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Brayden Olson Melted in the Catskills

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I went to Andy Animal's Meltdown Funabration Weekender in the Catskills this weekend. Happy Birthday Andy! Everyone was on mushrooms and there were topless girls riding motorcycles around in a field while I ate the best gumbo of my life. It was fucking awesome. Bands like the Black Lips, Hector's Pets, and White Mystery played before Mungo Jerry closed it out on Saturday night. I should have taken more photos of the shows, but I was tripping balls and someone kept handing me a bottle of rosé with molly in it. Sorry, Mom! 

Check out more of Brayden's life on his instagram- @braydyolson

See more of Brayden on VICE:

The Westminters Dog Show... On Acid!

Lo-Lifes Then and Now

Part Time Hunks


Big Night Out: The Gabber Night

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In the first episode of Big Night Out, Clive Martin heads north to Glasgow in search of the dark heart of the UK Gabber scene. To do this he must endure 200 BPM tunes, scores of shirtless men punching the ceiling, hockey mask-wearing hardcore fiends, and a man with a rather unusual tattoo.

One Senator Kept Child Marriage Alive in Nigeria Last Month

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Senator Ahmad Sani Yerima. Image via

Thanks to a legal loophole, the average age of marriage for girls in Kebbi State, northern Nigeria, is 11 years old. The law is often manipulated and exploited for perverse ends, but it's rare that one forgotten detail in legislation can affect an entire mass of people quite so profoundly.    

Section 29 of the Nigerian constitution allows any Nigerian of full age (18 or above) to renounce his or her citizenship. However, a subsection of that law adds that women can only be deemed of full age when they get married—a convenient loophole that's become easy to exploit by any adult man in the mood to snatch himself up a child bride.

The problem is widespread and unfortunately—after a brief glimmer of hope—isn't showing much sign of going away. On July 16, Nigeria's senate committee voted to remove the archaic subsection, thereby supporting the fight against forced marriage and pedophilia. However, after a heavy lobbying campaign, Senator Ahmad Sani Yerima—representative for Zamfara West in northern Nigeria—persuaded the Senate to reverse its decision, reenacting the subsection and making it totally OK (by law) for men well over the age of 18 to marry girls well under the age of 18.    

But being the good Samaritan that he is, Yerima, who, at the age of 49 married a 13-year-old Egyptian girl, has defended his actions. He says he's merely showing concern for the girls of his and other Islamic-governed northern Nigerian states, arguing that the deletion of the subsection would be blasphemous. In his definition of the Islamic faith, when a woman is married she instantaneously reaches her full mental capacity, no matter what her age is. Presumably this means he endorses the idea that any nine-year-old girl married under Sharia law is responsible and intelligent enough to drive a car or possess a firearm.

Unsurprisingly, a huge number of Nigerians are furious about the overthrown amendment, with many crying foul play and accusing Yerima of achieving the vote reversal through either bribery or bullying tactics. And those claims might not be unfounded. Yerima has had run-ins with Nigeria’s Economic and Financial Crimes Commission and faced several accusations of embezzlement during his career.

Financial bribes aside, Senate President David Mark has claimed that Senate members from the northern states were spiritually blackmailed. They suggested that if they didn't vote in favor of Yerima's cause, their loyalty to Islam would be questioned. And the Christian senators of Nigeria's south who stood by Yerima? It's safe to assume their excuse was a section of the constitution that states that the Nigerian government has no powers to legislate on "marriages under Islamic law and customary law including matrimonial causes."


Yerima justifying his marriage to a 13-year-old girl.

I spoke to Maryam Uwais, chairperson of the Isa Wali Empowerment Initiative, an organization trying to protect the rights of Nigeria's women and children, who told me that, "Over half of the women in the north are married off by the age of 16 and commence childbirth within the first year of marriage.”

The young girls suffer multiple health risks from child marriages, Maryam explained, the most prevalent being vesico-vaginal fistula (VVF), in which damage to the pelvis causes urine to drip continuously from the bladder into the vagina. This isn't only physically debilitating, women are often ostracized from their communities for having the condition. Most of the women affected by VVF come from the remote villages of the northern states—states that predominately lack healthcare facilities, such as Yerima’s own Zamfara. A surgeon told Nigeria’s Vanguard newspaper that VVF is common “where ignorance and poverty are prevalent” and that it affects “young teenage girls of poor social economic background and women who are delivering babies for the first time.”

Child marriages also contribute to the alarming rates of illiteracy in young girls in northern Nigeria. Based on stats presented by Central Bank Governor Lamido Sanusi in April, as many as 93 percent of female children in the region are being denied access to secondary education. In the northwest, 70 percent of women between 20 and 29 are unable to read, compared with 9.7 percent in the southwest.

Tellingly, the men engaging in these marriages are acutely aware of the need to justify their behavior, using a number of excuses to try to pacify their critics. There are two that seem to hold the most weight in their minds. The first is that husbands sign a pledge not to have sex until their wife reaches puberty—however, the high levels of child rape and child sex slavery in the region suggest that for many this is a hollow promise. Secondly, they argue that the actions of the Prophet Muhammad—a guy who was going about his business 1,400 years ago—condone their own actions.

That second point was Yerima's own argument, explaining his marriage to his 13-year-old bride, Aisha, by saying, "History tells us that Prophet Muhammad did marry a young girl as well. Therefore I have not contravened any law." However, Sheikh Abdullah al-Marie, a senior Saudi cleric, has publicly denounced Yerima's clearly flawed argument, stating that, “Aisha’s marriage cannot be equated with child marriages today because the conditions and circumstances are not the same.”

The latest research from UNICEF indicates that between 2007 and 2011 the number of Nigerian girls getting married before the age of 15 increased by 5 percent. That percentage managed to grow significantly despite the Child Rights Act (CRA) that was created in 2003, which makes 18 the age of “maturity.” This is possibly due to only 24 of the 36 states in Nigeria having passed the CRA, though UNICEF is working hard to support and monitor the implementation of the act throughout the country. Still, without the legal support they were about to get in the deletion of the subsection, it’s not going to be easy.

As depressing as the situation might seem, here's hoping the media coverage piled onto Nigeria's child-marriage policies will alert people to how serious a violation of both children's and women's rights this tradition really is.

More about Nigeria on VICE:

Nigeria Fashion Week  

Nigeria's Millionaire Preachers 

Nollywood Omen  

Itty-Bitty Kitty, Giant Spirit

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All photos by Terry Richardson

I f you’ve spent any time on the internet, you probably already know all about Lil Bub. The tiny, adorable cat—who is a “perma-kitten” thanks to several genetic abnormalities—has captured the hearts of millions through her photos and videos, which have spread across the web like a communicable disease of cuteness. She’s (yes, Bub is a little lady) also made appearances on TV shows like Good Morning America and The View and held meet and greets all over the country with her fans. 

VICE has been following this superlatively cute cat around for some time, and we’re gearing up to release Lil Bub & Friendz, a feature-length documentary that records the travels and trials of Bub and her loyal owner, Mike Bridavsky, who has cared for her through her many health problems. (Mike donates much of the money he makes from her fame to animal-rescue charities.) 

Lil Bub & Friendz won this year’s Tribeca Online Festival Best Feature Film Award and will premiere to the world at large later this summer. To prepare for the next stage of Bub’s celebrity catdom, Mike contacted Christine Agro, pet psychic to the stars, to peer inside Bub’s celestial being via Skype and give the pair some advice. 

Christine Agro: Could you say your full name three times please? 
Mike Bridavsky: Michael Gregory Bridavsky, Michael Gregory Bridavsky, Michael Gregory Bridavsky. 

And what would you like to receive from this reading? 
Whatever there is to be received; if there’s anything I need to know about Bub or the adventure we’re on.

It is quite an adventure, a whirlwind. When I look at Bub, she has a lot of light that emanates from her heart, and then she has a lot of light that comes into her. It looks like she has this connection that’s outside of what we can see and what we can understand. There’s definitely a mission there. I see information being funneled to her about being here and the role that she’s playing. It looks like she has a really big agreement with you. There’s an element of partnership. It’s very rich, it’s a very equal exchange of energy, it’s creative, it’s supportive on both sides. I’m looking at what a change and difference she makes in people’s lives, I see these ripples that go out and out and out. You know, she has this tiny stature, but what comes out of her is so large, so tremendous. In interacting with her, people feel that—it’s not that they just feel better, it’s almost like they accept themselves more after interacting with her. 

I see a big spirit coming into this little itty-bitty body, it has an element of cat sense to it, but it also has a whole other, much larger, dynamic behind it. Not that cat energy is small, but it has this big force behind it that really seems like it comes from a greater place—like she’s something that the world needed right now. There’s a purity to her. She’s curious about all of this—what is it, what are we, what are we doing, how do we do it? It’s not like she’s just here to help everybody, though. She’s got her own life purpose, lessons to learn this lifetime. 

It does look like she gets a little anxious or nervous if she’s separated from you, if she’s put into a situation and she doesn’t really understand what the purpose is or what’s happening or why, so it might be good to explain more ahead of time what the schedule’s going to be if you know she’s going to be maybe taken and put someplace, not that she’s out of your view, but just out of reach. She has a lot of tolerance.
She does, yeah. 

She does have humor. Do you have a little hat that you put on her?
No hat. 

There’s something about a little hat. It looks like—is it a sombrero? 
[Laughs] No. I mean, people often ask me to put sombreros on her… 

Yeah, it’s a little sombrero. And there’s a sense of humor about it from her, but also a really big, like, Don’t do that
I never put anything on Bub, that’s a rule for us. 

OK, that’s good, because she’s like, I don’t want the hat. Just have a sense of humor. Let me just scan through her body, is that OK?
Sure. 

I’m looking at her lungs and there’s a good deal of other people’s sadness and loss that she is pulling through her space. Some of it gets caught or hooked. So I’m just going to clear some stuff out and give her a different way of doing that if she wants to continue to do it. One thing that you might notice when she does take on too much energy is it creates a fatigue, maybe a sense of heaviness. Anybody can do the energy work that I do, so one thing you can do is close your eyes and have an image of her out in front of you and use an image of a magnet and just pull out stuff. After she does a meet and greet, it might be good to energetically clear her out.
I started studying some Reiki. At meet and greets, after the first half hour, she totally kind of falls asleep—but I can tell it’s just more than being tired, she’s like emotionally tired. And we take a break and come back in five minutes, and she’s back. 

I don’t know much about Reiki. Can you focus on areas? 
Yes. 

OK. So the lungs are a good place to focus because they hold the emotional loss and grief and sadness. There’s a little bit of anger energy in the liver… that’s definitely not hers, that doesn’t belong to her at all. How old is she now? 
She’s almost two. 

