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Rob Ford Doesn't Know Anything About Football

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Mayor Rob Ford, performance art genius and Canada’s greatest embarrassment since this lady knows a lot of things.

He knows how to drink like a motherfucker, supposedly downing half a 40-ounce bottle of vodka before 9 PM during a legendary bender last St. Patrick’s Day that ended with the 320-pound mayor charging a dance floor with a bellyful of poutine and (allegedly) a nose full of cocaine.

He knows how to eat pussy, at least according to his public pronouncements, although the mayor’s wife has been suspiciously silent on that point since his braggadocios claim in one of the most unbelievably stupid press conferences in Canadian history on Nov. 14.

He knows how to please the people, with an approval rating hovering in the low 40s, and one-third of Toronto still likely to vote for him in the next election, even after months of headlines about the ridiculous shit he’s supposedly been up to while in office. This includes, but is not limited to: using crack cocaine and possibly heroin as well, hiring his buddies to work high-paying jobs on the taxpayers dime, and generally being the hard-partying, female-groping Van Wilder of Toronto City Hall. 

But I’ll tell you one thing: Rob Ford does not know shit about football.

No, Canada’s most famous NFL fan might wear his football tie to apologize to the city, but it’s all bullshit. I can prove it. The man-of-the-people shtick is wearing pretty old, Rob, especially when you’re a millionaire who doesn’t know his ass from an endzone.

On Thursday, the former offensive lineman from Scarlett Heights Collegiate Institute (one of the few positions in sports where being an overweight man is actually an advantage) was on 106.7 The Fan in Washington, D.C. to talk about his love of the game, why the Washington Redskins’ racist name isn’t actually racist, and how the fuck he’s still in office when everyone he works with hates him.

“I’m a football fanatic,” the mayor said. “I played years and years of football. I coached for 22 years. I love the game.”

The mayor proudly said he keeps numerous footballs and jerseys from a bunch of teams in his office. Which is weird because he appears to not watch NFL football on TV, which he inadvertently revealed when the braying hosts of The Sports Junkies (fill in your own joke here) asked Ford to make some picks for the NFL games this weekend.

Now, picking a winner in a sports game is inherently difficult. In the NFL, where most teams are evenly balanced because of the salary cap and even a superstar is just one of 22 men on the field, it’s even harder. But a rhesus monkey, even a pretty stupid one, could pick better NFL outcomes this weekend. Let’s break it down.


Pierre Garcon of the Redskins. via Flickr.

Washington Redskins (3-9) over Kansas City Chiefs (9-3)
Let’s start with Rob Ford’s dumbest pick. Even though he was talking to a Washington radio show, Ford picking the Redskins over the Chiefs is lunacy. The Redskins quarterback can barely walk and the rest of the team sucks. The Chiefs are pretty good and they’ve lost as many games as the Redskins have won. Ford also said the Redskins name wasn’t racist, which it totally is.

Stupidity of pick: Adam Sandler in The Waterboy.
 


The Buffalo Bills at their futile training camp. via Flickr.

Buffalo Bills (4-8) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-9)
A team cursed by God, versus a team coached by an asshole that thinks he’s God. This one is actually a pretty close call—but in the end, as everyone knows, God hates Buffalo. Plus, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers have a super badass pirate ship that fires off cannons when they score.

Stupidity of pick: Adam Sandler in Grown-ups.
 


Punt on, Andy Lee. via Flickr.

San Francisco 49ers (8-4) over Seattle Seahawks (11-1)
The Seattle Seahawks are by far the best team in the NFL right now, hugely skilled at nearly every position, and are coming off an absolute stomping of the New Orleans Saints on Monday night—in what was supposed to be a close game. Last time the 49ers played the Seahawks, the final score was 29-3 for Seattle. Note: Gamblers in Vegas think this one will be close, so apparently gamblers in Vegas are idiots too.

Stupidity of pick: Adam Sandler in Billy Madison.
 


The unstoppable Colts at work. via Flickr.

Indianapolis Colts (8-4) over Cincinatti Bengals (8-4)
The Colts have one good player, whereas the Cincinnati Bengals have a ton of awesome players, including coolest-name-in-the-NFL: Vontaze Burfict. What is Rob Ford smoking? Oh right, crack cocaine.

Stupidity of pick: Adam Sandler in Little Nicky

It doesn’t appear that Rob Ford has the football know-how to make even somewhat plausible predictions on NFL games, but to make matters worse for the alleged pigskin die-hard, his football failures extend far beyond the dominion of the NFL. Case in point: the Don Bosco Eagles, the high school football team Rob Ford so proudly coached until he was unceremoniously ejected in the midst of his ongoing crack-fuelled scandal, won their second straight Catholic High School Football Championship last week without the help of coach Robbie. The team lost the Metro Bowl last year under the guidance of ol’ Rob—a game that was, according to the Toronto Star, in “shambles from the start.” Also, check out this list of awful football picks the mayor made in week three, where he went 2/11 against the spread. Nice going, coach.

I’ve been playing and watching football for 20 years and it’s obvious that Rob Ford is not a knowledgeable football fan ain’t one of them. The crack-smoking mayor doesn’t seem to do much at his day job, and he’s obviously not watching football on Sundays, so what exactly does that guy do all day?

Anyway, check back on Monday to see if I look like an asshole if and when any of these ignorant guesses from a football poseur pan out.

Peter Henderson was a member of two championship-winning football teams in high school. One time he scored a safety.


The VICE Guide to Newcastle: The Newest Fan of Newcastle United

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After we got our bearings in Newcastle, we figured the first scene to immerse ourselves in might as well be that of the fanatics who support the poorly performing local football (or, soccer, as they say here) team: Newcastle United. So, in true Geordie fashion, we packed into the city's best football pub on match day where Newcastle United took on Liverpool--while doing our best to blend in. We even got Adam a fancy new vintage Alan Shearer jersey, and you all know how important Alan Shearer is to Newcastle right? Either way, check this out and learn all you need to know about the die-hard love that Newcastle has for their lovably unreliable football club.

New York State of Mind: Kicking It with Bebe Panthere in Brooklyn

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Hip-hop is having a renaissance right now in the city of New York, where it seems like every other day a new MC rises up out of the five boroughs with an even more unique style and approach to the music than what we thought was possible before. Motley crews like the A$AP Mob, the Beast Coast, and World's Fair have given us a reason to love rhymes again. We've written a lot about this stuff, but sometimes words don't do it justice. So, we've linked up with scene insider Verena Stefanie Grotto to document the new New York movement as it happens in real time, with intimate shots of rappers, scenesters, artists, and fashion fiends.

This week Verena spent a day with upcoming artist Bebe Panthere  in Brooklyn. She's one half of Blasian, a new project with rapper Fat Tony. Look for new music coming from her soon. 

Photographer Verena Stefanie was born and bred in Bassano del Grappa, Italy. The small town is not known for hip-hop, but they do make a very tasty grape-based pomace brandy there called grappa. Stefanie left Bassano del Grappa at the age of 17 to go and live the wild skateboarding life in Barcelona, Spain, where she worked as the Fashion Coordinator for VICE Spain. Tired of guiding photographers to catch the best shots, she eventually grabbed the camera herself and is now devoted to documenting artists, rappers, style-heads, and more. She recently directed a renowned documentary about the Grime scene in UK and has had photo features in GQ, Cosmopolitan, VICE, and many more. 

Check out her website and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

@VerenaStefanie

Previously - Double Trouble in Little China

This Week in Racism: The Most Racist Comments About Nelson Mandela

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Photo via Flickr User South Africa The Good News

Welcome to a special Nelson Mandela edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of 1 to RACIST, with “1” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

-When a world leader dies, people tend to drop their partisan disagreements and find a way to honor the accomplishments of the deceased. In America, when a president dies, all sitting and former presidents are expected to attend the funeral. Ideally, the deaths of heads of state should bring people together to recognize the common bonds of a nation, or a world.

That respect doesn't always trickle down to average citizens. If Twitter had existed in 1994 when Richard Nixon died, chances are that a gaggle of assholes would have gotten together to say something shitty about Tricky Dick's demise. It's the nature of the medium that people try to out-douche each other on the regular. As such, it is no surprise that a small segment of the internet thought it'd be OK to be racist to mark the occasion of former South African President Nelson Mandela's death. I mean, who can resist such a fantastic opportunity to reveal just how horrible you actually are? This is like the Super Bowl for shitty people. As with the Super Bowl and the movie Highlander, there can be only one winner. Let's see who really took this opportunity and ran with it. 

