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Yes, There Were Other Movies in 1997 That Weren't 'Titanic'

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The fall of 1997 was, simply put, one of the most remarkable movie-going seasons of our time: Boogie Nights. Jackie Brown. The Sweet Hereafter. Wag The Dog. Eve's Bayou. Good Will Hunting. The Ice Storm. Amistad. As Good as It Gets. Gattaca. And so many more, culminating with what became the highest-grossing movie of all time: the long-delayed, oft-trashed, yet eventually unstoppable Titanic . Each week yielded another remarkable motion picture—sometimes two or more, taking bold risks, telling powerful stories, introducing formidable new talents, and reaffirming the gifts of master filmmakers. This series looks back at those movies, examining not only the particular merits of each, but what they told us about where movies were that fall 20 years ago, and about where movies were going.

In his recently published book of old diary entries, Theft By Finding, David Sedaris wrote about his October 5, 1997 viewing of the Morgan Freeman/Ashley Judd vehicle Kiss the Girls, one of the bigger hits of the fall. “I sat beside a stranger, and twenty minutes into it we were nudging one another and rolling our eyes,” he writes. “Making it worse, I had to sit through another endless preview for Titanic. Who do they think is going to see that movie?”

It’s very Sedaris-esque to share a boneheaded prediction like that, but he was far from alone. Titanic’s smashing success and cultural ubiquity overshadowed the fact that, in the months leading up to its release, it had all the earmarks of a flop: it was a contentious production that ran over schedule and budget, forcing a rescheduled release (it was originally slated for July 2, but more time was needed to complete the effects). Steaming into the fall, it seemed unlikely that the film would recoup its massive $200 million budget. If you were betting sight unseen on that year’s Oscars, it would’ve been much safer to wager on Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorsese’s chances than those of the director of Aliens and Terminator 2.

And indeed, it opens like a James Cameron movie, initially setting up a treasure-hunt adventure on the sunken ship complete with an Aliens-style crew. But early on, as Cap’n Bill Paxton waxes rhapsodic about the vessel, an underling replies, “You are so fulla shit, boss”—a line that gets at the push-pull at the film's heart, in which tough-stuff action comes up against unabashed romanticism and folds upon contact.

The roughnecks are mere place setting, designed to get the aged Rose (Gloria Stewart) in their midst to tell them the story of the sinking of the Titanic. But first, they tell her, via a computer-animated demonstration of the nuts and bolts of the disaster—a marvelous bit of storytelling efficiency, allowing the audience to know exactly what’s happening during the sinking sequences later on (and, more importantly, what’s coming).

But first, romance: Leonardo DiCaprio’s Jack and his buddy with the Chico Marx accent make their way onto the ship via a lucky hand of cards, and it's a genuine lifeline; his “king of the world” moment at the ship’s bow was subsequently and justifiably ridiculed, but there’s something genuine in that moment, a sense of escape, of limitless possibilities as far as the eye can see. (It’s the same notion that gives Good Will Hunting so much of its resonance.) He meets Kate Winslet’s Rose in a carefully-written meet-cute, and from the beginning, their chemistry is electrifying—arguably, the movie itself would have sunk were it not for the heat of their (PG-13!) nude modeling scene, or the literal steaminess of their motorcar hook-up.

Yet theirs is a love that cannot be, not only because Rose is betrothed (to ol’ cartoon villain-y Billy Zane), but because they're of different worlds. Titanic doesn’t exactly finesse its class politics, which are present not only in the way the wealthy dining room passengers treat Jack (“Tell us of the accommodations in steerage, Mr. Dawson”), but in “new money” Molly Brown (played by Kathy Bates, who blows into the movie like tornado). Cameron delights in intercutting the dull fancy folks in the dining room with the earthy fun of the lower-class passengers downstairs; the sequence is a little patronizing, but it lands.

And then, at the 98-minute mark, there it is: “Iceberg, right ahead!” Suddenly, it’s a James Cameron movie again: kinetic, taut, and visceral. He plays out the sinking of the ship in, basically, real time, with pauses for moments of calm during the storm (after the impact, but before it sinks), and check-ins with the musicians (“Nice and cheery, as if there’s no panic”). The back half is, by most definitions, an action film—but at this point, Cameron clearly feels empowered to lean in on the emotional stuff, to be “fulla shit.” So he gives us scenes of heartbreaking separation at the lifeboats, and the single image that’s stuck longest for me: of that elderly couple, side by side in bed, clutching each other for dear life as water rushes beneath them.

The effects of the sinking itself are chillingly believable, as is the stunt work, with passengers leaping from the ship and drop like flies from its tipping railing. But what sticks in that sequence is the priest’s voice leading the prayer of the soon-to-be-dead, and Rose pleading “come back” to the rescue boat—as well as to her lost love.

In the years since its release, it's become uncool to enjoy Titanic—and, to be fair, it’s hard to claim much of anything is cool when it has this much proximity to a Celine Dion hit. And sure, Titanic may be corny, clumsy, and obvious—but the sincerity of its emotions and the power of its spectacle endure, particularly when both elements come together in the majestic closing images: a dream vision in which the ship is brought back from its watery grave not just to its former glory, but as a better version of itself. Where all of its passengers gather in the dining room, and Jack can greet his Rose with a warm kiss that’s no longer their secret.

1993 was perhaps the year of Steven Spielberg’s greatest triumph, in which he delivered one of the biggest summer blockbusters of his career (or anyone else’s) with Jurassic Park, following it up six months later with a prestige picture, Schindler’s List, that finally won him the Oscar for Best Director. 1997 was an attempt to replicate that formula, rather nakedly but not quite successfully: that summer’s The Lost World: Jurassic Park is one of his least successful movies, and its Serious Movie follow-up, Amistad, was received with some indifference. Indeed, Amistad has its problems—but it also has two of the most vivid sequences in his entire filmography.

The first sequence opens the film: an impossibly tight close-up of the eyes of Cinque (Djimon Hounsou), as the sounds of his shallow breathing fill the soundtrack. His fingers dig a spike attached to his chains out of the wet wood below him, and once he frees himself he leads a slave rebellion aboard his ship, its images of uprising captured mostly in the cracks of lightning above them. It’s a bold way to open a movie, violent and visceral—and Spielberg tops it about an hour later with a reenactment of the Middle Passage that brought African slaves to America. It's a portrait of sheer barbarism, terrifying chaos, and unimaginable horror.

