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Broke UK Students Are Relying on Food Banks Run by Other Students

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[body_image width='700' height='464' path='images/content-images/2015/02/04/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/04/' filename='manchester-students-food-bank-crisis-189-body-image-1423060915.jpg' id='24196']

All images courtesy of Manchester Central Food Bank

This post originally appeared on VICE UK.

Anyone who's been to university will know that, as the end of the term approaches, money runs dry. You tell yourself it'll be fine, that you can survive off another week of packet noodles, economy cans of beans, and no booze. You comfort yourself by counting down the days until your next loan instalment comes in. But what if you run out of noodles and beans? What if you're so hungry and so poor that you end up having to rely on a local food bank?

This has become a common reality for students in Manchester, home to two of the largest universities in the UK. People were incandescent with the news of tripled tuition fees, but student food poverty is a crisis that's already happening. As someone who works in a food bank, I'm seeing it every day.

Victoria from the University of Manchester's Students Union's Advice Service (SUAS) says the situation is rapidly deteriorating. "It's been brushed under the carpet and just doesn't seem topical," she says. "We give students budgeting advice but it's difficult when the figures just don't add up. The loan covers accommodation but very little else. It's hard to make your finances stretch that far."

Maintenance loans for living costs of up to $8,370 are offered to students in the UK, which gives you about $160 a week to live off. The numbers don't look bad from the surface. But with average rents running at around $530 a month in Manchester, before bills and food are taken into account, it's not a liveable amount.

Breaking down the budget, it becomes apparent—if not explicitly—that someone, or something, is expected to fill this financial void in student's expenses. "I struggled at the beginning with accommodation, but getting a part time job helped," says Nicole, a first year neuroscience student at Manchester University.

"The problems come with the patterns of the loan," says Laura, a fourth year medical student. "Towards the end of term it gets pretty tight. I didn't realize how much of a strain it would be on my parents to support my brother, my sister, and I."

For students who can't find the cash, whose parents can't help, they face the prospect of visiting an increasingly ubiquitous British institution: the food bank.

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Students unloading food bank donations

"It started last year, around about March time," says Victoria, "but demand has increased in 2015." Why? "A variety of reasons," she sighs. "There's those whose finance has been delayed, the international students with no access to benefits, and those on tough courses without any spare time to get part time jobs." She says the student bursary is "good," but "not enough to live off."

At the student-run Manchester Central Food Bank—one of the largest in the UK—staff members like me are noticing this worrying trend of students feeding students with food donated by students. It'd be ironic if it wasn't so depressing. Since the beginning of the year, roughly 21 emergency food vouchers have been received by the food bank from students across Manchester. While this is a small portion of the overall volume of users at the food bank, it's a demographic that hasn't been seen before.

Father Tim, one of the priests at the chaplaincy that houses Manchester Central Food Bank, noticed the trend firsthand. "We realized that there were a lot of people, especially students, who were given vouchers but were too embarrassed to come in," he says. "I approached the student's advice center and told them that they could contact me by phone and access us out of hours. Even at 9 PM, I'd still let them in. Some come through the back because, even late at night, they don't want to be seen."

[body_image width='700' height='464' path='images/content-images/2015/02/04/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/04/' filename='manchester-students-food-bank-crisis-189-body-image-1423061143.jpg' id='24201']

Food bank volunteers

Ronan is a volunteer at the food bank who feels passionately about this developing situation. "Yes, students have always been traditionally 'skint'," he says, "but the failure to protect them from rocketing rent, food prices, and energy bills has resulted in the future professionals of this country living in poverty. We're regressing as a society, we're going back in time. We have the means to eradicate poverty, so why haven't we?"

Ronan's anger is shared by Rebecca, another regular volunteer. "I think it's a combination of higher tuition fees and a rise in living cost, which has meant more students are forced to turn to food banks for urgent support. It goes to show that the economic crisis has had an impact on all levels of society, from students to pensioners."

The fact that students are being forced to eat food donated to a food bank by other students is bleak as hell, but it's also heartening that so many kids want to see change happen and are actually coming to help out. In our first operational year, we have fed just over 2,000 people.

Still, a student-run food bank that increasingly becomes a haven for destitute young people is not a longterm solution to a complex problem. It might be a lifeline now, but what happens if people stop being able to donate? When I asked Victoria how she'd begin to solve the problem, her silence spoke volumes. Until then, we'll carry on handing out boxes of Cornflakes and packets of rice to those who need it.


License to Shrill: Nancy Grace and Getting Pretend Angry

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[youtube src='//www.youtube.com/embed/a0WebcNn86s' width='640' height='360']

Here is Nancy Grace, same as she ever was: pencil-thin eyebrows contorted in dismay like EKG waves; seashell-size pendant necklace; hair bleached to crunchy blond straw; perpetually discombobulated, as if in every moment of her life you are witnessing her after she'd just gone to the bathroom in a stall where there was no toilet paper.

It is January 27 of this year. Grace is debating with a panel of Informed Men the dangers of legalizing marijuana. Grace is struggling with the most primitive syllables of the English language as if they were pieces of a skyscraper she had to erect with her bare hands. She has very strong opinions on "Drugs," or " DUR-UHG-GUHZ." This past August in Denver, Colorado, a deranged man with a face like a rotisserie ham named Richard Kirk was suspected of killing his wife. Kirk had, prior to the incident, repeatedly described his mood swings to his children as his "blood moon." He was $40,000 in credit card debt, and reportedly climbed in and out of his children's bedroom window, shouting about the end of the world.

But then it was revealed that on the night of his wife's death Kirk had eaten part of a "marijuana candy."

All rise, Honorable Judge Grace presiding.

"When you HEAR a story like THIS, where the guy is HIGH, on a LEGAL, marijuana COOKIE, how can you CONTINUE, to insist that pot be LEGALized?" Grace shrieks, to the camera, to the panel members, to the planets, to the universe, to the miniature Nancy Grace in Nancy Grace's brain that is throwing rocks through the windows of the abandoned ETHICS & MORALS CO. building. "And I'm not talking about medical marijuana. So don't start up with that. I'm talking about recreational marijuana."

She lurches her head forward as she concludes each thought fragment, like she needs physical momentum to shake the words from her head and out of her mouth.

She uses air quotes and huffs and cranes her neck. She speaks in sentences that are each punctuated by "?????" She is our nation's emoji board for deviant crimes. She seems both terrified and confused by marijuana's existence. What is it? Where does it live? Who are its parents? Do you even KNOW if marijuana HAS parents? Actually, Nancy Grace seems confused and terrified by nearly everything. Somewhere, in a panicked sweat, she is climbing into a refrigerator to understand how the light turns off when you close the door.

On the phone is Dr. Michael Arnall, Informed Man and Forensic Pathologist. Grace asks him, "Dr. Arnall, you're there, you're in the middle of it all... uh... Dr. Arnall, joining us, from DENVER... where the Colorado ASSEMBLY deemed it OK to legalize recreational use of pot—Dr. Arnall, I wanna hear your thoughts on this."

What Arnall should have said is this: " MARIJUANA, LIKE OREOS AND JOY DIVISION AND PORNOGRAPHY, IS FREQUENTLY USED TO COMBAT PSYCHOLOGICAL IDIOSYNCRASIES. SOMETIMES WE FEEL FEELS AND IT IS VERY TRAUMATIC."

He said this instead: "Well I can tell you that it's relatively common to find THC—marijuana—in the blood after individuals either shoot or hang themselves, get in front of guns and are shot during homicides... So my impression is that there is just an appalling human carnage associated with this psychotropic drug."

And then, if just for a moment, Grace had nothing else to say.

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Photo by Kevin Winter/Tonight Show via Getty

Nancy Grace has said this about marijuana: that "hopped-up reefer maniacs are strangling people, killing whole families." That anyone who disagrees with her is "lethargic, sitting on the sofa, eating chips... fat and lazy." She said this about soda: "I mean, when my husband drinks a Diet Coke, Brad, I make him put it in an opaque plastic cup. I don't even want [my children] to see him having soda, OK? If they want to when they're 18, that`s their decision."

She is a provocative manifestation of our country's most puritanical set of morals. She is taking a stand and throwing up her hands, shaking her head and tsk-tsking, calling bullshit without the actual temerity to say "bullshit." In an interview with rapper 2 Chainz, she refers to B-roll footage of him smoking "a big fat doobie." She is a not-skinny white woman with just-so synthetic hair and a Macon, Georgia, accent dripping in oh-mah-LAWRD faux sincerity. Nancy Grace's fiancé was murdered while the two were in college, which makes her not only a martyr-by-association but a Champion of Justice with 100 EXP. If you have been molested or kidnapped or intoxicated, Grace is there to twist in her chair and let her mouth hang open in mock disgust, waiting for a hypothetical chorus of Midwestern housemoms to fill the void with a thousand gasps.

[youtube src='//www.youtube.com/embed/e25in2BNo48' width='640' height='360']

She is a hysteria merchant who traffics in outrageous gestures, finger wags, incendiary comments tossed off as by-the-ways. She is not malicious; she is an infant. She half-attempts to put bits of honesty and reason in her mouth and instead just smears them on the walls and on her face. Horrors are condensed to punch lines she can gleefully recite to Jay Leno , America's other babbling disseminator of populist ruminations. There is " vodka mom " and "gin baby" and " microwave baby " and "#totmom." Death only has a currency to her if it can be pillaged and peddled as a scandalous hashtag. She says things that could not even be slander because they are never designed with any purpose but to seem LOUD and BOTHERED. She is the wailing id of the couch-dwelling Middle American who can respond to things only on the most visceral, involuntary level. There is no analysis, just shock and wild hyperbole and "HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S CLIMBING THE FENCE. DAMMIT HE IS CLIMBING THAT FENCE" as she watches video of a fugitive being chased on foot. She is mad as heck, and she's not gonna take it anymore, by golly. Grace is the thought bubble above your delirious grandmother's head. She is the magnetism of piercing, semi-appropriate noises. She is an assassin of logic, of good taste and restraint—not by precise calculation but by tossing a grenade of "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO AMERICA, FOLKS?" and plugging her ears. She is a child making crash sound effects with its mouth while ramming two trucks together. She is our ability to interpret Things Happening only through incredulity and seemingly genuine utterances of completely generic phrases.

Nancy Grace is a vigilante who does not want justice; she wants to hold the megaphone. She doesn't want to find the boy; she wants to be seen marching through the woods. She is the opponent of Bad, only because the implication then is that she is the champion of Good. She doesn't care; she has Liked the "Cares" page on Facebook. It is an affectation, an opportunity, a platform, a trademark. She is in business because people are simultaneously fascinated and frightened by disasters. It is the canker sore they rub their tongue over. It is the human experience writ large—the devastation, the anxiety, the moments of fleeting hope. Her show is an emotional fantasy camp, both a mildly threatening departure from comfort and a moment to feel righteous.

***

In August of 2006, the son of Melinda Duckett, a 22-year-old Florida resident, was reported missing. Duckett came under suspicion because of some inconsistent responses to police questioning. Duckett appeared on Nancy Grace's show a few weeks later, where she was relentlessly harassed by Grace. Grace asked Duckett for details; Duckett was skittish. Grace said, "Ms. Duckett, you are not telling us for a reason. What is the reason?"

