Paradox, which premiered at SXSW yesterday, is coming to Netflix March 23. You can thank the streaming giant for the availability of this weird little movie, because I can’t imagine it being distributed any other way. It does raise the question, though, what the hell is Netflix’s game plan for rolling out new film content?

Unlike Bright, Mute, or The Cloverfield Paradox before it, Paradox isn’t some slapdash Hollywood reject. But neither is it the kind of buzz-worthy festival film Netflix has also been racking up of late (think Mudbound, Okja, or The Meyerowitz Stories). Instead, Paradox is an oddball movie that probably won’t attract any awards buzz and certainly won’t garner the 11 million views Bright got in its first three days.

Paradox is directed by Daryl Hannah, best known for acting in movies like Blade Runner, Splash, and Kill Bill. The film’s SXSW blurb calls it a “loud Poem” and a “whimsical western tale of music and love.” These are pretty accurate descriptors. If you go in expecting a clean, linear narrative (as Netflix’s trailer tries to offer), you’ll be disappointed.

The film follows The Man in the Black Hat, your typical western anti-hero, played here by Canadian singer songwriter—and, fun fact, Hannah’s boyfriend since 2014—Neil Young.

Young is an outlaw in the future (and simultaneously the past, because poetry). He and his cowboy gang steal seeds from evil corporations, supporting a matriarchal resistance movement that seeks greater harmony with nature and a move away from corporate control of, among other things, agriculture.

Young is joined onscreen by the members of his band the Promise of the Real, including Willie Nelson’s sons, along with Nelson himself in a brief cameo. The film doubles as a concert film and backstage musical, and its meandering plot is oddly compelling, if unevenly so, propelled by Young’s hypnotic score (coming out in conjunction with the film).

Paradox is described as “cerebral” on its Netflix page, which sums up some of its more obnoxious features. I’m sure the label came from someone in the marketing department, but Paradox does somehow feel like the movie equivalent of a guy who describes himself as cerebral in his Tinder bio. Characters churn out Deep Thoughts like, “Love is like a fart: if you’ve got to force it, it’s probably shit.” But these moments of pop philosophy mostly come off like a cheesy sitcom’s idea of stoner wisdom.

I don’t doubt that those who are going to like Paradox are going to really like it. The coupling of Neil Young’s twangy, rebellious music with western iconography is something of a natural fit. There are even moments that reminded me of Jim Jarmusch’s Dead Man, scored entirely by Young and telling a similarly bleak and dream-like story.

Young has participated in this kind of oddball experimentation before, most notably with his own 2003 concept album Greendale, which was accompanied by a feature film Young shot himself on Super 8 at his California ranch. The film depicted the environmentalism and family drama outlined in the album’s loosely connected songs. The film’s only soundtrack is the album itself, the whole thing serving as a music video of sorts for all 10 songs.

Greendale premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival and made its way through the festival circuit before playing on a few screens here and there (exclusively in repertory cinemas, if memory serves). Like Paradox, Greendale was odd and had what I would generously call a limited appeal. There are still DVD copies floating around online, mostly used or offered by sellers stuck with pristine copies no one’s looking for. As far as I can tell, the film never even got a proper trailer.

And that brings us back to Netflix.

Paradox won’t suffer the same fate. Because Netflix has an odd ability to equalize releases. Maybe that’s an overstatement, as the streaming site does pump money into advertising certain high-profile titles more than others. But the subscription model does mean everything is there, equally available at the stroke of a key.

For all the hand-wringing about Netflix killing theatrical releases, there is something to be said for the opportunity we all have to watch something as niche as Paradox—without just hoping it makes it to one of our increasingly limited arthouse theatre options. There is reason to worry, too. Paramount recently handed the international distribution of Annihilation to Netflix, preventing anyone outside Canada, the US, or China from seeing it on the big screen (though that may also have simply allowed a much larger audience to see it right away).

What we hear about much less are the titles, like Greendale, that never make it out of festivals, where a relatively tiny number of people see them. Paradox may be a weird, messy little movie, but there’s no reason to bury it. This model of distribution/exhibition first made headlines in the late 2000s when IFC started buying movie rights at festivals exclusively for VOD release, bypassing theatrical releases at a time when most of the movie theatres likely to pick up festival fare were shutting down.

And even at Sundance, where most films get picked up for VOD, one out of every five films screened still doesn’t find a home, according to data from 2015.

Netflix’s subscription model and centralized library put it in an even better position to get these titles noticed by the people they might appeal to, versus the pay-per-view format of video on demand.

It’s not clear how this fits with Netflix’s larger plan—or what that larger plan might be. I’ve written before about the rise of terrible straight-to-Netflix movies that similarly seem to benefit from audiences playing it safe with movies already included in the cost of a monthly subscription. But that’s not to say that Paradox is anything like Bright, Mute, or The Cloverfield Paradox. Those films appeal to (or at least are marketed to) the lowest common denominator. They don’t rely on niche interest so much as blunt Hollywood blockbuster gimmicks.

I wish I could explain Paradox as easily. But I can’t tell if Netflix thinks it has a sleeper hit on its hands or if it was just so cheap that someone thought it would be an easy way to pad their library while still having some star power to boast about.

Either way, it’s a movie you can easily see as of next week, and I can’t imagine that being the case just about any other way.

I’m a sucker for the public, big-screen experience of moviegoing, but greater access is definitely not a bad thing.

Follow Frederick Blichert on Twitter.

Desus and Mero may be two lovable guys, but don't think that means you can go around throwing insults at them. On Thursday night's episode of Desus & Mero, DJ Envy learned that the hard way.

When Desus and Mero stopped by The Breakfast Club, all hell broke loose—DJ Envy came out of the gate guns blazing and accused them of disrespecting his wife. For those who don't know, Envy cheated on his wife and then went on talk show The Real to talk about his affair. It seems like Envy doesn't watch the VICELAND show, because he flipped out after hearing Desus make a simple joke at her expense. So after a full month of stewing, the Revolt host went all out and ambushed Desus and Mero, demanding an apology.

Desus said he was sorry and wanted to move past the incident, but that wasn't enough for DJ Envy. After blindsiding the Bodega Boys, Envy stormed out of his own show, making things hella awkward and causing some major controversy.

Of course, the Bronx duo weren't having that. That's why they went on a 13-minute tirade about the experience on their own show, firing shot after shot. Like DJ Akademiks before him, DJ Envy has now made an enemy out of the Bodega Boys. All we have to say is R.I.P.

You can watch last night’s Desus & Mero for free online now, and be sure to catch new episodes weeknights at 11 PM on VICELAND.

Sign up for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily.

This article originally appeared on VICE US.

Journalism is hard. It involves medium hours, not great pay if you aspire to be properly middle class, and plenty of writing. Type-type-fucking-type. It’s exhausting. Even getting to line three of this piece has basically knobbled me. But what if there were a better way? What if the likes of me didn’t have to mop our brows any more? What, for instance, if there were a man in India who could do all this for me?

The call centres went East years ago. Legal and accounts services have since followed. Now, the increasingly popular act of university students paying people in India to write their coursework offers a third wave of outsource. So, when I was asked to write about student essay services, it took all of nine seconds to work out how this article would be pieced together: I was going to use one of the student essay services to do it for me.

Choosing the wallah to carry your sedan chair isn’t always easy though. No sooner had I relinquished the reins of writing, than I found myself in the hated world of management. I was a supervisor now, an editor, if you will. I had to find some dude in Gujarat who was content to prostitute his intellect for 120 rupees an hour. And I needed it to be good. Or else I’d probably have to kill myself.

Well, I’d probably have to write the bulk of the article at the very least.

Initial inquiries proved exhausting. “Oh hi. Are you phoning from Australia?” I asked the rep from Oxbridge Essays – who had a strong Indian accent – when an Oz number flashed up on my phone. “That’s right, Melbourne Australia, sir,” he said. I hadn’t the heart to tell him it was half past midnight in Melbourne Australia.

Another company claimed they were in Oxford Circus. “Oh cool, do you ever go into Liberty’s?” I asked, innocently enough. “I am not authorised to discuss this with you sir,” he blanked back. When I pointed out their company address was actually an off-the-peg PO Box on Regent Street, he unilaterally terminated our livechat. Tough crowd.

In the end, there was nothing for it but to dive in. I found, at random, a company called Essay Writing Lab. Plenty of pleasing UX features on the website. The logo was a laboratory beaker. Great, good, fine.

I selected from a rubric. I’d need a thousand words. They priced per-250. It should probably be done to “Undergraduate Standard” (for more money, they offer Masters and PhD too). That should be fine, given that the average VICE reader apparently has a reading age of a 13-year-old. But to counter-balance that tightness, I’d go for “Platinum Quality”. And it would be an “essay”, not “coursework”, or indeed a “dissertation”. Annoyingly, there was no option for “Nobel Prize”. Again, to keep costs low, I gave them a lazy timescale of a week (they offer to do it in 24 hours). I chose my citation style, entered the genre as "business studies", and as my PayPal account drained of real hard-earned money, I couldn’t help but feel elated.

The sales operator on the livechat told me my topic was doable. “Most of our writers have a PhD level of education,” he said. In fact he called the assignment “a piece of cake”.

To make quite sure, I wrote quite a hefty synopsis, offering my man in Bangalore what the ad world call "the freedom of a tight brief". Here it is:

Write an essay describing the functioning of the paid coursework industry.

Use your own experience wherever possible.
What does a paid coursework business look like in the developing world?
Where are they chiefly situated? What do the workers earn per hour and per month? What are their previous jobs and qualifications? Do they drive cool cars?
What are their working hours? What are the conditions like? Is there still smoking in the break rooms?
Do workers feel happy and psyched on life 24/7 or are they mostly sad and just want a cuddle?
How does the quality of coursework compare between US and UK sites and their counterparts in developing countries?
What are the key scams within the industry?
What are the problems of the industry?
Finally: Defend the ethics of cheating the university system by writing other people’s coursework for them. This part should be no more than 100 words.

