and they wanted me to erase it. And we tried and we couldn't, because the data management was very complex. And after two days, they wanted to take the entire hard drive, two days worth of shooting. And I said, "Please don't do that. I can guarantee that I'm not going to use this footage." And they said, "Guarantee, what do you mean by that?" And I said, "I give you three guarantees, my honor, my faith, and my handshake." And they said, "OK." And of course I have not used this short moment that I filmed and shouldn't have filmed. And they understood I was not joking with them.

Throughout your work, I think there's a real revelry in language, even poetry. One example is at the end of The Great Ecstasy of Woodcarver Steiner, with the fantastic Robert Walser quote. Here, I noticed it in the "magical names" the Indonesian cultures gave to certain volcanoes: The Night Market of the Ghosts.
And the Dancing Hall of the Spirits. Yeah.

How important is the poetry of language to your work?
Ha, well, you can see it practically in all my films. In here, when you hear that one part in particular to the Royal Codex, the Icelandic sacred book of their mythologies, one single manuscript in existence. It was so important for the Icelandic people, when the Danish returned it after it in their possession for 300 years or so, the Danish sent it with their biggest battleship accompanied by a fleet of ships, and the half the population of Iceland was at the pier for a week, waiting for it and chanting the Edda songs and reciting the poetry. So if you all of a sudden see this text in front of you—it's like the Dead Seas Scrolls for Israel. Poetry of great, great beauty. And I recite from it. And the way I'm reciting it, it's not big emotional recitation—it has a certain gravitas. And I think it is good that it's my own voice and not a slick voice of a very trained actor, with perfect English pronunciation. Of course my pronunciation, I know, is awful, but it's OK. I can live with it.

OK, the last question: Into the Abyss, Into the Inferno—will there be a third one? Into the Oblivion, perhaps, or Into the Chaos ?
No, no—for God's sake, no. It was more a coincidence. I had a different title, and nobody liked it. And then all of a sudden it popped up, Into the Inferno, and everyone jumped at it and found it so wonderful. So I said, "OK, I give you the title if everyone wanted it," and everybody was enthusiastic about it. No, I'm not going to do yet another "Into" something.

So it's not a trilogy?
No, no. Then it would be Aguirre 2, 3, 4, 6, and 8 or so. You won't see that from me. It's not going to happen.

Follow James Yeh on Twitter.

Illustration by Dane Patterson.

Into the Inferno is available on Netflix on October 28.

Turning Cancer into a War Is Defeating Patients

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"I don't want to be remembered a loser. I don't want my obituary to say that I lost the battle."

This is what my first patient to request medically assisted death said to me in August. He had cancer, and his chances of getting better were slim. Almost impossible. In just a week, cancer had stripped him of his identity and independence. He didn't see a point in fighting. And that did not make him a loser.

Battle language is everywhere in my profession—it's really common for us doctors to say things like "we can beat this" or "you are a fighter" to cancer patients. But not everyone finds this language inspiring.

These words are hardly unique to cancer—but somehow saying we will annihilate kidney disease or destroy asthma lacks the same appeal.

Toronto's Sick Kids Foundation took a big risk extending violent, military imagery into all pediatric illnesses when it dropped its new "VS" campaign earlier this month. And with almost half a million Youtube hits and a ton of media coverage, it's certainly paying off. But the first of a series of ads—featuring children donning war paint and marching military style set to a throbbing hip hop soundtrack—made a lot of people uncomfortable.

This is because there is a growing body of evidence that imposing military metaphors on patients can actually cause harm. And the idea of extending that harm to kids is frightening.

Research from the University of Lancaster has already shown that battlefield language can lead to feelings of failure and guilt among terminally ill patients.

"When the metaphor is used in situations where the disease is incurable, that makes the person who is dying a loser and responsible for not getting better," linguistics professor and lead researcher, Elena Semino, told me.

Her latest study, to be published early next year, found that violent language was used as often in North American conversations as in Britain. But Americans avoided talking about death and used aggressive language far more in describing end-of- life care. This is probably because death is often seen as a failure in North America, and we don't like talking about when we "fail."

This is not surprising to palliative and intensive care specialist, James Downar, at Toronto's University Health Network. He says it's easier for doctors to continue with aggressive treatment than to tell a patient or family "I can't turn this around."

But he also says that labelling all patients as fighters can influence them into taking futile, potentially harmful, treatments so they are not viewed as "quitters."

Downar acknowledges that for some patients, the language of warfare can be empowering. But it can also make others feel personally defeated as their condition deteriorates.

Terminal cancer patients are not the only victims. A 2014 University of Michigan study found that framing illness within the combat metaphor reduced beneficial behaviours—like quitting smoking and avoiding unhealthy foods.

And it can contribute to the over-aggressive treatment of milder illness, says pediatric cancer researcher and radiation oncologist Edward Halperin.

Patients may overestimate their risk of dying and seek immediate treatment so they can "fight."

"It's difficult to tell patients–you have cancer, we are going to watch it–even if observation is most appropriate. We may be grossly overtreating some conditions as a result."

The language of warfare also does not resonate with David Giuliano, who was diagnosed with a rare type of tumour in connective tissue more than a decade ago.

" patients" and the general public included some "people who have been touched by cancer."

Meanwhile across the street on Toronto's hospital row, the Sick Kids Foundation undertook a full year of engagement with patients, families and staff for their new branding—including conversations with grieving families. It wanted to be confident it had something that would empower patients and families.

And it also had a "go big or go home" approach, according to Lori Davidson, a VP with the foundation.

"We are moving into the most significant fundraising campaign in the history of Canadian hospitals, with the goal of $1.3 billion... and we know we are not going to get there by reminding people of what they already know."

The first ad was geared toward expanding the donor base to include younger and male donors, but also to "jolt the community and make people sit up and take notice," said Davidson.

We shouldn't fixate on the first ad, says Jay Chaney, chief strategy officer ofCossette, the agency that developed the campaign pro bono.

"The tone evolves... we've tapped into this real, emotional experience of the hospital. We speak to the range of experiences, breakthroughs and losses that happen at Sick Kids."

The next video, due to come out November 7, features a young girl who died of cancer and has a much softer tone. And, according to Davidson, the intention is not to portray those who die as weak or losers.

"We have been conscious of that perspective and sensitive to it. It's not Grace vs. Cancer. It's Sick Kids vs. Grace's cancer."

But Downar still warns that fundraising battle messaging often resonates most with survivors and those who have never been sick. "If you are going to call it a battle or fight, you have to understand you are calling a large proportion of patients losers."

Dr. Seema Marwaha is a Toronto-based internal medicine physician, communications researcher and a Munk Global Journalism Fellow.

I Turned an Abandoned Women’s Prison into a Protest Squat

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This post originally appeared on VICE UK.

We're driving down a single track road in the Essex countryside, northeast of London. As the houses peter out, we pass signs that read: "No Access to the Public, Official Visitors Only." The woods grow thicker and, as the light dims, it's starting to feel like the last place you'd want to end up on a leisurely Sunday drive.

Then we spot a security van parked in front of two huge, grey metal gates topped with razor wire. Until it closed in 2013, this was Her Majesty's Prison Bullwood Hall, a women's prison that also served as a young offenders institute and immigration center. We pull closer and dogs start barking from inside the van, but the security guard just looks on. The gates swing open from the inside and Darren Davies, the leader of a group of squatters occupying the derelict 48-acre site, stands in an army-surplus camouflage jacket.

"Welcome to my country retreat," he says, beaming and ushering us inside. Darren's a homeless man who's become something of a local celebrity—or menace, depending on who you talk to. He engineered a small-town media shit storm in August when he and his crew occupied the newly vacant BHS building on Southend High Street.

"This is the British Home Stores. I'm British and I deserve a home, so this is my home," he told a reporter from a Southend online TV channel. The Facebook video attracted hundreds of shares and comments, both vilifying and supporting him.

Darren's group have used their string of headline-generating occupations to raise awareness of the area's homelessness problem and highlight the wealth of empty properties that could be used to house them. The prison is their biggest move yet. As Darren walks us through the grounds we're joined by Dan and Tom, both homeless and squatting in the prison.