Let me just go through and clean her aura out, see what’s there. Lots of pictures are being thrown at her—I don’t see them being bad pictures, I think it’s because she’s so visible and so many people are looking at her and watching her. Has she done any work with kids with autism? 
Not directly. She has some fans who write who have Asperger’s or autism. We’re about to get her certified to be a therapy pet. 

Nice. You know, I’ve done a lot of work with kids who have Asperger’s or levels of autism, and there’s a certain energy dynamic I see when I look at them… I think that they see a quality in her that they can really connect and relate to. It looks like there’s something really powerful and big there, in terms of the work that she can do. Anything about her health that you want to check in on? 
Her health is what I’m constantly monitoring. Her organs are, I think, in good shape. But she does have muscular issues and her bones are pretty deformed and it’s hard to gauge what’s causing it—if she has a bone disease, or if some small thing is hurting her fragile body. For example, recently, she couldn’t walk and she would scream, and then her whole body got really tight and she couldn’t walk for five days. It was horrible. I found out that she had a claw growing into her paw, and the stress of that pain caused her entire muscular system to kind of collapse and tighten up. She’s recovered from that, and I did some physical therapy with her and now she’s fine. She’s walking better than she has in a while. But yeah, I wonder if her bone condition’s going to get worse or if she’s pretty much fully developed and she’s going to stay at this level. I don’t know if you can look into that, but…

Do you know anything specific about the bone condition? 
What my vet and my specialist presume is that it’s osteoporosis, which there have only been a few reported cases of in cats. They say her bones may continue to become more deformed and get larger and bulkier and at the same time, more fragile. What was said to me the first time I brought her to the specialist was that she’s deteriorating really rapidly and that within weeks she wouldn’t be able to walk anymore, which is when I started Reiki. I had no choice. She responded so well to it, and honestly, she’s doing better now than she was even six months ago. She’s almost kind of running and playing, which she hasn’t done in a while. She’s way more active, which is great and it goes completely against what the specialist was saying.

She definitely responds to energy work. I can see that any kind of heaviness in the bones, any kind of tension in her body, contracts the muscles and puts pressure on the bones. Are you doing anything else for her?
We’re trying this new thing called the Assisi loop, and it’s a new treatment. It’s this ring that gives off electromagnetic pulses. It’s basically like an anti-inflammatory that is totally safe. She goes on prednisone now and then when things get bad, but I try not to keep her on any pain meds if she doesn’t need them. 

The prednisone could be some of the energy that I was picking up in the liver. So I agree, use it when you need to, only when she needs it.
When she was tight from the pain, I could tell it really helped. But I can also tell when she doesn’t need it anymore, and then I lay off of it. 

When she was all tight did you try the Reiki?
Oh yeah. But for that, I called the healer who first started working on her. And, you know what? She came and she was like, “I don’t think this is something you should be worried about. There’s something else that I can’t put my finger on.” And I was sure—I was like, “No, this is it, this is her bone problem. It’s finally taking its toll on her.” And the healer was like, “No, I really just think this is something else.” But Bub was in horrible shape, she couldn’t walk, and I was like, I really gotta go through Bub real quick. Sure enough I saw that claw. I thought, If I could’ve caught that four days ago, it would’ve been way better. 

Not that she has to be in pain for experiences and lessons, but you know there might have been something in those four days that she was able to move or shift or come to a different way of experiencing. I try to remind myself and other people that we are always working on learning, healing, and growing, and to not be so hard on ourselves. 
It was a learning experience. And she’s better, so it’s OK. 

OK, anything else?
I think that’s it. 

Well, thank you for the opportunity to meet you and to check in with her. You already know, but she’s really something.

Look out for Lil Bub & Friendz, coming this summer from VICE. For more information about Christine Agro, visit her website at christineagro.com.

More on Lil Bub:

An Important Message from Lil Bub 

VICE Loves Bub More Than You Do  

Lil Bub & Friendz - Trailer 

Gay Geeks Unite Against Homophobia in Video Games

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Growing up gay is hard. Growing up geeky—that is, socially awkward and more comfortable around video games, movies, and other works of fiction than people—is no rose garden either. If you are both gay and nerdy, adolescence is a minefield; you may not share interests with the kids in your school’s gay-straight alliance, and you probably won’t feel comfortable calling out any casual homophobic slurs tossed out by your buddies during LAN parties or games of Magic: The Gathering. Even in adulthood, “gaymers” can feel like outsiders in the often ultra-hetero realm of video games. That’s where GaymerX, the first-ever convention for gay geek gamers, comes in.

The event, which took place last weekend at the Kabuki Hotel in San Francisco’s Japantown, aimed to create a safe place for gaymers to congregate, though you didn’t have to identify with part of the LGBTQ acronym to participate. Organizers—full disclosure: my brother, Matt Conn, runs the thing—also wanted to draw attention to the lack of queer characters in video games and to the industry’s underlying homophobia. “There’s been no advocacy for gay rights in the gaming world,” said Matt. “There are gay and lesbian film festivals and GLAAD and HRC fighting for characters on TV shows. But nothing really for the gaming industry.”


My brother Matt and another GaymerX organizer lounge around in a hotel room.

I was staying in one of the hotel suites with him and about 15 other gay nerds who blasted K-pop at all hours of the night. The convention pretty much took over the entire hotel with its panels, parties, and gaming tournaments, and a few events overflowed into the neighboring mall. Approximately 2,300 attendees showed up, and before the con opened its doors there was a line that went around the block in front of the hotel. Unsurprisingly, the queue featured an array of costumes—mostly video game characters, with an occasional brony or furry thrown in.


Homemade Pokéballs.

Most of the gaymers I spoke to that weekend felt isolated and abnormal growing up, and often the games they played didn’t help. Ben Gerzfield, a 34-year-old software engineer told me he grew up thinking that he was “the only one of [his] kind” and that he spent all his lunch periods in junior high in the library because “when I would sit down in the lunchroom everyone else would move.” When Matt came out to his best friend in high school—his partner in crime when it came to Street Fighter and Final Fantasy VII—“he pretty much kicked me out of the house. We were having a sleepover. He threatened to beat me up. I was in fear of him for a year before he finally got over it.” (Now that friend is, ironically, in the process of taking hormones to become a woman.) Jessica Vazquez, a 26-year-old lesbian who works as a journalist for the website Game Revolution, didn’t realize that she was gay until her late teens. She admitted to me that she “was in the closet by default. [Gay sexuality] was never expressed in the games that I played.”  She actually realized her sexuality after playing Fable and having romantic interactions with NPCs.

Fable’s acceptance—even embrace—of gays is the exception rather than the rule. Homosexuality rarely appears in video games, though anyone who’s ever picked up a joystick has seen plenty of scantily clad women (and some games, like the God of War and Grand Theft Auto franchises, feature actual, sometimes porny, sex scenes). One of the rare titles that includes homosexual situations is a Japanese RPG called Persona 4, which features a closeted gang member who is secretly in search of someone to take care of him. “It’s not really well-written but it’s interesting,” said Matt. “It’s at least exploring [sexuality] and you’re helping him come to realize that that’s part of who he is.” A more high-profile example of gay character is Lieutenant Steve Cortez in BioWare’s Mass Effect 3, who is a romance option when you’re playing as a male protagnoist.


You can really work up a sweat watching other people play a game.

BioWare was all over GaymerX—it’s employees were featured on four panels over the course of the weekend, including “Why We Think It Is Important to Create More LGBT-Inclusive Games” and “Romance in Games.” At the latter, David Gaider, the lead writer for Dragon Age and other RPGs, said players should be able to choose to romance whatever gender they like—but they shouldn’t have the option to remove LGBT-related content altogether. “We don’t turn off our massive amounts of violence so why would we turn off homosexual content?” he said. “There still should be gay characters that you encounter, even if you don’t intend to romance them.” BioWare is currently working on the next installment of its enormously successful Mass Effect series, which they have announced “will retain the franchise’s open-mindedness when it comes to gender options and GLBTI-inclusive stories.” Some gamers, like Jessica, are hoping for an LGBT character who occupies a protagonist role. “I really wish a company would just put a character in a game and see what happens,” she said.

The problem isn’t just that developers haven’t been especially proactive when it comes to gay characters, however—there’s also the matter of the casual, sometimes virulent homophobia in the gaming community (which is dominated by straight white men). “You hear ‘gay’ or ‘fag’ within three seconds of signing into Xbox Live. That’s just how it is,” said Jen LeGay, a 29-year-old gaymer who came to the con to work security all the way from New Hampshire. One solution for this problem suggested by GaymerX attendees was to hire more aware moderators who would shut kids down for spewing slurs.

“It’s the responsibility of these gaming companies to have moderators,” said GaymerX co-creator Kayce Brown. “[Homophobic bullying] is happening. It shouldn’t be allowed.” She added that gamers need to police themselves. “Boundaries need to be set. It’s not OK. The more we make these [bullying actions] allowable, you are allowing things to happen. It’s like a bad relationship.”

Kayce and Matt are cautiously optimistic. Kayce told me that “both EA and BioWare have promised to step in terms of moderation and making sure that they would include more gay characters.” Matt hopes that this will make the younger LGBT geeks feel less alone. “I’m doing this convention for the 14-year-old me,” he said. “I think about how much it sucks to be growing up and not feeling able to come out, not having anyone to relate to.”

More about video games and geeks:

The Toltalitarian Buddhist Who Beat Sim City

Are Visual Novels Just Porny, Boring Video Games?

Are You a Nerd?

A Colorado Town Is Holding a Special Vote on Whether to Shoot Down Drones

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A Colorado Town Is Holding a Special Vote on Whether to Shoot Down Drones

VICE News: The Chemical Valley - Part 2

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NEWS

I Left My Lungs in Aamjiwnaang

Breathing the Most Polluted Air in Canada

By Patrick McGuire


One of the many unintentionally ironic signs in the Chemical Valley.

The first thing you notice about Sarnia, Ontario, is the smell: a potent mix of gasoline, melting asphalt, and the occasional trace of rotten egg. Shortly after my arrival I already felt unpleasantly high and dizzy, like I wasn’t getting enough air. Maybe this had something to do with the bouquet of smokestacks in the southern part of town that, all day every day, belch fumes and orange flares like something out of a Blade Runner-esque dystopia.

Sarnia is home to more than 60 refineries and chemical plants that produce gasoline, synthetic rubbers, and other materials that the world’s industries require to create the commercial products we know and love. The city’s most prominent and profitable attraction is an area about the size of 100 city blocks known as the Chemical Valley, where 40 percent of Canada’s chemical industry can be found packed together like a noxious megalopolis. According to a 2011 report by the World Health Organization, Sarnia’s air is the most polluted air in Canada. There are more toxic air pollutants billowing out of smokestacks here than in all of the provinces of New Brunswick or Manitoba.