-Leave it to the readers of the intellectually stimulating Fox Nation website to open up this contest strong and deliver what might be a DEVASTATING blow of racial prejudice right out of the gate. The comments have been disabled on the Mandela obit article, but a blog called Newshounds took screenshots of some of the epic idiocy.

Instead of getting rid of your comment section, maybe next time just hire someone (preferably a natural born American citizen. This is Fox Nation, after all) to write fake comments like, "What a fine obituary," "We'll miss you, Nelly," or "Holler at me if you love black folks!" RACIST

-The editor of WorldNetDaily, Joseph Farah, thinks the real racist was Mandela.

"Apartheid was inarguably an evil and unjustifiable system. But so is the system Mandela’s revolution brought about – one in which anti-white racism is so strong today that a prominent genocide watchdog group has labeled the current situation a “precursor” to the deliberate, systematic elimination of the race.

In other words, the world has been sold a bill of goods about Mandela. He wasn’t the saintly character portrayed by Morgan Freeman. He wasn’t someone fighting for racial equality. He was the leader of a violent, Communist revolution that has nearly succeeded in all of its grisly horror...

Today, in South Africa’s white population of 4 million, 1 million live in utter poverty.

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss."

Singling out "white poverty" in a country like South Africa is ridiculous, because South Africa is a ridiculously poor nation with a white population that is less than 10 percent according to recent census data. A South African government study reported on by Sky News in 2012 found that white South Africans still make six times more than their black counterparts. The same study found that two-thirds of the country's youth live in households where the per capita income is about $77 a month. South Africa is overwhelmingly black. You would assume that would happen in a country in... Africa. The concern Mr. Farah has would be better placed with the entirety of South Africa's poor, rather than just white people. I could call his comment "race baiting," but I'll pass. RACIST

-Blogs are great, but everyone knows that Twitter is the best place to find loony folks who love to say awful things about dead famous people. As such, I dedicate this week's most racist tweets to those brave souls who threw caution (and decorum) to the wind in order to make as many people mad as possible. Congrats! 

The Most Racist Nelson Mandela Death Tweets:

 

A Few Impressions: Ambigu-Gus Van Sant

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Image from Gus Van Sant's Milk

Gus Van Sant’s first film to be released in theaters was Mala Noche (1985), based on the memoir of the same title by Portland poet Walt Curtis. It depicts Walt as a gay convenience-store employee attracted to a Mexican migrant worker. His most recent film, Milk (2008), portrays the life of gay activist,politician,and martyr Harvey Milk. (I played Harvey’s partner, Scott Smith.) Van Sant has made 11 feature films and a dozen shorts and music videos between these two movies,  but only one other feature and one short—My Own Private Idaho (1991) and his segment from ParisJe T’Aime,Le Marais,” (2006)center on gay characters and themes. Despite this lack of explicitly gay-themed films, Van Sant is hailed as one of the foremost gay directors working today. Part of this reputation undoubtedly derives from a desire to claim his high quality and original films for the gay community simply because he is a gay filmmaker. But there is another side to Van Sant’s oeuvre that is neither gay nor straight but subversively queer in its ambiguity. Van Sant inserts this queer sensibility in both gay and straight narratives that then de-centers any clear kind of sexual identity for his work as a whole.

Van Sant’s films embrace both classic Hollywood archetypes and queer cinema styles,usually set in his hometown of Portland, to create a unique amalgamation of trashy-chic timelessness. His characters and themes undermine the notion of fixed identities, experiences, and themes. At his queer best, Van Sant usually is dealing with young people, and seems primarily interested in the young white male: his sexual desires, his talents, but primarily the social pressures upon him. Often his characters are freighted with heavy emotional, economic, or addiction burdens—but they hardly ever struggle with identity. The characters are relaxed about who they are because they are almost invariably cool. Van Sant’s aesthetic is confidently queer in its refusal to categorize, in its overarching hipness of look and subject matter that is both in your face and elusive.

The exceptions among Van Sant’s characters are found in his first two films, Mala Noche and My Own Private Idaho, and MilkThese films are centered on gay identity and the struggles that come with that identity. Milk follows Harvey Milk’s political career in San Francisco in the 70s, and Van Sant presents identity politics as they were at the time. One of Harvey Milk’s strategies was to have people in the community come out in order to raise awareness and sympathy for gay causes. There is even a scene where one of Milk’s young cabinet members is pressured at a meeting to come out to his parents. This kind of explicit identification, anomalous to Van Sant’s greater body of work, is due to a loyal representation of the historical tactics of Harvey Milk. In Mala Noche, the gay protagonist, Walt, is irrepressibly in pursuit of a younger Mexican man, Johnny, but there is hardly any friction in the film over Walt’s sexual identity. Johnny rejects Walt because he “doesn’t sleep with queers,” but this hardly seems like the issue. After Johnny rejects him, Walt ends up sleeping with Johnny’s roommate, Roberto,who violently sodomizes him. This is the titular “bad night.” But the next day Walt is all smiles as he walks down the street, declaring in his voiceover:

“Though I was upset that I had been fucked,violated,and lost the money too,for a few moments thinking about it in the morning of the Mexicans gloating over having fucked the gringo puto and got his money too, talking about it and laughing, my ass sore. And the more I think about it the more I know I asked for a reckless evening.”

He may be disappointed in love,but it has nothing to do with identity insecurities. Even Johnny’s professed hatred of “faggots” is undermined by the suggestion that he is gay himself:

“He lives with nine or ten brothers. Maybe when they’re making love they can think about Roberto having fucked me. Roberto’s cock fucks Johnny fucked me, that’s about as close to Johnny I’ll ever get, unless I had the money, poor boys never win.”

Walt is completely confident in his sexuality as he calmly comments on Johnny and Roberto.None of Johnny’s lashes against homosexuality even carry any power because Johnny is the original prototype of Van Sant’s androgynous young man.

Following Mala Noche there are hardly any mature gay characters that pine after the ubiquitous young androgynous men, but the films themselves capture these young males in such a way that the adoration is still felt. The exception to this might be Milk,in which Harvey Milk carries out two relationships with younger men, but in these cases there are absolutely no issues regarding the sexuality of the partners. The relationships are presented like any straight relationship might be captured in a mainstream Hollywood film. The other factor that stands out about these two relationships compared with those in Van Sant’s other work is the attention paid to physical interaction. Granted, the sexual content in Milk is tame next to most films, but Van Sant’s sex scenes,same-sex or otherwise,are usually highly stylized and obscured. In Milk Van Sant lingers on the kissing, which is portrayed as sweet and romantic, rather than passionate. This portrayal of gay romance is akin to representations of gay lifestyles of the time as seen in Rob Epstein’s documentary from the 80s, The Times of Harvey Milkand his earlier project, The Word Is Out, where the sex is either elided or presented as close to heterosexual depictions as possible.

The stylized sex scenes begin with Mala Noche and continue through Milk, although they find their most frank expression in the latter. The eponymous scene of Mala Noche is shot in quick cuts and very dark lighting full of shadows that obscure most of the action. One of the actors was only willing to do the sex scene if his naked body didn’t touch another man’s naked body,which must have contributed to the parameters for shooting the scene. The result is a highly fractured and impressionistic scene that hardly celebrates same gender sex. Van Sant’s subsequent outing, Drugstore Cowboy (1989), has no sexual content as it is replaced by the sensuality of narcotic injections. His next film, My Own Private Idaho introduces the first highly stylized sex scenes in Van Sant’s oeuvre suggesting that the stylization is in fact deliberate and not necessarily due to the performance restrictions imposed by the actors. In all of the sex scenes the fairly naturalistic style of the movie is interrupted by montages. It suggests a frozen moment with life underneath. There is beauty without any of the squeamishness of explicitly depicted sex, almost like a painting or sculpture that points to an ideal without the messiness of the carnal. This was a deliberate choice by Van Sant but it is curious that in the one sex scene with River Phoenix, he is not nude like the other actors but wears a pair of bright pink shorts. This is because Phoenix, 20 years old at the time, had promised his mother that he wouldn’t get nude for the role. Regardless, Phoenix’s pink shorts are incredibly conspicuous and point to another possible factor for how Van Sant’s stylizes his sex scenes: the actors are too young to engage in them. 

