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Romania's Roadside Barbecues Signify Social Status

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Photos by Gabriel Petrescu.

This article originally appeared on VICE Romania.

Roadside barbecues are a popular activity amongst Romanians—especially on warm, sunny days. Barbecue season officially starts on May 1 and ends when summer's over.

But stacking up the car with coolers and Tupperware and eating meatballs while listening to Romanian folk-pop on the side of the road isn't just about taking a break from your daily routine; It's also a way to boast about your social status. In post-communist Romania, grilling in the middle of nowhere means you can afford the gas, prime meat, and time to do it.

Here are some photos of those affluent Romanians taken from a bridge over the Argeș River on May 1.


VICE Vs Video Games: Talking to Gamer–Turned Poker Pro Bertrand ‘ElkY’ Grospellier

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Photo of ElkY and the author by Scott Collins

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

Bertrand "ElkY" Grospellier is a professional gamer turned poker pro. He was one of the top StarCraft players in the world, finishing second in the World Cyber Games in 2001 and going one better in the Euro Cyber Games in 2003. Now a Team PokerStars Pro, he's brought his online skills to live environment, winning a European Poker Tour title and a World Series of Poker bracelet. He's set the Guinness World Record for the most single-table sit-and-gos played in one hour, and he's the most successful French poker player of all time.

In April, ElkY announced via Facebook that he'd be dropping poker to return to StarCraft full time. A great many fans fell off their seats—but then everyone took the date of the post into account: April 1. But when I caught up with him at the European Poker Tour grand final in Monaco, at the beginning of May, he told me that he is getting back into gaming in a big way, albeit not at the expense of his poker career.

VICE: Why is competitive gaming, with eSports, so popular?
ElkY: I think video games are popular because they're so easy to play. You can play from anywhere, with all your friends. That's why [eSports are] so popular in South Korea. You don't have much space there to play soccer or to have a soccer field or anything like that—that's why [eSports] got so popular in the first place. But it will become more popular in the future, especially with Twitch. You can all watch on your phone, play games on your phone—everybody's connected all the time, so it's the future, I think.

It's like a snowball effect. With League of Legends, we all play this game—everybody's playing, so it's like, "Come, play with us!" You're not going to play a game on your own. It's free, anybody can make an account—it's accessible to everyone. It's on the internet now and it's a team game, five against five, so it's really fun to play with your friends. It's kind of like poker, there are so many possibilities—it's never the same cards, never the same game. There are 150 characters, and my favorite is the Phantom Assassin, so there are many different possibilities. You can buy things to progress faster or unlock characters or play better. It's always changing.

[League of Legends developer Riot Games] was bought by Tencent, one of the largest internet companies, and they've pushed it all over China. It's one of the few things that's legal and not censored yet. That's huge because Chinese people can't do anything, but they can play video games, so it's hugely popular. I think there are 350 million players, 17 million unique a month—it's like the biggest game by far. It's crazy!

Now I play Hearthstone. It's from Blizzard and it's actually pretty similar to poker, because it's a collectible card game, so you have cards and you make a deck and you play against other guys, like heads up. It's a psychological game, a little bit like World of Warcraft, and it's set in the same world. It's really popular now—it's probably the most popular game.

"If people are going to be violent and crazy, they are going to do it no matter what—it's not because they are playing video games."

When you play these eSports now, in a team, are your teammates of the same pro standard that you used to be?
My friends I play in a team with are not all pro gamers! The caliber in gaming is really high. To be one of the best, you have to play all the time, especially now—because it's so popular, the players are so good. It's not possible to be the best at poker and video games too, because it takes too much practice—I don't have the energy! There are so many strategies to react to, so you have to practice a lot to win.

It's frustrating when somebody on your team makes a mistake and you die because of it. When you die, you have to wait sometimes two minutes to respawn, so I feel like my life is over: "Two minutes, I can't do anything!" You're not supposed to yell at your teammates—then they're more likely to make mistakes. If you're playing with random people, you cannot really yell at them. Instead of, "What the fuck are you doing?" it's like, "OK, everybody makes mistakes." When it's somebody you know really well, you're more likely to yell at them. Also, I have higher expectations of my friends because they're usually better, so they try harder. My friend Gabriel plays a lot of the games, so when we play together and one of us makes a mistake, we get kind of angry. It's like, "You're not supposed to make a mistake—focus!"

I play with my girlfriend and I get really pissed off at her, too. She loses focus sometimes—she's like, "Arghh!" My God, I hate it when they lose focus like that! It's OK if she makes a mistake, of course—she's not the best gamer in the world, so you make mistakes, but if I ask her to do something and she forgets, it's: "No! No! No!" I train her a bit, but with games there is a huge learning curve. She's learning a lot. It's fun, that's why it's so popular.

Related: Watch our documentary on the world of eSports

How do you feel about people blaming video games for violence or childhood obesity?
Some people blame video games for violence and kids getting fat, but I don't think that's true. Playing video games doesn't make you obese. It's more diet—that's the number one factor, that and lifestyle. We live in cities much more [than we do the country], and everything is automatic now. We do fewer physical activities and a lot less in day-to-day life. Transport is getting so much better—everything is getting easier and technology is helping us in so many ways. So I think it's that, and the fact that we eat unhealthier food than before. Also, now you can find food everywhere, especially in London, at any time of day—it's too convenient; you have to have self-control!

If people are going to be violent and crazy, they are going to do it no matter what—it's because they are that way in the first place, it's not because they are playing video games. I think people always try to blame the newest thing, the thing they don't really understand. That's why video games are blamed for violence and obesity.

Does this idea that gamers are unhealthy not really stand up, then?
People think gamers are unhealthy, but I do CrossFit, weight training, and I love to run. I ran a 10k when I was a pro gamer in Korea and I would love to run a marathon. So far, the furthest I have run is 18k.

If you're out of shape or you eat the wrong food or too much of it, it's really bad for your focus—you feel sluggish, and you get tired faster. It's not that you're going to play better when you're in good shape, but you're going to play closer to your A-game.

Sometimes I fast. If healthy food isn't available, then fasting is definitely better than eating crap, but there are other benefits too—I find my focus is better and I have more energy. I can be a little obsessive, so if I'm really focused on the game and I'm using all my mental energy for it, I'm not hungry. Now I'm used to fasting, I really like it. I don't usually fast on workout days, but it doesn't matter much if I do. My performance will not be as great, but I'm not training for performance, I'm training to be healthy and in good physical condition.

Sleep is so important, too. It's probably the number one most important thing for preparation. Missing out on sleep is counter productive—it won't make you a better player.

"I miss the competitive gaming scene. I want to get back into video games."

What was it like living in Korea?
I always loved video games and back then it was basically only in Korea that you could play video games for a living, so I decided to do it—I moved to Korea.

The Koreans are super-competitive—they're just like nuts, you know? They're like, "number one or death." They practice until they can't keep their eyes open. It's really hard to beat players who are that competitive, but it's kind of sad, too, and South Korea currently has one of the highest suicide rates in the world.

The Koreans are a lot of fun too, though—they're crazy, their parties are non-stop. Sometimes I would go to a party with my Korean friends until 6 AM, and then they'd be in the office at 8 AM. I'd be sleeping all day only to be woken at 5PM by the guys who were working. They'd call me up to say, "Hey what's going on? Let's go out!"

Seoul is the most action city ever, there's always something to do. You can get a haircut at 1 AM and go to a movie after, it's perfect. When I moved back to Europe, it was like, "Oh, everything is so slow!" In France and Italy, everything is closed half the time. You cannot do anything and the streets are empty after 10 PM. I live in London now and things are open all the time. London is the best city in Europe, there's always something happening, it's great.

What are your plans now?
I haven't played games professionally for a while and I miss the competitive gaming scene. I want to get back into video games now because it's so big, and I also started doing it on Twitch. People in poker have also got into Twitch, and they have music—they are going to expand into everything. You can do whatever you want, basically, as there's so much freedom. Video games are so popular, it's crazy—Twitch has 100,000,000 visitors a month. You can engage with your audience a lot because you're broadcasting and they can talk to you via a chat box. They're like, "Hey, high five!" and you're like, "Hey, high five!" So you can interact with them and it's really fun and you can tell them what you're thinking about.

With poker you can talk through what you're doing, so, "With this hand I'm doing that because I think the guy is playing tight," or if I think a guy is bluffing, I can explain everything I'm doing. The only slight problem with poker is that obviously you're playing a tournament for money, so there's like a four-minute delay. When they ask a question, about what they see on the screen, it's what happened four minutes ago, usually. With gaming you can do it live, so it's much more fun—they ask me questions and I reply straight away.

Follow Samantha Rea on Twitter.

Portraits of Afghan Women Imprisoned for ‘Moral Crimes’

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[body_image width='1200' height='800' path='images/content-images/2015/05/18/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/05/18/' filename='portraits-of-afghani-women-imprisoned-for-moral-crime-body-image-1431941923.jpg' id='56911']Photo subjects are all anonymous.

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

While the fall of the hard-line Islamist Taliban in 2001 helped to reduce violence against women in Afghanistan, women there still have a long way to go in terms of living in safety. As foreign troops leave the territory and the international presence becomes more discreet, funding and support for development programs is also being reduced. Fears about a potential spike in violence against women and a societal return to more traditional values have also arisen.

One of the most recent examples of extreme violence against women was in March, when a female student was beaten to death with sticks by a crowd of men in central Kabul. Her body was subsequently set on fire and dragged into the city's main river. The death of the 27-year-old girl, who according to Reuters had been "wrongly accused of burning a Qur'an," sparked violent protests on the streets of the city.

Islamic law is still widely applied in Afghanistan, and "zina," which refers to sexual intercourse between two people outside marriage, leads to the condemnation and imprisonment of many women.

Polish-Canadian photographer Gabriela Maj traveled to seven female prisons in Afghanistan and spoke to over 100 women who had been incarcerated for "moral crimes." She presents their stories in pictures in her book Almond Garden. The book's title is a direct translation of the name of the country's most famous female penitentiary, Badam Bagh, located on the outskirts of Kabul. I called Gabriela for a chat about what her visits to those prisons have taught her.

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VICE: Hi, Gabriela. Can you tell me a bit more about the conditions women live in within those prisons?
Gabriela Maj: There are usually about five to ten women per cell. Cells are open during the day, so they're free to move around and spend time in the open space (if there is one). Generally, conditions are very basic, but acceptable. Women all have access to running water and toilets. There are two meals a day.

What's interesting is that the facilities are generally relatively new—they were recently built thanks to foreign funding. For example, the Italian government recently spent a fair amount of money on them.

What had the women you photographed been incarcerated for?
A lot of women have been arrested for moral crimes. This refers to the ways a woman may be accused of "zina," which could include running away from home or from a forced marriage, being raped, sometimes having an involuntary pregnancy as a consequence...