Spielberg hadn’t really shot violence like this before, with this kind of unrelenting intensity and overwhelming dread, but he would again—a mere six months after this film, in Saving Private Ryan. The other two-plus hours of Amistad can’t measure up to those sequences, and (perhaps thankfully) Spielberg doesn't try to. The film is ultimately a courtroom drama in which various parties battle over the fate of “these goods,” i.e. Cinque and his fellow slaves.

For Amistad, Spielberg assembled a murderer’s row of great character actors, including Morgan Freeman, Stellan Skarsgård, Nigel Hawthorne, Dave Paymer, Pete Postlethwaite, Paul Guilfoyle, Jeremy Northam, Chiwitel Ejiofor (in his first film), and Anthony Hopkins as a rather dotty John Quincy Adams. He also miscasts Matthew McConaughey, who's too distractingly contemporary as the opportunistic lawyer Baldwin.

David Franzoni’s script tells a lot of stories: Cinque’s struggle, Baldwin’s actualization, Adams’ last hurrah (and his reckoning with his father’s legacy). Ther's perhaps too many stories, especially about white heroes. But Hounsou is magnificent, his stirring speech to Adams (“I will call to my ancestors… for at this moment I am the whole reason they have existed at all”) inspiring the ex-President to deliver a soaring bit of oratory in the closing passages.

“The natural state of mankind,” he insists, “is freedom…and the proof is the length to which a man, woman, or child will go to regain it, once taken. He will break loose his chains. He will decimate his enemies. He will try and try and try against all odds, against all prejudices, to get home.” Amistad may not have been the spiritual sequel to Schindler’s List that he was aiming for, and it may not be the first, or fifth, or tenth film people talk about when his name comes up. But it has more moments that will put your hair on end than other filmmakers’ best works, and that says something.

The key concept articulated in that John Quincy Adams speech—of the lengths to which one will go to find their way home—similarly resonates in the closing passages of Martin Scorsese’s Kundun, which finds the Fourteenth Dalai Lama (Tenzin Thuthob Tsarong) gazing longingly through a telescope at the homeland he’s just left as a title card declares that he hopes one day to return. When Bob Dylan explains the “Like a Rolling Stone” lyric that gives the Scorsese-directed documentary No Direction Home its title—that his entire life has been a search for a home that wasn’t there—he’s providing a key that unlocks not only his own work, but his cinematic biographer’s as well. “Home” is an elusive prospect, and in many cases, an all but unobtainable one.

Kundun seems about as far removed as you can get from a “Martin Scorsese Picture,” but it carries on key thematic and philosophical concerns from his entire filmography: the importance of ritual (the thread that ties “typical” Scorsese movies like Mean Streets and Taxi Driver to outliers like Age of Innocence), the notion of religious leaders as both fully divine and fully human, seeing such leaders not only as figureheads but as reflections (“like the moon on water; when you see me, and I try to be a good man, you see yourself”). And as with his other explicitly religious works, The Last Temptation of Christ and last year’s Silence, he looks in admiration at those who can place themselves into the hands of fate, and rely on that fate (and faith) to steer them.

“What can I do?” asks the Dalai Lama. “I am only a boy.” But he must know what to do, he is told, because he is not a boy but a reincarnated soul. The belief at the heart of Buddhism, that each successful Lama is the new incarnation of this human manifestation of the Buddha, allows screenwriter Melissa Mathison the marvelous narrative trick of a main character who discovers his history alongside the audience.

But the lack of skepticism surrounding that notion in Kundun is one of its finer qualities. Mathison and Scorsese are, if not believers, then artists who tell their story like believers, and the film may have suffered commercially because the two of them, though outsiders, chose to tell this story from the inside; there's no surrogate for the white audience—no Brad Pitt to use as an entry point, as Jean-Jacques Annaud did with Seven Years in Tibet earlier that fall.

Thus, Kundun was one of the director’s least-seen works, but it’s worth seeking out. It’s a challenging picture—episodic in telling, somewhat aloof emotionally, resisting at every turn the urge to become a conventional narrative (they could’ve leaned into the big, bombastic good vs. evil battle with China’s Chairman Mao, say, or done a Great Escape-style ending for the Lama’s exile to India). Instead, Scorsese tells his story in concert with Roger Deakins’ gorgeous imagery and Philip Glass’ stirring score, a combination of sound and vision that gives the film a feeling of non-narrative artiness, a la Koyaanisqatsi. In other words, it’s not exactly Goodfellas. But it’s not every filmmaker who can create works as divergent as Goodfellas and Kundun, either.


I Lived Like Trump for a Day and It Almost Killed Me

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Elton John's "Rocket Man" had been stuck in my head for the better part of the day, and as the clock finally hit 3 PM, the lights in my brain began to burn out. I had been awake since 5:45 AM, watching Fox & Friends, flipping to Morning Joe during the commercial breaks, and as I opened my fourth Diet Coke of the day and dug into my McDonald's order—two Big Macs, two Filets-O-Fish, and a chocolate milkshake—I struggled to understand how anybody, never mind the literal president, manages to live like this.

Like Donald Trump, I'm a teetotaling New York native who loves McDonald's, has an alarmingly high caffeine intake, and maintains a codependent relationship with Twitter that hurts me just as much as it boosts my fragile ego. So when the New York Times came out with a report detailing his daily routine—including a lot of cable news and Diet Coke—I decided that this was my chance to get inside his head, or at least turn my head into a version of his.

But I quickly learned there were some key differences between us—for starters, I'm a fake news lib who voted for a commie Jew and then Shillary in the 2016 election cycle. And unlike Trump, I am not a morning person. In fact, I've found that getting a regular eight hours of sleep is vital to maintaining my sanity—but isn't becoming Trump about letting go of my sanity, acquiescing entirely to my id?

Here's the Times on his morning routine: "He flips to CNN for news, moves to Fox & Friends for comfort and messaging ideas, and sometimes watches MSNBC’s Morning Joe because, friends suspect, it fires him up for the day. Energized, infuriated—often a gumbo of both—Mr. Trump grabs his iPhone. Sometimes he tweets while propped on his pillow."

Other reports have suggested Trump has a penchant for robes, so I robed up, and did my best to be energized and/or infuriated by what I was watching on TV. While it was hard to drum up authentic outrage so early in the morning—for all the insane bullshit that Fox & Friends peddles, it is honestly pretty boring—I nevertheless accessed the anger burning within.

After all, I was pissed I had to be awake before sunrise. I was pissed I had to watch TV I didn't want to watch and do things I didn't feel like doing. What does Trump do when he feels constrained and annoyed? He tweets. So I did too:

Some of my many tweets from the day

Other notable elements of Trump's daily routine, according to the Times report: He drinks one dozen Diet Cokes per day. He makes his decisions based off "self-defense, obsession and impulse." He watches an obscene amount of cable news, often keeping his TV on and muted during meetings. He calls aides for Twitter affirmation. He calls White House chief of staff John Kelly up to 12 times a day "to ask about his schedule or seek policy advice."