In To Die For (1995)Elephant (2003)and Paranoid Park (2007) sex scenes are suggested but the actors are again too young to act them out explicitly, and the scenes are thus forced into an elliptical framing. To Die For features another older/younger sexual interaction,and although it is a heterosexual coupling between characters played by Joaquin Phoenix and Nicole Kidman,it also shows sex as a manipulative gesture from Kidman’s character, completely devoid of emotion. To convince the younger man to murder her husband, Kidman’s character gives Phoenix’s character a blowjob, performed offscreen. In Elephant, Van Sant makes the interesting choice to make the killers lovers. Immediately before we see the two teenage boys massacre their fellow high school students,they shower together, and it is suggested that they kiss. The shot is wide and the boys are only seen chest up through the frosted shower door. Their heads align and move as if they were kissing. (The actors actually never kissed; they just moved their heads in such a way to suggest they were kissing.) The same situation is true for the sex scene in Paranoid Park where the young man and young woman both lose their virginities. Van San shoots them in extreme close-up,because they were too young to be filmed with their clothes off. Thus, the scenes all feel austere and distant. The sex between young characters is either idealized as in My Own Private Idahoor it is distant and cold as it is in Paranoid Park, or it is a strange combination of the two as in Elephantwhere the boys are allegedly allowed to engage in desires that were formerly repressed, presumably a liberating sensation, although the affection is muted by the shot composition.

Because the sex scenes are always so cold or obscured,they strip the sexual interactions of their sexual charges creating a queer kind of ambiguity. Van Sant has stated that he intended Elephant to be a compilation of all possible factors that contributed to the Columbine massacre including video games, bullying, and neglectful parenting. All these things were written about Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold after the Columbine massacre, but the killers’ being gay was never mentioned, let alone cited as a motivation for the killing. Van Sant claims that he included a kissing scene in the shower because the characters suddenly felt uninhibited because they knew they were going to die. Thus these otherwise “straight”-seeming boys were not only picked on for being uncool,but were sexually isolated as well. Here, because Van Sant has included this unusual and distinct moment, the killing is no longer just a recreation of the Columbine killing; it is also a violent expression of the sexually repressed queer striking back. Similar to the violent expression of the protagonist in Monsterthese killings aren’t just journalistic recreations of actual events; they are extreme expressions of repression fighting back. But the kissing scene in the shower is so brief and difficult to engage with it can’t be cited as the main motivation for the killing, it is just one of many possible motivations. Thus, the repression and pressure on these boys that is revealed in this moment is tied to other queer pressures in other films. 

Paranoid Park continues this line of ambiguous queerness filtered through an ostensibly heterosexual suburban boy’s experience. To achieve the same kind of repressive pressure that weighs on all his young protagonists, this boy Alex (played by Gabe Nevins) is accidentally involved in the death of a man. The secret of his involvement stands in for other secrets. The movie is couched in a narration that is ostensibly Alex’s journal writings,which are all about the murder, and the audience is privy to his secret life and thoughts through this device,and the overarching tension of the film rides on his potential “coming out”— where he is either caught or admits his crime. This tension then infuses the rest of Alex’s activities with great pressure. The film is hardly concerned with the crime as much as it is with Alex’s reaction to the crime and the resulting emotions, which are felicitously close to those that any young queer person might feel in a heteronormative high school where every guy is supposed to want to have sex with the cheerleaders. 

The androgynous young male is a motif that runs through all the films and allows Van Sant to deal with queer themes in what are often seemingly heteronormative narratives.These androgynous young characters become more prominent and more significant post-Good Will Hunting.After the huge critical and financial success of that film, released in 1997Van Sant redid Hitchcock’s Psycho (1998) and then made Finding Forrester (2000). Forrester was a decidedly nonsexual take on the older male/younger male mentor relationship found between Scott, the Hal character and Bob, the Falstaff character in My Own Private Idaho and the therapist/patient relationship between Robin Williams character and Matt Damon’s character in Good Will Hunting. The original Psycho provided the prototype for all queer serial killers of the past fifty years, and Van Sant’s Norman Bates is certainly queer, but not the ambiguous androgynous young queers that he does to perfection. 

Van Sant is characterized as a gay filmmaker because he is an out filmmaker,but his films are anything but gay films.Van Sant is less interested in the sexual identity of his characters than he is in a more universal queering of his characters.His young androgynous men cross all borders of sexual identification: they identify as straight and gay,but underneath the surface they also cross borders of sexual signification. There is no way to pin them down and thus they are queer and subversive,rather than gay and categorized.  But more than that they are inevitably fashionable and hip. These characters are undeniably attractive so that their queerness is even more disarming. They have the aesthetic of the streets and of the downtrodden and of the young. They are the vessels of Van Sant’s ambiguity. 

More James Franco on VICE:

Universalizing Art: 'The Disaster Artist' and 'The Room'

 

Art Gallery: Photographing People Once They've Left a Work State-of-Mind

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Massimo Vitali works at documenting people who are not at work. He photographs places where people go to be as mentally removed from their jobs and daily lives as possible—people who have clearly crossed the line that separates the work side of their life from the recreation or play side.

Massimo, 69, grew up in Italy, studied photography in London and has now returned to Italy. Since 1994, he has been taking large format photographs of exotic places where groups of people congregate to communally share in ritualistic leisure activities.

His photographs (6’ x 8’ or larger) have the power to evoke the intense primal emotions humans feel whenever they are mentally awakened by new sensory experiences.

When we step onto a beach and smell the ocean we feel cleansed and revitalized. When we make our way through the crowd at an outdoor festival or silently walk through fresh snow we feel reborn, and open to new possibilities. Standing before these photos in an exhibition, the first thought that comes to mind is, I wish I could be there.

I spoke with Massimo last week as he was making plans to come to New York for his new exhibition.

VICE: Your work could be called portraits or landscapes or documents. How would you describe them?
Massimo Vitali: I could agree on all three. They are certainly landscapes, they are certainly portraits and they are historical documents because they portray the way we live. (In my photos) I’m trying to get clues of our existence. The idea is that there’s a lot of stuff to look at, a lot of details so that the people who are looking at the photographs have the possibility to make up their own stories.

You must collaborate when looking at my pictures—you must put yourself into the picture and try to invent your own stories.

You were working for many years- both as a photojournalist and a camera operator on films- before you began taking the photos you are known for. Why did you shift your focus?
“I was turning 50 and I thought it was the right time to do something or just give it up. I started doing some experiments and one of them worked out well.

In the early 90’s it was a turning point in photography, the Dusseldorf School, the New American Photographers, these things were happening. I didn’t mean it but in a way you feel these changes happening around you and by a coincidence

I started doing these pictures on a beach. I thought they looked ok but everybody told me, “Ugh, forget it, nobody takes photos like that but I kept doing it and it worked out. So I started a whole new life in a way.

If someone asks you what you do, how do you describe yourself: artist or photographer?
I just say I’m a photographer; I like the manualities and the equalities connected with photography. But today if you are a photographer, it doesn’t mean much. I was just reading that there are 1 billion, 400 million photographs taken every day.

I read that since 1994, you’ve only shot 2200 photographs or negatives.
That was a few years ago. Today the number is up to 4800 negatives which is a number that a fashion photographer normally shoots in two days. Even when I shoot digital I use the same restraint. It all started because with large format, a sheet of film, developing and a contact print costs about $100 a shot so if you go out for a day it’s easy to spend $1000!

What kind of camera are you using?
I use an 8 x 10 Phillips, which was very fashionable at one point because it’s light and an 11 x 14 Deardorff. This camera uses an 11 x 14 inch sheet of film. The minimum order for this film now is $12,000. And then I use digital—it took me maybe three years to get a good digital picture. I use a phase one back on an Alpa on which you can tilt the front lens- I use it like a play camera. There are now two pictures that are digital straight from the file just like my film pictures are straight from the negative. I don’t scan or retouch—they just put the negative in the enlarger and the paper on the wall. I use commercial labs. I don’t think you should get too fancy with the labs. I think you should do the easiest possible, the most natural form of photography, because what I’m interested in is beyond that. 