These are innocent women who live in open prison facilities, often alongside women who are dangerous and potentially displaying violent behavior. That makes for a very volatile and difficult environment, especially to raise a child. There is no mental health support, though often women are often suffering from PTSD.

In your book, you mention that some women were actually guilty of committing crimes, like killing their husbands or aggressors by strangling them or slitting their throats. In these cases, did you feel the sentence was "deserved"?
Most of them have been unjustly arrested and incarcerated. After a while I stopped distinguishing between those who were "guilty" or "not guilty"—had these women had different life experiences, access to education, or a legal system that could offer protection for victims of abuse, they would have probably made different choices. Many times, I thought I could have done the same thing as them. What would you do if you were forced into prostitution by your husband or raped by strangers?

Did some stories make you feel particularly uneasy?
There was only one person that I would say I felt a sense of "unease" around. It was a woman who was a serial killer, who'd been arrested alongside five male family members for 137 counts of murder. She had been the victim of abuse from a very young age and was constantly exposed to that horrific violence she was taking part in alongside those men. It was evident that she suffered some serious psychological repercussions. She was unpredictable and had violent outbursts.

In the pictures, many women are posing with their children. Do they actually give birth in prison? Are children able to stay on and live with their mothers?
Many women are arrested while pregnant, often as a result of rape or of an illegitimate relationship outside of marriage. In some cases, they deliver the child in special facilities outside the prison, but in many cases that option just isn't there.

As the incarceration often involves a moral crime, families sometimes reject both the mother and her child, as the understanding of "zina" is that it brings tremendous shame to the family. In worst case scenarios, there is even a threat of death, as honor killings still happen a lot in Afghanistan. This also means that the child may have nowhere to go outside the prison. Kids are technically able to stay in the prison up until the age of about five.

What happens to them when they leave?
They either go back to the family, or some of them end up in shelters for children. Unfortunately, many also end up on the streets and have very few opportunities. It just shows how this aspect of justice not only drains very limited resources—it costs a lot to maintain these women in prison—but also destroys communities and families. It shatters not only the lives of women, but children, too.

[body_image width='1200' height='800' path='images/content-images/2015/05/18/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/05/18/' filename='portraits-of-afghani-women-imprisoned-for-moral-crime-body-image-1431942082.jpg' id='56913']

In the book you also mention prostitution networks within the prisons. Could you expand on that?
I didn't witness it with my eyes, but I heard many mentions of it—both by guards and by people outside [of the prisons]—over the course of the five years I was traveling there. Women in the prison also talked about it. A recently appointed prison director I once met also spoke to me very openly about the fact that he was replacing a predecessor who'd been engaging in sexual exploitation of the prisoners.

Are there endemic judicial problems in Afghanistan, or is the idea of "moral crime" still deeply rooted in people's minds after all this time?
The justice system in Afghanistan is riddled with corruption, and a significant conservative contingent still has power in the Afghan government. But if it were just a policy issue, it would be an easy fix. The issue lies with the fact that it's a larger societal perception. In the families I spent time with, women were horrified that I spent time with incarcerated women, and specifically women who'd been accused of moral crimes.

It's almost like a death sentence in Afghan society to be accused of this—it's something that's reacted to very strongly. This idea of bringing shame to your family is almost the worst thing you can do as a woman. Associating with such women is almost seen as associating with lepers.

Watch: 'This Is What Winning Looks Like,' VICE reporter Ben Anderson's Afghanistan War diary:

Are there any support groups locally?
Women for Afghan Women, which is partly funded by independent donors internationally, is a grassroots organization run in Afghanistan by Afghan women. They run a system of shelters for women who have ran away from their families or who are leaving prison and have nowhere to go. They also run educational programs for kids and offer legal support. The demand is, however, much greater than what they're able to offer.

Is there enough help coming from the international community?
After 2001 [and the fall of the Taliban], there was a lot of funding from the international community through programs supporting women's health and education. There were programs in the prisons that included literacy training and basic skills training, to enable these women to somehow ensure a certain income after they leave the prison.

At this point, though, much of that has dried up. As troops are being withdrawn, so is a lot of support and aid for the country. The situation for these women is desperate and hopeless. It's almost worse when they leave the prison, because they don't have the tools and resources to secure a life for themselves.

Follow Alice on Twitter.

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How Leon Bridges Went from Aspiring Choreographer to Soul Sensation

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How Leon Bridges Went from Aspiring Choreographer to Soul Sensation

This Former Bank Regulator Quit His Job to Fight For His House

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Eric Mains. Photo by Jon Schulte

Eric Mains is fulfilling a dream many Americans have had since the onset of the financial crisis seven years ago: He's attacking fraud in the banking industry as aggressively as he can, using every possible tool under the law to achieve justice —and win some money back for himself.

Mains, a former team leader with the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC), has become so bitterly embroiled in a six-year dispute with his mortgage lender that he left the regulatory agency, fearing that he might have to eventually name it as a defendant in a federal lawsuit. He's one of a small yet determined band of people still fighting foreclosure (the seizure of property) cases with obscure and sometimes arcane arguments, built on a simple yet mind-blowing premise: The true ownership of millions of mortgages issued during the housing bubble was fatally corrupted, and now it's impossible to prove who actually legally controls those mortgages.

Recent Supreme Court precedent suggests that by rescinding his mortgage—canceling it, basically—Mains and people like him can put the onus on banks to prove they have the right to assets like his house in the first place. If Mains or his allies succeed, they would rip open a wound that virtually everyone in power has tried to stitch up and forget. But such a long-awaited victory wouldn't make up for the years of stress and personal hardship Mains has suffered, including a failed marriage and now the end of his career in public service.

"I had to ask myself a question: Will I do this no matter if it hurts?" Mains told me. "I said yes. If I can afford to fight these suckers and bring this illegality to light, that's why I went to law school."

Mains studied to be a lawyer, but ended up as a banker with large regional firms like PNC and National City. He was a vice president of special assets, dealing with commercial loans for multifamily housing units. The work took him and his wife to the Louisville metro area, and while expecting a child in December 2006, they bought a home across the river, in Jeffersonville, Indiana. Washington Mutual, at the time one of the largest lenders in America, issued the mortgage.

It was the height of the housing bubble. As millions of borrowers were doing across the country, Mains bought an overvalued home and signed up for a mortgage with an elevated interest rate. Quickly, he fell behind on his payments, but couldn't refinance because the home was worth less than what he owed on the mortgage. He tried three times to get a loan modification—essentially a change in the terms—in 2008, and each time was told that the paperwork was incomplete. "I stopped trying because I thought they were playing a game," Mains said. "They had no intent to modify it."

He finally defaulted in the spring of 2009.

Mains joined the FDIC in August of the following year, still in the middle of the legal fight. "I disclosed to them I was working with my [loan] servicer, and that I thought I would reach resolution," he said. Mains became a team leader with the Division of Resolutions and Receiverships in Dallas, ironically the same division that dismantled Washington Mutual when it failed in 2008, eventually selling it off to JPMorgan Chase. Shutting down banks kept Mains on the road, living out of hotels most of the time, away from the house that started this whole thing.

Though Mains had always sent his payments to Washington Mutual, Chase Home Finance sent the default letter to him, claiming it was his new loan servicer. And when Mains finally received a foreclosure notice in 2010, the plaintiff was Citigroup, as a trustee.

Despite a career in banking, Mains was unable to sort out a seemingly simple question: Who did he owe money to?

He wasn't alone in his confusion. From 1998 to 2006, trillions of dollars worth of mortgages were sold to Wall Street banks, then packaged and distributed as mortgage-backed securities (MBS) around the world, a process known as securitization. In this case, Washington Mutual sought to package Mains's loan into a trust known as a REMIC (Real Estate Mortgage Investment Conduit). This REMIC trust, WAMU HE-2, is overseen by a trustee, Citigroup, which holds ownership on the loan, with the income stream from mortgage payments flowing to investors. The servicer, Chase, collects monthly payments to distribute to investors, and performs day-to-day operations on the mortgages.

However, some homeowners and experts have charged for years that banks botched the securitization process. To comply with the law and be eligible for its tax benefits, all assets must be physically conveyed into trusts within 90 days of their inauguration. That includes the original documentation on all mortgage transfers, which make up the "chain of title"—the history of ownership—from the initial lender to the trust. If that documentation doesn't exist, the trust does not hold title on the loan and therefore cannot foreclose.

In other words, in their haste to turn mortgages into securities, banks may have flaunted the rules so aggressively they lost their right to collect mortgage payments.

By now many Americans are familiar with the "robo-signing" scandal and the mortgage industry's mass production of false documents. According to Mains and his compatriots, the reason for this sort of fraud is obvious: Without fakery, the banks had no way to prove they actually owned the mortgages.

When Mains first explained this to his lawyer, "she thought I was a Looney Tune," he said. And all of this can sound to some like a mere technicality. But there's quite a bit of evidence underlying his theory. Trustees have zealously restricted access to loan data, but in a 2013 case called Phoenix Light v. JPMorgan Chase, investors surveyed the transfer history for 274 loans in a Chase trust, and found that none of the mortgages and notes were conveyed properly before the closing date. A 2012 case against Barclays Bank looked at three other securitizations, similarly finding that 99 percent of the mortgages were either unassigned to the trusts or assigned improperly.

The principle of privity—that nobody can sue on a contract to which they were not a party—has a pedigree of over three centuries, reaching back to the 1677 Statute of Frauds. And failing to honor it can lead to chaos, like multiple banks trying to foreclose on the same mortgage, or a bank foreclosing on homes without a mortgage.

Citigroup abruptly withdrew Mains's foreclosure in late 2010 and did nothing for two and a half years. When they re-filed for foreclosure in February 2013, Mains contested it, arguing the documentation was falsified to paper over the ownership questions. Citi produced an assignment of mortgage dated two years after the REMIC trust's 90-day window closed. Plus, the assignment claims to transfer a "deed of trust," even though those are not allowed in the state of Indiana.

Mains saw this as standing up for the rule of law. "I could have afforded to make my loan payment for the last four years," he said. "I made a six-figure salary at FDIC. But why should I be forced to modify my loan with someone who doesn't own it?"

[body_image width='1500' height='1125' path='images/content-images/2015/05/18/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/05/18/' filename='this-former-bank-regulator-quit-his-job-to-fight-for-his-house-514-body-image-1431958804.jpg' id='57102']

Eric Mains and Jon Schulte. Photo by Nicholas A. Karaffa

In court, Citigroup introduced Mains's promissory note, endorsed by a woman named Cynthia Riley who was no longer working for Washington Mutual at the time he purchased his loan. "One can imagine how impressed Mains was with Ms. Riley's work ethic," he wrote in his lawsuit, "in that she apparently decided to sneak back in the office for a day sometime after December 20, 2006 and make sure she personally endorsed Mains's note even though no longer employed as a bank officer or authorized to sign for WaMu." The assignment also featured a robo-signer named Jodi Sobotta, who signed countless documents as a JPMorgan Chase officer despite being employed by Lender Processing Services, a document manufacturing company.