The next day, Duckett killed herself. In response to the suicide, Grace said, "If anything, I would suggest that guilt made her commit suicide."

And there she is again. Because there is no crusader without a crusade, and there is no crusade without a tragedy, and with no tragedy there is no one holding their head in their hands. Nancy Grace only exists because somewhere, on a front lawn on a cul-de-sac, or on a stoop in a steel-gray urban sprawl, people are crying because they have lost someone. A child's terrible death does not matter; his parents' reaction to the terrible death does not matter. What matters is Grace, howling on one side, and everyone else on the other, either sad or pretending to be sad, or watching and listening and feeling nothing at all.

John Saward likes O. V. Wright and eating guacamole with no pants on. He lives in Connecticut. Follow him on Twitter.

Ross Ulbricht Was Just Convicted of Running the Silk Road

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Ross Ulbricht Was Just Convicted of Running the Silk Road

Authorities in Vietnam Ran Over Hundreds of Cats with a Dump Truck

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Photo via Flickr user Sophie

On Monday reports from animal rights advocates in Vietnam confirmed that the hundreds of live cats intercepted by police as they were being smuggled into the country from China last Tuesday have been killed by the government. Initial reports indicated that the cats might have been buried alive. But this morning Le Duc Chinh of the Asia Canine Protection Alliance revealed to the Daily Mail that environmental protection officials hired a dump truck to crush the cats under its wheels while they sat locked in their cages. The animals were buried near the Kieu Ky waste treatment area under police surveillance.

"The cats were buried and covered with lime because of concerns that they might spread disease in the capital," the Daily Mail quoted Le Duc Chinh as saying. "Many of the cats had died during the long trip from china."

"I was appalled and asked them why they did this to the surviving cats, but the officials insisted they were following the law, which says they should destroy animals immediately if they do not have health-check certificates. I checked with waste company Binh Minh who buried the cats. They said they killed all the cats and then they buried them."

Originally intended for delivery to restaurants in Hanoi or nearby provinces for consumption as part of Vietnam's illegal yet growing market for cat meat , many had hoped that police would ignore regulations about the destruction of smuggled goods and save the cats ( many of them stolen pets ) by finding them treatment and new homes. This hope was likely boosted by the government's overtures to promote cats as pets (not food) to help with urban vermin outbreaks.

Yet if alternatives were considered, fear of disease spread from the uninspected, foreign felines—and the precedent of regularly destroying smuggled chickens —squelched them.

"Several of [the cats] had died," the Guardian quoted a Da Dong district (where the cats were intercepted) environmental official as saying. "There was a terrible smell that could affect the environment and carried risks of further diseases. Therefore we culled them by burying them."

"Vietnamese authorities were especially concerned with rabies, fungal skin diseases, and typhoid fever," Dana Laurence of the Wisconsin-based Global Conservation Group 's Cruelty Investigation Department, which has been receiving reports on the incident from and coordinating with local animal rights advocates throughout the cats' saga, told VICE.

Culls of smuggled or feral animals, including cats, for environmental or health reasons are not uncommon around the world. Many such campaigns or responses involve guns or veterinary euthanization. But even culls involving crushing or live burial are not entirely unprecedented, although they seem to be sparked by a sense of urgency, panic, or the need for last-resort action.

"I can say we've had cases similar to this," says Laurence. "For example, in 2010, South Korea buried 1.4 million pigs alive to contain the outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease ."

Yet it's unclear why Vietnamese authorities chose to use such brutal methods. Even those who approved of culling the cats would have preferred to see them euthanized and burned. Their approach seems especially odd given the global focus on the smuggled cats and numerous offers to help officials either rehabilitate and find new homes for them or humanely put them down.

"[The risk of disease] could have been successfully prevented or significantly minimalized without killing the cats by placing them in a quarantined enclosure for a period of time," says Laurence, "which is something we were willing to do."

"We had vets on standby from Thursday throughout the weekend ready to fly from Thailand," the Daily Mail quoted John Dalley of Thailand's Soi Dog Foundation as saying. "The Vietnamese authorities quite simply refused to give any information or respond to calls."

Even if the government did not wish to save the cats, advocate groups point out that they would have helped the government pay for something other than a dump-truck execution.

"They didn't have the resources to humanely euthanize the cats individually," admits Laurence. "[But that's] another service we offered to provide free of charge."

There is some indication that by the time help was offered, the cats may already have been killed, hence the sheepish and evasive responses by the Vietnamese government to aid offers.

"This happened so quickly," says Laurence. "In fact some reports indicate that the cats were almost immediately killed after being intercepted."

"However, if that was not the case, there was no reasonable basis for denying our request to assist them."

With the gruesome deed done, animal rights advocates are now focusing their efforts on issuing condemnations against the Vietnamese government . The hope is that this negative press and concentrated criticism will help to push forward the fight against animal smuggling and the adoption of more humane protocols for dealing with animals (smuggled or otherwise). But until that happens, the death of these hundreds of cats will feel gratuitous and meaningless.

Follow Mark Hay on Twitter.

Condoms Are Selling for $755 In Venezuela

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Photo via Flickr user trec_lit.

It's not easy being Venezuelan President Nicolas Marduro. For a long time now his country has pretty much been coasting on the revenues it gets from sitting on a massive supply of petroleum—oil makes up an estimated 95 percent of its export revenue, and 25 percent of the country's GDP comes from the oil and gas industries. Having such immense oil reserves definitely comes with benefits (as recently as 2014, gas was six cents a gallon), but with the price of oil falling, Maduro's country is now on the brink of financial collapse.

Venezuelans now wait in long lines for rationed food, which has gotten more scarce as oil prices have plummeted. But there are other indications that the South American nation is falling apart: According to listings on the marketplace Mercado Libre, Venezuelans are now paying up to $775 for a 36-pack of Trojan condoms.

The economics behind this situation are pretty simple: A drop in export revenue means that the government has less money to spend on imports and social services. "Instead of cutting social spending," Bloomberg reported today, "Maduro has responded to lower revenue by slashing imports."

Venezuela now has an inflation rate of above 50 percent, and in Caracas, a box of tampons costs $17; a two-liter of Coke is $7. And that's if you happen to catch a store when its shelves aren't empty. For its part, the government is blaming private business owners for the shortages of goods, reported VICE News today—the country's intelligence agency even arrested several pharmacy executives "on allegations that they had conspired to create the spectacle of hundreds of people lining up for scarce goods to embarrass his administration and foster a counterrevolution."

Whoever's to blame, according to Bloomberg condoms started flying off the shelves in December and are now basically impossible to find.

It gets worse: Abortion is illegal in Venezuela, which means that if a girl with no access to condoms gets pregnant, she's either having the baby or visiting an unregulated clinic.

This isn't the first time that there's been a condom shortage in a country with a state-run economy. Last April, Cuba wasn't able to meet its citizens' high demand for contraceptives and couldn't stock pharmacy shelves. And since that was exactly nine months ago, data should be rolling in soon on how condom shortages affect teenage pregnancy rates.

Follow Allie Conti on Twitter.

Mardi Gras in Bohemia

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As other parts of the world celebrate Mardi Gras and Carnival, Czechs enjoy their own version of the holiday by drinking alcohol outside in the freezing cold. Known as Masopust, which literally translates to "giving up meat," the festival was historically a final blowout before the beginning of Lent, although scarcely anyone in this largely atheist country keeps a Christian fast anymore. In the Czech countryside, where the older and stranger traditions survive, Masopust has deep pagan roots; the drinking, costumes, and customary pig slaughter are all meant to celebrate the approaching end of winter.

In the village of Hamry u Hlinska, about 100 miles east of Prague, it's fallen to the local fire department to be the stewards of the old Masopust traditions. Starting early in the morning, the firemen go from door to door dressed as wild characters, including horses, "Turks," and chimney sweeps who smear black paint on anyone they can get their hands on, ostensibly for luck. In return, residents bring out plates of sweets, sausages, and shots of hard liquor. By afternoon, most of the village is cold, dirty, drunk, and well-fed.

These are some photos from the festivities last weekend:

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[body_image width='1000' height='688' path='images/content-images/2015/02/04/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/04/' filename='czech-carnival-is-a-village-boozefest-body-image-1423073600.jpg' id='24370']

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[body_image width='1000' height='662' path='images/content-images/2015/02/04/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/04/' filename='czech-carnival-is-a-village-boozefest-body-image-1423073640.jpg' id='24372']

[body_image width='1000' height='667' path='images/content-images/2015/02/04/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/04/' filename='czech-carnival-is-a-village-boozefest-body-image-1423073660.jpg' id='24373']

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[body_image width='1000' height='667' path='images/content-images/2015/02/04/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/04/' filename='czech-carnival-is-a-village-boozefest-body-image-1423074096.jpg' id='24390']

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[body_image width='1000' height='655' path='images/content-images/2015/02/04/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/04/' filename='czech-carnival-is-a-village-boozefest-body-image-1423077165.jpg' id='24414']

[body_image width='1000' height='662' path='images/content-images/2015/02/04/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/04/' filename='czech-carnival-is-a-village-boozefest-body-image-1423077477.jpg' id='24418']

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See more photos by Margot Buff on her website.

This Week in Panic

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Illustrations by Joel Benjamin

I've been going hard on panic attacks recently. Harder than usual, ever since I had a bad one a few weeks ago, brought on by vertigo. What came first, the vertigo or the panic attack? In this case it was the vertigo, accompanied by nausea. I started feeling sick while having lunch with a creative collaborator. As in most social situations, I was scared to be honest about how I felt.

The sudden onset of nausea and vertigo led to a thought sequence that went: Oh my god. Something's wrong. Am I dying? Stand up. Don't stand up. Tell Brett. Don't tell Brett. I'm dying. This is it.

Eventually I told Brett what was happening by saying "I feel weird." It's rare for me to break the fourth wall of anxiety. I prefer to appear as though I have no human needs. Even if I am planning my funeral internally, I try to save the anxiety card for the future. Like, it's OK to terminate lunch once due to "feeling weird." But now I have used up my anxiety card with Brett. And because I have used up my anxiety card, I will have panic attacks every time I see him.

Once I've had a major panic attack, particularly one where I break the fourth wall of anxiety, I begin to fear more panic attacks. I fear fear. And since fear is a catalyst for fear, this leads to more panic attacks.

Historically, I've had some success stopping the cycle using an e-book called Panic Away. There's a part of the book that tells you to "welcome the panic"—like, tell it you are glad it is here and even ask for more. The idea is that when you genuinely welcome the feelings, you are not feeding fear with fear. But first you have to acknowledge the sensations you are feeling and not run from them.

Panic attack symptoms suck. They include: shortness of breath, suffocating feelings, choking sensations, rapid heartbeat, blurred vision, tingling in arms and legs, butterflies in stomach, lightheadedness, shaking, sweating, and, my least favorite, dissociation. For those of you who have experienced these symptoms and thought you were dying, welcome to the club.

In an effort to "welcome the panic" I decided to write down every anxious sensation I experienced for a week. Since I knew I was doing this for public consumption, it's almost like I was begging to give myself an attack. My hope was that I would get performance anxiety and then not have any, thereby breaking the cycle.

