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Rural Pennsylvania's Survivalist Manhunt Saga Is Finally Over

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It ended where it all began for Eric Frein.

After US marshals pulled him out of an abandoned airport hangar in Pennsylvania's Pocono mountains on Thursday evening, they took Frein back to the same state police barracks where, on September 12, he allegedly shot and killed Corporal Bryon Dickson and injured another state trooper in an ambush. To add another layer of poetic justice, state troopers delivered handc​uffs that had been assigned to Dickson to the arrest site so they could be slapped on Frein, who was transported in Dickson's car. His associates ​sa​y that Frein, an intermittently employed 31-year-old who lived with his parents and had a taste for war reenactment and a fetish for Serb​ian army gear, had spouted anti-cop rhetoric, but no specific motive has been given for the shooting.

After his abandoned car identified him as the shooter at the police barracks, Frein hid in the wilderness for 48 days. During that time, the Poconos--a rural stretch of eastern Pennsylvania containing a few villages, a stretch of rugged terrain. and some decent skiing--resembled an occupied territory.

The ranks of law enforcement in the area swelled from 200 immediately after the shooting to 400 at the end of September to 1,000 at the end of the manhunt. Helicopters buzzed overhead. Officers in SWAT gear patrolled country roads. Possible Frein sightings shut down schools. Residents ​carried weapons while walking their dogs and feeding their chickens. On Twitter, they exchanged photos of assault rifle-wielding, camo-covered cops and videos of surveillance copters under the hashtag #​EricFrein. The Ohio Department of Transportation donated a silent weather ball​o​on to the aerial surveillance effort. A 39-year-old carless man who matches ​Frein's​ build and walks to work through the woods says he was accosted at gunpoint several times. Pictures of Frein, dressed in his Serbian army outfit and carrying a rifle, were plastered in nearly every gas station, grocery store, and post office in eastern Pennsylvania, and lit up highway signs. "Considered armed and dangerous," they read.

During the manhunt, all indications suggested Frein was a self-trained survivalist and expert marksman, and that he still had the AK-47 he used to kill Dickson. In an oft-cited quote, Frein's father, a retired Army major, said his son "doesn't miss" with a rifle. For weeks, all police could find of him was a campsite of soiled diapers, empty packages of Serbian cigarettes, and a diary that seemed to contain a confession. ([Got] a shot around 11 PM and took it," it r​ea​d. "He droped" [sic].)

Residents were particularly on edge because police warned them that Frein might try to take shelter in a vacation home or hunting cabin, or even break into a year-round residence.

"My house was lit up like a Christmas tree," says Nan Scharth, a resident of Price Township. "We had every floodlight on all of the time. When we came home, I would look in every closet and under every bed." During the search, Scharth says she never drove down a road without eying at least one police car or officer on foot.

The search eventually drew bounty hunters and desperate entrepreneurs. Michael DeSenzo, a 48-year-old unemployed father of three, scoured the woods for Frein, hoping to earn the $175,000 reward on his head.

"I would find out where the authorities were focusing and search just outside of the area," says DeSenzo. He "used Google Earth and [his] knowledge of the area to identify the most likely area Frein would be."

"My goal was never to confront," says DeSenzo, who was armed with only a small knife. "I simply wanted to identify him and call it in like any resident would do. The only difference is I went into the woods to do it."

DeSenzo spent nine days on the prowl and found "nothing terribly exciting: a banana peel, several piles of bear dung, homeless guy squatting in an abandoned house," but no AK-carrying psycho.

Still, as employment had recently eluded DeSenzo, it seemed like as good a way as any to feed a family in this economically desolate place. In Monroe County, the heart of the search, the percentage of children who are at or near poverty soared to 76 percent during the last r​eces​sion.

The manhunt for Frein highlighted some of the symbols of Poconos' economic rust. For several days, police focused on the Inn at Buck Hill Falls, a 400-room resort and conference center closed and left to rot in 1991. The air hangar at which he was collared is part of the Birchwood-Pocono Air Park, a one-time honeymoon spot accessible by commuter plane which has been shuttered since the 90s.

Other than general antipathy for the cops, no one is sure why, exactly, Frein targeted the police barracks.

Catherine Stock, a professor of history at Connecticut College and author of Rural Radicals: Righteous Indignation in the American Grain, says the case bears several marks of a pattern of political violence in the American boonies.

"People in rural areas see all the power in urban centers," Stock says. "They don't feel powerful or think white privilege extends to them."

Often, the military is idolized in such places, both because bases tend to be stashed there and because enlistment rates among the rural population are so high. Many turn to the armed forces for work and distinction, two things that can be in short supply when the big employers in the area are Sunoco and Walmart. 

"The military offers a job with honor when there might not much else available," Stock says.

In some cases, the men who become terrorists of the sticks previously served in the armed forces, like Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh, or they just play dress-up, like Frein. The insignia and speech of a soldier is a sign of manhood, one that can replace ability to feed a family or subsist independently. 

Authorities in the Poconos had good reason to go all out to catch a crazed gunman in their midst, but military equipment and tactics have become increasingly routine in police work. According to Stock, that feeds back into the minds of camo-wearing "sovereign citizen" types. Add in easy access to firearms and a cultural worship of the gun, and you have a history of backwoods anger-cum-radicalism that stretches back to the Whiskey Rebellion.

"There is a militarization of our culture right now," Stock tells me. "The signal to some people who might feel threatened by the way the country is changing is that it is the military's job is to defend the culture, and they may move to take an active part in that." 

​Nick Keppler is a Pennsylvania-based freelance writer whose work has appeared in the Village Voice, Nerve.com and Pittsburgh City Paper.


VICE Vs Video Games: Why Do All These New Video Games Look So Old?

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This post originally appeared on VICE UK

Flick through any preview piece for games coming out in 2015 and you'll spot a litany of lavish-looking delights. From Bloodborne and The Order: 1886 on the PlayStation 4, to the Wii U's first proper Zelda game, there are some seriously handsome adventures forthcoming that make the very most of today's console power.

And yet, here I am, most eagerly anticipating a handful of games that look to much older aesthetic approaches for their stylistic hooks. I'm not talking about the vintage animation of something like  ​Cuphead, as compellingly drawn as Studio MDHR's run-and-gunner is. Instead, I'm more interested in the games that seem as if they could be rendered--in stills, at least (and admittedly from quite a distance)--on a Super Nintendo.

A still from 'Titan Souls'

Foremost among these wonderfully retro-colored attractions is Hyper Light Drifter, an action-adventure game in the Zelda mold that I've been tracking ever since its Kickstarter announcement and debut trailer in September of 2013. Estimated delivery for the final game was set at June of 2014, but creator Alex Preston's long-term health issues (he was born with a heart condition) ​ha​ve slowed pr​ogress. The game's Wikipedia page still lists a "late 2014" release, but ​recent preview p​ie​ces point to an unspecified date next year.

However, nobody, surely, is too concerned about waiting a little longer, given what we might get. This game has promised to be special from the outset-a proper old-school tough dungeon explorer-and its visuals are a trip, both in the sense of their psychedelic kineticism and their throwback pixel art. I mean, just look at this beautiful thing:

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I must have watched that trailer tens of times now, but that final "boss" scene at the 1:30 mark still brings me out in chills. I cannot wait to play the final game, which is scheduled for release across a host of platforms, including Windows, PS4 and Vita, Xbox One and the Wii U.

Another comparably 16-bit-y role-player is also due to arrive on the new-gen consoles and PC / Mac alike, namely Titan Souls​Des​cribed as "Shadow of the Colossus meets Dark Souls" on reveal by Rock, Paper, Shotgun in late 2013, what began as a quickly assembled "de-make" of the nothing-but-bosses PS2 classic ​Shadow of the Col​ossus, put together in mere days at ​Lu​dum Dare 28, has transformed into a full game in development by Acid Nerve, with support from Devolver Digital. Again, this is like porn for me:

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The 'Titan Souls'  gameplay trailer

Titan Souls' one-hit deaths and single-arrow attacks feel a far cry from the overpowered protagonists commonplace in contemporary gaming. There's no chance of your tiny avatar here becoming a god among grunts as you proceed through a series of 25 gargantuan bosses. (Each of those has just a single hit point weak spot, too, but you'll have to be quick-witted and digitally dextrous to nail them.)

"The process of playing involves dying a lot," developer David Fenn ​tol​d Polygon, immediately positioning his game as a Dark Souls-like grind, albeit one that looks more like it's set in the Hyrule of the early-1990s than the threatening environs of Drangelic.

Remaining on the de-make front, and keeping things tied to Zelda, N64 classic Ocarina Of Time has a 2D makeover in the works. It's 10 percent complete ​as of the end of Sep​tember, though whether or not the Alternative Gamers team will be able to finish their project before Nintendo's lawyers intervene remains to be seen. You can check out the impressive efforts so far in the gameplay trailer below.

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As someone who was first ensnared by gaming culture in the 1990s-particularly during those pre-PlayStation years where the SNES and Genesis battled for 16-bit supremacy in the playground, and Amiga owners got to gloat about their Sensible Software and Bitmap Brothers titles, the concept of the de-make is forever appealing: both because of simple nostalgia and the more practical question of whether or not a modern game's spirit can carry over to more archaic design templates.

Looking at the fantastic pixel art of Sweden's ​Jun​kboy makes me think that a great many modern hits could easily enough translate to de-make status. ​His interpretation of Bayonet​ta, for example, could be straight out of Sega's shooter catalogue-or, rather, from their numerous collaborations with Treasure-and his take on Halo turns Master Chief's mega-selling series into a Turrican-alike. 

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​Junkboy's interpretation of 'Halo'

Junkboy's pictures are just that: They don't move, you can't play them. More's the pity. On the topic of moving pictures, though, one particularly violent South Korean movie, 2003's Oldboy, has inspired a particularly bloody browser game, where the player must guide the hammer-wielding Oh Dae-Su through that corridor, filled with armed thugs. Hammered, as it's appropriately titled, was created by one David Abbott for this ​year's L​UC Prize, and you can play it ​h​ere.

It isn't just Junkboy who's adept at turning something shiny and realistic (enough) into pixel-perfect art reminiscent of a bygone era.  ​Matthew ​Frith does a fine job of taking easily recognisable movies and films and rendering iconic characters and scenes in a style that owes a good amount to the most classic of LucasArts games, hence Kotaku compiling some of his best work under the headline: "​The Best 90s Adventure Games We Neve​r Got."

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​ Matthew Frith's vision of 'Breaking Bad' as a point-and-click affair

But we're getting away from the retro-geared games that you can play both in the future and the here and now. There are some great options available already, from the hyper-violence of top-down, Drive,referencing murder-sim Hotline Miami, to the frenetic firepower of Super Time Force, and the retina-popping puzzles of Fez

The success of these games is helping to paint the future in similarly blocky terms. Which is great for older sorts who still drag their Genesises out from under the bed when their other halves aren't looking (oh, hi!), as well as younger players who missed out on a previous age of games design, where everything didn't have to come with HD textures or run at a smooth 60 frames per second.

Coming up, beyond Titan Souls and Hyper Light Drifter, is Animal Gods, another retro-role-player ​curren​tly on Kickstarter, where makers Still Gamers are looking for a £16,000 (~$25,600) investment. It certainly looks the part, its trailer delivering on its makers' intention of pairing "the tight and polished action of The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds with a cast of characters and touching story moments [reminiscent] of classic 1990s JRPGs." Taking things to blocky extremes is Thomas W​as A​​lone--which receives Xbox One and PS4 ports in November-and ​Proj​ect Totem, a puzzle-platformer with a twist, due out equally imminently on the same consoles.

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Nintendo has seen its retooling of 1980s hits, the NES Remix series, prove a success for Wii U in 2014, and is taking its two packages to date across to the 3DS in November as Ultimate NES Remix. What we have here isn't something new in the threads worn by its predecessors-this is Donkey Kong, the first Super Mario Bros., Excitebike and Kirby's Adventure (and loads more) disassembled and rebuilt as short-play, single-hop-on-the-bus experiences collected into an overall value-for-money package. It looks really old because it is really old.

As you complete challenges set in these golden oldies (scored on an out-of-three-star scale, depending on the time you took to reach whatever goal was set before you) you unlock more of the game's main remix levels, where Nintendo classics collide:  ​Link having to avoid ​Donkey Kong's barrels, for example. I've been playing it on and off over a week or so, and so far haven't progressed particularly far, both because of some alarming difficulty peaks and, perhaps, my own stupid body. I don't think I have particularly massive thumbs, but they're far from ideally proportioned digits for the 3DS's minuscule face buttons.

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​The trailer for NES Remix

I've got 62 stars at the time of writing, no great shakes, but enough already to understand the core appeal of the NES Remix series. When games play well, they don't age, whatever their lack of gloss. Ultimate... has an option ​to play Speed Mario B​ros--the first game, supercharged, with Mario skidding about like he's an F1 car tackling the Antarctic Grand Prix. And it's completely brilliant, a flashback from 1985 that stands up in challenge and entertainment value to the plumber's most recent 3D World Wii U escapade.