Seemed easy enough. I pictured my writer, with whom I was encouraged to communicate through my login on the site, praising the day I’d arrived. This would be baby-candy for him. Write what you know, right?

Not only that, this would be his chance to tell the world how he’d been wronged. Finally, he could work on that great memoir of human suffering he’d been rewriting in his head while he toiled, eyes raw, spine coiled like a question mark, fingers knotty corals of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

Tragically, though, it turns out you just can’t get good help nowadays. Seven days later, I received an email through the site. My outboard brain was having difficulties. He requested an extension, saying he couldn’t find enough reference material.

Hello client,

The paper requires extensive material research. I am having trouble in finding statistical data or reports that compare coursework between US and U.K. sites and their counterparts in India and Parkistan.

Kindly add me some more time to work on this paper. I guarantee high quality work upon delivery.

I happily granted him one: “Yeah sure bud. Take a bit more time. But also – look inside your heart. What's the latest on when you could have it by?”

“I will deliver in 14 hours time,” he said, with interesting precision. Buddy, you should have stayed in bed. Fourteen hours later, I was in receipt of 1136 words, 60 percent of them incomprehensible.

Selected lowlights? Hard to choose. Certainly, the OED-centric opening is the sort of thing that would sink the heart of any academic marker faster than the Bismarck.

Business is described as the selling and buying of services and commodities. It is the key element that drives the economy. Paid coursework industry is categorized under selling and buying of services. Paid course work industry takes numerous forms that entail writing coursework for students in elementary, high school, and higher learning institutions. The industry has grown and gain recognition by both professional tutors who offer the services and clients who are students from various learning institutions. Technology is the ultimate innovation that has provided search engines that present answers to hundreds of students who are in need of the writing services (Curtis & Shani, 2002).

(Curtis & Shani, 2002, is actually a paper called “The Effect Of Taking Term-Time Employment On Students”. Judge for yourself whether that citation is even warranted.)

The writer then goes on to note that:

Competitive advantage is a common phenomenon in the business environment. Given that online platform gives room for new sites to compete with the existing ones, the issue of competitive advantage is deemed to be vital in the verge of competing for clients.

Which is the sort of awesomely dumb tautology I last saw the one afternoon I decided to flick through a Derrida reader.

The nature of paid coursework industry is online based. Technological advancement has made the world a global village where individuals across the world can interact and share ideas using various online platforms.

“Global village?” What are you, Al Gore in 1999? Come on, mate, even BBC Click can do better futurology than that. But it gets worse:

Working hours are 24 hours but the nature of employment is divided into two including partial employment and full employment. Partial employment works for few hours of the day while full employed workers work across the clock.

Having just wasted 37 words in a semantic clinch that would have Gottlob Frege chewing through his pencil, he moves on to perhaps the best of the bunch. There’s something quite poetic about this next part. It twines various different strands of dumbness into one thick rope of stupidity. It’s… well, see for yourself.

Paid coursework industry is lucrative in developing countries. According to statistics, developing countries are struggling to reduce the gap of unemployment. Disparity in currency between developed countries and developing countries makes this venture worth considering given that many professional writers are well educated. A transparent example is between the US Dollar and the Indian rupee. 1 US Dollar is equal to 64.96 Indian Rupee.

“According to statistics?” Why didn’t I ever think of that?

And that closing line? Given that the Japanese Yen is 124 to the Dollar I’d suppose it’s even more lucrative there.

Having made me hate him, though, like any literary master, my courseworker would now turn on the sympathy. This is what they call "arc". It’s Othello turned from proud Moor to addled murderer. It’s Walter White going from schmuckish chemistry dork to psycho meth Grand Poobah. Here it was: the memoir of human sufferings, the Primo Levi money shot, the Solzhenitsyn kicker, the soul laid bare.

Given that paid coursework is a venture that is based online, it has various challenges. Writers work for long hours and they are happy because they make a lot of money, however, there are underlying challenges that are associated with the nature of this work. They often lack social connection which is deemed vital in the life of human beings. Solitude and loneliness are associated with online works because individuals stay for long hours without face to face interaction with friends and relatives. Another major problem is health issues which come with back ache, neck pains, and headache which are associated with long sitting hours without exercise. Writers who stay up for long hours suffer from fatigue and lack of sleep leading to an impaired judgment.

Right. So, he was suffering from impaired judgement due to extreme sleep deprivation.

It made me take stock. I had, in a very conceited way, assumed his conditions to be equal to mine. Instead, here he was, the digital version of a myopic widow darning socks by candlelight. Every day, hustling.

Bootstrapping together first year sociology essays about the influence of Little Mix on teenage sexuality. Sports science majors’ dissertations on Wayne Rooney’s Elastoplasts. Endless repetitive punching-in of the phrase "the medium is the message". What must he think about our dumbed-down culture, hosed down every day with the sewer pipe ex-Polytechnics training C-students to work in marketing for banks? The horror.

The. Horror.

I had come quick to anger, and I had been nothing but wrong in that. Now, there was nothing left but to humble myself, to entrust my happiness to this more enlightened soul. I’d asked, after all, for Essay Writing Lab to round out the hot take with a little moral takeaway. Was paid essay writing cheating the system, as it appeared? Or was it… not, for some weird reason, subject to the same ethical constraints as the rest of civilisation? As ever, my man had an answer, and it was pretty obvious when you thought about it.

It is ethically right to use the services of paid coursework because the advantage of using the services outweighs the disadvantage. It is evident that students who are assisted are highly academic and well acquainted with knowledge since at the end of the semester; they end up sitting for the main exam. In numerous occasions, students use this service to gain insight or format for a certain coursework or due to time constrain. Coursework are produces to provide them with an overview of what should be done.

None of which scrambled syntax and floppy logic allowed me to directly copy-paste this junk over into my editor’s CMS. Aye, sure, scamming lecturers and every honest student is fine, pal. Whatever. But scamming me? You prick.

@gavhaynes

This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

I sat around a table with a few mates. We were drunk and getting deep into each-others’ lives, which eventually led to a conversation about sex. Or more specifically, The Number.

We wrote down our numbers on pieces of torn-up paper, drew them out of a hat, and held them close to our chests like Secret Santas. Then we read them out, one by one, and there was a lot of gasping and giggling. And for some reason it all felt like a big deal.

But why is The Number such a big deal? Everyone has a number. In this context, even 0 is a number. But there’s something about it that gets people worked up, and especially partners. Finding out your partner has slept with loads of people is actually enough to send us running down the street, shoes in hand.

So why do we all care so much? With that in mind, I walked around Melbourne and asked some strangers how many people they’d slept with. That, and what their number meant to them.

Lily 24
Cook

VICE: Hey Lily, how many people have you slept with?
Lily: Recently I've been quite monogamous. Twenty-six is the last number I can remember, and that was probably from when I was 18-19. Since then I've been in relationships, with probably another four or five people between the relationships. So we can safely say around 30.

How would you describe your sex life in general?
Well this is a strange one because I had a strange thing with sexuality—I became sexually active quite young. I thought I was gay. The whole time I thought “hey this is me.” But then I became sort of fluid after 18.

So did you do a lot of experimenting when you were younger?
A lot more then, than now. When I was younger I feel like it was a thing you know, young people just feel like they need to make lists, keep records. Girls had lists.

How do you feel about your number?
When I was younger it was a pride thing. People got into smoking, having sex. Now that I am 24 I am thinking maybe it isn't about pride, but I realise it’s made me who I am.

Who is that?
I am 24. I have time to focus on my career, art, and other things I want to do in my life. And I have a stable relationship. I got it out of my system and I feel really experienced. I feel like I know how to handle myself as an adult, in relationships. I know now when I am being preyed upon—I’m a little smarter about it. I suppose I would say I’m proud.

Henry 22
Chef

How many people have you slept with?
Six people.

Are you proud of that number?
I never thought of it that way, but yeah?

How many of those are one-night stands?
Two one-night stands. Everyone else has been relationship

When was the last time you slept with someone?
Four months ago.

Anita 27
Tattooist

How many people have you slept with?
Probably around 15.

Do you keep a count?
I was asked the question last year, which is why I remember.

Is there anyone you can’t remember on that list?
One, don’t know his name, don't even remember his face. I don’t regret it, it was fun, but I don't think I'd do it again.

So the others, you’re still in touch with now?
I'd say so. They’re either an ex or they become beneficial friendships.

Do you think 15 is a high number?
I'm not too sure whether or not it's a high number. According to my friend it’s quite low. But I'm not embarrassed, simply because most of them were thought out, like I never really go out seeking to have sex. It's just if it happens, it happens.

Jordan 26 and Dan 37 (from left)
Construction workers

How many people have you slept with?
J: I actually don't know the answer to that.
D: I would say I am close to 80-90 something.
J: Shit! Okay I'd say 20 something, maybe 25.

Did you ever keep track?
J: God no, hence why I don't know.

Are you guys proud of your numbers?
D: Nup.
J: Nah.
D: We don't really know them, we don't really talk about it.

When in your lives were you sleeping around the most?
Unanimous: Early 20s

Eda 20
Nutrition Student

How many people have you slept with?
None.

Is there a reason?
Religion.

Which religion is that?
Muslim.

Have you ever been tempted?
No.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable telling people that you haven't slept with anyone?
Never. I have never found myself within a community that has made me feel uncomfortable about it.

Have you ever been asked this question before?
No I haven't.

Ben 25
Hairdresser

How many people have you slept with?
Maybe about 50.

How do you know that?
Just a rough idea I guess, but when you're a bit younger you go a bit crazy don't you. As you get older it kind of levels out a bit. I guess people get a bit more sensible.

When did you level out?
Maybe at 23-24.