How many days do you shoot each year?
We go around a few weeks in summer, maybe we do a project in winter, so normally I actually shoot about five to six weeks a year but that takes a lot of preparation; it takes a lot of work to be able to shoot for six weeks. We go to places we have gone before. We don’t explore. In the 90s you could actually go around anywhere and take pictures, now you have to ask permissions, you have to pay, it’s complicated. Everything has to be super planned and nothing is free anymore. In a matter of 20 years everything has changed dramatically.

Are these trips a vacation for you or work?
It’s not a vacation and it’s not work. If I go to these places for holiday and sit on a beach with a book or the iPad, it’s boring but if I go there to take pictures and I have to think. I look at everything, I follow things, I have these strange fantasies about what people do, what people think, how they move.  This way of watching the people makes my days very enjoyable and fruitful.  If I wasn’t doing this I could be a really bored old man who’s not doing anything

Massimo Vitali’s new exhibition opens Dec 12, 2013 and runs through Feb 1, 2013 at Bonni Benrubi Gallery in New York. 

Oil Giant SWN Is Suspending Its Work in New Brunswick After Nationwide Protests

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The anti-SWN demonstration in Toronto. Photo by the author.

Harsh opposition to Texas energy firm SWN spread throughout Canada this week. Demonstrations popped up across the country in solidarity with protests in New Brunswick that resulted in a brutal RCMP response. The militarized police force has been enforcing a court ordered injunction to protect the company's natural gas exploration on unceded native land. An international call to action came from Idle No More and Elsipogtog First Nation using the hashtag #SHUTDOWNCANADA. The call was answered by roadblocks, banner drops and solidarity protests in Vancouver, Victoria, Winnipeg, Toronto, Hamilton, Montreal and even Ireland on December 2nd. Evidently, these movements have done something to stir SWN—as the company announced today they’d be shutting down all operations in New Brunswick until 2015.

The company had been conducting seismic testing for natural gas deposits on traditional Mi’kmaq land, a process that would more than likely lead to a lucrative new method of natural gas extraction known as hydraulic fracturing, endearingly euphemized as fracking. The method involves a secret blend of pressurized toxic, radioactive and carcinogenic chemicals mixed with millions of litres of water and sand pumped two to three kilometres underground, to fracture shale rock containing previously unreachable natural gas reserves. Obviously the main risk associated with injecting toxic chemicals deep into the earth would be ground water contamination, which has already been well documented. Other unforeseen risks include earthquakes, long-term energy sustainability, emissions of methane (a green house gas vastly more potent than co2), and apparently gonorrhea.

In Quebec, where a fracking moratorium has been in place since 2011, one woman was nearly run over by a motorist who accelerated though a crowd at a solidarity blockade in a busy Montreal intersection. Bans and moratoriums on fracking have been all around the world.
 


The blockade in Vancouver. via Warrior Publications.

This week, the main road into the Port of Vancouver was blocked by a local activist group in a solidarity action at 7 AM and was held for an hour until a large police force was mobilized and dispersed the crowd. The Vancouver activists issued this media statement:

"The HWY 11 Land Defenders have faced brutal police repression from the RCMP defending their traditional lands and waters from the destructive practice of fracking. SWN resources, the Texas-based company that wants to conduct seismic testing on Mi’kmaq land, is seeking to extend an injunction against the HWY 11 encampment, to be enforced with the aid of the RCMP. Time and time again we have seen the RCMP act violently to defend environmental destruction at the command of corporations. Their actions violate the sovereignty of indigenous peoples, and re-affirm Canada as an unrelenting colonial state.

We condemn fracking, which has earned its shameful reputation poisoning water and boosting carbon emissions around the world. We decry the brutality of the RCMP response, and their ongoing collusion with corporate interests. We stand in solidarity with Land Defenders everywhere - from the Mi’kmaq in New Brunswick to the Unis’tot’en in British Columbia - who are fighting rampant and reckless resource extraction, which is the face of modern colonialism. We denounce the assertion that this destruction and the associated corruption, deceit, and violence are necessary. And today we shut down a key piece of the infrastructure of this ideological machine. #ShutDownCanada"

Tensions have been on the rise between SWN and activists in New Brunswick for months now, leading to a court ordered injunction on November 22nd designed to keep protestors away from SWN's seismic testing work. Despite the injunction and an RCMP highway checkpoint, protestors have still been intercepting SWN's seismic testing resulting in countless arrests of activists and journalists. In court, SWN argued that each day they cannot conduct testing it costs the company $54,000.

SWN has been granted licenses to search for natural gas on over one million hectares of the province (one seventh of the provinces land mass) in exchange for a $47 million dollar investment in the province. It should come as no surprise that the RCMP is being touted as an impromptu security force for the Texan energy corporation.

The coast-to-coast opposition is illustrative of a much larger and growing discontent shared by Canadians regarding the green light that the federal and many provincial governments have granted extraction-hungry energy firms. PM Steven Harper's deregulatory "budget" bill C-45 and the gutting of the Navigable Water Protection Act have effectively dismantled aboriginal treaty land rights and environmental protection for the vast majority of lakes and rivers in Canada. The door is now open for petroleum (tar sands) and natural gas companies like SWN to operate under a fraction of the environmental red tape and land restrictions that had been in place for decades.

Finding Herpes and Cocaine in the Antwerp Public Library

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Scientists at the Catholic University of Leuven tested ten of the most popular books at the Antwerp library for microbes and bacteria. What did they find?

Herpes and cocaine. 

Every title—including erotic novel 50 Shades of Grey by English writer E.L. James—tested positive for cocaine, while other titles had traces of herpes simplex virus 1, which is associated with cold sores. Microbiology professor Johan Van Eldere’s lab tested the books for herpes and toxicology professor Jan Tytgat’s lab tested them for cocaine and THC. In no cases was THC found.

The books included Belgian detective writer Pieter Aspe’s Tango andDimitri Verhulst’s Flemish bestseller The Misfortunates. Even children’s books, like the Jommeke comic strip, tested positive for cocaine.

Why is there so much cocaine in Antwerp? There is a ton of drug trafficking at the seaport, which made news last month when traffickers fused forces with hackers. Antwerp is the second largest city in Belgium after Brussels with a population of about 512,000.

While the levels are too low to be harmful to those leafing through the books, they had roughly 25 to 40 percent more bacteria than the less-popular books. Still, if even the smallest trace of cocaine is found—let’s say an athlete gets a urine test by the World Anti-Doping Agency—they will be condemned, Professor Tytgat said. 

We wanted to get some more details, so we gave him a call and he explained the toxicological intricacies and how libraries need a sanitation blast.

VICE: Why was the Antwerp library chosen for the experiment?
Jan Tytgat:
Based on the size of the city and the fact that a lot of drug trafficking is taking place there.

How did it work? Would you borrow books and test their pages and the cover? What were the titles?
The books were collected from the shelves in the library, then wrapped in a sterile plastic bag; next they were transported to the university of Leuven for microbiology tests (with my colleague Johan Van Eldere) and toxicology tests (my team). Among the titles were 50 Shades of Grey, children’s comics (Jommeke, which is very popular here in Belgium) and thrillers. We focused on the covers.

Were the traces of cocaine found in the cracks of the books, the covers or the page corners?
Cocaine was found on the (plain) covers. We didn’t check individual pages in the book.

In what cases were THC found?
None, which was a surprise to me.

All top ten borrowed titles tested positive for traces of cocaine—even a children’s book. Were you surprised by the findings?
Yes, with this remark that “contamination” cannot be excluded, ie when books return to the library they are piled up on each other. This is sufficient to leave a mark.

You have said: today’s testing methods are so sensitive that traces of the drug originating from a contaminated book will be found in your hair, blood and urine. In what cases is this dangerous?
In no case this is dangerous; we have to emphasize this. The concentrations of cocaine—but also traces of micro-organisms—are so low, that it still can be considered as safe. 

Would people who read a book with cocaine in it test positive for cocaine use?
I have no evidence to state “yes,” but I cannot exclude this either. It all depends on the frequency and dose of getting exposed to such a contaminated book. One concern I have is for instance the zero-tolerance policy which WADA World Anti-Doping Agency) adopts for cocaine (in urine). Modern toxicologists are capable of measuring incredibly sensitively, such that the needle in the haystack can be found. Imagine an athlete whose urine is positive for cocaine, albeit a minute concentration, i.e. a mere trace, not more, on the basis of which one can argue that there is no evidence to imagine a pharmacological or toxicological effect on the human body, and hence no effect on the physical performance. Yet, WADA will condemn such athlete… My proposal as scientist and forensic toxicologist is be that WADA starts working with a so-called “cut off” level for cocaine in urine. This means a value that is “high enough” such that one can be 100 percent certain. A concentration below the ‘cut off’ value is considered as negative, and vice versa. You can compare this with a legal limit for alcohol and driving under influence.