Dan, left, and Darren, both squatting at HMP Bullwood Hall

Tom, inside the former prison's dorm area

At 19, Dan is the youngest of the group and has been on the streets since February. "I got kicked out of home when I was 16," he says. "It's scary out there." He pulls his sleeve back to reveal two large scabs on his forearm. "This is when I was attacked by a dog. I had to go to hospital and they've only just healed up."

"There was no help I could get," he continues. "I got nowhere on my own—I just kept getting told to go somewhere else. But we all stuck together and look where we are now. This is perfect; I'm not cold at night any more."

We enter the cell block together. It is, quite simply, bleak. I pop my head around into what I'm told was a suicide watch cell. Two doors down, Darren's chosen a cell to make his bedroom. "I'm the only one who's got the bollocks to sleep here," he says, grinning. "As long as no one takes a shit in my cell, I'm all OK." With no power in most of the buildings, the shadows inside are beginning to grow as daylight fades. Getting back into the open air is a relief.

Later, I speak to Mark Flewitt, Southend councillor responsible for housing, for his take on the group's perspective. He says the authority is committed to supporting homeless people and providing necessary services. "Squatting is not a solution to homelessness," he says. "It can hide homelessness, entrench people in unfit accommodation, and disconnect vulnerable people from many of the services they would receive if they engaged with the local authority."

But Darren and the others are happy where they are. Tom, 24, credits Darren with getting him off hard drugs. "I could have been housed by now," he says. "But these occupations are more important. We're raising awareness. No one should be homeless, I want everyone off the streets."

Darren proudly shows me the court documents that he says grant the group temporary squatters' rights. "£4.8 million worth of property for ten pence, not bad," he says—the cost of printing the Section 144 notice stuck to the prison gates, announcing the squatters' claim to the site. "They've labeled me a protester and an activist, but I'm just a homeless man with legal documentation," he continues. "This is me living life the way I want to, and no one else is going to tell me to live it their way."

With his extensive criminal record, Darren knows he's not the cuddly activist people can easily get behind. "I was failed by the care system and have committed a lot of crime from a young age," he says. "I was on benefits for a long time, but I'm not asking for government handouts any more. I ain't stealing this property; they're getting it back eventually. I don't claim it. I'm just borrowing it to put a roof over my head. I may be homeless, but I'm a free living human being and everyone should feel the same way that I should."

Once their court dates arrives, the group is sure to be removed by property owners, Redrow Homes, to make way for the 60 new houses planned for the site—houses they know they won't be able to afford. So what's their next move?

"The coverage we're getting is raising awareness that there's not a lot of help for the homeless," Dan says. "We're gonna keep going bigger and bigger and hope that makes an impact." As Darren opens the gates to let us out, the guard dogs start barking again. "It's all fun and games," he shouts at us as we drive off into the night.

Follow Alex King on Twitter.

Follow Theo McInnes on Twitter.


Is 'Game of Thrones' Really Just Overhyped Garbage?

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Game of Thrones might get mad love from fans, critics, and dragon lovers, but there are a few out there who just don't understand the hype. Desus Nice, co-host of VICELAND's late-night show, Desus & Mero, falls into this camp.

On Wednesday night's episode, the hosts got into a heated argument about the show in response to a leaked photo from Game of Throne's upcoming season seven. Mero is pro Game of Thrones, calling it a "cultural juggernaut," whereas Desus thinks it's overrated. While arguably most people like the fantasy show, we commend him for being brave enough to spew a few fighting words to one of the fiercest fan bases out there.

Watch this week's episodes of Desus & Mero for free online now, and be sure to catch new episodes weeknights at 11 PM ET/PT on VICELAND.

The VICE Guide to Right Now: How the Military Is Failing Its Guards at Guantánamo Bay

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PTSD remains a prevalent problem for men and women returning home from war zones around the world, but it can also affect US troops serving as guards and medics in highly dangerous situations—including those deployed to Guantánamo Bay.

Retired Navy officer Andrew Turner said he was deployed to the detention center in 2009 with instructions to serve on the highly classified Task Force Platinum (TFP) unit. As a TFP guard, Turner was tasked with handling the prison's most dangerous inmates and terror suspects.

"Typically, around the detention camps, it wasn't uncommon for urine to be thrown. It wasn't uncommon for feces and food to get thrown," Turner told VICE News. "Verbal abuse was pretty common. Being called every name imaginable in multiple languages throughout all those camps, that kind of just tears people down. You just didn't know what was coming around that next corner."

In addition to the severe verbal abuse, Turner crushed and lost use of his hand in a prisoner altercation just two weeks into his deployment. He now suffers from PTSD as a result.

"I know there's a lot of guys and girls out there that I served with... that served at Guantánamo before me, that have come after, that probably aren't really sure about talking about being broken in some way," Turner said. "I don't want them to be afraid."

Military officials have stayed tight-lipped about the links between PTSD and those who serve at Gitmo, but VICE News obtained a report from the Army Institute of Public Health that supports the claims that serving at the detention center does take a major psychological toll on troops. It found that of the troops affected, many blame a lack of training as a direct cause.

You can read Jason Leopold's full report on VICE News and watch an all new episode of VICE News Tonight on HBO tonight at 7:30 PM.


Meet the Artist Bringing Faces of Colour Out of the Shadows

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Photos via Zahra Siddiqui

The beginning of September marked the opening of the mixed media exhibit of local photographer and all around dope creator, Zahra Siddiqui at Daniels Spectrum in Toronto. A self-taught photographer, Zahra picked up a camera six years ago and as the cliche goes, she hasn't looked back since. Instead she's looked to the present and the future, capturing moments and faces through the lens of her Nikon d5100. She's found a way to create digital and physical archives that document those who are unseen, those who go unnoticed and those whose faces are often airbrushed into obscurity by mainstream media. The solo exhibit entitled, The Invisible Majority, is a love letter to the racialized people that make up Toronto's landscape.

I chatted with Siddiqui to see what inspired this labour of love, what it means to her and what it's like taking up space as a racialized artist in the super competitive creative industry.


VICE: So tell me how you got started with The Invisible Majority?
Zahra Siddiqui: This mixed media body of work started because of feeling stuck as a photographer. I'm a street photographer and during the winter it can be difficult to create due to the elements. People just don't want to shoot when it's cold, which is understandable but then it puts the street photographer in a creative rut. I turned to collaging National Geographic magazines to pass the time and not let my creativity die. This was the first time I had ever done any type of collaging. After some time I started to play with my own images to create collages. When Elle Alconcel (Daniels Spectrum Curator) approached me to do my first solo show, we had agreed to showcase my photography. She wasn't aware that I was doing mixed media. After sorting through images to print for the show, I would continue collaging and through this birthed the idea to do the entire show using mixed media. I told Elle about my idea and she supported me 100%, even while knowing that I had not done this before on such a large scale. I had never held a paintbrush in my life, never walked into an art store before....didn't even know what some of the materials I needed were called. The experienced forced me to be creative, to learn on my own and to self-motivate.

Taking a photo stopped being enough for me. Photos can only say so much about how the photographer is feeling about the subject and about their passion. Pursuing mixed media allowed me to showcase my melanated community in a more deserving and rich light. One which truly speaks to how I see us and how much I value our existence.

So much fuckery is happening towards people of colour everyday and sometimes it's so hard to just get out of bed. What kind of mindset did you have to place yourself in, to start the project and also to complete it?
I wasn't eating. I wasn't bathing. I wasn't sleeping. We are talking 14-hour days. Sometimes I would start projects and then tear them up because they didn't look the way I wanted them to. This was all out of pocket and I really had to hustle and get all the materials I needed. On days I had no money I would just stare and stare at the work, just consumed by it and changing whatever needed to be changed. And then when I could buy materials I would leave the house and just be running around. It was insane. For me the whole thing was emotionally exhausting but also very therapeutic. All the things happening in the world against people of colour, inspired the urge to make this project something that showed beauty and love. This is a timestamp for my community.