Despite this evidence suggesting plenty of shady behavior, Mains suffered a string of losses in Indiana, where lenders must file foreclosures in court. Citi won summary judgment (essentially a ruling) in May 2013. Mains lost a motion to correct the judgment, and then lost again at the state court of appeals. He filed a motion to transfer to the Indiana Supreme Court on due process and equal protection grounds, but they denied the request.

Results like that are not an anomaly. In 2012, state and federal regulators opted against prosecuting the misconduct of banks and instead completed the National Mortgage Settlement. The settlement fined five big banks $25 billion but allowed them to pay much of it through routine activities they would likely perform anyway, or with other people's money.

With few exceptions, judges have been extremely reluctant to rule that trillions of dollars in mortgage securities are effectively nonexistent. "Courts are able to come up with escape routes to avoid tackling the bigger issue," said Tom Adams, an attorney and securitization expert with the New York firm Paykin, Krieg & Adams. "Generally, that's what judges do—address the least big legal issue that resolves the matter." The upshot of this is that falsified mortgage documentation continues to be produced for foreclosure cases around the country—and almost everyone has collectively decided that's not a problem.

"You've seen the suffering. I sympathize with these people, kicked out of their homes, forced to live in their cars. I have the resources and the knowledge—somebody has to do this." –Eric Mains

Regardless, people like Eric Mains continue to fight, with scattered success. Last month, a woman named Alena Hammer of DuPage County, Illinois, won a $2 million jury verdict by arguing improper foreclosure proceedings and consumer fraud. Los Angeles homeowner Tsvetana Yvanova is suing her bank in the California Supreme Court for failing to prove standing to foreclose, and she got an amicus brief of support from Kamala Harris, the state's attorney general.

Mains's current strategy is to fight absurdity with absurdity. In February, he rescinded, or canceled, the original loan. The Truth in Lending Act allows for rescission within three days of consummation of a mortgage, and within three years if there are undisclosed violations of the law—meaning ordinarily Mains would have no grounds for rescission. But he believes that, since the various banks cannot provide proper documentation, they cannot prove when the loan was consummated, giving him the ability to opt out whenever.

In other words, he's baiting his lender to prove standing to foreclose. "It's not my burden of proof," Mains told me. "They don't have the evidence."

This theory of rescission, which basically reverses the transaction and allows borrowers to get another mortgage to stay in their homes, gained traction after the Supreme Court ruled in Jesinoski v. Countrywide Home Loans this January that a borrower can bail simply by mailing notice to the lender within the stated time frame, rather than having to file a lawsuit. But Citigroup's lawyers argued in a letter that they would ignore the rescission because it wasn't timely. Mains believes this violates the Fair Debt Collections Practices Act because they are attempting to collect money they have no right to.

In a federal lawsuit against JPMorgan Chase, Citigroup, Lender Processing Services (now known as Black Knight Financial Services) and several law firms acting on their behalf, Mains is alleging violations of the Real Estate Settlement Procedures Act, the Truth in Lending Act, the Fair Debt Collections Practices Act, Indiana Common Law Fraud, along with counts of negligent misrepresentation and intentional infliction of emotional distress. "This is a real kitchen sink," said Adams, the securitization expert.

Mains is even accusing the defendants of violating the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations (RICO) Act, designed to fight organized crime. The lawsuit claims the various companies involved in Mains's loan acted as a criminal enterprise, "which committed fraudulent acts and attempted to collect on unlawful debt." RICO laws were recently (and controversially) used to convict teachers and school administrators in Atlanta of cheating on standardized tests, but they have rarely been employed against the banking industry.

Mains has had difficulty acquiring basic facts about his loan, including the unpaid principal balance. According to the lawsuit, the bondholder report does not even show the loan in default. Mains seeks these answers in discovery (the pretrial disclosure of facts) as a means to determine the extent of the fraud and the desired damages. (A spokesman for JPMorgan Chase said the company does not comment on pending litigation, and Citigroup and Black Knight did not respond to a request for comment.)

Washington Mutual was initially a named defendant, and Mains decided to quit his job because he believed the FDIC, who put Washington Mutual in receivership, could be pulled into the case. "If I'm going to pursue this, it'll be public knowledge," Mains said. "I can't be suing my employer." Mains posted a long explanation of his actions at the anti-foreclosure website Living Lies. "The court system failed homeowners, the (attorneys general) failed them, and the major media outlets most certainly have failed them," he wrote.

The ordeal has taken a tremendous toll on Mains. "I've been through divorce, I lost custody of my kid, I've been in the hospital due to high blood pressure." His case raises the question of why people in this position continue to fight, when seemingly everyone in a position of power has lined up against them. As Adams, the securitization attorney, put it, "Regardless of the actual merits of the argument, I'm not sure why borrowers continue to pursue it. Either unrealistic legal advice or eternal optimism?"

In Mains's case, he sees it as a simple matter of principle. "You've seen the suffering. I sympathize with these people, kicked out of their homes, forced to live in their cars," he said. "I have the resources and the knowledge—somebody has to do this."

Mains added that Chase, Citigroup and the others in this case had years to correct their practices and submit documents that passed muster. Instead, despite all the settlements, all the promises to clean up their acts, he believes they committed fraud and forgery on top of fraud and forgery, and tried to flush it through the system. It's as if two countries at war signed an armistice, but one side kept dropping the bombs anyway. And people like Eric Mains, stuck in their foxholes, keep fighting the war.

Because to them, it never ended.

Follow David Dayen on Twitter.

A New Test Can Tell from Your Fingerprints if You've Done Cocaine

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Photo via Flickr user Imagens Evangelicas

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

Continuing their war on fun, science's anti-party collective has rolled into your local high street on their high horse and carriage, proclaiming that they can now tell if you've been taking cocaine just by looking at your fingerprints.

Researchers at the University of Surrey have engineered a test that can differentiate between people who have ingested cocaine and people who've merely touched it. This is being hailed as a triumph in the circles of people who're tired of taking blood and urine samples, because, let's face it, blood and piss are fucking gross.

Related: "Art with Cocaine" is exactly what it sounds like.

The researchers at the University, along with others from Netherlands Forensic Institute, the UK's National Physical Laboratory, King's College London, and Sheffield Hallam University, a.k.a. the Avengers of fun-hating narco dweebs, have a very clever way of finding out how much Levamisole and powdered bleach you whisked up your hooter in the toilets of All Bar One last Friday after that big fight you had with Tracy.

"When someone has taken cocaine, they excrete traces of benzoylecgonine and methylecgonine as they metabolize the drug, and these chemical indicators are present in fingerprint residue," says Dr. Melanie Bailey from Surrey Uni, whose research could lead to the introduction of portable drug tests for police in the next decade.

Related: 'We Watched London's Weed Fanatics Getting Arrested in Hyde Park for 4/20'

Till then, from science: Testing your corneas to see if you've been watching any banned porn, testing you ear hairs to see how much you've listened to Smash Mouth's "All Star," and other ways for eggheads to get their revenge on a world that has never once invited them to a barn dance.

Follow Joe Bish on Twitter.

Why Big Businesses Are So Concerned with Quantifying Our Emotions

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This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

I've always been skeptical of attempts to peddle happiness, from the laughable claims of adverts promising joy via a sip of soda, to maniacally over-friendly restaurant staff. Because beyond the essentials we take for granted—such as food, safety, and shelter—I have always thought that a person's happiness is highly subjective; what makes me happy (RuPaul's Drag Race) might be very different from what makes you happy.

It wasn't until I read William Davies's fascinating new book, The Happiness Industry, that I realized how justified my skepticism might be. In the book, Davies defines the happiness industry as the attempt of big business and governments to monitor and quantify our moods, and use that data for their own ends. In some areas of economics, management, marketing, and neuroscience, he explains, our emotions have become a new resource to be bought and sold.

As a sociologist and political economist, Davies is uneasy about the idea that our innermost emotions could be quantified as data. Even if they could, he wonders, do we really want that data to be analyzed so that brands can sell us more stuff, apps can make more decisions for us and employers can take a more active role in our wellbeing?

The Happiness Industry is a brilliant, and sometimes eerie, dissection of our times. Companies mining the geodata of our tweets. Facial scanning in public places. Google's in-house "jolly good fellow." The attempt of market researchers and neuroscientists to locate the "buy button" in our brains—the precise area of grey matter that triggers us to fill our shopping baskets. It's all very unsettling, and it begs an important question: why is our happiness such a useful concept to powerful institutions? I spoke to Davies to find out.

VICE: What techniques and technologies does the happiness industry use to monitor our emotions?
William Davies: There are countless new apps and gadgets—way too many to name. To give a couple of examples, there's Affectiva, which uses a webcam to track consumers' smiles, and Beyond Verbal, which can analyze your tone of voice on the phone. Just this week I heard that IBM are working with a startup on a tool which analyzes your text messages in order to recommend you a therapist.

Then you've got wristbands like Jawbones and Fitbits, which seem to suggest that there's a scientific answer to how to live: "If you start doing this, you'll feel better." And I think that's very problematic, because there are complex reasons why people behave as they do—some people aren't simply able to just change what they do in response to data. Sometimes you'll just go and eat a McDonald's because you're feeling lonely. These gadgets claim to be completely evidence-based and have no philosophy in them, and I think that's slightly disingenuous. Clearly there's something missing in this data-led view of life—it doesn't touch upon the transcendent, life-changing, life-affirming forms of happiness that really don't lend themselves to science.

And why is data about our happiness valuable to big business and governments?
Businesses have been trying to predict and influence how people will behave for over a hundred years now. But in the last 20 years there has been a surge of interest in happiness and positive emotion because there's evidence that happiness in the workplace contributes to productivity, and because stress leads to absence from work. And there's also growing awareness in the world of marketing—which has been supported by neuroscience since the 1990s—that the best way for brands to develop consumer loyalty is to illicit a positive emotional reaction from consumers.

So should we be cynical about big businesses taking too much of an interest in our happiness?
Well, I'm not suggesting that their motives are sinister or that they're trying to brainwash and control us; it's more that we need to ask questions about the direction this is all taking, especially when it comes to advertising. Advertising has always had a manipulative dimension to it, and the behavioral sciences and neurosciences do a lot to support that. The first generation of American psychologists in the 1880s were already applying their findings to turn advertising into a scientific project to render people more predictable. So it has a long history. But I'm not entirely cynical. You don't want to fight positivity with negativity, because then you put yourself in a ridiculous position of celebrating misery, and that's not what the book is trying to do.

In the book you mention the mood experiments that Facebook conducted last year. Can you tell me more about them?
In the summer of 2014, Facebook published a paper in an academic journal about an experiment they conducted on something called "emotional contagion," which is the idea that your mood is influenced by the mood of the people you socialize with. Over the course of a month, Facebook manipulated the newsfeeds of around 700,000 people to see if they could influence the kinds of things people were posting. They used various monitoring techniques such as "sentiment analysis," in which computers are taught to recognize different moods in the words that people use online. They wanted to see if they could deliberately influence people's mood, and they discovered that they could.