I don't have aides or a chief of staff, but I figured I could approximate that other stuff. My first order of business was to start a feud on Twitter. That morning, Trump had tweeted a nasty message about "lightweight Senator Kirsten Gillibrand," a New York Democrat who called for his resignation the day before. "[She] would come to my office 'begging' for campaign contributions not so long ago (and would do anything for them), is now in the ring fighting against Trump," the president claimed, a sexism-tinged insult that was met with immediate condemnation from Democratic lawmakers and the fake news media.

So I paused the playlist I had created of Trump's favorite music, which includes Elton John's "Rocket Man" and Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It,” to call my editor Harry for his advice on who to start beef with. He offered up some suggestions, which I don't even remember because they were so dumb, but I hung up the phone with the realization that I had be authentic about whoever I chose to berate online. I focused my sights on Vox co-founder and noted lib Matt Yglesias. I haven't always agreed with Yglesias's political takes, but in true Trumpian fashion, my beef was personal.

Yglesias co-hosts a podcast for Vox called "The Weeds," and although he seems happy to chat with me about many things on Twitter, he has totally ignored my repeated pleas for an invite onto his weed podcast. After all, I love smoking weed, and I feel disrespected by the fact that my nice requests have been met with deafening silence.

Frustrated with a lack of response from Yglesias and the rest of the cowards at Vox, I realized that in order to feel like Trump, I had to tweet things that would actually get my followers mad at me. Being Donald Trump is about never acting but always reacting, always feeling like you're under attack. So I began responding to tweets I disagreed with with my honest and correct opinion, but still, no one was really getting mad at me. Fake news!

Bitter leftists make up a large subsection of my Twitter following, so I cracked open another Diet Coke and tweeted an unpopular opinion I knew would rile them up:

I ascribe to the idea that most liberals and leftists are well-meaning and agree on a broad range issues, but frequently butt heads due to what Freud calls “the narcissism of minor differences.” That explains why my relatively mild tweet enraged the Twitter communists, and soon my mentions were full of people angrily informing me that "liberalism is the left wing of fascism," condescendingly asking, "how much do you get paid for those opinions again, Eve?" and, most heartbreakingly, calling me a centrist.



Now it was time for McDonald's. Trump's penchant for the golden arches is frequently mocked by his critics, especially after Corey Lewandowski, his former campaign manager, revealed that his go-to order includes two Big Macs and two Filets-O-Fish, all of which he eats without the bun, and a chocolate milkshake.

I have the utmost respect for McDonald's, which I affectionately refer to simply as "Donald's," and eat an unhealthy amount of it, usually ordering fries and a bacon, egg, and cheese McGriddle. I enjoy sweet Donald's because it's cheap, is available for delivery on UberEats, and no matter where I am, I know exactly what I'm going to get. I was vexed by the media concern-trolling Trump about his McDonald's order and its massive calorie count, because it struck me as uppity and disingenuous.

But let me be clear about this: Donald Trump's Donald's order is a crime against humanity. I'd never tried a Filet-O-Fish because my brain isn't diseased enough to order fish from McDonald's, and it tasted bad, but the true abomination is eating a Big Mac without the bun. The Big Mac has three pieces of bread, and as I discovered when I disassembled the sandwich and took a bite, there is a very good reason why. A bite of two McDonald's beef patties drenched in Big Mac sauce with wilted lettuce and cheese has a grainy, soggy texture that makes the whole mess inedible. The chocolate milkshake, which Trump thinks is "malted" but is not, was the highlight of the meal.

UberEats had delivered my order almost an hour late, and while I was waiting for it, I had almost successfully deluded myself into thinking it would somehow revive me from my midday slump. But after consuming as much of it as I could, I felt even more dire. Dehydrated from only consuming Diet Coke—I was only four in—and exhausted from waking up so early, it was time for a nap, and yet, I couldn't sleep. Since Trump is a fan of phone calls, I caught up with my dad, but the phone call required me to think of someone other than myself, which felt dishonest to Trump's spirit, so I got off the phone after ten minutes to stare into the abyss of my Twitter feed and obsess over whether people liked me or not.

As I cracked open my fifth Diet Coke, I felt indignant. I never wanted to drink this repulsive liquid (which I used to like) again. I desperately needed water and to get offline for a couple hours. Indulge yourself, whispered the devil on my shoulder. Isn't being Trump about doing whatever the fuck you want? But I was firmly trapped in the misery of being Donald Trump: self-conscious, bloated, and refreshing my Twitter mentions with psychotic frequency to see who was mad at me now.

I was feeling so much, and yet I was so bored. For the president of the United States, Trump's daily itinerary is pretty uneventful. Cable news is a snooze, Twitter is less fun when you're not using it as a procrastination tool, and no one was picking up my phone calls except my dumbass editor and my fake news dad.

So I went golfing.

Photos by Caroline Tompkins and Andy Buchanan/AFP/GettyImages

In his short time as president, Trump has managed to sneak away for a golf getaway an astounding 79 times, according to trumpgolfcount.com. After the day I'd had, I began to understand why it was so necessary for him. His notable golfing buddies have included Tiger Woods, Lindsey Graham, Rand Paul, and Peyton Manning, so I invited my friend Sam Escobar, who is a big fan of mine.

So the thing is that it's December in New York, which is not golfing season, and also I have never played "regular" golf, so we played mini golf, which is fun even if you're bad at it. Not that I would know what it's like to be bad at something. In fact, I was very good at mini golf (good genes). But since Sam, who works for Condé Nast, kept score, the notion that I somehow "lost" the game is the biggest fake media scam I have ever heard in my life. As you can see in the score card below, Crooked Sam is the biggest fraud I have ever met and lied about their score to boost their own ratings. Very disloyal! Especially considering Sam begged me to pay for the whole thing.

"Fake News"

With seven Diet Cokes left to consume and a well-done steak I promised my editor I was going to make for the purposes of this article, I opted to end my day with more McDonald's—a sausage McMuffin and a glass of ice water—and skip out on the rest. Was it a cop-out? Perhaps. But if I learned anything from being Trump for a day, it's that I'm allowed to half-ass it, it doesn't matter who I end up disappointing because I can do whatever the fuck I want, and none of the haters and losers will ever stop me.

Follow Eve Peyser on Twitter.