<img alt="" src="http://assets.vice.com/content-images/contentimage/126012/Antwerp3.jpg" data-cke-saved-src="http://assets.vice.com/content-images/contentimage/126012/Antwerp3.jpg" ;="" width:="" 640px;="" height:="" 429px;"=""></p> <p> <strong>What was the lesson here in learning about library sanitation? Will new procedures be implemented?</strong><br> It remains worthwhile going to the library and reading books, for your intellectual development! One can suggest a good hygiene, ie, washing ones hands regularly. But having said this, one should also realize that the moment one leaves the library and is touching door handles, money, shaking hands with each other, etc., such encounter will be sufficient for a … novel exposure. And after all, too much hygiene isn’t good either for our health: starting to live with gloves isn’t a good idea, knowing that a certain challenge for our immune system is also beneficial.</p> <p> <strong>Did you test the library version of the Bible or will you in the near future?</strong><br> Very good proposal and suggestion; no we didn’t thus far, but eager to do so…</p> <!--{cke_protected}{C}%3C!%2D%2Drecommended%2D%2D%3E--><p></p>


Meet the Robots Battling to Become the Future of Disaster Response

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Meet the Robots Battling to Become the Future of Disaster Response

Outsider Scientists Are Trying to Figure Out the Universe

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Photo via Wikipedia Creative Commons

The secrets of the universe have all been figured out, thanks to a guy who owns a trailer park in Washington.

Jim Carter has discovered what he says explains, well, everything. He’s a member of a community known as outsider scientists— experimenters and casual academics who make their own observations, write their own papers, and create and dispute theories outside of the realm of mainstream science. Jim is the co-founder of the Natural Philosophy Alliance, an organization that seeks to “provide worldwide forums for expression and discussion of diverse scientific theories.” 

Previously an abalone diver, meteorite hunter, gold miner, and inventor, Jim has developed a theory that everything in the universe is made up of tiny, interlocking spirals of inertial mass that he terms “circlons.” I’m tentative to call it a theory, because he doesn't; he considers circlons to be a principle, to be just the way things are. And they’re the way all things are. Circlon movement explains everything from cosmic rays to UFOs to the Big Bang. The mechanical movement of these “knotted things that can be compared with either smoke rings or knotted springs” would, if true, replace all of quantum mechanics.

He also writes that gravity is caused by the expansion of the universe, and titled his 1970 book Gravity Does Not Exist (later editions changed it to Gravitation Does Not Exist.) That's difficult to accept. Sure, lots of scientific theories are proven and disproven as time passes, but it’s hard to counter gravity. But he’s doing it anyway: he says that gravity points up, that attraction does not exist, and that it’s all merely the third dimension of time. So basically, it’s easy to completely discredit Jim Carter.

Jim sent me a copy of his latest work, Pure Experimental Physics Without Theory. It’s 114 obtuse pages—reading his work took me back to the complete confusion of trudging through a 9th grade physics textbook, in that it was probably very simplistic but seemed complicated as fuck to my untrained eyes—but the crux of it is the circlon. According to his website, “the principle of Circlon Synchronicity is basically an opposite anti-theory to the standard theories of special relativity.”

Einstein’s theory postulates that the laws of physics are the same in all non-accelerating systems, and that the speed of light in a vacuum does not change for different observers, even if the light source’s motion changes. This theory was a huge breakthrough: it unified space and time. And it’s widely accepted, even among outsider scientists. But not by Jim Carter.

Margaret Wertheim has made a study of outsider scientists, and particularly of Jim, having written Physics on the Fringe: Smoke Rings, Circlons, and Alternative Theories of Everything. She writes that the scientists “are unanimous in their view that mainstream physics has been hijacked by a kind of priestly caste who speak a secret language—in other words, mathematics—that is incomprehensible to most human beings.” She approaches outsider scientists like they’re her pack of beloved three-legged dogs: she sees them not so much as rejecting science, but as trying to make it more accessible.


Margaret Wertheim giving a TED talk, via Wikipedia Creative Commons

Jim’s website attempts to be accessible, laying out his main points in headlined sections. It’s a fascinating collection of facts mixed in with completely unprovable statements. But this highlights something troubling: so much of modern science is difficult to prove. Margaret noted that string theory itself borders on pseudoscience. This is what gives the outsider scientists some validity: no one really has any clue what’s going on when it comes to very large or very small things.

What Jim is doing is providing a route for challenging the scientific establishment. Anyone can come up with a theory, and write a paper or book about it. Take David Birnbaum: a New York jeweler by day, he has written a 500+ page treatise on the nature of the universe, chalking everything up to potential. “Potential is divine in that it is all-transcendent and life-giving,” he told me over e-mail. “The quest for potential drives the cosmic order. Potential ignited the Big Bang, and is the guiding force behind life, evolution, consciousness, and love, among other key dynamics.” Potential is his circlon: something that doesn’t need to be proved, but rather, is the glue holding the entire universe together. It’s godlike.

The Natural Philosophy Alliance states that their mission is “to provide worldwide forums for expression and discussion of diverse scientific theories, observations, and experiments by which an improved natural philosophy of the structures and processes of our visible world and extended universe may be developed.” Elsewhere on their site is a list of problems in mainstream science, which is the place to find criticisms of the Big Bang, relativity, plate tectonics, and gravity. They agree on very little, except that science has become too political and math-based.

I spoke with a much less radical member of the NPA, Steve Puetz, who told me that his main problems with science are the peer-review process and the recent concept that philosophy is “unnecessary baggage.” He thinks that professors can teach science in a different way, exploring uncertainty and new methods.


NPA member Steve Puetz

After all, alternative theories keep science from stagnating. The outsider scientists see themselves as part of a greater tradition, stemming from Galileo all the way to Isaac Newton. All the great scientific discoveries, they told me, have come from those outside of traditional academia. David said that there are many classical Jewish philosophers who held totally different day jobs. This devotion to seeking truth in the same style as their scientific ancestors gives outsider science its purpose.

Wertheim implied in her article that a sense of alienation fuels the outsider scientists, but no one I talked to fit the stereotype I expected: paranoid conspiracy theorists looking for an opportunity to disgrace the scientific community. Mostly, they’re just curious souls. Even so, their ideas run from the inconsequential (NPA member Barry Springer thinks that the law of gravitation isn’t wrong, but merely incomplete) to the bizarre (like Garret Lisi’s an Exceptionally Simple Theory of Everything, which is a bunch of equations seeking to find one “beautiful” solution tying up all of physics, mathematics, and the universe.)

The thing with having so many people having so many solutions is that the majority (if not all) of them have to be wrong. Margaret Wertheim described going to a NPA convention as like “watching thirty Jesus Christs,” a reference to the experiment in which three schizophrenics who all believed themselves to be Jesus were placed in a room together. “Everybody had the Answer. Everybody was the One.” Sheldon Greaves, of the Citizen Scientists League, told me that, in his experience, none of the one true answer theories are “anywhere close to being right. When you see a paper proposing a ‘theory of everything’ in it without a single equation, you know right there it’s worthless.” Steve agreed, but added that all of the theories can probably be consolidated to something cohesive and non-contradictory. Birnbaum and Carter, of course, are confident that they have figured out the two one answers explaining the nature of the universe.

Outsider scientists are, in many ways, as immune to criticism as the establishment figures they're challenging. The favorite rhetorical shield of the eccentric is saying that people are "afraid" of their ideas. Last year, Birnbaum held a conference at Bard College for a collection of academics and scientists entirely on his ideas on metaphysics, leaving the attendees somewhat dumfounded. He is adamant that the scientific community is actively trying to “destroy the outsider.” “We are no longer satisfied to be told, ‘Do not ask too many questions because we are the ‘priesthood,’ and we know much better than you ever will,’” he said.  “I’m not sure the established philosophy hierarchy wants an outsider to ‘show them the light.’”

Jim Carter, however, is probably not going to change any minds within the mainstream scientific community, but that's not stopping him and others from trying.