Read: US Companies Are Throwing a Fit Because They're Losing Control Over the Internet

Ultimately, Facebook thinks of market researchers and marketers as its primary customers. We're not the customers of Facebook, we're the product being offered to the marketers. It's a difficult thing to talk about, because I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist. But I think we're moving into a society which has an eeriness about it. Everything seems to be working very well for us in certain ways, but sometimes it seems to be working too well. My phone recommends things for me to read, and sometimes it's quite accurate. Part of me would rather make those decisions for myself.

With Facebook, on the one hand it offers sincere interactions with friends, but there's always this lurking feeling that other stuff is going on. There's an uncanniness to it. You can't keep that in mind the whole time because you'd be a paranoid wreck, so we have to trust these platforms on some level. But you can't shake off the sense that we're being manipulated.

Is that the price we pay for using these tools for free?
I suppose it is, yes. I think free stuff has become a very powerful business tool. There's a chapter in the book about how the power of the social is being harnessed. When businesses talk about the "power of the social," what they really mean is a strategic generosity towards people as an attempt to entrench a level of commitment from them.

There was that story about Pret a Manger recently, where it was revealed that staff had been told to randomly give out free coffees, which shows how eliciting happiness from people can become a business strategy. Strategic doesn't mean it's fake, but it does mean that it has a prior agenda.

WATCH: The South Korean Love Industry:

Can you explain how the happiness industry could deflect attention from the things in our society that really need changing?
What concerns me about how happiness is being used in our current economic situation is that it tries to circumvent what people say about their own lives in order to offer expert interventions from brands or businesses. Economists have become more and more interested in our psychological response to things, and less interested in what caused the psychological response in a broader political or economic sense.

To give an example, the government is looking to offer "talking cures"—a kind of resilience training—in job centers to make sure people keep their motivation to seek work. People in psychotherapy and mental health services are furious about this, because it perpetuates the idea that you could be shat on by your circumstances, disenfranchised, and lonely, yet your happiness level reflects your ability or inability to manage it, rather than your difficult circumstances. The economy has been doing very badly for several years, and there aren't necessarily jobs available, so it seems like quite a suspect strategy.

For political economic change, it's important that we see exploitation where it happens for what it is. And I think it's a credit to Ed Miliband that he tried to take issue with zero hours contracts, which are very stressful. A lot of what the happiness industry does is patch people up so they can live lives that are actually very hard. I think we need to get back to a form of economics that focuses on the fact that unhappiness and distress are caused by circumstances and situations.

If the happiness industry is fraught with problematic ideas, what's the alternative?
I'm not suggesting we should live some kind of heroic, existentialist life, but I think there's something problematic in the extent to which people are seeking solace and security in huge infrastructures of data and audit. It's not a very optimistic book, but it is a hopeful one. I end it by saying we should criticize efforts to control us psychologically that happen without our permission. Especially because it's becoming harder and harder to identify where those efforts are coming from, with product placement and social media and so on. They integrate business strategy into our day to day social lives.

I'd like to see more cooperative workplaces, whereby if someone felt unhappy about something, as a member of a democratically controlled organization they could voice that in their own words (not as data collected by an app or a wristband) and it would feed into the decision making process. In some ways this is a more grown-up way of being unhappy than what is offered by the advertising and marketing industries, which say: "If you're frustrated, we'll remove it instantly." On the contrary, if you're part of a democratic organisation where you can voice your unhappiness, you run the risk that someone will say: "Sorry, you're part of a collective, you might have to live with that discomfort for a while."

Besides, it's not clear that this obsession with happiness is actually working. Because while the amount of time spent monitoring, managing, predicting, and optimizing individuals in this mechanistic way is increasing, levels of depression, stress, and loneliness continue to rise. So maybe we need to come at it from a different angle altogether, by acknowledging that people are conditioned by the institutions, organizations and cities that they live in. There are a lot of political problems that need to be confronted. And in some ways, we're right to feel unhappy about them.

Follow Rose on Twitter.

The Happiness Industry is out now, published by Verso Books.

The VICE Guide to Right Now: Elián González Took His First Selfie and Wants to Join Facebook

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Photo via WikiCommons

Elián González, the young Cuban immigrant who was torn from his uncle's house in Florida and deported to Cuba in 2000, is now 21, and he wants to be able to come back and visit America. González was only six when Border Patrol entered his relatives' home and forcibly removed him before sending him back to his father in Cuba. A picture taken during the operation, of a mustachioed officer pointing a gun at González's terrified face, won the 2001 Pulitzer for Breaking News.

Now, González has spoken to ABC News about his life as an adult in Cuba. He says he'd like to visit the United States as a tourist to "thank those people who helped [him]" and to visit DC. González was rescued from the ocean separating Cuba from Florida after a boat carrying him, his mother, and other would-be immigrants capsized. His mother did not survive.


ABC News Videos | ABC Entertainment News


"I remember when the boat capsized, when we fell on the sea," González told ABC. "I remember when I was put on the raft and my mom was covering me and I was raising my head, looking around... and at some point I raised my head and I didn't see her again ... I was alone in the middle of the sea."

González is engaged to his high school sweetheart, 22-year-old Ilianet Escaño, and ABC helped him take his first selfie with his fiancée. He says he will use the photo as his Facebook profile picture just as soon as he has enough internet in Cuba to sign up for an account. God bless America.

Want Some In-Depth Stories About Cuba?

1. You Might Be Able to Take a Ferry from Florida to Cuba Next Fall
2. 'Havana Motor Club' Looks at the Glory and Ingenuity Behind Cuba's Underground Drag Racing Scene
3. The Future of Cuba's Ballet Diplomacy
4. Cuba's Young, Salsa-Dancing Male Hustlers Are Going to Be Seducing a Lot More Rich Americans


Sexual Assault and Jon Krakauer's 'Missoula,' in Missoula

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Sexual Assault and Jon Krakauer's 'Missoula,' in Missoula

Everything We Know So Far About Sunday's Wild Biker Shootout in Waco, Texas

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People stand as officers investigate a shooting in the parking lot of the Twin Peaks restaurant Sunday, May 17, 2015, in Waco, Texas. Photo by Jerry Larson/AP

One minute customers of the Twin Peaks restaurants in Waco, Texas, were enjoying a "Sunday Fun Day" event with 29 degree drafts served by busty, plaid-clad waitresses. The next, they were taking cover and fearing for their lives after a bathroom fight spilled outside and turned a parking lot into a war zone of reckless gang violence.

Just after noon on Sunday, a scuffle between members of various motorcycle gangs turned into a full-blown melee of fists, chains, and guns. Now officials are saying that nine outlaws are dead, 18 are wounded, and 170 more are being detained for their participation in what the Sergeant W. Patrick Swanton of the Waco Police called "the worst crime scene — the most violent crime scene — that I have ever been involved in."

It seems like the dispute began over parking, but after the gang members shot at each other, they apparently turned their guns on police. Remarkably, no bystanders or police were hurt as officers and members of the Bandidos, Cossacks, and Scimitars gangs unloaded weapons outside a busy shopping plaza that includes a Mexican restaurant and an outdoor supplies store.

Police were already at the scene when the fight broke out because they anticipated problems with all the bikers congregating there. The Bandidos, formed in 1966 around Houston, is best known for its rivalry with the Hell's Angels, and has the distinction of being one of the most dangerous outlaw motorcycle clubs in the country, according to the Department of Justice. The Cossacks were established three years later, also in Texas, with the motto, "We take care of our own." Even less is known about the Scimitars, but they appear to be friendly with the Cossacks, as a May 2014 photo from the Odessa American shows members of both clubs volunteering to build a playground together.

In a Texas Gang Assessment report from April 2014, the Texas Department of Public Safety calls the Bandidos a "Tier 2" gang, along with the Bloods, Crips, and Aryan Brotherhood. Neither the Scimitars nor the Cossacks are mentioned.

Police say the owners of Twin Peaks, which hosts a regular Bike Night, actively courted the business of various motorcycle clubs despite multiple warnings. The authorities aren't the only ones who at least partially blame the owners for what happened on Sunday: The business's Facebook page is littered with angry comments, like one imploring them to enjoy their "blood money," and the national restaurant chain revoked the Waco franchise's charter on Monday. (The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission had already shut it down for at least seven days.)

As of 7:30 Sunday night, bodies were still in the parking lot, and by Monday afternoon, more than 100 weapons had been recovered from the scene. But even though the violence has stopped for now, almost 200 people are in the process of being booked for murder-related charges, with police suggesting the fighting might not be over. They anticipate possible retaliation.

"I will tell you that we have had threats against law enforcement officers throughout the night from various biker groups," Sergeant Swanton told CBS News. "We are very aware that some of them have come into our city, and we have a contingency plan to deal with those individuals as they try to cause trouble here."

Follow Allie Conti on Twitter.

This post has been updated.

Slugs Are Destroying the Businesses of Oregon's Sustainable Farmers

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Matt Crawford has begun taking overhead shots of his fields, like these, where he can see just how bad the damage is from slugs. Photo by Leah Sottile

When thunderclouds settle over the Willamette Valley, they lean on the edge of Matt Crawford's land. In the rolling hills of velvet green, some of Crawford's fields are so bright yellow, from ten miles away it looks as if they'd been lit underneath by spotlights.

For 155 years, the Crawford family has called this place Seabreeze Farms for the way the Pacific cool rolls through a break in the mountain range that separates the state from the sea, breathing soothing air over their farm and into the Willamette Valley: the beating heart of Oregon state. It's why some say the Valley produces wine as good as France, why, back when Crawford's kin first stuck a shovel in the soil here, people called this place the "promised land of flowing milk and honey."

Matt Crawford is what children think of when they hear the word farmer: He's a towering 41-year-old man in a pair of overalls. He works here with his father, Tom, 72, who greets strangers with a "good to know ya" and a sandpaper handshake. If anyone knows this land, it's the Crawfords. And yet, the family is finding itself at odds with something that's as typically Oregon as they are, a thing that is carving huge chunks out of that bright yellow field.

Slugs.

Oregon's trademark cool, wet weather is ideal for terrestrial gastropods, like the bright yellow native banana slug. And Oregonians have never shied away from embracing the gooey creature as their own. Eugene, Oregon crowns a "slug queen" each year. Tourist traps peddle slug souvenirs: Glass-blown slugs and slug books are sold at the Columbia Gorge's Crown Pointe; long, globby, plastic-antennaed magnets and yellow "slug crossing" squares are for sale at Multnomah Falls.