Are you proud of your number?
Never really thought of it to be honest, but obviously, none of them were right otherwise I'd still be here with them wouldn't I?

Do you usually sleep with people you want to pursue in that way?
I usually have to be attracted to them, but these days I also see it as: would I go out with them as a girlfriend? That's how I choose them.

Follow Harriet on Instagram

This article originally appeared on VICE AU.

2018 is already a cursed year in many ways, and we can add to that list the fact that St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Saturday.

This means that hordes of white guys with green paint in their beards will be free to start drinking Jameson out of red solo cups in the morning instead of waiting until after typical work hours. The last time this happened the street parties of one mid-size Canadian city escalated to a literal riot that torched cars and pelted cops with bottles.

The good news is, you can choose not to be part of this unfortunate tradition. You have the freedom to make chill plans that will not result in alcohol poisoning, and your local bar staff (not to mention your insides) will likely thank you.

In no particular order, here are some less terrible ways to occupy your time instead of celebrating St. Patrick’s Day.

Watch basketball
It’s March Madness, pal. Fill out a bracket and watch a bunch of “student athletes” work for free because that’s how capitalism works! The NCAA Tournament is one of the most entertaining sports spectacles around, and definitely more fun than watching a bunch of bros turning up in ‘Kiss Me I’m Irish’ shirts.

Start a cleanse
There are some good reasons to start a cleanse, but scientifically-proven health benefits is definitely not one of them. Whether or not you actually believe drinking liquified kale “detoxifies” body organs you can feel especially superior embarking on an alcohol-free week or month when everyone else on the planet is getting wasted beyond repair.

Make some food
Make yourself some good grub, I dunno some Thai curry or shepherd’s pie. Feel good knowing that by staying home you probably won’t be puking it into an alley later in the evening. Bonus points if you make enough for lunch at work the next week you responsible devil, you.

Go to a local sports game and get in a fight in the stands
Why celebrate an Irish tradition when you can celebrate the proud Canadian tradition of going to a minor league sports game, getting all hammed up on some Alberta Premium rye you snuck in, chirping the goalie of the other team only to find out that his cousin is also all hopped up on ‘berta Premium like three rows over, tell said cousin that his family member is a “fucking trash tendy, bud,” let him get all up in your face before saying “Whatcha. Gonna. Do?” and pushing him, from here you and your partner proceed to do the dance of the Great White North meaning that you and him tussle a little bit but because you’re on shitty hockey stands and all revved up on the good stuff from the west so you just kinda fall down.

Here is an example:

Celebrate 4/20
Drinking sucks, so you might as well take advantage of the green theme and celebrate that other holiday dedicated to excessive intoxication. Why not hotbox your best friend’s bathroom and throw on some cartoons? You know you’ll be smoking some anyway to get rid of that St. Paddy’s hangover.

Turn to the Cloud for cautionary tales
Before you grab that bottle, pull out your phone. Whether you’re an Android or Apple user, you’ve got the Cloud—and the Cloud has got you. Scroll right down to March 17th of the past few years and gaze with horror at the trove of drunk pictures you’ve taken. Some are simply intoxicated blurs, while others are shit-faced selfies you’ve taken with people you don’t remember. If you’re lucky, you won’t find any videos that feature your obnoxious voice chanting “Here’s to brother (bro name)” at some poor asshole. Heed the Cloud’s warning.

Finally learn what the fuck a “blockchain” is
If you do this one, can you let me know? I’ve been dying to figure it out.

Prank call a VICE journalist and tell him to cut off his dick
Actually this really happened to me last night, please don't do this.

Do your laundry
You know that pile of clothes that you’ve been moving from your bed to a nearby chair every night? Imagine how good you’ll feel when that wrinkled collection of grease-stained cardigans and jeggings are cleaned and returned to their rightful place in your wardrobe. You can take extra solace knowing none of them will be stained with green beer this evening.

Watch this incredibly depressing movie about the Troubles

Find an empty karaoke bar
Every time you attempt to round up your friends for a night of screaming Beyonce lyrics into a microphone your fave karaoke bar with more Korean than English song selections is always full of people who are definitely more talented than you. It’s likely that all the good singers (or at least the drunkest singers) will be elsewhere on this particular evening, so take advantage of the empty stage and/or private room.

Go to a bar and tell everyone that you hate St Patty’s day while taking part
On second thought, don’t do this you fucking attention-seeking loser.

Go to a Protestant church and find Jesus
The ultimate St. Paddy’s day rebellion.

Read ‘Fire and Fury’
It’s been sitting on your coffee table for months and you’ve been meaning to open it. No better time to become the engaged global citizen your mom wants you to be.

Jerk off all day
We won’t judge.

Reflect on that one St. Patty’s where you attempted Edward Fortyhands
Remember that time you duct-taped two 40-ounce bottles of Olde English 800 to your hands? No. No you don't, you fucking dimwit. Learn from your mistakes.

Listen to the Cranberries No Need to Argue
Another head hangs lowly, a child is slowly taken, and the violence caused such silence, who are we mistaken? But, you see it's not me, it's not my family, in your head, in your head, they are fighting, with their tanks and their bombs, and their bombs and their guns, in your head in your head they are crying, in your head, in your head, zombie, zombie, zombie, ei, ei, what's in your head? In your head, zombie, zombie, zombie ei, ei, ei, oh do do do do do do do do.

Watch Shrek
Firstly, there’s an All-Star cast (haha). We’ve seen Mike Myers’ Scottish accent before, sure, but in this instance the voice really adds emphasis to Shrek’s position as an outsider at the outset of the film. He’s the only one with a Scottish accent and he lives alone in a swamp. Coincidence? Nay, clever artistic choice. Then you’ve got Eddie Murphy. As one of the most memorable sidekick characters ever written, Donkey is a difficult character to nail. And yet, Murphy’s performance brings the character to life with an annoyance and likeability that couldn’t be achieved by a lesser comedian. Honestly, it’s just such a fantastic movie. I understand that Shrek has taken on a whole other life in the last few years in the wake of viral videos like Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life and other equally inane memes, but it’s important to remind yourself that it’s actually a great movie.

Literally anything
Live your life, friend.

Everything you need to know about the world this morning, curated by VICE.

US News

Miami Bridge Collapses, Killing at Least SIx
At least nine other people were injured when the new pedestrian walkway collapsed onto an eight-lane road Thursday. The structure was installed in just six hours at Florida International University on Saturday using an “accelerated” construction process.—The New York Times

Trump's New Opioid Plan: Death Penalty for Dealers
The president was slated to unveil his much-anticipated opioid crisis strategy in New Hampshire on Monday. Among other things, the president was was reportedly planning to ask lawmakers to introduce the death penalty for high-level drug dealers. GOP Rep. Chris Collins said he was “all in on the capital punishment side for those offenses that would warrant that." Trump was also expected to outline how $6 billion might be spent on treatment and education.—Politico / NBC News

White House Denies H.R. McMaster Is Getting Fired
Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said the president and his national security adviser had “a good working relationship,” despite five anonymous sources suggesting Trump had already made up his mind to get rid of McMaster. John Bolton, the George W. Bush-era US ambassador to the UN, was believed to be one candidate who could replace him.—The Washington Post

US Helicopter Crashes in Iraq, Killing Seven
An HH-60 Pave Hawk helicopter carrying seven American service personnel went down near the city of Qaim on Thursday. The cause of the crash was not immediately clear.—CNN

International News

Exodus in Syria as Civilians Flee Besieged Areas
About 20,000 residents left their homes in Eastern Ghouta on Thursday as government forces moved deeper into the rebel-held territory, according to the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights. The monitoring group said around 30,000 civilians have left the northern city of Afrin since Wednesday. Turkish forces were attempting to push Kurdish fighters out of the city.—BBC News / Al Jazeera

Dalai Lama Compares Tibet and China to Europe
The Tibetan Buddhist leader said his homeland could coexist with China in the same way European states coexist within the European Union. “Common interest [is] more important rather than one’s own national interest,” he said. “With that kind of concept, I am very much willing to remain within the People’s Republic of China.”—Reuters

Slovakian Prime Minister Quits Over Murdered Journalist
Robert Fico announced his resignation on Thursday after facing mounting political pressure over the fatal shooting of investigative reporter Jan Kuciak and his partner Martina Kusnirova at their home. Kuciak, 27, had revealed business ties between one of the prime minister’s aides and an alleged member of the mafia.—VICE News

Drive-By Shooting of Politician Sparks Protests Across Brazil
Thousands rallied in Rio de Janeiro and elsewhere in Brazil after city councilor Marielle Franco and her driver were fatally shot in their car on Wednesday. Franco, 38, had campaigned against police officers’ use of force in the favelas. Police said her death appeared to be a planned attack.—The Guardian / Broadly

Everything Else

Rihanna Denounces Snapchat Ad
The star slammed Snapchat after the company ran an ad asking users whether they would rather “slap Rihanna” or “punch Chris Brown." Rihanna said on Instagram that the ad “made a joke” out of domestic violence. “You let us down!" she said. "Shame on you.”—Noisey

Ava DuVernay to Direct DC Superhero Movie
The acclaimed writer and director has agreed to take charge of The New Gods, a Warner Bros. and DC movie project based on the comic book by Jack Kirby. The story featured in Kirby’s “Fourth World Saga” series is about warring planets.—The Hollywood Reporter

CBS Schedules Air Date for Stormy Daniels Interview
The network was said to be ready to run its 60 Minutes interview with the adult actress on March 25. Her lawyer Michael Avenatti had previously bolstered speculation that Trump’s lawyers would try to stop any broadcast involving allegations of sexual relations.—The Washington Post

Danny Boyle Could Helm the Next James Bond Movie
The director of Trainspotting and Slumdog Millionaire said he and screenwriter John Hodge were collaborating on a 25th film in the Bond franchise. “We are working on a script at the moment, we’ll see what happens,” said Boyle.—The Guardian

Vanessa Trump Is Divorcing Don Jr.
The president’s daughter-in-law reportedly filed for divorce in Manhattan Supreme Court. The couple, married 13 years ago, were thought to have been living apart for some time.—VICE News

Former ESPN President Reveals He Quit Over Extortion Plot
John Skipper explained he stepped down from the network in December because a cocaine dealer tried to extort him. Skipper has received help for his cocaine addiction and said he had “acted foolishly."—VICE Sports

Make sure to check out the latest episode of VICE's daily podcast. Today we look at a watershed moment for gun control back in the 90s, and the ripple effect it had on today’s gun debate.