How have people reacted to the exhibit?
People have cried. I didn't expect that. God, I didn't know what I expected. I've had people coming up to me to thank me for showcasing the exhibit. It has just been so incredible and nothing but love and appreciation. Like it is so much bigger than me. This is about my community. The people I spend time with. The elders I listen to. This is for us.

Tell me about the name?
I chose the name The Invisible Majority because it's how I've always seen and described the environments I took space in. I'd always see an abundance of artists and people of colour hidden in little pockets and corners of the city. Every time I would experience these moments I would always be amazed by how many of us there are and how quickly we can disappear and be forgotten when we leave each other, to go face the world.

The purpose of this grid (pictured above) was to make an impact, specifically on the artists like myself who can often feel alone but needed a reminder that they're not. Seeing us together was my way of creating such an impact.

What does it mean to you knowing that there are non-POC who use racialized bodies as inspiration, make mad money of them, and yet are also racist?
I don't know any white artists in Toronto. I am completely, intentionally and heavily surrounded by melanin. But I appreciate and I am grateful for the fact that I have had to go through the struggle and the hustle because I am a woman and because I am a person of colour. That has made me so much more resilient. White people do not know what that is like and although it bothers me to see them receive praise and see people of colour ignored I try not to think about it and just focus on my art. It's about the art.

What I noticed when looking at your pictures was the fact that I saw the vulnerability of your subjects and also yours from behind the lens?
Oh yes for sure. Every picture I take I always make sure to ask for permission because so many people (especially men) don't do that. I think that's so disrespectful. So I try to add an element of trust because I am asking these people to invade their space. For me to be able to capture these moments, I need them to be able to trust me and also to be vulnerable. As a woman in this industry there is a vulnerability I have because there aren't that many of us and I am viewed and treated a lot differently than my male counterparts. I still have strong male support surrounding me but I am aware that there is a certain vulnerability that comes with being who I am and also in being a street photographer.

What do you want people to take away from your exhibit?
I want people of colour to know that they are loved and they are beautiful and they are seen. Someone came to the opening and asked me why there were no pictures of white people. And I said because you are everywhere. You are everywhere, and this space right now is about and for people of colour. I mean even in "multicultural" Canada people of colour are still going through all the racism and the pain. We are going through difficult times and Canada has perfected the skill of polite racism. This exhibit was my small of way of showing my heart and telling my community they are loved.

The Invisible Majority will be on display until the end of October, after which it will be shown in New York.

Turns Out the Internet Can’t Help You If You Threaten to Shoot Up Your School

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Don't post shooting threats on the internet. Just don't do it. Screenshot via South Park

Ah, the internet. What would we do without it?

For us young folks, the mighty interweb is our connection to our friends, the bringer of all our entertainment and the solver of all our problems. Well, most of our problems.

As it turns out, the internet can't really help you if you threaten to shoot up your school. Even if you were, like, totally joking about it you guys.

Earlier this week, as the Edmonton Journal reported, Edmonton Police responded to a social media threat at MacEwan University and then, the next day, arrested and charged John Quest, a 19-year-old student.

It seems, late Monday night, Quest made an anonymous threat on a site called Chillabit that said "one more upvote and I'll shoot up my school." The post quickly came to the attention of Edmonton police and they upped their presence at the school and sent out an email to all student and staff warning them of the risk.

Once Quest awoke the next morning, he realized his boo-boo and it seemed he turned to where all people turn when they're in times of need, Reddit.

A user who is allegedly Quest made the post on the subreddit Legal Advice with the title "Made a joke on social media that nearly put my school on lockdown, what should I be doing?"

"In a state of fatigue I made a joke about a school shooting in an anonymous post on a social media around 2:30am," it reads. "The post was deleted before 3am because it upset some people."

The user states that he called the school to explain what happened and agreed to go to campus security before class. What he wanted advice on was his next move.

"Now that I've called the school, what should I be doing for damage control? Obviously I'm freaking out a little bit so any advice you can give is appreciated. Thank you."

Reddit offered a few sincere suggestions like to hide anything he doesn't want police to find and to get a lawyer, but it didn't take long for members to begin taking turns shitting on the "OP."

"You sir, are a fucking idiot. Pro tip: Jokes are usually supposed to be funny. Enjoy the legal implications of your amazing 'joke,'" reads one.

"CONGRATULATIONS YOU PLAYED YOURSELF!" reads another.

Also, they were very, very upset that that user called to calm the fears of the school and admit it was him, calling that part of his plan "one of the worst ideas."

"Next time, shut your mouth and get a lawyer."

Quest was arrested at his home in Sherwood Park and was charged with one count of uttering threats which could potentially result in ten years in prison. Det. Stuart Pearce, with Edmonton Police, told the Journal that Quest could "potentially go to jail for this"

So, in light of all this, maybe kiddos the best bet isn't to turn to Reddit for legal advice, but just not threaten to shoot your school in the first place.

Because, turns out, the internet can't help you get out of that one.

Follow Mack on Twitter.

Media Coalition and Civil Liberties Groups Granted Say in VICE Case Against RCMP

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Photo by CP

An Ontario judge ruled Thursday that a media coalition and two civil liberties organizations can intervene on behalf of a VICE Canada journalist, as he fights a production order filed by the RCMP.

VICE will be back in court in February, fighting a previous ruling that ordered national security reporter Ben Makuch to hand over Kik messenger chat logs between him and an alleged ISIS fighter. Thursday's ruling means that they'll have back-up.

The judge granted intervener status for all three parties, despite opposition from the Crown, which argued that they were duplicating arguments and raising new issues that would shift the focus away from VICE's appeal.

But Justin Safayeni, lawyer for the coalition, argued the case would have a broad impact on the rights of all media in Canada. Safayeni is representing eight organizations including the CBC, the Canadian Media Guild, and Canadian Journalists for Free Expression.

The coalition wanted status for the February hearing to argue for strict guidelines on how police can slap production orders on journalists, arguing that "a chilling effect will always follow from production orders targeting the media, and particularly those targeting communications with a source."

They said that merely serving a journalist is enough to dampen freedom of the press.

"Our whole argument is that we don't need evidence of a chilling effect—this is something that based on inferences and understanding of human behavior, the court should take account of without evidence," Safayeni said.

The coalition will argue that judges should always weigh that chilling effect against the value of the information that would be gained through a production order before granting it. In this case, the production order is being used to gather evidence against someone who's been charged in absentia and may even be dead.

"Here, you've already charged someone and you're gathering evidence for a trial that may not even happen," said Safayeni.

For its part, the BC Civil Liberties Association plans to help flesh out the kinds of questions an authorizing judge must ask when dealing with a production order that targets the media.

Brian Radnoff, lawyer for the Canadian Civil Liberties Association, said his client's submissions will focus on the gag order that was applied to the documents filed to VICE Canada. An Ontario Superior Court later ordered the gag orders be lifted, in part, but issued an indefinite publication ban over the rest.

The Canadian Civil Liberties Association says the judge didn't consider that Farah Shirdon, the alleged ISIS fighter in question, isn't in Canada, will likely never be arrested, and that information about his connection to terrorism is already available online.

The association will argue that courts should carefully scrutinize any order that violates Canada's open court principle, especially publication bans on information that's already been available to the public.

Canadians going abroad to participate in terrorism is one of "the most significant political issues" of the current day said Radnoff, one that's of interest of "all Canadians regardless of the position they take.

"It's worthy of examination by the public, and it's important that the media be permitted to examine it."

Follow Tamara Khandaker on Twitter.

NDP MP Calls 'Bullshit' on Lack of Government Spending for Indigenous Children

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An NDP MP is calling on the government to comply with two warnings from a Human Rights Tribunal that found Canada is actively discriminating against Indigenous children.

Twice since January, the tribunal has ordered the government to comply with its ruling, which found the government spends significantly less on First Nations children on reserve versus other areas of Canada—a disparity NDP MP Charlie Angus told VICE News is "systemically racist."

He's not the first to issue a condemnation—on Wednesday the Manitoba legislature passed a motion condemning the federal government's inaction, and executive director of the First Nations and Family Caring Society Cindy Blackstock has said she is "profoundly disappointed" in the federal government.

