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VICE Vs Video Games: Toasting the Failed Experiments Behind Modern Video Gaming’s Greatest Hits

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'Bone' was Telltale's first attempt at episodic gaming

Games don't just come into being—they're made. And as they're made, the process has to involve people. And people being people, they often take inspiration, intentionally or otherwise, from elsewhere. But it's not always from the games that made the biggest splash.

See, just because you introduce a feature, or perfect an existing one, or toy with a mechanic that could well revolutionize a genre, it doesn't mean you're making something that will be successful.

The list below shows you just five times—out of plenty more—where the features, the tech, and the ideas were there, but the glory was grabbed later on, by another game. Or games. Or entire genres.

You may not have been successful, but we raise a glass to you, the swings and misses of gaming.

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'Kill Switch' was one of the first shooters to properly employ sticky walls

COVER-BASED SHOOTING

Operation Winback (1999, PS2 and N64) and Kill Switch (2003, PS2, Xbox, PC) both featured something we take for granted these days. I say "take for granted," when I mean "sigh and get immediately bored of": cover-based shooting.

Winback was slow, clunky, and a bit shitty, but you could indeed snap to cover and shoot at people from it. Kill Switch was less awful, coming a generation later as it did, and featured blind-fire too.

But it wasn't until 2006's Gears of War that we collectively realized the cover-shooting mechanic was actually fun and something we would like to see in more games. Maybe not all games as seems to now be the case, but some.

Cover existed in games before these two, of course, with the likes of Metal Gear Solid relying on it heavily. But it wasn't until Winback and Kill Switch that the familiar shape formed, and it wasn't until Gears of War hit that we all realized that was a great way to play games.

For a bit, at least. Until every single fucking game decided to have cover-shooting with knee-high walls. Sigh.

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'Bone'—if you bet on it being a hit, you weren't seeing your money back

EPISODIC RELEASES

I like to think I remember the history of Telltale Games quite well—their games used to be a bit weak, and now they're great (though still rough around the edges). The Walking Dead is excellent, and the recent Game of Thrones tie-in has been well received—though I haven't played it because I'm allergic to spoilers and I really do need to read those books. Stop judging me.

But many of us, myself included, don't know about Telltale's first foray into episodic adventure gaming, which appeared back in 2005 in the form of Bone. The first episode, "Out from Boneville," was followed by "The Great Cow Race," which was followed by... nothing.

Instead of finishing off the story that was put in motion, Telltale instead moved on to other projects—no idea why. But it was clearly the right thing to do, as this early (failed) experiment with episodic adventure gaming has led us to greater games, which they have (so far) finished. And which also include The Wolf Among Us, which I forgot to mention above. You should play that one first, because it's the best.

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'Jurassic Park: Trespasser'—featuring a fairly unique health meter

PHYSICS

I'm still shocked there's no other game, at least not that I can think of, that uses your breasts as a health meter. Oh, Jurassic Park: Trespasser, you were delightfully weird.

But there were other elements of the game that were lifted and used as inspiration for future, much more successful, not-awfully-reviewed games. Namely, the physics.

Again, physics had appeared in a number of games over the years, but they'd usually erred on the side of being weird made-up ones to suit a game, rather than to emulate the real world. Unless you're talking about a flight-simulator or something, but I'm not.

Trespasser was a first-person shooter (with adventure-y elements) that brought... Well, I want to say "realistic physics," but I think we'll have to settle for "an attempt at realistic physics." Because good god it was a mess.

But without that glorious, wonderful, imaginative mess, we might not have seen those that followed in its wake—the Max Payne 2s and Half-Life 2s of the world, both of which were made approximately 2.429 times more fun thanks to the introduction of real-world physics, those things we now take for granted in most games.

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'Pit-Fighter' looked the part for 1990, but it played like shit

ULTRAVIOLENCE

Games have always been about smashing shit, breaking shit, killing shit, exploding shit, and generally messing shit up, but it wasn't until Pit-Fighter was released in 1990 that the violence looked real.

Admittedly you might watch videos of the game today and realize it looks like a vague crayon drawing by an idiotic five-year-old. But back in the prehistoric days, just after the 1980s finished, this was super-real.

From there, the appetite for digitized brawlers grew—leading to the most famous of them all, 1992's Mortal Kombat. Now that was violent, albeit rather quaint these days, and actually directly led to the creation of the ESRB ratings system on video games that you still see in use in the US today.

Pit-Fighter could never have that impact on the world—one, because it didn't involve people ripping someone's heart out before holding it aloft in glee, and two because it was crap, so nobody cared about it after a month or two.

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'The Outfoxies' featured a character called "John Smith"—not quite as exciting as playing as Mario or Link

SMASH!

Long before Super Smash Bros. was a twinkle in anybody's eye, there was another game—this one in the arcades. It was a game enjoyed by all who played it, and quoted endlessly ("GUN") just like a later Namco game was.

The Outfoxies didn't bring together an ensemble cast from other games, instead just having the sort of characters you would expect in a 1994 arcade game (John Smith, for example). But it did have intense combat involving many weapons and other pickups across a number of stages, in a manner not too dissimilar to something that appeared on the N64 in 1999.

And in one of those delightful... things... where stuff happens... The Outfoxies was developed by Namco, which was involved in the development of the most recent Super Smash Bros. games for both 3DS and Wii U.

I really hope that means future DLC features Dweeb, as he's clearly the best Outfoxies character (mainly because he's a chimp).

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'Herzog Zwei' wasn't a massive success in 1990, but can its influence be felt in today's MOBA titles?

CONVOLUTED REASONING (THAT STILL RINGS TRUE)

Bear with me here—I haven't gone totally nuts. But an underloved Genesis game led to an overlooked multiplayer mode on a PS1 game, which led to a much-loved (though still niche) StarCraft map and onto the most popular genre of games in the world today. It works, I've done the math.

Herzog Zwei is a name you'll likely be aware of if you pay any attention to retro fans, who all bleat on about things as if they played them at the time. They probably didn't—Herzog is often mentioned as one of the precursors to the modern real-time strategy game, but it wasn't a huge success back in 1990.

It did, however, influence the multiplayer mode, Precinct Assault, on the cult classic Future Cop: LAPD for PlayStation and PC. This in turn was the basis of inspiration for StarCraft mod Aeon of Strife, which considering its influence is bizarre that I can only find this video on it, and it's not only about it.

Anyway, that map proved popular enough to birth the butterfly of MOBAs—multiplayer online battle arenas—from the real-time strategy cocoon. League of Legends and DOTA 2 are two of the world's most popular games today, and all this from a Mega Drive game you likely never even played.

See? Told you the logic worked.

Follow Ian on Twitter.


Sideburns in the Suburbs: The Rockabilly Gangs of 1980s Paris

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Vikings & Panthers is a collection of photos by Gilles Elie Cohen of the rockabilly gangs from the Paris suburbs taken during the 1980s. The book was published in early 2015 by Serious Publishing. VICE France asked Filo Loco, head of publication at Serious, to give us his memories of the coolest people who ever lived.

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I discovered Gilles Elie Cohen's work in 2002 through his documentary Rock Contre la Montre [Rock Against the Clock]. His sumptuous black and white photographs immediately made me think of Bruce Davidson's Brooklyn Gang, which followed a gang of New York rockers called the Jokers back in 1959. I wasn't a publisher at the time, yet I knew I would publish Cohen's pictures someday.

It wasn't until 14 years later, in the summer of 2014, that I actually tracked him down at his home in Amsterdam. I offered him a publishing deal and we agreed on the spot.

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In 1982, Gilles Elie randomly met a band called the Del Vikings in a vacant lot located in the 19th arrondissement of Paris. I'm not even sure he was a professional photographer at the time. He started hanging out with the little gang, day and night, following them around to festivals and concerts. It was during that same period that he also met the Black Panthers (not those Black Panthers), another band evolving in the same scene at the time.

Both bands were influenced by 1950s rock 'n roll. People like Elvis of course, but also Gene Vincent, Eddie Cochran, Chuck Berry, and Bo Diddley. By 1982 the 50s revival was in full swing not only in France, but in the United States as well, where it was fueled by bands like Stray Cats who paid tribute to old-school rockabilly.

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When Gilles met them, the Del Vikings and Black Panthers were still friends. That changed over time. The Del Vikings were "cats," a rockabilly subculture characterized by parties, dancing, tacky costumes, and a love for vintage cars. Their style and the music they listened to put them at odds with others in the scene like the Teddy Boys and the Rockabilly Rebels, who tended to be more right-wing .

The Teds were big in Paris and the suburbs. They claimed influences both from England (the Teddy Boy movement was born in Britain in the early 1950s) and the US (through their style of clothing inspired by Westerns). They were close to the Rebels, with whom they shared the same extravagant hairstyles—quiffs defying the laws of gravity and giant sideburns—and a passion for "southern" rockabilly.

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The Del Vikings and the Panthers eventually clashed with the Teds and the Rebels. Both bands organized raids at concerts and at the Clignancourt flea market where they tended to hang out . The Rebels wore the Confederate flag, which was perceived by the Panthers as a symbol of slavery.

The Panthers , whose name is a reference to the black activist group, can be considered the ancestors of antifa and other skinhead-hunter groups. Their practice of martial arts and their style—they had a passion for US Air Force jackets in particular—were also assimilated by other gangs, such as the Ducky Boys, the Red Warriors, and the Black Dragons.

These groups lived during an incredibly intense period for France, one that was full of emotion and paroxysmal parties. They reflect the climax of a youth that was burning the candle at both ends.

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Petit Jean, the young man who graces the cover of Vikings & Panthers, reflects this frenzied time pretty well. After being part of the Del Vikings, he joined the punks who used to hang next to the Fontaine des Innocents of Châtelet in 1983, and then started following the French rock band La Souris Déglinguée. Later, he traveled to England where he bounced between several squats and followed the Meteors. He came back to Paris in the late 1980s, and legend has it that he was murdered during an argument at the Stalingrad Metro Station. La Souris Déglinguée dedicated a song to him called "Little John," which appears on their latest album, Les Toits du Palace.

In their own way, these young people were defending a genuine passion for life. They represented a demanding culture with specific codes and its own music. Today, I'm pretty sure they would don sportswear and listen to rappers like Booba and Rohff. Vikings & Panthers is a universal reflection on time passing and cruel dreams of youth, where innocence and candor mingle with fierce violence.