In fact, I'm playing it right now, probably, when I could be finishing up Alien: Isolation, or Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor, or Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!, or any number of bigger, louder, but certainly not faster games. Because it's what I know, just slightly different-which is probably why I'm so excited for the likes of Hyper Light Drifter, taking, as it does, plenty of cues from games of my youth. 

Sure, I'm keen to dive into Bloodborne and all its garish ghouls and pristine blood splatters when that arrives; but I also know that truly amazing games don't need tremendous visuals to secure long-lasting appeal. Which is why Tetris is the biggest-selling video game in the world, and anything by David Cage isn't.

Follow Mike Diver on ​Twi​tte​r

Inside the March Against Dan Snyder's Racist NFL Team Name

Is Pop Culture Having a Trans Moment?

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Jennifer Finney Boylan

For years, popular culture has circled around the supposed uniqueness of the transsexual experience. While activism from pop stars and politicians have helped push for a gradual acceptance of gay culture, the last letter in the LGBT acronym has been left to linger on the cusp of cultural consciousness.

However, we've recently seen signs of a substantial shift in the way popular culture takes on the trans narrative. First we saw it in politics with  Chelsea Manning's coming​ out and new protections for trans people added to the Employment Discrimination Act. Then pop culture began to push for a change in conversation. We've seen evidence of this on television with Orange Is the New Black and Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars. We've also seen it during award-season with Dallas Buyers Club, which took Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor at the 86th Aca​demy Awards. And we've seen it thanks to the emergence of mainstream trans icons like Laverne Cox.

Even the nature of conversation saw some radical changes, thanks in large part to trans author and rights advocate Janet Mock, whose on​-air debate with Piers Morgan lead to a viral video and, more importantly, an opportunity for a trans woman to tell her own story.

Still, change doesn't come without resistance. This year also saw newly sparked outrage from a surprising source, when all around love-thyself-preacher RuPaul came under fire for using a derogatory trans slur on his reality show. And that Oscar that Jared Leto nabbed for playing a trans figure without actually being one? For many, it was another example of trans people losing the opportunity to control their narrative.

To figure out if 2014 is really a tipping point in the story of trans people, I spoke with Jennifer Finney Boylan, a professor of English at Colby College, a member of the Board of Directors of GLAAD, and a publicly out trans woman. Boylan served as a consultant on Amazon's feverishly hyped original series, Transparent, which stars Jeffrey Tambor as a family man coming to terms with his trans identity. The series is Amazon's attempt to break into the original streaming programming market and has already become a critical darling, but more than that, it represents another step forward to a new era of telling stories about trans people.   

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VICE: Up until recently, it seemed like the closest thing the mainstream had to a popular depiction of a trans character was in 1992's The Crying Game.
Jennifer Finney Boylan: I didn't have much use for that movie. For one thing, I knew she was trans from the second she stepped onto the screen--and I wasn't even out yet. I just couldn't understand how you could be so blind to gender to not have a sense of who that character was. And then the other character's reaction to the reveal is that he is physically ill, sick to his stomach.

Did that reaction sort of trump the impact of even having that character in a mainstream film? 
Well I guess that movie suggested that the trans experience was exotic and crazy, and I just get sick of that. Show me the movie where there is a transgender senator and nobody says anything about it. Show me the movie where there is a transgender father and it's not a whole thing. We'll know we've really reached a tipping point when transgender people can be apart of a film or novel, and the fact that they're trans is no more extraordinary than if they were Irish.

So someone like Jared Leto getting praise for playing a trans character is in the same vein?
It's always been a problem. Unless you're going for nontraditional casting, you would generally not have a white actor play a role designed for an African-American character. You would normally not cast a woman for a character who is a male. Yet when it comes to transgender roles, there is just this cavalier attitude where they'll just slap a wig on somebody and they're transgender, just like that. They do it again and again and again. And I think a case is finally being made that it's just not right to have people imitating us.

The Amazon series you served as consultant on, Transparent, falls under similar form, right? It stars Jeffrey Tambor.
Well, there are times when having a non-trans actor playing a trans part is appropriate. If you're talking about a character who is not on the transition track or who is in a very early point in their transition or emergence, then sure, I think it makes more sense.

What do you consider to have been the catalyst for this sudden cultural interest in the "true" trans experience? What prompted it?
A number of things have sort of happened at once. Orange Is the New Black is definitely part of it. Laverne Cox, to her tremendous credit, is a big part of it too. She is simply a very gifted actress. I think that her storyline [on the series] has given people a chance to see a trans person's experience in a dramatic fashion as opposed to a sensationalized talk-show format.

Do you think the narrative storytelling is making more strides than any other format?
I think dramas are always going to be more helpful than interviews, because they show people rather than lecture them. There's been a few interesting and groundbreaking talk show interviews. But if you're looking for the sea of change, it sort of begins with Laverne.

Was there widespread excitement from the community that a trans person was being depicted on a significantly hyped series, or was there still a lingering concern?
I think at first some people in the trans community thought that, although the character Laverne is playing is a wonderful character, it's still someone who is incarcerated for credit card fraud. Initially there was concern of, Oh great, here's another example of a trans character on TV who's a criminal. But the surprise turned out to be how much grace and dignity that character has. It's kind of breathtaking, really. And she's been one of the guardian angels of the series.

It's funny because the series shifts the framework away from daytime talk shows, but a lot of conversations have still been had on the talk show circuit.
Right, well the other key moment I would consider also involves Laverne Cox, in which she was seen with Katie Couric and [trans supermodel] Carmen Carera. And Couric was doing what people always do with transsexual women on television, which is to start to ask about their medical history, their private parts. And it was really interesting to see the two of them just say, No, we're not going there. And not just that they said no, but that we're not going to talk that way anymore.

That they weren't going to continue this very specific element of the narrative?
Yes, exactly. When I was on The Oprah Show, they insisted that they film me putting on my makeup. It's the biggest cliché in the world. I said, "You're not doing that," and they said that they had to do it because they insisted that they had to tell my story. They always insist on the before and after. I've been in feuds with lots and lots of people who I know were good-hearted, but who refused to tell my story or my family's in the dignified way that we see ourselves.

Has this focus on, say, wanting to unveil the presumed "strangeness" of the trans experience made it so the larger discourse has stayed stagnant?
I've been on four Oprah shows, two Larry King Live episodes, on the Today show twice, and so many one-off talk shows and documentaries over the last dozen years. And I've never been able to get through one without wanting to break into tears. Ten years ago, at least for me, I found it was impossible to push back against that narrative [of cosmetic procedures and makeup].

What were some of the most difficult on-air interactions?
When I was on the Larry King Live, he turned to me and said, "You've lost something," and it took me some time to understand what he meant, and he was referring to my surgery. And I said, "No, I haven't lost something. I've gained something."

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And this is why the push towards serialized, episodic storytelling is important, because it gives a sense of agency back?
A big roadblock for the trans community has had a lot to do with the fact that we're not telling our own stories, but it also is about sheer numbers. The challenge for trans people is that our numbers are so small in comparison to the rest of the population. We've always been seen as a minority, but now people are beginning to see in the trans experience the universal experience.

Would you say that the experience of living trans is being normalized for the public?
Well, it's not our job to normalize our lives for anyone. In reality, it's everybody else's job to catch up with us.

Is that what you see happening now? 
Well, I think we definitely saw that with Janet Mock having her showdown with Piers Morgan, in which the discourse was elevated about the usual.

The discourse being how Janet Mock was speaking to Morgan?
Right, I mean Mock talking fairly sophisticated gender theory, and I wouldn't call her radical, but she's certainly speaking in a very sophisticated way about the nuances of gender. And she's didn't put up with the traditional boloney.

What makes these events most notable is that the medium, and the way they were largely shared and digested, was through the internet. Is it easier to change to the narrative when the medium itself has yet to be fully formed?
It may be that these new forms are less conservative than traditional network television. And you're right, it's probably not an accident that all these things are taking place on something other than the three or four traditional networks. However, I am old-fashioned enough to say that there is the simple thing that the writing is better [on shows like Transparent and Orange Is the New Black.] To me, it goes to the writing and to the characters.

So it's the quality of these stories being told more than it is that way they're being seen?
The writing for Laverne's character on OITNB is very good. Janet Mock is a talented writer, and her book is very good. And that's what makes the difference. It's the written word, the stories themselves and the language being used to tell these stories-that's what's changing. But also, not every trans person is going to be Janet Mock or Laverne or Carmen. Those are three drop-dead gorgeous women and it's wonderful to have them signifying for us, but it is also true that there are plenty of trans women who struggle to pass in the world.

RuPaul came under fire for his use of a transphobic slur on his reality show, RuPaul's Drag Race. What does it mean when a show with as inclusive a tilt as that is still not able to participate in the conversation surrounding transphobia in a progressive manner? 
I won't speak for Ru or for Janet, but the great thing about drag is it's theatrical, performative exaggeration. It has a life-affirming comic energy. But it has almost nothing in common with the real lives of trans women, whose lives are not a party, whose dignity is not a cartoon. If people short on clues watch Drag Race and think it represents any reality of trans women's lives, that's a real problem.

Does the recent RuPaul's Drag Race trans slur perpetuate some sort of an already existent disconnect between the gay community and the trans community?  
There are always going to be fissures when you try to sustain an alliance of differently minded people. In the 1970s, there was a real question as to whether gay men and lesbians, for instance, shared a common goal. It is natural for allies to be at serious odds now and again. In time, the dream of a more just world always brings people together. 

So what will it take? Where does progress go from here? If 2014 is such banner years, what is next?
Trans people write memoirs everyday of the week. And I can tell you that because they send them to me every week. There's a reason these stories are getting through, and it's because of the power of good storytelling. We all struggle to be known as the people we know ourselves to be. And there is no more effective an agent for culture change than storytelling.

Follow Rod Bastanmehr  on T​w​itter.

How to Get People Talking About Climate Change

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Photo via Flickr user  torbakh​opper

This post originally appeared on VICE UK

Climate change denial is mercifully rare, with those who enjoy second-guessing scientific opinion from a position of ignorance in a dwindling minority. But climate change is still an inconvenient truth even for those who believe in it. Like Louise Mensch's Twitter profile, it would be a lot easier on everyone if it would just go away, and so people don't like to engage with it in a meaningful way. That's despite the fact that it's an issue that could change the world beyond recognition, making large areas uninhabitable, causing resource wars, massive migration and starvation, and nobody's really doing a whole lot about it.

To counteract this inertia, climate change campaigners have pulled plenty of tricks to attract public attention--but most of them have failed miserably to connect with ordinary people.

I work for the Climate Outreach and Information Network (COIN), a UK-based charity which focuses on building wider societal support for climate change. Here's an idea of what we get up to, through the kind of sound bite we use in presentations: "We see the issue as being more about the science of communication than the communication of science."

Last week we released a new report. Bizarrely, it was the first to ask how climate change could be communicated more effectively from the perspective of 18- to 25-year-olds. Compiling the report told us a lot about how to get people to care about climate change, and how not to achieve that. So, here are some things we should consider when trying to convince ourselves and others to give a shit about probably the most important issue in the entire world:

THIS ISN'T GONNA BE EASY

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Public information campaign by the Department of Energy and Climate Change

One popular tactic has been to try and ease people into the issue gently. If overhauling the global energy supply and reconfiguring our economic systems seems a little overwhelming, why not start by unplugging your phone charger instead?

This seasonally themed p​amphlet from the UK government's Department for Energy and Climate Change illustrates perfectly why the "simp​le and painless" approach has unsurprisingly backfired.

People are not stupid. If climate change really is a game-changer, the defining issue of the 21st century that will require global cooperation on a scale never-before witnessed, then switching the TV off standby hardly seems a proportionate response. It's like saying that by merely taking that first step of logging out of Facebook, your day's work will suddenly be complete.

Top tips for saving energy might make a neat social media campaign, but there's no evidence that reusing plastic bags leads people to consider eating less meat or lobbying their politician for a carbon tax, which are both massively more consequential in terms of climate change.

YOU CAN'T FORCE PEOPLE TO BE SCARED

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This Changes Everything: Capitalism Vs the Climate  trailer

Whilst you shouldn't patronize people with baby steps, you shouldn't freak them out either. Strangely, the proliferation of "ten easy ways to tackle climate change" type lists reached its peak at the height of public concern about climate change, just before the "Hopenhagen" UN negotiations in 2009. These were widely billed by campaigners as the "last chance to save the world," but when the negotiations failed to deliver (and the world didn't end), supporters were left feeling deflated. Campaigners vowed not to make the same mistakes again, to renounce the hyperbole that left them so vulnerable, and to avoid the "scare tactics" that for most people are simply a turnoff.

Scary stories about the world we'll leave for our children, and apocalyptic prophesies of a scorched Earth have repeatedly fallen on deaf ears. But while graphics of a burni​ng globe (a classic environmentalist image of old) are no longer part of most campaigners' armories, the leading journalist Naomi Klein's new book, This Changes Everything: Capitalism Vs the Climate revives some of the rhetoric.