Why I Judge My Dates on Their Musical Tastes

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The music taste of the person I date matters to me. I'm already aware of how pretentious that sounds but it's coming less so from a place or snobbery and more of self-preservation of my mental state. Whether we admit it or not, we all have our very own slightly ridiculous and often unreasonable dealbreakers; the things our friends roll their eyes about and ask "so I guess he wore sandals?" (I also fucking hate feet. Sue me.) Mine is directly tied to not only the kind of music my dating prospects listen to, but how willing they are to accept what I like and be as eager to discover new shit as I am. Just kidding. I want him to accept my tastes as superior. I am openly admitting that men who primarily listen to Future and Fetty Wap tend to irk my spirit and that I assume I would likely have very little in common with someone who listens to Opeth religiously.

But as a woman who has been referring to Pusha T as my life coach since I was 14, I know it's not a foolproof thought process either. When tabling prospects to friends who are largely sick of my romantic self-sabotage, they usually have no idea why I place a "frivolous" limit like music on my dating pool. "He listens to Soulja Boy. Like, on purpose," I've reasoned with a friend before. "And he doesn't know who Little Brother is." I mean, I stopped interacting with someone for admitting they had never heard of Rick James prior to the Dave Chappelle skit. Do I know it's extra? Yes. Do I care? No, but I also know it's a method that has holes in it.

Read More: The Most Effective Songs for your Tinder Profile

I feel like the kind of music you listen to most of the time serves as a pretty accurate peak into some key personality traits; since our evolving tastes are actually much more of a social function than we think. Our tastes act as a way to make sense of the shit we value; the things that move us and the things that make us tick. Especially when looking at lyrical content, the relatability of seeing pieces of ourselves in an artist, song or project is a part of what draws us closer to them than all the other shit that's out there. It's what attracts some people to The Roots and others to Drake. People have long made connections between musical tastes and intelligence, even going so far as conducting an entire study based on SAT scores and Facebook page likes. The study isn't without its glaring biases: it places obviously Black genres like soca, rap and R&B on the "less intelligent" end of the spectrum and links brightness with acts like U2 and Bob Dylan—artists who bore me to tears, and I happen to consider myself sharp as shit. Shade aside, the notion that music and the way you see the world are correlated is something I've always thought.

Dating around other commonalities is seen as pretty normal, from environmentalists to extreme sports enthusiasts; but there's something about mentioning the musical tastes of your dates that sets off eye-rolling alarm bells for most people. People have been meeting and falling in love at shows and music festivals forever, and just like there are websites for gaming, comic and anime fans and people who hate themselves, you can also find platforms and apps that connect you with users based on the genres and artists they specify on their profiles. Tastebuds.fm is one app that lets you create a whole profile based on the music you like—letting you enter your favourites, what you've listened to recently and the best concerts you've been to. Even popular dating apps like Tinder and Bumble let you sync with your Spotify account to make it easier to sift through profiles based on the artists they listen to most. It might not be a guaranteed way to find your soulmate, but it can make for some pretty awesome and effortless conversation.

Read This: A Night of Speed Metal Dating

I got to a point where I tried expanding my horizons, i.e: not allowing myself to be turned off by the things my friends insist are insignificant. After a few conversations with this one guy that I would have normally written off much earlier, I decided I was perhaps being too harsh and to focus on some of his more positive attributes. He seemed normal enough at first but in the time I spent in his car, I was inundated with a barrage of outdated and shitty music (Otis Redding was the one saving grace). "What do you mainly listen to, other than this?" I asked, trying to make conversation. How I'd fucking regret that. "Well," he started. "It's usually this and my own music." With a quick change of the disc in the stereo, he started playing me his latest project. So not only did he have terrible taste but he was also an aspiring rapper who, I would later learn, was 38 and not 27 like he told me at first. My eyes widened and darted around the car, because my life is a fucking sitcom. I was now in the position of having to lie to this person about his own music and the sudden tumble my interest in him took. "Honestly, I don't like any of these new rappers," he said. "They're not talking about anything good. I don't know who any of these guys are after like, 2008." That was our only date.

As much as some of my sensibilities lean towards older hip-hop (with dancehall, house, soca, afrobeats, older funk/soul and alt-R&B in the mix), I cringe at the thought of considering myself a rap purist in any way. Any interaction I've had with a man trapped in the perpetual loop of "real hip-hop" has been someone who is immediately dismissive of newer trends and artists in addition to being painfully preachy. I love Illmatic as much as the next person, but to ignore the artistic merit and impact of To Pimp A Butterfly so we can pretend it's 1996 forever gets tiresome. Certain attitudes you have in one facet of life bleed into other ones, so it doesn't surprise me when I see that spillover with something as personal and almost primal as our attraction to certain kinds of art.

For me, it also comes down to a willingness to be open to new sounds just as I am—with limits, of course. Personally, I'll give anything with a poppin' ass bassline a chance. That passion to want to learn, discover and appreciate things they've never heard before is something I find endearing as hell. A man's ability to introduce me to music I'm unfamiliar with but knows I'll love is one of those hidden cheat codes that can change the way I see them entirely. Show me Anne-Marie, Ray Blk & Dave East so I can love you.

Smell might be the strongest sense tied to memory, but I want to be able to associate music with whoever I have goo-goo eyes for at the time. And the song can't be shit.

Follow Sajae Elder on Twitter.

The VICE Morning Bulletin

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Everything you need to know about the world this morning, curated by VICE.

(Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

US News

Key Players in Oregon Standoff Acquitted
A jury in Oregon on Thursday acquitted the seven leaders of an armed militia who took part in a standoff at a federal wildlife reserve this past January. The surprise verdict cleared Ammon Bundy and six co-defendants of firearms offenses and conspiring to impede federal employees. The FBI said it was "extremely disappointed in the verdict."—NBC News

Clinton Considering Joe Biden for Secretary of State
Hillary Clinton's team is reportedly considering vice president Joe Biden for her old gig of secretary of state if she wins the White House. But neither Clinton nor her aides are believed to have approached Biden yet, and it is not clear he would want the position.—Politico

Police Evict Dakota Pipeline Protesters
Armed police employing aggressive tactics like pepper spray ousted protesters from private land in the path of the Dakota Access oil pipeline on Thursday. 141 protesters were arrested during the six-hour operation to force peaceful activists off the property, according to the local sheriff.—AP

Trump Claims 'Dirty' Polls Are Rigged
Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has been casting doubt on the legitimacy of the election for a while now, and said Thursday there is "tremendous dishonesty" in the "absolutely rigged" polling industry. Surveys generally show Hillary Clinton with a significant lead. —CBS News

International News

Iraqi Army Fighting to Reach Site of ISIS Executions
The Iraqi army on Thursday sought gains in Hamam al-Alil, a town south of Mosul, where ISIS is said to have executed dozens in hopes of discouraging local support for the government. Iraqi forces were doing what they could to dodge sniper fire and steer clear of suicide car bombs not far from where the killings took place.—Al Jazeera

Yemeni Rebels Launch Missile Toward Holy City
According to a Saudi-led coalition that has controversially intervened in Yemen's civil war, the country's Houthi militia deployed a ballistic missile at the holy city of Mecca Thursday. Coalition forces claim to have neutralized the missile a few dozen miles from the city, while Houthis claimed it was directed at King Abdulaziz International Airport in Jeddah.—Reuters

Nations Agree to Create World's Largest Marine Reserve
An international agreement between the European Union and 24 other countries will see the Ross Sea in Antarctica become the world's single largest marine protected area (MPA). Around 600,000 square miles of ocean will purportedly gain protection from commercial fishing for 35 years.—The New York Times

Syrian Rebels Make New Push for Western Aleppo
The Syrian Observatory for Human rights says rebels have fired "hundreds" of missiles into the western area of the city, killing at least 15 civilians, while reportedly also targeting al-Nayrab airport as part of a new offensive.—BBC News

Everything Else

Apple Reveals New MacBook Pro Touch Bar
On Thursday, tech giant Apple debuted the new version of its MacBook Pro laptop, with a new "Touch Bar" on the keyboard that basically makes the function keys obsolete. Touch ID, the company's signature biometric fingerprint feature, is part of the Touch Bar.—Motherboard