Nestled inside this giant ring of chemical production, surrounded on all sides by industrial plants, sits a First Nations reservation called Aamjiwnaang where about 850 Chippewa have lived for over 300 years. Aamjiwnaang was originally a Chippewa hunting ground, but the area was turned into a First Nations reserve in 1827, after the British government snatched up an enormous amount of Native land. Today, it’s one of the most singularly poisonous locations in North America, yet neither the local nor the national government has announced any plan to launch a health study to properly investigate the side effects that are hurting the local residents, who inhale the Chemical Valley’s emissions every time they step outside. 

In 2002, the Aamjiwnaang Environmental Committee was founded. This activist group formed in response to a plan by Suncor to build what would have been Canada’s largest ethanol plant right next to the reservation. Suncor is one of Canada’s energy giants that specializes in crude-oil processing—in April of this year, they caught some heat after spilling a chemical used to blend biofuel into a British Columbian inlet. They informed the nearby First Nations people, who live on the inlet, days later. As for their ethanol plant in Aamjiwnaang, Suncor eventually halted construction on the project in response to the Environmental Committee’s protests, and instead built a desulphurization plant next to the reserve’s burial ground. 

It wasn’t until the Evironmental Committee came together that people realized how bad things had gotten. I spoke to Wilson Plain, one of the committee’s founders, about Aamjiwnaang’s communal realization that the Chemical Valley was hurting their population. “As a community we were not really aware of what was being released from the plants,” Wilson told me. “When we started having regular meetings of the Environmental Committee, people started recalling how many incidents we had.”

The committee also began commissioning studies, like the one published in 2005 that analyzed birth rates on the reservation. A healthy community should have roughly a 1:1 birth ratio of females to males, but the study found that the Chemical Valley’s ratio had reached nearly 2:1—a statistical anomaly that had never been recorded in any human population, though it has been documented in animal populations that live in extremely polluted areas. 


A protester rallying against more industry coming to the Chemical Valley.

Another study conducted between 2004 and 2005 by the environmental activist organization Ecojustice found that 39 percent of the women in Aamjiwnaang had suffered through at least one stillbirth or miscarriage. Since then, however, there have been no inquiries by federal or local authorities to discern exactly what is causing these abnormalities, let alone any attempt to reverse them. Defenders of the petrochemical industry have brushed off these findings as irrelevant, and similarly shrug at the “anecdotal evidence” offered by Aamjiwnaang residents about the foul smells or the strange ailments that are pervasive in the community. 

Here’s an example of anecdotal evidence: In January, the Shell refinery had a “spill,” meaning they accidentally leaked toxic chemicals into the air. The leaked substance included hydrogen sulfide, a highly toxic, potentially lethal substance that was used as a chemical weapon by the British in World War I. The gas floated over to Aamjiwnaang’s daycare center, where the staff and students noticed the air began to smell strongly of rotten eggs. Almost instantly, kids got sick and many were sent to the hospital with headaches, nausea, and skin irritation. For hours, doctors wrongly diagnosed the children as having ordinary flus and colds—if Shell had owned up to the leak that exposed them to hydrogen sulfide, they would almost certainly have gotten better faster.

Christine Rogers has three young girls; one of them was attending Aamjiwnaang’s daycare at the time of the leak, while the other two were riding in a school bus directly through the affected area. “As a parent, you do everything you can to make sure that your children are safe, and when something like that happens, you feel like you’ve lost control,” she told me. “It makes me want to break down and cry when I think about that. What if it had been a bigger spill? You think you’re prepared but really you’re not. It feels helpless.”

Christine went on to explain how she handled the effects of the leak with her eldest: “I told her she needed to tell me about any of the little symptoms that she was experiencing so we could get her to the doctor to see if she’s OK. She had crusted eyes at that point and her eyes were bloodshot for three days, so I had to make sure she didn’t have any infections.”

Parenting in chemical-ridden Aamjiwnaang comes with uniqu-e challenges. While we spoke about her daughters, Christine told me they used to think the Chemical Valley’s massive smokestacks were “cloud makers.” When it came time to tell her children the truth, she came up with a rhyme: “The more clouds in the sky, the more people die.”

Since the incident in January, Shell is believed to have been responsible for two other leaks of hydrogen sulfide—one of them sent three workers to hospital and was still being investigated as of press time. Spills are a regular part of life in Aamjiwnaang. In 2008, the roof of a large tank belonging to Imperial Oil that contained benzene, a well-known carcinogen, collapsed. The entire city of Sarnia was told to stay inside with all of their doors and windows shut. 

Often, the responsibility for detecting leaks falls to community members like Ada Lockridge, an Aamjiwnaang Environmental Committee member and outspoken activist who owns an air-testing kit called a Bucket Brigade. This low-tech device consists of a plastic bucket lined with a replaceable plastic bag attached to a vacuum nozzle that protrudes out of the top of the bucket. When Ada suspects the air around her is being polluted by a leak—if it smells like gas or chemicals and tar more than usual—she sucks some of that air down through the vacuum nozzle and into the plastic bag, then sends the bag to a lab in California that for a $500 processing fee will analyze the data and send her a report within two weeks. She used this bucket to detect a hydrogen sulfide leak in April after getting a whiff of a rotten-egg odor she rated as a “ten out of ten” on her personal scale.

Ada describes discovering that leak like this: “My daughter showed up at my house to bring me coffee and a bagel and said, ‘Oh, Mom, it’s terrible out there. It smells like rotten eggs.’ So I got on the phone with the Spills Action Centre [operated by the Ontario government] and told them something was leaking… A lot of times, we’re the ones that notify the companies that they’re leaking. I went outside in my housecoat [with my Bucket Brigade] and told my youngest daughter to plug her nose and run to the school bus.”

This is just part of the heavy price Sarnians have long paid for living in a perpetual boomtown. Oil was first discovered just south of Sarnia in the mid-1800s, and since the city was ideally located—on the banks of the St. Clair River, close to Toronto, Detroit, and Chicago—the petrochemical industry set up shop here. Companies bought land from the people of Aamjiwnaang in the 1940s and 50s, back when the environmental impact of chemical industries was unknown, and in 1942 the first facility in what would become the Chemical Valley opened: a plant owned by Polymer Corporation that manufactured synthetic rubber for the war effort. During the 60s and 70s, the town prospered as the local industry exploded with growth, and the Chemical Valley became such a source of national pride that for several years the smokestack-packed skyline was featured on the back of the Canadian $10 bill. 


Vanessa Gray, a protester from Aamjiwnaang, demonstrating outside an oil-industry conference.

In the decades since we’ve learned much more about the effects these industries have on the environment, and residents find no sense of pride in being surrounded by polluters. Sandy Kinart, who lives in north Sarnia, on the other side of town from Aamjiwnaang, is a lifelong resident of the city. Her husband worked for Welland Chemical as a millwright, assembling and installing machinery for years before dying of mesothelioma, a cancer caused by asbestos exposure. In response she helped found the activist organization Victims of the Chemical Valley. Like many residents who grew up in the “golden age” of Sarnia in the 60s and 70s, she’s only lately come to realize that living near all that industry can be a curse rather than a blessing. 

“As a child, driving through Chemical Valley was part of Sunday evening,” she said. “The lights were all on, and boy, that just looked like a fairyland to us. Back in the day, those oil and chemical drums were kept pristine-looking, the gardens around the refineries and plants were beautiful, it was lovely to see. We were proud that we lived in the Chemical Valley… We don’t see that anymore. Now the flowers are dead, the trees are all dying, the drums are all grungy down there; it looks derelict. The industry doesn’t have to keep up the pretense anymore.”

I reached out to several of the petrochemical companies with plants in the Chemical Valley and, after a lot of back and forth, wound up at the desk of Dean Edwardson, general manager of the Sarnia-Lambton Environmental Association, an oil-industry-operated nonprofit. He refused to comment on specific incidents (and acted surprised when I told him about Shell’s two hydrogen-sulfide leaks). But when I pressed him on the January Shell leak that affected the daycare, he admitted that there had been a mistake somewhere along the line. “We had a communication problem,” he said. “Clearly it was unacceptable, and I think if you asked Shell, they would tell you it was unacceptable. Impacting the community is not acceptable, and they regret that incident.”

When I asked Dean how these companies handle the atmosphere of distrust that now permeates Aamjiwnaang and Sarnia due to the leaks, he replied, “I don’t think anyone’s asking anybody to trust the industry. Trust has to be earned and I think our companies are trying to earn that trust.” He also gave me an analogy that awkwardly acknowledged just how bad the situation was: “You can be a great guy, but you go murder somebody, all of a sudden, you’re a murderer.” 

Dean also pointed out that Sarnia’s air quality wasn’t helped by what he called “transboundary migration of contaminants from our friends to the south.” In other words, roughly half of Sarnia’s pollution has floated into the city from American smokestacks. Detroit lies just a few dozen miles to the south and is similarly scarred by Canadian pollution—on the banks of the Detroit River, in a poor area of town, sits a three-story-high pile of petroleum coke that stretches the length of a city block. The pile’s owner, Koch Carbon (part of the infamous megacorporation Koch Industries, run by the Koch brothers), doesn’t seem to care to do anything about it either. As a headline in the New York Times this May put it, “A Black Mound of Canadian Oil Waste Is Rising Over Detroit.” 


Chemical Valley seen from a small plane.

Just across the river from the coke pile lives Jim Brophy, a scientist and health expert who has studied pollution and human health in Sarnia and Aamjiwnaang for decades. (Jim and his wife Margaret helped discover the Aamjiwnaang birth-ratio anomaly.) I visited Jim to learn more about the problem of “cumulative effects,” which works like this: one petrochemical plant is legally allowed to produce a certain amount of Pollutant A, and another plant down the road is allowed to produce a different amount of Pollutant B—but no one knows what happens when A and B meet and combine in the air above a populated area like Aamjiwnaang. The Chemical Valley’s atmosphere is full of an unsettlingly unregulated, dangerous cocktail of poisons.

“The levels of toxic exposure we have in Ontario is not safe by any stretch of the imagination,” Jim said. “The most at-risk communities are First Nations on the fence lines, the blue-collar workers in those plants, the poor working class who live in south Sarnia… It’s not the CEOs.”

The mayor of Sarnia, Mike Bradley, seems sympathetic to the concerns of some environmentalists, though he also has a politician’s habit of hedging everything he says. “You’re never going to win by advocating for the oil industry in the realm of public opinion,” he said. “The reality is you cannot function in your daily life without the plastic, chemical, and petrochemical sector.” 