Klein describes climate change as an existential crisis for the human race, arguing that we are now in such dire straits that there are no non-radical options left if we want to prevent dangerous and deeply unjust impacts on people and planet.

While her position is completely legitimate, we've been here before. Despite the revolutionary rhetoric and demands for climate justice, the international political community failed to deliver in 2009, the issue began to abruptly polarize along partisan lines in many English speaking nations, and everyone else went back to sleep.

Its not that climate change isn't something to be scared about--Klein's analysis is grounded in fact. But most people don't feel scared yet. And the lesson from the psychological research is that you can't force people to feel frightened, no matter how hard you try.

LIVE IN THE NOW

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Melting ice at Copenhagen City Hall Square. Photo courtesy of  Anders Sune Berg/Group Greenland)

One problem is that for most people in the Western world, climate change is "not here and not now." In other words the problem is that it's not a problem, yet. This "psychological distance" throws a disarmingly comforting veil over it: we can't see it, or touch it, so it might as well not be there.

Last week as hundreds of scientists were putting the finishing touches to the final  ​re​port of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, the body that summarizes the latest scientific research for politicians (coincidentally also in Copenhagen), artists​ placed 100 tons of melting ice in the town hall square, to try and bring the urgency of the situation to life. But research has found that images like these only serve to emphasize that climate change has no relevance to our everyday lives. Who identifies with a lump of melting ice?

Also falling into the "not here not now category" is climate change denial: Nobody has taken those cranks seriously since about ten years ago, so spending ages proving climate change deniers wrong is a waste of time.

BREAK OUT OF THE GHETTO

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A cyclist navigated the floods in Somerset earlier this year. Photo by Jake Lewis

Campaigns need to beathe a sense of social identity into the subject. That means giving up on the tired environmentalist clichés that scream "someone else's problem" is the first step. Technocratic jargon about "carbon budgets" is not a language most people speak.

People want to hear about specific policies, not just vague invitations to support "more ambitious climate action." Widely-used campaign jargon is unfamiliar and off-putting. Phrases like "managing climate risks" and "decarbonization" are understandably seen as hollow and vague. So tell people you think your house would be less freezing and expensive to heat if the government subsidized you to get some double-glazing, and that your town needs a new damn to stop it flooding. Not that you reckon we should "maximize energy efficiency" and "mitigate water based weather potentialities."

***

Overall, people need to have a sense of ownership over climate change from the language used right through to the types of policies being debated. This means telling human stories that show the diversity of people who have a stake in climate change, not dishing out dry descriptions of climate impacts in a far-away continent. Although we're told that this is the defining issue of the 21st century, there's nothing in the social signals we get from our friends, family or politicians that backs it up. This social invisibility allows climate change to hide in plain sight, which makes it the ultimate elephant in the room.

For sure, talking about climate change is not enough to solve the problem on its own. But if we're going to get past the melting lumps of ice, the farcical requests to fiddle with our dimmer switches, and the prophecies of impending doom, then catalyzing conversations about climate change that go beyond the usual suspects is a crucial first step.

Follow Adam Corner on ​Tw​itter

Why Are Rap Lyrics Being Used as Evidence in Court?

Selfie Sticks, Decapitated Babies, and a Party Bus: Halloween in Tokyo

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This post originally appeared on VICE UK

Before I flew out here, someone told me that Halloween isn't that big of a deal in Japan. I had a feeling they might be wrong, a feeling compounded by the reams of Halloween bunting strewn all over my hotel an entire three weeks before October 31.

Sure enough, this past Friday the inhabitants, day-trippers, and drunken tourists of central Tokyo collectively lost their minds, marauding around the sake-soaked district of Roppongi dressed as decapitated babies, goth nuns and, in one case, some kind of Chippendale Batman. I walked around Roppongi, as well as the backstreets of Shibuya and Shinjuku, pointing my camera at everyone. Here are some of my favorite photos.

See more of Dan's photos on his ​web​site and ​blo​g.

VICE News: What We're Leaving Behind - Part 1

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As foreign forces withdraw from Afghanistan, violence is increasing. Fighting between the Afghan security forces and the Taliban is chaotic and often indiscriminate, and civilian casualties are rising, as Afghans pay the price for the West's failures.

In part one, VICE News correspondent Ben Anderson visited an NGO-operated hospital in Lashkar Gah, one of only two in the Helmand province, to speak with the medical staff as they attempt to manage the ever-growing influx of patients.


Meet the Green Party Candidate Shaking Up the Race for New York Governor

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"It's almost like we have a battered-woman syndrome," Ramon Jimenez told me last week, stumping below the elevated tracks of the 6 train at the Parkchester station in the Bronx. Jimenez, the Green Party's candidate for New York attorney general, was discussing the challenges third parties face in wooing away the Democratic Party's traditional base: blacks, Latinos, women, young people, unions, environmentalists.

"They make us promises," Jimenez said. "They break their promises. They beat us up. Then they come back, make us more promises, and beat us up again."

Howie Hawkins, the Green Party's candidate for governor, stood at Ramon's side. This was his last stop in New York City before heading upstate for a final round of campaigning ahead of the vote. Dressed in a gray suit, his white beard neatly trimmed, Hawkins dispensed fliers while Jimenez and a cluster of supporters shouted things like "Meet your next governor!" at passersby.

"I'm the only candidate who wants to ban fracking," Hawkins told me. "The only candidate who wants a $15-an-hour minimum wage and single-payer health care. The only candidate who says it's time to tax the rich and get some tax relief for working people. I'm calling for a transition to renewable energy over the next 15 years, a Green New Deal that will create millions of jobs."

Despite his bold ideas, Hawkins is a pretty mild-mannered guy. For most of the campaign, he's held on to his night job at a UPS depot in Syracuse, although he took time off in the spring when a hernia allowed him to collect disability. "Where doctors saw a hernia, Howie saw an opportunity," Mike O'Neil, a field organizer for the Hawkins campaign, joked to me at the time.

Even though Hawkins doesn't constitute any real threat to his main opponent, incumbent Democrat Andrew Cuomo, the UPS worker has taken advantage of the governor's dwindling popularity to garner an unusual amount of support, a factor that could bode well for others running outside the confines of the two-party system in the future. Recent polls show Hawkins with around 9 percent of the vote, numbers that aren't even close to enough to win the election, but also aren't bad, considering Cuomo entered the race with $33.5 million at h​is disposal, while Howie's campaign told me he has raised just $160,000 throughout the entire election period. In October alone, Cuomo's campaign spent $2.​3 million on television advertising, according to recent filings, while Hawkins has only been able to muster one television​ ad.

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Support for Hawkins may very well have grown since those polls were taken, thanks to his performance at the only scheduled gubernatorial race last month. Cuomo and his Republican challenger, Westchester County Commissioner Rob Astorino, spent the entire debate bickering: Cuomo pointed out that Astorino is the subject of a federal investigation for housing segregation, and Astorino fired back that Cuomo is also under investigation for dismantling the state's anti-corruption commission. Hawkins, meanwhile, used the debate to introduce voters to the Green Party platform, and his campaign hopes that the introduction to voters might prevent Cuomo from getting the landslide win he enjoyed in 2010.

"We're going to come up with the largest numbers for a third party in the history of New York," boasted Jimenez, "or at least that have been seen in a long, long while."

The last time a left-wing third party gave New York Democrats any serious trouble was all the way back in 1886, when unions formed the Independent Labor Party and ran a Christian Socialist by the name of Henry George for New York City mayor against Abram Hewitt, the Tammany Hall political machine's choice. George lost, receiving a third of the votes counted, but as Lance Selfa notes in his book The Democrats: A Critical History, there were reports of ballot boxes floating down the East River on election day.

In all likelihood, Hawkins will fall well shy of winning a third of the electorate, but he is siphoning off a good chunk of the progressive vote, reflecting widespread dissatisfaction with Cuomo among the more liberal elements of the Democratic base. Both the AFL-CIO and the United Federation of Teachers, two powerful unions in the state, have declined to endors​e Cuomo because of his record of public-sector layoffs and pension cuts. And environmentalists have been hounding the governor over concerns he'll open up the state's Marcellus Shale region to hydraulic fracturing--not a far-fetched fear given reports the Cuomo administration delayed and altered a US Geological Su​rvey study that had warned that the advanced drilling process could contaminate New York's drinking water with methane.

The Cuomo campaign did not respond to requests for a comment on this article. His website is relatively vague when it comes to providing specific policy proposals for his second term. He's hardly campaigned at all this year, limiting his public appearances to late-night talk shows, a trip to Israel, and a nationwide book tour to promote his new memoir.

In territory Cuomo has abandoned, Hawkins has been determined to pick up ground. In an op-​ed titled "Why Waste Vote Whe​n​ Hawkins Is Alternative," the Chief, the state's public-employee newspaper, endorsed Hawkins, as have four Democratic clubs and six teachers unions. Meanwhile, the Working Families Party, the Green Party's primary rival for liberal third-party votes in New York, decided to back Cuomo this year, as they did in 2010, a decision that was widely criticized among their base.

Hawkins, however, is not the only candidate who has challenged Cuomo from the left in this election. Aiming to reverse the Working Families Party tendency of backing Democratic candidates,  ​Zephyr T​eachout, a Fordham University law professor, sought and lost the party's endorsement in June. She went on to run as a Democrat in the September primary, winning 34 percent of the vote. Now that she's out of the running, Hawkins hopes Teachout's supporters will turn to him.

"I'm the only progressive option left on the ballot," he said. He sees himself as a representative of the grassroots forces that have emerged outside the ballot box on the left, like the Occupy Wall Street Movement, and more recently, the nationwide progressive campaign to raise the minimum wage.

"Politics is a process, not one event," Hawkins said. "Win or loose on Election Day, we'll take the votes we get and let them be our calling card going forward."

Yet, if Howie and other third-party candidates succeed in shaking up the political system, it might not be by wooing Democrats or Republicans to their side, but by bringing in those who currently don't participate in the process at all. In the 2012 election, fewer than 60 percent of eligible voters cast ballots, and even fewer are expected to vote in this year's midterms. Third-party candidates like Hawkins argue that if more people voted, their ballots could be enough to tip any election.

"It's not only that people are disgusted," Hawkins mused. "They feel powerless. They say, 'Why bother? I can't make any changes anyway.'"

That certainly seemed to be the sentiment of 25-year-old Brian Perez, who stood smoking a Black & Mild, casually watching Howie and his entourage pass out flyers in the Bronx last week. When I asked him which candidate he planned to vote for, Perez mistook me for a member of the Hawkins campaign. "I'm not into that, man," he said, "but good luck."

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Jian Ghomeshi’s Implosion Was Overdue

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Image ​via Flickr user cfccreates.​

​​In only a week, Jian Ghomeshi has gone from being the darling of Canada's prestigious CBC Radio establishment to a publicly maligned outcast with the allegations of more than nine women demolishing his reputation. But for many of us who live in Toronto, and have friends in media or the music industry, these allegations were already floating around as whisper and rumour. Women I know have been warning each other about Ghomeshi for years.

Now as the calamity of exposing Ghomeshi continues to unfold, we've learned that there was a woman working for Q who alleges Ghomeshi told her he wanted to "hatefuck" her. We also learned abo​ut an allegat​ion today, on Jesse Brown's Canadaland podcast, from a former Q producer who claims Ghomeshi grabbed a woman from behind and "[dry] humped her... four or five times... with a big smile on his face" in the workplace. That same producer also alleges that he was told a rumour from an executive producer at Q pertaining to Ghomeshi choking a woman.

Beyond that, Western University had been warning their students not to take internships at Q because of Ghomeshi'​s lecherous and abusive reputation. A lecturer from UWO told the Star the ban on Q internships arose after Ghomeshi "prey(ed) on a young grad who wanted to work (at Q)."

If these rumours had drifted over to London, Ontario, and were credible enough to stop students from pursuing internships at Q, the questions becomes: why did it take so long for all of this to surface? What's wrong with the CBC that they weren't able to put two and two together and discipline their rising star in the face of alleged complaints? Or at the very least, launch an investigation into the veracity of these claims. An executive producer at CBC claims that Brown's reporting on a Q staffer complaining to her bosses is not t​rue, but Brown maintains he has evidence to the contrary.

Even looking as far back as Ghomeshi's awful, embarrassing band from the 90s Moxy Fruvous, the allegations from that time period are now also surfacing. On Reddit, a thread went up shortly after the Toronto Star unleashed several stories about Ghomeshi, where users are sharing th​eir stories of being harassed by Ghomeshi as teen girls. Then there's the video, which was posted yesterday of Ghomeshi in the 90s, where he derides his fans who "make him sick" as subhuman "bugs" that he has zero respect for.