Painkillers in the NFL: Marcellus Wiley and the False Choice

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Painkillers in the NFL: Marcellus Wiley and the False Choice

How Prison Inmates Get on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram

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These days, just about everyone is getting up-to-the-minute notifications from their smartphones, tablets, and desktop computers about what people they know are doing, to the point where it gets annoying. It's just the way the world works now. You don't have to see anybody face to-face; everything is virtual and instantaneous. Friend, follow, like, post, comment, tweet, status update, check in, upload a photo—social media seems to compromise the majority of our interactions these days.

Inside the belly of America's prison-industrial complex it's harder for inmates to live online the same way—especially since they're not allowed to have cell phones—but in practice, they're all over social media.

Recently, I called an inmate in the California state prison system to get the low-down on the availability of smartphones in prison, what they're used for, and how much they cost. My source told me that prisoners are posting to Facebook, uploading videos and photos to Instagram, and tweeting directly from their cell blocks. There have been plenty of reports about this trend, but most of them have centered around the use of contraband and illegal cell phones and the prison authorities' attempts to combat their introduction and use.

But as a former prisoner I know that you don't need a cell phone to gain access to social media. I began my career as a writer from inside, enjoying all the social media platforms available to people on the outside. With the growth of the internet, the world has opened up, even to prisoners. The technological advances we take for granted have made their way into the darkest corners of America. With most prisoners enjoying access (of a sort) to email these days, it's made it that much easier for them to get on social media.

"I have been incarcerated for the past 12 and a half years for bank robbery, a crime that I committed when I was 23 years old," says John "Judge" Broman, a 35-year-old from Pittsburgh serving an 18-year sentence at USP Hazelton in West Virginia. "Coming of age in the penitentiary caused me to lose touch with pretty much everyone I ever knew while I was free."

Things changed a few years back when the Bureau of Prisons introduced the Trust Fund Limited Inmate Computer System (TRULINCS), an email service for prisoners. Electronic messaging has become a standard form of communication within most American homes and businesses, and it can now be used to help inmates stay connected to their families. TRULINCS allows messages to be exchanged between inmates and the general public in a secure manner. Maintaining family ties can improve the likelihood of a successful reentry into the community, thus reducing the potential for recidivism.

That's the intent, anyway, but in truth, the emergence of social media has enabled prisoners to make minute-by-minute updates from the cell block and reconnect with the world that they left behind. Before TRULINCS, prisoners could only communicate with the outside world through letters. I did this for years, because even though I was communicating by email, all my messages were coming in as hard copies: I would answer the email and send it back out to my wife, who would send the reply back to the sender. She would just print out the email and forward it to me. This is how I started my writing career from prison.

"Mail call is either the highlight or low point of every day for convicts," Judge says. "A constant reminder that you're either loved out there, or forgotten. I'm lucky enough to have a family that helps me communicate with people in the free world. Creating a Facebook page brought all types of people back into my life that thought I was dead and buried under the prison. It also brought me in touch with people I never knew before."

But how do prisoners access social media platforms like Facebook? Alex "Boudreaux" Cook, a 28-year-old from Memphis who has served five years of a ten-year sentence for manufacturing marijuana, tells me, "My mom forwards my emails and I send her my artwork and she takes pictures and posts them for me. When people comment on my art or just my page, she forwards the messages for me. It helps me let my friends and family see what I am up to and know that I'm doing something productive."

Using Facebook through TRULINCS circumvents the prison mailroom completely. All over Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, prisoners are posting photos of themselves straight from the penitentiary, with all their tattoos and gang affiliations displayed for the world to see. People in the real world are friending and following them, liking their posts and leaving comments, creating feedback and a dialogue with those trapped in the netherworld of corruption and violence. But not all prisoners are lucky enough to have a family member to act as proxy for their Facebook page and even fewer have enough money or underworld clout to obtain a contraband smartphone. So what do they do if they want to keep in touch with the world through social media?

"Being a federal inmate, it can often be difficult to hold down a social media page like Facebook, MySpace, etc." Jesse Jongeward, a 42-year-old from Minneapolis who has been in eight and a half years on an 11-and-a-half-year sentence for conspiracy to distribute narcotics, says. "You have to find a provider that is going to get you your messages and post your pictures and text accordingly. I dealt with a company called voiceforinmates.com for three years and I was rarely satisfied with their performance. I paid $100 a year to get my messages and have my photos and updates posted, but it was rarely done. The whole experience stressed me out, but in the end it was cool to access some of my old classmates, musician buddies, and friends I haven't talked to in a while. Plus it gave me a sense of still being out there in the mix of the free world."

That is what social media is all about—getting out there and connecting with old friends and making new ones. I know in my case I thrived as I made connections and got my work published. It made me feel like I was living and transcending the mundane nature of prison life. But if TRULINCS has been a boon to prisoners, companies like Voice for Inmates have used it as an opportunity to exploit those trapped behind the fences of our nation's correctional facilities. Without a proxy to administer the social media pages or a contraband cell phone to do it themselves, prisoners are bereft of the opportunity to connect. Prisoners will use anyone, even ex-wives or girlfriends, to set up their pages, even if that can cause trouble in their personal lives.

"It would be nice if I had a woman who didn't have ulterior motives to keep me connected to the world, but I don't, so I use what I got," says Kevin Smith, a 48-year-old convict from Fort Worth, Texas, who is finishing up a 15-year sentence for a gun charge. "In a perfect world, I would have my Facebook page showcase some of my original songs and push my friends to a website I have created just for that. I have been gone over a decade and when I was out there, MySpace was the leading site. Twitter, Facebook and the others showed up later. It would be nice to be able to access our own account from here, but we are limited due to the sex offenders wanting to gain access and manipulate to their own sick desires. But I am still happy to have this expensive, slow, and monitored texting service which they refer to as emails."

For me and a lot of other prisoners, TRULINCS was a tremendous resource. Used in the right way and with the right people helping, a lot can be accomplished. Since the whole world is digital and mobile these days, it's nice to be plugged in.

Of course, like everything in life, there's a price.

TRULINCS isn't a free service. The Bureau of Prisons charges five cents per minute to read or type an email. Not much, you might think, but it adds up. I used to spend up to 1200 minutes a week on my writing career from prison. That's like $240 a month for an email service. And since most prisoners only make $15 or $20 a month, many simply can't afford to stay connected.

That's why so many inmates turn to illicit ventures like smuggling drugs or smartphones into their institutions. The money can be too hard to pass up. And for real, what are they going to do if they catch you, throw you in jail? But a bigger reason is that just like people in the real world, prisoners want to know what is going on, they want to let people know what is up with them and get some type of recognition and acknowledgement from people in return. When you are serving time in a correctional facility, social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are a lifeline to the real world. And prisoners will do whatever it takes to hold onto that.

Follow Seth Ferranti on Twitter.

Someone with a Canadian Department of National Defence IP Address Vandalised Rehtaeh Parsons' Wikipedia Page

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Rehtaeh Parsons. Photo via Facebook

DND is investigating its personnel after one or more people using DND IP addresses edited the "Rehtaeh Parsons Suicide" Wikipedia page to say her father believed she wasn't raped.

Now an expert on Nova Scotia's new "cyber-bullying" law says Rehtaeh Parsons' father, Glen Canning, could use the very law her story helped create as legal recourse against the Department of National Defense users who committed the vandalism.

On January 29, someone using one of the department's IP addresses altered a direct quote from Canning.

The quote previously read: "The two boys involved in taking and posing for the photograph stated Rehtaeh was throwing up when they had sex with her. That is not called consensual sex. That is called rape."

A DND user changed it to say: "The two boys involved in taking and posing for the photograph stated Rehtaeh was throwing up after they had sex with her. That is called consensual sex."

At the end of another quote attributed to an Anonymous news release, which blamed Parsons' death on "school teachers, administrators, the police and prosecutors, those who should have been role models in the late Rehtaeh's life," a DND user typed: "everyone except for her parents."

Dalhousie law professor Wayne MacKay, who is an expert on civil and criminal law in an online context, says the altered quotes could potentially constitute defamation or criminal harassment, but that Canning's strongest legal avenue would be to make an application under Nova Scotia's new "cyberbullying law."

"It notionally could apply because the definition of cyber-bullying as you know is so broad that potentially it could apply," MacKay said over the phone Wednesday. The alteration of the first quote was "almost certainly intended to cause harm," he continued, which meets the guidelines for the cyber-bullying legislation.

After Rehtaeh's parents went public with her story, the high-profile international reaction led Nova Scotia to introduce legislation against so-called "cyber-bullying."

When she was 15, Rehtaeh told police she was raped by several boys. One of the boys took a photo that showed another boy penetrating Rehtaeh and flashing a thumbs-up while she vomited. The photo spread amongst her peers, who slut-shamed and harassed her. When she was 17, Rehtaeh locked herself in a bathroom and attempted suicide. Her parents took her off life support three days later.

A small army of Wikipedia mods has struggled to stay on top of vandalism and unsourced edits to Rehtaeh's story.

On January 28, after each mention of "suicide," someone using a defence department IP added the word "attempt."

"Why not put some facts in your web page? Seems rather one sided," a DND user commented.

Wikipedia admins have since changed the level of protection on the page. "This has apparently been a serious problem," user DragonflySixtyseven wrote in response to the recent edits.

In November, a Wikipedia moderator said another user, who isn't linked to the defence department, "has been repeatedly removing [the] word 'rape' and deleting referenced, on-topic content."

It's an ongoing pattern, Parsons' father says.

"It's a low blow, but I'm not surprised," Canning said over the phone Tuesday. "I'm getting used to that shit."

He said it was "disgusting" for someone to change his words to say what happened to his daughter was consensual. "I've never said anything like that at all."

"It might be an option," he said when asked whether he would consider legal action against the DND users who altered his quote. "After a while you just get sick and tired of this stuff."

"The same kinds of comments were left on my website," he said.

Canning received similar comments from another DND IP address on his blog in September and October last year.

One such comment on Canning's post titled "Guilty plea in Rehtaeh Parsons case" said: "Buyer's remorse? Caught in the act, simply doing what she loved and was [sic] embarassed that more people would find out what kind of person she was turning out to be."

If the online comments are part of a pattern, that would lend more weight to an application under the "cyber-bullying" law, MacKay said.

The defence department wouldn't say whether they were also investigating the blog comments.