The mayor did express some support for conducting a study on the people most affected by the Chemical Valley’s emissions; however, he said that there isn’t enough government funding in place to support the research needed for the study. For at least the time being, the long-term effects of living under the chemical haze of Sarnia will continue to be unknown. 

Jim thinks that the blame for this can be laid at the feet of politically influential oil companies. “In countries where petrochemical industry has substantial power, there’s a real deficit of democracy,” he said. “We live in a situation now in Canada where the oil industry has tremendous power. Some would say they literally have a lock on the federal government. So when you’re in a community like Sarnia, where they have tremendous clout, and there’s fear of plant closures and downsizing and so forth, the Department of the Environment doesn’t act as a counterweight to that industry. It falls then to the Ada Lockridges of the world to stand up to this… Where the hell is the federal government? Where the hell is the provincial government? What are we doing here? Have all the protections and the democratic rights of our society collapsed?”

Right now the task of pushing back against pollution falls to smaller organizations like Sandy Kinart’s Victims of the Chemical Valley, and they can only do so much. In 2003, the group helped erect a monument to those who died from working in the refineries and factories in beautiful waterfront Centennial Park. It was nice while it lasted, but this spring, much of the park was closed after an excessive amount of asbestos was found in the soil. When I visited, I couldn’t get in and there was no official signage explaining why the park was shuttered. 

Wandering around the exterior of the park, I found two sticky notes that had been left on the chain-link fence that blocked the entrance. On them, an anonymous Sarnian had distilled the situation quite simply in cursive handwriting: “This is a memorial for those who died and suffered because of the Chemical Valley. It’s behind a fence because the government found out that this park is also polluted by toxic chemicals.”

More from the Hot Box Issue:

It’s Good to Be the King

The Ghost Rapes of Bolivia

It Don’t Gitmo Better Than This

My Time with One of Somaliland’s Khat Kingpins

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The author, sitting with the owner of the Gargaar company.

At around 9 PM in Hargeisa, Somaliland, a man shuffles in through the side door of the Gargaar company headquarters carrying a lumpy burlap sack half his size. He upends his load in the center of the 300-square-foot room serving as a hybrid office-warehouse-salesroom—the totality of Gargaar HQ—and giant wads of twigs and waxy, pointed leaves falls onto the floor. The leafy greens are khat, the ubiquitous but culturally and physiologically ambiguous weak narcotic (like an amphetamine, but reputed to act like a downer for some and a psychotic for a select few) common in the Horn of Africa and South Arabia. This tiny bushel is the sole commodity in the warehouse and the sole focus of the half dozen employees in the room.

They descend on the khat with an urgency and efficiency unusual in Hargeisa. Speed is everything in the Somaliland khat scene, since the leaves lose their potency within 48 hours (although Somalis leave the leaves on the stem, unlike in Yemen, in the hopes of prolonging the potency). That short shelf-life has become especially relevant since former Somali dictator Siad Barre’s destruction of local khat farms, which pushed sellers to depend on growers 160 miles away in Harar, Ethiopia. Hassan, the owner of six-month-old Gargaar who sits beside me on a flattened cardboard box, the only furniture in the room, sighs with relief—the latest shipment has come just as HQ’s vendor was running low on product during the after-dinner rush hour. 


The retail khat stand located in the Gargaar warehouse.

I walk over to the front of the warehouse, where half of the plaster wall has been knocked out and a waist-high, one-man stall of wooden planks much like the stand-alone stalls all over Hargeisa, pokes out onto the street. The vendor, too busy passing wads of cash between customers and the money changer perched beside him, doesn’t even notice me as I peek over his shoulder at about 20 bunches of khat half covered by a sheet. Gargaar sells jebis, a midrange khat that goes for $5 per one-fourth kilo bunch (low grade retails for $1.2 and high grade for $10-plus per one-fourth kilo). It used to go for $7-plus when his former employer of 18 years, the Gafane company, held a monopoly. I lean beside the money changer and try to help keep track of the bunches going in and out of the stall and how many people take theirs on credit—mainly because no one has the time of day to stop and talk to me, unlike most other businesspeople in Somaliland—but I can’t keep up and eventually retreat to the back to grill Hassan about his burgeoning enterprise.


Mmmmm, khat.

Hassan’s young empire includes eight storefronts in four cities, five import vehicles making constant shipments, and 65 full-time employees. Hassan alone imports 300 kilos of khat daily. But Gargaar, Gafane, and all the other mass importers are just drops in a bucket—Hassan estimates that 10,000 kilos of mid-grade khat are imported daily, and perhaps 50,000-plus of all grades combined. The number of small, individual-run stalls in Hargeisa alone is beyond count.


Khat fields.

Khat is a longstanding part of Somali culture, and people familiar with the plant in Yemen and Ethiopia jump to defend it as a recreational social lubricant. But it’s not so benign in Somaliland anymore. Hassan’s business is so good because khat has filled the temporal and psychological void of mass unemployment. But there is a predatory angle to this as well: historically khat has been pushed on the Somalis, like in the 1960s Ethiopian War, to get them addicted, make them lazy, and break their wallets. Now Ethiopian growers flood the market, realizing they can make more money on khat than coffee, piggybacking (consciously or unconsciously) on Somaliland’s unemployment.

This chronic unemployment and ready supply has broken down traditional limitations on khat use, which now pushes 60 to 80 percent usage among men (many are probably still limited and conscientious users, but there is a serious abuse epidemic in that soft number). The explosion in usage leads to public health crises, some as minor as tooth staining, but most major like liver damage, fiber blockages, involuntary ejaculations, and impotence. Major employers now deny jobs to khat users, leading to cycles of chronic abuse and unemployment.


Ameena's khat stand.

And then there’s the gender question. Khat’s good businesses, even for a stand-alone stall, so it attracts women with unemployed husbands or recent widows, like Ameena. A much more relaxed character than the Gargaar crew, Ameena sells just 15 kilos of khat a day, down from 25 in the past, and has just 12 regular customers, whose loyalty has been her only job security for 13 years. Over the night that I sit with her, I count just four customers, and she’s completely at peace just chatting with me about her kids rather than trying to flag down potential sales. But she still makes enough to support her family (she, like all other sellers, is cagey about the exact sums, but based on the taxes levied at the border and what the few local growers charge at their farms, she most likely earns $30 per day at least) and put all of her kids through college. Men, though, unsettled by self-assured women in positions of commerce and power, spread rumors that female vendors use sex to secure loyal customers and get khat at wholesale prices.


A khat farmer shows off his wares.

Whether for serious concerns about public health or more misogynistic fears, everyone is a bit worried about khat in Somaliland, and ashamed to be associated with it, refusing to be photographed while chewing but posing happily once the khat is gone. Even Hassan, proud to have his face associated with his product and empire, admits that his success stems from serious social and economic ills. He believes that if the country were economically functional, people would only chew on the weekend. And he’d be fine with that; it’d be better for the nation.

But khat’s entrenched here, by national economics as much as personal addiction. If Ameena supports her family on 15 kilos a day, imagine the profits Hassan reaps. And the profits the government reaps as well—Hassan guesses that the government gets up to 40 percent of its tax revenues from khat tariffs, although scholarly estimates say it’s 30 percent max. The government takes a small tax out of every stall daily, too. So anyone who takes on the epidemic abuse of khat or its social and public health effects is essentially attacking Somaliland’s economy. Not even the decidedly antikhat sheikhs will touch it.


A khat chewer relaxes at the Gargaar warehouse.

As for the socially conscious and concerned Hassan, he’s just putting his money back into khat for now, hoping to double his business within the coming months. It seems contrary to his beliefs and concerns, but it is, in the end, one of the only good ways to generate wealth for the nation and the individual. It’s a job creator and an economic stimulator. Now it’d just be nice if there were jobs to create or an economy to stimulate that wasn’t anchored in khat. 

More khat and Somaliland:

Somaliland Is a Real Country, According to Somaliland

This Is What Happens When You Try to Smuggle Two Wheelie Bins of Khat Into America

Hanging with an Ex Al-Shabaab Soldier in Somaliland


Listen to Destruction Unit's "Bumpy Road"

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Listen to Destruction Unit's "Bumpy Road"

"Two Males" Have Been Arrested in Connection with the Rehtaeh Parsons Case

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Rehtaeh Parsons. via Facebook.

It’s been just over four months since Rehtaeh Parsons took her own life after a photo—taken while she was drunk and being sexually assaulted at a house party—circulated around her high school. Almost immediately after news broke that Rehtaeh had committed suicide, the hacktivist collective Anonymous pushed its way into the story, and forced the RCMP to reopen their investigation, by insisting they knew the identities of the teenagers who had assaulted Rehtaeh. Then there was silence. In April, I questioned whether or not the Rehtaeh Parsons case would end up unresolved, and up until today, it unfortunately seemed like that would be the case.

This morning, the Nova Scotia RCMP announced they had made two arrests in connection to Rehtaeh’s case but added in their press release, “no further information is being released at this time.” This, of course, opens up all sorts of questions. Why did it take four months for the RCMP to make an arrest in connection to Rehtaeh Parsons’s death, after knowing about her sexual assault for two years leading to her suicide? Who are the “two males” that were arrested? All reports indicate there were four males in the room when Rehtaeh was assaulted, so will more charges be coming? And, lastly, what has changed since the RCMP said there were “no grounds” to press charges against the four alleged assaulters?

The RCMP’s announcement will hopefully relieve some of the unspeakable awfulness this tragedy has caused Rehtaeh’s friends and family, and it’s a positive step forward—delays aside—for similar cases that may emerge in the future. We’ve seen, especially with the Amanda Todd case, that there tends to be a missing link between Canadian law enforcement and being able to prosecute men who harass young girls online, but hopefully this arrest will mark a sea change and a recognition from the RCMP that they need to get better at dealing with sexually motivated cybercrimes. The government of Nova Scotia is currently rolling out new cyberbullying legislation that will allow victims to sue their alleged cyberbullies, which sounds ok on paper, but even Rehtaeh Parsons’s mother doubts the government actually has the technology to properly enforce it.

Likewise, Anonymous’s reaction to the news the RCMP has finally made some arrests in connection to Rehtaeh’s death is cautiously skeptical. I reached out to a member of Anonymous, who worked on the Rehtaeh Parsons operation, and got this response: “We are pleased the RCMP have finally taken action in the Rehtaeh Parsons case. It's unfortunate, however, that a young girl had to die before they chose to do so. In reality, there can be no justice for Rehtaeh, because the legal system and the school system that should have protected her failed to act in time. Anonymous will continue to support the Parsons family and monitor the actions of the RCMP.”