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While being a creep to teen girls, and a dick to your fans well over a decade ago still doesn't prove the allegations of the nine women last week, the picture this paints of Ghomeshi and the mountain of allegations against him is incredibly damaging.

Even though the amount of allegations has rapidly increased over the past week, and the Toronto Police are now involved, it has not yet been proven that Ghomeshi has done any of the things he is being accused of. Flawed as it may be, we have no other choice but to let the criminal justice system handle these allegations as they come. Especially now that Ghomeshi's career has been shattered.

We at VICE Canada had to confront the problem of handling anonymous sources, who had allegations about Jian Ghomeshi, head-on in September. Back then, we were approached by Jesse Brown, a freelance reporter who is now widely known for exposing the allegations about Jian Ghomeshi along with the Toronto Star. During our meeting, Brown brought VICE Canada a set of graphic and disturbing accounts that he was looking to publish--in the form of interview transcripts and audio recordings. Brown had approached us because (at that time) his story was put on ice by the Toronto Star. He was looking for a new media partner.

The allegations that Brown initially gathered, which are now widely known as they have been published by the Toronto Star, detail a history of allegedly abusive and violent behaviour at the hands of Jian Ghomeshi against numerous women.

At the time, while these allegations were believable and credible despite coming from anonymous sources, they were not substantial enough to responsibly publish a story. As Michael Cooke, the editor of the Toronto Star, wrote in​ his explanation of why they published their first story about Jian:

"The reason The Star did not publish a story at that time was because there was no proof the women's allegations of non-consensual abusive sex were true or false. They were so explosive that to print them would have been irresponsible, and would have fallen far short of the Star's standards of accuracy and fairness."

We felt the same way as the Toronto Star, as any other approach would be irresponsible and reckless. VICE was also in the unfortunate position of not having full access to Brown's sources (as the Star did).

That all changed when Ghomeshi presente​d graphic, personal sex tapes to his bosses at the CBC, which in his mind, proved that his violent behaviour was consensual. He did so because he mistakenly believed that Jesse Brown was about to publish a story about Ghomeshi's allegedly violent behaviour, after Brown mentioned a forthcoming "monster" story on his podcast. Brown maintains he was alluding to a story about CBC withholding information about CSEC, our nation's cybersurveillance agency, and not the Ghomeshi story.

Regardless, Ghomeshi's graphic sex tapes unsurprisingly led the CBC to fire him. He also showed them lewd text messages "on a CBC-ow​ned phone," which also forced their hand. All of that sparked Ghomeshi's ill-advised, revelatory Facebook post. Ghomeshi's poor decisions with his bosses and on his own Facebook page gave the Star the supporting information they needed to publish the allegations Brown and Kevin Donovan had gathered, which they were previously unable to do without major legal liability along with risking their story being discredited.

The stories of two women, Lucy De​Couture and ​Reva Se​th​, who came forward to publicly publish their allegations of being abused by Ghomeshi are arguably the most believable. But their on-the-record testimonials have also exposed the problem of trusting anonymous sources, who may have stunning information to share, but are rightfully concerned about their own personal well-being. This conflict prevents many people, who hold secret and/or explosive information, from revealing their identities to the public.

Seth confronted this problem directly in an op-ed in the Huffington​ Post, where she wanted her actions to serve as a lesson to her young sons, that would make "them understand when they are older that a woman shouldn't be made to feel ashamed of something a man does to her without her consent."

Hopefully the bravery of Seth, DeCouture, and all of the other women who came forward will encourage others in the future to do the same. If we can remove or at least dent the climate of fear that develops when a woman wants to reveal that a powerful man has abused her, then perhaps in the future allegations can come out much faster.

And yet, despite the bravery of DeCouture, Seth, and the many others who spoke out anonymously, the apparent hubris of Jian Ghomeshi is extraordinary. Despite rumours swirling out in the open, alleged workplace complaints being filed against him in the CBC, a Twitter account dating back to April ​th​at accused Ghomeshi of assaulting Carleton University students, and the country's most-circulated newspaper actively working on an expose about his allegedly abusive behaviour, Ghomeshi was the ultimate architect of his demise.

Ghomeshi's agency in his own downfall exposes the disheartening reality about the nature of sexual abuse allegations: they are very, very hard to prove. If all of the women who have come forward are to be believed, Ghomeshi was able to get away with his misconduct for a very long time. Why the CBC was not able to act sooner is a gravely serious question that will hopefully be answered by their ongoing investigation into the matter. But more importantly, it speaks to the amount of insulation an abusive but powerful man can receive once they've become the golden boy of their institution.

The unraveling of Jian Ghomeshi is a mess, that would not have been realized were it not for Ghomeshi's presumably repulsive home videos and text messages that he voluntarily showed to his bosses. Rumours are abound as to whether or not he is even in Canada anymore (doubtful that he is, as leaving his house in Toronto is likely a dangerous endeavour these days), but a newly-opened police investigation may lead to charges. If he is in the United States, an extradition could be the next major story.

But, what's important (a fac​t that was made cryst​al-clear to me by a friend and fellow journalist, after I pointed out Ghomeshi's "imploding career" would smoke-screen Harper's new terror laws) is not the drama surrounding Jian Ghomeshi himself. It's the systemic reality surrounding the women who brought forward their stories about Ghomeshi, which has kept these allegations shrouded in darkness for too long.

The fear of being harassed and discredited by Ghomeshi and his fans, felt by the women who obviously did not want to come forward before, is a real problem. When your adversary is the star voice of Canada's public broadcaster, who has the power of a massive audience to sway public opinion (Ghomeshi's original heartstring-tugging Facebook post received over 110,000 Facebook likes), bringing forward damaging allegations can be a self-destructive prospect. The legal fees alone could be ruinous.

But if the Ghomeshi situation is as bad as it looks, he has been able to leverage his reputation to meet women, and then to keep them quiet. The lack of power held by the women in all of these alleged situations needs to be addressed, though they are certainly subverting that power dynamic now. Hopefully as the Toronto Police's investigation unfolds, these women can gain some closure.

​​@patrickmcguire

The Art of Smack: Graham MacIndoe's 'All In'

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When the photographer and fine artist Graham MacIndoe found a batch of about 30 heroin bags in his personal storage, he was understandably a bit alarmed. He had been an addict years ago, and finding them threw him off. Although he had ideas about using them for art, he was hesitant to take them out of storage and back to his studio, as he would risk being arrested for possession of drug paraphernalia. After the last time he was arrested several years ago, MacIndoe spent four months in Rikers Island, which eventually led him to rehab. He's been clean ever since.

Later, MacIndoe found a second batch of about 50 to 60 glassine bags stashed in a book. He decided to bring them to his studio along with the others, and when he got them there, he laid them out in front of him. A flood of memories came back: "I got these flashbacks of who used to sell what and where, the dealers, the users, all the people, places and things from that time. I wondered whether the dealer or addict was dead, or had been arrested, some very visceral moments came back to me. It was a real jolt to my memory, as I had put that all in the past," Graham told me. The result of all this is All In: Buying int​o the Drug Trade, a book of images of the baggies that he collected over the course of his addiction.

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I was speaking to him over the phone while he was visiting his parents in Scotland. He had a meeting with the National Portrait Gallery and a shoot in London; he's teaching at Parsons the New School for Design's Paris campus for the summer. He's killing it, but he's not afraid to admit that it hasn't always been this way.

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During his addiction, Graham lost touch with family and friends. Acquaintances thought he'd disappeared, or died. "Being an addict was more work than having a full-time job, it consumed me every hour of the day and night there was no down time," Graham said. However, despite its intense grip on his life, he kept his artistic vision intact. He recently published carefully constructed self-portraits of his journey as an addict. 

"In some ways, my addiction fed my creativity and my creativity fed my addiction," Graham reflected. "There's a thin line between passion and obsession. I've always been very passionate about art, music, and photography. But when I fell into addiction, drugs became my obsession." 

As a result, Graham kept using but also kept photographing, documenting, and collecting the bags he bought.

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"I didn't know what I'd do with them, but I was completely mesmerized by the designs, typography, and cultural references used in the marketing of the bags. I really wanted to keep them as a visual reference of that period, not even knowing if I'd get out of addiction."

The marketing behind heroin is powerful and works well. Just like wanting the best cup of coffee, or the best cellphone, people want the best heroin. "People will walk the extra mile," Graham told me. "They will walk on foot to wherever it is to get the best product.

"Certain brands like 'Ray' or 'Execute' were always quality and people would look far and wide for it.  One baggie of good stuff could last 12 hours; if you're buying shit stuff that's been cut too often then you need it every four hours or sometimes more. In general, 'good' drugs means it lasts longer so you spend less money, and there's less chance of getting arrested on the streets."

During those years Graham traveled all over New York to purchase heroin. He would go to people's homes or street corners in the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens, and different parts of Manhattan--anywhere to find the best brands.

He also quickly understood that drug dealing was driven by greed. "Even though when something first came out of the market, it might have been really good, as time went on it'd get weaker," he said. "Right when you went to find a new dealer he'd come out with something new and say they had a new brand called 'Wake Up' or 'Money' or 'Highlife' or whatever, and it's essentially the same drug except it hadn't been cut and it had been re-packaged."

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The brands of heroin in the book are only representation of heroin in New York,  as branding varies from coast to coast. The bags not only represent a time and a place, but also represent something that may be on the brink of disappearing. Graham recently heard that the DEA has been logging and tracking the brands of heroin so the federal agency can build a database of what's being sold where and focus there drug busts based on what drugs are being sold in specific areas.

"I am taking something that was destructive to me and repurposing it, making it fine art," Graham said. "I think it has its place as a comment on popular culture and what is going on in New York during those years."

Graham MacIndoe's book ​All In: Buying into the Drug Trade was recently published by Little Big Man Books. Order it ​he​re.

This Man Is Looking for a Woman with His Ex's Name to Travel Around the World With

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Is your name Elizabeth Gallagher? Are you Canadian and interested in a trip around the world? Are you OK going on that trip with a recently dumped man whose ex-girlfriend was also named Elizabeth Gallagher? HAVE WE GOT AN OFFER FOR YOU!

OK, OK, I know how it sounds. But Jordan Axani, 27, is really in a bind. Last March, the Torontonian planned an extensive around-the-world trip with his girlfriend, a vegan baker named Liz Gallagher. Then the two broke up. And in a twist straight out of next winter's big Christmas romcom, he can't change the name on any of the tickets, so anyone using them would have to have a Canadian passport and the same name as his ex. He's not asking potential Lizes to stay with him, or even sightsee together, although he "will buy the first round of vino at JFK upon departure." Traveling Gallaghers would merely be following the same itinerary--the only place they'd be guaranteed to see Axani would be on flights between destinations.

The trip is free. He's not looking for romance, money, sex, drugs, or even selfies. "The only thing I ask is that you enjoy this trip and that it bring you happiness." Later in the statement Axani expresses his hope that the lucky Liz will "pay it forward" later in life, in her own way.

Axani first posted the offer  ​to Red​dit and Imgur yesterday, and it's very quickly picking up speed on Twitter, Facebook, and just about everywhere Elizabeth Gallaghers can be found. We got in touch with Axani to talk more about this proposition in between frantically Googling "Jordan Axani nice person?" and "Canadian name change amount of time + forms."

VICE: Can you tell me a bit about yourself?
​Jordan Axani: Why, sure. I'm a fairly standard late-20s guy living in downtown Toronto. I work in real estate development, but dabble with visual art, music, and nonprofit work. I travel a ton, like me some talk radio, and enjoy the hilarity that this Reddit post has turned into.

Do you travel a lot?
Absolutely, I think there are few things more thrilling than realizing (over and over again) how small you really are, and traveling makes that resoundingly so. I'm getting into the swing of traveling more often, doing two or three international trips a year.

So what was the original plan?
​A year ago, I decided that I was going to spend virtually every cent I made on traveling the world until settling down with kids, etc. I've been on a bunch of great trips already over the past year, but this one is the best and was booked spontaneously during a big pricing error on Priceline. You could basically fly from NYC to Milan, and then from Prague to anywhere in Asia, for a steal of a deal. Needless to say, we jumped on it as a Christmas present to ourselves.

And then the relationship ended. What happened there? Any hard feelings?
​No comment. Suffice to say that she's an incredible person and remains a great friend.

How gentlemanly. What's the itinerary of this trip?
​December 21: NYC - Milan
​December 28: Prague - Paris
​December 29: Paris - Bangkok
​January 7: Bangkok - New Delhi
​January 8: New Delhi - Toronto
​There's the possibility of extending time in New Delhi, but only if both tickets are extended.

Anyone biting so far?
​Yes, but no bites that will work. A couple people with the same or very similar name have gotten in touch, but all have other commitments during the trip. We'll see what all this media attention will bring in.

Are you getting a lot of media requests?
I haven't been able to keep up with the phone calls from reporters today. I was so not expecting this at all. But hey, I think there's a positive story here, and it's great people are interested.

What do you think people are responding to?
I think the idea that we can take what would otherwise be a sad situation and make it into something adventurous and positive.