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Amity, Oregon farmer Matt Crawford walks into his field of forage brassica. Photo by Leah Sottile

But slugs aren't so funny when they're costing you money. Matt Crawford says last year alone his farm lost between $40,000 to $60,000 from slug damage. They're not alone. Researchers at Oregon State University recently called a "Slug Summit," packing a room with farmers and Christmas tree growers and nursery owners all panicking over slugs. Grass seed growers alone estimated some $15 million lost per year—all because of slugs. Researchers "know it's a problem," says Crawford. "I'm not sure they completely realize that it's getting worse and worse and worse."

In fact, slugs have become an expensive, existential problem for one of the state's largest industries—a problem, it seems no one knows how to fix. "Slugs remain a mystery," read headlines after the slug summit meeting.

On Motherboard: Pesticide-Fueled Toxic Slugs Are a Nightmare for Farmers

It's a mystery, perhaps, because of the tangle of issues surrounding slugs: a perfect storm of greener agricultural practices, a graying farming population, deep cuts in state budgets, and nonexistent research dollars.

What everyone can agree on is this: slugs have never been this big of an issue in Oregon.

"We've gone from 15, 20 years ago, where this wasn't a problem," another Willamette Valley farmer, Bruce Ruddenklau, tells me. "A good friend of mine says 'gosh, I've spread more slug bait in an hour than my Dad did in his entire career farming.' It's something we're not used to dealing with."

Everyone's got a theory, but some will even argue that this is a problem with roots 30-years-deep, one that started at 3:50 PM on August 3, 1988, with one of the bloodiest incidents to ever happen on Oregon soil.

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Plumes of smoke from field burning. Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Everything was black. Scattered across the interstate, the charred skeletons of burned cars and trucks steamed. Some looked as if they were made of wax, the way they melted into the blacktop.

On that day in 1988, a semi-truck ambled up the I-5 corridor when a plume of black smoke from a nearby farmer's field blew across the freeway, blocking the driver's vision. Field burning was common practice then for farmers, and the road was hazy that day—but this fire was out of control. When the black smoke blew over the roadway, that semi drove over a nearby van, locking a family of four inside where they burned to death.

The carnage was like a line of falling dominoes: two children were thrown from the back of a pickup. When their mother tried to save one, the other child was hit by another panicking driver. Seven people died that day, and 37 others were injured. One survivor told The Oregonian, all he could hear was "glass busting, metal crushing, and the screaming."

"You could pinpoint that as one of the first primary nails in the coffin for field burning," says Ruddenklau. In fact, the bloody incident triggered a two-decades-long fight in Oregon to ban farmers from field burning (which finally took effect in 2010). Field burning was often utilized by grass seed farmers to clear crop residue and curb erosion, but Oregonians were divided over the practice. Farmers saw burning as an emulation of what happens in nature; but others became worried about air quality and adverse health impacts. "This is not an urban-rural issue," representative Paul Holvey said before the legislature.

Ruddenklau disagrees. "People didn't like the big plumes of smoke," he says. "It's just one of those situations where it's just the... difference of opinion between urban society and rural society, and the lack of understanding of why it was being done."

Ruddenklau emphasizes that he doesn't miss the headaches presented by field-burning, and that it was being used excessively. But now that slugs are a problem on his land, he can see how burning may have helped control populations. Slugs, he says, love to make a home in the straw piles that cover fields after harvest. He used to be able to burn all of that away; now, he can't.

MUNCHIES: It's Not Easy Being a Young British Farmer

A farmers soil is like their bank account, or an investment fund. As Ruddenklau sees it, greener farming practices that ensure soil health are a no-brainer.

Both he and the Crawfords's operations have adopted "no-till" policies—which means they don't rake up the land after harvest, like a traditional farmer might. Plowing kills weeds and pests, but "the less you disturb your soil, the greater the soil biology can become," says Marie Vicksta, a Conservation Planner with the Yamhill Soil and Water Conservation District. So plowing isn't all it's cracked up to be, she says—it can lead to increased runoff and water pollution, and soil erosion.

But despite no-till's benefits, only 35 percent of American farmland has adopted the practice. Vicksta's organization has been promoting better land management practices like no-till to Oregon farmers, but not everyone's so eager to jump on board. Why? Slugs.

"The no till issue makes it worse. The fact that [farmers] don't field burn makes it worse," says George Hoffman, a faculty research associate at Oregon State University who has studied slugs. Without plowing or burning, there's just wet straw on the land. "Slugs love wet straw," Hoffman says.

So here are two farmers trying their best to adopt sustainable practices. But both Crawford and Ruddenklau say that the increases in slug numbers has made them seriously question no-till at one time or another—a practice they adopted because it is better for the earth, and for their bottom line.

"You go 'man we gotta find a way,'" Crawford says. "No till doesn't solve all problems, it just makes new problems."

Both say they've been at it long enough to keep going. But with slugs attacking tiller and no-tillers alike, they say there's probably no chance in hell other farmers would give no-till a shot. Not while slugs are such an issue.

"They throw up their arms. 'I don't want to invest into this and lose to slugs,'" Ruddenklau says. "In terms of water conservation, water quality—we're not necessarily gaining to the extent that we could."

And that's bad for everyone.

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A banana slug. Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Sam Sweeney rumbles around his 1900-acre farm in what is, essentially, an orange and black golf cart with oversized truck tires.

Sweeney took over his Dayton, Oregon farm from his dad in 1960, and now his son runs the day-to-day. Today, he drives his car past a long line of hazelnut trees and stops at his perennial ryegrass field. It's the lush green stuff you'll see carpeting suburban lawns and golf courses. He hits the brakes in a place where the land is bare, save for patches of wet straw.

Sweeney, in brown overalls splattered with mud and paint, pulls a knife from his pocket and flips over a pile of straw. "Here's one," he says, pointing with the blade. It's so small I have to strain to see it, but when I do, it looks like a tiny, drop of milky-colored water. But once we see one, we see more—tiny goobers that look as if someone blew their nose in the straw.

"What are you gonna do with it?" I ask.

"I'm gonna step on this one," he says.

It's a grey field slug, an invasive European species that has overrun everything from Oregon farms to home gardens. And unlike the native banana slugs—the ones pictured on those "Slug Xing" magnets—the grey field slug "basically eats first and asks questions later," Hoffman, the researcher from OSU, says. "They'll eat just about anything."

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Sam Sweeney has been farming in the Willamette Valley since the 1960s. Photo by Leah Sottile

No amount of squishing slugs could help Sweeney's farm, he says. The farm lost 10 percent of a field of ryegrass planted last fall. "That land should be paying rent," he says. "It's gotta pay taxes."

Sweeney has been vocal about conservation efforts in the Willamette Valley, but even he's reluctant to embrace no-till. "Fact is, within the county there's probably only two or three growers that do it, and I don't know why they do it... God bless 'em," he says. "It's just too much chance of losing the whole thing."

Tilling or no tilling, the way Willamette Valley farmers see it, there's just one way to lick the slug problem: bait. And as far as baiting goes, there are essentially two primary varieties, and both present issues.

Most farmers use a kind called metaldehyde—a substance that, in Britain, has been restricted after it was found in drinking water. Metaldehyde won't kill earthworms, which is important because healthy soil means having a lot of earthworms.

Problem is, earthworms love eating metaldehyde.

In case you missed that: Slug bait gets eaten by earthworms. It doesn't kill them. But by them stealing it, no slugs die either. So a farmer like Crawford, who says "we have more nightcrawlers than you could imagine," could spend all day baiting his fields for slugs, and in a couple of days, all of it could be gone because of earthworms.

It's a gamble to get a slug to actually crawl to a piece of bait, eat it, and die. Hoffman says those odds get even worse because slug baits don't hold up well against rain. And in Oregon, a state that might see 160 days of rain per year, that's some terrible news for farmers.

So: on the off chance that it hasn't rained too much, and a slug goes for a piece of bait, eats it and gets sick, Hoffman says that might not end well. "If ... they eat something they don't like, or it makes them sick, then they learn not to eat it," he says. "They learn what is making them sick."

What the hell is a farmer to do?

"We just keep on doing what we've always done," Sweeney says, "And just cross our fingers and pray."

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Slug souvenirs can be found at most Oregon tourist spots. These magnets, of native banana slugs, were for sale at the Columbia Gorge's Multnomah Falls. Photo by Leah Sottile

Amy Dreves likes to say that people have to "follow the slime trail" to figure out Oregon's slug problem. She's an OSU research and extension entomologist—someone who studies insects. Dreves doesn't study slugs specifically, that's what a malacologist does.

She laughs over the phone about the issues presented by Oregon's slugs: "A grower said, 'Let's hire a slug psychologist!'"

She and Hoffman agree that there's no "magic bullet" approach to killing off slugs and saving agriculture in the Willamette Valley. It's going to take a slug expert to figure it out, and that's going to cost a lot of money. And it "may require big changes to farming," Dreves says.

Nicole Anderson, who works for OSU's agricultural extension service, says Oregon State is pleading for $16 million from the legislature, part of which would fund slug research.

Extensions like Anderson's historically provided farmers with the latest scientific information to help them do their job. Where Sam Sweeney remembers five or six extension agents being at his disposal, now there's just Anderson. She says she's responsible for aiding farmers in up to four counties.

"It means that farmers sometimes depend more and more on private consultants" for new information, she says. "The problem there is they're often tied to sales of products. It makes unbiased scientific based information harder to get at."

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Photo by Leah Sottile

When it comes to slugs, Anderson tries to be an ally to farmers. But "when there's less bodies, there's less ability to generate information as quickly as it was in the past."

But farmers can't wait for money to come through. They can't wait for more extension agents to reappear. They can't wait for a malacologist to be hired and answer why slugs are suddenly devastating Oregon farmers. They're losing money right now.

Hoffman says right now the onus is on farmers to get creative. "You need better farmers," he says. "People really willing to look and manipulate things, and play around with things and make changes."

But, he points out, there's an inherent problem there, too: with the average age of an American farmer pushing 60 years old, how much gas does a farmer have left to figure out the slug problem?

"In our society, change is scary," Matt Crawford says. "More so than it probably ever has been before, and that makes me worry that progress will be very slow and very hard."

Bruce Ruddenklau agrees. He says he scratches his head how the slug could be so closely associated with Oregon state, and yet there isn't anyone who knows how to fix this problem:

"We know more about the backside of the moon," he says, "than what's under our feet."

Follow Leah Sottile on Twitter.

Why Males Exist

The VICE Guide to Right Now: Jon Hamm Has a Spinoff Idea Where Sally Draper Becomes the Female Forrest Gump

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Photo via the Mad Men Wiki

At Sunday night's "Farewell to Mad Men" party in Los Angeles last night, Jon Hamm was asked about characters he'd like to see live on in Mad Men spinoff shows, à la Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad. According to Entertainment Weekly, Hamm shrugged at the idea of spinoffs and prequels, saying that "it would be less fulfilling, somehow." That said, he did come up with a killer series based around Don Draper's daughter, Sally, played by 15-year-old Kiernan Shipka.