Defence employees, Canadian Armed Forces members, and contractors who use the DND's network have to follow a directive on acceptable internet use, the department said in an email Tuesday. Defence staff also have to follow an ethics code.

People using DND IP addresses have previously edited Wikipedia pages on Mass Surveillance in the United States, Thanksgiving (Canada), Amputation, Tzatziki, fabled ghost ship the Flying Dutchman, and Captain Planet and the Planeteers, among others.

DND users have repeatedly received warnings to stop vandalizing Wikipedia pages.

Follow Hilary Beaumont on Twitter.

Frank Dukes Is the Busiest Producer You Know Nothing About

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Frank Dukes Is the Busiest Producer You Know Nothing About

Comics: Blobby Boys in 'The Blobby Boys Suck Now'

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Alex Schubert is missing. Until he comes out of hiding or his body is found, his comic will be drawn by other friends and well-wishers. This week it's by VICE's art editor, Nick Gazin.

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Look at Nick Gazin's Instagram and Twitter and Tumblr.

This Guy Jerks Off Pigs for a Living to Make Pulled Pork Taste Better

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This Guy Jerks Off Pigs for a Living to Make Pulled Pork Taste Better

The UndrGrnd: The Making of Underground

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Nothing is more of a bummer for skaters and BMXers than a harsh, never-ending snowfall, but thanks to a brand new skatepark in downtown Montreal, there's finally a reason to leave the house again. Hidden in an industrial space near the Jacques Cartier bridge, and built by the city's very own Marc Tison, this is not your typical skatepark. Check out the making-of video, featuring skaters Micky Papa and Hugo Balek, to get your fix of summer.

In Australia, One in Three Victims of Family Violence are Men

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Image by Michael Hili

This post originally appeared on VICE Australia.

In 2007, a New South Wales father of two who we'll call Kevin fell ill. Paralyzed, he went to the hospital and stayed there for two months. When he returned home, he was bedridden for most of the day and unable to work. According to Kevin, that's when the verbal taunting from his wife began. What started as persistent criticisms intensified into threats. Gradually, the emotional abuse escalated into physical violence.

One night a few years later, as she set upon him with shoving and biting, Kevin pushed her. She fell and hit her head on the side of the couch. When the police arrived, she demanded his arrest. But after hearing the full story, the police said she should be arrested. She'd initiated the altercation and her husband had acted to defend himself. Kevin refused to press charges.

After the episode with police, Kevin left his family home and lived out of his cleaning van for three months. "People say to me, 'Why didn't you go to your mom's or your brother's first?'" Kevin told VICE. "But how do you go and tell your family that your wife's been abusing you?"

The silence experienced by Kevin is typical of family violence against men. And while this could be said of family violence in general, there is a particular shortage of dialogue and services around male victims.

Australian Bureau of Statistics figures from 2013 outline that for the prior 12 months one in three victims of current intimate partner violence were male. In January, NSW Police reported that last year one in every five family violence incidents they responded to involving intimate partners were for male victims. The perpetrators in these incidents were both male and female.

Any man can experience family violence, regardless of socio-economic status, sexual preference, and culture. However, the limited research available suggests that men with disabilities or mental health issues, members of the LGBTI community, and those who have grown up in an environment with family violence are more likely to experience it.

The 2010 Intimate Partner Abuse of Men Report outlines that the physical abuse suffered by men ranges from punching to biting to use of weapons. And there were many reported cases of abuse that were not physical but rather verbal, psychological, or sexual. The effects of abuse can lead victims to develop mental disorders and suicidal tendencies. They can lose sense of their own masculinity and many become unemployed as a result.

At present family violence is very much on Australia's national agenda. Prime Minister Tony Abbott announced last week that a Council of Australian Governments national advisory panel into family violence will be established and a Victorian Royal Commission into the issue begins sitting this month. While these inquiries and others like them are vital, it's likely they'll only touch on the issue of male victims, if they do at all.

So as Australia begins dealing with its family violence crisis, what's causing the almost blanket denial of its male victims?

According to Greg Andresen, senior researcher of the One in Three Campaign, a lot of it has to do with society's deep-seated views on masculinity, which leave male victims unable to discuss what's happening to them because they're too ashamed.

"They fear they won't be believed or understood, that their experiences will be downplayed, that they will be blamed for the violence," Andresen said. "They may not even identify as a victim of family violence because they have been told victims are female."

Many in the community struggle to grasp the idea of a man being physically abused, but as Andresen explained, "a woman with a knife is going to be just as effective as a man with a knife."

This silence is further impacted by the lack of any specialist services for men. In 2009, when Kevin began his search for help, he found little available. A local case worker told him he didn't fit the criteria for their family violence program, while a second counsellor advised him to attend an anger management course.

"The services just weren't there. I rang the NSW Department of Community Services, their domestic violence hotline and they said, 'Sorry I don't believe you were abused by your wife. Only men abuse women,'" He said.

And little has changed. Frontline services—such as ambulances, Lifeline, and Legal Aid—are available to both women and men, but most family violence crisis services that provide support through the court process and help in finding accommodation are available only for women. "That is the link in the chain that is still not available to men," Andresen added.

Sorry I don't believe you were abused by your wife. Only men abuse women.

But there have been some positive changes in NSW. Recently, small pilot programs at the Downing Center and Parramatta courthouses have started providing free assistance to men during the court process. The NSW Senate Inquiry into Domestic Violence recognized that men make up a significant portion of family violence victims, yet don't have access to adequate services. This has resulted in some services being made available to men as well as women, such as the housing subsidy Start Safely.

Last month, NSW Police posted a message on their Facebook page to raise public awareness about family violence toward men. Part of an ongoing family violence campaign, the post sparked a social media debate, simultaneously supporting police for finally addressing the issue, while criticizing the approach they take when dealing with male victims.

But Andresen thinks on the whole the police are doing a good job. "They're quite aware that male victims exist because they're out there on the front line going into houses at 3:00 AM." But he added, "Unfortunately there are still individual police officers who may, when a male victim comes to the station, tell him to man up, go home, and take it on the chin."

Over recent years, NSW Police have been dealing with more incidents of family violence, as reported cases against both women and men have increased. Assistant Commissioner Mark Murdoch from NSW Police told VICE that police provide the same level of service to all victims regardless of their gender, age, or social circumstance.

To speak with someone about domestic abuse or find support for you or a loved one, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline .

Follow Paul on Twitter.


A Brief History of Scientific Experiments on Cats

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Photo by Flickr user Rob Knight

A few weeks ago, the animal testing lab at the University of Wisconsin-Madison quietly shut its doors following an aggressive two-year campaign against the laboratory's use of cats by the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. In a series of heartbreaking accusations, PETA alleged that an orange tabby named Double Trouble was the subject of multiple ear, skull, and brain surgeries, during which her head was immobilized with a stainless steel post and her ears were chemically deafened via an injection. During one surgery, PETA says, Double Trouble "woke up to what was likely a painful and horrifying experience as experimenters were cutting into her head and skull," and later the cat was trapped in a nylon bag for sound localization research. The group also accused UWM of starving the cat, and eventually killing and decapitating her after her head wound became too infected, three months following the original surgery.

But despite claims of conditions, multiple investigations conducted by the US Department of Agriculture and the National Institutes of Health concluded that the lab was not in violation of any ethical or hygienic standards, and although the USDA fined UWM $35,000 last year, all of the citations were for bureaucratic mismanagement related to reporting animal injuries and deaths, and not the injuries and deaths themselves. Although PETA seemed to take credit for the shutdown, UWM released a statement stating that the lab had actually closed due to the retirement of its 70-year-old head researcher, noting that "work in the lab was highly regarded scientifically and yielded important insights into how the brain localizes sound, knowledge important for such things as hearing and cochlear implants."

The fight between animal rights activists and the scientific community is an ongoing struggle, particularly when it comes to to felines. Although the UWM lab experimented with dogs, gerbils, and pregnant monkeys (all of whom also died), research on cats is especially controversial since we tend to think of them as more than just animals. From a scientific perspective, though, cats are especially useful in experiments—since famed behavioral psychologist Edward Thorndike's cat-based learning experiments in the late 1800s, researchers have discovered that when it comes to approximating the human brain, particularly in the areas of neurology, ophthalmology, and immunodeficiency, cat brains are the closest match we can find without resorting to people.

According to cat researcher Dr. Nicholas Dodman, "Cats have frontal, temporal, occipital, and parietal lobes of their cerebral cortex, as we do, and these brain regions are composed of gray and white matter, as they are in humans. And the various brain regions are connected in the same way as they are in humans and identical neurotransmitters are employed in conveyance of data." The same parts of our brains even light up when cats and humans go to take a piss. The point is, cat brains might as well be tiny human brains, which makes them extremely useful.

Primates also have brains that resemble ours, but as more and more countries extend basic rights toward gorillas, orangutans, chimpanzees, and bonobos, the moral gray area of experimenting on primates is severely limited. Cats, by comparison, are relatively unprotected and are very, very easy to find. According to the ASPCA, shelters in the United States take in roughly 3.4 million stray cats every year, 1.4 million of which are euthanized. Some shelters have argued they should be allowed to sell animals who are scheduled to be put down to labs, but nowadays, most lab cats are bred by USDA-approved vendors, primarily because they are more docile and disease-free. (Some shady characters have been known to kidnap pets and trap strays to resell to labs, which called bunching.)

The father of animal experimentation, 19th-century physiologist Claude Bernard, used stray cats extensively throughout his career, cutting them open to study how the pancreas aided digestion and the liver processed sugar. In reference to his vivisections, he wrote, "The physiologist... does not hear the animals' cries of pain. He is blind to the blood that flows. He sees nothing but his idea, and organisms which conceal from him the secrets he is resolved to discover."

In 1988, the American Medical Association published a letter defending experiments on animals, arguing, "Virtually every advance in medical science in the 20th century, from antibiotics and vaccines to antidepressant drugs and organ transplants, has been achieved either directly or indirectly through the use of animals in laboratory experiments." But the history of catsperimentation is rough and messy.

[youtube src='//www.youtube.com/embed/Ni2FFSAhTcA' width='500' height='281']

In the late 50s and early 60s, Yale professor José Delgado figured out a way to manipulate a cat remotely through the implantation of a quarter-sized electro-receiver, called a stimoceiver, into its brain. It worked by relaying impulses to trigger physical and emotional reactions via an FM radio transmitter. Following his research on cats, he went on to put these remote-controlled devices into monkeys and bulls, which included a notable moment where a bull was stopped cold in the middle of a charge after his implant was fired. Eventually Delgado implanted stimoceivers into human mental patients and found that, like in cats and bulls, he could get implanted humans to move involuntarily, or fly into a rage; one participant smashed her guitar in the middle of a song when stimulated.