It's a pretty wild idea. What made you decide to do this?
​For months I had no idea what to do with the other ticket. Over dinner on Saturday night, some friends asked me, "What's going to happen with the other ticket on that big-ass trip of yours?" Someone suggested that I should make a post on Craigslist or Facebook and see if I could find anyone with the same name--and here we are. Ultimately, the ticket will literally go to waste if I can't find someone. It's not worth the headache or money to cancel the flights with all the different airlines. I'd like to think this is my own way of putting some good karma out in the world.

What would be your dream outcome?
​That someone will be able to put the ticket to good use by seeing parts of the world they've always wanted to see, but maybe haven't been able to. My hope is that it'll be an epic life experience that they'll tell their kids about one day.

To be fair, this sounds like exactly a romantic-comedy premise. Are you maybe even seeeecretly hoping to fall in love, a bit?
​Not at all. We'll save that part for when the Hollywood writers get a hold of the story.

What qualities would you hope this traveling Elizabeth Gallagher would have?
​Hopefully someone sane, smart, and interesting, as per the Reddit post. Someone who's always wanted to travel but maybe couldn't afford to or hasn't had the opportunity.

And lastly, as due diligence for all the curious but nervous Liz Gallaghers out there: Are you a serial killer?
​Nope, promise.

Good news for all of us. So how should interested Liz's get in touch?
​Send me a message ​ throu​gh the Reddit post. Looking forward to seeing what happens!

Follow Monica Heisey on ​Twitter.

This Young Artist Is Obsessed with the Naked Bodies of Older Women

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It Was The Sound Of Their Feet, 2014. All images © Aleah Chapin, Courtesy of Flowers Gallery, London and New York

This post originally appeared on VICE UK

Heavy breasts, crepe-like skin, and thinning pubes; there is a silence laid across women's bodies that screams along the corridors and white walls of most galleries. Painters, photographers, and sculptors simply will not admit what lies beneath our clothes: the scars and wrinkles, the moles and rolls, the coarse black hairs and blue-veined skin. Which is, of course, one of the reasons that Aleah Chapin's 2012 BP Award-winning work, ​Auntie, a super-realistic painting of a nude older lady, was felt by good old Brian Sewell to be "​repellent... a grotesque medical record." It's also why his  exhibition at London's Flowers Gallery has garnered so much attention.

It's hard to stand beneath the towering figures of nine naked aged and aging women crawling through each others' legs without, at least in some small way, being shocked. But according to the UN the number of older people is expected to more than double, from 841 million in 2013 to more than 2 billion in 2050. And that age group is predominantly female--100 women to every 85 men. So, what we're looking at on the walls of Cork Street isn't really shocking. It's the future.

We spoke to the artist from New York to find out why she wanted to paint this photorealistic vision of female-ness and whether she ever thinks to herself: Does this look like a nipple?

VICE: There's a bit of an invisible-woman syndrome in Britain and America; we simply don't see middle aged or older women. We ignore them in the street and sweep them out of popular culture. Is that a silence you wanted to speak into with these paintings?
Aleah ChapinIf you look in any museum, how many images of middle aged or older women do you see? Let alone naked. You can understand a lot about how a culture sees its people through the art it makes. It was pretty amazing how many women talked to me about that invisible syndrome.

A woman's history is marked on her body. Do you feel like you have to know the journey a woman has been on before you can paint her?
So far I've only painted people that I know. But so much does show through a body that I wouldn't necessarily need to know the facts of their biography to know their history. Or at least get a sense of who they are. How you stand, the lines on your face, your scars, marks, sun spots, wrinkles; I might not know exactly where all those things come from, but they give me a sense of the kind of life you've lived.

Women are not supposed to show that they've lived. They're meant to be flawless and smooth, which is quite unrealistic. It's bullshit. We've come pretty far in terms of our rights and what we can do: We can join the army, be lawyers, have children and work... and yet that expectation of what we should look like hasn't moved on.  Men are allowed to have scars and gray hair because it's considered sexy. It shows power, that he's a warrior.

Whereas a Caesarean scar, a war wound in itself, doesn't have that cultural association?
No. Exactly.

Did you grow up in an environment where you saw older naked women?
I grew up in a very tight-knit community, with lots of people who were hippies back in the day. They're very connected to the earth and comfortable with their bodies. I definitely did not grow up in a nudist colony--people weren't naked all the time--they were just more comfortable with themselves.

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Jumanji and Gwen, 2014

​Zephyr is probably your most confrontational piece, not because she's aggressive, but because she's sexy.
It's probably my only super sexy painting, and it came completely from the woman. It's not me imposing an idea. I didn't say, "Look sexy--we were just playing and that came out. It felt kind of ambiguous; it's like she's blowing a kiss but she's also confrontational because she's looking you in the eye.

You paint from photos. Do you photograph the women in your studio?
No, generally outside. That's what I prefer. Although I can't do that in New York City.

What, really? Up in Sugar Hill? Just getting naked in the park?
Oh, I wish. No. On this island where I grew up there are lots of woods and places that are quite private. Outdoor light is beautiful, and there's also something about the way that people act when they're naked in nature. There's a bit of vulnerability, but also this strength because you're completely in the landscape and no one's really looking at you. Except for me.

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Lucy and Laszlo 2, 2014

How do you actually make one of your paintings?
I take hundreds of photos, then make selections about what I want to portray. After I've shown the woman which one I want to use, I go right in and start painting. I don't do small studies because I'm really impatient. I don't like to project [onto the canvas] or do anything like that because I still enjoy the struggle with hand-eye coordination. With the really big ones I'll grid it, maybe one foot by one foot. Then I just start painting layer after layer until it comes to life. I know it's done when it feels like it's breathing.

When you're working on a big painting, in these tiny brushstrokes, how often do you step back and think, "That's a nipple," or "That's a shoulder"?
As often as possible. I try to stand back and make sure it's all coming together because when I'm painting it's kind of like an abstract form. I'm not always thinking: Does that look like a nipple? Sometimes it feels like I'm sculpting.

With your two paintings of Gwen--the one on her own and one with Jumanji--the use of color is very different. What made you do that?
I wish I could say it was a super conscious decision, but I don't always know what's going to happen. The one where it's just Gwen, I knew that I wanted this feeling of complexity, of layers. When I was working on it I actually went through a couple of different ideas of what to surround her with. I was seeing this conversation between her body and the bramble behind her; between those two patterns.

That bright yellow in Jumanji and Gwen is quite out of character for me. But the two colors in the background, I felt like I was craving them. It was deep winter in New York, but where I come from in Washington it was beginning to be spring. There's something about that bright yellow; it's like daffodils, or maybe a cornfield, or a mustard field. And I was craving it with that deep, dense, dark gray sky.

With Gwen, you capture the asymmetry and movement of women's bodies so well. As a painter is that more interesting to you than the static ideal?
Yes, especially in a painting like that where it's a single figure and a very simple pose. It's all about that asymmetry, because that's what a body is. That's where I find the beauty in people. That's one of the reasons I paint so realistically, to capture that quality.

That quality is particularly evident in something like It Was the Sound of Their Feet. Did you take that initial photo outside? What was the atmosphere like?
Incredibly playful. They were just playing this game of going through each others' legs and becoming the tunnel. It was just silly. And then suddenly I realized it was this incredible metaphor for life. Sometimes you're going through the tunnel and then you become part of the tunnel itself. Each part is vital.


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The Air Was Full, 2014

You're 28. Do you feel that this period between 27 and 30 is very transformative? Like it's when you understand what it is to be in a woman in a different way?
I think so. All my friends are getting married and having children, or choosing not to have children, so it feels like a shift; we're working out where we want our lives to go. But we're also at the age our parents were when when we were created, when they began our lives.

There's a theory that women's bodies absorb more light than men's because we need to produce more calcium for pregnancy and things. Painters have always talked about women's softness, their luminous quality, and used that to explain why there are so many more female nudes than male nudes in art. How do you feel that your work interacts with that argument?
I know that I started to paint women's bodies because I can relate to them. But also, so much of art history has been about idealized women's bodies. I wanted to fill a gap. There's a lot of contemporary artists that present non-idealized bodies--I know I'm not the only person--but generally we don't see this sort of attention being paid to "flaws," presenting them as something gorgeous.

Painting helps me see the beauty in everything. I get to this wonderful place where I'm completely nonjudgemental. All the cultural norms about what's beautiful and what isn't simply go away. I see the beauty in everything, all those so-called imperfections. I love reality.

Aleah Chapin's paintings are at the ​Flowers Gallery, C​ork Street, London until November 8, 2014.

Follow Neil Frizzell on ​Tw​itter



NASA Is Paying Me $18,000 to Lie in Bed for Three Months

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Participant 8179 reporting in on day 21 of bed rest.

I have been in this bed for three weeks now, and I will be here for seven weeks more. Forty-four days ago, I had my last beer, last cup of coffee, last burrito, last walk around the block, and last bit of sunlight on my skin. It's been 66 days since I've seen my girlfriend. In 64, whatever is left of me can go home.

My bed is in the NASA Flight Analog Research Unit in Houston, Texas, where I'm being paid $18,000 to lie down for 70 days while NASA researchers study me. The study, CFT 70 (Countermeasure and Functional Testing in Head-Down Tilt Bed Rest Study) is part of a three-year effort to learn about bone and muscle atrophy in space. There have been 54 patients so far, but the study ends with me. As I lie here, I can't quite decide if I've struck gold with this scheme or if I am just a fool willing to do anything for a stack of cash. Either way, I'll be lying here for a while.

Back in August, I was unexpectedly laid off from my artist manager gig. When I received an offer to join the NASA study the very next day, it seemed like nothing short of fate.  I had applied to the study a year earlier on a whim, assuming I'd never be chosen from the pool of 25,000 applicants and I'd never be able to halt my hectic life for 15 weeks. But then I suddenly found myself with an empty schedule, an offer in hand, and a decision to make: Should I rush to find a new job or become a NASA lab rat? I decided that I needed a break. So I put my life on hold and flew to Houston two weeks later.

Just before joining the NASA study, I had finished my first Ironman race and was used to rigorous training every day. Now, I was about to spend two and a half months bedridden, forbidden to sit up even to take a shit, a nd hoping that my body wouldn't fall apart completely.

As I entered the hospital wing on my first day, the ceiling caught my eye. Hundreds of colorful tiles covered the hallway. Each was uniquely decorated: the Texas Longhorns logo next to a rendition of Dali's Meditative Rose, a space ship orbiting a yin-yang sign, a large plain blue dot, several crucifixes, and a slew of inspirational quotes. Over the past decade of bed rest studies, each test subject left one of these squares behind as a relic of their time here. Each is a 24-inch by 24-inch window into a mind just before rejoining the outside world. On a tile above the doorway to my room was a list of foreboding advice: "Don't get too comfortable pooping at negative six degrees" and "Be careful who you let visit."

Once the nurses took inventory of all my goods, thoroughly searched me for contraband, and confiscated the apple in my backpack, I took a look around what was to be my new home. The space was small and sterile, but that would be of little importance once I was confined to my bed. As I wandered through the hospital wing, I saw my first glimpses of the other study participants. They each had their reasons for being here: One was working on a novel while he earned enough money to buy his first motorcycle; another had a baby on the way and wanted to put some extra cash away before the delivery date. Several gamers were drawn here because it serves as an ideal environment for escaping into the digital world without the usual responsibilities of daily life.

I was most intrigued by the veteran test subjects. One was here for his third NASA bed rest study. With the funds earned from his months here and at other research facilities across the country, he had been supporting himself for years. Surprisingly, his story was not so rare. Another subject showed me the scarring on his inner arm from the hundreds of blood draws and IVs he received during numerous studies.

This was the "pre-bed rest" period, during which I would acclimate to my new routine, familiarize myself with the exercise regimen, and level out my nutrient levels. At 6:00 AM on my first morning, the door flung open, florescent lights switched on, a thermometer was placed in my mouth, and a blood pressure cuff wrapped around my arm. By 6:15 AM, another nurse popped her head in the door, prodding, "Have you urinated yet?" It would take me a few more days to realize I was the slow pisser of the bunch and that the nurse's question was a discreet command: "Pee now so we can proceed with the schedule."

The first few days were a blur of body scans, needles, physical tests; urine jugs filled, collected, and analyzed. One day, amongst the laundry list of testing on my daily schedule, I saw the "Muscle Twitch Test" on my agenda. Researchers strapped me into a modified leg extension machine, put a shin guard on my right leg, and fastened it to the machine while they explained the nature of the test: "The brain only allows you to exert about 85 percent of a muscle's full capability, so in order to bypass that limitation and measure the full force of your muscle, we are attaching these electrodes to your leg to stimulate it directly at varying amperages until we find its maximum output." In layman terms, they shocked the fuck out of my leg some 20 times to see how hard I would kick. After the fifth shock, I was wincing and cursing; by the tenth, I was wishing eternal damnation upon all of NASA.