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It's finally happening. After six years off the air, MTV is bringing Pauly D, Ronnie, JWoww, Mike "The Situation," Vinny, Deena, and Snooki together again for a Jersey Shore reunion this April—and from the look of the new trailer that dropped Thursday, everyone is back on their bullshit.

Everybody's a little older and a little lumpier now, but they're all as sloppy as ever. The minute-and-a-half-long trailer for Jersey Shore Family Vacation is a whirlwind of drinking, fist pumps, sweaty hugs, and a few incoherent screams as the whole crew—minus Sammi—makes their glorious reunion in Miami for some inexplicable reason.

This new trailer isn't much more in-depth than that lightning-fast teaser we saw a few months back, but at least it gives us a whole lot of bonkers soundbites to make sure we know that this isn't going to be some stolid, Big Chill-style reunion. They may all be around 30 with kids and white-collar crime charges now, but that's apparently all the more reason to go "harder than [they've] ever gone before."

"We're older, but I don't think many of us are wiser," Ronnie says in the trailer.

"As we age, we just get more... delinquency? What's the word?" Snooki adds, before the thing cuts to a shot of her downing a beer bong and then sipping pickle juice out of a massive jar, because why not?

"I feel like we're classy now," JWoww says at one point. Uh, it doesn't really look like it, which is good news all around. The first season of Jersey Shore Family Vacation hits MTV on April 5. It's already been picked up for a second season, so get ready for more Jersey Shore until The Situation's in a nursing home and JWoww has grandkids or whatever. Yeah, buddy!

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Related: Vinny from 'Jersey Shore' Is a Secret Climate Change Nerd

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A Radio-Canada reporter was arrested in Gatineau, Quebec, after he asked a woman he was investigating for an interview.

Antoine Trépanier was arrested—but not charged—on Tuesday after he requested an interview with Yvonne Dubé, executive director of Big Brothers and Big Sisters Outaouais, according to Radio-Canada.

Trépanier’s investigation found that Dubé had illegally practiced law. He reached out to Dubé on Monday, Radio-Canada says, and the two chatted for 20 minutes before he asked her if she wanted to do an on-camera interview. Dubé agreed but bailed on the interview. Trépanier emailed her on Tuesday giving her another chance to respond to his story. By Tuesday night, Police Service of the City of Gatineau (SPVG) called to advise him to report to the police station because he was under arrest for criminal harassment.

According to an SPVG press release about the “arrest of a journalist,” a woman came into see cops on Tuesday, reporting that she “was being threatened by a man.”

“The alleged victim wrote a formal statement indicating fear for her safety as a result of threats received and repeated communications from a man.”

The cops said they called the individual to inform him he was arrested after “judging the credible statement and following the analysis of the evidence.”

Trépanier went to see police and was released on a promise to appear. He must also adhere to conditions including refraining from contacting Dubé.

VICE reached out to Dubé for comment and was told she will be holding a press conference Monday. The SPVG are expected to host a press conference later today on criminal harassment complaints. In their statement, they said “under no circumstances… has the SPVG intended to interfere with a journalist in the exercise of his duties and to restrict his freedom of press.”

Radio-Canada said the arrest is unfounded and that Trépanier “was 100% respectful of CBC standards and journalistic practices.”

In a statement, the Canadian Journalists For Freedom of Expression called on Gatineau’s Director of Criminal and Penal Prosecutions to withhold charges against Trépanier.

"Charging a journalist for doing their job, which involves asking difficult questions in a proactive fashion, would set a chilling precedent, eroding conditions for free expression in journalism," the statement said.

The Commission recommended Quebec adopt legislation to protect journalist sources.

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It's been months since Rick and Morty went off the air, and it will be "a reeeeally long time" until we get some new episodes, but thankfully Run the Jewels swooped in with something to tide us over in the meantime. Their new music video for "Oh, Mama" is sweet, sweet elixir for our snappy sci-fi reference and violence-parched eyeballs.

Rick and Morty face down insectoid Gromflomite mobsters in the three-and-a-half-minute gore-fest, which is kind of like Pulp Fiction without all the developed characters, subplots, time shifts, and BDSM. And it has more aliens. Black tie Rick and Morty—a spitting image of Vincent and Jules—search for a suitcase with mysterious, glowing contents while El-P and Killer Mike's adrenaline-pumped banger from RTJ3 blares in the background. The video is by Juan Meza-León, who directed three of the Adult Swim hit's wildest episodes.

The network dropped the music video to announce that Run the Jewels is headlining the first Adult Swim Festival on October 6 and 7 at the Row DTLA. This isn't the first time the Rickstaverse has broken out of its 30-minute sitcom timeslot. Rick and Morty have starred in Adult Swim interstitials, murdered the Simpsons , wished viewers a happy Thanksgiving, tripped balls, and inadvertently taken over an international fast food chain. And just last week, the diabolical super scientist and his grandson unveiled Logic's new album.

Adult Swim representatives insist that Rick and Morty Season 4 is coming, but there hasn't been an official announcement yet, and by all accounts, the show hasn't even begun production. Still, if branded tidbits like this are all the gloopy Rick and Morty goodness we're getting for now, we'll take it.

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Last month, 29-year-old Cambridge graduate Matthew Falder was sentenced to 32 years in prison for a list of sadistic offenses that included blackmail, voyeurism, making indecent images of children, and encouraging the rape of a child. Many of these crimes had occurred via the dark web, where Falder was part of a virtual community of vicious abusers. His crimes became a stark reminder that beneath the anonymity of the dark web, amid the drug buying and the privacy freedoms, lie unspeakable horrors.

It was into this murky zone—teeming with rumors of secret government files and gladiatorial fights to the death—that journalist and blogger Eileen Ormsby propelled herself. A disillusioned corporate lawyer turned writer from Australia, Eileen’s new book, The Darkest Web, is the story of her journey, from drug markets and contract killing sites to the Internet’s seediest alcoves. But the most startling moments of the book happen when she comes face-to-face with some of its key players.

I spoke to Eileen about her trip into the dark web’s soul and what this secretive domain really says about us.

VICE: How important is secrecy to the dark web community?
Eileen: Anonymity is sacrosanct on the dark web. Doxxing is considered the most heinous of crimes. The dark web provides a place where members can give themselves a name and identity that becomes their own. They are confident that they will not be identified in real life, nor will their meeting place be shut down. There is a strong community. These tools mean that like-minded people can get together for more nefarious purposes, safe in the knowledge that they can’t be tracked. That can be a good thing and it can also be used for bad.

Is the dark web community closed off from the real world?
Our lives are so online now that the online world is the real world. There’s no line between them. The thing that marks the dark web out is its cloak of secrecy, and what that makes people do. In some ways, it can be good. It gives people a voice who wouldn’t normally have one. It is used by whistle-blowers or people in oppressive countries.

But it can also make people do things they would never do in their real lives or would never admit to. The computer nerd who has never hit someone in their life can suddenly be a kingpin. The people on the dark web are not as physically scary and intimidating as the people in the underworld, but if someone can order a murder at the touch of a button, maybe you don’t have to be.

You investigated "Lux" a.k.a. Matthew Graham, the young man who ran the dark web’s worst pedophile and "hurtcore" sites from his bedroom in Melbourne. You were at his sentencing hearing in 2016, where the judge described him as “pure evil.” What did you make of him?
The main thing about him is that he was a pathetic, friendless, sad little boy. He was very socially inept. He had a lot of issues and this was his way of being important and being somebody. But he was a pathetic loser. It’s almost sad except that he was so heinous you can’t actually feel sorry for him. [There was] no evidence his parents had no idea. I saw his father at those court sessions. He was just a broken man, listening to what his son was doing under his very nose. It was quite devastating to watch.

What kind of people made up the "hurtcore" communities?
It is unfathomable what evil people are capable of. But what is really frightening is how otherwise normal they seem to be. You would think there would have to be something that gives them away, but they seem to be rational, intelligent, and not necessarily lacking in social skills. It’s terrifying.

Is there a common thread linking people who are active on the dark web?
You have to have a certain amount of technical savvy to be on there. It does tend to be more white-collar people, overwhelmingly male, very much from Western, English-speaking countries—mainly USA, Europe, and the UK. The language used on most of the dark web is English, although now there are quite a lot of Russian speaking forums on there.

You contacted some of the dark web’s fabled contract killer sites as part of your investigation. Did you have to provide them with a target?
To test one of the sites out, I pretended I wanted to hire them to kill an ex-husband of mine. He was already dead so it was safe to send his picture and details. I just wanted to see how the process went. I wasn’t convinced it was genuine.

You sneaked into the back door of Besa Mafia, the biggest contract killing website on the dark web. How did that go?
Besa Mafia was a very slick site that many people on the dark web thought was genuine. Using some hacked files my UK friend Chris Monteiro found on the internet, we gained access to the site’s database and inbox. It got a little disconcerting when the site’s owner started threatening me with violence. He seemed to be getting a little unhinged.

The database showed a list of real people who were willing to pay to get people killed. What did you do?
Around two dozen people had paid Besa Mafia thousands of dollars in Bitcoin to have people killed. Mostly it was husband and wife situations or scorned lovers, with a mix of male and females, from all over the world. Monteiro and I contacted the police and sent them the link to the database.