During that same era, the government funded experiments where cats were given LSD. Once dosed, the cats freaked out, like most people who are spiked with acid. In one video taken at the time, it appears that the cat is having some sort of horrible rigid seizure; in another, the cat seems completely terrified about a couple of mice in its cage despite having literally just killed one before being dosed. Whether scientists were able to glean any information from all this isn't clear.

In 1958, roughly two years after the acid cats, a pair of notable researchers named David H. Hubel and Torsten Wiesel inserted a microelectrode into a cat's eye, strapped it down into a Clockwork Orange–type movie theater seat, and forced it to view a variety of images, which helped them decipher how the brain can develop complex visual images from simple visual stimuli, and was instrumental in the theory of hierarchical vision processing. These experiments also led to the development of a widely-used computer algorithm for image object recognition called SIFT. In 1981 the duo received a Nobel Prize for their work in visual neuropsychology, after sewing shut a newborn kitten's eye for six months and studying the effect of unilateral vision on the primary visual cortex in the brain. They discovered that even after opening the cat's eye later, its vision processing never fully recovered.

[youtube src='//www.youtube.com/embed/IOHayh06LJ4' width='500' height='281']

A more recent—and more controversial—neurobiologist, Colin Blakemore, conducted a similar study in the 1980s where he deprived newborn kittens of relatable visual stimuli by keeping them in total darkness. Once in a while he'd place them into a container with striped walls, prevented from seeing even their own bodies by a restrictive collar. After a few months of this, they were placed into a normal environment in order to examine how the visual cortex develops. At first the cats wouldn't flinch when something was thrust at them, nor would they place their paws on a surface they were being lowered toward, suggesting a break between motor function and visual stimulus. Yet after a short period of time, these normal reactions materialized, despite the cat having never developed that part of its brain. Blakemore also performed the Hubel and Wiesel eye-sewing experiment, which led to effective treatments for children with lazy eye as well as tools to combat childhood blindness.

Cats have also been experimented on in the name of understanding diseases. Both leukemia and HIV have analogues in cats: the feline leukemia virus and feline immunodeficiency virus. In particular, FIV is so closely and profoundly related to HIV that by studying the AIDS virus in cats, scientists at the University of Florida and University of California, San Francisco recently discovered a protein in FIV that triggered an immune response reaction in HIV-infected humans, despite the fact that neither cats nor humans can cross-infect each other with their respective diseases. This discovery could potentially bring researchers closer to an HIV vaccine for humans, and compared to earlier experiments, this groundbreaking discovery involved relatively little pain and suffering on the part of cats.

The question undergirding all of this is whether it is morally and scientifically acceptable to take advantage of the limited protection offered to cats—as opposed to humans or monkeys—in the search for useful knowledge. Would scientists be just as willing to sew an infant's eye shut if it meant fewer blind children? Where, exactly, is the defining line between the pursuit of science and an ethical obligation to avoid causing pain to a living being? A lot of different people have a lot of different answers to those questions; what seems acceptable to some may sound like an atrocity to animal activists. For now, at least, experiments at cats seem certain to continue.

Follow Jules Suzdaltsev on Twitter.

I Spent a Day Opening Jeb Bush's Email

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I Spent a Day Opening Jeb Bush's Email

Jon Stewart's Amazing Longevity

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Photo via Flickr user Rich Jones

Over the past 12 hours, my Facebook feed has been blowing up with the news of Jon Stewart's retirement. People have been pouring out their love for the host of The Daily Show, eulogizing him as if he had ben diagnosed with cancer instead of leaving one of Comedy Central's most popular shows at the top of his game. Not me. I'm happy for him—he's finally going to be able to take a break.

When he took over The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (previously known only as The Daily Show) in 1999, it didn't register with me at all. My familiarity with it was marginal. On occasion, I checked in on the fratty goings-on of the show's first incarnation of the show (staring... what's his name? Oh yeah, Craig Robinson!) and was duly amused by his five-questions-smashed-head graphic. I knew little about Jon Stewart; he was a television guy who had hosted a talk show on MTV (points deducted for the lameness of network) and appeared as himself on The Larry Sanders Show (points recouped for being on The Larry Fucking Sanders Show).

Even though I knew two people who were instrumental in launching the retooled version of the show—Ben Karlin and David Javerbaum, both former colleagues at The Onion—I wasn't really interested in watching. If anything, the connection made me a little anxious. Karlin and Javerbaum were talented people who, seemingly, couldn't break out of the fake news medium. So what chance did an unambitious hack such as myself have of establishing a career?

It turns out that my real shortcoming was not my lack of ambition, but my lack of vision. I never dreamed that people would clamor to see a politician be taken down by a comedy show, let alone that a politician would be willing to appear on that show to sit down for some real talk that "actual" journalists couldn't deliver. And it sure as hell never dawned on me that people would start treating a comedy show as an actual news source.

The Daily Show's runaway popularity aside, making jokes about the news can take a toll that might not be immediately apparent from outside. I mean, sure, there are dozens of monologue writers that will write thousands of jokes about a man getting his dick chopped off, but to have a take on real injustices just hours after they happen? That's draining.

For example, at The Onion *, we would make a joke about, say, the run-up to war in Iraq. We'd brainstorm, pitch, write, and hone, a funny, pointed story about it. We'd feel good for a bit, because we had done our job. But the next week, nothing would have changed. The same story would dominate the news cycle, and we'd try to come up with a different comedic way to express our outrage about the topic.

(*I'm sorry. I'm not just "The Onion Guy," I swear. It just happens to be pertinent to the topic at hand.)

And it goes on, and on, and on, and on. After doing this for so long, the internal take you come up with is, "This is horrible, and we are horrible people for trying to find humor in this." Writing satire like that is tilting at windmills, only the windmills grow larger with every blow, and you hate yourself more and more for participating in the pointlessness.

Stewart's been at it for 16 years. SIXTEEN. And in that time, he's increased his ratings 400 percent, spun off two successful shows, and helped launch many, many comedy careers. But with every passing year, you could see the toll hosting the show was taking. He got grayer, more serious, his smirk narrowing into a frown at times. The distance between the news and the jester who was supposed to be mocking it shrunk, and his sputtering mock outrage turned into a more pointed anger. He and his writing staff were so good that they could make that stuff work, but by 2010's Rally to Restore Sanity, it was clear that Stewart wasn't "just" a comedian, something the host has long claimed.

That has always struck me as a bit of a dodge. The Daily Show presents news; more so than most journalistic broadcasts, the comedy program can pick and choose what stories to focus on. This, fairly or otherwise, dictates what a large segment of the population knows and thinks about an event or newsmaker. Stewart may have started his career as a Conan O'Brien–esque jokester, but he ends his Daily Show run as something of an elder statesman—one 2014 survey found that liberals trusted him more than MSNBC or CNN.

It's not fair to say that Stewart "outgrew" making fun of the news, but it seems clear that he wanted to do things and tell stories he couldn't from his desk. The writing was on the wall when he announced that he was going to direct an adaptation of journalist Maziar Bahari's book Then They Came for Me, which turned into the movie Rosewater.

Some people are now whispering that maybe Jon Stewart is the man to take over for Brian Williams as anchor of the NBC Nightly News, and the timing of his announcement, so close to Williams's suspension, is too convenient. I strongly doubt that's the case. I hope it's not. TV news is broken. The hunt for ratings leads to emphasis on more bullshit stories than news that affects people; Stewart himself has proven that there are better models for information dissemination.

I hope Stewart takes several months off to rest and reflect, and when he comes back, it will be to find better ways to make people care about the stories they would otherwise never hear about. It's what he does best.

Joe Garden is currently a freelance writer and performer; in the past, he was a writer and features editor for the Onion, but has now fled society to live unencumbered by responsibility. Follow him on Twitter.

Iggy Azalea’s Beef with Papa John's Is a Serious Wake-Up Call About Consumer Privacy

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Iggy Azalea became the butt of many jokes this week when she ranted on Twitter about a Papa John's pizza delivery guy giving out her phone number, but her pizza feud exposes data-privacy issues. If you've ever ordered food online or paid for an item with a credit card, your phone number and even the names of your children could be handed off to a third party—and it's all legal.

Pam Dixon, founder of the World Privacy Forum, classified the leak of Azalea's phone number as a business-ethics fuck-up, but said bigger concerns exist within Papa John's privacy policy—and the many similar privacy policies at other companies that regularly handle our personal information.

"The privacy policy is unclear and doesn't make it patently obvious that they are giving your personal information to third parties," Dixon told me over the phone. "It took me about twenty minutes to find that, and I really know what I'm looking for."

What Dixon found buried in the Papa John's privacy policy was a subtle acknowledgment, probably never read by most customers, of the company's data trading with third parties. If you have ever ordered a pizza from the company online, it's likely that you signed up for a Papajohns.com account. And if you signed up for that account, you gave the company the right to sell your information to any third party, according to their privacy policy:

We also may keep track of your food preferences and restaurant choices and analyze that information in order to send you special advertisements, offers and notices regarding foods and restaurants that seem to fit with your preferences.

If you have a papajohns.com account and do not want to receive emails from us telling you about great eDeals, Contests or other promotional offers in the future, please let us know. You can change your preferences, or opt out of receiving emails from us, at any time (except when you are in the process of placing an order) by going to My Account Information on the log in page. There, you can update your email address, phone numbers, password, address and you can uncheck the "Send me special offers from Papa John's" box. Our emails to you will stop within 5 business days and we will not thereafter provide other merchants the means to contact you by e-mail about their Contests or other offers.

According to Dixon, the vague language about "other merchants" is industry code for selling consumer information. Customers' information can end up on marketing lists on sites like NextMark, which publishes everything from lists of people with bipolar disorder to lists of "Yuppie Investors." Anyone can go online and buy one of these consumer-data lists.

"If people haven't done a financial modernization opt-out, your most recent transactions are most likely on that list," Dixon said. "It's actually shaping people's opportunities in life. It's not just advertising. Whether you buy too many clothes online can affect the cost of your health care."