But even the uniquely disturbing pain of the muscle twitch test became part of my accepted routine. After years of working hard and seeking illusive answers to abstract questions, it was comforting to simply follow orders and enjoy the ample free time. Lie in the MRI machine for 90 minutes without moving? Happily. Breathe through this tube while you add some carbon monoxide and take blood samples? As long as I won't die. Wear this mask and pedal on this bike at 75 RPM's until I can't anymore? No problem. Strap on this gear and run through the obstacle course? Why not?

After the three-week pre-bed rest phase, there was but one mission left: to get in bed and stay there for 70 days. I gathered and arranged all that I could put within arm's reach of my bed. I used a proper toilet one last time. I looked out the window for a final view of the outside world. Then, it was time to go head-down.

Almost immediately, I was fighting the six degree angle. Every time I turned or twitched, I slid toward the headboard and, within a few minutes, was slammed against it with my neck turned sideways. To resist the gravitational pull, I laid as still as possible, but then the back pain began to set in.

I had been warned that back pain and headaches were common during the first few days of bed rest. The spine is not accustomed to remaining horizontal for an extended period, and it takes on the weight of internal organs above. The shift in blood flow to the upper body also increases pressure in the skull--all things that made lying down very, very uncomfortable at first.

Later that day, the nurses brought my first meal in bed: soup.

That night, I tossed and turned. Every hour, I awoke mashed against the headboard with increasing neck pain. I had anticipated that I would struggle with some discomfort during this period, but this was far beyond my expectations. The pain and sleep deprivation sparked a sense of panic that echoed through the next few days; I wasn't sure how long I would be able to withstand this.

I spent the next five days on my side, curled in the fetal position to relieve the pressure on my spine. I sank into a throbbing haze as blood flow to my head increased. On the third day, my intestines triggered their own alarms. Never in my life had I gone so long without unloading a bowel movement--the digestive system is not as effective without gravity on its side.

When I finally called for a bedpan, I decided I had hit rock bottom. It's impossible to maintain even the slightest bit of dignity while crapping in a horizontal position; doing so simply defies the human anatomical design. As I struggled on my little plastic shit pot, I couldn't help but reflect upon the fact that my new bathroom was also my dining room, living room, and bedroom for the next two months.

I wear this MCE mask once a week during a workout to record my air intake during workouts and at rest

Beyond the pain, I learned that it was nearly impossible to perform everyday tasks while slanted at the negative six degree angle. Taking showers consists of dousing myself with a hand-held shower head, and it's especially hard to clean my back, legs, and feet. Reading books is exhausting, since I have to hold my arms outstretched in lieu of lifting my head up. Using my laptop is equally strange while lying down. Every time I brush my teeth, I feel like I'm going to choke on the toothpaste. Then I have to spit into a cup, but it inevitably dribbles down my cheek and through my beard every damn time.

But within a week, I started to adapt. The physical symptoms subsided, and I managed to plow through all of  House of Cards and half of The Wire while waiting for my spine to adjust. It's still difficult to drink anything, and I can hardly manage to put on socks (I'm losing flexibility every day), but altogether, I feel surprisingly good. I've started reading Ram Dass's Paths to God to help myself recenter; I've even mustered the gumption to resume my schedule of GRE and LSAT studies.

I'm now weeks into bed rest, and I feel settled. I know I will hit a wall at some point in the next two months. I know unforeseen demons await me in this bed. But, for now, I am cautiously optimistic.

Follow Drew Iwanicki on Twitter.

A Wall Street Banker Went on a Sex-Crazed Killing Spree in Hong Kong

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Photo via ​Facebook

On Saturday, a 29-year-old investment banker was arrested after two dismembered bodies were found in his Hong Kong apartment. Rurik Jutting, a Cambridge graduate wh​o worked for Bank of A​merica Merrill Lynch, is accused of murdering Jesse Lorena and Sumarti Ningsih, who are being identified as prostitutes from Southeast Asia. The scene was straight out of a Bret Easton Ellis book--it's been reported that one woman was nearly beheaded, and tabloids​ are saying that cocaine and se​x toys were found on the scene.

Jutting called the police to his apartment at 3:42 AM on November 1. While there, they found blood all over the walls and a partially naked dead body in a suitcase. There was another, fresher corpse found with multiple knife wounds to the neck and buttocks. Upon searching Jutting's phone, the cops came across about 2,000 twisted photos taken with the victims.

Newspaper editors across the globe are plugging American Psycho references into their headlines, something that Jutting himself would probably consider appropriate. Prior to the arrest, the banker made a bizarre vacation signature on his work email account that said he was out of the office "indefinitely" and suggested contacting someone who wasn't "an insane psychopath." He added: "For escalation please contact God, though suspect the devil will have custody. [Last line only really worked if I had followed through.]"

The bespectacled banker, who is from S​u​rrey, ​England, lived on the 31st floor of J Residence, which the Daily Mail ​rep​orts is popular with young expat bankers. It's in Wan Chai, which is known as a Hong Kong r​ed-light district.

A resident of the building tol​d the South China Morning Post,"It was a shock because you would never expect something like this to happen in Hong Kong." It's true; even though it's one of the most densely populated cities in the world, only two serial killers have ever been convicted there.

In 1983, Lam Kor-wan was found guilty of four counts of murder after it was determined he abducted female passengers in his taxi and stored their sexual organs in jars. A decade later, Lam Kwok-wai was arrested and ultimately convicted of committing three murders through brute strength--he called​ his right hand "the f​ork." Both were sentenced to life in prison.

The last high-profile murder case in Hong Kong was in November 2003, when Nancy Kissel murdered her investment banker husband by sedating him with a drugged strawberry milkshake and bludgeoning him to death. Kissel's defen​​se was that her Merrill Lynch-employed spouse was a crazed, single malt Scotch-addled coke addict who was obsessed with violent sex. Jutting's case is the most horrifying thing to come out of Hong Kong since.

Follow Allie Conti on ​Tw​itter.


The Weird Politics of Florida's Medical Marijuana Vote

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On Tuesday, voters in the Sunshine State will consider Amendment 2, a hotly contested ballot initiative that would make Florida the 24th state to legalize marijuana for medical purposes. The vote is a national bellwether for the politics surrounding legalization: For supporters of the initiative, a win in Florida would be huge, signaling a major shift in attitudes toward pot policy, particularly in the South. But with less than 24 hours to go until voters head to the polls, the movement faces an uphill battle against a well-funded opposition campaign that is determined to beat back reforms of the state's drug laws.

"This is where presidents get picked, this is where trends get started," said Ben Pollara, a Florida Democratic political consultant and campaign manager of United for Care, the group behind Amendment 2.

To succeed and leave a national impact, Amendment 2 must pass with more than 60 percent of the vote, a task that Paul Armentano, deputy director of the marijuana legalization advocacy group NORML called "a difficult benchmark to reach under ideal circumstances." In the politically (and otherwise) strange state of Florida, circumstances are not exactly "ideal": Florida sits in the marijuana-unfriendly South, has an expensive political market, and a midterm electorate that is expected to be older and more conservative than the one that turns out in presidential election years. While early polls showed overwhelming support for Amendment 2 among Florida voters, those numbers have been dwindling thanks to a brutal opposition campaign.

With nearly $5 million raised ($4 million of which was donated by Las Vegas casino magnate Sheldon Adelson) the Drug Free Florida PAC (run by Drug Free America's head couple and shady prohibitionists Mel and Betty Sembler) is the first well-funded anti-marijuana-policy-reform in any state. To put the numbers in perspective, consider that "No on 91," the primary opposition group fighting a ballot initiative to legalize marijuana in Oregon this year, has raised $179,352; "Vote No on Measure 2," the opposition group fighting a similar initiative in Alaska has raised just $97,045. As VICE noted earlier this year, when Washington legalized recreational in 2012, opponents raised just $15,995, and in Colorado, anti-drug groups backed by Sembler pulled in $577,410, which is still far below the millions raised by Drug Free Florida.

While Amendment 2 advocates at United for Care have raised nearly $7 million in campaign contributions, $4 million of which came from United for Care chairman John Morgan, a Florida attorney and major Democratic campaign bundler, the organization spent the bulk of its funding on gathering signatures to put the initiative on the ballot, and subsequently struggled to compete with the opposition in the final stretch.

The effect of the opposition's lush, negative campaign is evident in in the polls: While Quinnipac University polls in N​ovemberAp​ril, and J​uly of 2013 found that about 80 percent of Floridians surveyed supported medical marijuana legalization, surveys taken last month showed that support had fallen to arou​nd 50 percent.

Legalization supporters caution that the poll numbers should be interpreted carefully. "When you ask people if they support medical marijuana in Florida, the support is overwhelming," said Karen Goldstein, a 67-year-old Florida activist with United for Care and executive director of NORML's Florida chapter. "When asked if they support Amendment 2, that's when support drops." (The numbers support her thesis: While early surveys asked about medical marijuana legalization in general, the later polls refer specifically to Amendment 2.)

Goldstein says the split is the result of the opposition campaign, which has decreased support for Amendment 2 even among voters who support medical marijuana, largely by trying to convince voters that the ballot measure will allow black market marijuana sales to flourish.

The anti-pot campaign has been emboldened by support from the Florida Sheriff's Association, which has argued that Amendment 2 would allow any run-of-the-mill drug dealer to become a "caregiver" and start doling out marijuana to children disguised as patients. The No on Amendment 2 claims, featured in television ads across the state, have forced supporters to defend themselves against fears that the measure will do more to increase recreational drug use than it will to help sick people. ( Local news ou​tlets and Polit​iFact have deemed these claims untrue.)

The opposition is so severe, Pollara said, that "even in the absence of Sheldon Adelson's $4 million [to the opposition], we'd still be running a competitive campaign."

Manatee County Sheriff Brad Steube and Florida Sheriff's Association treasurer Brad Steube disputed Pollara's argument. "When you talk about this particular issue, and the debilitating diseases defined in the amendment--cancer and glaucoma--and then you go to [the American Cancer Society and American Glaucoma Society] websites, you see they're against this," he said.

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The shifty politics of Amendment 2 have led to accusations of ulterior motives on both sides. Both supporters and opponents are backed primarily by one large financial donor and one political party. Most Democrats, led by John Morgan and United for Care, have come out in support for Amendment 2, while Republicans, including Florida Governor Rick Scott, Attorney General Pam Bondi, and Senator Marco Rubio, have generally come down against the measure.

Complicating the issue is the tight gubernatorial race between Florida's Republican Governor Rick Scott and former Governor Charlie Crist, a Republican-turned-Democrat, in which both campaigns hope that turnout for Amendment 2 will ultimately help their candidate win the election. While Democrats hope that the ballot initiative could bring out younger, more liberal voters on Tuesday, supporters of Amendment 2 have also suggested that Republicans oppose the initiative simply because they fear it will give Crist a better shot at winning the election.

While some have speculated that Adelson's friendship with the Semblers have prompted his support for the Amendment 2 opposition, supporters of legalization have speculated that the Las Vegas gambling magnate might be trying to curry favor with Republicans in order to win support for expanding casino gambling in Florida. Adelson has also donated about $500,000 this cycle to Floridians United for our Children's Future, a conservative group that is a documented affiliate of Associated Industries of Florida, a PAC lobbying for the construction of casinos in South Florida.

"Sheldon Adelson has undoubtedly got eyes on expanding gambling in Florida, and by supporting the No on 2 campaign is ingratiating himself with the Florida legislature and Republicans," said Goldstein.

Notably the only high-profile Democrat to come out against Amendment 2 has been Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, a Florida congresswoman. A spokesperson for her office declined to comment about Wasserman-Schultz's position, but pointed me to a press release from June, in which the congresswoman raised concerns that the amendment is "written too broadly."

Morgan reacted strongly​ to Wasserman-Schultz's statement, slamming her in the press and questioning her understanding of the bill with comments like, "Does she not know what 'debilitating' means?" and, "After this, she won't get re-elected to the state senate."

Despite United for Care's coalition of supporters, including the Florida NAACP chapter, the SEIU, and the Florida Democratic Party, Morgan's brash demeanor has led opponents to accuse him of running an unconvincing one-man show that has failed to make a strong argument for medical pot. And while both sides have expressed hope that Amendment 2 may swing the electorate at the polls in November, whether a medical marijuana initiative can actually affect voter turnout is unclear.

"The common wisdom among those who run marijuana initiatives year in and year out is that these initiatives do not affect turnout," said Pollara, "But I can tell you the Republicans in Florida and Tallahassee certainly believe this will turn out a type of voter who will not vote for a Republican candidate. There is also a very palpable sense on the ground here that this is an issue that is exciting people, driving people who would otherwise be turned off by a long and brutal governor's campaign to vote."

***

If Amendment 2 passes, it could signal a shift in medical marijuana policy reform at the state and national levels. But a failure could force the legalization movement to reassess their strategies for pursuing state reforms going forward, helping to determine whether legalization advocates continue to put their energy and resources into passing ballot initiatives in 2016 and beyond.