I expect the RCMP will disclose more information about the Rehtaeh Parsons case soon, but until then, these arrests must be cathartic news for anyone who has been pushing for justice; and hopefully this does not cause any further conflict in the Parsons’ family neighbourhood from those who have loudly defended the innocence of the accused. As Rehtaeh’s mother wrote this morning, on the ‘Angel Rehtaeh’ Facebook memorial page, “All I can say that it’s about time they were arrested and it’s now their chance to tell ‘Their side of the story.’ They complain that it’s all one-sided go ahead and speak, we are all ears!”

 

Follow Patrick on Twitter: @patrickmcguire

Previously:

Inside Anonymous's Operation to Out Rehtaeh Parsons's Rapists

Cyber Criminals Hate Brian Krebs So Much They're Sending Heroin and SWAT Teams to His Home

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The heroin delivered to Brian Krebs' home by Russian carders. 

If you have the right kind of knowledge, enough free time and a penchant for misanthropy, the internet can provide the means to make someone's life really fucking miserable. A perfect example is last week's case of internet security journalist Brian Krebs being sent a package of heroin—a fucked up incident he described in detail on his blogin an attempt to frame him for a drugs charge.

Krebs has become perhaps one of the most reviled enemies of the cyber-underworld, but I suppose that was bound to happen once he made it his life's work to expose the web's elusive cyber criminals and credit card fraudsters. Unfortunately for our digital Dick Tracy, the community he targets have a wealth of resources that they can use to mess with him in responsestuff that far surpasses posting passive-aggressive tweets or signing him up to tedious fashion PR mail-outs.  

Alleged Russian credit card fraudsteror "carder", as they're known to people who know about themMUCACC1 (AKA "Fly"), ordered a gram of heroin to be sent to Krebs' home and faked a phone call from one of his neighbours to tip off the police. But, like something out of a 2.0 Douglas Adams novel, Krebs had already infiltrated Fly's private carding community forum and found the post detailing his plan. It turned out that Fly had managed to raise £130-worth of Bitcoins from other like-minded Brian-haters to purchase the drugs from the deep-web black market Silk Road.     

And, as you might have guessed from the financial support he received, that wasn't the first run-in Brian Krebs has had with the nefarious inhabitants of the underweb; throughout his ten years of writing about internet security and fraud, he's been the target of constant harassment from various shady online communities.

His website is frequently the target of attacks that disrupt his business as an independent journalist, $20,000 (£12,900) of credit was fraudulently taken out in his name to shake him up financially and he was once a victim of SWATing, where a phoney distress call is made from your address so that a SWAT team tear up to your house and wave their guns in your facea gradually escalating pattern of harassment all inflicted on Krebs because of his chosen line of work.

I spoke to Fly, the heroin sting ringleader, in an obscure instant messaging chat room about planting drugs, ordering assassinations from the net, and why he hates Brian Krebs so much.


Brian Krebs. (Photo via)

VICE: Hi, Fly. Why did you attempt to frame Brian Krebs with a package of heroin?
Fly: You could say it was just for lulz. Besides, he pays for his lunch with the money that we carders are losing, using criminal techniques. If you want to write about crime, be honest. If you’re not honest, you will have to pay. We didn’t invite him to our forum. He became a celebrity by putting the spotlight on Russian carding. All serious carders are against the popularisation of carding. The less people, the betterwe don’t want to create new criminals. And he’s popularising it.

I see. So do you think he’s threatening your line of work?
Nothe opposite. He’s attracting new people to carding, which we are against. If you look at the stats, after his post about the heroin delivery, the number of people who want to register on the forum grew several orders of magnitude.

Okay. Can you talk about the philosophy of carding?
There’s no philosophy. People have the technical knowledge, but there’s no demand for it. And they are forced to use this knowledge to feed their families by commiting credit card fraud. In Russia, the cyber security niche is taken over by corrupt “paper” security experts who can’t do a thing, and the real specialists are staying underground and making money through criminal activity. The problem is that Brian and his friends believe that carders are earning millions. When you see a story about carders stealing a million, you have to realise that the person who actually did it got $100,000 (£65,500) tops. It might seem like a lot, but in reality very few of those kind of operations are taking placemaybe once every six months, or even less. The rest of the money is lost in the supply chain on the people who provide the "drops" and the rest of it. Krebs earns more through his blog than an average carder without having any knowledge in the security department himself.

So were you trying to get Krebs put into prison?
It was just a joke. But the jokes will continue until he stops dealing with the Russian boys. Let him deal with his own. There are plenty of criminals in the US, so why is he sticking his nose in here? Maybe the US is paying him for doing PR for Russian cybercrime?


Russian computer expert Eugene Kaspersky and Brian Krebs. (Photo via)

How far would you go to stop Krebs’ reporting into Russian carding?
Me, personallyI will stop at simple jokes. But in our field there are people he wronged quite a bit, and after this episode they could, for example, get enough money together for an assassination. It’s not too hard. In the i2p network [anonymous communication network], there are people who are doing this sort of dirty work. For $10,000 to $12,000, someone could drive over him with a pickup truck while he's walking around the city. He’s lucky Fly isn't a murderer.

And this is real? Are there any examples?
Absolutely. You can check it yourselfjust browse some Tor or i2e forums. Naturally the people who ordered it won’t go into too many details.

Okay. Are you confident your actions haven't exposed your identity?
I have thought about personal safety, but it’s not impossible to find me. At least, I’m confident there’s not a single picture of me online – not even a hint of my address. I want you to tell your readers that carding is dangerous and criminal work, that you could be given a prison term. If possible, it should be avoided. I don’t want to popularise it like Krebs.

I'll do that. Do you have a message for Brian Krebs?
Give up – we know you’re an FSB [Federal Security Service, which replaced the KGB as the principal security agency in Russia] agent. It’s not baseless; we have proof. In the picture I just sent you [the above photo of Krebs with Eugene Kaspersky], he is standing with a person you probably know. If you read up on Eugene Kaspersky, you will know he was enrolled in a KGB school. Later, he worked for the KGB. Everyone knows that there’s no such thing as ex-KGB. So what was Krebs doing with an FSB agent? Probably arranging a PR campaign for Russian cybercrime.

Alright. Is the cybergeddon coming?
Cyberwars and cybergeddon are just fairy tales that people earn money out of. And politicians use them to boost their ratings. In reality, everyone can be caught and given a slap. If you don’t believe me, ask Ilya Sachkov [founder of Group-IB, a global cyber security company]. In a recent interview, he said they can catch anyone. But there's not enough money or specialistsI don't think anybody is going to be catching anyone. I hope less people will go into carding. They should do something they feel a calling for. Being a criminal is not romantic. 

Follow Sam (@sambobclements) and Max (@maxsmolax) on Twitter.    

More dangerous stuff people have achieved through hacking:

Barnaby Jack Could Hack Your Pacemaker and Make Your Heart Explode

I Spoke to Some Immoral Hackers Who Don't Give a Shit About Your Feelings

A Bunch of Alien Lovers Held a Fake Congressional Hearing about Aliens. What Now?

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The Citizen Hearing's fundraising video for their documentary project.

Earlier this year, I wrote about how the former Defence Minister of Canada, Paul Hellyer, declared that “UFOs are as real as the airplanes flying overhead” at an event called the Citizen Hearing on Disclosure. At the time, I was so tripped up by the clip that I didn’t really get a chance to look into what the Citizen Hearing on Disclosure actually was—but since we gave you an exclusive interview with Paul Hellyer yesterday—I figured now would be a good a time as any give you the skinny on what the CHD was about.

The Citizen Hearing itself was held this past April and May at the National Press Club in Washington DC and about 40 people ended up speaking. Paul was definitely not the only person testifying who ended up saying some crazy shit. Between Captain Robert Salas’s allegation that aliens have tampered with our nuclear weapons, and journalist Linda Moulton Howe’s mention of alien androids, the various testimonies at the hearing were an endless cavalcade of mind-boggling, almost unbelievable, stuff.

To the average person, these people’s stories and theories are the stuff of 1950s science fiction films, and when I was recently given the opportunity to meet Paul Hellyer in person, I feared he would be delusional. I thought Hellyer would be just a sweet, senile old man whose 90-year old brain had gotten a little fuzzy with age and full of crazy old man thoughts. But disarmingly enough, he was not insane but rather an intelligent, very with-it man who, in my opinion, genuinely just wants to get what he believes to be the truth out. That realization was both reassuring and terrifying. It’s easy to dismiss UFOlogists as a bunch of nut bags, but when 40 individuals with credentials as impressive as Paul’s are speaking about extraterrestrials visiting Earth, it’s worth digging a little deeper.

I called up Stephen Bassett, the founder of Paradigm Research Group (the organization that put on the Citizen Hearing Disclosure) to get a better understanding of what the hell the event was about and why it happened in the first place. After a couple of minutes on the phone with him, it was obvious that his battle towards a society where our governments reveal that they have been hiding the truth about UFOs from us for decades—as he believes—is a deep calling, and it’s one that he felt the urge to follow into his late forties. “This is a time when a lot of people go to join the Peace Corps, and that’s nice,” said Stephen. “But I have bigger plans.”

In 1996, Stephen made use of his background in business development and his degree in physics to found Paradigm Research Group with the goal of confronting the US government about the whole “UFOs are being kept a secret by our political overlords” thing. The Citizen Hearing on Disclosure is part of a larger plan to checkmate the government into releasing UFO files and ending what Stephen Bassett calls the “truth embargo."

According to Stephen, the US government-led truth embargo was designed shortly after the Roswell crash in 1947, to conceal information regarding the existence of UFOs for reasons of national security. The risk of exposing such information would have been too great at the time. The Cold War was brewing, countries were arming themselves with highly destructive nuclear weapons, and civilization as we know it was on the verge of annihilation. “The Cold War and the ET phenomenon work in parallel,” affirms Stephen.


Lynn Woolsey, a former congress person, discusses the alien issue at the Citizen Hearing.

It was at about this point in the conversation where I felt like I was losing my grasp on reality, but bear with me here. The Citizen Hearing on Disclosure (which I will refer to as CHD from here on) is one of many UFO advocacy ventures. It was carefully crafted to lend credibility to an issue that a lot of people find completely nuts. The scale and scope of this event had never been accomplished by any other disclosure project before. The CHD is a true mind-fuck. It’s set up to look exactly like an official American congressional hearing—but with subject matter straight from intergalactic wackyland.

The hearing was designed with four specific targets in mind: the media, Congress, the American people, and the White House. The media is not asking the right questions—or asking any questions according to Stephen—Congress has failed to hold a hearing to discuss the UFO issue in over 50 years, the American people are misinformed, and the White House is of course pulling all the strings.

In the months leading up to the hearing, PRG had to assemble a credible lineup of witnesses who would come and testify at the mock hearing. The UFO activist group gathered 40 witnesses from around the world, including 13 researchers, and an array of government agency whistleblowers. Their task was to seriously convince a committee composed of former members of congress of the existence of aliens and their presence on Earth.