The Volunteers Helping Women Get Abortions Against All Odds

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When Emily, a 41-year-old from Louisville, Kentucky, found out she was pregnant earlier this year, she decided to get an abortion. (Her name has been changed because she fears retribution at work if her colleagues found out.) Confident in her decision, she wanted to move through the process quickly―but soon realized that living in Kentucky, that wouldn’t be possible.

Since he took office in 2015, Kentucky’s Republican governor, Matt Bevin, has ushered in some of the most restrictive abortion legislation in the country. This year, the legislature approved a ban of abortion when the pregnancy reaches 20 weeks; a requirement for a vaginal ultrasound before a patient’s abortion was recently struck down after being contested by the American Civil Liberties Union.

For over a decade, Kentucky had just two abortion clinics, both owned and operated by EMW Women’s Surgical Center. At the end of 2016, the Bevin administration blocked a license for Planned Parenthood to perform abortions at its Louisville location, citing a new regulation requiring facilities to have transfer agreements with a nearby hospital and ambulance service. In January, the Lexington EMW clinic officially shuttered after a year-long legal battle. The administration denied a request to renew its license, and according to an EMW Facebook post, the landlord refused to renew its lease.

So when Emily called to schedule her appointment at EMW in Louisville, she was contacting the last abortion provider left in the state.

EMW sits in the middle of bustling downtown Louisville. Emily planned to schedule the appointment on a weekday, when it was less likely she would be seen en route. It was also when the sidewalk outside EMW would be less likely to be swarming with anti-abortion protesters. She’d initially called around to other clinics in the region, trying to get an appointment out of state, but Ohio, Indiana, and Tennessee have waiting periods or other restricting laws that would require her to spend at least two days away from home and miss too much work.

Though EMW is only 20 minutes from her house, Emily didn’t have someone who could drive her to and from the procedure, which the clinic requires. Her boyfriend couldn’t get off work to take her, and she didn’t feel comfortable asking other friends or family members to do it. Worried she was running out of options, she started to panic. An EMW employee told her to call the Kentucky Health Justice Network (KHJN), a nonprofit that advocates for reproductive justice and has an abortion support fund. One of 70 abortion organizations that belongs to the National Network of Abortion Funds, KHJN is a lifeline for Kentuckians trying to access the medical procedure, using its volunteer network and donations to help with transportation, gas money, lodging, and payment for abortions.

She scheduled the appointment, and the day of, a KHJN volunteer showed up at her doorstep and drove her. Emily still had to face protesters outside of EMW. “They’re basically, without touching you, assaulting you,” she said. She made it safely inside, and after the procedure was finished, the volunteer dropped her off at home, and called to check on her a few days later.

Months later, Emily still thinks often about the help the volunteers at KHJN provided, at absolutely no cost to her. “At every turn [in this process], there’s a barrier, but this was one less to worry about,” she said.

The Louisville clinic is currently in the midst of a trial that will determine whether Kentucky becomes the only state in the nation without an abortion provider. The trial wrapped up in early September, and a verdict is expected at any moment. With just one clinic left in Kentucky, and few left in surrounding states, the work of organizations like KHJN is becoming more expensive and logistically challenging.

“There’s a lot of pressure at this moment,” said Meg Stern, the Abortion Support Fund director for KHJN. “The clinic could close, and here we are with all these people who still need access to abortion. What’s going to happen?”


Watch VICE News investigate America's fake abortion clinics:


Since 1976, when the Hyde Amendment was signed into law, the US government has banned federal funding for abortion, and many states have followed suit. Abortion funds cropped up to help people overcome logistical and financial barriers to the procedure. “They were an underground railroad of sorts,” said Marcie Crim, KHJN’s executive director.

Founded in 2013, KHJN now has five full-time employees and around 60 volunteers. Until now, the organization has attempted to keep a low profile. But as GOP lawmakers further diminish access to reproductive healthcare by introducing targeted regulation of abortion provider (TRAP) laws, fund leaders like Crim are speaking to the public and press more often.

“People didn’t know we existed, so they weren’t asking us for our services,” Crim said. “My goal [since coming on in 2016] was to raise our profile.”

According to the Guttmacher Institute, a research and policy organization focused on reproductive health in the US, more than a third of state abortion restrictions instituted since the 1973 Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion in Roe v. Wade have been enacted within the last six years.

“It’s this cumulative impact from restrictions and lack of access that creates such a dire situation for some women,” said Elizabeth Nash, senior state issues manager for Guttmacher. “The distances they have to travel—to be able to climb that mountain is very hard. And then they have to think about raising money for the procedure and the travel.”

At EMW, a medical abortion costs $750, and a surgical abortion can reach up to $2,250. The costs of abortion procedures vary widely by clinic, state, and how far along the pregnancy is. KHJN, which is funded largely through individual donations, typically pledges up to $500 a week total per patient, which goes toward gas cards, hotels, and procedures, then works with other abortion funds to help fund the rest if necessary. But most clinics require patients to pay for a portion of the procedure themselves, so Stern and volunteers have to ask uncomfortable questions: can the patient in need of an abortion use someone’s credit card? Can she pawn belongings?

“By far, that’s the worst part of this job,” Stern said.

With the increased restrictions, the organization is stretching itself thin. Before 2016, Crim said KHJN got 11 requests for financial or transportation help a week. Within the last year, she said, they’ve started getting up to 30. Part of that is because the organization is becoming more well-known, Crim said, and part of it is because people have to travel farther now that there is only one clinic. About 95 percent of people KHJN assists―many of whom live four to six hours away, in rural Kentucky—go to EMW, she added. But the 20 week ban in the state has made that more difficult.

Stern said KHJN volunteers pick people up in gas station parking lots and outside abandoned homes because patients fear repercussions in their personal and professional lives for their decision. Many of them, she added, find themselves at risk of longer wait times because there are so few providers left, or due to abrupt changes in state laws.

“Losing one clinic in Kentucky would be additional motivation for abortion opponents to try to close other clinics, or adopt so many restrictions that abortion is impossible to access,” Nash said.

This year, Crim said a pregnant 16-year-old girl drove an hour to Louisville with her mother to EMW. She was two days over the 20-week limit, and got turned away. When they reached out to KHJN for help, Crim took the case on herself. After days sorting out logistics, KHJN forked over $1,750 to fly the girl and her mother to a clinic in Maryland—since closed—as a last resort to obtain the procedure.

Situations like that are already becoming more common for Kentuckians, Crim said. Out-of-state travel is something KHJN is increasingly unable to afford, but she said they exhaust all possibilities until patients get what they need. Otherwise, the consequences can be grim.

“The girl was in the backseat, telling me she googled how to give herself an abortion because she didn’t think she was going to be able to get it done,” she said. “But I hear this a lot now.”