A Tribe Called Quest to Release Final Album
Classic 90s hip hop group A Tribe Called Quest say they will be releasing their final album this fall. MC Q-Tip explained on Twitter that his late fellow rapper Phife Dawg, who died in March, "left us with the blue print of what we had to do."—Rolling Stone

Duterte Says God Told Him to Stop Cursing
Deeply controversial President of the Philippines Rodrigo Duterte says he promised God on a plane trip home from Japan that he will stop using vulgar language. "I heard a voice telling me to stop swearing or the plane will crash in mid-air, and so I promised to stop," he said.—TIME

College Student Crashes Car While Taking Topless Selfie
A 19-year-old Texas A&M student crashed an SUV into a squad car after or while attempting to send a topless Snapchat selfie to her boyfriend, she told cops. Miranda Kay Rader posted $200 bond after being charged with drunk-driving offenses.—AP

Pussy Riot Member Compares Trump to Putin
Pussy Riot's Nadya Tolokno is speaking out about the similarities between Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump. "They both play on hatred," she said. "They don't have clear plans of what they want to do. They just use the rage that exists in people, political rage."—Noisey

Twitter Kills Off Vine
Four years after buying the video-sharing platform, Twitter announced that it was pulling the plug on Vine Thursday. The company also announced it is cutting 9 percent of its staff, or roughly 350 jobs.—VICE

The VICE Guide to the 2016 Election: How Gary Johnson Lost Millennials

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Gary Johnson in New York in September. Photo by Ray Tamarra/GC Images

October has been a bad month for Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson. As FiveThirtyEight's Harry Enten noted on Monday, not only are his polling numbers in a steady decline, he's been overshadowed by independent conservative candidate Evan McMullin in Utah. And though many articles have been written about the anti–drug war, anti-war, anti-tax candidate's appeals to the young, it appears that as the election approaches, millennials are ditching Johnson for Clinton. Now there's more bad news for the former New Mexico governor: According to Harvard's latest Survey of Young Americans' Attitudes Toward Politics, published on Wednesday, the it looks like Johnson's support could erode even further.

Harvard's general snapshot of 18- to 29-year-old likely voters makes for somewhat bleak reading. Fifty-one percent of young people call themselves fearful, compared to 20 percent who are hopeful, and there's been a general rise in thinking that America is on the wrong track—49 percent, as opposed to 39 percent in the spring of last year.

All that dissatisfaction, however, is not translating into a desire to ditch Clinton, who had the support of 49 percent of respondents, followed by Trump's 21 percent and Johnson's 14 percent. That's more than the Libertarian gets in surveys of the general population, but polls in August and September occasionally placed Johnson ahead of Trump among millennials.

Revealingly, many millennials who do back Johnson aren't all that passionate about him. An astonishing 37 percent of Johnson fans said they might change their minds and vote for someone else, compared to only 6 percent of Clinton supporters and 5 percent of Trump voters who said they might ditch their candidates.

That Trump is widely despised by most young people, even many young conservatives, is well known, so the GOP nominee's second-place showing was something of a surprise to John Della Volpe, director of polling at Harvard's Institute of Politics. Della Volpe told me that millennial voters' habits suggested that Trump's statements and performance at the first debate had completely nuked his shot at earning the support of the under-35 crowd. "The youth vote was coming down to Clinton, Johnson, or the couch," he recalled thinking at the time.

Why are so many rejecting Johnson now? It might have to do with him admitting to not knowing what Aleppo was in an interview with MSNBC's Mike Barnicle in early September. It was around that time that he lost six points with young voters, and "five of those six points went to Hillary" Volpe said in a conference call with reporters on Wednesday.

Three weeks later, Johnson blew it again when he couldn't tell Chris Matthews the name of a single world leader he admired, and said he was having another "Aleppo moment." In a recent focus group with undecided young voters, Della Volpe told me, "almost to a person, they were familiar with the Johnson gaffes." Fuck-ups like those, as everyone knows, spread quickly on Facebook and Twitter, social networks that are major news sources for millennials.

There were a few data points in the Harvard survey that suggests the Libertarian Party isn't going to experience a surge in popularity, even if its future candidates are more polished than Johnson. For instance, young people in 2013 had an intense dislike of NSA gathering their social media data—only 19 percent of them approved of it—whereas today "there has been some softening in the position," Volpe said, with 30 percent being fine with the practice.

But voting is often not based on something as rational as a candidate's stated positions. Some people tell pollsters they'll vote third party because they don't want to associate themselves with an unpopular major candidate—but when they get into the voting booth, they change their minds. It could be that as election day approaches, millennials are deciding that a protest candidate sounds more fun in theory than practice.

Follow Mike Pearl on Twitter.


Can Films Like 'I, Daniel Blake' Actually Change Anything?

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John McDonnell and Jeremy Corbyn posing for a photo with director Ken Loach and screenwriter Paul Laverty at the premier of 'I, Daniel Blake' (Photo by Joel Ryan AP/Press Association Images)

On the 16th of November, 1966, 12 million people watched a BBC television play called Cathy Come Home. Directed by Ken Loach and depicting a family's descent into homelessness at a time when housing shortages made this an all too familiar tale, it ignited a nationwide debate.

In Parliament, Anthony Greenwood, the Labour government's housing minister, said that he welcomed the film "because the more that the conscience of our people is shaken by programmes of that kind, the easier my job is going to be". Shelter, the charity that campaigns to end homelessness, was founded a few weeks later and today its website notes that the impact of Cathy Come Home "ensured public empathy and support for Shelter from our very beginning".

Last weekend saw the release of Ken Loach's new film, I, Daniel Blake. It depicts the sometimes fatal bureaucratic hammering experienced by those at the mercy of this country's welfare system.

The protagonist, 59-year old carpenter Dan, is caught in a Catch-22. To qualify for the benefits he needs, he has to look for work. Unfortunately, the reason he needs benefits is that, following a serious heart attack, his doctors have told him he must not work.

In scene after scene, we see Dan, single mum Katie and her two children – who have been relocated to Newcastle from London because of housing shortages – beaten down by a system that treats people like thieves while robbing them of their dignity and health.

The film has provoked scepticism among some critics. Writing in the Sunday Times, Camilla Long found that "for all its hideously condescending attempts at teeth-grinding realism, it feels unreal". The Mail's Toby Young isn't convinced either. "I'm no expert on the welfare system, but...", he writes, and really he should have stopped there. But the world shown in I, Daniel Blake is no fantasy. Accepting the Palme D'Or at Cannes earlier this year, Ken Loach said that cinema can "bring us the world we live in", and he does, with humour as well as tragedy.

As Abigail Scott Paul, of the Joseph Rowntree Foundation points out, "13.5 million people live in poverty in the UK and the reality is, almost anyone can experience poverty... unexpected events such as illness, redundancy or relationship breakdown are sometimes all it can take to push us into circumstances that then become difficult to escape, as I, Daniel Blake highlights".

Between December of 2011 and February of 2014, 2,380 people died after their claim for employment and support allowance ended because a work capability assessment found they were "fit for work".

A former senior official in the DWP told me that as benefits are assessed there is a "tension between the desire to have a thoughtful person sit down with everyone who is looking for work and find the best solution for them and the knowledge that if this were the case, the country would be bankrupted". The official added that outsourcing parts of the job to companies like Atos had been a disaster. For some claimants, huge numbers of low-skilled workers presiding over a labyrinthine bureaucracy have turned the welfare state into a nightmare.

The film is certainly effective as cinema, but by putting these experiences onto the big screen, can I, Daniel Blake e ffect change in the same way that Cathy Come Home did 50 years ago?

For one thing, Loach has a powerful ally in Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, who was present at the film's London premiere. When I asked Corbyn if I, Daniel Blake could affect public policy, he told me that "so many people in Britain go through the indignity portrayed in this film, at the hands of our benefit system, due to this Conservative government's failed and unfair policies. Viewers will come out angry, but demanding change."

Abigail Scott Paul echoes Corbyn. "Public attitudes matter hugely," she said. "So I also hope the film counters the negative, and arguably corrosive narrative, about people in poverty that has dominated the mainstream media over the past five years."