Friday, January 23

8:20 PM: About to eat dinner at home. Feelings of dread. Tightness in chest. I said the words "salad" and "microwave burrito" out loud and got scared. Then I wrote this down and the feelings went away. Does this liveblog give me a purpose, a distraction from the existential? Patient, heal thyself!

10:03 PM: Thought about getting into bed with a pint of diet ice cream with popcorn mixed into it and experienced a choking sensation and vague feeling of dread. Unsure what the connection is between anxiety and food, other than a lifetime of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and an inability to make peace with my appetite.

10:06 PM: Felt a strange ringing in my ears. Thought it was the end.

10:41 PM: Heard the name of the old baseball stadium from the city where I grew up and thought Dad. Felt a wave of anxiety in my chest. Realized it was sadness.

Saturday, January 24

5:47 AM: Woke abruptly from a dream involving Vitamin Water Zero and couldn't breathe. Realized I must be breathing since I was still alive. Didn't go back to sleep.

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7:12 AM: Somehow ended up in an internet vortex of Johnny Depp. Now I'm reading Johnny Depp quotes on Goodreads. Johnny says, "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." Suffocating.

11:42: AM: Exhausted. Felt a tightness in my chest when I saw the name of a city where someone who I used to love currently lives. Clutching chest. Feel like it will kill me. Also, why did I let Johnny Depp make me feel bad? Like, why am I doubting myself based on love advice from Johnny Depp? Also, what if the second person you love doesn't love you?

12:31 PM: At a gathering of women, listening to a woman speak. I was late getting here and the only seat left was in the front row. I feel like they are watching me. If something happens and I have to get up it will be weird. Is the room spinning? I feel like the room has a heartbeat. I don't want to feel anything.

12:39 PM: Scared that I'm not going to be OK or be able to function in the world.

11:22 PM: Watching the Eric Andre show, thinking about what it would mean to have a nervous breakdown. Worrying about hospitalization.

Sunday, January 25

10:15 AM: Woke up overwhelmed by everything. I can't do it.

12:23 PM: Going to the beach. Am scared of the beach, the quiet and openness. Stopped at a market to get sandwiches and saw a sad teen boy getting weird General Tso's chicken, or something, from the hot bar. Asphyxiating. How do people survive?

1:09 PM: At the beach. Took four shells and held them in my palms and said the words anxiety, worry, fear, depression and threw them into the ocean. Didn't want to let them go.

1:37 PM: And then what?

7:12 PM: Noticed I am getting a couple of chinzits. Got excited for a second that I would have something on which to focus my free-floating anxiety.

9:26 PM: Eating Cheesecake Factory Skinnylicious Mexican tortilla salad to go and thinking about the suffering in the world. Like, not individual suffering but a big cloudy mass. I am suffering. Please don't leave me alone with all of these feelings. Please leave me alone.

Monday, January 26

2:53 PM: Haven't had to see any other human beings today and am sort of OK.

Tuesday, January 27

3:39 AM: Felt anxious. Decided I would feel better if I masturbated. I do feel better now, but spent three hours "browsing" Pornhub before I came. Will be tired tomorrow. Exhaustion is an anxiety trigger. Seriously have no idea how to take care of myself. Or, like, I do have an idea but don't want to.

12:17 PM: Just got out of therapy. Experienced the sensation of smothering to death and also that my vision was blurry during session. Didn't have a full attack. Managed to hold on. Was actually talking about prior panic attacks, and possible underlying feelings beneath prior panic attacks, while I was having this pre-attack. Didn't tell therapist I was having pre-attack, because I didn't want her to judge me or feel like she was giving me the attack. Is this counterintuitive?

7:05 PM: In a group of people. Scared, exhausted, pronounced heartbeat, dissociation, shortness of breath, butterflies in tummy, tingles in limbs. Scared to talk. Like it's too much effort for me to handle. Feel like I can't sit still but also like I shouldn't move.

7:07 PM: It's hard to believe that these are just feelings and not THE END. How could it just be feelings? The hardest thing I have ever had to face is feelings. The hardest thing I have ever had to face is me.

Wednesday, January 28

2:07 PM: Out with a Canadian musician getting coffee. Thought we would be in a group with him and his friends and that would have been better, because it is easier to slip out of groups than one on one. But it turned out to be one on one. Now I am talking to him about his ex-girlfriend's anxiety problems and my anxiety problems, while simultaneously not addressing the anxiety I am having right now. Like, it's as though the anxiety we are talking about and the anxiety I am experiencing are two different things.

2: 55 PM: Sometimes I think I've had sex with people just so they would stop talking.

9:54 PM: Note to self: I don't like going places, only escaping from them.

Thursday, January 29

5:38 PM: On my way to meet with Brett and another creative collaborator. Feel like I am leaving my body. What if I just decide not to identify with the feeling. Like, what if I dissociate from the dissociation?

6:57 PM: Heavy face, head buzzing, dissociation, butterflies in tummy, shortness of breath, exhausted, room blurry. But like, can it be OK that I feel this way? It's uncomfortable as fuck but maybe I can just watch the feelings happening to me. Like, my body is happening to me but there is a me it isn't happening to. There is an untouched part.

EPILOGUE

Thus ends my week in panic. I didn't have any full-blown panic attacks during the week, only brushes with full-blown attacks. Like, the words I'm dying didn't come into my mind. That's progress, maybe.

On the Friday night following my week in panic, I had sex. Prior to intercourse, I made myself come with my vibrator while my partner's face basically hung out "near the area." When I came I kind of wailed, and the wailing, I felt, was like me calling out to god or the universe or whatev about my anxiety. Just like, take this shit already.

Then we had intercourse, post-me coming and wailing, and I continued to cry the whole time. I don't like using up the crying during sex card. But I was glad to be with a partner with whom I felt comfortable crying and with whom I have cried during sex before. I've actually cried with this person during sex so many times that he maybe thinks it's because the sex isn't good.

But the sex is good. And the crying is good.

I cannot say exactly what I am crying about—just, like, this ineffable heaviness of being alive and knowing you are going to die one day, for real. It's a lot for a human being to handle.

Sometimes when I start crying I am scared that I will never stop. But I am scared of everything.

So Sad Today is a never-ending existential crisis played out in 140 characters or less. Its anonymous author has struggled with consciousness since long before the creation of the Twitter feed in 2012, and has finally decided the time has come to project her anxieties on a larger screen, in the form of a biweekly column on this website. Read the first and second installments here and here.

How I Felt After 70 Days of Lying in Bed for Science

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In November, we ran a story about a NASA study that was paying Andrew Iwanicki $18,000 to lie in bed for three months. This is how the remainder of the study went.

I woke up on December 2 and for the first time in 70 days, I stood up. Or at least, I tried to. The nurses wheeled me over to a hospital bed that would be tilted vertically, with blood pressure cuffs hugging my arm and my finger, an ultrasound machine pointing at my heart. Then they told me, with the encouragement that you'd give a toddler learning to walk, to try standing for 15 minutes.

As soon as the bed was tilted to the vertical position, my legs felt heavier than ever before. My heart started to beat around at 150 BPMs. My skin became itchy; I was covered in sweat. Blood rushed into my legs, expanding the veins that had become increasingly elastic throughout the past several months of bed rest. I felt like I was going to faint. I was fighting to remain standing from the start and it only became more difficult. Around the eight-minute mark, my pulse dropped from 150 down to 70. My body was about to collapse. As my vision started to go black, the staff saw my numbers drop on the machines and promptly returned the bed to the horizontal position. It was only later that they told me that none of the NASA bed rest subjects have lasted the full 15 minutes.

It was no surprise my body acted this way, of course. After spending 70 days tilted at a negative-six-degree angle, I had lost about 20 percent of my total blood volume. The standing test simulated the effects on astronauts' cardiovascular systems during spacecraft reentry to Earth or Mars. But it was easy to forget all that because most of the NASA bed rest study had been, despite my expectations, kind of boring.

When I last wrote about my experiences in the study, I was still in the honeymoon phase—there were a parade of researchers poking and prodding me, sure, but it was also one of the most relaxing times of my adult life. For years, I had continually been in a rush: cramming for tests in college, staying ahead in the workplace, and fulfilling social obligations during whatever gaps I could find. All of that was suddenly gone. Beyond following the program protocol, I had no real responsibilities. I was free to do as I pleased—as long as it didn't involve leaving my bed, or eating a snack, or taking a nap. Some days, I read from morning until night. On others, I spent several hours on the phone with friends and family. I spent an ungodly amount of time fiddling with my fantasy football teams and playing StarCraft 2. Sometimes, I would simply lie peacefully, reflecting on the past, planning for the future, or basking in a quiet moment. I was truly appreciative of these opportunities afforded by my state of isolation. But eventually, the novelty wore off.

The following eight weeks in bed were a drastic departure from that early period. While the days were punctuated by regular meals, exercise, vital sign readings, and intermittent testing, the bulk of my time was empty. Even the testing became increasingly monotonous: I was often asked to lie completely still while data was collected. An MRI machine measured the growth and decay of my muscles. An X-ray checked my bone density. A plastic bubble captured my air intake. I was left alone for extended periods of time with only my thoughts and a view of foam tile ceiling.

By the fourth week, I could feel a significant psychological shift. I became accustomed to my isolated antisocial state. I wrote fewer emails to friends. Conversations with the staff became shorter, more practical. I made phone calls to family less often. I often felt I had nothing to share.

"Hey, Drew! What have you been up to?"

"Not much. Still in bed..."

That's not to say my days were completely blithe. I was still shitting in a bedpan, after all. I still experienced moments of fear and anxiety. I was certain that I was one bad day away from a mental breakdown—how could I possibly just drift through ten weeks in bed?

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The most intense anxiety during this time actually stemmed from my girlfriend's upcoming visit. I was fully aware of my odd mental state and I was certain I looked pretty foul, though I hadn't glanced in a mirror in over a month. What would our visit be like when I couldn't even stand up to properly greet her? Was I even capable of extended conversation after so many hours of solitude? How would she react when she saw me in shambles: detached, vulnerable, and dependent? Tears were inevitable and I wouldn't even be able to comfort her the way I should.

As soon as she came into the hospital wing, she jumped on the bed to hug and kiss me. A rush of euphoric release was immediately interrupted as a nurse rushed in to inform her that she could not be on the bed at any time. In fact, she wasn't allowed to even touch the bed "for safety reasons." We had been waiting for over two months to see one another, and this was how it had to be.

She sat in a chair by my side as we talked for three days. Physical contact was limited. We couldn't explore the town together. We couldn't even share a meal, since guests weren't allowed to bring outside food into the unit. When lights out came around, she drove back to her hotel to sleep alone. It was a cruel tease that reminded us both of what we were missing. It shook me from my meditative state and reawakened a desire for my former life outside the hospital walls.

That was the last truly personal interaction I had for another two months.