Along with limited abortion access, many in Kentucky, especially those living in rural areas, lack resources for women’s health, including contraceptives and family planning services. According to a 2014 study by the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, 76 of the state’s 120 counties don’t have an OB-GYN. And Kentuckians need care: according to the most recently available data from Guttmacher, there were 7,220 pregnancies among teens aged 15 to 19 in Kentucky in 2013, making it the state with the eighth highest rate of teen pregnancy in the country.

This summer, Crim helped launch an initiative to improve birth control access in Eastern Kentucky. The two-year program, in partnership with the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Appalachia-based media center Appalshop, combines educational outreach, storytelling, and local policy change to make sure people in the region have access to all types of contraceptives.

For now, KHJN and pro-choice advocates are anxiously awaiting the ruling on EMW. “This case is incredibly important,” Nash said. “It also puts on the court not only what kind of regulation is appropriate, but how important is it to protect access.”

If the Kentucky judge rules for EMW to stay open, it would set a precedent that may mean Planned Parenthood could resume abortion services as well. In the worst-case scenario, if the clinic is closed, KHJN will have to transport people out of state, which means more money for travel, lodging and gas, and more logistics to sort out with other clinics. “Paying for the procedures will be easy at that point,” Stern said.

The battle over abortion access in Kentucky has emboldened people like Stern and Emily to advocate more strongly for reproductive justice. "The time to remain neutral and not choose a side has passed," Stern said. "For me it feels necessary now, which makes it a little easier to have these conversations."

For Stern, that means pushing harder to raise KHJN’s public profile. For Emily—who says she will never forget the help she received from the organization when she needed it most—it means sharing her story and offering up her time to the cause; her experiences have made her consider becoming a KHJN volunteer herself. “I have a hard time with them trying to pass the laws they’re trying to pass, not for my sake but for others,” she says. “I wouldn’t want someone not to have these resources like I did.”

Follow Lyndsey Gilpin on Twitter.

Larry David Isn't Done Pissing People Off on 'Curb' Yet

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We waited a pretty, pretty, pretty long time for the ninth season of Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm, which returned to HBO in October after a six-year hiatus. But on Thursday, less than a month after the finale, HBO announced the show would be coming back for season ten, Entertainment Weekly reports.

"As I’ve said many times,” David said in a statement, “when one has the opportunity to annoy someone, one should do so.”

While David, showrunner Jeff Schaffer, and the rest of the gang are tight-lipped as ever about what to expect, our antihero still has a lot left to resolve from last season. For one, there was a fatwa on his head, and it's still unclear if he'll be able to shake it—no matter what the muftis say. Plus, he lost what seemed like a great girlfriend and saw his magnum opus crumble into oblivion. It'll be interesting to see what he'll occupy his time with going into season ten—aside, of course, from pissing off literally everyone he meets.

After the season nine finale, Schaffer told the Hollywood Reporter the show's future was still up in the air, and that if it were to come back, he and David would have to nail down every single plot line first. But according to EW, the duo still hasn't finished writing season ten, which is set to go into production this spring, so apparently that philosophy is out the window this time around.

"The truth is, Larry had so much fun last season that he wants to do it again," Schaffer told EW. "Usually, at the end of a shoot, he’s absolutely sure he’s never doing it again. But this season was different. During our last days of shooting he was already thinking about reloading."

All the show's regulars—J.B. Smoove, Cheryl Hines, Jeff Garlin, Susie Essman, Ted Danson, Richard Lewis, Bob Einstein, and Mary Steenburgen—returned for season nine, and Schaffer said they'll be back for another round. It's safe to say we'll get to see some killer guest stars: Last season featured Elizabeth Banks, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Bryan Cranston, among a few other standouts.

There's still no word on exactly when the next season will drop. Until then, we'll just have to keep an eye out for Curb episodes that play out in real life.

Follow Drew Schwartz on Twitter.

Doug Jones's Win Is Also a Win for Criminal Justice

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This article was published in partnership with the Marshall Project.

Last year, prospects were looking good for a bipartisan effort in Congress to overhaul federal sentencing. But after long and careful negotiations, one senator almost single-handedly torpedoed the measure: the junior Republican from Alabama, Jeff Sessions.

Sessions, of course, went on to become attorney general, dimming hopes even further. But Tuesday’s election of his unlikely replacement, Democrat Doug Jones, hands the seat to a former federal prosecutor who has advocated for less harsh sentencing and more alternatives to prison.

“Doug Jones was a groundbreaking voice for prosecutorial reform to end mass incarceration,” said Lauren-Brooke Eisen, senior counsel in the Brennan Center’s Justice Program. “He was one of the first prosecutors to speak out about how prosecutors can and should help reduce unnecessary incarceration.”



Jones, the former US attorney for the Northern District of Alabama, was best known as a prosecutor for securing the convictions of two former Ku Klux Klan members in the infamous 1963 bombing of the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, which killed four young black girls. The men were convicted in 2001 and 2002.

Over the past few years, Jones, who could not be reached for comment Wednesday after his victory, has begun to openly push for changes that would give prosecutors more leeway. He included criminal justice among his top campaign priorities, taking aim at mandatory minimum sentencing, disparities that send a disproportionate number of blacks and Latinos to prison, and “three strikes” laws.

“These are bipartisan issues Democrats and Republicans agree on,” Jones told a group of Alabama State University students last month. “Try to reduce the crime, keep our communities safer and at the same time cut down the costs of the criminal justice system.”

In March 2015, Jones wrote an op-ed criticizing Alabama state prosecutors who left Anthony Ray Hinton, convicted of two murders, on death row for 15 years “despite compelling evidence of innocence.”

“All of us are at risk if prosecutors believe their commitment is not to fairness and reliability but to win and defend convictions at all costs,” Jones wrote.

It’s too soon to tell what Jones’ election means for federal sentencing reform. Progress stalled under President Donald Trump, and Sessions has stayed true to his law-and-order roots, calling on US Attorneys to seek the highest possible charges and rolling back a guideline that had allowed prosecutors to ignore some drug charges. Legislators and advocates instead have focused on trying to create more re-entry programs, prison educational opportunities and job skills training.

But Jones's election elevates one of the effort’s most vocal supporters.

Two years ago, Jones and another former federal prosecutor, James E. Johnson, and other law enforcement officials formed Law Enforcement Leaders To Reduce Crime & Incarceration, a bipartisan, reform-minded advocacy group. Jones was among members who signed a letter supporting the effort that ultimately died in Congress. One of the bill’s sponsors, Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa), and Republican Senator Mike Lee of Utah, spoke at a group meeting in February 2016.