@MeganRoseLent

DIY Inventors: The Real Iron Man

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In the second episode of DIY: Chinese Inventors, we took a trip to Jilin, China to visit our friend Sun Jifa. Nearly a decade ago, Sun lost his hands in a fishing-related explosion. Sun couldn't afford prosthetic arms, but he didn't let this stop him from obtaining bionic hands—using his inventive imagination, Sun built his own prosthetic hands. Since then, he's used these hands to build over 800 metal hands for other men unable to afford the prosthetic devices recommended by doctors.

Taji's Mahal: Watch the Gonz's New Short Film '08NOBEL80'

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About a year ago, I missed a call from artist and skateboarder Mark Gonzales a.k.a. the Gonz. He left this voicemail. I tried to return the call, but my call failed to go through. A few nights ago, I received another phone call from the Gonz—except this time, I answered the phone and made plans to meet the Gonz at midnight at Astor Place. Over the next few hours, the Gonz shot footage of us riding skateboards and bikes through New York City for his new short film “08NOBEL80.” I'm psyched to premiere the Gonz's new film today and hope you check out his other videos here

@RedAlurk

Tamara Faith Berger Writes Coming-of-Age Novels About Porn and Teen Sex

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Image courtesy of Tamara Faith Berger

To read Tamara Faith Berger's novels is to acknowledge that she isn't your mother's coming-of-age novelist. Tamara famously cut her literary teeth writing for smut magazines, and her protagonists are often young girls giving first-person accounts in what Tamara calls the “getting-fucked female voice,” which makes sense considering Tamara's characters are the definition of “fucked.”

Take the plot of Maidenhead, Tamara's most recent novel. In the first chapter, we witness the disintegration of a middle-class Canadian family who inadvertently decided to spend a trip to Key West in a cheap motel populated by spring breakers. Myra, the 16-year-old daughter, retreats to the beach to mope only to be flattered by the middle-aged Tanzanian “musician” who comes over to talk to her. She follows him to her hotel room, where he pees on her as she crouches on the dirty carpet. Afterwards, Myra fantasizes about the musician deflowering her. To her surprise, she's offered the chance to fulfill this fantasy when the musician follows her back to Canada with his black lover who is twice Myra's age, taking Myra on a journey that includes a porn ring, Canadian anarchists, high school, weed, abject sex games, and Myra’s attempts to explain her sexual impulses by googling Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel and Simone Weil. 

These books are the porniest stories I've ever read on the subway, but sex isn't what's interesting about Tamara's novels—the novelist's impulse to trample social mores extends way beyond her willingness to discuss anal sex. Her exploration of philosophy and sexual politics turns plots that sound like dirty Judy Blume novels into literature. A few weeks ago, I sat down with Tamara to talk about the sex that inspired these novels, teenagers' obsession with Hegel, and why she chose to set Maidenhead's first chapters in Florida. 

VICE: Like PG-13 movies, novels often circle around one sex act that—if we're lucky—will show us a woman's clavicle. Your books feature several sex scenes. Why does your fiction focus on sex? 
Tamara Faith Berger: I’m as interested in sex, I think, as anybody else. But I think my interests got a bit more professional (for lack of a better word) when I got interested in this idea that you could either have sex or “do” sex for money. It could be a job. Sex became this psychological, philosophical, and writerly inquiry at the same time as it was what it was—sex. Also, I liked all the books I read that had sex in them.

Did personal experiences inspire your novel's sex scenes?
I feel like I’m the type of person who gets a lot of knowledge from one thing, and I don’t need a lot of it—I'm the same way with porn. The sexual experiences I have had are weird. They weren’t really one-night stands; they were more like I would be with somebody, and then something would happen that was a little off to the side. I would get a lot of the experience from the exceptionality of that one experience.

What’s your definition of good sex?
What’s your definition?

I prefer sex with someone I love. In the past, I have put up with bad sex with someone I love and ended up believing it was good sex.
I think you have to—sometimes it is really bad. It depends if we’re talking about an experience for ourselves, like an experience of knowledge that we’re going to be taking out into the world, or if we're talking about sex between two people—something that happens mutually. I think it could be both.

In a Proust questionnaire, you said if you could be reincarnated as a person or a thing, you’d be a very charismatic man. Would he be a writer?
No. I was thinking he would be a dandy—someone who had a lot of power and could draw a lot of people to him. I feel like men really can do that with no consequences, or the consequences are not the same for a man as for a woman who has that kind of magnetic power.

When I was reading Maidenhead I kept reassuring myself that I was never this naive in high school. But when Myra was googling Hegel, I thought, Oh my god, I remember looking up the master-slave dynamic on Wikipedia. Were you worried about your reader doubting Myra's interests because she’s such a young girl?
There’s a humiliation in realizing the limit of one’s own knowledge at a certain age. I certainly experienced getting shut down. I was not always doing what I thought I was doing or studying what I thought I was studying.

Myra is Canadian, but Maidenhead starts in Florida. Did something about Florida's seediness make you want to start the book with Myra on vacation in the Sunshine State?
It’s funny that you mention Florida, because I had so much more stuff in Maidenhead about the perils of Florida and keeping teenagers away from Florida. It just has a lot of resonance. The black-white relations in the States is heightened and different than it is in Canada. I wanted to go there, where it was the hottest. I was curious about the reception in America, because I thought the race stuff was going to be a bit too much for Americans.

It felt really intense.
I think so too. I felt like I was poking. My husband is black, and I didn’t let him read it the whole way through when I was writing it. Then he was reading the galleys, and he was like,“Fuck!”

@mariscrane666

 

Comics: Weightless

2013: The Most OK Year Ever


Slangin' Dope at Art Basel

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A nightclub where white people probably love to do cocaine. Image via.

Once a year, thousands of rich assholes flock to South Beach to buy artistic shit like papier-mâché balls at Art Basel, one of the most famous art fairs in the world. After rich people finish buying garbage, they like to let their hair down and party with copious amounts of cocaine, as white people are wont to do. The event has become a boon for Miami’s underground drug economy, and local dope dealers now see the three-day art fair as their little Christmas bonus. We had a chat with one such dealer, who calls himself Truelove. He told us about the nose-diving exploits of the artsy-fartsy assholes at Art Basel.


This photo was sent to us by Truelove. He's trying to tell you something.

VICE: Why do you call yourself Truelove?
Truelove: It's the last name of the main character in that movie Alpha Dog, who sells weed and kills kidnappers. He was a real person. 

How long have you been selling dope?
I started really young when I was turning 17. My mom had a lot of weed in the house, and I took some all the time and sold it. I knew I was going to be really good at it, because I went to summer camp and made a lot of money selling it. I have never had to get a real job.

How does Basel effect your line of work?
Basel is awesome. I get a lot of rich New Yorkers—a bunch of know-it-alls with a shitload of money.

Who are the types of people that come to you during Basel?
I don't know what it is about New Yorkers, but they are all cokeheads. New Yorkers pay the most for the worst shit, so it's easy to impress them. To us, all New Yorkers are rich. A New Yorker that works a shitty job still gets paid the same as a hardworking person in Miami. New Yorkers are all blood-diamond rich. It's crazy.

Do they buy a lot?
They're not buying in large quantities, but they keep coming back throughout the night. It doesn't matter what time it is. New Yorkers are nocturnal, a different breed of human. You can tell where people are coming from by what they are wearing. If someone is coming to town to look at art, you know they have money. People from California wear open, flow-y shit, and people from NYC are upright and uptight.

What are your sales like during Basel? 
I don't really know, but it's a lot. At Basel, cocaine does the best. Weed and MDMA also get good sales. I'm not sure if you know and I probably shouldn't tell you, but MDMA is synthetic and fake here. It's all methylone—just bath salts. I should technically encourage people not to buy it, but I won't.

Do you have competition? Are their Art Basel drug territories? 
I'm a gorgeous, Jewish, white boy. I don't like dealing with that kind of shit. I had a gun in my car when I was in high school, but that was stupid—nobody interferes. We all help each other here in Miami. I'll protect friends. Don't step on my foot, and I won't step on yours—that's how we all work down here, even during Art Basel.

What's your territory?
My location is Wynwood. I like the art. Midtown is where I generally roam. I don't like South Beach, there are too many cops. The Biscayne area of Miami is all me.

Is there a hotel or club where you get the majority of your calls?
Bardot. I don't want to call it out, but Bardot is the spot. It's the oldest lounge in Midtown.