The police were very slow to react. We kept getting police saying "who cares, it’s a scam." But the point was there were all these people out there paying very real money in very large sums to carry out violence and murders. Amazingly, the thanks Monteiro got for helping the British police out was to have his door busted down by the National Crime Agency. He was in custody for 48 hours before the police realized what they had done.

In the book you go deep into the Silk Road saga. What did you make of Ross Ulbricht ordering people to be killed?
For a couple of year, I drank the Kool-Aid. I really believed in his vision and what he was doing with Silk Road. So after he was arrested when the police said he had ordered hits, even though we know the hits were not carried out, I didn’t believe it. I thought it was just part of the government’s narrative to turn people against him because he had this cultlike following. To find out that it actually happened was devastating. You make excuses that he was backed into a corner but the fact is, for all his talk of being a peace-seeking libertarian and someone who was providing a violence-free environment to buy drugs, he was willing to use violence to protect his empire. I’m disappointed.

What advice would you give to people exploring the dark web for the first time?
Outside of the established markets, and even inside sometimes, nearly every site that wants your cryptocurrency will take it and give you nothing in return. Dark net market users have to be constantly on alert that they don't log in to one of the plethoras of phishing sites that will clean out their Bitcoin accounts.

The number one thing is do your research. Read everything you can before you get on there. Look at the dark net markets on Reddit. Get an idea of what’s real and what’s not real and what sort of scams are out there. If you go into the dark web and click on the first link you find, it’s going to be a phishing link. Don’t click on links you don’t know where they go because you might bump into all sorts of things you don’t want to see and can’t unsee.

What’s the likelihood of being caught buying drugs online?
If you are buying personal amounts, the likelihood it is very, very low. Especially if you buy from someone in your own country. It is going to come in a plain business package that is indistinguishable from the billions of other business packages that are circulating the world that day. It’s going to be sealed in a moisture barrier bag so the dogs can’t smell it. You are more likely to be caught if it’s coming from a highly-flagged country like the Netherlands.

Is it true dark web drug markets have become more chaotic in the last few years?
I think the golden era of Silk Road might be over. The dark net markets are in disarray. The markets that came after Silk Road were much bigger, but they didn’t care what they sold. Half of the owners just packed up and left as soon as they had made enough money and there have been so many law enforcement shutdowns.

You are getting much smaller, de-centralized markets now. No one trusts anyone to hold all that bitcoin in escrow anymore. That whole system that worked perfectly with Silk Road is no longer working for people. They don’t have the integrity, nor the stability of Silk Road. Whatever else Ross Ulbricht did, he tried to run Silk Road as honestly as possible. He looked out for his customers and his vendors.

Of course, Silk Road’s other legacy is the rise of Bitcoin. It was worth less than a dollar when Silk Road started. Silk Road really showed the utility of a stable decentralized cryptocurrency. Bitcoin no longer relies on the dark net markets for its value, in fact, it’s losing favor as the currency of choice for the dark web, but it would not have gotten where it is today without Silk Road.

Do you think the online drug market will shrink?
If people get ripped off often enough or they find it too difficult, they are going to go back to their old ways of buying drugs. So online drug markets may get less popular. I think there’s going to be a small core of sellers, particularly the ones selling softer drugs such as cannabis, MDMA, and LSD who will continue to do really well.

Supporters of the dark web say it’s a vital space for online freedom and privacy. Is that just an excuse?
I don’t think we’re being paranoid enough to be honest. Every time you click on something that algorithm is going somewhere—it’s telling them a little bit more about you, and they are all selling it to one another. I think we’ve given up so much and we’ve given it up without even realizing it and now we can’t put that genie back in the bottle. Kids now have grown up not knowing any privacy at all. They put everything online, that’s just normal for them. We don’t know how much we’re being aggregated behind the scenes or how that information will be used in the future.

How do you see the dark web’s future?
I do think we have moved into a post-privacy world almost without noticing it. Many people would be content to give up their privacy for the sake of easy living. But I think we will see a much stronger movement seeking to regain control of their information because some people just don’t want to give up all their information to marketers. Privacy tools such as those provided by the dark web will be more integrated into tech so that we can decide just how much we are willing to give up.

What’s the best site on the dark web?
I can’t tell you the name, but I like to call it a little corner of rainbows and happiness in the dark web. It’s a place where psychonauts get together—it is for people into their psychedelics. It’s full of nice people talking about nice things.

The Darkest Web by Eileen Ormsby was published on March 14 by Allen & Unwin.

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A 20-year-old man named Drayton Dwayne Preston was sentenced to 26 months in prison in a Calgary court on Tuesday for sexual assaulting a teenage girl. Preston broke into the girl’s bedroom, raped her, and returned to sexually assault her twice in the early morning of July 30, 2016 following a party, according to an agreed statement of facts reported by CBC. During the attack, the victim was at times passed out drunk. Preston recorded video of the assault and took photos of her genitalia on her phone. Then, he posted these on Facebook.

Later, in a pre-sentence psychiatric evaluation presented by the Crown in court, Preston talked about “feeling sorry for himself."

Preston pleaded guilty to one count of sexual assault. He also was originally charged with voyeurism, but that charge was dropped.

The case has prompted international outrage, with many wondering how it’s possible that a seemingly clear-cut case—in which there was photographic and video evidence—could result in such a short sentence.

Sexual assault cases are notoriously difficult to prosecute, with only one in 10 that are reported to police in Canada resulting in a conviction. This reality, combined with the fact that testifying in court is often re-traumatizing for victims, could explain why plea deals with light sentences are accepted. When tried as an indictable offence in Canada, the maximum sentence for sexual assault is 10 years. However, pleading guilty can result in a lighter sentence because it saves the court resources and the victim from going through a trial.

Nonetheless, these outcomes are a slap in the face, say victims’ advocates.

“I’m surprised the Crown actually agreed on this sentence… It’s not in-tune with the devastating impact sexual violence has—it’s not even close to it,” Glen Canning, the father of Rehtaeh Parsons, told VICE.

The Rehtaeh Parsons case is a known example of how police and the Canadian justice system fail sexual assault victims. Canning’s daughter died at age 17 in hospital following a suicide attempt, after four boys allegedly sexually assaulted her at a party in 2011 and distributed a photo of the attack. She was 15 at the time. The photo was widely circulated at Parsons’ school, and she was subject to intense bullying. In 2014 and 2015, two men were convicted of child pornography charges for taking and sharing the photo and sentenced to probation. One of the men received a conditional discharge, meaning that his conviction won’t show on his criminal record unless he violates probation; the other’s conviction will only be on his record for five years after conviction. Sexual assault charges were never laid. An independent review later found errors in the police’s and the Crown’s handling of the case.

Canning said the outcome of Preston’s case is disturbing.

“All I’m thinking is that this guy is going to do something like this again,” Canning said.

Preston’s sentencing judge, Gord Wong, accepted a joint Crown and defence submission for the 26-month prison term, but suggested that several factors could have warranted a harsher sentence. Preston will also be on the sex offender registry for 20 years.

“You knew she was in no position to consent, but you decided to take advantage of the situation,” Wong said when handing down the decision. "You're not satisfied with committing this sexual offence, you go ahead and use someone else's phone to take photos... send it back to yourself and post it to Facebook.”

Preston, who was under house arrest prior to his sentencing, also failed to attend court twice and breached the conditions of his arrest several times.

Canning said the fact that Preston documented the attack makes it seem as if he was gloating.

”It was almost like he was saying ‘I’m raping someone,’ but on top of that, ‘I’m so glad that I am’—to do that, to actually almost celebrate it like he did,” Canning said. “To turn around and give him 26 months, that’s terrible.”

Barb MacQuarrie, community director at Western University's Centre for Research and Education on Violence against Women and Children, told VICE the case is another example of the Canadian justice system falling short for victims of sexual violence.

“We really have to have a long, hard look at our justice system’s response to sexual violence and need to question it at many, many levels about its ability to deliver justice to survivors,” MacQuarrie said.

MacQuarrie referenced how many survivors never see their abusers convicted in court, but even when they do—as in this case—that ”in proportion to the crime committed, [the sentence] seems quite inadequate.”

“All I can think is that our justice system has no idea of the impacts of a sexual assault like that,” MacQuarrie said. She said having photos and video distributed via social media “can only magnify” that impact for the victim.

“This could completely destroy her and leave her with all kinds of mental health issues,” Canning said of Preston’s victim.

MacQuarrie would like to see a significant inquiry that would look at all aspects of how the justice system is failing sexual violence victims. This would include, she suggested, speaking to victims, their support people, lawyers, and judges and taking “a considered, measured approach” that acknowledges that “things aren’t good, and things have to change.”

“In theory, our justice system is about rehabilitation,” MacQuarrie said. “Two years is not going to rehabilitate that man… He is going to continue to be a danger to society.”

Burritos are the pinnacle of food technology. They're glorious, bean-and-rice presents gift-wrapped in a tortilla—delicious, portable, and endlessly variable. Nothing prepares the human body to greet the day like a breakfast burrito, and nothing caps off a late night as well as a California burrito stuffed with fries. But like all great things, even the magnificent, overstuffed power meals can lose their luster over time, apparently.

This week—after over a year of daily burritos, quesadillas, and taco bowls—a guy who ate at Chipotle for 500 days straight finally decided to end his streak and "eat something new," the Associated Press reports.

The man, Bruce Wayne—no relation—broke the previous Chipotle-eating record of 425 days back in December. To celebrate the kind of horrifying accomplishment of ingesting Chipotle 426 days in a row and surviving, the Mexican food chain donated $4,260 to charity in Wayne's name. But the guy was apparently hungry for more than a record, so he just kept going. Now, finally, it looks like he's had his fill.