“While I sought harsh punishments for violent offenders as US attorney, not all cases require severe sentences,” Jones wrote on his website. “Judges and prosecutors should be given flexibility and be empowered to decide the fate of those before them in the justice system.”

On a tour of civil rights landmarks with his daughter early last year, Johnson said he called Jones when he arrived in Birmingham and told him they were on their way to see the 16th Street Baptist Church. Jones hurried over.

In a navy suit and yellow tie, with sunglasses slung around his neck, Jones pointed to the building’s brick wall as he walked Johnson and his daughter Abigail through the evidence used to convict the Klansman bombers.

By the end of the tour, as Jones shared more about a commitment to civil rights that dated back to high school, Johnson said he felt strongly about one thing. “He is committed to right some of the wrongs of Birmingham’s past and our nation’s past,” Johnson said.

With additional reporting by Donovan X. Ramsey

This article was originally published by the Marshall Project, a nonprofit news organization that covers the US criminal justice system. Sign up for the newsletter, or follow the Marshall Project on Facebook or Twitter.

What I Learned from Mexican Women in Prison

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This article was published in collaboration with the Marshall Project.

I always knew high school Spanish would come in handy one day. I just didn't think that day would come in a federal prison.

Fact: I am a white woman in my 20s. Three years of Spanish, one semester in college, and one protracted journey into drug addiction led me to this particular juncture. (I am serving a 60-month sentence for conspiracy to distribute heroin.)

Before arriving here at F.C.I. (Federal Correctional Institution) Dublin in Northern California, I already knew its racial composition would be very different from what I was used to in my hometown of Portland—which sees itself as a racially and culturally diverse bastion of tolerance but is actually the whitest major city in America. I was prepared to be in the minority for the first time in my life.

But I never could have predicted how few Americans I would find in an American prison.



Almost as soon as I set foot inside the razor wire, I realized I’d be sharing this controlled space with hundreds of women who have ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) “holds,” meaning ICE can move to deport them upon completion of their sentence. Almost all the women I know are here for the same crime: attempting to cross the border, through a checkpoint and using a U.S.-issued visa, but with drugs concealed in their vehicle.

A lot of these Mexican women routinely crossed the border just to go shopping, they’ve told me. But, precisely because they had a visa, they were eventually targeted by criminal organizations and enticed to smuggle drugs. (Disclaimer: When I say Mexicans, I mean Mexican citizens. In all my time here, I’ve known exactly one Colombian and one Guatemalan.)

These women have never lived in the U.S. and many speak no English at all. But when you share roughly 100 square feet of floor space and a toilet with three other humans, communication is imperative. I hadn’t used my Spanish in years, but on my first night here, I began retrieving it from the depths of my mind.

“Me llamo Morgan,” I said, stumbling to introduce myself to my new cellmate. “Tengo veintiséis años. Cómo te llamas?”

She found this toddler-level Spanish to be rather endearing, though she couldn’t stop laughing at me.

Before arriving here, I’d had a deep fear that prison would make me stupid, with its lack of intellectual stimulation. Now I looked at all the non-English speakers and saw an opportunity to learn. And since it was a financial impossibility to finish my bachelor's degree while incarcerated, I decided becoming fluent in Spanish was in fact the most beneficial thing I could do with my time.

Soon, I had ordered a Spanish-English dictionary and a verb conjugation book, and began to study every day. I would ask to join a group of Mexican women at their table and, although I could barely communicate with them at first, was always welcomed. (Because I am at a women’s prison and not a men’s, with their racially exclusive gangs, the inmates tend not to segregate themselves by skin color or language.)

There was no flowing conversation, just halting speech and long pauses while I feverishly searched for words in my books. Every interaction taught me something new: whether it was taking a shower or microwaving a meal or placing a phone call, it required communication.

Prison is a lesson in scarcity, which means long lines for everything. To get one of the shower stalls, I must ask, “Who’s next in the shower?” But shouting that over the curtain could very well get me no response, since the odds are about 50/50 the person inside doesn’t speak English.

So the first new phrase I learned in prison was, “Quién sigue?” which means, “Who’s next?” That line also got me access to the phone, the microwave, the computer kiosk, the hair straightener and iron. It’s a crucial one around here.

As my Spanish improved, I could suddenly tell who was witty, who was raunchy, who was rude and who was sweet. Finally, I knew who was from Tijuana, Baja, Sinaloa, Guadalajara, and Nayarit. My new friends introduced me to real Mexican food (or at least the prison version of it, including chili and salt on my fruit and lemon juice in my Top Ramen), Spanish-language music, and telenovelas. I downloaded dozens of reggaeton songs onto my mp3 player.

I also concluded that Spanish-language news coverage is far superior to what’s provided by the mainstream American media. It’s more global, with less repetition and fear-mongering.

When Donald Trump got elected, the fear in here was palpable, and Spanish-language media responded. One of the local Mexican radio stations has a regular Q. and A. segment with an immigration attorney in which people desperately ask how to remain in the U.S. There are public service announcements on Spanish-language TV about how to deal with ICE and improve your chances if you’re facing deportation.

Simply put , I’ve learned that we care less about things we have no emotional connection to—that’s just human nature. So learning Spanish has fundamentally changed my worldview: I no longer see the same dichotomy between Americans and Mexicans. People facing deportation are not mere abstractions; they’re the friends and family of my friends. The earthquakes in Mexico, the socioeconomic crisis in Venezuela, the hurricane-induced destruction in Puerto Rico—suddenly these things matter to me. I don’t need a translator to hear their pain.

Prison hasn’t provided me with any worthwhile vocational training or an opportunity to earn a single college credit. But it did teach me Spanish, because I willed it to be so. And as a result, I’m now living a richer and more humane existence.

Millions of people, personalities, pieces of music, poems and literary works are now within my grasp. I've even acquired a taste for banda—which I’d always thought was just polka music with naughty Spanish lyrics. I just finished my first novel in another language.

All thanks to federal prison in 2017.

Morgan Godvin, 28, is incarcerated at the Federal Correctional Institution in Dublin, California, where she is serving 60 months for conspiracy to distribute heroin.

This Is Australia’s Worst Rated Restaurant and I Love it

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Right now you’re looking at the worst rated restaurant in Australia. I know it is because if you go to zomato.com and set your city to Melbourne and scroll down to the very last page, you’ll find this place. Right there, on page number 439 with an overall rating of 1.8 stars collated from 118 reviews, you’ll find this place. Goody’s Burger House.