Do you like that Art Basel comes to Miami every year?
I think Miami is already a trashy place, so it's not bad to pollute the street with snobby fucks.

@dieselmad

Weediquette: T. Kid's Bad Luck Charm

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T. Kid's spirit animal is a jailbird. Image via.

Maintaining a high school weed habit was a hassle exemplified by run-ins with the police. Serious crimes rarely sparked these interactions in the suburbs. Instead, these events came about because suburban cops had few crimes to entertain them. In retrospect, I believe the officers pursuing us were as thrilled by the chase as we were—some nights, police officers would collar a couple of guys, scare them, make fun of them for getting scared, and then let them go. But this merry game of cat and mouse turned dark one summer when cops found a dime bag on the Fourth of July.

Common sense said not to keep drugs in your wallet, but I didn't listen to common sense when I was 16. To my defense, I wasn’t expecting my stealth to be tested on that particular Fourth of July—considering everyone is out on July 4 and local police are busy keeping the peace, I assumed the cops would pay less attention to the purple-haired kids they targeted on every other night. The trouble started when my friends and I gathered in the parking lot of a diner, a frequent hangout spot we had just eaten at, when two cop cars pulled into the parking lot and blocked cars from entering or leaving the lot. Four cops descended on us, asked us for IDs, and then searched our pockets. When they began the round, I gave my friend Kev a terrified look. (Kev was two years older than me and was like a big brother; he drove me when I was without a car and blazed me out when I ran out of weed.) Kev had picked me up that day, which is why I knew he had a few pills of ecstasy in his shoe. The next few minutes played out exactly as I had feared. When it was my turn to be searched, one of the cops looked between the singles in my wallet and pulled out a tiny bag of what he called “hooch.” The other cops came over like excited kids looking at a dead squirrel—two of them might have high-fived. They cuffed me and sat me down on the curb. After a good laugh, one of the cops turned to the rest of the kids and said, “Alright! Shoes off. Trunks open.” For a brief moment, I saw Kev contemplate bolting, and perhaps he should have fled the scene. After finding the pills in his shoe, the cops cuffed Kev and sat him next to me. After they discovered that none of the other kids had brought party favors, they let them go and harassed Kev and me until the sun went down. Right when the fireworks started lighting up the sky around us, a cop uncuffed me and then waved the bag at me. “I know you’re Indian or whatever,” he said. “I bet your parents would be pretty pissed off if you got arrested—like even more than normal parents. I’ll let you go this time, but your friend is fucked.” As I walked away from the scene of the heinous investigation, I had no idea that I had only begun to bring Kev bad luck that summer.

A couple of weeks later, a group of us were drinking and smoking blunts at the seventh green of a local golf course. Kev was absent. Following his arrest, he vowed never to do his dirt outdoors, and he called us stupid for smoking outside. He was right. The golf course was a pretty secure spot, but we managed to blow it up that night by making too much noise. A friend who was parking in the clubhouse lot tipped us about the cops. As their flashlight beams bounced over a hill on the sixth hole, we slung away our beers and slipped into the woods. Our disposal of the contraband must have enraged the cops, because we heard them yelling behind us. The woods got thicker, and eventually we jumped into a shallow stream and trudged through it like prison escapees. When we finally emerged from the woods, we were near our friend Hall’s house. Kev stood on Hall's porch shaking his head. “Should have kept it inside, dudes,” he said as we chuckled and walked past him into the house. Kev stayed out for a smoke, and in that time, the cops rolled up. There were only a few possible culprits in the vicinity, and these cops had found the motherlode of them sitting in one place. They hassled Hall at his backdoor for a while, but they had no evidence and no reason to search his house. They left infuriated, and just as the last one was stepping off the porch, he turned to Kev and said, “You smell like alcohol.” As we let out sighs of relief inside, cops hauled Kev away for underage drinking. 

Kev didn’t think things could get much worse that summer, but they did. A month later, he was picking me up from my place when he told me he was going to allow himself a little leeway that weekend. He asked if I wanted to join him. There was some kind of outdoor rave going on in a park a couple of towns over, and Kev offered me a ride there plus an ecstasy pill. I had never tried ecstasy before, but I accepted his offer. My memory of the experience consists of three snapshots: a candy raver with pink UFOs saying, “Yeah man, exactly,” in a valley girl accent; an Asian kid with suspiciously thick sideburns laughing obnoxiously; and a shirtless redneck holding a 30 pack of beer saying, “Bet a beer will help.”

That's about it. However, I remember the drive back quite vividly. We had to turn through the high school to get back to Kev’s house, and as we were passing through, the brights went on behind us. By this time, being in Kev’s car was a crime as far as the local cops were concerned. They yanked us out and searched us, tore apart the car, and found nothing but a pacifier I had stuffed under the shotgun seat. The cops told us that this paraphernalia was grounds for a deeper search of our persons—a worrisome precedent for all local babies. They finally turned up a single pill in a baggie pinned to the inside of Kev’s boxers. They cuffed him and hauled him away as he nonchalantly told me, “Just park my car at Hall’s house, I’ll grab it in the morning.” By now, getting booked was a familiar routine.

The piled up charges ended up costing Kev an arm and a leg, but he managed to squeak through without any jail time. We later recounted how I had been involved every time he was arrested, and he chalked it up to mere coincidence. Once a cop caught Kev, there was no way to tell what that particular cop would do based on his mood or level of boredom. Kev managed to get on their bad side once, and from then on, there was a target on his back. Still, I couldn’t help but think that I brought Kev a wave of bad luck that ruined his summer and brought him dangerously close to deep shit, while I always managed to get away. This belief was only counteracted weeks later by my own arrest, which actually managed to save him. That’s a shit show I’ll tell you about another Sunday.

@ImYourKid

Syria's Rebel Press Are Fighting Back Against Jihadists

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Copies of independent Syrian newspaper Enab Baladi ("Local Grapes") lie among rubble (picture courtesy of Enab Baladi)

Rami Al Razzouk was traveling between Raqqa and Tabaqa in northeastern Syria when he was kidnapped at a checkpoint by ISIS. The al Qaeda offshoot seized him as he was on his way to conduct an interview as part of his work as a journalist on ANA Radio. After he was taken, ISIS used his key to raid the premises of the Raqqa-based radio station later that same day. Two weeks after that, they broke in again and confiscated all of the station's equipment and data. Apparently there isn't much space for a free press in the Islamic caliphate that ISIS are trying to create.

Outraged, the ANA New Media Association—the network behind the station—has decided to go head to head with the extremist group's "deliberate strategy to crush press freedom and impose censorship upon the Syrian people." As ISIS continues to oppress the fledgling media landscape in the north and east of Syria, ANA has pledged to whip up a storm of protest every time a journalist or activist is targeted by the jihadis. This is a pretty brave step considering ISIS has beheaded so many of their enemies that they recently got confused and beheaded one of their allies.

On Monday, the network launched a campaign backed by 21 Syrian media organizations and 50 international organizations, encouraging the continued growth of Syria's burgeoning free press. A statement from the campaign read, “We demand the immediate release of all detained journalists and citizen journalists held by the regime, ISIS or any other group. Additionally, we call on international media and those organizations in support of press freedom to join this initiative and to take relevant action for the safety of journalists and freedom of speech in Syria.”

A man reads Sada Al-Sham, another independent newspaper, in a barbers (photo courtesy of l'Association de Soutien aux Médias Libres)

I spoke to Rami Jarrah, the co-director of ANA, about the extent of the problem facing Syria's budding journalists. “I think there are about zero media activists left in Raqqa now,” he told me. “Across the whole of the north there have been around 60 documented media activist abductions by ISIS, with the crackdown worsening in the last two months.”

Jarrah estimates that throughout the conflict 200 activists and media workers have been abducted by the Syrian regime. Reporters Without Borders, the journalist advocacy organisation, puts the number at 60, but this doesn’t account for those whose families are too fearful of reprisals to talk.

Raqqa itself is now under the control of more Islamist groups. All remaining Free Syrian Army (FSA) forces in the city pledged allegiance to Jabhat al-Nusra (JaN), which in turn led to a number of JaN's more hardline members defecting to ISIS. Between them, they have enforced their views on the population, with women encouraged to wear full niqabs. Dissent is treated harshly.