Paradigm Research Group sent out 50 invites to former members of congress, giving preference to those with experience in intelligence and science committees. The final council was composed of six members: three men and three women from a cross-section of political backgrounds—including three democrats, two republicans, and a libertarian. All of them were former American congress-people, with the exception of one, who was a senator.

So picture this. For a total of five days, a room full of high ranking, intelligent, and important grown-ups from across the globe debated a variety of UFO-related topics, going from the different species of extraterrestrials that are visiting earth to the reasons behind their presence amongst us. Some questions were left unanswered, such as the whereabouts of hybrids. Yes, human-alien hybrids! One of the core consistencies of alien abduction reports is that a great deal of genetic work is performed on abductees. Think metal implants, chips, ovary and semen extractions, etc. There also exists multiple reports explaining that visitors from outer space are creating hybrid entities, but not Stephen nor anyone else, could provide an answer as to where those creatures are. “It is one of the top five exo-political questions,” said Stephen. “Boy, I’m looking forward to finding out the answer to that.” So folks, keep an eye out for hybrids, because they might be walking amongst us!


This ex-missile commander says aliens are tampering with our nukes.

The testimonies provided by all 40 witnesses were enough to convince four of the committee members to sign a statement calling for the United Nations to sponsor “a world conference addressing the possible evidence for an extraterrestrial presence engaging this planet.” The US government has not made any comments regarding the Citizen Hearing on Disclosure, but one of the committee members, former Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey, did say she is "going to find out why we can't find out" more about the truth embargo potentially being a real thing. So that's something, I suppose.

This is probably a good time to mention that if you think it’s sort of fishy to put on a fake congressional hearing, to talk about how aliens are real, you’re not alone. The motive of the Citizen Hearing on Disclosure was obviously to raise awareness for the truth embargo issue, and the very nature of this event being setup as a staged congressional hearing lends an aesthetic of legitimacy that they didn’t exactly earn.

Critics have pointed out that the committee members received a $20,000 honorarium and all expenses paid for their participation in the hearing, but Stephen doesn’t give a fuck about the haters. “They can bitch about it, so what?” said the activist. Committee members presided over the hearing and heard over 30 hours of testimonies and had the opportunity to cross-examine the witnesses. They were also given evidence and material to review beforehand. Bassett did not ask members about their views on the UFO issue. It did not matter to him. “You’re not on a committee because you believe in something.”

The road to full disclosure is full of twists and turns and crater-sized potholes. Critics complaining about people getting paid for doing their job might be the least of Stephen’s problems. The hearing cost PRG a total of $700,000 and it was funded through a movie production deal with a baller named Thomas Clearwater, and they’re currently trying to get a documentary off the ground about the hearing itself, the truth embargo, and the death-bed confession of a man who claims to have seen a live alien at Area 51. At this point, it’s difficult to assess the impact of CHD, but at the very least it has satisfied the UFOlogy community, piqued the interest of certain skeptics, and made some viral internet waves. Even with all that, though, it’s hard to imagine the world will be taking the UFO question seriously anytime soon.

Ultimately, believing in the truth embargo and the CHD testimonies is a matter of trusting the testimonies of strangers—who could be telling what they believe to be the truth—or maybe they’re just actors who get paid to pretend they were abducted. Who knows. To be fair, a lot of being a citizen in a democratic society is about believing in what our government tells us. There seems to be a lot we don’t know about and believe me—it’s very easy to fall into the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories. Especially alien ones. But if Fox Mulder has taught me anything, it’s to trust no one. And that’s a good a motto as any when faced with the possibility that aliens live among us, and the powers that be do not want us to know.



Stephanie is an alien-human hybrid. Follow her on Twitter: @smvoyer

WATCH: Meet Paul Hellyer, the World's Highest Ranking Alien Believer

We Are Not Men: Scott Disick: American Psycho

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Desperation is mostly inseparable from masculinity. Men strain for fame, for female attention, for sad, trivial triumphs over one another. We are a people perpetually trying to figure it all out—flexing in the mirror, using lines we've heard before, trying to seem bold and dignified. We're not cowboys or poets. If we are, we wear it as a disguise. Mostly, we are vulnerable and self-conscious and probably masturbating for the third time on a Tuesday afternoon, because we're off work and that Lea Thompson scene in All the Right Moves just came on. We are not men, but almost. Note: columns may also contain William Holden hero worship and meditations on cured meats.


Image by Courtney Nicholas

We first encountered Scott Disick in 2007, four minutes into the series premiere of Keeping up with the Kardashians, a show about sunglasses, insincerity, and women exiting sport utility vehicles. He is having dinner with his girlfriend, Kourtney Kardashian, at a restaurant called Roy’s Hawaiian Fusion. Kourtney spends most of the meal trying to check her phone and applying shiny globs of lip gloss. Once or twice, she says something like “You’re so awful” or “I love this,” stone-faced, because the first rule of being a Kardashian is to never display a real human emotion, unless that emotion involves crying, because the E! Channel has determined that female tears are what America drinks to quench its thirst for People Feeling Feelings.

Scott has on a comically oversized button-down, unbuttoned to a region we’ll call Enrique Iglesias Music Video. He is wearing cufflinks just slightly smaller than manhole covers. He speaks to the waiter in a dismissive, I’ll-take-it-from-here-bro tone. The screen cuts to a plate of complicated sushi rolls, then to Scott drinking wine. Stock music plays and the scene begins to end in that comfortingly telegraphed reality show way, but first, Scott tells Kourtney her hair looks nice. Then, if only for a moment, she sort of smiles.

In the vacuum sealed, deliberately enunciated infomercial that is the Kardashian universe, Scott Disick is something of a seer. In an episode last season, while Scott and Kourtney watched Titanic, Kourtney asked why the two of them couldn’t be that romantic. Scott answers, “Why don't we have the chemistry Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet had in Titanic? I'll tell you why: we're not in a movie!" It was, if inadvertently, a distillation of every reality show that has ever existed.

Scott, now 30, said this in 2010 when asked what he does for a living: “I may be a douche to some people, but I actually do run companies. I make a lot of money, and I’m more than capable of supporting myself.” An asshole cuts you off in traffic. A douche won’t let you merge and then parks diagonally in a handicap spot. “Douche” is carried as an entitlement—a kind of royalty, a designation Scott is also quite fond of.

He gleefully adopts symbols of opulence and privilege: suspenders, canes, cigars, sweaters tied around the neck, contrast-collar shirts. It is not hedonism; Scott is a walking affectation. When he slicks his hair back, he refers to it as “the Michael Douglass in Wall Street.” His favorite movie is American Psycho, and he’s spent the better part of Keeping up with the Kardashian’s existence demonstrating the same maniacal devotion to the superficial as Patrick Bateman. Scott Disick looking at himself in the mirror is something beyond narcissism. It is performance art. It is a man inhabiting another dimension. He constantly acknowledges that he is trying to be this other person. Few people have ever been as dedicated to a persona. He wants to become some replica of that ruthless, condescending, coke-fueled, arapestocratic One Percenter New Yorker, and he is shouting that intention at you through a megaphone. Then he is probably making a fart noise into the megaphone, because despite his interest in sophistication, he is unstoppably juvenile.

In June, in promotion of Kanye West’s Yeezus, he performed as Bateman in a nearly identical reenactment of the ax scene in American Psycho. He completely lacked the disturbing cool Christian Bale played the character with, but Scott—trying to mimic an actor who was trying to mimic a character who is himself completely artificial and wears a “mask of sanity”—seemed during the clip as excited as he has ever been.

Scott propagates the perception of himself as a lord not simply because he finds snakeskin loafers and double-breasted suits appealing, but because it is an obnoxious, outrageous hobby, and he is a rich man with no real job. In reality, he's someone who tweets breathlessly about the greatness of Entourage. Who makes penis jokes and named the frog living in his jacuzzi. He’s a bro with a more expensive fantasy football. Instead of wearing a jersey, he wears an ascot. He doesn’t worship running backs, he worships fame. He’s not completely but definitely kind of a dick, and if that isn’t his most prized quality, it’s in his top five. Celebrity excuses ridiculousness; the reality show perpetuates it.

On an episode of the CW show H8r, most notable for forcing me to type “H8r” just now, he said “I don’t think I’m the most honest man around.” On the Honesty Wheel, Scott has gone well past shame and remorse and come around to self-effacing honesty about his dishonesty.  Keeping up with the Kardashians is a show about fake women trying to be perceived as real; Scott is unquestionably its realest character by virtue of attempting to be something fake.

He tweets about getting a matte black Range Rover with the excitement of someone reaching the top of an organ-transplant list. He—not his aesthetic, but the way he operates—is the definitive representation of a certain subculture in this country in 2013: self-aware, bold, shameless, trolling relentlessly, retweeting critics in a way he seems to enjoy so much it’s as if he’s licking a plate clean. His entire life is occupied by recreation. Trips to Europe, bespoke fittings, lying outside. The best way to describe Scott’s tan is to say he wears it like it were a fabric: fastidiously maintained, inspected periodically to make sure it is still flawless, walking with his arms slightly outstretched as if he’s eyeing it for pieces of lint he should pluck off. He tans in a way that seems almost geometrical, somehow in the sun’s direct path in nearly every outdoor scene. That this might bother you delights him.

He smokes cigarettes in elevators, he takes dramatic swigs from Coronas, he smacks girls’ asses in public.  He’s an only child who grew up in Manhattan, spendt summers in the Hamptons, and said on last week’s episode, when referring to a mopey sister-in-law, “I used to be like that as a kid. I'd put myself in a position just so people would feel bad for me.” He is someone who can be pathetically charming and loathsome simultaneously.

Your opinion of Scott Disick is in a way a referendum on Getting It. Yes, he is arrogant and rude and compulsive. He said, “I run multiple companies in the vitamin world: QuickTrim, Rejuvacare, Monte Carlo Perpetual Tan,” which means he is also comfortable saying the words “Monte Carlo Perpetual Tan” out loud, reason enough to hate someone. And this reads like the most insufferable item ever transmitted by the internet. But there will always be famous people, falsely modest and super serious ones. Scott is not that; he is a douche, but a sincere, unabashed douche. He treats fame not as a status to conceal but as an arcade game, something to be beaten in different ways. If the lord had a throne, it’d probably be a recliner.

Previously - Death to the Man Cave

John Saward likes O.V. Wright and eating guacamole with no pants on. He lives in Connecticut. Follow him on Twitter @RBUAS.