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An average meal in the research unit

The following weeks held few details of note. The days blurred together. I tried to avoid counting down my time left; rather, I measured my stay by my increasing sensitivity to the small, daily frustrations that were slowly chipping away at my mind. Why did I have to drink water out of an open glass, even though at the angle of my bed, it inevitably spilled all over my table and chest? Why did they serve soup in shallow bowls? Why were they serving soup to people in bed anyway? Did any of the staff have any idea what it was like to be stuck in bed?

After the fifth time I ate a soggy, microwaved filet of fish, I finally asked if I could be served something else—anything else. During orientation, the staff had assured us that they would do their best to cater to individuals' tastes, but the dietitian's response was simply a friendly apology and explanation that they must keep all participants' diets consistent. I asked if I might be able to substitute dry cereal for the oatmeal we were often served for breakfast. Again, the answer was no. My biggest win was the addition of one packet of black pepper to each meal.

Around week seven, the other two participants in CFT 70 finished their part of the study. I congratulated them as they left, but considering how isolated we all were, I hardly noticed a difference when they were gone. Without them, I was the last man lying and the only subject on the hospital wing.

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In the home stretch, I forced myself to think about all that I had gained from the past 70 days. I had read hundreds of pages. I was meditating regularly. I was rediscovering my love of video games and kicking ass in fantasy football. And I was putting some serious money in the bank—almost $18,000, when all was said and done.

And so I found myself at the end of the ten weeks in good sprits and feeling healthy—until the last day of the study, when they tilted me upright and asked me to stand.

I remained horizontal until the following day. That morning, I was strapped to a stretcher and put in the back of a van to head to Johnson Space Center for the first of four rounds of marathon testing. As I was wheeled through the sliding glass doors of the hospital, sunlight touched my skin for the first time in over two months. This was the first time I had a good look at the sky or anything that wasn't the stark white walls of the hospital, and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. My deprivation begat a revitalized appreciation for the simple pleasures of the world.

I performed the same slew of testing that I did pre–bed rest: running through mazes, jumping off of platforms, standing on force plates, executing hand-eye coordination tasks, testing my balance, measuring my leg and arm strength. And yes, the Muscle Twitch Test, a.k.a. the Blast Your Fucking Leg Full of Electricity Test. But the anxiety I felt in pre-bed rest tests was replaced with anticipation. The finish line was in sight and each electrical shock brought me one measurement closer to my freedom. I was a mere two weeks away from completing my 108-day stay.

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The author's fond farewell to urinating into a "pee jug" rather than the toilet

As I was wheeled into the testing facility, I was greeted by many familiar and unfamiliar faces. A number of the research staff had decided to come to watch the final participant of the CFT 70 project take his first steps. I was certainly excited, but I imagine many of them were even more thrilled than me. While this project had consumed my life for the last three months, it had been the primary focus of their work for four years. It was an important moment for all of us.

With a staff member on each side and an audience on hand, I sat up on the stretcher and stepped down onto the ground. My feet tingled like they were asleep. My legs felt strong, but my balance was weak. My first steps were sluggish and short as I dragged my feet across the ground and kicked my ankles. I lacked all the fine coordination skills that I hadn't used for months. I felt sharp pains in my ankles and feet as I pivoted through the obstacle course and I certainly couldn't walk a straight line well, but I completed all the tests without any real troubles.

Within a few days of casual strolling and formal reconditioning exercise, my balance returned and my endurance began to recover. By the end of the two-week post–bed rest period, I felt 95 percent physically normal. I was ready to go.

On the 108th day, I packed my bags as I fantasized about everything that awaited me outside the hospital walls: On the way to the airport, I would have a breakfast burrito, maybe even a Bloody Mary. I was moments away from delicious food, bontiful liquor, the sun, and my girlfriend.

I said a round of farewells to the staff and thanked them profusely. Despite any of my complaints, the team was full of good-hearted people who had intelligently designed and executed a remarkable feat. I was truly appreciative of their focus, hard work, and support.

With $18,000 added to my bank account, an open calendar, and freedom from any protocol beyond state and federal law, I felt better than I had in years. I had no regrets. And so, as I sipped an overpriced Bloody Mary in the airport terminal, I found myself looking into new research studies. There was one infecting participants with a new flu strain, which paid $4,000 for ten days... Who says I couldn't do it all over again?

Follow Andrew Iwanicki on Twitter and Instagram.


A Lady and Her Service Kangaroo Got Kicked Out of a Wisconsin McDonald's

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Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Last Friday night, Larry Moyer and his wife Diana, brought their baby kangaroo into a McDonald's in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin, as one does. Diana has cancer, and has apparently been using the kangaroo as a therapy animal to help her cope with her illness, which sounds adorable and also where do you even get a kangaroo in Wisconsin? (The couple actually has five of the animals, but they only bring the youngest out in public, and he was wearing a diaper and in a stroller.) Anyway, as the couple was finishing their meal, the cops showed up in response to a complaint from another customer, who apparently thought that having a kangaroo in a fast food place was illegal. The Moyers were asked to take their kangaroo, whose name is Jimmy, outside.

When the local news station that reported the story reached out to McDonald's, the company replied with a statement:

We are aware a customer called the authorities regarding this incident, who then investigated and took the steps to resolve the situation. Our policy is to make our restaurants accessible to all customers, including those with disabilities and special needs.

It's a delicately written piece of PR brilliance that leaves the question, "Hey can I take a kangaroo into McDonald's?" unresolved until the next time someone tries it.

My first response is that I don't want to meet the monster who experiences any emotion other than joy upon seeing a kangaroo at McDonald's—it adds a little sunshine to an otherwise depressing experience. But is it OK to take a kangaroo into a McDonald's, legally and ethically? And can a kangaroo really help you with your medical problems?

When I asked Dena W. Iverson, a spokesperson at the Department of Justice, about kangaroos being recognized as therapy animals in public, she shot the idea down. "There are two [animals] that are recognized under the ADA—dogs and miniature horses," she told me in an email. Indeed, a fact sheet for business owners goes deeper into the issue: "Under the ADA, 'comfort,' 'therapy,' or 'emotional support animals' do not meet the definition of a service animal."

In other words, McDonald's can let you feed quarter-pounders to your "emotional support Burmese python" if it wants, but the company is not legally required to. (Curiously, restaurants do have to let you bring in a small horse, although that provision might be trumped by the local health code.)

But in a New Yorker article last year, writer Patricia Marx experimented with stunts like taking a llama into a drug store and found that people surprisingly permissive of her phony "support animal." Where are people getting the idea that shopkeepers and bus drivers have to tolerate whatever animal you're keeping around?

The answer is that they don't know the law, or they're just being courteous. Even if you're toting around an emperor penguin that you say you need to nuzzle to stay sane, no one really has any reason to hassle you unless the penguin is making itself a nuisance. That was the gist of a conversation I had with Anne Wicklund of MrPaws.com, a company that dresses service and therapy animals, even unofficial ones. Unlike other such organizations, Wickland will put a vest on an animal only after she's satisfied that it's been properly trained. (Some other vendors would "register a Beanie Baby, as long as you send a check," according to Marx.)

Therapy animals aren't service animals according to Wicklund. "A therapy animal goes into hospitals and homes, and lets people pet them. That makes them feel good, because when you pet an animal you release a hormone called oxytocin." The training for a therapy animal varies, she told me. "It involves earning a training certificate, and being appropriately behaved, and they may or may not have to wear a vest, depending on the facility."

As for service animals, which go out in public with people, and are legally protected, the rules are clearer. "People used to try and pass of a lot of different animals, particularly potbellied pigs and cats, but they can't anymore," Wicklund said. "They're not legal, and the owners know it, but they wear a vest anyway,"

But legalities aside, should a kangaroo be out and about with people? Jimmy, the Moyers' kangaroo, was a baby, so he wasn't very disruptive. But an adult? That'd be a different story.

Kangaroos can't even live in your house comfortably, according to the website of Kangaroo Creek Farm in British Columbia. They need space to hop around, and they can cause a lot of mess. "A roo in the house will get into everything. Once it starts eating solid food, potty training goes right down the tubes too," the site says. It's also worth noting that kangaroos are poorly adapted to living around humans, because your kangaroo might die of toxoplasmosis if it ever gets near a cat.

So as a service animal, a dog beats a kangaroo any day of the week. But a roo could defeat a dog in a wrestling match no problem:

[youtube src='//www.youtube.com/embed/Jeyc0K9okos' width='640' height='360']

Follow Mike Pearl on Twitter.

Love Industries: The South Korean Love Industry

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This video originally appeared on VICE UK.

With one of the lowest birth rates in the world, South Korea is in danger of disappearing by the end of the millennium. If the situation stays as it is, South Koreans are predicted to become extinct by 2750. Because of the rapidly aging population, elderly prostitutes known as "Bacchus ladies" have cornered a number of public parks as their working areas. Meanwhile, South Korean kids are living with their families well into their 20s—as a result, an entire economy of sex motels has sprung up to give kids a place to fool around outside the watchful eyes of their parents.

We sent Matt Shea to investigate this generational crisis, which led him to Seoul's Red Light District, a pre-wedding photo shoot on the set of a Korean soap opera, and an erotic sculpture park on South Korea's "honeymoon island."

The Netflix Porn Doc 'Hot Girls Wanted' Reinforces Tired Sexual Stereotypes

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Hot Girls Wanted, the latest documentary from directors Jill Bauer and Ronna Gradus, follows a group of young women who work in Miami's burgeoning porn industry. The girls all live together in a beach house owned by their agent Riley, who recruited them from Craigslist and profits by charging them room and board and a 10 percent cut of the pay they earn having sex on camera.

The film's central mission is to highlight the impact working in porn has on the women who participate in it. But while there is a need for thoughtful critique of porn and the working conditions its performers face, it won't be found here. Instead,Hot Girls Wanted offers unexamined statements and vague intimations about how doing porn harms women and watching it warps men.

The film begins demurely for a documentary about pornography. Plain graphics inform the viewer that there are more visits to the top porn sites each month than to Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined. (A quick check of this claim leads to public relations materials from a defunct porn site.) The film then claims that "amateur" porn is the largest sector of the business, and "this part of the industry hasn't been documented." This assertion isn't entirely correct: In porn, "amateur" is a label that is slapped on professional videos that feature young, implant-free women who are new to the business.

Another graphic states that the industry as a whole is not subject to any federal regulations past proving that all performers are over 18. This is true, but it isn't explained that this is partly a result of pornography's legacy as a First Amendment issue, and that pornography shoots are subject to state and local regulations. They might add, but don't, that fear of new regulations is one of the reasons porn studios are moving from Los Angeles to Miami.

These statistics and facts, devoid of context and arranged to cause alarm, set the stage for an internet-age exposé of an industry that profits from the exploitation of naive barely-legal girls drawn by the promise of fast money and internet fame.

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The central subject of the film is Tressa, a former cheerleader from New Braunfels, Texas. She says that if it wasn't for the internet, she'd probably have just gotten a job waitressing. After some early success in the business, Tressa ends up getting a boyfriend, Kendall, who doesn't approve of her career. He says that now, "Every time I see a porn, I'm like, that's someone's girlfriend, someone's daughter." It's revealing how Kendall's concerns about women in porn are only in relation to their relationships with men. Instead of exploring the inherent possessiveness of Kendall's thinking, the film focuses on porn as the problem in his and Tressa's relationship.