"We would want to watch Sally grow up," Hamm said. "Move through the 70s and turn into a rock star... Ride a motorcycle and kill a guy. Make a bunch of money and then become Oliver Stone in the 80s. Date Kurt Cobain in the 90s. She's just a touchstone for every generation. Yeah, I'd watch that show. Sally Through the Decades."

All those touchstones sound a bit like the credulity-stretching convergences in Forrest Gump—but with a dying mom and an absentee father, and now doomed to be raised by her aunt and uncle, Sally's got a long post-Mad Men road ahead of her. Why not ride on a hog?

Want Some In-Depth Stories About Mad Men?

1. Watch Our Documentary About the Real Don Draper
2. Betty Draper Will Soon Be Set Free
3. What I Learned from Watching 'Mad Men'
4. The 'Mad Men' Writers Are Working on a Show About NASA in the '60s

When Will the City That Never Sleeps Stop Sleeping on Remy Banks?

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When Will the City That Never Sleeps Stop Sleeping on Remy Banks?

The World of Hearses Just Had One of the Strangest Weeks Ever

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Photo via US Navy/Wikimedia Commons

Hearse drivers are heroes. Carting fresh corpses from morgue-to-mortuary-to-funeral-to-graveyard, along imperfect roads, in imperfect motor vehicles driven by imperfect human beings is logistically tricky, yet somehow these operations are almost always executed with precision.

Sadly, with well over 100,000 people dying every single day, there are bound to be a few hiccups, and the past week has been exceptionally troubling for the hearse driving profession and its patrons. Four recent incidents highlight just how hard it is to maintain the air of dignity we insist on from our corpse-mobiles.

People Got Mad Because a Veteran's Hearse Driver Stopped at Dunkin' Donuts

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When Rob Carpenter popped into his local Dunkin' Donuts in New Port Richey, Florida, he spotted a hearse in the parking lot. The hearse drivers, he noticed, were inside the D&D getting coffee while the curtains on the hearse were open, revealing a flag draped over the casket, indicating the deceased was a veteran. Also, the hearse was double parked.

While there's not a law on the books that says you're not allowed to stop at Dunkin' Donuts if you're driving a hearse with a flag-draped casket in the back, it is generally frowned upon. The president of the funeral home said that if a stop must be made while transporting the body of a service member one person should stay in the car with the casket. Rob Carpenter put his video of the hearse online, and the drivers wound up getting fired.

Viewed another way, the drivers were at work, and they were buying coffee to go. People need coffee! But yeah, they still probably deserved to be fired.

People in Wales Followed the Wrong Hearse for Nine Miles

Wales Online reported last week that a hearse containing the body of Mair Howard, a 71-year-old Welsh woman, went into a roundabout with another hearse, resulting in a bit of a mixup. Members of the procession got confused and followed the wrong hearse for nine miles.

Howard's mourners believed they were on their way to Freystrop Cemetery, but instead found themselves en route to "Parc Gwyn Crematorium in Narberth." Eventually they got a confused text from others in their procession who were grieving in the right place, and that's when—if it hadn't been a funeral for their loved one—they all would have had a good laugh.

The minister said the event was "straight out of Only Fools and Horses," a British sitcom in which I understand someone showed up at the wrong funeral, which must have been funny because it wasn't true.

A Hearse in Germany Went Off the Road


Translation: "Corpse Bites the Dust!"

On Thursday, the German tabloid Bild got their hands on a photo of a hearse somewhere near Stuttgart that had somehow lost control and got reefed on a traffic island. That's pretty much the whole story (link is in German).

However, did you know that the German word for hearse is "leichenwagen"? If you've ever noticed the way German nouns click together like legos, you probably already guessed that means "corpse car."

A Body Rolled Out of a Hearse in New Zealand

On Tuesday in Papatoetoe, New Zealand, some kind of latch or mechanism on a hearse catastrophically failed in the middle of a busy intersection, and a gurney containing a dead body wrapped in a sheet rolled out onto the asphalt. "I was just parked there and all of a sudden I saw the funeral car's boot open and something slipping out, and it was a body," an anonymous onlooker told the New Zealand Herald .

Heavy rains quickly turned the sheet sopping wet. A helpful teenager leapt into action, and helped the frazzled driver load the cargo back into the hearse. Then, according to the Herald, the corpse was "inspected immediately and was unharmed." At first blush,"unharmed" seems like the wrong word for someone who is dead, but then again, "undamaged" feels even worse.

So yes, the dead body was unharmed. Sure.

Follow Mike Pearl on Twitter.


The VICE Guide to Right Now: Obama Is on Twitter Now and Has Yet to Use a Hashtag

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What Barry might look like planning his next tweet via WikiCommons

President Barack Obama posted his first tweet on his shiny new Twitter account this morning. Now it's only a matter of time until he's talking about Mad Men and terrible Dubsmash lip-sync videos and complaining about his secret service detail in rambling tweets. This will be different than the old @WhiteHouse account, since @POTUS will be run exclusively by Obama, instead of his communications department. According to a blog post announcing the account on WhiteHouse.gov, the account "will serve as a new way for President Obama to engage directly with the American people, with tweets coming exclusively from him." Now you can hit up @POTUS and ask him if he likes Pro Era as much as his daughter.

Want Some In-Depth Stories About Politics?

1. The Strange Lives of Failed Presidential Candidates
2. How Bernie Sanders Shaped the Northeast Punk Scene
3. Why Does Bill de Blasio Think He Can Save the Democratic Party?
4. How Mike Huckabee Turned Running for President into a Business Empire

VICE Vs Video Games: Konami, Like Atari, Is Risking Its Legacy in Striving for Longevity

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The character Quiet has stirred plenty of controversy long before 'Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain' is even out.

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

When the news came through, over the past weekend, that Konami's focus going forward would be on the mobile gaming market, I didn't know whether to sigh or cry (only to tweet: "fucked it"). Something like this had been anticipated: The corporation's recent handling of its relationship with Metal Gear Solid director Hideo Kojima has been nothing short of outright hostile, and the subsequent cancellation of Silent Hills—Kojima and Guillermo del Toro's Silent Hill series reboot—got even the most optimistic gamer to thinking: They really are pulling the plug, aren't they? Shit.

Nevertheless, until recently, how crazy would you have to be to seriously think that a company with the history of Konami, with its great many iconic series— Castlevania, Silent Hill, Metal Gear Solid, Contra, Pro Evolution Soccer/Winning Eleven (the list does go on)—would choose to withdraw from "traditional" games making. A screw loose wouldn't come close—you'd be shedding entire sheets of cladding. But here we are.

Having set up shop in the late 1960s in Osaka, and now headquartered in Tokyo, Konami grew as a presence in the arcades through the late 1970s and early 80s. Frogger was one of theirs, likewise Track & Field and the superb side-scrolling beat 'em up take on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Dance Dance Revolution is a Konami series, and in terms of home-market releases the company's gone beyond conversions of its own arcade hits to deliver quirky cult classic Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon and the awesome Mega Drive platformer Rocket Knight Adventures. If you grew up on gaming in the 1980s and 90s, you grew up on Konami.

"Our main platform will be mobiles," is what Konami executive Hideki Hayakawa has now said, albeit as translated by a NeoGAF user from the original Nikkei Trendy Net interview, here (and in Japanese, obviously). And not just that—Konami's approach to going mobile will be aggressive, in line with popular freemium titles like Clash of Clans and Game of War, as well as their own Power Pro baseball games, which Hayakawa referenced directly: "Following the pay-as-you-play model of games like Power Pro and Winning Eleven with additional content, our games must move from selling things like 'items' to selling things like 'features.'"

Which all sounds... horrible, basically. Hayakawa's statement that "mobile is where the future of gaming lies" might not be enough just now to confirm Konami's complete withdrawal from the console market, but the signs certainly point towards that fate. The company's very public falling out with Kojima sends the message that Konami are done with games makers, in the traditional sense, and are more interested in games marketers. They need the lucre, regardless of whether or not the love comes with it.

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'Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night' is the new project from 'Castlevania' legend Koji Igarashi.

They know what prized assets they're sitting on, yet are apparently comfortable to turn a blind eye to them. While the most recent game to bear the Castlevania name wasn't exactly amazing, the new Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night project from Koji Igarashi, who has credits on several franchise entries, provides evidence that the playing public would bite Konami's hand off for more of that classic side-on gothic gameplay. Bloodstained has made over $2 million on Kickstarter at the time of writing, more than four times its goal. "The spirit of this genre lives on in the hearts of others," comments Igarashi in his pitch video—though seemingly not at Konami, where Castlevania laid its roots in 1986.

Mobile is a relatively new market for Konami, albeit an area they've been steadily growing (they're not going into this blindly), and it'll be interesting to see how they fare if the company's core ambitions lie there. Part of me wishes them well, as it'd be a disaster for a company of such amazing legacy to completely fade away from relevance in contemporary gaming. Nostalgia has to be parked when there are more than just a handful of jobs on the line, and if Konami's change in strategy keeps it competitive, albeit in a different section of the gaming industry, then anyone assessing the move objectively will consider it a success.

Konami is also active in the gambling machine scene, with its department president, Thomas A Jingoli, also the president of the Association of Gaming Equipment Manufacturers, which makes another report to have come out over the weekend all the more interesting. A change to the law in Nevada—you know, where some small town called Las Vegas can be found—has opened the way for "skill-based" gambling machines to be introduced. This essentially means that more typically video game-y content can factor into whether or not the punter turns a profit on their betting.

Related: Watch our documentary on the world of eSports

An excerpt from the official statement from AGEM reads: "...true skill-based gaming, arcade-game elements, hybrid games, and other unique features and technologies [will feature on] the casino floor for the first time... If you're particularly skilled at shooting down enemy planes in the bonus round or outracing your friends in a road rally, you could boost your payback to 98 percent, with the blended overall payback selected by operators falling somewhere in the middle. For the first time, players will know they can have a material financial impact on the outcome of the game." You can already picture a raft of Konami characters being forced into fancier versions of one-armed bandits for the sake of five minutes' "gameplay."

To those of us who grew up in the West with the arcade hits and 16-bit-era originals, who came to understand Konami as a superpower developer from the mystical Far East, it might be shocking to learn that, actually, the company's revenue's not been dominated by its gaming activity for some time. It owns casinos and health clubs, and has made a tremendous profit from designing and manufacturing pachislot and pachinko machines since 1992, making a Snatcher sequel about as likely as your mum becoming a CounterStrike champion in her 60s. At least through Konami, as who knows what Kojima will do when operating independently, and which of his old creations he'll be able to recover access to, like Double Fine's Tim Schafer has previous LucasArts projects.