Opting out is tedious, but it's the only way to protect the privacy of personal information from data brokers. Opt-outs exist to keep your banking records from being shared, to keep telemarketers at bay, and to keep your name off marketing lists.

Washington and the media have paid attention to these issues in recent months. On Monday Senator Ed Markey issued a report on the way wireless technology in new cars poses a data-privacy risk, and earlier this month, the Daily Beast revealed how new Samsung television sets can listen to private conversations at home and sell the recordings to third parties, according to fine print in the company's privacy policy.

Papa John's didn't respond to requests for comment about whether its privacy policy was deceptive or how it shares consumer data with third parties. A spokesperson, however, did offer a statement in response to Iggy Azalea's claims: "Privacy of our customers and employees is extremely important to us. Papa John's has taken appropriate disciplinary action with regard to the employee involved. We are reaching out directly to Ms. Azalea and hope to resolve this incident and make it right."

If Azalea wants to sue Papa John's because an employee gave his brother her number, she may have an uphill battle. According to attorney Carrie Goldberg of the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative, states follow varying consumer-data-breach laws.

"These laws mainly aim to prevent identity theft in a commercial context, and have limited use when it comes to protecting personal privacy, such as when intimate images, diaries, or other personal information falls into the wrong hands," Goldberg told me over the phone. "So if the delivery guy just got her name and phone number off the receipt, these laws wouldn't be triggered, but if the pizza was ordered online and the information was accessed along with, say, her credit card information, it could trigger a reporting requirement."

Since Azalea has a permanent residence in California, she would struggle to sue Papa John's using the data-breach law, Goldberg said. But the state does have a strong law barring "unfair and deceptive business practices," which Goldberg said puts responsibility in companies' hands when they bring harm to a customer.

"If Iggy issues a formal notification and Papa John employees are still bothering her, she could seek damages and an order demanding they stop," Goldberg said. "In all likelihood, the hassle and expense of pursuing litigation may well outweigh the benefits that Iggy could receive from whatever harm she claims befell her from this pizza guy going rogue."

Follow Mary Emily O'Hara on Twitter.

Alice Seeley Harris's Photos Exposed the Horrors of Colonialism in the Congo

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[body_image width='1164' height='924' path='images/content-images/2015/02/11/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/11/' filename='colonialism-on-camera-body-image-1423663534.jpg' id='26495'] The Harris Lantern Slide Show © Anti-Slavery International/ Autograph ABP

It's 1904. The Congo. A man sits on a porch, staring intensely at something. At first you can't tell at what—but a closer look reveals the sickening truth: It's the severed foot and hand of a child.

Nsala, the man in the picture, was photographed by English missionary Alice Seeley Harris after he arrived at her mission clutching a parcel that contained what was left of his five-year-old daughter. She'd been killed and dismembered as a punishment when his village failed to meet the rubber quotas demanded by the imperial regime.

Harris went on to take hundreds of pictures like this, documenting the violence, enslavement, and exploitation inflicted on the Congolese people by agents of the Belgian King Leopold II, Queen Victoria's cousin. From 1885, Leopold ran the Congo Free State as his personal money spinner, getting rich off forced labor while pretending it was a humanitarian project. After they were made public, these pictures forced people in Europe to face what was really happening and, under public pressure, the Congo was signed over the the Belgian state in 1908. It wouldn't gain independence until 1960.

With Seeley Harris's rarely-seen collection showing at the International Slavery Museum in Liverpool, I caught up with the museum's director, Dr. Richard Benjamin, over the phone.

VICE: Alice Seeley Harris went to the Congo in her 20s as a missionary and ended up taking these pictures of colonial atrocities. What do we know of her motivations?
Dr. Richard Benjamin: As a missionary, obviously she had a zeal in other areas. Some of the images are disturbing in terms of how she's posed with the Congolese children. It's really hard to get an idea of what she was thinking at the time. It's an interesting juxtaposition: The campaign was good, but was the work she was carrying out there? What were the reasons behind it?

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Photo by Alice Seeley Harris. Copyright Anti-Slavery International and Autograph ABP

Tell us a bit about how her pictures were seen at the time.
You're looking at a campaign that was the equivalent of a PowerPoint at the time: slides. There were literally hundreds of talks around the country—Liverpool, London, Glasgow, Birmingham—by members of the Congo Reform Association, an early human rights organization, which included Harris, her husband, and people like [the journalist and activist] Edmund Dean Morel.

How much difference did that campaign make?
A big difference, absolutely. People of the highest level started to sign up and give money. You have to remember that King Leopold was connected to the British royal family. Regardless of whether the royal family had some link to it or not, it would have been seen that way. There was a groundswell in public opinion.

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Photo of Alice Seeley Harris. Copyright Anti-Slavery International and Autograph ABP

The images are quite graphic. Does that trouble you?
As the International Slavery Museum we have a lot of very visceral pictures—some contemporary. We've always thought long and hard about that. You don't want to be gratuitous, but it's a fine line because you do want to show people what something is.

I recently saw a presentation by an academic called Petra Bopp. She showed a picture of a young lady crossing a stream, in the sunlight—a lovely image. She'd been researching photos taken by the German army in the Second World War, when soldiers would put together scrapbooks. On the back of that image was the word "minesweeping." The girl was a human minesweeper.

That was one of the most shocking images I've seen in many years but, actually, as an image in itself, it wasn't violent. It made me think: There is something to be said for benevolent, nonviolent images. If you display them well, they can be really graphic.

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A group of Bongwonga rubber workers. Photo by Alice Seeley Harris. Copyright Anti-Slavery International and Autograph ABP.

Campaigning photography has changed over the years. There's a stress on positivity, on not presenting people as victims. Is there still a role for pictures like Harris's?
I'm aware that NGOs have moved away from the imagery of a young African child with flies around them. I was brought up on those kind of Band Aid images so I get what people are saying but if a ten-year-old or a 15-year-old were to see a campaign today, would they get a sense of how horrific it is? Sometimes you need to have a hammer and you need to hit hard.

So you need both?
Yes, you need to empower people. In the museum is a display called the black achievers wall—we place that very deliberately so that young people who are probably learning for the first time about Britain's or Liverpool's role in the slave trade don't go away associating black or African history solely with slavery and oppression. You have to be hard-hitting but then you also have to say: People get through things, they achieve. Africa doesn't stand still, things move forward.


[body_image width='1000' height='1418' path='images/content-images/2015/02/11/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/11/' filename='colonialism-on-camera-body-image-1423663262.jpg' id='26492']
Lomboto shot in wrist and hand by a rubber concession sentry and permanently disabled as a result, early 1900s copy. Copyright Anti-Slavery International and Autograph ABP

Congolese groups have been involved in the exhibition. What's their take?
Vava Tampa, the founder of Save the Congo, came to do a talk with us about his work. He was saying to not just associate the Congo with negative imagery. We had one member of the Congolese Association of Merseyside who had a different understanding of the difficulties in the Congo. When I was growing up, Mobutu Sese Seko was seen as an infamous dictator. But, interestingly, she wasn't as negative about him as the West was. In the exhibition we have Patrice Lumumba as a positive role model, a freedom fighter. That's the stance we take, but not everyone in the Congo would agree.

Do any particular photographs from the show stick in your mind?
There's one image of a European being carried in a kind of hammock by two African porters. We asked Petronelle Moanda, operations manager of the Congolese Association of Merseyside, to give us a quote. She said, "It is a blessing to be Congolese and nobody can become Congolese by might, by greed or by power!" I deliberately put that uplifting quote with that image to say: there is a horrific aspect to Congolese history but you also have very proud, successful individuals.

Brutal Exposure runs until June 7 at the Liverpool International Museum of Slavery.

Follow Rachel Segal Hamilton on Twitter.



An Interview with Cannibal Corpse About the Time They Were in 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective'

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An Interview with Cannibal Corpse About the Time They Were in 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective'

The Bizarre World of Barack Obama Fan Fiction

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The blessed are those who go their whole lives without ever hearing the phrase "fan fiction." Not to disparage its practitioners, of course, but for those of us uninitiated in the world of Ron Weasley erotica, it's an odd concept: A writer chooses already-established "characters," either from real life or someone else's fictional work, and creates their own stories around them.

In some cases— Twilight, Star Trek , One Direction—it makes a strange kind of sense: Fanfic is a way of expanding an otherwise limited universe, imbuing it with your own imagination and (usually sexual) fantasy. In other cases, the motives are a little less obvious.

Take, for example, "The Chosen One," published on the website fanfiction.net. Its subtitle: "While Obama fights TIEs in space, Joe Biden becomes the new Kira." It's 3,818 words long, and was posted in March 2009, about a month after Barack Obama's was sworn into office as the first black president of the United States—a historic milestone in the country's national narrative.

If Obama's inauguration felt like fiction, this story is like dropping acid at Comic-Con if Comic-Con were held on the floor of the Democratic National Convention. From chapter one: "The delicious chocolate man heroically leapt, aided by the all-powerful Force, and landed akimbo on the TIE's cockpit. The door atop its roof opened with a single wave of his fingers, making for a very surprised pilot, dispatched without a hitch."

"When Mitt saw Barack standing there in his elegant silk evening suit, his heart pounding, and his head started spinning."

As much as it seems to be just a weird aberration of the Internet, this is all complementary to what Garance Franke-Ruta wrote about last year in "The Fanfictionalization of Politics" for The Atlantic . There, Franke-Ruta discusses the ways that we project our own imaginations and beliefs onto serious considerations of political figures and issues. We do the same with our coverage of sports, culture, and viral news as well—we're constantly granting individuals and events symbology, emotional impact, and an imaginary, packaged takeaway. There are many ways to do this—especially online, where we can create an identity more in line with others' than our own more easily than we can in real life. But fan fiction might be the most extreme example: You are, literally, taking control of reality.

"The Chosen One" is one of four stories that come up on fanfiction.net when you search for "Biden." Another has the vice president auditioning for American Idol—I think it's a joke, or maybe just fanfic spam. A third is called "Republican Sexy Rumble Time," and its synopsis is, "Biden-kun meets his match when left alone in the White House with rowdy Republican men! What is a kawaii kawaii Biden-kun to do? (Biden harem, slight smut in name only, and WILL contain the blatant sexualization old white Republican men in which anyone who has a problem can suck my ass?)" I got about halfway through. It was like being screamed at by a naked man in a language that doesn't exist.

"The hot dog, like so much else, was gone from Obama's life... Obama fell to his knees and wept."