When Tressa is with the other girls in Riley's house, the film is a pleasure, partly because no one could screw up putting a camera in a house with four porn performer roommates. Those scenes showcase the camaraderie that can develop among women in sex work settings as they crack jokes about their costars' endowment and creampie shoots.

But that solid footage is disrupted by the directors' supporting material—rapid-fire montages of overtly sexual, pop culture that include videos by Robin Thicke, an interview with Kim Kardashian, scenes from HBO's Girls, and Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" video. The argument that popular culture is getting too sexy is one as old as Elvis's hips, and for the more conservative-minded, the current moment always seems like the point it's gone too far. As Bauer and Gradus did in their previous film, Sexy Baby,they put forth the idea that porn has so thoroughly saturated popular culture that it's not even necessary to watch actual pornography to absorb its influence.

And to Bauer and Gradus, that influence is negative. Intercut with clips of a shoot for a niche site that specializes in the physical humiliation of Latina women are graphics discussing the trend of forced blowjobs in porn and statistics about the prevalence of violence against women in online porn. Rather than explore how pornography might reflect society rather than shape it, they point to porn as the cause of societal ills. Bauer, for one, thinks that this leads to sexual assault. In an interview last week, she said, "All these [frat] boys are watching this porn... and it is no mistake that their behavior is aggressive, and that there are all these rapes on college campuses, because this is where it's starting. This is what they're watching."

To reduce an epidemic of sexual assault to a problem instigated by pornography is problematic, at best. So, too, is Jones's claim that "the trauma that it does on your body to have sex for a living is a real thing."

Not that there aren't downsides to working in porn, and watching the performers struggle with their work is illuminating. In one affecting scene, Ava is working on an unpleasant age play shoot in which she barely looks at her much, much older co-star. When she steps out of her post-scene shower, she says, "I was not into that last part at all. This is so just work right now," in much the same tone she might use if she were working at Starbucks. She then shares a much worse experience, when she was flown to a job only to discover that it was a forced blowjob shoot, which she hadn't agreed to in advance and that she said made her understand how rape victims felt when they questioned their own actions after sexual assault.

But does that mean that doing porn means signing up for compromised boundaries? While porn performer may be the only legal occupation where sexual boundaries are so blatantly up for negotiation, it's not the only place where workers can get treated unfairly. It's just the only place where the industry itself, rather than its practices, is subject to condemnation. Porn performers need the space to talk about bad experiences, however they describe them, without having them used as evidence against their entire business. Hot Girls Wanted reinforces tired sexual stereotypes that harm all women, while ignoring the real work concerns specific to porn performers. In its moral simplicity and willingness to exploit its subjects, it ends up resembling the genre it aims to expose.

Follow Susan Elizabeth Shepard on Twitter.

The Town Where Everyone Got Free Money

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The Town Where Everyone Got Free Money

US Secrecy Slammed After New Claims That Saudi Royals Supported Al Qaeda

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US Secrecy Slammed After New Claims That Saudi Royals Supported Al Qaeda

The Cairo Chef Who Helped Feed a Revolution

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The Cairo Chef Who Helped Feed a Revolution

German Neo-Nazis Threatened My Life with a Fake Online Obituary

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Felix's "obituary" reads: "Journalist Felix Huesmann—you will definitely not live on in our hearts. It will soon be time to go."

This article originally appeared on VICE Germany.

Although the city of Dortmund has long been a notorious hotbed of far-right activity, extremist groups have seen a marked decline of influence in recent years. Even so, neo-Nazi activists have stepped up their rhetoric in the past few months, mocking victims of far-right murders and threatening politicians, police chiefs, and journalists.

On Monday, five journalists received death threats in the form of fake death certificates posted to a Facebook page. One of the them, Felix Huesmann, is a VICE Germany contributor. Here's what he had to say in response:

Journalists are the enemy. Carry a camera to a PEGIDA demonstration—or any classic bigot march for that matter—and you'll get that message loud and clear. You'll be mercilessly berated for belonging to the "lying press" and will probably end up being chased through the city's streets by a mob. Hey, if you're as lucky as me, you might even get a covert death threat.

I've been reporting on the racist hordes roaming Germany's streets for a while now. Unfortunately, since I live in Dortmund, there's a lot of them around. This place has been West Germany's neo-Nazi stronghold since the 1980s. Five people have been killed by neo-Nazis in Dortmund since 2000. It's a city of right-wing hooligans and skinheads; the Autonomous Nationalists party have elected officials in the city council.

This past November, when the Hooligans Against Salifists group rampaged through Cologne, Dortmund's right-wing radicals did everything in their power to show their support. Protected by the masses chanting "lying press," those who showed up at the riot branded the journalists as "antifascist cunts" and kicked colleagues of mine to the ground.

In December, they announced they would be holding a demonstration outside the home of the editor of a local newspaper, Ruhrnachrichten.The police moved the event to another part of town and blocked the antifascists' counter-demonstration, but paint bombs were still lobbed onto the guy's house a few days later.

It was around that time that the first fake obituary of a colleague surfaced online—he also reported on the escapades of Dortmund's neo-Nazis regularly. Shortly before that was the first time I was directly addressed at a Nazi rally: "Hey Felix, I've heard your street is painted brown," some asshole whispered to me.

This aggression toward the press in Dortmund escalated to a new level this week. All of a sudden, on Monday night, a Facebook page called "The Hunt Is Now On" posted a bunch of fake obituaries. Aside from me, four more Dortmund-based journalists were targeted.

"Journalist Felix Huesmann—you will definitely not live on in our hearts. It will soon be time to go," mine said. Compared to the others' obituaries mine was sweet—someone else's just read: "Burn Jew Burn."

Of course, the first thing I did when I read those threats was worry. But my second thought was: "You fuckers! Do you really think I'm going to write less now? Do you really think these anonymous threats will intimidate me?" Since then, I've been receiving a lot of support from complete strangers and have also been thinking a little about my reporting.

All these years, I've been playing nice, but the Nazis just went far below the belt. Maybe it's about time to redirect the public's attention to the alcoholism of one of Dortmund's far-right figureheads. Or to the heroin addiction of those same thugs who walk around Dortmund protesting against drugs. Trust me, the list goes on.

But I actually won't to go there. It wouldn't be fair to the normal people who are battling addiction to be grouped together with these morons. To vilify the type of people who laugh off Anne Frank's murder, all you need to do is call them what they are: Nazis. Which is what I'll keep on doing.

Follow (or threaten) Felix on Twitter.


This Is What It's Like to Be Gay in the Countryside

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Artwork by Nick Scott

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

During her childhood, deep in the hills of rural Shropshire, the gay postman from my mother's village hanged himself. This was the 50s, when homosexuality was still illegal; when love had to be hidden behind the sexless screen of a sham marriage and the shame of your heart's desire ended up tied around your throat like a rope.

Little, you may think, has changed. While shows like Cucumber celebrate the world of urban gay culture (although it's taken long enough for a gay television program to come along again), the lives of young LGBT farmers, herdsman, gamekeepers, and shop owners seem as silent as a stillborn lamb. Oh sure, The Archers has one gay couple. And Clare Balding strides around the highways and byways of Britain on Radio 4. But young, sexually-active, ambitious gay people living in the countryside? There aren't very many.

And yet, they exist. How could they not? "We have always had lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans members on the website since we launched in 2007," says Heather Brown, from the dating website Muddy Matches. "At the moment, we have almost three times as many gay and bisexual men than we do lesbian or bisexual women. But that matches up with statistics from the Integrated Household Survey, which found that 1.5 percent of men and and 0.7 percent of women identified as gay or bisexual."

All farmers are facing a shitstorm at the moment. Dairy prices have dropped so low that bottled water is now cheaper than milk; the long shadow of foot and mouth still lurks over many beef and mixed farms; fluctuating oil prices, feed prices, and currency markets make long-term planning almost impossible. The recession is still biting at the heels of small family farms and it now costs more to shear a sheep (which you must do, by law) than you can earn from the sale of its fleece.

No wonder, then, that so many young people in rural communities are giving up, slipping into the well-worn wheel rut of rural-urban migration and heading for UK cities. Add to that the isolation, loneliness, and frustration of being the only LGBT person for miles and the move seems almost inevitable.

"I grew up in a little village in Shropshire on the side of a hill, surrounded by fields, with no street lights or tarmac," says Josh, a young gay man I spoke to via email. "There were no 'out' people in my village or my school, probably because of the incredibly negative attitudes of most of the kids in my year. So I had no clue that coming out was a good thing, or that it would make me a happier person. Not only was there no one I could theoretically date but there was also no one I could really talk to about dating or being gay."

Because Josh couldn't drive, that isolation was both physical and emotional. "There aren't many dates you can go on if you don't have a car. The only way I could really 'date' other guys was by going to the nearest city, wandering around the center, playing demo video games in Virgin Megastores, and ordering enormous sugary coffees."

Of course, like porn, shopping, stalking your ex, and watching videos of dogs barking "I Love You," all this changed with broadband internet. "The internet allowed us to move to the country," says Adam Willcox, who moved to rural Wales three years ago with his partner Andy Richards to set up a smallholding. Not only does it make tertiary sector work possible in a rural setting, but the combination of broadband and smartphones also meant the introduction of LGBT dating apps to our green and pleasant land.

"We have a friend here who we introduced to Grindr. That was quite eye-opening," laughs Adam. "There's lots of stuff going on. It might not all be on your doorstep, but there are people on there."

Are there lots of people in straight relationships looking on Grindr, I wonder? "We live here day-to-day so I wouldn't want to comment on that," replies Adam. Fair enough. Because forget gas, milk, and whisky—what rural communities really run on is gossip. "In a village, it doesn't take long for everybody to find out who you are, even if you don't know them," says Adam. "But people have been really, really lovely. When we first moved in, our neighbour appeared at the door with loads of veg she'd grown herself, to welcome us to the village."

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While homosexuality isn't a purely urban phenomenon, nor is homophobia a purely rural problem. "There's this belief that big cosmopolitan cities have the least prejudice to race and sexuality," says a young gay mother who recently moved back to the Cumbrian village where she was raised. "But both my wife, who has always lived in the city, and I believe this isn't the case. When we were living in Newcastle and working for the government we encountered a lot more homophobia, especially when my wife struggled to get paternity leave for the birth of our first child."

She is now the practice nurse at the local surgery—a position that she believes allows people to get to know her before learning about her sexuality. "Whenever they do see me and my wife, they can see how comfortable and happy we are with each other but more importantly how happy our daughter is. I think that quashes any out-of-date concerns they have. I'm confident that if anyone was to question my lifestyle they would simply be told, 'She's just little old L, the postman's daughter.'"

Moving to the countryside with a partner is a very different to being young, single, and LGBT at the bend of a river or in the lieu of a hill. "Where I grew up I knew my options for dating were really limited," says the illustrator Adam Pryce. "At school I always had girlfriends—I think that's because I love being around women—but I only had my first gay relationship when I moved to Manchester. I'm definitely attracted to people who are creative, who can educate me about the world, their views, and how I work as a person. I know for a fact that I wouldn't have met such a person if I had stayed in the countryside."