Wayne donned a full leather Batman costume in honour of his 500th and final Chipotle meal because, as he told the Courier, "I always said that I would finish the challenge as I started it, and that’s in the batsuit." He's also named "Bruce Wayne," so there's that.

"What a perfect end to an amazing journey," Wayne wrote in an Instagram post celebrating the end of his Chipotle marathon. "Thank you SO very much @chipotlemexicangrill for memories that will last forever!"

Apparently Chipotle has gotten a handle on that whole E. coli thing, since Wayne's Instagram doesn't make any mention of "pooping blood"—or at least nothing bad enough to dissuade him from his 500-day streak.

"Tomorrow isn’t just the end of one adventure; it’s the start of a new one," Wayne wrote in an earlier post about his 499th meal. It's unclear what exactly that new journey will be, but there are plenty of better spots out there with actually edible queso if he's still in the mood for Mexican.

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When you have a disability, people are quick to suggest finding a partner who also has a disability. I’ve dealt with my fair share of rejection, but what irks me is when people say that I should “settle” for “one of my kind.” As someone with cerebral palsy, I’ve always been tickled by the idea of having an able-bodied partner. I’ve had relationships with women who are able-bodied and women who have disabilities, and they were interesting experiences that have formed long-lasting memories. After reading Ben Mattlin’s new book about differently-abled relationships, In Sickness and In Health (Beacon Press), I realized that I just want what everyone wants: to be desirable and lusted after, but ultimately to form the kind of connection with someone that leads to a life together.

In Sickness and In Health is more than Mattlin’s “inspiring” story—though it certainly is inspiring. It’s a book about how a man born with spinal muscular atrophy, a congenital and incurable neuromuscular condition, survived childhood, graduated from Harvard, married an able-bodied woman, built a family with two daughters, a cat, and a turtle, established a successful career in journalism, and ended up living as happily ever after as it gets. Recently, I reached out to Mattlin to discuss his life, his book, and his secrets for a successful differently-abled relationship.

VICE: What can you tell me about yourself?
Ben Mattlin: I was born and raised in New York City, with a neuromuscular weakness called spinal muscular atrophy (type two, to be specific). I never walked or stood at all, and no longer have the use of my hands.

My parents insisted on my going to a private school, which wasn't easy in those days. Regular schools did not want to take a kid in a wheelchair. I became a reluctant pioneer.

So I was "mainstreamed," as they used to say—I prefer to say integrated. Anyway, I ended up going to Harvard. At the time, I was the only wheelchair-using undergrad. After graduation, I moved to Los Angeles with my then-girlfriend, now wife. That was 32 years ago, unbelievably. My wife and I have two daughters, now both in college.

How did you start your career?
Because no one would hire me, except on a per-assignment basis, I became a freelance journalist and essayist. I've written for many different financial magazines and websites, and my commentaries have been published in the New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, USA Today, and elsewhere, as well as broadcast on NPR.

To date, I've also written two books: the memoir, Miracle Boy Grows Up: How the Disability Rights Revolution Saved My Sanity, and now, hot off the presses, In Sickness and In Health, in which I explore interabled relationships through the prism of my own marriage.

How did the idea for In Sickness and In Health come about?
In a dream…

No, my first book dealt with growing up and more-or-less ended with my marriage. I began hearing from readers that they wanted to know more about my marriage. But I couldn't do that—I was too close to it. After all, I was living it every day.

Then I got to thinking that maybe there were some important, related issues that should be brought out. Issues of dependency and autonomy. Of sharing and privacy. I didn't want to hold my marriage up as some kind of model of interabled perfection, though. So I started talking to other couples. At the same time, I realized that I did have some questions about my own relationship: How had it worked for so long? Was it just something quirky about us, or did we share elements with other successful interabled couples?

As I described these and other quandaries to friends, they were all really encouraging about it as a book idea. Then I had to work out how to organize my research, how to make it into a good book. And, of course, when and how to reveal the identity of the murderer!

So what’s the key to a successful interabled relationship?
I wish I had an easy answer. Relationships are complex. What works in an interabled relationship is the same as what works in any other kind of relationship, I suppose: good communication, empathy, generosity, trust, respect, kindness, a sense of humor, open-mindedness, sharing, helpfulness, etc.

One important thing to keep in mind, though, is to be honest about the disability—or, I should say, about the difference between the one who has a disability and the one who doesn't. It's vital to talk about concerns and fears, but not in a way that will be needlessly hurtful to your partner. Both sides have to try to see things from the other's point of view. Also, money helps. Seriously: having adequate financial resources can make all the difference. Wheelchairs and attendants and other necessities are expensive.

And remember, when things get rough, don't blame the disability for all your troubles. Both partners can share in blaming unnecessary obstacles, and the unfairness of society in general. That can be a bonding experience, but it's not the disability's fault if, say, it's difficult to go out at night because the buses and nightclubs aren't accessible, or if you need a break from each other but have no way to pay for personal-care assistance. This is why we need to keep working on making our culture more welcoming, accepting, and supportive of people with disabilities.

How does having a disability affect sexuality and sensuality?
My particular disability doesn't affect my sexual functioning. It's true that many of us with disabilities are often accosted by strangers. Touched—even in intimate places—by personal-care assistants, doctors, or even strangers who wish us well and pat us on the back or rub our heads (seriously). That is, we are touched in ways that others aren't.

People apparently feel like it doesn't mean anything to make skin contact with us. But it does! It can make us feel objectified, infantilized, de-sexualized.

So many disabled folks feel a frustrated sense of sensuality or, to put it another way, a heightened sense of sensuality. It can make you really appreciate being touched or otherwise regarded in a sexual/sensual way when it does happen.

Does your new book smash stigmas surrounding sex and disability?
Maybe, but my book isn't just about sex. Maybe I shouldn't say that. It's got sex! Sex! Sex!! It's also about relationships, about how people who are unalike in a fundamental way manage to find common ground and more. There is a stigma around romantic relationships for and with disabled people, and yes, I hope the book at least makes people question their prejudices.

And by the way, there are many single disabled people who hold those prejudices, too—who believe they'll never find a romantic partner. My message is, it might not be easy, but it is possible and, as I found in researching this book, it happens all the time.

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.

An officer who has served on the RCMP for almost 20 years is suing the force for “systematic harassment” he alleges started when he attempted to flag misdeeds by fellow officers.

In documents filed for his civil suit in BC Supreme Court, Ryan Letnes alleges serious misconduct by his fellow officers at the Airdrie RCMP detachment, which include withholding evidence and unlawfully laying charges.

As the CBC first reported, Letnes has also filed a case before the BC Human Rights tribunal regarding systematic discrimination arising from an eyesight disability—the tribunal has agreed to see the case.

The RCMP told VICE it could not comment on the lawsuit since the matter is before the courts.

The court filings for the civil case allege that Letnes began to be harassed when he attempted to blow the whistle on misconduct within the detachment including “intentionally laying criminal charges where there were no reasonable grounds,” withholding important documents from the Crown, and treating supervisor reports as “interpersonal grievance documents.” The lawsuit states Letnes brought these issues up to his superiors and as a result they systematically harassed him for close to a decade.

The civil claim paints a picture of a completely broken workplace where employees would actively attempt to demean and embarrass officers over petty grudges. Letnes, who was a watch commander during much of his time in Airdrie, claims that he was investigated by the RCMP as a result of flagging his fellow officers conduct, he alleges, and he had a GPS device put on his vehicle, was actively surveilled at his home by other officers. He said the two main harassers had interfered with his investigation into a “high-risk sex offender who had kidnapped a child.”

The lawsuit claims that, in 2012, Letnes sent a letter outlining his experiences to the Deputy Commissioner of the RCMP in confidence but that letter was shared with those who were harassing him. Within a few months, Letnes alleges in the lawsuit he was transferred to a BC detachment on the request of one of the harassing officers.

"Ryan saw wrongdoing taking place at a detachment that he worked at, he tried to bring it to the attention of people that should have taken action but [instead] he became a target and that eventually led him to filing this lawsuit,” said Rob Creasser, a media liaison officer for the Mounted Police Professional Association of Canada (MPPAC). The group—which is trying to unionize the RCMP and one that Letnes is a member of—is seeking interested party status in the case. Creasser told VICE that the ramifications of this case could ripple through the entire organizational structure of the RCMP.

The case before the human rights tribunal alleges that Letnes, who suffers from an eye condition that causes poor vision which arose in 2014, was discriminated against as a result of his disability—the complaint doesn’t specify what caused the condition. The lawsuit outlines that Letnes was passed over for administrative role promotions by co-workers who did not have disabilities—even if he was the recommended person for the promotion. Furthermore, Letnes attests that he faced systematic harassment because of his disability.

"There are procedures and policies within the RCMP that are being ignored in terms of finding people with disabilities positions that make them feel like a valuable part of the organization," said Creasser, noting he believes the RCMP is taking advantage of the fact that there is no union in place to fight for employees’ rights. "In Ryan's case, he wasn't accommodated in any way—he felt he [was capable of doing] work and wasn't afforded any opportunity to."

This is not the first time the RCMP has come under scrutiny for workplace harassment. In 2016, the federal police force paid out more than $100 million to hundreds of female employees who had been harassed as the result of a class action lawsuit. At the time, RCMP Commissioner Bob Paulson said that the force needed to address an underlying “culture of bullying and intimidation and general harassment.” Creasser said one of the biggest issues RCMP culture is the people in charge don’t have a reason to change.

"I think that nothing is going to happen if you try and ask the people that have benefited the most by the culture itself to change it," said Creasser. "They're not going to dig in their own backyard. There has to be a movement from the ground up."

"We believe that cases like this are going to continue to come forward until change comes."

You can read Letnes’ civil filings here and his human rights filings here.

Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter.