Already, protesters have been inspired by the film to chain themselves to a Jobcentre in Stockton-on-Tees and the railings of a church that runs a food bank in Gateshead, to protest benefit sanctions.

"I, Daniel Blake, has already had an impact", says Liane Groves, head of community for Unite the Union. "This has been shown by the public reaction at discussions organised by Unite Community, both inside the cinemas and outside in community centres. The film will be a campaign tool that will galvanise campaign groups and the wider public in the run-up to our next #No2Sanctions national day of action in March, 2017."

Sean McAllister has made a number of powerful yet subtle documentaries that tell the stories of ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances. He said his latest film, Syrian Love Story, showed him that while governments and bureaucracies are hard to shift, "people want to find a way to help refugees – there's a willingness on a grassroots level". The film has been screened in parliaments across the European Union, but the situation in Syria is so complex, foreign policy was never going to be changed because of a film, though it can certainly build sympathy. I, Daniel Blake , on the other hand, speaks to a fairly clear-cut injustice. "Ken's issue is more tangible and we can do something," says McAllister.

"This film should be essential viewing", says Jeremy Thomas, an Oscar-winning producer whose adaptation of JG Ballard's Crash was deemed so shocking that a number of politicians called for it to be banned. None of those politicians had even seen it. "We still live in a democracy and we can make the films we like," adds Thomas. "Politicians are the danger. They may not listen or understand, but certainly films can and do make a difference if they are poetic and strong in their storytelling."

For Linda Burnip, from Disabled People Against Cuts, which has been campaigning against benefits sanctions, appeals to the government's conscience are never going to work. "I don't think the film will change the government's mind because they know exactly what they are doing."

Watching I, Daniel Blake, there were moments when I felt helpless, unable to do anything other than weep, my mouth open, my breath heavy. At other moments, this state's aversion to our natural vulnerability leapt out at me and I was filled with a rage that, if others shared it, felt like it could lead somewhere.

Towards the end of I, Daniel Blake, the daughter of the single mother he's been helping visits Dan. She has come to bring him some food. Ground down, ashamed and embarrassed by his own vulnerability, Dan tells her to leave. But she reminds him that he has helped her, that he does not need to be embarrassed, that he can accept help. Dan lets her in. I, Daniel Blake is a film we need to let in.

@oscarrickettnow

More from VICE:

Lilly Allen: Why the Press Want to Stop Celebrities Like Me Talking About the Migrant Crisis

London's Arthouse Cinema Workers Are Striking for a Living Wage

We Spoke to Charlie Brooker About 'Black Mirror', Fear and the Future of Satire

Dos and Don'ts: The Halloween Weekend Edition

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(All illustrations by the boy Sam Taylor)

All Hallows Even doth approach, and the only thing I fear is a lack of shareable, list-based content. Actually, that's a lie: I have a ton of fears, just that one is the main one. I mean, these aren't even half of them, in no particular order:

CONCISE LIST OF ALL THE THINGS I AM CURRENTLY SCARED OF, ACCURATE AS OF OCTOBER '16

— Being found out;
— Bridges;
— Heights in generally, but bridges are included in that still;
— I had a nightmare once where I was a kid and the curtains in my room – I had these heavy, deep red velvet-effect curtains, the kind you touch and they put every nerve in your body on edge, so they were kind of a horror already – and the curtains in my room contorted and folded their way into a huge terrible face, a lot like Zordon from 'Power Rangers' but mad at me, and the curtains just shouted at me for a bit, told me what a bad kid I was, why I was a disappointment, why I'd never amount to much of anything much at all, that I was just a pissy-pants baby, and honestly I've been wary of red and/or velvet effect curtains ever since, because can you really trust them;
— Dogs, which in my opinion are just tiny bustling sacks of muscle constantly primed and ready to execute a perfect vertical leap and bite me clean on the dick;
— Being sued for defamation by light entertainment quiz geniuses;
— Been really thinking about death a lot lately, like: the precise moment of death. Can you imagine those few last seconds before death, when you know it is coming – you are wheezing desperately at your last few lungfuls of air, your heart is going through its last ever beats, your brain is slowly blacking out at the edges, this is it, this is the end for you and you know you are dying? Can you imagine any greater fear? Any more panic a human being can experience? We all go through this. We all have to have it happen to us. But when I die, man. Man. I am really not looking forward to that;
— Undercooked egg whites;
— A lack of shareable list-based content;

So anyway, here's some shareable list-based content. Please share this. Please. I'm going to get found out soon. They are going to find me out. The more you share this, the more that day gets pushed back. Please. I have rent to pay. I have to eat. Please.

DON'T... ACTIVELY BUY SWEETS FOR CHILDREN

I'm not saying children are a sort of organised gang at the moment, but I do feel a lot that children are an organised gang at the moment, and if you drop £8 on supermarket special bumper bags of Haribo and hand them out cheerfully at your door then the child army shall mobilise, messaging each other through whatever apps kids use – Pokémon Go, or whatever – saying how they found an easy mark, sharing your address, putting your details on Club Penguin, and soon hordes of tiny humans in harrowing costumes will claw at your door demanding candies. Here's a thing: when was the last time you sorted out your spice cupboard properly? When was the last time you got in the back of your fridge and saw exactly how many bottles of ketchup you had? Halloween is the one way it's socially acceptable to palm these gifts – of chewy cardamom pods, of clumped Nando's salt, of half a bag of oats – off to children under the guise of holiday-motivated charity. Take full advantage.

DON'T... UPDATE FACEBOOK OR TWITTER WITH THE STATUS 'DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DRESS AS THIS WEEKEND – ANY IDEAS? SOMETHING CHEAP. HELP!'

Motherfucker: nobody knows what to dress as this weekend. Nobody has any ideas. Nobody wants to spend money or time on an adequate costume. They just want to go to the nearest house party they have been invited to on a Saturday night and get really, really drunk and then fingered by Dracula. Stop asking them to do your thinking for you and just go wrapped in a loo roll and say you are a mummy, just like everyone else.

DON'T... ACTUALLY QUEUE UP OUTSIDE A COSTUME SHOP, THOUGH

Don't know how this works in other parts of the country where the sensible people live, but in London on Halloween proper a fun thing to do is walk down to your nearest costume shop with a bag of chips and maybe some tins and just laugh and laugh and laugh at the people queued around the block outside, waiting desperately for hours for a go on the one-in, one-out system. There are bouncers on the doors of a costume shop for these people. We are talking about folks turning up at 4AM or camping like it's a Supreme drop. People getting legitimate kidney infections because they don't dare piss and lose their place. All just so they can, finally, dash into a store, look at the bereft shelves and, in a panic, drop £80 on a Penfold-from-Danger-Mouse costume that nobody at the party actually gets.

DO.... FUCKING COMMIT TO YOUR COSTUME

Three kinds of costume:

— Barely-be-arsed Dracula fangs-'n'-cape or a Frankenstein's Monster forehead and a load of hastily applied greasepaint; costumes that are so shoddy and half-there that I actually respect them;

— Tried really hard and it actually looks really good and cool, but also like, mate, you spent four weeks collecting cardboard from supermarket skips just to make a gigantic heart-eyes emoji, sort your life out;

— A snide costume-without-a-costume that fits the base parameters of a costume – a T-shirt with "Global Warming" written on it, or something; something bullshit like that – but that isn't actually a costume, it's just you pretending you're too good to dress up and have fun, and if you're too good to dress up and have fun then what is wrong with you.

DO... AT LEAST TRY TO WASH THE FAKE BLOOD FROM BEHIND YOUR EARS BEFORE YOU DO YOUR SUNDAY MORNING WALK OF SHAME

Halloween is actually underrated in terms of what it does to people's sexual freedom, and it's time we woke up to that. Like: you know how everyone is really down to fuck on New Year's Eve, because New Year New Me, and because they don't have work in the morning? Or: you know how kill-or-be-killed Tinder goes on Valentine's Day and the lead up to Valentine's Day? Halloween is like that: there's some sort of weird nationwide loss of inhibition because everything is literally dressed as an Other, and so mentally something eases round the gears a touch and you start acting like a different person – a better you, a more confident you – and, long story short, you just woke up in Lewisham, still in your cat eye contacts and with your arse cheeks glued together, and god, oh god: shamble out into the light with all the other up-with-the-cockerel just-shagged zombies and try to make it home before the sun truly rises and everyone can see clearly which strands of hair are clumped together with fake blood and which are bound with actual jizz.