A search for "Obama" goes deeper, displaying the full span of American weirdness, depravity, and idle preoccupation. There are 168 hits, ranging in date from around his inauguration to just days ago. A particularly upsetting example involves Jack Donaghy of 30 Rock lusting after Obama's preteen daughters. I can't, in good conscience provide you with a link to this. There are other, slightly less depraved, stories about Obama in love ("How will the country and Michelle respond?"), and Obama in love with Mitt Romney. "When Mitt saw Barack standing there in his elegant silk evening suit, his heart pounding, and his head started spinning," the piece begins. "'Wow,' he thought. 'This is what it must feel like to meet Nixon.' Mitt was in love."

In another piece, titled "When the Oval Office Is Barackin'," aliens fall in love with the president while touring the White House ("They did not make politicians like this back in the colonies.") Others include Obama meeting Hellboy, Obama meeting Gilmore Girls protagonist Rory Gilmore, Buzz Lightyear saving Obama, "an Obama/America Hetalia fanfic," and, of course, Harry Potter and Obama. One particularly poignant piece involves the president becoming disenchanted with America and "disgusted with the American people." He stops sleeping, starts seeing things, and then, in an odd twist, he buys a hot dog that cures him. And because this is fanfic, he realizes "he had to make love to the hot dog." It all ends sadly: "The hot dog, like so much else had gone from Obama's life... Obama lowered his head to his hands and wept."

Other politicians are featured in fanfic as well. Newt Gingrich shows up in one where he runs against, and then marriss, Mitt Romney during an anime election ("'I AM A UNICORN!' Romney yelled at the top of his lungs, shattering the eardrums of 23 people. 'Not again!' Newt yelled.") In another, perhaps less surprising, piece, Romney and his 2012 running mate Paul Ryan fall in love. (Hillary Clinton is surprisingly scarce, though, as are many of the other buzzier 2016 possibilities: Elizabeth Warren, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz. These figures may not have trickled into the consciousness of the mystery authors who write these.)

"'I AM A UNICORN!' Romney yelled at the top of his lungs, shattering the eardrums of 23 men."

These stories seem to be examples of people—the fanfic community tends to be young, but it's hard to know who these writers are—trying to imprint some ideas of their own on American politics, an often inaccessible, almost mythic aspect of culture. The idea isn't to get politicians to notice them: It's to make these political figures a part of their lives, their fantasies. As incredible and incomprehensibly bizarre as some of these narratives are, it's an understandable impulse. Why go through the trouble of writing Barack Obama into a Star Wars mash-up, as a hero in cartoon terms, the kind of hero who hijacks spaceships, unless you're trying to reckon with the fact that you think he's a hero?

The instinct isn't limited to freaky fanfic. While Franke-Ruta sees it in the mainstream media, it's also present in online inspiration shops like Upworthy, Elite Daily, and their imitators. In these viral corners of the internet, you can see publications essentially ascribing narrative and moral takeaways to political events or individuals. Nothing just happens: It happens and it's supposed to make readers feel happy or sad, or teach them something. These emotional signals aren't actually part of the story—they've been added to make the topic more easily understood, and therefore readable. The point is the experience of reading, and less what is being read. That's exactly what's at the heart of fan fiction: It's supposed to entertain or titillate or satisfy you, not provide information or clarity.

With politics as gridlocked and esoteric as it's ever been, there's a growing tendency for people to fill that void with their own impressions and imaginations. If the age of fan fiction has just begun, politicians can now expect to be along for the ride.

Follow Kevin Lincoln on Twitter

Dene People in Northern Saskatchewan Are Resisting Uranium and Tar Sands Mining

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On November 22nd, 2014, a small group of Dene trappers called the Northern Trappers Alliance set up a checkpoint on Saskatchewan's Highway 955, allowing locals to pass while blockading the industrial traffic of tar sands and uranium exploration companies. On December 1st, officers of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police descended on the site with an injunction from the province and forcibly dismantled the blockade.

Eighty days later, the trappers remain camped on the side of the highway in weather that has routinely dipped below -40C. They are constructing a cabin to stay there permanently. The cabin will be a meeting place for Dene people and northern land defenders.

"We want industry to get the hell out of here and stop this killing," said Don Montgrand, who has been at the encampment since day one and was named as one of its leaders on the police injunction. "We want this industry to get the hell out before we lose any more people here. We lose kids, adults, teenagers."

"They're willing to stay as long as it takes to get the point across that any of this kind of development is not going to be welcomed," said Candyce Paul, the alliance's spokesperson and a member of the anti-nuclear Committee for the Future Generations. "It's indefinite."

"We don't want to become a sacrifice zone. That's where we see ourselves heading."

The trappers say an unprecedented rise in cancer is the legacy of contamination from nearby uranium mines. With significant tar sands and uranium deposits in their area, the trappers are developing a long-term strategy to halt the industrial growth threatening to deform their surroundings and scare away the wildlife they depend on for food, income, and culture.

About an hour north of the alliance's location, a recent discovery by Fission Uranium Corp. could lead to the development of one of the world's largest high-grade uranium mines.

Further north, abandoned and decommissioned uranium mines already host millions of tonnes of radioactive dust (also known as tailings) that must be isolated from the surrounding environment for millennia, while no clean-up plans exist for the legacy of severe and widespread watershed contamination that is synonymous with Uranium City, Saskatchewan. To the east, "an integrated uranium corridor spreading over 250 kilometres" hosts the largest high-grade uranium mines and mills in the world, with their own stockpiles of radioactive tailings and a decades-long history of radioactive spills.

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An early December group photo of the Northern Trappers Alliance

To the west, about 140km by air, the open-pit mines, poisonous lakes, and high-emitting petrochemical facilities of Alberta's tar sands have caused a number of highly publicized human health and environmental crises. In Saskatchewan's north-west, the impacts of this development are felt through acid rain that degrades soil, vegetation, and water.

"When they spew the pollution, it affects our water, lakes, fish—any kind of species. Our traditional life destroyed with these oil mines around us," said Kenneth, one of the trappers. "We're in the middle of these oil mines and the government's still not listening."

"We know our water isn't as good as it used to be," said Paul. "You see more fish with lesions."

The trappers are in conflict with elected leaders to their south, including local governments who are developing ties with industry and making decisions affecting lands beyond their jurisdiction. The province is looking to indigenous lands in the north for new bitumen and mineral mines, a high-level nuclear waste dump site, and the construction of nuclear reactors to encourage "environmentally responsible" tar sands extraction by exporting energy to Alberta.

"We know the government really doesn't care about the northern people. They would rather see us move out of our region," Paul said. "We're in the way."

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Descharme Lake, a tiny Dene community in northern Saskatchewan

"I won't pack up my home and leave just like that," said Jean Marie Montgrand, an elder from Descharme Lake, speaking in Dene in a translated video. A tiny hamlet, Descharme Lake has a population of about 40 and relies on well-water and wild foods. Residents say they are being encouraged to abandon the community and move to towns in the south. Notably, its public school was just closed.

"I live off the land and from that lake. Fish, ducks, moose, rabbit—everything I need is there," he said. "We don't live off store bought foods."

More than 85 percent of northern Saskatchewan residents are aboriginal, while 95 percent are indigenous in the trappers' remote area. Most people speak Dene, often as a first language.

In the last days of January, the Northern Trappers Alliance invited supporters to attend a meeting on the future of their camp. They say it drew about 150 attendees.

"There were people there from all directions of the Dene nation," Paul recalled.

From diverse communities in BC, Alberta, the Northwest Territories, and Manitoba, aboriginal people brought similar stories of colonization, industrial growth, and ecological devastation spreading hand-in-hand.

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Brian Grandbois speaks at the Northern Trappers Alliance meeting

"We allowed the newcomer to come in and, because we were so kind, now we have nothing," said Brian Grandbois, an elder from Cold Lake, to the group.

"Cold Lake has no territory left—it's all oil-developed and they have no access to it anymore," said Paul. "Same with Fort McKay. There's no access, there's gates everywhere. Janvier's getting close to that point. So the warning was: 'Don't let them through. Don't take the deals.'"

Companies are currently in the exploration phases of their projects, meaning that any large-scale mines are years away. But the trappers say animals are already being scared away by "road-building, drilling, line-cutting [tree-cutting], big trucks and equipment," and "work camps." Contractors are leaving conventional and chemical garbage in their wake, and overtaking traditional areas. The recent "monster" uranium discovery has brought many more companies to the region, increasing traffic and the likelihood of a major mine.

"They're drilling all over the place," Paul said. "If they're scaring off all the wildlife and we can't actually live from hunting and fishing anymore, that's going to be a loss of our rights." In Beaver Lake Cree territory, a similar loss of constitutional rights is the subject of an enormous legal challenge to tar sands development, alleging that Canada and Alberta issued more than 20,000 permits without ever consulting the affected community.

"They're drilling in our backyard and we never got consulted," said Bobby Montgrand, Jean Marie's son. He is a leader at the camp and was named as such on the government's injunction.

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Bobby Montgrand in the trappers' tent in early December

The Saskatchewan government differentiates between industrial exploration and development, and does not consult with aboriginal people or groups until full-scale mines are planned. In the exploration phase of projects, "consultation" has mainly consisted of advertisements, radio announcements, and an open house where eight corporations presented concurrently about their (often already in-progress) operations. Regional politicians note that more consultation will occur when a mining project is officially proposed.

Candyce Paul summarized the typical progression: "They're up there for a few years, and then they tell people that they're up there."

While the province agreed to meet the Northern Trappers Alliance, they would not meet under the alliance's terms.

"We wanted the government to come and meet only on the land, and not behind closed doors. What we had actually said was, so that earth could hear their lies," said Paul. "More truth, more honesty, will come out on the land than behind closed doors."

The roots of this distrust date back decades, if not centuries.

In 1977, before the uranium mine closest to the trappers' camp at Cluff Lake was approved, First Nations and Métis leaders called for a moratorium on uranium development until existing indigenous land claims were resolved. The government's Cluff Lake Board of Inquiry excluded from its deliberations any consideration of the effects of mining on aboriginal rights, prompting many First Nations and Métis leaders to boycott the hearings.

The Association of Métis and Non-Status Indians (AMNSI) did not boycott. The group spoke plainly to the board: "The proposed uranium development represents only one of hundreds of corporate and government decisions to commit robbery, theft, and even genocide against our people."