"If we fail here, it's going to deal a serious blow to the broader marijuana reform movement," said Pollara. The landscape of marijuana politics in 2016 is "going to be largely dependent on what happens here in Florida," he added.

So far, national legalization groups have offered minimal support for Amendment 2, staking their priorities instead on Alaska and Oregon, where initiatives to fully legalize marijuana for recreational use are on the ballots this year. Where medical marijuana policy is concerned, activists say they will focus on pushing bills through the legislature.

The failure of Amendment 2, especially by a wide margin, could further encourage activists to abandon ballot initiatives in difficult states, and continue to focus their energy on bigger, easier victories in more left- and-libertarian-leaning states in the West and Northeast, where full legalization is more likely to pass.

But the problem with focusing on medical marijuana in state legislatures, Armentano, the NORML deputy director, told me, is that "state legislation tends to be compromised every step along the way in the legislative process." The result is often "fairly respected but over-restrictive medical marijuana programs," he said, pointing to laws passed by state legislatures in Florida, New York, and Minnesota earlier this year.

If proponents of Amendment 2 attract even 50 percent of the vote, however (ten points short of the 60 percent needed for Amendment 2 pass) their moderate success could invigorate local grassroots campaigns in states with lower thresholds to put medical marijuana on the ballot. And it could send a signal to federal and state politicians that supporting marijuana legalization isn't the political death knell it was long made out to be. 

The World's Largest Snake Doesn't Need Males to Breed

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In late October, the Louisville Zoo announced that a reticulated python named Thelma had produced the first documented virgin birth for its species, and it wasn't the most pleasant of potential solutions. Sure, it didn't involve the Archangel Gabriel, and it's not quite the same as the plot device in Jurassic Park where some female dinosaurs became male. But the idea of a virgin birth (or parthenogenesis) still sounds creepy as hell, especially if you've ever seen David Cronenberg's The Brood.

I spoke to Bill McMahan, the Louisville Zoo's Curator of Ectotherms, about whether or not this is completely fucked up and whether Thelma's offspring will be able to reproduce.

VICE: How do you feel about the term "virgin birth"? 
​Bill McMahan: If you define virgin as having had sex with another animal ten years ago, you might be able to say it's not a virgin in that respect, [because] we don't know that this snake, Thelma, has never had sex with another snake. 

Right. It's not like we can ask it how it lost its virginity. 
They lay eggs. I guess you could argue over whether something can reproduce through eggs and whether that actually constitutes the word "birth." Ironically, I guess I'd have more problem with the word "birth" than the word "virgin."

So tell me about Thelma.
​Thelma is an 11-year-old reticulated python that we've had here at the zoo for four years. She's 20 feet long and she weighs about 200 pounds. She presented us with a clutch of 61 eggs in June of 2012, and we ended up hatching six of those in September. 

Is Thelma a normal snake?
​She's what's known as a morph. She's a pattern that's not found in nature very often, but one that's been perpetuated in captivity because it's different from the normal wild pattern that's routinely observed in reticulated pythons. 

Bill McMahan

Is "virgin birth" something that could be considered helpful for endangered species? I assume it only happens in egg-laying animals.
​It's been done in a laboratory with mice. I think it would be more advantageous to do that for animals that are captive. In the wild, these animals don't have as many genes to deal with if they keep reproducing that way.

And you get a genetic bottleneck?
​Yeah, after a while you're quite limited. You want as many genes as possible potentially in the mix, so that if climatic conditions or other things change, there may be something there that can complement that or fill in for that. If you have such a limited number of genes, the possibilities are greatly reduced.

When people hear stories about things like this, they get a little bit unsettled, and think it's a result of pollution or things that humans are doing to destroy the planet. There's nothing sinister to parthenogenesis, right? 
I don't think there's anything that would suggest some sort of ecological disturbance, whether that be pollution or climate change. I suspect this has occurred over a myriad of species for millions of years. And recently, people just couldn't get their head around it because they thought the prospects of "virgin birth" or parthenogenesis were so remote that it wasn't even worth looking at.

If Thelma or a snake like her were to exist in the wild, would she be as able to reproduce successfully?
​I think it's possible that these snakes do do this in the wild. 

Has that been seen in other species where parthenogenesis occurs?
​The thing that we have the most information about are some turkeys. There's a breed of turkey called a Beltsville Small White, and about a half of one percent of the eggs laid by that particular breed are parthenogens. But in their case, they generally produce a male bird.

I would have assumed that Thelma's offspring would all be clones, or identical sextuplets. 
They're half-clones, technically. It's a little bit confusing. They have [Thelma's] genetic material, and the other half is homozygous. It's from the genes that are there from the species. 

Are there any plans to introduce Thelma to a male to see if they might reproduce?
​There's not a need to do that because this species has such a wide geographic range; it's the most widespread python on earth. These things can survive in relatively populated areas, even on the outskirts of big cities. So there's not a conservation need to do that.

Of Thelma's six babies, did they all survive?
​They did. They occurred in two morphs, interestingly. Thelma is a tiger morph, and all six offspring are female. Three are the wild pattern, like you would see in nature and which Thelma carries the genes for, and three are what's called a "super-tiger" pattern, which is really bizarre by wild standards. They're yellow snakes with black stripes down them, very different from the animal in nature. 

Are Thelma's offspring likelier to reproduce in this way? Or are they sterile?
​That's the $64 question. That's not been determined yet, and there's a lot of speculation and interest as to whether these parthenogens can reproduce similarly-or sexually, for that matter.

Follow Peter Lawrence Kane on Twit​ter.

Hooligans: A Formula for Self-Destruction

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There are dozens of hooligan groups in Ukraine. They formed independently of soccer clubs by aligning with German and British fans. When I accompanied the hooligans on their trips and to fights from September 2012 to August 2013 the movement was still pretty small, so the number of serious injuries was minor, but no less saddening.

Groups or firms of fascists and anti-fascists would rumble with each other, their mutual hatred serving as a shared driving force. Through friends and acquaintances, I observed the scene for months before eventually coming in contact with its leaders. After negotiations, which took a few more months, I was at last allowed to start photographing them, but it was still difficult. It took at least four months before I could move freely among them without being watched. I was regularly on the go with them. I was often present for fights. My equipment sometimes suffered, but they almost always respected me and my stuff when I told them I was a journalist who just wanted to photograph them. After the political uprising and the annexation of Crimea by Russia, it's unclear what will happen to this scene.There were huge rivalries between the various groups.

A Ukrainian anti-riot unit tries to keep hooligans away from a rival group in Saporischschja, southeastern Ukraine

There were huge rivalries between the various groups. A lot of their members weren't even 17 yet and had been recruited directly from school playgrounds or from martial arts schools. A lot of them came from good families and got into the scene through friends. The entry points were clothes, music and, of course, soccer. They were also indoctrinated with a subtle, almost subliminal form of nationalism. Through the sport they were told that sexual minorities must be oppressed and that country and nation must come first. Then they were organized into fighting groups. In the beginning there were test fights, almost auditions, and if you were good and proved yourself, you could go to other cities. The firms' real fascist or anti-fascist sentiments were vague. In the end both sides were more about loyalty to the club's flag, fighting the enemy, and following an ideology without questioning it.

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Two hooligan groups meet in Bachtschyssaraj in central Crimea. The groups agree on an equal number of fighters beforehand, and the battle goes on until all members of one group are knocked out.

These boys' lives were strangely romantic at first glance, but the whole thing was actually driven by money. They were the smallest cogs in a big business, and they were cannon fodder at the same time. Money was collected for the hooligans from fans during soccer matches, which was then invested in opening fan shops and bars. The funds were also used for travel expenses when the hooligans had to go to other cities to fight. The strongest boys fought for their flags in city centers. Sometimes fights would be organized on neutral territory. Everything was set up via social media networks, where they also evaluated how the individual firms performed in the fights.

A group of ultras sleeping on a train after a successful fight in Simferopol, Crimea

These guys had careers within the firms, mirroring those of actual football players. Most began in second division clubs. These firms didn't have names and didn't have any status. If they proved themselves, they would be picked up by the firms in the first division. There were age brackets: 18-year-olds would never fight 15-year-olds. There were six to 15 boys in each fighting group. Usually they stopped fighting regularly at 19 or 20. The older boys took care of planning and distributing money. They became the management and competed in the brawls only if their firm was insulted, when they really mobilised against the offending firm.

The planned brawls adhered to a fairness code: they never used weapons, just punches and kicks. But if fights began spontaneously, which usually happened right after a game, things looked different. Then there was a good chance of stones, bottles and sticks being used. But that happened fairly rarely because everyone knew that if someone was ever seriously injured, the police would have to investigate everyone. During my time with the hooligans, one boy was seriously hurt; the doctors had to put his head back together. The group that beat him up collected money for his treatment. It was all good in the end.

But all of them had had more or less serious concussions, bruises, broken bones and noses and ripped earlobes. The brawls happened dozens of times a year and most boys didn't go to the hospital with their wounds; they treated themselves at a friend's place. They never told their families about their hobby. Being scared of parents and courageous on the battlefield is a paradox, of course. These brawls shortened their lives. Even though they're so young, a lot of them have memory issues and heart problems. That's why they kept going back to the streets. For them, there was nothing more important than their firm's honour and standing up for their flag, even if the whole thing looked like an extremely slow suicide from the outside.

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Maxim after losing a fight in Krywyj Rih, in central Ukraine

British Kids Are Still Being Subjected to Violent 'Exorcisms'

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​The Bamu family, with Magalie in the yellow top and Kristy at the bottom in the white shirt

"I was thrown into a cupboard and told to pray on my knees until the devil left," says Aisha. "I remember it was completely dark, very cold, and very cramped. I didn't know what was going on, but I remember the door was locked. I kept banging on it to be let out, but no one listened. All I could hear was mum, telling me to keep praying."

Aisha was nine years old when she underwent a forced exorcism. Taken to a flat in South London by her mother and uncle, she believed she was just on her way to another of her community's Bible meetings. Upon entering the flat, however, she was snatched from her mum by her then-pastor--a man she called "Papa"--who told her she had a spirit inside her that needed to be removed before it could spread "evil things."

She was told to sit as fellow members of the congregation--"around 20 or so people"--formed a circle, chanting Bible verses while Papa threw water at her. Afterwards, Aisha was locked in the cupboard "for most of the night" while Papa led the congregation's continued chanting. When she was finally let out the following morning, Papa told her that her tears were a "sign from God" that the evil spirits had left her. 

Now 20, Aisha--who's currently a student and a secret atheist--tells me how these types of rituals are not uncommon in her community. She was raised by her single mother in the City, surrounded by her community of Nigerian Pentecostal Christians. Because she was conceived out of wedlock, both Aisha and her mother were "looked at with suspicion" by neighbors, who "believed we were impure, and that my mum was cursed." Aisha's mum found solace in their Pentecostal church, which at the time operated from a rented community hall. 

"Church is still the most important thing in my family's lives," she says. "Most Christians in this country only go to church on Sundays, or during big religious festivals. But my family, like most in Nigeria, still go about four or five days a week. Mostly for cultural reasons and to keep ties with the community, but they also really believe everything our pastors say, every word of it."

According to Aisha, it was the unconditional acceptance of the pastors, who were often boisterous and charismatic, that led her, and "potentially hundreds" of children like her, to undergo traumatizing rituals in the name of exorcism, or "deliverance." 

"My deliverance was much more gentle than others," she says, telling me of cases in which other children had been forced to fast, were hit by their pastors or, in some cases, had been forced to sacrifice animals. "Deliverance is more toned down in the UK, probably because of the police," she says. 

"The more extreme deliverance takes place back in Africa. I've heard many stories of children as young as five being taken to Nigeria or Ghana on 'holiday' and sent to camps where they're given deliverance. Some have been cut with razors, been forced to jump over fires, and even been physically beaten by fully-grown men. Things you would be sent to prison for in the UK are ignored in Africa, and anyone who speaks out against it is immediately branded as a witch, or [said to be] cursed by the 'white devil' in the West."

While Aisha's "exorcism" may have been psychologically damaging, other British children have been subject to more brutal practices.

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Victoria Climbié with her great-aunt (Handout)

In 2000, eight-year-old Victoria Climbié was found dead as a result of attacks inflicted by her great-aunt Marie-Thérèse Kouao and her boyfriend Carl Manning. With 128 injuries on her body at the time of death, a Home Office pathologist called it "the worst case of child abuse" they had ever seen. Kouao believed Victoria was possessed--a claim reaffirmed by her then pastor Pascal Orome. 

A more recent example was the 2010 case of Kristy Bamu, a 15-year-old who was violently beaten by his sister Magalie and her boyfriend Erik Bikubi in their east London flat. Bamu was reportedly hit with a weightlifting bar and had parts of his flesh torn off with pliers before he was drowned in a bathtub. The torture began as a result of Bikubi's belief that Kristy had cast spells on another child in the family.