DON'T HARSH ON THE SLUTS, MY GOD

"Oh, right, and what have you come as: a slutty cat? Yeah, real original" – you, dressed as Jon Snow with a scratchy mascara beard, propping up the corner of the kitchen at a house party where all the actual action is happening in the front room, bathroom and yard, and you are alone drinking the three cans of Foster's you bought yourself before going home for a horrible, lonely wank.

"You people know you don't have to dress as sluts, right! Why don't you dress as an inspirational woman, such as – – like Marie Curie, or something? The scientist!" — you, the guy who spent £35 on a cross-town Uber to a party you were only half invited to, and your costume of choice is "the same black jeans and black T-shirt you wear every day, only with a poundshop skull mask to accessorise", and everyone has done a cocaine order but very pointedly not asked you in on it because nobody even knows who you are but you keep putting Avenged Sevenfold on the Spotify playlist and saying to people "No, really listen to the notes."

"Heh: are sluts meant to be scary, or something?" – you, the person whose greatest fear is female sexual autonomy.

DON'T... DRESS AS ANYTHING NEWSWORTHY FROM 2016

It's 2AM and you're in the garden drinking a lukewarm can of Red Stripe watching Donald Trump wrestle Harambe to see who got the most "Heh, yeah! I totally get it! Who... who invited you?" comments at the party. You're better than this. We're all better than this.

DON'T CARVE A PUMPKIN INTO THE SHAPE OF SOMETHING THEN WEAR IT AS A HAT

Just breathing your own breath back in a weird, raw-smelling gourd prison. Weird vegetable moistness seeping into your face and neck. Seeds still getting everywhere, even though you got them all. It's hot in here, isn't it? Is anyone else hot? I'm taking the pumpkin off. Oh god. Oh god. It won't come— oh god. Oh god. SOMEONE GET A HAMMER BEFORE I SLAM MY HEAD AGAINST THIS TABLE—

DON'T... GO ADULT TRICK-OR-TREATING

I once answered the door to two 17-year-olds in shabby Reebok hoodies and over-the-head poundshop masks who gruffly said "trick or treat", and for some reason I didn't fear being stabbed to death that day so I said "do you have a trick", and they looked at each other silently – nothing quite so eerie as two motionless skull masks twisting in the dark towards each other, eyes blank beneath – then turned back to me and said "no". And I thought: I have never seen two more pathetic people in my life. Do not be those people. As soon as you can buy your own sweets without having to rely on pocket money, do not go trick or treating, even ironically.

DON'T... TRY TO COERCE ACTUAL PEOPLE INTO YOUR HALLOWEEN VIBE WHEN THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO QUIETLY GET HOME ON THE TUBE

Halloween is really fun when you're dressed as an undead cowboy and drinking six tins of Desperados on the train and all your mates are excited and full of fun and someone is passing a decorative pumpkin full of sweets and chocolate around, but it's absolute bullshit if you're just getting off a ten-hour shift and want to get home to watch Fright night X Factor without some cunt in a sheet jumping out at you and saying "boo!" when you're trying to top up your Oyster. Do not be that cunt.

PLEASE DON'T EXPLAIN WHAT YOUR DAY OF THE DEAD COSTUME MEANS, NOBODY CARES

Ah, you got that wedding dress from a "thrift store", did you? We don't use that term in this country, but OK. Oh right, your— your makeup took three hours to do, did it? Yes, it's very intricate. Mexican holiday celebrated throughout the country but particularly the south and central areas, is it? Cool. Good one. Good to know. All good... good information.

DON'T... FUCK A SMURF

Come on, man. Shouldn't even need to say this. Your sheets are going to look like one of those urinary pad commercials with the blue liquid, only it's not getting absorbed. It's not going away. You're going to have to burn those sheets, and maybe the mattress too. There is no way you can fuck someone in body paint without your landlord somehow taking £200 out of your deposit.

DON'T DO A NAIL BUMP OFF THOSE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK WITCH FINGERS YOU GOT OFF AMAZON, THAT IS HOW PEOPLE DIE

Come on, man. A&E already have enough of a time trying to tell who is actually bleeding and who is just covered in corn syrup. Don't make their night worse.

@joelgolby

More! Of! That! Hallowe'en! Good! Shit!

What to Wear This Halloween (if You Are Weird or a Moron)

Everyone You'll Meet at This Year's Halloween Parties

How Scared Should I Be of Teens on Halloween?

Remembering the Best Vines Ever Made Now That Twitter Has Killed Vine

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Maple - King of Vines forever and always. Credit.

This week, Twitter decided to close Vine down, at the same time as it announced it would be cutting 9% of its global staff. As all social media is steadily streamlined to become one long, lucrative advert for Strongbow, the outlets that aren't money makers inevitably fall by the wayside.

So the pointlessly, inexplicably funny shit; the shit that you can't sponsor; the inspirational shit that some Texan girl came up with, always, always, in the front seat of her SUV - that stuff has got to go.

In honour of Vine's passing, we asked some VICE writers what their all time favourite virtual-world 6 seconds are.

Writing about memes feels ridiculous. Once you point out The Thing, and then spend time explaining its punchline, you quickly turn into ... well, the "how do you do, fellow kids?" meme. But in the wake of Vine's death, I'm going to do it anyway. This six-second clip is perfection. We will never know who this man is, or why he's skipping along a New York street like a refreshed and perfectly formed deer, and I'm alright with that. Vine's usual absurdist humour collides with Carly Rae Jepsen's "Run Away with Me", the very same song that gave us the spinning sax seal and other not-as-good gags. Vines that don't nail the timing, that don't perfectly sync audio with video, are the ones you forget. This isn't one of them.

@tnm__

In the least creepy way possible, I think I have a crush on Gabriel Gundacker. But that's not the reason I picked him over endless loops of a seal with "Bounce It" by Juicy J playing in the background, or this vine giving all the life advice you'll ever need. I picked him mostly because I feel like he's a child of the internet, one of my ilk, and his vines are a direct expression of that. They are funny because they are made in that offbeat, self-aware way that only actually funny people manage to pull off. So in a platform that had a lot of gold, but also a lot of "THAT FEEL WHEN YOU CAN'T DAB LIKE PEPE THE FROG *cry laugh emoji*" stuff made by prepubescent suburban American teens, Gabriel Gundacker was making some weird as fuck political commentary. Mostly, though, he was making fun of himself and all the rest of us, and I can respect that. So he's my favourite. Him and this prairie dog.

@bijubelinky

Even though I deleted the Vine app from my phone, I'm sad at it's demise – like when a celebrity you don't really care about but like the vibe of dies. There were some things I didn't like about Vine, like the dawn of extremely easy and shit "relatable" comedy becoming insanely popular and inescapable, but I liked much more about it. Like any great, accessible medium, it offered an opportunity for people who don't quite have the right outlet to do their thing, to do their thing. This was certainly the case with Packin Swayze, who created a variety of characters perfectly suited to the six-second format, the best of which was his "white guy singing". Turn around and die, Donny don't you die – it's all gold. He also does a mean DMX impression.

@joe_bish

I mean, pretty much everything by Chris Melberger. Look, there's one of them above. All of my favourite Vine people are probably also on YouTube, but the sad thing is that YouTube videos have the power to make otherwise very funny Viners completely unfunny. So good bye forever, everyone.

@jamie_clifton


There are so many perfect examples of the form – the Turn Around And Die series, Mom I Peed On Myself, Charli XCX x Tish – but one of my favourite Vines ever only dropped four days ago: "Kicked too much". It's just so weird. What Viners always excelled at was i. doing a three-act play in six seconds flat, and ii. going to such surreal places you couldn't ever imagine comedy going without the app, and that's what makes Kicked Too Much so great. Like, who said to their mates, "Hey: let's make a Vine of Zach kicking, and us being like, 'Noooo, Zach!' and then, idk, the police literally point a gun at him at the end?" and then everyone, in perfect unison, said, "I completely understand and commit to this idea."