Last week, the stars aligned, the heavens opened up, and the gods of all that is good and pure in this world blessed us with a batshit crazy video of Tommy Wiseau doing an impression of the Joker. The idea of anyone actually letting the strange, implacably foreign man behind The Room star in a Batman movie is a long shot—but, thanks to the wonders of the internet, it just became a reality.

Some saint took the liberty of editing Wiseau’s turn as the Joker into a few scenes from The Dark Knight, AV Club reports. The end product is terrifying, vaguely nauseating, and strangely funny. Above all else, it is fucking awesome.

Sure, Heath Ledger made that iconic scene where he slits a dude's cheeks open pretty spooky—but there's something uniquely horrifying about seeing Wiseau mumble "Why so serious?" before he grabs the guy and hoarsely rattles out, "Let's put a smile... on this face!"

The best scenes here are the ones where Wiseau just absolutely butchers—or, depending on your taste, enhances—the dialogue with his tenuous grasp on the English language. Take, for instance, the moment he's supposed to say, "I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger," and delivers this gem instead: "What doesn't kill you make you stranger!"

But the true pinnacle of his performance comes when he veers completely off-script, getting so into character he invents a line of his own.

"I'm a joker," he screams on the streets of Gotham, "and joke is on you!"

Sadly, this is probably the closest we'll ever get to seeing Wiseau join the DC universe, but who knows? With a Joker origin film in the works, maybe he'll get tapped for the role. Nobody seems to want it as badly as he does.

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.

This post contains spoilers for the March 15 episode of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars.

On the final episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3, the eliminated queens had the unique ability to vote for which of the final four queens would get to engage in a lip sync battle for the ultimate $100,000 prize. (And, let us not forget, a year’s supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics.) When Morgan McMichaels announced that it would be Kennedy Davenport and Trixie Mattel squaring off, the look on Trixie’s face was one of shock, awe, and something like when you know you have to poop but can’t find a public rest room.

Trixie was the one who ultimately came out on top. We spoke to the winner (and VICELAND star) about that twist, how this season was emotional for her, and just how the hell Katya is doing after taking a sabbatical.

VICE: Hi Trixie Mattel!
Trixie Mattel: My name is Brian too, so for this interview how about you just call me Winner?

Hello, Winner, how are you today?
Winner: I’m really good. I’m ironing—real winner behavior—my shitty little yellow 60s dress for a meet and greet tonight. I’m staying humble, operating irons in a moderately price hotel room.

You all seemed shocked when Morgan announced the final two were you and Kennedy. What were you thinking in that moment?
I think [Shangela] exemplifies greatness. Shangela and I are like yin and yang, we’re like Buffy and Faith in that we took our 15 minutes of fame on Drag Race and made it into a career. I guess I thought with the best score, she would be in the top two. When they said Kennedy’s name I thought it would be Kennedy and then Shangela. I believe in my gifts, I think that I’m a great drag queen, but I expect the worst thing to happen to me at all times. When I heard Kennedy’s name I thought, “This is really good for her.” I genuinely thought this was so good for her. Then I couldn’t believe it was me and I was so happy. I fully expected both lipsticks to say, “Trixie get the fuck out.”

How do you feel about that twist of voting on who was in the final two?
Maybe I’m biased but I think it was good. When it comes to fairness, don’t you think the people who were behind the scenes, in the workroom, watching ever moment, being in the challenges, seeing people struggle, and seeing people triumph... Don’t you think that inside Big Brother point of view is valuable and, in a way, even more fair? I think it brought a unique perspective. I didn’t know how it was going to work out either way.

I was pretty gagged, I was gagged by the outcome. It was a number of things. BeBe and Shangela both had a better score than me. I didn’t know who in the deliberation was mad at me or rooting for me. I just went in there and tried to be honest and answer the difficult questions I was being asked. I think even people at home, everybody sitting in a bar or a living room had a different idea of who should have been in the top two.

How did it feel when RuPaul announced you were the winner?
I was fucking gagged. I was at our viewing party and everyone thinks that we know ahead of time, but they don’t tell us. I didn’t know. I couldn’t believe it. It’s not that I don’t think I did a great job. It’s reality TV and it’s partially a game show, which means it’s partially luck. There are so many variables. I’ve lost Drag Race twice, so I know how things can go wrong for you on that TV show. I’ve been a loser for years, and it was fun to feel that.

With BenDeLaCreme bowing out, how do you think that impacted the rest of the season?
With Ben winning every week we all envisioned her in the top. I just had horse blinders on and I was trying to survive day to day and, when she left, I think we all felt our odds skyrocket a bit. I think we all thought, “Okay she’s a really good competitor and there are only a couple of spots for us.” When she decided to leave we all saw one spot become a bit more open.

The production number in the final episode was amazing. How hard was that to pull off?
I had never seen it, until I watched it last night at the club. I was crying. It was amazing. It was horrible. We had to rehearse all day and then came in on a Saturday and it was just all day again. It’s not a lie, we really did it once. We did one practice run and then they were like, “Okay, this is for real.” You saw one take.

It was amazing. From the second the door snapped open and you saw Kennedy sitting there, I was fully crying. She started doing those kicks and the flips and Shangela jumping over the box and BeBe with the fabric and then I saw myself do the split leg on the back of that fabric cart. I was like, “That is why Drag Race is the best show on television.” One minute you’re getting the most human stories and then you’re seeing the best drag in the world. I mean, come on.

I’m looking for an answer to the greatest mystery of our time.
I don’t know. BeBe’s lipstick. I don’t know. We still don’t know. That’s not a joke. She won’t tell anyone. Isn’t that nuts?

You’ve got a great career going on with the show on VICELAND and such. How do you think this win will change what you have going on?
What’s funny is I have a great career from my Drag Race exposure but I don’t have a great career because I was on Drag Race being exposed as a distinctly talented person. I had fucked up on Drag Race a lot and it’s not the show’s fault, it’s my fault. I had to go through all the broken pieces and collage it together into something where I can show my audiences that I can do a lot, that I can play guitar and sing, that I can tap dance, I can tell jokes. I had to figure that out for myself.

For me, doing Drag Race was to confirm something for myself. I feel like the audience I created wouldn’t have crucified me if I went home. I felt that pressure, but also me and Shangela are living proof that you can lose Drag Race and go on to do whatever you want to anyway.

I think this time around, unless you’re like a hardcore Kennedy fan, you don’t hate me right now. I think this time around people will think, “She really fucking did it.” There were parts where I was so exposed. When I was watching it, I was so embarrassed. I think Drag Race is great because it shows us as great artists, but also great human beings. Like on Snatch Game, everyone has had a day where they let themselves down or there are a lot of people who are introverts who don’t know how to walk into a room and not be perceived as over it. It’s a human normal thing and I’m happy that stuff is shown.

What’s going on with The Trixie and Katya Show?
We are currently in the second half of our first season, because VICELAND loved it so much, they renewed us. Bob The Drag Queen is jumping in for Katya. He is amazing. Katya brings fifty percent of the flavor to the show and Bob brings fifty percent of an equally funny but totally different flavor. It’s so funny to watch. I really love Katya and I love her energy and I thought it would be missing something, but I’m watching it and I think it’s equally funny. It’s just a slightly different backbeat. Just like I love the Whitney version of “I Will Always Love You” and I love the Dolly version of “I Will Always Love You.”

Have you talked to Katya? How’s she doing?
She’s good, she’s focusing on her mental health and she has a very exclusive message for this interview? You wanna hear it? “The Trixie and Katya Show is on every Wednesday on VICELAND at 10:30 PM.”

Perfect!
She’s working on her health. She doesn’t have to do drag so she has facial hair and looks like Tom Hanks in Castaway. But she looks like that in drag all the time anyway.

Can’t she just have a beard in drag now anyway? Haven’t we moved past that?
We’re all born naked and the rest is patchy facial hair.

You’re a Drag Race superfan. If you’re casting All Stars 4, who do you invite?
Twelve Tammie Browns. Tammie Brown is also hosting, she’s the guest choreographer, she’s the guest judge, and she’s RuPaul. It’s just Tammie Brown.

Are you going to have Tammie Brown on the Trixie and Katya Show?
Oh my god, my dream. When I get sick of a drag queen I lock them away somewhere and tell people that they need time off drag. So when I get sick of Bob I’ll move on to Tammy.

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.

For years, the gun lobby, led by the NRA, has pushed the idea that more guns make the world safer. Most recently this has manifested in the argument (endorsed by Donald Trump) that the answer to school shootings is armed teachers. But Brian Ellison is taking it one step further. Ellison is a Libertarian running for US Senate in Michigan, and though his third-party run is obviously hopeless, he drew some media attention this week for his plan to, uh, hand out pump-action shotguns to Michigan’s homeless population.

To be fair, Ellison isn’t the first person to come up with this idea—19th-century revolutionary anarchist Lucy Parsons implored “tramps” to “learn the use of explosives” and Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine famously wrote “Arm the Homeless” on his guitar. But Ellison (who has not yet gotten enough signatures to qualify for ballot access) seems to have thought very thoroughly about his idea. He even started a GoFundMe campaign to buy 20 shotguns for homeless people, though the platform shut down his campaign for violating the terms of service.

When I talked to him about it, the genesis of the idea seemed to have more to do with drawing attention to the plight of homeless people rather than a exaggerated version of an NRA talking point—though he is also a Second Amendment absolutist who had extremely harsh words for the Parkland shooting survivors. Here’s an edited and condensed version of our interview:

VICE: Let’s jump right into the idea of arming homeless people with pump-action shotguns. Why do that?
Brian Ellison: Sure! So, obviously gun control has become a big topic as of late. We have groups like the NRA who have convinced a significant portion of the population that they support gun rights. Some of us know better, that they're just aligning with the Republican Party. But we wanted to bring attention to the fact that the homeless are so disenfranchised and victimized and exploited. Not only are they the victims of violent criminals, they are victims of the state. It’s a shame when the state makes it a crime to ask for a handout or makes it illegal to occupy an unoccupied “public space.” There’s been a war on the homeless for a long time.