Now let’s take a moment to appreciate this. Because if you set your city to Sydney and scroll down, their worst restaurant comes in with 2.8 stars from only four reviews. Sydney’s worst restaurant doesn’t achieve that same mix of badness and review numbers as Melbourne’s. And Sydney’s worst restaurant is only on page 368, meaning that Melbourne has a whole extra 71 pages of shit restaurants. That’s exactly 1,065 more shit restaurants than Sydney. And sure, other cities have bad restaurants too, but not bad like Goody’s. Adelaide’s worst place gets 1.9 stars on page 108. Same with Brisbane, and both have far less reviews.

So look, only one place in Australia has achieved this holy ratio between badness, reviewer numbers, and beating a whole lot of terrible competition to achieve uniqueness. And that’s Goody’s Burger House in Melbourne.

Now some of you might think I’m being a cunt by writing this, but you’re wrong. You’re wrong because I’m here to defend Goody’s Burger House. You know that feeling you get when you walk past an empty restaurant on a Saturday night? That feeling of peering inside, and seeing all the waitstaff who are doing nothing straighten their backs and smile hopefully at you? Well I hate that feeling. I just want every restaurant in the whole world to be loved and rendered financially viable and I’ll do whatever I can to make that happen.

So join me, please, as we grab some lunch at Goody's.

When you first get into Goody’s you’re like really? That’s it? Because Goody’s isn’t that bad. It’s not weird or dirty or even all that different. It’s basically just a rip-off Grilled. And if anything, the worst thing about Goody’s is a sign that reads “ROCK THAT BURGER,” which is uncool for the same reasons Kmart surfwear is uncool. But that’s it.

I ordered a veggie burger and my friend Ben went with a cheeseburger. The woman at the desk was quick and polite. Everything was fine and we wondered what everyone's problem was.

From what I’d read earlier on Zomato, everyone’s problem was the food. “The.worst.burger.ever.in.Melb!” wrote one person who called themselves I Love Food, but apparently also has a lot of hate. So when this tray came out, again, I was like really? That’s the worst?

The veggie burger was sensational. The bread was fresh, the potato pattie thing was hot, and it came with a fuck load of iceberg lettuce.

Ben was into his fries but he said the cheeseburger tasted like it’d been steamed. But Ben says that about everything.

While we munched we got talking about Zomato and how the democratic power of random jerks can sink small businesses. Weeks earlier I’d called the owner of Goody’s—a nice guy named George Iliopoulos—and I asked him how he was feeling and why he thought people were so angry. “I don’t know,” he told me. “In Greece, where the company is based, we have 31 stores and Goody’s is very popular. I brought the franchise here and I’ve been surprised at how people have responded.”

He told me that they’d brought in some head honchos to try and fix the issue and hired some new chefs. He told me they were on the up, but they still didn’t know what to do about Zomato. “It seems some people just want to complain,” he told me. “And those reviews stick around for a long time.”

After lunch I read some more reviews and realised what everyone’s problem is. Their problem is they don’t get it. See, Goody’s isn’t a place for lunch. Goody’s is more of a place to head after Friday knock-offs. It’s a place where dudes yell, “How’s your night been, alright?” and the toilet is for power-napping. Goody’s are open until 2 AM and their beer is cold, so they’re basically Australia’s most awesome kebab-free kebab shop.

We left feeling bloated and wonderful. We’d had a great lunch, and in a way I felt a bit like I’d gone back in time and defended the guy who always got bullied.

So anyway, drop what you’re doing right now and go write Goody’s a gushing review. Not because this is some bullshit branded article—it’s genuinely not—but because they’re the worst rated restaurant in the whole country and that’s actually kind of impressive.

Follow Julian on Twitter or Instagram

These Were the Biggest Scientific Developments of 2017


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The Royal Society was founded in 1660, self-styled as an "invisible college" of natural philosophers and physicians. Over the course of its near 400-year history it’s appointed more than 8,000 Fellows, with the likes of Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking and Jocelyn Bell Burnell all assisting the Society in its function of enhancing our knowledge of the Earth and universe.

It's highly unlikely that you or I will ever make the "substantial contribution to the improvement of natural knowledge" that is the requisite for the Society’s Fellows. Which is why, when tasked with providing a top-line overview of 2017’s biggest scientific developments, I didn’t dip into the vaults of my own knowledge, but instead got on the phone with two of the Royal Society’s finest minds.

Sir John Skehel is a molecular biologist whose pioneering work on influenza helped see him knighted in 1996, while Alex Halliday is a Professor of Geochemistry at Oxford University whose most recent work focuses on the early development of our solar system. Interviews have been edited for length and clarity.

SIR JOHN SKEHEL

VICE: Hi John, what would you say is the biggest scientific development of the past year?
Sir John Skehel: Genome engineering has hit the headlines because it’s become possible to manipulate genomes [the map of your body’s DNA] in cells much more simply. That’s because of the work on a particular system called CRISPR/Cas9.

And what does it enable scientists to do?
Very crudely, CAS9 is an enzyme which, when associated with what we call a guide RNA, can enable us to insert a new sequence of DNA into a genome. That might allow you to knock out a particular gene in a cell, or introduce a particular gene, or correct a particular mutated gene that you want to work better.

So, could you effectively "cut out" the DNA that causes particular inheritable illnesses in humans? Or even design embryos to a particular DNA specification?
Potentially.

This must produce lots of ethical questions.
Absolutely. Biological scientists of the world have gathered together to try and get some agreement about when such techniques can be used to modify animals, humans and any form of life. There needs to be rules of ethics and regulations as to when it can be used, how it should be reported and if it should be used at all. It’s an impact of biological science that has huge potential ramifications.

How could it be used in animals?
You could imagine it could be used, for example, to manipulate mosquito DNA. This might be attractive to prevent particular diseases, like malaria. Alternatively, you could hypothetically construct animals which have particular phenotypes [physical characteristics]. This could be very interesting for the meat industry. [Researchers in American have already started breeding hornless cows.] But both issues are fraught with ethical considerations.

How long do you think it will take for agreements to be reached regarding the ethics of this?
The appetite for it amongst the scientific community is good, and I suspect within five years regulations will be drawn up and agreed internationally.

Thanks, John.


WATCH: The Virus That Kills Drug-Resistant Superbugs


VICE: Hi Alex, what have been the biggest developments in your fields this year?
Alex Halliday: In astrophysics, the biggest breakthrough was the recording of gravitational waves emanating from the collision of two neutron stars colliding. The researchers were able to see the visible results of this collision, and the exceptionally bright object that was formed.