Like: how did the logistics of this perfect Vine even occur? Were the police in on it? Were they not? Is kicking an actual crime? Who is filming this from a distant four-storey building? I could watch this Vine a hundred more times and I'll never know. All this Vine provides is entertainment and infinite questions. It also proves, if nothing else, that the medium is still fresh as fuck and Twitter is being a bit previous getting rid of it. Bye, Vine. You were responsible for a lot of bad crap but also many moments of high, high genius.

@joelgolby


Today, on the day we honour Vine and all it provided, I would like to remember my favourite subset of the Vine community. For just as Vine gave bored art students a platform to make shitty stop-frame kaleidoscope animations, and Soulja Boy a chance to show off just how much he had in the way of cash and hoverboards, the app was also home to a particular breed of muscular, effeminate boys with voices like honey. Theirs was a world of six-seconds of singing so deeply sincere you'd probably throw up if you watched for too long.

This Vine, made by someone called Nick Pallauf, sort of crystallises everything that made this trend one of the most awful but bizarrely hypnotic things to have ever happened on the internet. Look at it. The six pack flash, the wink, the vest, the full High School Musical backing track, not to mention the aggressively cloying lyrics that in the space of six seconds go from zero to marriage proposal. It's like 50 years of boy-band culture, from the Beatles to the Backstreet Boys, distilled into an eternal, retina burning, spine-twistingly cringeworthy loop. So pour one out for the intense, creepy boy-singers of Vine tonight. They are dead now, free to become the angels we always knew they were. Nick Pallauf, Toby Randall, Andrew Bazzi, adieu.

@a_n_g_u_s

More on VICE:

Did This Kid Really Make a Vine While Stealing iPhones?

We Spoke to the Girl Who Got Dapper Laughs Banned from Her University

NSFW: This Vine of a Guy's Dick Falling Out to 'Work' Should Be the Official Video for 'Work'

M. Night Shyamalan Tries to Make Amends For His Garbage Movies in the New Trailer for Split

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Split
Are we ready to forgive M. Night Shyamalan for virtually all of his movies and give Split a chance? Defence presents Exhibit A: James McAvoy. Prosecution presents Exhibit B: James McAvoy in a tight turtleneck. Jury's out on this one for now.

Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life
Oh boy. Here it is. They're talking. They're definitely still talking.

Burn Country
Hmm at first I was like, I literally can't see what's happening in this trailer and I don't want to watch a movie about a strange man in a stranger town. BUT this trailer does an amazing job of building suspense and mood and next thing you know you're checking the release date and making a plan to watch James Franco play the country bumpkin version of his character in Spring Breakers, aka the role he was born to play.

Hollow Point
I am honestly terrified of John Leguizamo just on a normal day so seeing him as a jacked up cartel assassin is legitimately terrifying.

Paterson
Oh Adam Driver. I wish you hadn't killed Han Solo.

Follow Amil on Twitter.




We Asked Seniors What They Really Think About Millennials and Trump

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Hallandale Beach, Florida is just slightly north of Miami, and its race track, beaches, and casino are a practical oasis for senior citizens. In the latest episode of VICELAND's Balls Deep, Thomas Morton embedded himself in the town's Lake Point Towers, which provide residents a calming waterfront view and an ideal retreat into retirement.

Morton spent a relaxed week at the Towers playing bingo, going to the races, and meeting characters of all sorts; his guide was 77-year-old Bob Cantatore, Lake Point Towers's Condo Board President. Cantatore has a cream cheese-thick New York accent and a gregarious demeanor. Before becoming Condo Board President, he worked in construction in New York on projects such as the bicentennial cleanup of the Statue of Liberty—and inside Trump Tower, where he encountered the Donald himself long before he became a presidential candidate. After 58 years of marriage and a lifetime of experience, Cantatore and his 76-year-old wife Manny are still on the move as he deals with residents' queries, starts new community improvement associations, and constantly cracks jokes.

We spoke over the phone with Cantatore and his wife about life at Lake Point Towers, Thomas's entertaining visit, and their concerns regarding love and politics in modern society.

VICE: Describe a typical day for you at Lake Point.
Bob Cantatore: I'm 77 with buzzards flying around, but my everyday life is pretty busy at this age. I'm a president of a condo and I do a lot of stuff, especially since we have grandchildren and children in their 50s. I call them open stitches because they keep coming back. I really keep busy—right now, we are scooting around to the doctor's, because we gotta get these things done. My wife and I are always either babysitting or running around somewhere.
Manny Cantatore: Bob checks up on the residents in the morning between 9AM and 12PM. He's the president of the condo, so he deals with all the things that go with condo living—people coming down with rent, payments, and complaints. He's also a board member on the Hallandale Police Advisory Committee. He still keeps busy and out of the house, while I cook, clean, and take care of the children—still, at 76.

What's the best thing about Bob's job?
Manny: He's a people person. The condo has 208 unit owners and renters, and it's very family-oriented because he likes to joke around with the people and they love that. If someone doesn't say "Good morning" to him, he'll look under their face and make them say it—and then they smile and they're happy they did. That's the type of guy he is.
Bob: She's buttering me up, I hear the sugar coming. I base my life on a sense of humor.

What did you think of Thomas's experience in your community?
I spent seven days with him. We had a good time. We went to the track. We used to wake each other up in the morning. He's a perfect guy—the best man for the job, he really is. He knows how to get it out of you. He's interesting. We had a pool scene. I hope it really hits—I'm too old to go for an Oscar.

What would you say is the biggest difference between your generation and Thomas's?
Since I was 13 years old, I've been working. That's what you do if you commit and have kids. I get so freaking angry when I hear these kids talking. It annoys me. I mean, roll up your sleeves, holy Christ! Why can't you enjoy what you got, you know? I'm not talking about my daughter, and I'm not talking about you guys. It's these freakin' lazy bastard guys. They want their own life.

I feel bad for this young age, though. You're living in a world now that's tough. Cellphones, this phone, that phone, texting, smexting—every freakin' thing there is. My wife and I grew up in the 50s and we say we were better off growing up then than now. It's tough now for you. I feel bad for you, and I feel bad for my children. Your whole life is wrapped up into one thing. In our day, though, there was none of it. No cellphone. We actually had no television.
Manny: That's the big difference we find—it's not as family oriented as it was years ago. It's a different era. Times are changing. I keep saying to everybody, "Lie down for a minute. Take a deep breath." We were brought up so that you take care of who you gotta take care of, and we're still doing that. Maybe that's not the right thing, but I think it's the right thing. You can't beat a family that sticks together.

What are your thoughts on being a senior citizen in this day and age? Do you have any big concerns?
Bob: I feel like I'm still 45 years old. I'm not lying down, that's for sure. You know what's the matter, really? This Cheez Doodle. My son calls him, "Trump the Cheez Doodle." He looks like a Cheez Doodle. The concern I have is that he's making such a mockery out of the people and seniors and everybody by getting them scared stiff of what he can do. It's terrible. That man is really bad. If I got a concern, it's him. He's not going to go anywhere anyway, I know that—but I'm concerned about what happens after the election. He won't give up. He'll do something to make us get really bad.

I'm gonna tell you a fair story, kid. I was working in New York at Trump Tower in the 80s. He came in and I had my men on scaffolds, and all of a sudden I came in to check on my guys and they're not there anymore. I go to them and they say, "Oh, Trump told me to move it." I said, "Don't you ever listen to him. You listen to me." Then I saw him and I had it out with him. I said, "You don't pay me, my boss pays me, and I run the job the way I'm supposed to run the job. Don't tell me how to run my men."

All of a sudden, I get a call from my boss's office in Queens. I thought, Aw, here we go. My boss asked me to close the door, patted me on the back, and said, "Don't ever take shit from him. Thank you so much." I'm just trying to tell you what a man he is—and that doesn't frighten me. My wife and I, nothing really scares us.

Follow Misha Sesar on Twitter.

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