How does arming them come into play?
Well, the other side of it is the gun control debate. Personally, I don't support any restrictions on gun ownership. When people say, “We support the Second Amendment and we believe in gun ownership rights,” they want to turn around and say, “except for…” They want to pretend that the fundamental responsibility to protect yourself only applies to people that they want it to apply to. That’s hypocrisy that deserves to be exposed.

So do you have an actual plan?
Actually, it's unfortunate that we’re so restricted in what we're allowed to do. We’ve already had our GoFundMe campaign shut down and we had to start it back up again. (Note: As of now, it’s down again.) If we want to do this legally, these people need ID. And how many homeless people have IDs in the state of Michigan? You can't even get a driver's license unless you have an address. So the idea is to go around and pre-qualify people who we think will meet the criteria by simply having a conversation with them and trying to get a feeling of who they are, whether or not they seem like they’re stable, seeing if they have an ID and if they’d pass a background check.

Then, once we pre-qualify enough people, I will coordinate an event day where we will go get like a limo or a party bus and we'll take them to an outdoor range. We'll go through some basic fundamental safety training with some actual trainers. Then we’ll work through a firearms dealer and get the background checks done and get them outfitted with an inexpensive shotgun and a handful of shells.

Why shotguns?
Well, a handgun creates a lot more difficulties with the law. And in the context of defense, a shotgun with some buckshot is certainly not a very good offensive weapon. Plus, everybody knows the universal sign of “don't move” when you hear the racking of a pump-action shotgun. And if they can't get through the background check, the backup plan is to just outfit them with some pepper spray if they want it. Hopefully that'll help them from being a victim in the future.

How do you address the obvious arguments against your plan, like the potential increase in gun crime, or widespread issues with mental stability and drug abuse that tend to be a problem among homeless populations?
Well, how do we address that with the police and military populations? A third of police are domestic abusers, and obviously many of them have substance abuse problems. Nobody seem to have an issue with them being armed. I think it’s a cop-out argument. And also, I think if we started allowing the government to dictate who is mentally stable or unstable in order to meet the criteria to allow somebody to have their natural rights, how long is it before we're all deemed crazy? I just don't think that that's a fair argument intellectually. So, if we don't care about all of the police officers and all of the military members with PTSD who are doing the work of the state, I don't see why people want to concern themselves so much with citizens who may or may not have a mental illness.

What do you think of the current gun control push by activists since the Parkland shooting?
I hate using the word ignorant because it just sounds condescending, but the youth only know what they've had a chance to experience and I don't like the exploitation of them. You know what I mean? There's big, big money donors behind this and lobbying groups that organized it and politicians. Like, the school had 3,000 kids and there are only four or five of them that have become the spokespeople for this movement. I know at their age I was certainly not informed and I wouldn't have been able to make a fully informed choice on either side. So I think they're being used as pawns, and I really don't like it, frankly.

Is arming the homeless an actual, serious idea?
I’m serious from the aspect that it’s a worthy cause, and I guess we’ll let the potential donors decide how worthy it is. I mean, this isn’t a hill I’m going to die on, but I think there’s kind of a philosophical bent to it. It’s not enough just to say, “This is ridiculous,” or, “This is the dumbest idea I've ever heard,” which is all over my social media. I want people who are opposed to this to think about why they’re opposed. Is it because you are fundamentally opposed to the basic national right of self determination and self-defense? And if that's the case, then be intellectually honest with yourself about it. Or is it because you don't care about these disenfranchised people? And if that's the case just be honest with yourself about it. Is that a philosophy you would openly espouse?

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In an off-the-record briefing on Friday, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly told reporters that recently fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was informed he was getting let go while sitting on the toilet and "suffering from a stomach bug," according to the Daily Beast, citing multiple sources who were at the briefing.

If what Kelly reportedly said was accurate, that conversation between the two men was the last in a long line of humiliations Tillerson endured since joining the administration. The former ExxonMobil CEO supposedly didn't even want the Secretary of State gig but accepted it when Donald Trump surprisingly offered to him, even though he had no previous government experience. Since then, he has been criticized for starving the State Department of resources and was contradicted publicly by the president on issues ranging from the Qatar-Saudi spat to North Korea. Then there was the time he held a press conference to respond to allegations he had called Trump a "moron." In the few days since his firing, observers have debated whether he was the worst secretary of State in history or merely a very bad one.

Even in that context, Kelly's off-the-record remarks "stunned" journalists on Friday, reported the Beast. It seems like an unnecessary bit of cruelty to mention that Tillerson was in an indelicate position when he got the bad news. Then again, the press briefing was a wild one, apparently—according to Axios, Kelly also said Trump's own loose lips were responsible for rumors about upcoming White House firings, defended Housing and Urban Development head Ben Carson's spending $31,000 of government funds on furniture, and dismissed incoming National Economic Council director Larry Kudlow's past cocaine use by saying that the 90s were “a crazy time.”

So are the late 2010s.

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.

This article first appeared at VICE Indonesia.

Maulidan likes to think of himself as a "tiger of the sea." The 35-year-old fisherman lives in Pulo Aceh, a chain of tiny islands off the northern coast of Sumatra. It's not the farthest tip of Indonesia—that's Pulau Weh—but it's pretty damn close.

Maulidan and his neighbor Rahmad are octopus hunters. The men dive beneath the waves, searching the coral reefs off the coast of Pulau Nari for a prey that's a pro at not being found. Some days the men catch enough octopus to earn Rp 200,000 ($14 USD) by selling their catch to exporters, who send them overseas to places like Malaysia, Singapore, and Saudi Arabia. On average, four metric tons of octopus are exported from Pulo Aceh every year.

But other days the sea if far less welcoming. they spend five hours in the ocean only to paddle back in empty-handed.

"My fortune in the sea is much like a tiger's in the jungle," Maulidan told me. "Sometimes we get plenty, but more often than not we get nothing. That's just life in Pulo Aceh. We're used to it"

Rahmad (left) dan Maulidan (right) get their equipment ready.

The day I met Maulidan and Rahmad the pair were lucky, catching a dozen octopus, spearing each one with a curved metal tool locally called a gancu. The creatures would try to hide from the man, changing colors to camouflage themselves amid the colorful coral. Whenever one of the fishermen would ensnare one, it would puff out an inky cloud in self-defense.

By the end of the day, the dozen octopus earned the men Rp 849,000 (almost $60 USD), more than enough to buy groceries for their families. But they would still need to be back in the water the next day, searching beneath the waves for another catch.

“It’s our job to hunt octopus," Mauildan told me. "We don’t want our wife and neighbors to think that we’re lazy."

On the days when the sea is too rough the men walk up into the mountains to search for rattan. It's a simple life, one where the land and the sea provide most of what the men need. “The sea and the mountain are where we make a living," Maulidan explained. "There’s fish in the sea and rattan in the mountains. That’s what we do everyday."

Maulidan told me that he prefers the ocean to the mountains because you can work for yourself. But the source of their income, the octopus, is now under threat. Other fisherman have turned to destructive bomb fishing methods to increase their hauls. The plastic bottles packed with explosives stun the creatures, causing them to float to the surface. But they also destroy the coral, further reducing future marine populations in the process.

"Some even go as far as to poisoning the octopus," Maulidan said. "So now we don’t get to catch as many octopus as we used to. Whenever they (the fishermen from outside the island) fish in our water, the octopus vanish. That’s what saddens us the most."

This article originally appeared on VICE ID.

This article originally appeared on VICE Germany

"Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction," German philosopher Erich Fromm famously said. A German supermarket manager has now taken it upon himself to try to satisfy one particular need his customers have – their hunger for hazelnut cocoa spread.

As of last Saturday, Tobias Skiba, who runs an Edeka supermarket branch in the town of Neukirchen-Vluyn, near Dusseldorf, doesn't just carry the usual jars of Nutella in his shop, but also gigantic buckets of three kilos each. They go for €29.99 [CAD$48.25] a piece.

Since I'm assuming that anyone running a Nutella stand won't need a supermarket for their supply, I rang up Tobias Skiba to try to find out what ungodly use his customers have for it.

VICE: That is a lot of Nutella to buy all at once. Why did you decide to add them to your inventory?
Tobias Skiba: Some of our regular customers asked if there were any bigger jars of the stuff available. So I put the question to our suppliers, and they could offer this particular size.

How has the response from your customers been so far?
It's been very well received – the first 50 buckets sold out quickly and I have about half of the second supply of 150 buckets left. There's another delivery on the way.

Who needs three kilos of Nutella for private use?
Well, one customer actually bought four buckets – he was throwing a party and planned to put those 12 kilos on crêpes for his guests. But it's everyone and anyone, really, as long as they’re able to get to us. Yesterday we had someone from Belgium in who bought two – and an additional 24 normal jars for his family. A couple from Essen took a taxi and then a bus to get here, because they don't have a car. We’ve also had online inquiries from Finland and Australia. We’re working on figuring out how we can ship them.

Watch: Making Cannabis Infused Chocolate Footballs

Isn't this just a PR stunt, though?
In a way, yes, and we've had coverage from an Austrian radio station and from German broadcasting station Sat.1. But I never anticipated the demand for these buckets, from people all over Europe. The response has been overwhelming, which is why we've added them to our permanent inventory.

What would you do if you had 50 of these all to yourself?
Although I like Nutella, I wouldn’t be able to handle even one. I think I'd invite the Germany national football team over to have a go at the supply. [The team have appeared in a bunch of ads for the brand.]

Is there anything you'd rather buy in a much bigger size?
Well, if I did end up eating three kilos of Nutella, I'd probably need a pair of oversized trousers.

This article originally appeared on VICE DE.