There Was a Harry Potter Craft Faire in Los Angeles

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When nerds aren’t fighting each other on the battle lines for the glory of being the “ultimate fan,” they relax within safe havens like the “Harry Potter Store,” in Los Angeles, CA. Whimsic Alley, as it’s officially called, has been haunting the streets of Wilshire Blvd for longer than you’re guessing. Hidden between a sports/karaoke bar and a deserted Blockbuster Video, it’s just like the real Wizarding World, if He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was a codename for the Great Recession.

Despite it being years since the last book hit shelves, or the last movie hit theaters, its frequently unshowered followers still pack the halls. Just recently they showed off their yarn-soft sides in the Etsy-be-damned Harry Potter Store Craft Faire.

For a brief period of time I sold wands at this store. I was in between adult jobs and thought I’d add a dose of whimsy to my life. The turnover rate for employees has been so high however, that I walked in undetected by any of the wand-wielding staff, a truth I found equal-parts relieving and disappointing.

To say the turnout was humble would be a massive understatement. A collection of 13 or so “booths,” littered the store’s “Great Hall,” representing an eclectic mix of hair pins, messenger bags, jewelry, and other items your sister will strain to appreciate when she receives it in her Christmas stocking.

I eagerly navigated my way through the vendors, hungry to find the weirdest item being sold. One thing I learned is that bow ties are a big deal this season. I’d say this faire was about 70% bow ties and even though that technically amounted to 3 people selling themed accessories, that’s still a lot for me.

Another big craft hit? Broaches. Don’t ask me why or how but I found myself in the care of an elderly woman resembling a Golden Girls special guest star all the while shouting, “Broaches are definitely making a comeback!”

My favorite people quickly rose from the heap in the form of two Latina ladies who didn’t know where they were. Their booth was barely decorated, their wares quickly organized onto a cardboard slab with the words, “COOL ACCESSORIES” scrolled across in sharpie. They were beautiful.

When I walked in, I caught who I will lovingly refer to as, “Mama Lady,” (her accomplice naturally dubbed, “Baby Lady”) dismounting from a top-shelf sales pitch with a socially awkward customer who was looking at the above wacky getup. Mama Lady’s pitch consisted of her screeching, “I danno, it’s like… Batman n’ shit. They’re real cute. You want two?” I marveled at this woman’s boldness.

Their booth, however, was in sharp contrast to the rest of the faire. Banners and posters and tri-levels of Potter-themed treats resting in a fashion to suggest you were entering a Mad Tea Party covered the remainder of the Hall.

Keeping within the “nerd sanctuary” theme, there was even a makeshift bar where you could wet your whistle on the store’s own version of Butterbeer. I approached the stand and found myself face-to-face with the unbridled enthusiasm one only finds in an employee who’s been told to “just stand there until 5pm.”

“Hi! Can I get a glass of Butterbeer for you? Would you like it frozen? Would you like to buy a commemorate [sic] cup? Do you need a minute?” He said this all while not blinking once, reciting the memorized speech as if it was only the fifth time he was telling another human person and not the walls that enveloped him for the duration of his shift. I slinked away quietly, but not before responding, “No thanks, I’m straight.” Again, no blinking. My Muggle-like humor had no home here.

After that, I quickly narrowed my sights on a man sitting behind frilly top hats and Potter-themed messenger bags. I was hungry to dig my teeth into some nerd warfare. His name was Michael, and he stood proud beneath a top hat and matching borderline time traveler-y vest. His booth featured Nerd-themed messenger bags he hand-stitched himself. According to him, the idea was born out of attending the Harry Potter Adult Wizard Camp where he and his fellow tax-paying human people attended each day with their own wands. Michael’s an innovator, ya’ see, and he saw a need and leapt to fulfill it. His wand-carrying messenger bags were quickly the toast of the Wizard Ball, and online orders soon followed.

“Alright, but what’s the strangest bag you’ve made?” I was ready to throw some dirt, burn some l-b’s, get down on some weird stuff. He hesitated. “Uh. I don’t know, like, Twilight?” My eyes lit up and I went in for the kill with the best joke at my disposal. “Yeah, Twilight! They’re fading fast amiriiiight?”

When I clocked in a couple of summers ago, the store had a “Twilight Corner,” more out of obligation than fan dedication. All throughout that summer I watched it vanish before my eyes, slipping smaller and smaller until it was just a set of Robert Pattinson bedroom wall appliqués.

I struggled to get Michael to shit-talk vampires. “I mean, they still have conventions every year. So I guess they’re doing okay.” “Yeah, but what about Steampunk? That’s like the world’s punchline, right?” The moment I said this my eyes found a butterfly hairpin composed of clock gears. I swallowed my words. “I mean, I don’t think that, but you know, the outsiders must feel that way.”

More and more steampunk people comprised the remainder of the faire. I found out there is such a thing as a “Steampunk Celebrity,” an individual or group of people who are notorious among the gear-obsessed circles. I asked a young goth girl named Kiara, “don’t you ever feel like they’re the dorkiest group out of the nerdy?” Again, nothing. “It’s cool. They’re creative. They’re just having fun like the rest of us.” Her words were positively stated, like a hand reassuringly patting me on the shoulder, aware of my disappointment.

I emerged from the tiny nerd fray, dejected by the realization that my graduating class of Nerd-dom had long since sashayed away into that good night. A new wave of pop culture appreciators have been ushered into the Chapel for Thou With Specific Interests, and they’re standing at the gates placing flowers where there once were lightsaber beams.

Maybe there isn’t too strong a difference between Skywalker and Spock, but they’ll never take my Potter-loving heart. Though I appreciate and respect others whose allegiance may differ from mine, I stand my ground on who my favorite Doctor Who actor is, or which Harry Potter house I hold empathy for.

And though “Mama Lady,” and “Baby Lady,” may never know this world, I’m sure they’d still agree with me in saying that Twilight still most definitely sucks. 

@juliaprescott

More weird LA shit:

The 12 Least Overrated Things in Los Angeles

I Saw the Backstreet Boys Perform at a Mall

I Went to a Nightclub for the First Time Ever

Lil' Thinks: The End of High-Low

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Illustration by Penelope Gazin

By now, to say that highbrow and lowbrow—or high culture and low culture—form a false dichotomy is pretty, you know, obvs. Maybe we’ve felt it to be true for a while, that the idea of high and low as discrete and opposed units of whatever—of product or content or idea—was dumb; maybe it took a cache of excellent TV shows to finally prove it. 

It’s not that it didn’t have its uses. “High-low” in its various forms is why music critics take Taylor Swift seriously—or, if not, they absolutely should—and why teenagers know what Balmain means. High-low is an easy prism through which to consider different kinds and directions of cultural aspirationalism, and has always been integral to fashion, art, hip-hop, and more recently to culture that is created and experienced online; Tumblr and, to some degree, Twitter are about the value of combining disparate and usually borrowed references, so often pulled specifically from traditionally high and traditionally low cultural sources. 

Still, high-low is mostly ahistorical: a way to capture and capitalize on existing ideas without much of a need to understand them. Teenagers know what Balmain means, but not from whence it came. I do this, too: I “love” architecture, but I never learned about it in a real way; my professed interest in, say, Mies van der Rohe is genuine, but my actual knowledge is strictly wikied, my actual involvement nil. 

High-low still superexists as a fashion thing, usually describing higher-end, higher-brow, officially sanctioned fashion worn with cheaper, older, whatever stuff. The upscale-downtown-ubiquitous girl uniform of a classic flap Chanel bag and $1,200 shoes with ripped-apart, pissed-on cutoffs and a reappropriated T-shirt is where high-low lives; most street style (or most community-approved street style) and most of its related aesthetic pursuits still rely on a very established, very sanctioned idea of high-low harmony. 

What comes—what is coming, and happening already—after high-low becomes thoroughly numbed and exhausted is more cohesive, a lot more authentic and personal, and, crucially, less predictable. Gilles Deleuze and Félix Guattari used the word rhizome, like an underground plant stem, to explain theory and ideas (and, subsequently, as a suggestion for society) with endless connections and interactions, an assemblage, without an inherent hierarchy of either development or values. It’s that vision—also, to rip an idea from feminist theory, an intersectionality, where individual groups, or parts, are affected by the same system in meaningful ways, often at the same time—that best explains what follows the dominant high-low idea, and leads toward something real. I have no good shorthand for it (do you?), but have been calling it “everythingness.” 

This everythingness is especially prevalent in the sensibilities of people who are, right now, on both sides of the establishment, my favorite of which are Kid Fury, who is from Florida and pulls deep on the South, Christianity, gay NYC, hip-hop culture, Beyoncé, “stan” culture, and, like, Scandal, on his YouTube videos and podcast; Cat Marnell, who signed a serious deal for her drug memoir, writes beautifully and with exaltation and detail about makeup, graffiti, East Coast prep-schooled and trust-funded and psychologized kid culture, British tabloids, and twentysomething careerism; and Amy Sherman-Palladino, who makes TV about girls and women and family and friends. Her newest, Bunheads, is an ABC Family show about teen ballerinas told largely through the dustiest pop-arcana; one episode was called “I’ll Be Your Meyer Lansky.” On ABC Family! Right?

In many cases, like those ones, post-high-low everythingness invokes a lot of the lost stuff of our parents’ or grandparents’ generations, and even more often evokes childhood, as well as memory, loss, desire, and character. It comes from everywhere, and is personally filtered and understood, demanding a more sincere engagement and investment in one’s own experience in the world—given, found, and really cultivated—than a high-low framework. That everythingness makes better use of our unique selves and histories (maybe even the same aspects that we shed in favor of cooler, chosen influence) is so powerful; rather than gathering up an appealing, aspirational mass of “likes” from the infinity of the internet, this new method of expressing one’s self culturally, or being “oneself,” contributes much more depth and breadth to the culture as a whole. This has especially rad possibilities for people whose histories and experiences in the world tend to be overlooked.  

Soon enough, this particular sensibility will travel, as it always does, and permeate different cultural strata until it too is an oft-invisible commonality, like high-low has been. It asks more, but it might give more, too. 

Kate Carraway writes the weekly Obseshes column for VICE.com.

Follow Kate on Twitter: @KateCarraway

Previously: Friends

 


Drinking Camel Urine in Yemen

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People have been consuming camel piss on the Arabian Peninsula for a long, long time. It’s been used by the Bedouin people as a shampoo and medicine for centuries, and it’s part of Muslim tradition as well; the Prophet Mohammed is said to have once told some of his sick followers to drink camel milk and pee “till their bodies became healthy.”

Since the seventh century, Yemenis have been following his advice. Statistics about camel urine use are rare, but if you spend any time in Yemen you’ll find some people, mostly in the countryside, who drink urine as a cure for whatever ails them. Some salons use it as a remedy for hair loss, and it’s even occasionally prescribed by some doctors.