Konami's failure to assure Metal Gear fans that everything was peachy while the Kojima's-about-to-jump-ship rumors were hitting their stormiest peak speaks might speak volumes about the company line on its creative talents. That they're assets, not artists, is one way you might have read official statements which seemed to prioritize the rebranding of Twitter accounts above the employment status of their greatest-ever designer/director. It's all dangerously close to how another old giant of gaming has been treating one of its own alumni.

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Sure, it never looked much, but Atari's 'Missile Command' (here seen in its 2600 port) was an early arcade classic (via 8-bitcentral.com).

Atari—you know: Missile Command, Asteroids, Gauntlet, Breakout, and Escape from the Planet of the Robot Monsters—revealed its gambling ambitions throughout 2014, finally launching its Atari Casino website in November. The company's CEO Fred Chesnais made it clear that the past was just that, and that on top of its business in taking real money off online punters, Atari was "more than a software brand... it's a hardware brand." "Hardware" in this instance didn't mean the development of a new console—he meant merchandise bearing the Atari brand, any tat that could be sold to those loyal to the logo. "A generational brand," is how Chesnais referred to Atari, "a lifestyle brand."

Jeff Minter doesn't see Atari as a "lifestyle brand"—the designer of Tempest 2000 for Atari's Jaguar console considers the company an "undead corpse" of its former self, having been blocked from porting his Vita hit TxK to other platforms on account of it being (okay, more than) a bit like Tempest 2000. He's called them "copyright trolls," pointing out that clones of Tempest 2000 are readily available, and yet Atari isn't coming down on those developers. It makes you wonder what Kojima's private thoughts must be on Konami. Perhaps this whole Quiet doll thing is his way of sabotaging the Metal Gear Solid V campaign?

Remember when Kojima would tweet pictures of his lunch, rather than slightly pervy dolls? You just might be into MUNCHIES.

There's plenty of precedent in place when it comes to the fates of games companies reluctant to progress, or that attempt to do so with poorly realized strategies, or simply too many crap games. They die. Sometimes quietly, gracefully, with our sympathies; and sometimes with a muted bang at the end of a build-up of overpoweringly depressing magnitude, as was the case with THQ. For Konami, and Atari, to survive, they feel they have to change—past glories cannot guarantee longevity. Having Metal Gear Solid in your locker clearly isn't enough to secure Konami's future, as they see it.

Wired's Matt Kamen perhaps nails this sea change best with the headline, "Konami: 'traditional' games just aren't worth the effort." It really does seem, as Silent Hills is scrapped, Kojima hung out to dry, and the minimum-costs, maximum-profits mobile model embraced, that a several-times-crowned champion of arcade and console gaming is ditching its legacy because, basically, making games is too bloody hard in 2015. It takes absolutely ages, and then some shithead reviewer might give the end result a 4/10, knocking your Metascore below 70 and several heads from their shoulders in the process. It's much easier not to do a new Castlevania—but a Simon Belmont-starring endless runner with microtransaction perks and timed-release upgrades? That might keep the shareholders from sighing while I'm crying, just a little.

Follow Mike on Twitter.

How Cardboard Signs Changed the Face of Panhandling in America

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Through the ages, the art of panhandling has required of its practitioners equal measures of patience, persistence, and moxie. But the practice has been revolutionized in recent years by the addition of an unlikely yet indispensable skill-set: literary finesse.

The most important tool of the trade these days is the soggy underside of a cardboard box, upon which is scrawled a message that can be creative, poignant, provocative, heart-rending, inspirational, or funny enough to part you from your money.

Despite their primitive appearance, these signs represent an important technology for panhandlers, a way for them to tell their stories of hard luck to passing pedestrians and motorists. You see sign-holders on street corners everywhere now, in big cities and small towns across the country.

"It's a whole new industry," says Stacy Horn Koch, the former director of homeless policy for the city of New Orleans and now in the same position in Atlanta. "We ought to tax them!"

The practice is often called "flying a sign." It's a sales pitch, a street-corner PowerPoint presentation, a cry for help. In some cities, it is, indeed, a cottage industry—quite literally, a sign of the times.

"The panhandler reminds the American public that not everyone is making it in our society, and that makes them uncomfortable," says Michael Stoops, director of community organizing for the National Coalition for the Homeless, based in Washington, DC.

Koch, no fan of the practice, says that discomfort translates into animosity. As an advocate for the homeless, she says sign-flyers are tapping into the limited pool of sympathy money in any community. "It makes the public really angry," she says. "Because every time they stop at a corner, someone is banging on their window asking for money. It creates a total lack of empathy and sympathy for the homeless."

Related: Miley Cyrus has launched a charity for homeless LGBT youth.

With its accommodating winter temperatures, libertine social attitudes, and institutionally detached police force, my city of New Orleans—long a destination for vagrants—is now overrun with sign-flyers. The famously wide, European-style boulevards here, with their broad and spacious median strips—known locally as "neutral grounds"—have become prime real estate for this popular form of panhandling.

Seemingly every major intersection in this town now features at least one, if not four—or more—ostensibly down-on-their-luck folks counting on the kindness of strangers.

"The reason people do it is because it gets results," says Marjorie Esman, director of the Louisiana chapter of the ACLU, which has advocated—not only here, but across the country—for the rights of sign-flyers. "You can choose to give them money or choose not to give them money. But if it didn't get results, people wouldn't do it."

Out on the streets of the city, the folks who actually fly the signs will tell you that nobody's getting rich by holding up a piece of cardboard.

The association of panhandlers with drugs and alcohol is both predictable and easy.

"It's not what I'd call profitable," one sign-flyer told me recently. "It's more like the luck of the draw, or even more like fishing: On a good day, you catch some money."

He identified himself, after careful consideration, as "Drew." His short beard was meticulously groomed and his clothes were clean, but he claimed to be homeless and genuinely desperate. His wife, who appeared to be asleep, lay stretched in the shade across a cement wall under a nearby interstate overpass. She is suffering from schizophrenic spells, he said. All their money and identification was apparently in her purse when it was stolen at a bus station six months ago.

Drew's been working intersections just outside New Orleans's famed French Quarter ever since the theft, while the two of them—natives of the Pacific Northwest—try to figure out what to do and where to go next.

"Maybe some of these people out here want to be doing this, but I don't," he said. "It's humbling. It's humiliating. People judge you. They scream, 'Get a job!' And I say, 'Give me one!" but they've already got their window rolled up and are driving away. What they don't know is that without any identification, I can't get a job."

Drew says $30 constitutes a good day's wage. "That's enough for two people to eat, plus cigarettes and, well... other stuff, sometimes."

He considered his next words carefully, tucking his sign under his arm and squinting off in the direction of the setting sun. "Everyone out here has issues, man," he went on. "And everyone out here is on drugs or alcohol. That's probably just what you want to hear, but it's true."

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Flying a sign in Las Vegas. All photos by Mary Lou Uttermohlen

The association of panhandlers with drugs and alcohol is both predictable and easy. (The third link in the chain is mental illness.) When I approached a guy who identifies himself as the Apple Man and was working across the intersection from Drew this past Mother's Day, before I could even finish asking him what circumstances have brought him to this point, he blurted out: "Addiction!"

He's called the Apple Man because he smokes his weed out of cored apples. He said he's been flying signs since Hurricane Katrina, ten years ago this summer, and that it's a more lucrative—and hassle-free—alternative to bumming spare change from tourists in the French Quarter.

New Orleans is one of many cities across the US that has enacted "aggressive panhandling" legislation, which can be interpreted in some jurisdictions as any interaction in which one person asks another for money.

"If I walk up to you on the sidewalk and ask you for a dollar, that's 'aggressive panhandling,'" the Apple Man explained. "I can go to jail for that. I have gone to jail for that. But if I just stand here with a sign, that's legal. That's my First Amendment."

Esman, from the ACLU, concurs. "Nobody has a constitutional right not to be offended," she says. "But everybody does have the right to free speech. That's the price we pay for living in a free society."

The Apple Man is a rough-looking character to be sure, beat down by life on the streets and bearing facial scars and open wounds on his hands that mark a hard existence.

But not everyone out here seems so street-worn.

At sunset one evening a couple weeks ago, I met a twentysomething woman named Jesse who had just finished a three-hour shift on the streets outside of the French Quarter.

Jesse and other scammers like her are the minority, the experts say. Most folks you see standing there with imploring eyes are truly, well, imploring.

She had several signs tucked into her backpack, each scrawled with messages depicting varying levels of desperation, whimsy, or gratitude—depending on what she perceived to be the prevailing mood of motorists on any given day.

"If it's a nice car, like a European import, you want to look really needy," she said.

All of her signs had "God Bless" written across the bottom. That's a trope now. Whether your claim is that of a homeless veteran or a Katrina victim or just a wise-ass gutterpunk with a sign that says, "I need beer," writing "God Bless" on the bottom of your sign is telling passersby that you're safe, you're good, you're just unlucky, but you're right with the Lord.

People want to know that.

But here's the thing about Jesse: She's not homeless. She's not desperate. She just sees sign-flying as a better alternative to the waitressing job she told me she just quit.

"I hate people. I couldn't stand working in that restaurant anymore," she said. "So I started flying the sign and found out I can make as much—or more—money doing this than I did at the restaurant. In half the time."

She paused and added, "And I don't have to deal with asshole customers."

Jesse and other scammers like her are the minority, the experts say. Most folks you see standing there with imploring eyes are truly, well, imploring.

"If someone appears to be young and able, but is still flying a sign, my assumption is that they are in need," says Stoops, from the National Coalition for the Homeless. "Otherwise they would not be doing the undignified act of asking strangers for money."

Esman echoed that sentiment: "Somebody might look to you like they are perfectly healthy and able to get a job, but maybe they are not. You can't tell what burdens people carry just by their appearance. Those of us who have better advantages will never know what it's like for those who don't."

Stoops and Esman say flying a sign is not so much a trend as much as it is the new face of an age-old institution: begging.

"It's part of the urban—and even suburban—way of life, and it's not going to go away," Stoops added.

Chris Rose is a New Orleans-based freelance writer, Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter and author of the New York Times bestseller 1 Dead in Attic.

Mary Lou Uttermohlen is an editorial based photographer in New Orleans and has a long term personal project documenting the homeless.

Six Unbelievable Easter Eggs from Last Night’s 'Mad Men' Finale

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Jon Hamm as Don Draper in 'Mad Men.' Photo by Justina Mintz. Courtesy of AMC. All other images courtesy of AMC, altered by the author

Warning: Spoilers ahead.

Last night's Mad Men finale gave fans everything they wanted: baby-boomer nostalgia, wide lapels, and Don Draper channeling existential crises into corporate advertisement. Plus, a final Coca-Cola ad that must rank among the most moving product placements in television history. The Matthew Weiner penned-and-directed episode also featured plenty of drinking and smoking along with understated but happy endings for the various characters. However, it was so understated that you may have missed these mind-blowing Easter Eggs that Weiner put in for serious fans:

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1) Don Reenacts JFK Assassination

Your parents remember where they were when JFK was assassinated , but will you remember where you were when Mad Men reenacted the tragedy? For the last few episodes, Don has been having a whirlwind road trip around America after fleeing New York and his job at McCann Erickson. In the finale, when Don is driving through Dallas, Texas, he suddenly and unexplainably flings his head back and to the left. The camera then cuts to a quick shot of Bob Benson... standing on a grassy knoll!