While Grindr might deliver you casual sex and even meaningful romance, caring for your mind in the country may take a little more cultivation. But there is some help out there. "Our recent national campaign has focused on mental health," says Cath Sykes from National Federation of Young Farmers' Clubs. We've been working with YoungMinds and the Farming Community Network to tackle the issue of rural isolation. We have been encouraging clubs to make local links and arrange talks, so that more members are aware of the services available and where to go for help. We also have a sexual health area at our Annual Convention where 5,000 members, aged 18 and over, have access to information and advice."

It's a start. We can only hope that it's enough. Enough to support the next generation of gay vets, beaters, fruit pickers, and farmers. Enough to keep them happy and keep them in the countryside.

Because, while you may be standing in some corner of a furrowed field that is forever lonely, you are not alone. Not really. "Don't ever think that because you're the only LGBT person in your area that you are wrong or will be alone forever," says Josh. "Don't ever feel pressured to come out. But believe me, being honest about who you are and who you like makes you feel better."

Follow Nell on Twitter.

The Brazilian Town Where the American Confederacy Lives On

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One day last spring, near an old rural cemetery in southern Brazil, a black man named Marcelo Gomes held up the corners of a Confederate flag to pose for a cell-phone photo. After the picture was taken, Gomes said he saw no problem with a black man paying homage to the history of the Confederate States of America. "American culture is a beautiful culture," he said. Some of his friends had Confederate blood.

Gomes had joined some 2,000 Brazilians at the annual festa of the Fraternidade Descendência Americana, the brotherhood of Confederate descendants in Brazil, on a plot near the town of Americana, which was settled by Southern defectors 150 years ago. The graveyard is usually empty save for its caretaker or the odd worshipper drawn to its little brick chapel. On the April morning of the festa, a public-address system blaring the Confederate battle song "Stonewall Jackson's Way" had interrupted the cemetery's silence. Brazilians in ten-gallon hats and leather jackets called out greetings.

For miles around the graveyard, unfiltered sun beat down on sugarcane fields planted by the thousands of Confederates who had rejected Reconstruction and fled the United States in the wake of the Civil War—a voluntary exile that American history has more or less erased. Their scattered diaspora has gathered annually for the past 25 years. The party they throw, which receives funding from the local government, is the family reunion of the Confederados, one of the last remaining enclaves of the children of the unreconstructed South.

Brazilians filed past a Rebel-flag banner emblazoned with the Southern maxim: heritage, not hate. They lined up at a booth where they traded Brazilian reals for the festa's legal tender, printout Confederate $1 bills. (The exchange rate was 1:1—the Southern economy had apparently survived.) Kids flocked to the trampoline and moon bounce. Old-timers staked out shade beneath white tents. Early on, the line for fried chicken grew almost too long to brave.

Under a tent, I picked at some chicken and watched a young blond Brazilian woman maneuver an enormous Confederate-flag hoop skirt into a chair. I wondered what she made of the symbol. She introduced herself as Beatrice Stopa, a reporter for Glamour Brazil. Her grandmother, Rose May Dodson, ran the Confederado fraternity. She'd been dancing at the festa since she was a kid.

I asked if she knew there was a connection between slavery and the American South. "I've never heard that before," she said. She wasn't sure why her ancestors had left the States. "I know they came. I don't really know the reason," she said. "Is it because of racism?" She smiled, embarrassed. "Don't tell my grandmother!"

Brazil itself outlawed slavery in 1888, more than two decades after the end of the American Civil War. Despite outwardly progressive efforts since then, the country has struggled to rid itself of the institution. The government passed legislation strengthening worker protections, including a 1940 constitutional amendment prohibiting employers from submitting their workers to "conditions analogous to slavery." But as Brazil grew more desperate to modernize in the early 20th century, farm owners started coercing wage laborers with debt and holding them in bondage. In recent years, government inspectors have found Brazilians trapped in debt on charcoal farms in Goiás, Haitian workers who have died on World Cup construction sites, and Bolivian immigrants in sweatshops at the center of São Paulo.

The town the Confederates built has been caught in this dragnet. On January 22, 2013, the Brazilian Ministry of Labor orchestrated a sting in Americana, the town where many of the Confederados had settled. It found Bolivian immigrants manufacturing baby clothes under the roof and supervision of two Bolivian bosses. The prosecutors broke up the factory, and in the suit that followed, they deemed the conditions they'd found execrable enough to constitute slavery.

Of all the people I asked at the Americana festival, not a single one had heard of slavery in his town.

Almost everyone had come to the festa dressed as an American—in jeans and boots, Johnny Cash T-shirts and camouflage. Visitors haggled at a booth stocked with Southern paraphernalia: aprons, quilts, commemorative glasses, a used copy of The Autobiography of Malcolm X. An amplified voice called the crowds to pull their chairs up to the main stage—an enormous concrete slab with a flag painted across it and the words XXVI FESTA CONFEDERADA emblazoned at its top. The mayor of the nearby town Santa Bárbara d'Oeste surveyed his assembled constituents and welcomed the state representatives in attendance. "It's the first time I have the honor being here as mayor," he beamed, leaning over the microphone as descendants in homemade hoop skirts and sewn Confederate grays standing behind him hoisted flags up long, thin wooden poles. "But I've been here many times as a spectator, a fan." The banners of São Paulo, Brazil, Texas, the United States, and the Confederacy flapped languidly in the breeze. "North American immigration has helped build our region, has helped build Santa Bárbara d'Oeste, has helped build the city of Americana," he proclaimed. "That's what we celebrate today."

By and large, the thousands of Texans and Alabamans and Georgians who sailed to Cuba and Mexico and Brazil failed. They folded into cities and set up doomed plantations on rain-forest plots. By 1918, they'd dwindled enough to merit ethnographic study, and the American Geographical Society dispatched researchers to learn their ways.

But not Americana. Led by an Alabaman colonel, its settlers introduced cotton and turned the town into an industrial textile powerhouse. For generations their children spoke English with a drawl. Today the city of 200,000 boasts Latin America's largest cowboy-rodeo arena. The festa brings it great pride.

Men dressed as soldiers led the crowd in the Brazilian national anthem; one trumpeted an off-key "Taps." In the States this kind of gathering usually culminates in a battle reenactment, but the Confederados offered tamer fare, mostly dance performances headlined by a long-bearded local celebrity known as Johnny Voxx, whose black hat, sunglasses, black-leather-trimmed jeans, and black cowboy boots made him look like the hero of a spaghetti western.

"This is nearly perfect... This is what we want. I don't attach anything political. I like black people." – Philip Logan

Passing me a business card, Voxx said he'd googled a bit before he booked the Confederado gig. "I started studying just to know if the people here were racist or not," he said. "But like they say, 'Heritage, not hate.' I wouldn't be here if it was a party to celebrate racism." He stumbled through the English—what little he knows he learned from music and watching Bonanza—and I wondered what his interpretation of country music could possibly sound like. But when he belted out "Cotton Fields," the crowd doubled. His intonation was perfect—the man sounded like Hank Williams.

I couldn't help bringing up the historical contradictions over and over—to Voxx, to descendants, to a group of local men who ran a weekly country-western movie club. But nobody seemed as uncomfortable as I was. "Our prejudice is very small compared with other people's," Pedro Artur Caseiro, a member of the movie club, told me. I asked what he loved about westerns, and he smiled dreamily, his chest puffed in affected military decorum, his hand on his wooden sword. "Good always trumps evil," he said. "Today what's missing, it seems like people don't believe in goodness."

Real Southerners—Confederate enthusiasts—had made the pilgrimage too. Ambling through the yard in his uniform, Philip Logan, a tall and portly Civil War reenactor from Centreville, Virginia, inspected the headstones: Ferguson, Cullen, Pyles. Born: Texas. Died: Brazil.

Accompanied by his girlfriend, a Brazilian woman with a bonnet and parasol whom he'd met online, Logan exhaled. "This is nearly perfect," he said. "This is what we want. I don't attach anything political. I like black people." As an active member of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, he reckoned constantly with what he considered exploitations of his heritage. "There's just so much animosity," he said. "Here it's like, seeing the Confederate flag, nobody cares. If I waved a Russian flag nobody would care."

At the entrance to the festa, two muscled bodyguards patted the attendees down, checking their arms and necks against four Xeroxed sheets of paper that outlined in Portuguese 42 white-supremacist symbols—the SS, the Iron Cross, the swastika, KKK. They'd been instructed to eject anyone with these markings from the party. It had been a problem in years prior.

As the party wound down and attendees made their way back to the fields where their cars were parked, I asked Érico Padilha, a non-descendant local, what he thought of the Confederate-slave connection. "I really don't like this idea, celebrating something about the South, because of slavery. I really don't like it," he said. "But here this party is not about politics, I think. It's about the culture."

The Confederados decamped for Brazil for a number of reasons—their children still bicker over why. Brazil had been trying for years to match North American and European agricultural development, and Emperor Dom Pedro II saw in these disaffected Southerners an opportunity to import American prosperity. He set up informational agencies across the South and offered subsidized passage to any American willing to emigrate. Newspaper ads for chartered ships appeared nearly every day, as did editorials mocking the plan, and Confederates jumped at the offer of cheap land on which to build new plantations, fantasizing about restoring the economy they'd watched crumble in the States. This would be possible because Brazil would allow them to keep their slaves.

Although Brazil outlawed the slave trade in the mid 1800s, it dragged its feet in banning slavery outright. Southerners wouldn't have been able to produce competitive cotton without it, and both the Confederates and Dom Pedro knew it. Even before the Civil War, Southerners had held conferences on moving slavery to the country. Once they emigrated, prominent Confederate officers scrambled to buy operational fazendas already staffed with slaves. Cotton and tobacco didn't grow well in Brazil's soil, but established crops like coffee, orange, and sugarcane certainly did.

Brazil's race relations shocked Confederate sensibilities enough to send many émigrés back to the United States. "The black, who some admit will one day be our equal here, will already be found occupying the foremost and most honorable walks in society," one prospector wrote of Brazil in the Galveston Tri-Weekly News after scouting the country for plots. He added, "Although the white fears he will someday cast his ballot in the same box with him here, he will find him not only voting there, but making laws—laws to govern whites who go there."

"So pronounced was their distaste," writes descendant Eugene Harter in The Lost Colony of the Confederacy, "that in 1888, when a senator opposed to slavery was assassinated on the eve of Brazil's emancipation, the Confederados were first suspected." The public, however, felt differently. Lore holds that crowds gathered to celebrate outside Princess Isabel's palace as she signed abolition into law more than two decades after the American Civil War had ended.

"We never had a war in Brazil about slavery," João Leopoldo Padoveze, a Confederado whose ancestors were once slaves, told me. Like many, he asserted that the abolition of slavery was peaceful because Brazil never had a problem with racism. The concept that Brazil is a "racial democracy" has shaped the country's cultural identity for decades as a point of national pride. The Brazilian sociologist Gilberto Freyre coined the term after he witnessed a man being lynched when he was a student in the Jim Crow South. Horrified, he came home with a newfound appreciation for his country as a place where ethnicities mixed freely, which he argued was evidence that in Brazil racism did not exist.