Arguing that aboriginal title to the land had not been legally extinguished, AMNSI asserted: "It is only just that it be our people who determine whether or not this development be allowed to proceed."

Regardless, the mine was built.

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Patterson Lake could soon be drained to make way for a uranium mine.

More than three decades later, a legal letter sent on behalf of the Northern Trappers Alliance picks up this thread, arguing that the Dene community has never surrendered its lands and therefore still holds indigenous title to them. Quoting a recent Supreme Court of Canada ruling, the letter asserts that the right to determine how the land will be used still belongs to the Dene people.

The letter argues that "the Crown is in breach of its duty to consult and accommodate" and "the RCMP are then exceeding their jurisdiction when they are escorting commercial vehicles of the uranium and oil interests into this unceded, unsurrendered territory." It demands "proper consultation" and that "the RCMP desist in assisting commercial vehicles to encroach on Indigenous Title lands."

A response from the Attorney General of Saskatchewan refutes the Dene argument: "The Government's position is that Aboriginal title was surrendered by Treaty throughout the province and, accordingly, we do not consult in relation to such claims."

This position, that treaties extinguished aboriginal title, is questionable.

"Those of us that belong to the numbered treaties—the violations are very evident," said Brian Grandbois. "Our people didn't understand English back in the late 1800s. The treaties were signed with Xs because our people never talked English, they never wrote English.

"Before the ink was dry on those treaties they were violated. They were negotiated in bad faith. They dealt with a people that could not understand their language."

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Fuel drums left behind by exploration companies

A legal analysis submitted to the Key Lake Board of Inquiry in 1980, as they pondered licensing a new uranium mine, commented that "the extinguishment of title by treaty is subject to some question on account of the Indian understanding of the terms and explanations" and that "serious doubts exist as to the extinguishment of Métis aboriginal title." The report also quotes an earlier scholar, who inferred that aboriginal signatures were forged on the treaty that affects the alliance's region: "... on Treaty 8 documents nearly all of the marks next to the Chiefs' names are identical, perfectly regular with a similar slant, evidently made by the practiced hand of one person."

In the shadow of this colonial history is a contemporary health crisis.

The Key Lake project operates today as the largest high-grade uranium mill in the world, becoming known across Canada when operators accidentally spilled hundreds of millions of litres of radioactive liquid into the environment in 1984.

Closer to the trappers, the Cluff Lake mine was decommissioned in 2006. The mill was demolished, the open-pit mines filled. The tailings ponds were de-watered and millions of pounds of radioactive dust were buried, ostensibly forever, under an "engineered soil cover" and planted over with trees. Long-term environmental monitoring is tasked to Areva, the former operator of the mine.

"Some of the local people have gone to work on the decommissioning of the Cluff Lake Mine and they know that those tailings were leaking and that the work was not permanent—they'll leak again," said Candyce Paul.

The project's decommissioning plan projects that it will leave the former mine site "suitable for traditional land uses consisting of casual access, with trapping, hunting and fishing," though it acknowledges leaving behind contaminated surface and groundwater. A 2005 study found moose near uranium mines had elevated levels of radionuclides in their edible tissues; Chief Ted Clark says locals frequently hunt moose near the old mine.

"Many people have been getting sick... it's a concern even amongst the young people. In a three month period six people died in the community of cancer, and these are not really old people—like people in their 50s, people that have worked in the mines," said Paul. "A high rate of the people who worked in the Cluff Lake mine are no longer with us."

"AREVA is not aware of any death of former Cluff Lake employees," the company rebuked in a statement to VICE, noting that 24 former Cluff Lake miners still work for the company. Areva cited a study that found uranium miners healthier than the general population with the exception of lung cancer incidences. The company said its tailings facilities are "routinely inspected" and argued that "the risk of breach is negligible."

"In Canada AREVA's uranium mines are heavily monitored by federal and provincial regulators, who keep the company in check in terms of environmental performance," the statement said. At the centre of this regulatory regime is the Canadian Nuclear Safety Commission (CNSC), which publicly promotes the scientific fallacy that low levels of radiation do not contribute to cancer. In contrast, the National Academies of Sciences have found conclusively that any exposure to ionizing radiation will increase the risks of developing cancer.

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Drilling equipment on Highway 955

Broadly, government and industry maintain that the land, water, air, and traditional foods surrounding uranium mines are not adversely affected by development. However, a Pembina report notes that "the environment and biota in the vicinity of uranium mines has been contaminated with radionuclides, particularly via windblown dust from tailings sites," and identifies "significant potential increases in cancer risks to humans from the consumption of caribou in the vicinity of uranium mines."

Calls for baseline and epidemiological health studies on the impacts of uranium mining and milling on nearby communities have gone unanswered by both government and industry since the 1970s. Author Jim Harding notes in a recorded lecture: "There is still no baseline data, which is the first step in any credible social or health impact research. Industry continues to be allowed to operate in the dark without any fundamental ecological or legal accountability."

"For us to look at it on a quantitative level, we have no choice but to experience fatalities on a very small group of people," said Susnaghe Neneh, Paul's partner.

"Prior to the openings of the mines... it was a rare, rare occasion when somebody got cancer and died from it. This is what the Elders in all of our communities are saying—there was no cancer. It was maybe once in a blue moon somebody would get that," Paul said. "This kind of an economy comes with its hazards and a shortened life span is one of them.

"If the government wants these projects to come through, they just do not increase any funding and kind of force [communities] into a corner," she argued. "We saw that directly with the English River First Nation, with the Cameco deal. The leaders were being told Indian Affairs is going to be cutting their fiduciary responsibility, so you better start looking at other ways to get funding."

As the federal government cuts millions from First Nations budgets—impacting health, education, and job programs—they encourage northerners to work in the mines through multi-million dollar training subsidies. The government says it is fostering aboriginal "self-sufficiency" by cutting funds, when it is actually creating dependency on revenue from extraction.

In 2013, Saskatchewan Premiere Brad Wall endorsed this policy with bravado, telling a group of his supporters that "the best program for First Nations and Métis people in Saskatchewan is not a program at all—it's Cameco."

Cameco is the world's largest uranium company.

"We don't want our people to be engaged in only mining, ever," Paul said. "When it's done, when it's over, you're going to have a whole generation of people that have nothing."

"We want input on what type of development we have. We'd rather develop a locally, sustainable economy that doesn't interfere with how people live.... We're trying to promote renewable energy choices. We're trying to promote alternative housing—fostering independence, local food sovereignty projects."

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A unity flag at the northern camp

At the meeting in January, Dene people discussed territorial mapping that would be useful for land claims, and talked about "helping each other build homes" as a step toward solving their northern housing crisis. An idea of ecotourism, designed to teach reverence of nature to people likely to invest in extractive industries, was floated.

Most significantly, Paul said, "we decided that we're going to work towards a land-based education, because one of the things that has been happening is people are being brought in off the land for the sake of educating their children. So they're not on the land full time, which government interprets to be 'well, there's nobody out there.'

"As soon as the land is emptied out, they will go in and do whatever they want. So the position is to occupy the land."

Cameco has secured a social license by spending millions on northern hockey arenas, school programs, aboriginal scholarships, youth and elders events, and charitable programs like "touchdown for dreams" which, without a shred of irony, "will grant seven to ten wishes each year to Saskatchewan women with a life-threatening diagnosis of cancer."

Other corporations have made similar efforts to integrate into communities: Fission sponsors a volleyball team and summer camp programs, while the Nuclear Waste Management Organization made a phenomenally insensitive sales pitch to bury nuclear waste during a healing circle held by indigenous Elders to address the problem of youth suicide. Streets in La Loche were paved with money from Oil Sands Quest.

These enticements haven't resonated with Jean Marie Montgrand. "The white man does not look out for our best interests," the Dene elder said. "If we went into their house and asked for coffee they would not give it to us unless we had money... We're not like that. We would offer maybe tea or bannock if we had any and ask for nothing in return."

"White people aren't like that. When you have nothing, you have nothing. If we had no money how could we eat?"

Fission Uranium has courted local Chief Ted Clark of CRDN, appointing him to an executive advisory board, offering him stock options, and retaining paid services from a company he owns. He told me "I don't think this constitutes a conflict of interest. What I do think is it benefits the community in a way," arguing aboriginal involvement means better environmental oversight on projects.

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"We are two communities that are highly unemployed. We're looking for ways of finding employment," Chief Clark said. "If development is going to happen, then we want to be there alongside you. Not holding a shovel. We want to be up there. Right in the executive seat."

"There's a lot of animosity between the elected leaders and the people in the camp," Paul said, in an apparent understatement. The group maintains that the leaders of La Loche and CRDN are making decisions, without jurisdiction, that are detrimental to their communities. On this colonial frontier, Indian Act systems of hierarchy and individualism are replacing Dene systems based on consensus and mutual aid.

This animosity has led to mud-slinging. Chief Clark told me that the roadblock was used to exclude people on the basis of race (also noting that the excluded person worked for industry), while Mayor Jolibois argued that Don and Bobby Montgrand "and their friends" had "nothing better to do" than set up an elaborate ruse to accumulate donations.

"They don't even have a trapper's license.... They don't have anything behind them. They're just blowing out words," Mayor Jolibois told me. Government officials confirmed that only Jean Marie Montgrand is licensed to trap commercially, but noted First Nations and Métis people don't require a license to trap for themselves.

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The alliance's camp at night

In almost three months, neither Clark nor Jolibois have come out to the camp site, while officials at all levels of government rejected the alliance's invitation to attend their three day meeting.

"Government doesn't intend to listen," Paul said. "Government wants one result and one result only, and that's not the result that we intend. Whether they're here or not, we're having this meeting, and we're going to come up with our own solution, not [one] from government of any kind."

As the trappers build their cabins, supporters are trickling in from across Dene lands. A fundraising event was held for the alliance in Edmonton, while donated supplies and funds have accrued from across Saskatchewan and are regularly delivered to the camp by Stewart Martin, a supporter.

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"I got a call from Don this morning and he said, 'You wouldn't believe it—people are still coming.' People are still coming out there and supporting," Paul said. "One of the strong things about the LaLoche area is everybody, man, woman, and child, all speak the language."

"This is the first time Dene people have come out with a big voice," said Don Montgrand. "There are Dene people all along this area. It's straight Dene.

"We've got nothing left up north. Just a little piece of green land and a little bit of clean water left, in this whole of northern Canada," Don said. "I'll tell you that for sure."