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2) Peggy Invents Tentacle Porn

In the third-to-last episode, Roger Sterling gives Peggy Olson a print of The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife, a famous erotic painting that features "an octopus pleasuring a woman." Olson hangs it on her wall. You can see it behind her when she hears about Lou Avery—her old boss—moving to Japan to work on a children's comic strip. After saying, "I could write comics!" Peggy can be seen looking at the painting and then furiously scribbling notes on her notepad. Did we just witness the invention of tentacle porn? Wow. We always knew Peggy was destined for greatness.

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3) Titular Lines

Observant Mad Men fans will have noticed that Matthew Weiner has made sure that almost every character has spoken a titular line at some point in the final season. In the second-to-last episode, Pete explains quitting McCann by telling Trudy, "It's mad! Men keep offering me jobs!" The episode before that, Joan takes her payout. Sneering at her former coworkers, she asks, "Why are you all so mad, men?" In the finale, a heartbroken Don Draper tells his one-time protégé Peggy why he quit advertising to wander around America: "The people at McCann are just normal ad men, but at Sterling Cooper we were brilliant, sparkling, crazy, insane, mad men!"

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4) The Origins of Dick Whitman

Like Game of Thrones fans with Jon Snow, Mad Men fanatics have long speculated about the true parentage of Don Draper. Is he actually named Don Draper, or is he the shadowy, mysterious figure known as Dick Whitman? And if he is secretly Dick Whitman, what does that name mean? Although Draper's origins will be debated by fans for decades—my personal favorite theory is that "Draper" is a century-old skin-shedding demon who murdered paranormal detective Lane Pryce in season five to keep his true nature a secret. After all, we did find out the origins of the name Dick Whitman when, during one of Don Draper's characteristic fever dreams, he was visited by the ghosts of Dick Tracy and Walt Whitman who simultaneously said, "Don, I am your father."

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5) Carousels Were Everywhere

Probably the most heart-wrenching scene in Mad Men history is Don's tear-jerky ad pitch explaining how Kodak can exploit childhood nostalgia to sell camera products by calling their slide wheel "the Carousel." Mad Men called back to that scene at least three times in the finale. Obviously, there was the after-credits scene of Don Draper riding a carousel. More subtly, Betty trips over a Kodak Carousel after her college course. Finally, in Don's fever dream, as he's being lectured on the value of corporate advertising in selling feelings to people by Walt Whitman and Dick Tracey, a carousel floats by in the background being ridden by a single person: the ghost of Glen who died in the Vietnam War... and is played by Matthew Weiner's actual (living) son! Spooky!

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6) Mad Men Takes Place in The Sopranos Universe

In season six, Duck Phillips revealed that Bob Benson, like Don Draper, is a con man. But who is he conning for? Could it be... the mob from HBO's The Sopranos? Mad Men creator Matthew Wiener cut his teeth writing for The Sopranos, so many fans have wondered if the two shows exist in the same universe and if Don and Tony might ever meet. That seems likely after a scene where Bob Benson is seen talking to a man named "Junior" who tells Bob, "You got stugots ordering the gabagool here!"

Be sure to rewatch the finale to catch these, and let us know if there are any Easter eggs we missed. Thanks so much for the memories, Matthew Wiener: You truly are a mad man!

Related: The Real 'Mad Men'?

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How Five More Years of Tory Rule Will Change Britain for the Worse

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This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

Reality is under threat. After the Conservative election victory, there's no telling when some floppy-haired junior minister might come along and cut away the services you depend on in order to shave a percentage point off the deficit. But there are other, deeper transformations we should also be worried about. Changes in the economy don't just wreck lives; they can alter the structure of how we see the world around us.

Before the start of the Thatcher era, economic activity was still broadly understood as something that resulted in the creation of an actual, tangible commodity. Many large industries and utilities were still nominally owned by the general public, and the idea that this should change would have seemed like political fantasy. Now, as big companies weightlessly bring value into being through a constant stream of annoying pop-up ads, an economy built on state-owned enterprises seems to belong to a lost era, as British and defunct as pith helmets, royal executions, and the saber-toothed tiger.

Before Tony Blair began his lubricated slide into power, the notion that politicians should be preening, media-friendly automatons, figures with the same number of catchphrases as a toy with a string in its back, was something dangerously American. But today, as the 21st century hits its difficult teenage years, it seems guaranteed that any British election will be won by the candidate who most closely resembles processed cheese. These things persist, whoever takes power afterwards. What was once a lurid caricature of evil is soon old-fashioned common sense. As Karl Marx noted, "history progresses by its bad side."

It's impossible to say exactly what ten years of Tory rule will do to the way we see the world. In the last five years, food banks have gone from being almost unheard of to something relied upon by nearly a million people, while new homes seem just as much for living in as they are dark, empty presences that only indicate some billionaire diversifying their portfolio. Maybe that short period when nobody had to worry about dying from cholera will soon seem like a brief, stupid daydream.

In any case, if things keep going the way they are, and you squint hard enough, we could end up with a Britain that looks something like this:

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Photo by JJ Ellison.

YOU WILL NO LONGER BE YOURSELF

In the first phase of neoliberalism, from the 1970s onwards, its main cultural focus was on atomization. The goal was to create a new human being, the individual, scared and utterly alone, whose feeble and meaningless interactions with other individuals could only take place through some kind of market exchange. This was achieved primarily through the assault on the labour unions, but there were other avenues, too: the financialization of football, the mass sell-off of council housing, the creation of a carefully commodified alternative culture and the use of police violence against working-class communities.

It's worked: Online dating and social networks now have us selling ourselves like inert objects, and it doesn't even feel weird. We're all fringed by void. But it's not enough: The atomized individual still offers a slight capacity for resistance. So they're trying to break that up as well.

Once, job centers at least tried to pretend that they were helping people find stable work. Recently, they've started pushing the opposite—mandatory and pointless training sessions; demeaning short-term work, often unpaid. We've seen the consequent poverty force people into the temporary housing system, a system that can ping-pong people across the country, so desperate are they to have a roof over their heads. The effect is to break up any stable, rooted idea of self.

Related: 'Maisie,' our film about what happens to a family when its 13-year-old daughter is sectioned.


There are already electronic services to help this process along, such as Amazon's "Mechanical Turk," by which employers can contract out thousands of small tasks online without having to pay taxes, overtime, or the minimum wage. Not only do they get a constant stream of cheap, desperate labor, they can liquidate their existing workforce, and then have them re-apply on a task-by-task basis. That this could become the norm seems like the next logical progression from the employment "boom" of the last few years, created largely through zero-hours contracts where you have a "job" without a guarantee of getting any work.

By 2020, it's likely that the idea of "having" a job will belong to the very rich and the distant past. There'll just be various chores to which we submit ourselves whenever our phones tell us to. The effect could be catastrophic for our senses of time and self. Each individual splintered into a wandering aviary of fractured, exhausted personalities; each individual a hardworking family in their own minds.

NUMBERS WILL BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN PEOPLE

When the new academic discipline of English literature was first taught in British universities, it was something radically egalitarian. A century ago the study of the humanities meant reading Classics, which existed to help young viscounts insult their servants in Latin. Suddenly, our shared culture became democratized. Now we're slipping back towards an aristocracy of letters: funding cuts are disproportionately hitting those academic departments that are concerned with anything other than manipulating numbers, and the humanities are once again becoming an indulgence only for those that can afford it.

In 2011, the Arts and Humanities Research Council was forced to spend much of its government funding on the study of Cameron's "Big Society" nonsense, a gust of dictatorial flatulence that puts many third-world dictatorships to shame. Slowly, the idea that there can be any way of understanding the world beyond the purely technical is being eradicated.

Read: The Police Are Trying to Kill Off Glasgow's Best Club

People have been ruled by numbers for a while now, but it's rarely been so overt. Despite the fact that most mainstream economists agree that austerity simply doesn't work, the Tories are holding up the growth in the economy as proof that their plans have yielded results. Never mind that this growth is mostly coming from the enrichment of the ruling classes, or that overall national productivity is flatlining, or that millions of people are still worse off than they were before.

An abstract figure—the economy—is swallowing up all the concrete hardships being faced by actual people. In the future, it's likely we'll stop even thinking of this as strange. When your first-born child is led off by masked priests to be ritually slaughtered to the number three, it'll just be another depressing fact of life.

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Photo by Chris Bethell.

TIME WILL STOP GOING FORWARD

During the last election, Ed Miliband tried to make a virtue out of his total lack of any new ideas. Labour would over-perform, he said, rather than over-promise. Anything they did actually promise was either a small, rearguard defense, such as their proposal to put a few limp sandbags around the NHS, or a total capitulation to the right that was also available in a handy mug form.

There's about as much dignity in attacking Miliband now as there is in desecrating a grave, but it does show the collapse of any sense that we're moving towards a future in which new and different things might happen. Even the regime of cuts, which has actually changed the social landscape (even if it's only for the worse), is for the most part just geared towards the preservation and entrenchment of existing conditions. The world is being torn down around us, but at the same time everything stays exactly the same.

Take, for instance, the proposed repeal of the Human Rights Act. From all the shocked mewling from outraged liberals you could be forgiven for thinking that this would actually do anything. In fact, all the Human Rights Act does is reproduce the European Convention on Human Rights—which we were already subject to—into British law, meaning that human rights cases can be heard here instead of at the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg. Once the Tories repeal the Act, cases will have to go there again, actually increasing European control over the UK. (The ECHR is not part of the EU, and its decisions will be binding even in the case of a Brexit.) It's not even real regression, just the illusion of movement in a crumbling, static world.

We're running out of new ideas: all that's left is mimicry or destruction. Even the supposedly autonomous sphere of high art has exhausted itself. Will Self's latest two novels, Umbrella and Shark, are unabashed tributes to interwar Modernism, while gallery art tends to either be some limply meaningless words in neon lights, or a return to the pre-Duchamp dogmas of figurative representation. And this intellectual fatigue is percolating down directly into everyday life.

2020 might mark a tipping point. This decade has seen an inexplicable 1990s revival: "quirky" gifs from old TV shows, choker necklaces, and all the rest of the decade's detritus is washing up again like bodies from a long lost cruise ship. But when the inevitable 2000s revival comes along, it'll be an echo of an echo—the only original products of that era were the iPod and the 9/11 attacks; everything else in the culture was just a simulation of the 80s. Unless something changes very soon, we'll be trapped forever: doomed to repeat the last two decades of the 20th century, their shadows growing fainter with each cycle, until the earth is mercifully swallowed by the sun.

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