Despite these cases being covered heavily in the national press, relatively little has been done by the government to curb the problem. While they introduced the "Every Child Matters" (ECM) policy following Climbié's death--a strategy that aimed to safeguard children from abuse by linking schools, social services and the police--social workers, who wished to remain anonymous, told me that government cuts, particularly in training individuals to identify victims of abuse, had "reduced ECM to nothing."

§

The last official study of child abuse linked to beliefs in witchcraft and possession was carried out in 2006, identifying 74 cases since 2000. The report indicated that around three-quarters of these cases were recorded from within African Christian communities, with the remaining quarter dominated by those from South Asian backgrounds. Around half of the children documented in the report were UK citizens. 

The report concluded that the concept of witchcraft and possession was "widespread" in certain communities, and that social workers or authorities were "unable to change them." It added that superstitious beliefs stemmed not just from cultural history, but also the exploitation of anxieties such as debt, unemployment and bad fortune by preachers, many of whom had no official records or documents signifying their religious authority.

While the Home Office couldn't provide me with current records of child abuse relating to witchcraft, both practicing Christians and independent researchers have told me that it is highly likely that cases of "deliverance" still occur regularly. The Metropolitan Police backed this up, saying there has been a rise in belief-linked child abuse being reported, with nearly 150 cases filed since 2004. Most recently, they say, a suspected "string of child exorcisms" was reported to have taken place near a leisure centre in Croydon.

"It's commonly accepted that the prevalence of abuse linked to witchcraft and possession is difficult to measure, as many cases go unreported," says Feriha Tayfur, an independent human rights researcher. Feriha adds that it was usually only the "most extreme cases" that were reported to the authorities, meaning that vulnerable children--especially those with mental and physical disabilities--were more likely to be subjected to deliverance practices without the authorities finding out.

The government insists it has guidelines to deal with all forms of child abuse, but legislation hasn't covered religious rituals since the repeal of the Witchcraft Act in 1951. According to Feriha, while the Human Rights Act provides some protection from religious acts being imposed on an individual, often this isn't enough to protect the most vulnerable.

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​Dr Richard Hoskins appearing on This Morning v​ia

Other experts, including Dr. Richard Hoskins, a researcher in ritual crimes, suggest that children being subjected to exorcisms are actually being failed by those charged with protecting them, namely the police and social services.

Hoskins has advised the Met Police and been an expert witness in over 100 religious abuse cases. He says it's the inadequacy of existing government policy--alongside the "tiptoeing around racial issues" by the police--that's left a large number of children in the UK open to abuse.

And while exorcisms might difficult to monitor, he says, a lack of resources and training has meant that children known to be in danger have been failed. He cited the case of a child being allowed to fly to Ghana to be exorcised, despite police informing the UK border authorities beforehand. Other cases I heard of, mostly from social workers who didn't want to be named, included teachers who refused to report children showing signs of abuse, as well as religious community leaders who believed they "shouldn't be involved in the affairs of other families".

However, religious abuse cases clearly cannot simply be blamed on institutional failure. Pastors who conduct the exorcisms, many of whom are wealthy, well traveled and highly educated, know not to "cross the boundaries," Hoskins tells me. While violent practices are increasingly conducted away from the public eye, exorcisms that involve "emotional torture," including chanting, shouting and verbal accusations of possession, still remain rife. 

"It's an incitement to child abuse, which is still not prosecutable," says Hoskins. "These pastors can subject victims to fasting, sleep deprivation, and other forms of child abuse. It's feral."

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​Leo Igwe. Photo by Jon Bagge

This sentiment is shared by Nigerian human rights activist Leo Igwe. Like other anti-belief-based-abuse activists, his work has led to a number of attacks by notorious Evangelical groups. Leo tells me that accusations of witchcraft "take different shapes", but most are rooted in a toxic mixture of radical Christianity and a type of "African traditionalism with strong layers of belief in exorcism".

"Women are the most at risk of accusation," he adds, suggesting that deep-rooted suspicions of seduction and temptation are exploited by religious preachers to justify their actions.

When I ask Leo about cases of exorcism in the UK, he tells me that they "continue to happen, but are very well concealed," making it difficult for victims to speak out. And while more people are campaigning against the practice, Leo says there is still a "taboo of being a disbeliever" among African-rooted communities, leading to a passive acceptance of such practices. 

"They give power to these pastors", says Leo, adding that preachers can make thousands of pounds by "mining this sense of indebtedness" to their congregations, especially by creating a cult-like following. "Exorcism is a ritual that puts people under pressure to give money, whether they have it or not," he says. Dr. Hoskins agrees, telling me that Pastors can gain notoriety in "broken-down diaspora communities" where they can replace traditional tribal elders through their "thoroughly manipulative preaching." 

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Other sources I spoke to--including Adam, a youth worker who underwent an exorcism when he was 13--told me of families who had "literally gone bankrupt" paying their pastor to carry out deliverance. "No one used to say nothing to pastor in case they were disrespectful," he tells me. "They just blamed it on the families. My mum said it was punishment from God that they were poor. 'Auntie' had been drinking or doing drugs when she was younger and now she was getting punishment from God."

"It's all the suspicion in our cultures that lets the pastors do what they like," he says. "They know they are untouchable and that they'll always have more power over the police, or schools, or whoever else tries to challenge them."

Exactly how prevalent exorcisms are in the UK remains a mystery, but what's clear is that they won't be wiped out any time soon.

Some names have been changed to protect identities.

Follow Hussein Kesvani on ​Tw​itter.

I Toured London's Most Unhygienic Restaurants

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Appearances can be deceiving. Nowhere is this maxim more applicable than kitchen hygiene. Take Heston Blumenthal's two-Michelin-starred London restaurant dinner, where it's socially acceptable to pay £17 ($27) for frog's leg porridge, or--if you're not a complete fucking peasant--twice that for something called "Powdered Duck Breast."

At those prices, you'd expect to punch in your pin and walk away with (at the very worst) a sense of overwhelming financial dread; not the kind of weapons-grade diarrhea that gets you struck off international flights.  However, this past February the restaurant was ​forced to clo​se for a week after dozens of staff and diners came down with norovirus. 

In a vaguely similar incident, Cu Tu--a Vietnamese place in Shoreditch that lets you bring your own cans of Tyskie--also ​had to close temp​orarily after inspectors found a decomposing rat under the cooker and a smattering of rodent shit peppered all over the restaurant.

It's the job of the FSA (Food Standards Agency) to protect us and our plumbing from this kind of scatalogical oppression. If an eatery fails to provide adequate hygiene standards, the FSA can close them down. If it's, say, one bowel infection away from closure, it's slapped with a zero-star rating. 

According to the agency, these zero-star places are "likely to have a history of serious problems."   Why, then, they're still allowed to serve you food, I have no idea (it's a bit like Foxtons going, "There's an arsonist always trying to burn this place down, but it's probably OK for you to move in") but, for whatever reason, they are. 

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I had a browse of the agency's ​UK-wid​e list of zero-rated restaurants--the "Top 100 Places to Contract Gastroenteritis," if you like--and found that plenty are located in the capital. It was time, I thought, for someone to give a few of London's dirtiest spots a go, to try and answer the question cultural theorists, environmental health officers and Trip Advisor reviewers have been asking for millennia: Does bad hygiene always mean bad food?

Being a fussy eater, vegetarian, and lifelong hypochondriac, I was anything but the ideal candidate. But "do you want to go and eat some shitty food and see if it makes you violently ill?" is a pretty hard sell, so I decided to put all my personal failings aside for one day and bite the bullet myself.

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My first stop was Cummin' Up, a Jamaican café in Lewisham. The name made me think of a warm orb of bliss starting in my belly and washing over my face and fingertips. The name was deceiving.

The first thing I saw when I walked in was a heated container housing amber patties of some description. I asked what they were. The lady told me chicken, beef or salt fish. I wasn't quite ready to go the whole meaty hog, so I went for the salt fish option, which was warmed up and served to me in a wet bag. It immediately scalded my fingers, which I figured probably wasn't such a bad thing, as at least some of the bacteria might have been obliterated.

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Lifting it to my mouth, the patty smelled sweet and musty, like a malted milk biscuit. On first bite, the pastry was chewy and surprisingly inedible. However, the real delight lay within; what squirted into my throat is best compared to piping hot congealed ejaculate. It was hard to swallow, but once I did the salty stuff quickly started forming a gel around my tonsils.

Walking to the bus stop, I had to induce a coughing fit to get back to breathing properly. Was that stomach acid I felt coming up into the back of my mouth? It was, and it was highly unpleasant. 

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Next up was Damascu Bite on Shoreditch High Street. From far away you wouldn't know what this place was; the universal kebab house identifier (a neon sign covered in yellowing photos of food that no one could ever conceivably want to put inside their own bodies) was absent.

In fact, it wasn't until we got right up to the window that I spotted the rotisserie poles holding up two large chunks of meat. One was dark brown, the other a pallid beige. Were these molded out of different animals? Had one just been left out to oxidize for longer than the other? Only the man behind the counter could know.

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It was far too early for a kebab, so I chose the nation's other favorite: a burger.

The toasted bun was desiccated. It reminded me of the stale ones my nan would insist on defrosting for me, despite the fact they'd probably been living in her basement freezer since my mum was a child.  The patty wasn't how I remember the meat from my carnivorous youth; instead of supple and edible, it was soaked in grease and studded with viscous beads of oil. Bone-dry inside, it had the texture of a month-old sponge.

Granted, I might not know much about meat these days, but I do know my condiments. And this mayonnaise? This mayonnaise tasted very old. Teetering-on-the-edge-of-solidification old. 

It was time to move on.

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From slimy meat to slimy everything, the next place on the tour was a hallowed shrine to grease: Cocotones Restaurant Now! in Stoke Newington. Unfortunately, it seemed we'd come too late - though the FSA website still listed it as a zero-star establishment, since July of 2014 it's apparently been the proud owner of four hygiene rating stars. Mind you, I'm not sure how, as the kitchen looked in a similar state to the first two places we'd visited.

I asked for the menu, only to realize all the food was already sat out on the side. The owner--incidentally, the nicest man I've ever met--gave me a choice of various animals in an array of coagulated sauces. I picked the safest option of fish with a side of rice and peas, which was then reheated in a microwave.

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Seriously, though, this guy was excellent. We hugged and high-fived and joked around, and were having such a lovely time that I almost forgot he could be giving me toxoplasmosis.

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Back to the food: two Magikarp on a plate, sealed with radioactive orange sauce. The rice and peas were worryingly lukewarm, and all I could think about was my mum telling me not to reheat rice. I suddenly got really worried about tapeworms.

However, riddled with guilt and the need to please this lovely man, I kept spooning the toxic rice into my face. And when my stomach told me it was definitely time to stop, I asked Jake, the photographer, to buy a plastic bag from the corner shop so we could subtly shovel the remainder of the food in there. 

(I'm sorry, you beautiful human being--you were fantastic, but I didn't want to spend the subsequent bus journey throwing up down the back of a stranger's neck.)

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The fourth stop, Royal India in Stoke Newington, looked the fanciest so far; they were displaying lots of stickers that suggested they'd won some awards. What for, I couldn't be sure, but they certainly weren't for hygiene.

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I took my prawn puri out into the street. The pancake had a metallic sheen of oil and was as thick and heavy as a wallet full of coppers. I picked it up to discover it was hovering on a good centimeter's worth of grease. 

The slimy batter was uncooked, so I used it as a caveman utensil to shovel the curry into my mouth. My stomach churned. It was touch and go at this point. Luckily for my insides, my evening was coming to a close.

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For the zero-starred tour, it was only fitting to end with an east London institution: Kebab Zero.

As I entered, I instantly noted two things. One: "Blurred Lines" was playing over the PA. Two: It smelled like a petting zoo. I thought I'd go for their speciality, a doner kebab.

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Nothing about what I held in my hands seemed fit for human consumption, and it took me a good five minutes to build the courage to raise the stinking strips to my lips. I've had some foul things in my mouth in my time, but this was something else. I immediately spat it out and offered the kebab to Jake (he'll eat almost anything), but even he turned it down.

The one positive mark I can award Kebab Zero was that while it may have tasted foul, it delivered precisely what it promised: zero hygiene, zero taste, zero satisfaction.  The remnants of what might well have been animal assholes swilling around my mouth, all I wanted to do was scrub my teeth until my gums bled.

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One-hundred percent unsurprisingly, there was a definite correlation between the hygiene rating of an establishment and the edibility of its food. At its best, what I was served had been digestible; at its worst, the plates were of the quality I'd imagine you'd find in an 18th-century borstal.

Of course, the mind is a powerful thing. If you suspect there are thousands of parasites going at it all over your meal, it's probably not going to taste that great. But really, all of this did just straight up taste of raw sewage--I don't think there was a lot of psychological conditioning at play.

Overall, I'd recommend you stay away from restaurants that might give you an intestinal disease. A simple piece of advice, I know, but one that far too many people choose to ignore.

Follow Hannah Ewens on ​Tw​itter

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