"Unless we pull together somehow we won't have any land left," said Jean Marie Montgrand. "The white man is taking over."

"We have to do it," Don said.

"For our kids. Our generations."

Follow Michael Toledano on Twitter.

Being a Disabled Musician Is Still a Lot Harder Than It Should Be

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Ian Dury with Joe Strummer in 1980. Photo by John Coffey via.

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

"I'm Spasticus / I'm Spasticus / I'm Spasticus Autisticus!"

That was Ian Dury's glorious, post-punk fuck you to the UN for declaring 1981 to be the Year of the Disabled. Crippled by polio from the age of eight, Dury saw the entire "year of the disabled" concept as patronizing, and his Spartacus reference raised the message from the simply pissed-off to the revolutionary: Disabled people don't want pity; they want freedom from all that bullshit. Or, as Dury himself put it, "I wasn't moaning, I was doing the opposite of moaning: I was yelling."

That yelling immediately got the song banned by the BBC and effectively ended Dury's chart career.

But we now live in more enlightened times, right? They even played "Spasticus Autisticus" at the 2012 London Paralympics opening ceremony, with Stephen Hawking onstage. But beyond the feel-good Olympic spectacle, three-and-a-half decades after Ian Dury's protest, disabled musicians and fans are still having to yell to get their voices heard.

Jason Weaver is an 18-year-old singer-songwriter honing his craft in lo-fi rootsy folk, but he's had to completely relearn how to sing from a wheelchair because he suffers from the incurable degenerative illness Duchenne muscular dystrophy. For your average guitar player, it's hard enough to get people to break gaze with the barman long enough to actually watch an entire song, but for Jason the challenge starts with simply finding a venue he can get into.

"Up until a year ago I was walking, but now I'm permanently using my wheelchair," he tells me. "In my area there is nowhere—really, nowhere—to play. Access is a major issue for me... I've had to look way beyond my immediate area. The last gig I did was in Brighton. The promoter told me the venue was totally accessible, so I asked my dad to drive me six hours from Worcester, where I'm at uni. Then, when I arrived, there were three massive steps to get up to the door, and another three down into the pub. They had to get two people to carry me up—as you can imagine, that's quite dehumanizing. I'd traveled all the way across the country, and by the time I played I didn't even care how the gig went. I didn't want to be there. It made me feel different and I hate that—music's usually the one area where I don't need to. But that felt really futile and disheartening."

Jason isn't alone in this. I spoke to Kray-Z Legz, an MC who uses a wheelchair because he was born with spina bifida. He has also faced inevitable issues with access to venues, though he deals with them in a different way.

"I have a group of lads who will just pick up my chair and carry me up staircases to get into venues," he says. "Nine times out of ten there is no access for wheelchairs to get on the stage and I have to be lifted again. But this has never stopped me—where there's a wheel, there's a way, I say."

Obviously this gets easier as artists advance in their field. Kray-Z's more sanguine approach may well stem from having released his album in collaboration with US-based producer Anno Domini, who's cut tracks with Method Man and D12, while Jason is still hustling for gigs and recording opportunities.

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Blaine Harrison of the Mystery Jets performing in 2011. Photo via.

Bigger venues can afford to make adjustments for accessibility that would put smaller clubs out of business. Blaine Harrison from Mystery Jets, who also uses crutches because of spina bifida, recalls making the transition in his own career: "Everything suddenly got a whole lot easier," he tells me. "Walking round backstage at our first few Academy shows, it struck me that whoever fitted these places out had actually considered the mobility of not only the audience but performers, too. Money is obviously a huge factor, and lack of funding is something the smaller venues up and down the country have to wrestle with—but it's only through those small clubs that new generations of musicians will find their way."

But even the tiniest venues can make changes in policy that can vastly improve the access and experience of disabled musicians and fans. Blaine is a patron of the charity Attitude Is Everything (AIE), who work with venues and festivals across the UK to improve access and break down stereotypes.

Speaking to Graham Griffiths of AIE, he is emphatic: "Yes, there are the obvious issues of physical access—viewing areas, level access, and proper toilet facilities, etc. But so much can be improved with shifts in policy that are virtually free," he says. "Do you have really good information on your website? Do you let people know how many steps there are? Is there a toilet upstairs, or will someone always have to go down? Do you provide free tickets for personal assistants? Can you make arrangements for early entry? Just knowing these things can make the difference between someone deciding to go to a gig or not... and that's aside from just basic issues of staff training and awareness."

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"Who I Am" - Kray-Z Legz

The issue of awareness and attitude comes up again and again. No one wants to feel they are making unreasonable demands or putting other people out.

Blaine recalls: "The first time this life really slapped me around the face was when I sustained a serious leg injury and had to tour in a wheelchair. It took less than a day before I started feeling like a shitty burden to everyone who had to set up my equipment, get me drinks, and carry me up flights of stairs. It sucked. I vividly remember the feeling of dread each night, limping out to a room of confused expressions and thinking, 'This is not what fun feels like.'"

Likewise, Jason's primary concern is also to do with people's reactions. "The worst thing is when you ask for even something small, like a portable ramp, and people look at you like you're an imposition, like you're in the way," he says.

Graham Griffiths insists that things are improving. "When we started working with Glastonbury there were 150 people using the accessible campsite. Last year, there were 1,500," he tells me. "We've just had our 100th venue sign up to our Charter of Best Practice, which provides free, ongoing, bespoke support to venues and festivals. Progress is somewhat London-centric and there is a huge amount still to do, but it is a growing movement. Obviously, when someone says 'disabled' there is a huge variation in what they mean—only 8 percent of registered disabled people use wheelchairs. But, across the board, access is slowly improving. Seeing disabled people at gigs isn't the total rarity that it was even ten years ago."

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Tom Mayne of David Cronenberg's Wife. Photo via the band's Facebook page

Along with access, the other recurring theme with the artists I spoke to was the gulf between being labelled as a "disabled musician" and simply being allowed to be an artist who happens to have a disability. This was well put by Tom Mayne, of the excellent Fall-esque anti-folk band David Cronenberg's Wife, who also advertises himself as "London's best seven-fingered guitarist."

"'Disabled artist' sounds as if you're saying 'disabled, but look, they can still create!'" he says. "If I went to see a blind comedian I'd expect a few jokes about him or her not being able to see. But if that's all they have, I think it would get boring quite quickly. If people are intrigued and come to a show, then great. But if the songs aren't good then they're not going to come back just to see me play my three chords with a deformed hand. In today's age, even the word 'deformity' sounds too negative, doesn't it? Though, when you call your band David Cronenberg's Wife, I guess deformity is something to be embraced."

Talking about this issue with Jason Weaver is the one time I glimpse the anger behind his generally cheerful joking. "Being disabled is part of who I am. I'm proud of still being alive and kicking—and proud to be identified with this community," he starts. "But after a while it's like, 'Yeah, I've got a disability; OK, now just listen to my song.' Or people think your music has to be sad and upsetting because you're disabled. I want to be known as Jason the songwriter. I don't talk about my disability, I talk about my life, and maybe being disabled is part of that. I want to be real—I listen to the chart stuff and just think, 'Who's buying this rubbish?' There's no reality to it."

This last point also is echoed by Graham from Attitude Is Everything, who notes that progress seems to be faster in the more underground edges of indie and hip-hop than in the more commercial pop and R&B worlds. While the major labels still feel they need to explicitly promote Viktoria Modesta as "the world's first amputee pop star," artists like Jason Weaver, Tom Mayne, Blaine Harrison, and Kray-Z Legz are out there echoing Ian Dury's call to just be who they are, without the need for categories or pious tokenism.

And it's great that they are. Popular music owes far more to disabled artists than is generally acknowledged. Without Blind Lemon Jefferson, Reverend Gary Davis and all those other era-defining blind bluesmen, rock 'n' roll would never have been born. There's a world of disabled talent out there; it would be a stupid and unnecessary loss for everyone if it never got to be heard.

France's Censorship Board Said 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Is OK for 12-Year-Olds

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If you don't know about Fifty Shades of Grey it's this movie that's coming out about this lady who likes this rich guy, but the rich guy is into spanky-type sex, so they do a bunch of that stuff and have a lot of emotions over the course of three books and 1,600 pages. People loved it, and now it's a movie, which means that various governmental bodies have to rate it.

In the US, it earned an R rating for "strong sexual content including dialogue" and "some unusual behavior." But in France, where "unusual behavior" is probably more usual, the Ministry of Culture's film certification board has decided that the movie is OK for anyone as young as 12.

Rating board president Jean-Francois Mary, a grown man who has presumably seen and done some things in his time, told the AP that Fifty Shades "isn't a film that... can shock a lot of people." He added that it's "a romance, you could even say schmaltzy."

The Europeans, obviously, are cooler about nudity than Americans. But France's film certification board, in particular, seems to be a bunch of libertines. The country's least restrictive rating is "U," which is essentially our "G," although there's sometimes an exclamation mark added to the U to indicate, "Toddlers can watch it, but they might cry or whatever." Then there's "12"—the rating Fifty Shades got, meaning children younger than 12 shouldn't see it. Then there's "16" and "18," and beyond that—well, let's just say that if the French government decides a movie is too much for French 18-year-olds, it probably should be banned.

What movies have been given the U! rating? To start with, there's Team America World Police, and that movie opens with the annihilation of Paris before the scenes where cats chew people's heads off.

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Movies that are currently certified "U" without an exclamation mark include Eyes Wide Shut, Braveheart, Blue Valentine, and Mulholland Drive. You know, kid stuff.

But in 2000, a sex-and-killing-spree movie called Blaise Moi ("Fuck Me") was given France's 16+ rating, which provoked outrage among conservatives and led to the reinstatement of the country's long-unused 18+ rating. Around this time a subgenre emerged that became known as the New French Extremity. This included the genuinely shocking works of directors like François Ozon, Gaspar Noé, and Catherine Breillat.

But the censors in France were pretty unfazed by all the violence and sex and sexual violence these auteurs threw at them. Most of these films were certified 16+, including Irreversible, which contains notorious 11-minute rape and fire-extinguisher-head-smashing scenes, the latter of which is embedded below to illustrate my point (BUT DON'T WATCH IT, OBVIOUSLY).

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Anyway, you can watch Fifty Shades of Grey in theaters starting this Friday, if that's the sort of thing you're into.

Follow Mike Pearl on Twitter.

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