Researchers in Muslim countries have lately been trying to lend some scientific basis to the claims that drinking piss will cure diseases. In February, a team from King Abdulaziz University in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, claimed they had extracted a substance called PMF701 from camel urine that could be used to treat cancer. Similar claims were made by the same researchers in 2009, when they said they’d seen evidence that camel milk and pee could fight eczema and psoriasis. 

They were never given permission from the Saudi Food and Drug Authority to conduct more studies on patients, however, and there have been plenty of scientists and doctors in the region who have publicly denounced the practice of sipping camel pee. Lecturers from Sana’a University, in Yemen’s capital, have gone out of their way to remind people that quaffing urine is bad for your digestive system, and Dr. Rida Al-Wakil, a professor at a medical school in Egypt, told Alrai, an Arabic-language newspaper in Kuwait, that ads for camel urine treatments for hepatitis were “misleading” and potentially dangerous. 

While recently near Ta’izz, Yemen’s third-largest city, I decided to see what all the fuss was about for myself. According to herders I spoke to, pee from virgin female camels is highly prized for its delicate taste and curative powers, and can cost up to the equivalent of $20 for a single liter. I went with nonvirgin urine—for the equivalent of about $4, I got a fresh liter of it from a camel herder named Ahmed and took a long drink. 

The taste of warm piss is, as you would expect, disgusting. But when it’s mixed with camel milk, as it traditionally is, it’s even worse. Getting rid of the musky aftertaste that takes over your mouth after the first sip is impossible. It didn’t make me feel any healthier, but it didn’t make me sicker either.

More from the Hot Box Issue:

Itty-Bitty Kitty, Giant Spirit

I Left My Lungs in Aamjiwnaang

It’s Good to Be the King

Cry-Baby of the Week

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Cry-Baby #1: Lorenzo Riggins


(via Reddit)

The incident: McDonalds messed up a guy's order. 

The appropriate response: Complaining to the manager. 

The actual response: He called the police. 

Last week, East Albany, GA resident Lorenzo Riggins went to his local McDonalds. 

He placed an order for "seven McDoubles and one chicken and one fries." 

After leaving the restaurant, Lorenzo realized he hadn't been given everything he ordered, "When I got to my truck and I got ready to leave, I looked in my bag and come to find out I had six McDoubles," he told WALB News.

Lorenzo then went back inside and spoke with an employee, but, according to Lorenzo, she was not helpful, "She was trying to get an attitude with me and I said I'm going to call the police."

And Lorenzo did actually call the fucking police. Who, unsurprisingly, came and arrested him for misuse of 911. 

He spent the night in the cells before appearing before a judge. His case was dismissed, as the judge decided the night he'd already spent locked up was punishment enough. 

Lorenzo says that he still plans to eat at McDonalds. Despite everything that happened. 

Also speaking to WALB, Jim Vaught, the deputy director of the Albany EMA, said "it's really not funny." Which, clearly, is a lie. 

Cry-Baby #2: Rebecca Simons

The incident: A woman got called out for cutting in front of a guy at the McDonalds drive-thru.

The appropriate response: Nothing.

The actual response: She stabbed the guy she cut in front of.

Earlier this week, 45-year-old Rebecca Simons tried to cut in line at the drive-thru of the McDonalds in Riverview, FL. 

The guy she was cutting in front of, Mohammad Abukhder, yelled at her from his car. 

Rebecca then allegedly leaped out of her car, and stabbed the hood of Mohammad's car with a knife, causing $200 worth of damage. Mohammad got out of his car and attempted to take Rebecca's keys to stop her from leaving the scene while he called the police.

This, police say, is when Rebecca stabbed Mohammad in the right ass cheek. She was arrested at the scene and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon as well as criminal mischief with property damage. 

Mohammad did not require hospital treatment. 

Which one of these McDonalds-related cry-babies is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:

 

Previously: A guy who's suing because Jesus had an unfair trial Vs. A school who banned a kid from a school trip over some chocolate.

Winner: The school!!!

@JLCT

New York State of Mind: The Wu-Tang Clan Swarm London

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Hip-hop is having a renaissance right now in the city of New York, where it seems like every other day a new MC rises up out of the five boroughs with an even more unique style and approach to the music than what we thought was possible before. Motley crews like the A$AP Mob, the Beast Coast, and World's Fair have given us a reason to love rhymes again. We've written a lot about this stuff, but sometimes words don't do it justice. So, we've linked up with scene insider Verena Stefanie Grotto to document the new New York movement as it happens in real time, with intimate shots of rappers, scenesters, artists, and fashion fiends.

Verena is still across the pond in London. This week, she caught up with the New York rap legends, the Wu-Tang Clan, as they traveled around England for a day in a minivan. While hanging with the Wu, she shopped for sneakers with Raekwon and took photos of the Clan's massive UK concert.

Photographer Verena Stefanie was born and bred in Bassano del Grappa, Italy. The small town is not known for hip-hop, but they do make a very tasty grape-based pomace brandy there called grappa. Stefanie left Bassano del Grappa at the age of 17 to go and live the wild skateboarding life in Barcelona, Spain, where she worked as the Fashion Coordinator for VICE Spain. Tired of guiding photographers to catch the best shots, she eventually grabbed the camera herself and is now devoted to documenting artists, rappers, style-heads, and more. She recently directed a renowned documentary about the Grime scene in UK and has had photo features in GQ, Cosmopolitan, VICE, and many more. 

Check out her website and follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

@VerenaStefanie 

Previously - American Underachievers in London

A Decade of Photos from London's Southbank Skate Park

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Remember when we wrote that article a few months ago about how it would suck for London if Southbank skate park was shut down? Well, it's been saved, if only temporarily. After months of campaigning from various groups (shouts to Long Live Southbank's 8,000 signatures of support, as well as the 60,000+ signatures on change.com), the undercroft has been declared "an asset of community value." However, while the planning application that would have destroyed it has been suspended, it's still at risk of being bought by any organization that might want to build a selection of coffee shops or a cupcake boutique on it. At which point, the fight will have to ratchet up through the gears again.

Andy Simmons has been photographing Southbank since the late 90s. Sadly, his exhibition of those photos at the Wayward Gallery in London finished this weekend, but given the news that the park has, for now, been saved, I decided to get in touch with Andy and ask him some questions.

VICE: So, the battle to save Southbank continues.
Andy Simmons: Yeah. To be honest, I haven’t been too involved with the campaign, but it’s strange that an arts council wanted to get rid of it in the first place. It’s a place that’s so culturally significant and as important as anything that’s happened inside the festival hall. So many artists, photographers, and filmmakers have come through there as skateboarders. I myself learned to skate and take photos there.

When did you start?
I started skating in the late 80s and skated there throughout most of the 90s, up until about 2006. I started taking photos in the late 90s; I used to film skaters and it was a natural progression, I guess, to start taking pictures.

Cool. I’ve always thought of the Southbank as being a bit maligned, even before the recent plans were announced.
A lot of media people avoided it; magazines didn’t go there because it was so oversaturated with coverage in the [Ipswich skateshop and clothing brand] ABD days. You know how you can’t take the same photo twice and all that? That kind of killed the Southbank getting any long-term coverage. It was more of a meeting place than anything else—skating from the Southbank into the city. If you speak to a lot of skateboarders who were around in the 90s, they’ll say the same thing about how they’d meet up at Southbank and from there you’d skate into the city because, at that time, the city wasn’t what it's like now—you couldn’t really skate there because you’d get busted all the time.

What did the Southbank security do to stop you?
When I first started skating they’d hose it down, making it so wet that you couldn’t skate. And the security guards would throw stones around all over the place, making it unskateable. Over the years the security got a bit more tolerant and the Festival Hall people realized that they couldn’t get rid of us. They tried their best to ruin it, though—they chopped into the paving slabs to stop people skating the smaller stairs by the National Film Theater [now the British Film Institute] entrance, and they put the bars up. But that didn’t stop people from skating—they just...

Found more inventive ways around it?
Yeah. The urban myth goes that Ben Jobe backside kickflipped the whole bar in Doc Martens—that’s the kind of stuff that was going on. They tried to stop it, but it just kind of adapted. That’s what skaters do—it’s what they’ve always done.

What other urban legends of British skating emerged around that time?
Dan Barnett, who was a legendary skater in the Southbank scene, didn’t get much coverage, but that was his own fault, really—he didn’t care about it, all he cared about was skating. If you talk to people who know about skating in London, they’ll say how talented he was and how he was the most talented skater to come out of London. His style was so far from what everyone else was doing—it was so smooth. If you think about skating as an art, he kind of embodied that more than anybody else. He could have gone to America in the 90s and killed it; he would have been like Tom Penny or Geoff Rowley or someone.

How would relocating Southbank have affected the vibe, do you think? Hungerford Bridge, where they were going to move everything to, is pretty close, I guess.
People used to skate there anyway. That used to be part of the Southbank, but they say that spot isn't as big as the Southbank, which I think is only because skating numbers have shrunk drastically. If they wanted to recreate it as it was in 1989, I don’t think people would have a problem with that—they’d think it would look better. But whenever people come over from America, Southbank is still the first place they go. The Spanish Vans team visited recently, actually.

Yeah, I’ve always thought that skating helps bring together a varied bunch of people.
That’s the thing: it was really diverse—black and white, rich and poor—and you only really knew people from skating; a lot of the time you wouldn’t even see people much socially. It’s like football—a different mix. Now it’s kind of a fashion thing.

Was there a friendly rivalry between everyone back then?
I don’t think so, no. It seemed a bit spiteful—everyone was a bit nasty to each other. People used to really go in on Alex Moul. You hear about Southbank as a really cliquey place, but I never saw anything like that. You’d also hear stories about the Embarcadero Center in San Francisco, where—even if you were good—people like Mike Carroll and James Kelch would still fuck with you if they didn’t know you. There were also stories of people getting beaten up there.

The last photo in the exhibition was taken around 2006. Do you still take photos?
As and when, yeah. I’ve been photographing my friend's band, Breton, for the last year.

Who’s more hassle-free: musicians or skaters?
Rock stars. They’re a bit more professional—they don’t turn up stoned or just not show up, which is what most skateboarders tended to do. That’s why I leaned more toward a documentary style, because you could shoot someone all day and there’s no guarantee that they’re going to make it—you could end up with rolls of nothing. I was always interested in the kind of shots that you wouldn’t see in a magazine.

Great. Thanks, Andy.

Check out more of Andy’s photos here and here.

More stuff about skating in London:

Why Closing Southbank Skate Park Would Suck For London

WATCH – Skate World: London

Seinfeld2000 Imagines if Jerry Seinfeld and Death Grips Put on a "Show about Nothing"

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Seinfeld2000 Imagines if Jerry Seinfeld and Death Grips Put on a "Show about Nothing"
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