But even as Brazil wrote racism out of its history, slavery continued. Landowners, including Confederados with fazendas, hired wage laborers in place of their slaves. In turn, these laborers—impoverished farmworkers—have been replaced by a workforce that includes the tens of thousands of slaves, many of them immigrants, who live in Brazil today.

It wasn't until the 1970s that rural activists set up rescue centers for escaped workers and started to collect the stories in an effort to eradicate the practice. They presented their findings—evidence of thousands of Brazilian workers whose abuse and bondage the state had systematically tolerated—to the International Labour Organization, and in 1995 the ILO declared Brazil in contempt of its own constitution.

The shaming moved President Fernando Cardoso to make a now famous radio address that summer. "In 1888, Princess Isabel signed the famous Golden Law, which should have ended slave labor in this country," he said. "I say 'should' because, unfortunately, it hasn't stopped." Brazil would establish a task force to find and punish slavery across all industries. In the two intervening decades the government has taken multinational companies like Zara to task and freed 47,000 workers legally defined as "slaves."

Brazil's "secret inspection operations," as one ILO brochure dubs them, are some of the world's most rigorous. The country has publicly acknowledged and committed to reforming its abuses of labor on a scale few others have. This June, for example, activists won a 15-year battle to pass a constitutional amendment allowing the state to expropriate the land of businesses and farms found using slavery—an unthinkable penalty in the US.


Beatrice Stopa, a Confederado descendant and reporter for Glamour Brazil

In a drab office in Campinas, labor inspector Joao Baptista Amancio slid a stack of files on the Americana slavery case across a table. The sting had ended in a great, and rare, success. Amancio's office had followed the case to the top of the supply chain and levied $95,000 in fines on Lojas Americanas, the national brand that was selling the clothes. Though Brazil's antislavery operations are some of the world's finest, successfully prosecuting a case is slow and arduous. Conditions need to be egregious.

Amancio, a soft-spoken bureaucrat in Reeboks and khakis, raided the factory along with another inspector, four federal police officers, a prosecutor, and a judge. They were following up on a 2011 case in which they'd found six undocumented Bolivians making clothes in a home factory but had elected not to prosecute the work as slavery. They wanted to make sure that the sweatshop had stayed closed.

Instead they found five Bolivians making baby clothes in a broken-down shed with cracked walls, water damage, and a moldy ceiling caving in. Four young women shared a grimy concrete cell, sleeping on makeshift bunks, their clothes strewn across their beds and on the floor. They had no furniture to speak of; they couldn't close their doors. Amancio said they worked 12-hour days, six days a week, churning out fabric on faulty sewing machines. They were paid, but irregularly and based only on how much they produced.

Two of the workers fled when the Ministry of Labor descended. Amancio's office never found them—he suspects they'd run to São Paulo. Flight is not uncommon, Amancio told me. Factory overseers trap workers in abusive conditions by convincing them that the Brazilian authorities will deport them for working illegally, even though Brazil accepts Bolivian migrant workers as a part of a free-trade agreement.

"They fear being caught by authorities," Amancio said. "That's what holds them. They only trust the employer, the guy exploiting them. He exploits that fear." The three who stayed in the Americana factory all listed Gabriel Miffia Alanes, their overseer, as their emergency contact for the ministry.

The workers hardly spoke. They hunched over their machines, feet exposed, looked at the ground, and avoided questions. So the ministry used its discretion, picked up on subtler things. Workers glanced at Alanes for visual cues, regarded him with what the ministry called "reverential terror." But the clincher was the door. When the authorities asked the workers to show them the keys they used to get in and out of the factory, none could produce one. The door locked from within, and the ministry said this showed that Alanes kept his employees trapped inside.


A hillside near Americana

The case in Americana is somewhat typical of Brazil. It matched the story of another Bolivian immigrant I met one night outside a Peruvian restaurant near a strip called Cracolândia,* a drug-plagued strip in São Paulo. Edwin Quenta Santos worked there as a server—the first real job he'd had since escaping his violent cousin's factory in Guarulhos, not far from the São Paulo airport. He lived in a rat-infested, windowless concrete changing room near the restaurant and slept in a child's plastic race-car bed. He still wasn't working legally, and made minimum wage, though he consistently worked a few hours past the supposed end of his shift. "We could say it's still a little bit like slavery," he said, letting out a laugh.

Edwin called his story his "testimony"—he'd never spoken to the police, never told his children or his wife what he'd endured. He'd moved on and tried to forget, but then he'd heard rumors that his cousin Severo Oyardo Santos was running a sweatshop once again. He wanted people back home to fully understand what Severo had done.

In 2009, Severo visited Edwin in La Paz, Bolivia. Severo had lived in São Paulo for about ten years, and Edwin was shocked at how well he seemed to be doing. He bragged that he owned a factory that was expanding, and he was looking for more help. He told Edwin that he could triple his income if he moved to Brazil to work. Edwin said he borrowed about 500 reals ($190) from Severo for a plane ticket and an additional 500 reals to tide his family over until he could send back his first check.

"I thought, Well, if he is lending me five hundred reals just like that, it means everything is going to be OK over there," Edwin said.

When Edwin arrived in São Paulo, paid traffickers known as gatos sidled up to him as he waited with his suitcase for his cousin. Gatos prey on Bolivians who arrive in the country with no connections, offering work in unlicensed clothing factories hidden in back offices or homes. This kind of work—dispersed, small-scale exploitation rather than obvious torture on farms—is booming. Last year was the first on record that Brazil busted more urban slavery rings than rural ones. "They offered to pay for my hotel, said they had rooms available for work. They kept offering," Edwin said. "Then my cousin arrived."

Severo drove Edwin to his compound near the airport and introduced him to the 20 or so extended family members already working there. They threw a little welcome party in the cramped kitchen. The concrete house was three stories high, and it had no front door—just a gated carport with a padlock, whose key Severo kept hidden. Severo parked his car on the street, reserving the carport instead as a home for his guard dogs. If Edwin wanted to leave outside of the one trip a week his cousin allowed, he'd have to scale the back wall and make sure to be back before he was caught. He knew the kind of punishment his cousin could inflict—he recalled watching him beat his children. "He's bigger than me," Edwin said.

The workers followed a strict schedule, rising at five and working till midnight, sometimes stopping only for a 15-minute lunch. They drank water from a well covered in algae. They slept six to a room on the compound's top floor or else in the sewing factory itself, pushing their machines aside at night and sliding in thin mattresses. Edwin didn't know how to make clothes, so he started out cooking and cleaning as his family members sewed.

According to Edwin, when he asked his cousin for money, he screamed that it was Edwin who owed him money. They'd talk wages only once he put a dent in his debt for the plane ticket and loan. Severo was evasive and would lie to family members who wanted to settle their accounts, refusing to pay them in full. In Edwin's time at the factory, the only worker who managed to persuade Severo to give him the money he was due was a cousin with papers who had threatened to report his boss to the federal police if he didn't pay up and let him go.

The workers followed a strict schedule, rising at five and working till midnight, sometimes stopping only for a 15-minute lunch.

Edwin struggled to learn to sew. He fumbled with the machines, ruining fabric. It took him a month to make what his cousins could make in four days. A businessman who contracted with Severo would show up at the house and demand faster production. "If my cousin said he couldn't do it, he would say, 'That's your problem, you have to deliver tomorrow,'" Edwin told me. On those nights, he and the others often did not sleep.

His family in Bolivia begged him to send money. Eventually they moved to a cheap rental house, and his wife took their children out of private school. Edwin lied when his son and daughter asked how he was doing; he felt too ashamed to admit the situation. "Imagine that I came from Bolivia with a good plan in order to overcome the low lifestyle of my family," Edwin explained. "Imagine how my children would have reacted, or my wife, or my parents. That's why I contained myself. I felt incapable of doing anything."

It grew increasingly obvious that Severo had no intention of compensating anyone fairly, and they all slowly stopped working. A cousin or a nephew would say he wanted to leave, and Severo would tell them to pack their bags. He'd load them into his car and drop them off penniless at the bus station in Guarulhos. Edwin didn't know where each had gone. He waited, still in debt and without connections in Brazil, as work in the factory slowed and then came to a halt. Eventually, only he and Severo's children remained. Then one evening he found his bags packed and out on the curb. Edwin slept in the locker room at a soccer field for three days, collecting himself before he headed into São Paulo to look for work. He ultimately made his way to the Peruvian restaurant near Cracolândia.

The afternoon after I met Edwin, I drove to Severo's compound in Guarulhos and waited for his car to pull up. A stout man with a puggish face slammed the door and waddled toward the gated carport.

"Who's judging me?" he demanded when asked if he'd been running a factory. "I have to know." There was no factory inside, he said, just his children, home from school, and a cousin or two visiting. He showed me his home. On the second floor there was an empty, white-tiled room filled with gleaming sewing machines. A heap of felt filled a bin in the corner. Nobody was working, but the machines were spooled.

"It's all lies made up by jealous people, good-for-nothings," Severo said.

I asked why there were so many machines inside if he wasn't running a factory. There'd been one in the past, he confessed. But he'd closed it.

"Seamstresses only want to work little and earn lots, and that can't be, you know?" he said. "So better to end that."


Severo Oyardo Santos's compound in Guarulhos, Brazil, where Edwin Quenta Santos was held in slave-like conditions

The morning after the Confederado festa, I drove the 30 miles from the old Southern graveyard to the address the ministry's records listed as the sweatshop run by Gabriel Miffia Alanes and Eusebia Villalobos Tarqui, the Bolivian couple who'd been caught with slaves in Americana. The GPS led to a bulldozed lot, the plywood and steel skeleton of a house built atop it. On the corner I saw a shoddy two-room building, its yellow-brown walls the same color as the dirt. I wondered, as I walked out to a man in a bucket hat and work boots, if that shack had been the factory.

The man squinted at me as I asked him what he was doing. Puzzled, he said he was at work building a bank. He hadn't heard that there had been a factory here, but there were some Bolivians currently living in the house right across the street. He didn't know anything about them—who they were, if they worked—but they only ever left in the morning and at night. They walked by with their heads down and never said hello.

It took a few minutes of knocking on the house's rust-red-painted metal door for a man with black hair and sallow cheeks to stick his head out. His forearm, stuffed into the pocket of his shorts, bore a scorpion. Behind him baby clothes hung on a clothesline against a concrete wall.

I asked him if there had been a factory in his house. "Yes," he said. "But it's been closed for a while." The ministry had come around months ago. "There were no problems," he said. "Everyone had their papers."

When I asked if he'd heard about slavery across the street, he bristled. "It's not slavery," he said. "When I first came from Bolivia, I worked from seven till midnight. I wanted to work those hours. The owner never forced me. If I worked like a Brazilian, from seven till five, I wouldn't make enough money."

Grasping, I brought up Alanes, the Bolivian neighbor caught with slaves in his factory the year prior. Did he know him? He hesitated, and then he said, "That's me."

Of course. The address I'd gone looking for—the one in the ministry's files—led to the house where Alanes and his family slept. This was their workplace, the factory across the street, where he'd allegedly kept his workers locked inside. A year after the ministry raided Alanes's sweatshop, freed his workers, and successfully linked the case to a national chain, the sweatshop still stood, and Alanes was still inside it.