A shop distributes independent magazines (photo courtesy of ASML)

ANA New Media was established in early 2012 with the aim of increasing citizen journalism within Syria. They broadcast on internet radio for nearly a year before deciding the best way to reach people inside the conflict-stricken country was to switch to FM frequencies: “About three and a half months ago we began our first FM broadcast in Raqqa,” said Jarrah. Raqqa has been in rebel control since February this year but over the last few months has fallen almost completely under the control of ISIS.

ANA sought permission to operate from the local Shari’a committee, and had to promise not to broadcast music or political programming. They agreed to the terms, but only so that they could get the necessary equipment into the city. Upon arrival, they set up the station in a secret location and began broadcasting a range of history (“what really happened”), news, public service information (“where to get bread and gas”), and humor shows (“making fun of the Muslim Brotherhood”). They also broadcast the details of civil society protests.

The station's mandate is anti-extremism and anti-sectarianism, something that, unsurprisingly, didn’t go down well with ISIS, who are sectarian extremists. “The programming is mainly about providing information to people inside about the political process, because they don’t really understand," Jarrah explained. They did this for three months, before Rami went missing.

Broadcasting was dangerous for those working on the station. The journalists took huge risks by broadcasting material which criticised the extremist mindset of the groups governing Raqqa. Several days before Rami disappeared, the activist "Marzin"—who hosted the majority of shows on the station—was targeted by ISIS and fled to Turkey. Rami, who was taken on the first of October, hasn’t been seen since. ANA have received reports that he is still alive but has been badly beaten by his captors.

“I know Rami well and I know how he would feel about this and he would want us to do something,” said Jarrah. “I don’t think we should be quiet any more. Each time we are quiet we don’t get what we want.” Standing up to extremists might prove dangerous—even fatal—but failing to act is proving so anyway.

(Photo courtesy of ASML)

For Jarrah, this is about more than freedom of the press; it's also about reclaiming the Syrian revolution from a group that he sees as hijacking what he and others were fighting for. “Those who attempt to silence us will be challenged and those who attempt to hijack our thoughts and minds will be isolated," he vowed. "From now on we will be pragmatic with whoever we are faced with, whether ISIS or JaN or Assad. To them our message is clear: 'Our revolution was one for Freedom, Dignity, and Equality; those are three qualities we will not negotiate for.'" He hopes the unpopularity of ISIS will find a voice. “If everyone speaks then ISIS is going to have a problem with public support. Generally people don’t like ISIS, but no one speaks out against them; they're afraid to stand up to them,” he said.

To counter the increasing risks, they hope to offer relatively high salaries, training, and security to the citizen journalists who will take on the task of informing the population. Jarrah and his organization are ploughing ahead with their plans to set up FM radio stations in Deir ez Zour, Idlib, Aleppo, and the suburbs of Damascus. They're even planning to start again in Raqqa once the other areas are operational. It remains to be seen whether they'll survive the attentions of ISIS and other groups whose vision of Syria's future doesn't involve a free press.

Why Cold Weather Makes You Pee

Lenny Cooke Failed and Then Found Himself

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It’s hard to define failure. Was Johnny Thunders a failure? Maybe. The guy who rides shotgun in a garbage truck? Perhaps. Personally, George W. Bush always struck me as a horrible failure, yet he made all of his rich friends richer and he was elected president twice. If that’s failure, I need to fail a little harder. When you think about it, failure means nothing. It’s an ambiguous term resting in that gray area of subjectivity and perspective. Failure, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. 

Take Lenny Cooke for instance. As a highly touted high school basketball player ranked ahead of LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony in the early 2000s, he had the world at his fingertips. However, due to a string of unfortunate events and poor decisions, Lenny didn't get drafted into the NBA. Now he tops those obligatory “the best players who never made it” lists on the internet. From a certain perspective, he failed. But did he?

The documentary Lenny Cooke tells the story of how a few simple choices can change the course of an entire life. The film offers an intimate look into the days of Lenny’s youth, documenting pivotal moments like the first and only time he played competitive ball with LeBron and the day his dreams of making the leap from high school to the pros fizzled into nothing. After a ten-year break, the filmmakers reunited with Lenny, filming the man as he struggled with personal demons and what-ifs.   

By the end of the movie, I was left feeling like Lenny Cooke had failed. And yet, after spending an afternoon hanging out with him, I wondered if he really had. Never again will he bang bodies with Carmelo in the paint, but he has gained a powerful and unique perspective on life. Now he uses his wisdom to help guide the next generation of basketball players, which is awesome. If I’m destined to be a failure, I’d rather be a Lenny Cooke than a George W. Bush any day. 

The documentary—which was produced by Joakim Noah, the all-star center for the Chicago Bulls—will be screening in New York at the Film Society of Lincoln Center until the 12th.

VICE: Have you thought about coming out of retirement and joining the Utah Jazz? They really could use some help in the backcourt…
Lenny Cooke[Laughs] If they want to sign me, I’ll come out of retirement.

They’re absolutely terrible, but if you signed a two-year deal, you’d probably get to play with Andrew Wiggins in 2014.
That’s cool, if they want me to go out there. Tell them to put me on a flight… You’re a Jazz fan?

You know it. What do you think about Wiggins? Do you think he’s going to be a better player after a season at Kansas? Or do you think it’s irrelevant?
It’s a good thing that he went to school. But he needs to do two years. He’s got the potential to be good. If he works hard and dedicates himself to the game, he should be all right.

What do you think about the rule that says you have to be 19 to get into the NBA?
It’s a good rule because they might be ready physically, but they aren’t ready mentally. There are different things you’re going to run into when you’re on the road—like money, women, and drugs. You have to be tough mentally to separate yourself from the good and the bad.

But at that point, what’s the difference between being 18 or 19?
I don’t know.

At the age of 18, they’re adults, at least in the eyes of the law. Shouldn’t they be allowed to make the choice to play professionally?
Yeah, you should be able to, but I guess they’re getting tired of people being unsuccessful.

Do you think the decision to implement that rule is a sign of collusion between the NCAA and the NBA?
I believe so.

So the NCAA makes a shit ton of money off all the players… Would you have been more likely to play college ball if you saw some of that dough?
Probably so.

What do you think about David Stern?
I don’t know him. Shit, I didn’t get the chance to meet him.

I haven’t met the dude either, but I’ve got lots of shit to say about David Stern.
[Laughs] You don’t like him?

What do you think? Actually, what do you think about sports as an entertainment industry? For instance, the NFL has a concussion problem, right? Do you think they owe the players, or is it a situation where the players knew the risk and made the choice to play?
The players did know the risk. It’s an entertainment business. You don’t want to see the players get hurt but that’s the chance you take when you go out there and give your all. If you get a concussion, you get a concussion. Handle it later. Come back next week.

What do you think about LeBron? We know he's great, but how great is he in comparison to previous generations of NBA players? 
If you look at the way LeBron James is running over people right now, he wouldn’t have been doing all that shit back when guys like Charles Barkley were playing. If he had to play against Detroit when they were the Bad Boys, he couldn't just go in there like that.

Who do you know personally who you think should have made it to the NBA?
There’s a lot of people I think should be in the NBA who aren’t. I think Booger Smith should have made it to the NBA. Alimoe should have been in the league. There’s my boy from Philly, AO. He’s another one that should have played professional ball.

Even though you haven’t played professionally in years, do you think you could still school Kwame Brown?
There’s a lot of people in the NBA who’s asses I would bust right now. Even to this day. And I’m out of shape and everything. A lot of guys are in there because of who they know and the agents that represents them.

Do you think if you had a different agent, you might have made it?
More than likely. I only saw my agent once, so that should show you right there. If I would have known the business side back then… It is what it is. I made those decisions. I made those choices. I didn’t have this motivator in the background going, “You have to do this, you have to do that.” No. Whatever I did, I did because I wanted to do it. It was like, If they want to give you some money, take it.

But that’s one of the things I want to get out to the kids—don’t jump on the first thing smoking. Get to know somebody before you let them represent you. Find out if they’re really in it for you or if they’re just in it for themselves.

In a weird way, even though you never made it to the NBA, isn’t it kind of cool to be considered a NYC basketball legend?
Yeah. I appreciate the respect and the support I’ve been given after I didn’t get drafted. And to be considered as a New York City legend is an honor, because there are millions of great basketball players that have come through here.

mikeabu.com

@countslackula

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