He disappeared into the house, but soon after, a woman wearing a scrunchie came to the door—Tarqui, his wife. She laid out the situation: The only people working in the factory these days were herself and her husband. They made shorts for a São Paulo private school, but if they showed the logo, they'd lose the business, which they couldn't afford. That understood, she opened the gate and motioned for me to follow.

A year after the ministry raided Alanes's sweatshop, freed his workers, and successfully linked the case to a national chain, the sweatshop still stood, and Alanes was still inside it.

A concrete walkway led past small cinder-block dwellings to an enormous tin-roofed pavilion propped up by plywood poles at the back of the lot. Fabric, plastic wrapping, and cardboard boxes covered the floor. Two faded laminate posters—one with an old lineup for Palmeiras, a São Paulo soccer club, another with an aerial mountain shot of La Paz—were tacked onto the water-stained walls. Light fixtures dangled from the ceiling. Part of the roof had collapsed and showed the sky. A dozen yellowed sewing machines rested on card tables.

Tarqui turned toward me in the room's corner, picked up a pair of red nylon school athletic shorts, and folded her arms. She said the school paid 90 centavos—about 35 cents—per pair and she and her husband churned out about 2,000 per week. In exchange, her children attended the school. She insisted that her children never worked. (Amancio, the labor inspector, said he suspected otherwise.)

To hear Tarqui tell it, she fell into managing a sweatshop by accident. In 2001, she moved to Brazil at the invitation of a Bolivian she knew who'd married a Brazilian man and needed a nanny. She boarded a bus and braved the two-day ride to São Paulo. She eventually left the nanny job to work in a factory; after a while, she and her husband opened their own. They'd pick up contracts, have a week to make 1,000 pairs of shorts. Unable to do the job themselves, they'd go meet Bolivians in the town square. They hired one, then another, and by 2011 the Ministry of Labor was knocking on their door.

"Here I feel a little lost," Alanes told me. "Tired too."

The ministry ordered HippyChick Moda Infantil, the company that sold Alanes and Tarqui's clothes to Lojas Americanas, to pay both the workers and the factory owners severance and "moral damages." It took five days or so for HippyChick to pay the workers. After that, they boarded buses and left for good. Alanes had no idea where they'd gone. It's this absence, more than anything, that marks Brazil's record of the case in Americana, and of its slavery operations writ large. The workers gave no testimony and left no trace.

As for the lock and key: At first, Alanes said the ministry was lying. Later, on the phone, Tarqui admitted that they'd kept the door locked, but insisted that workers had access to a key. She said that they'd been robbed before. In November of last year, Brazil's federal judiciary opened a criminal case against Alanes for keeping workers in conditions analogous to slavery, a crime punishable by up to eight years in prison.


Gabriel Miffia Alanes continues to operate a home factory even after being convicted in 2013 of using slave labor.

Daniel Carr de Muzio, the de facto Confederado genealogist, swung open the heavy wooden door to his house in a gated ten-year-old development called Jardim Buru in the São Paulo countryside. A pickup truck with a Confederate flag sat in the driveway. De Muzio grew up in Brazil steeped in his family's Confederate heritage. His grandmother referred to Abraham Lincoln as "that man" until the day she died, and his grandfather threw away his baseball cards depicting black players. In adulthood, de Muzio remained devoted to his American roots, making his money by translating English to Portuguese and speaking with a Southern drawl.

Inside de Muzio's house, a sunken den with chandeliers gave way to floor-to-ceiling windows looking out over a backyard filled with eucalyptus trees and subtropical varieties of lemon. On a credenza next to a glass tray of alcohol sat three miniature flags: Brazil's, the United States', and the Confederacy's. Walking through the house in madras shorts and a T-shirt, de Muzio showed off his collection of family and Confederado memorabilia—books and papers and crinkled old photos. A stained copy of Facts the Historians Leave Out: A Youth's Confederate Primer rested near his computer alongside a book called Lost White Tribes, in which de Muzio is featured.

Sitting in his back-porch rocking chair, looking over his verdant yard, he tried to disabuse me of the notion that the Confederados came to Brazil to keep practicing slavery. Slaves had nowhere to go after the Civil War, he told me. Brazil looked like a great option. "I'm sure they came voluntarily," he said. "These people, you know, they were raised by their masters—and they knew very little of how to get along by themselves on their own. They probably were very afraid of being alone."

For the Confederados, the legacy of the South is all innocence, no reckoning.

When I asked de Muzio if he'd heard of contemporary slavery in Brazil, he told me that he had—Haitians on construction sites, Bolivians in factories. His brow furrowed as he threw eucalyptus charcoal on the stove. "Now, that hasn't got a thing to do with us," he said.

Today, the Confederados are, for the most part, light-skinned upper-middle-class Brazilians, the legacy of the few Southerners who succeeded in preserving a simulacrum of their crumbling plantations. They celebrate a mythology that hardly contends with the past and keeps itself blind even to the present.

At the festa, I had met Cindy Gião, who was a visitor, not a descendant. She said she knew next to nothing about the Confederacy. She'd come on the invitation of her father's friend, Robert Lee Ferguson. Gião guessed she was Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, and maybe Dutch in heritage. But she couldn't say for sure, and neither could most of her friends. No one knew, she said, "because it's so mixed." That's what so many Brazilians envy in the Confederados—a connection to one's past.

For the Confederados, the legacy of the South is all innocence, no reckoning. Their Confederacy is a collection of sounds and words and images: a Johnny Cash song, a western, a flag. White Southern bitterness has melted into kitsch—or else denial, oblivion. These are the blindnesses that render slavery invisible today.

"Brazilians are not very into our history," Gião said. "We learn it in school, but we don't have parties to celebrate what our ancestors did for us." Then she turned toward the stage to listen to a rendition of "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess and watch as a man hoisted the Brazilian flag up alongside the Stars and Bars.

Cartels are Poaching Toothfish from Antarctic Waters

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Toothfish are one of the most lucrative catches for Australian fishermen. They've got a high oil content which gives them a rich flavour, they're full of omega-3 fatty acids, and they're nearly impossible to overcook. The fish are so valuable that in the mid 1990s, illegal toothfish hauls hit a completely unsustainable 100,000 tons a year.

[body_image width='1200' height='800' path='images/content-images/2015/02/05/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/05/' filename='high-tech-pirates-are-fishing-australias-disputed-oceans-body-image-1423094884.jpg' id='24560']

A Sea Shepherd boat navigates through an ice floe

These numbers have since fallen due to better policing, but a black market trade continues. Some poachers have recently taken to remote Antarctic waters 2,000 nautical miles south of Tasmania in order to find the fish. Average summer temperatures there hover around zero, so these boats are relatively high-tech, despite their use of outdated and controversial fishing techniques such as gill netting. Two boats, the Yongding and Kunlun, were both found this week in Australian waters by the conservation group Sea Shepherd.

Both ships are alleged by Sea Shepherd to be connected to the Spanish fishing syndicate Vidal Armadores, which is behind more than 40 cases of illegal fishing globally. They even have a history with suspiciously obtained toothfish. In 2003, one of the syndicate's ships was chased by Australian authorities for 21 days before they were brought to Australia for trial. The suspects were ultimately acquitted as nobody could prove whether their load of toothfish was caught in Australian waters.

[body_image width='1200' height='800' path='images/content-images/2015/02/05/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/05/' filename='high-tech-pirates-are-fishing-australias-disputed-oceans-body-image-1423094912.jpg' id='24561']Black-listed by several organizations for indiscriminate fishing practices, the vessel Thunder was spotted near Antarctica in December

Last month the New Zealand Navy pursued both boats but failed to board and apprehend them. Instead the cartel headed for Australian waters to deploy their nets just 50 nautical miles from Australia's Mawson base in Antarctica.

Dr. Julia Jabour, a specialist in Antarctic policy at the University of Tasmania told VICE that one of the reasons Australia hasn't aggressively pursued these poachers lately is due to the ambiguity of Antarctic territorial claims. "Australia considers these Australian waters," she explained. "But to any other country outside the Antarctic Treaty those borders are completely arbitrary."

[body_image width='1200' height='800' path='images/content-images/2015/02/05/' crop='images/content-images-crops/2015/02/05/' filename='high-tech-pirates-are-fishing-australias-disputed-oceans-body-image-1423094942.jpg' id='24562']

The poaching vessel Yongding was intercepted on Monday

Two days ago Sea Shepherd's ship Sam Simon took it upon itself to intercept the poaching vessels. The captain of the Sam Simon, Sid Chakravarty, spoke to VICE via satellite phone. "I can only think it is a lack of will from the government to continue to patrol these waters," he said. "This is Australia's economic zone and Australia has the right to the marine life and resources in these waters. Therefore they have the responsibility to patrol and ensure these waters are kept safe. I would just say it is a complete lack of commitment by the Australian government."

Dr. Jabour believes Sea Shepherd knows Australia can't act in the Southern Ocean but ignored the fact to attract media attention. "Sea Shepherd tells us that it's Australia's responsibility, but they only say that to get media attention," she said. "They know it's more of a story if they claim negligence by the government." She added that the Antarctica treaty of 1959 prohibits any military action: "You can't start a war with illegal fishing boats or Japanese whalers or even Sea Shepherd, even if you wanted to."

While toothfish stocks in South America have been ravaged by overfishing, populations in the Australian Antarctic have been deemed stable. A public nomination to list the species as endangered was rejected by the Australian Threatened Species Scientific Committee, which found numbers were sustainable. The committed did not that "illegal, unreported and unregulated fishing has been considered as the greatest threat to the long-term sustainability of toothfish."

Sea Shepherd will remain in the area with their two ships, the Bob Barker and Sam Simon.

Follow Charlie on Twitter.

Swansea Is a Paradise

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As a Swansea nightclub photographer, I get dry-humped, yanked, and generally accosted on a very regular basis. Alcohol always plays a large part in the process, of course, but that's not really what these photos are about. Yes, people are getting fucked up, but they're also there to find a fleeting moment of euphoria, to elevate their souls from the drudgery of the day-to-day, if only for the duration of a Nicki Minaj remix.

It's also fair to assume—because of the whole inhaling-hazardous-amounts-of-alcohol thing—that many will not fully recall that euphoria the morning after. These photographs seek to remedy that.

For a city with not a lot of palm trees or coconut cocktails, Swansea really can be a paradise—you just have to know how to make it so.

See more of Fred's work here

Does your town or city qualify for paradise status? Send your pitches to photoeditor@vice.com Don't be shy.

Previous Paradises:

Brooklyn / Vama Veche / Plymouth / Vienna / Honolulu / Katowice / Warsaw / Aberdeen / Belfast/ Glasgow / Chicago / Detroit / London / Lahti / Budapest / Leeds / Dublin / Birmingham / Miami / Phoenix / Tbilisi / Los Angeles / Berlin / Rotterdam / Bristol

Against Modern Football: The Controversial Movement to Reclaim a Sport from Capitalism Gone Mad

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Against Modern Football: The Controversial Movement to Reclaim a Sport from Capitalism Gone Mad
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