So what does this mean, in layman’s terms?
It’s not just an amazing gravitational wave observation, but also brings together several important elements of astrophysics or even geochemistry: how the elements are made, where gold comes from. It’s a phenomenally important way of looking at the processes of the universe.

Could it affect the way people think about the formation of the universe?
One of the limitations with trying to observe the formation of the universe is that the initial temperatures were so incredibly high that the early universe was a plasma; in that environment, no light was able to escape. So that had to cool down, which took about 380,000 years. Gravitational waves aren’t affected by the existence of that plasma. In other words, gravitational waves from the Big Bang and the earliest processes would be able to escape. We could study these and it could provide us with an understanding of what happened in those first years of the universe.

An illustration of the big bang. Image: geralt / Pixabay, via

That is exciting. Anything else?
It’s a different field, but there’s been significant data revealed that the so-called "climate change hiatus" [a period between 1998 to 2012, in which it was thought global temperatures weren’t rising as sharply as before] did not actually occur. Data released in the summer suggested that, beyond some localised slowdown, temperatures have continued to rise as before.

Where did the concept of the hiatus come from?
Much of the hiatus theory was based on an effect in the Central Pacific [higher-than-average wind speeds above the Pacific led to heat being stuck underneath the surface of the water where readings were taken, leading to cooler temperature readings]. Also, it’s very difficult to build monitoring stations in the Arctic and Antarctic – which we know is warming rather quickly. We are now doing so, and this will give us better data, which can correct the earlier projections. There will always be local variations anyway.

So is this the final nail in the coffin for climate change deniers?
I don’t think climate change deniers are based in a scientific way of thinking, but it’s an important step. There’s always an issue around climate skepticism because people with vested interests don’t want to be limited in what they do. So we have to be careful and honest in what we do, but it was important to be able to show the hiatus has gone away.

How frustrating is it dealing with climate change deniers?
There’s at least an 80 percent chance that climate change is real – more like 90 percent. There’s a danger, because scientists tend to be cautious so they don’t get accused of scaremongering. But the economic, social and humanitarian consequences of climate change could be significantly worse than what people are predicting. I just think we should do more to ignore deniers now. It’s not really a scientific discussion any more.

Thanks, Alex.

@Gobshout


People Tell Us Their Holiday Horror Stories of Confronting Unwoke Relatives

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The sexist cousin, the homophobic grandfather, the aunt who refers to Brazil nuts as “n-word toes” and then laughs about it. Then there’s the dad who tosses around “that’s so gay” like he’s a dumb high school kid in 2005 and the grandmother who blames immigrants for, well, pretty much everything. Coming together for the holidays means facing the generational gap, but also the social awareness gap. With endless Trump and #metoo headlines, it’s bound to come up this year.

When someone in your family commits one of these conversational missteps (atrocities?) you pretty much have two options: say something or don’t. I think we can all agree that standing up to bigotry is the right thing to do, but what if that means ruining a potluck or even risking a relationship?

If you’re queer or a person of colour, the burden of socially enlightening someone (or trying to) shouldn’t necessarily fall on your shoulders. For white and otherwise privileged folks, it should theoretically be more of a priority. Either way, the stakes can feel uncomfortably high—especially if the goal of your evening is simply to eat and drink yourself into numbness while A Charlie Brown Christmas plays on loop.

In the hopes that we might learn by example, VICE asked people for stories of confronting their bigoted relatives, and they shared their not-always-perfect recollections. Because sometimes Uncle Tod needs to be told.

*Names have been changed

Natalie*

I've had a few sparring matches with pretty much everyone in my immediate family, but my dad is a classic troll and will say things deliberately to offend my mom or me. I’ve had varying degrees of success when dealing with him.

The most successful time was when he started making jokes about Rihanna having been assaulted. I scrunched up my face, gestured to my partner, and said, "Would that be funny if he did it to me?" and my dad shut up. The idea somehow hadn't occurred to him. I try to avoid the whole "she's somebody's daughter" rhetoric, since it's a compromise to have to appeal to his love for me to get him to show basic respect for someone else. But I think it worked because he knew from the beginning that what he was saying was wrong and that the callousness of it was the whole joke. My question made it impossible for him to remove his emotions from it, and I think made him acknowledge that the situation was different to him because she was a black woman. He hasn't made as much as a Honeymooners reference since.

The least successful was at the dinner table after he had made a comment about some women he worked with. I grilled him on what he meant by it (“What do you mean when you call them 'your girls'? Who do you mean when you say 'they're all' hard working?”) until it escalated to him accusing me of being judgmental and too sensitive and me accusing him of being racist, sexist, and patronizing. He went out for a rage smoke and when he came back I loudly explained Sara Ahmed's writing about the Feminist Killjoy to my mother without looking at him. This somehow did not open his mind to criticism.

Andy*, 26

I was on a road trip with some family and we were driving through reserve land. I forget how exactly the discussion started, but my cousin started making comments about how pointless it is for the government to be giving tax breaks and other forms of “handouts” to Indigenous people. His argument was one we’ve probably all heard before: get over it and why should we be paying for the mistakes of our ancestors?

I said something like, “How dare you say ‘get over it,’ given all your privilege? How can you even pretend to understand?” I was quick to accuse him of ignorance, which was definitely the wrong move since my cousin can be quite defensive if he feels like I’m playing the I-have-more-education-than-you card, which is something I’ve done before, though not proudly. My cousin continued to say that land acknowledgements are pointless, and this set me on fire all over again. I told him he needed to read up on the issue, or talk to some people, before making uneducated judgments. We argued pretty intensely in the back seat as the rest of the family stayed silent upfront. I think the Tragically Hip was playing on the radio. It was all a very Canadian experience (we saw a bear later) and I ended up crying, which always happens when I argue with family.

I’ve temporarily given up discussing this issue with him. I’m probably not even the right person to do much educating when it comes to Indigenous issues because I am white, and so I will always have blind spots. I also have an otherwise great relationship with my cousin—I don’t want to damage it. He’s smart, generous and probably kinder than me in a lot of ways. But his unwillingness to listen on this particular issue is something that constantly bothers me. I don’t know if it will ever be fixed.

Michael, 25

When I was 14 years old I lived with my grandmother while I was going to high school in downtown Ottawa, and during this time she always said things in passing that were really homophobic or racist. I went to an arts school and sometimes she’d pick me up and comment about how many fags there were and how she was uncomfortable about me spending time in an area with so many Pakistani and Indian people—because it was a really racially diverse area. At the time I was privately coming to terms with the fact that I was gay, and she used to ask constantly about whether I’d be bringing home a girlfriend soon. She was worried that, because I went to an arts high school, I was going to turn out gay. I even had to bring friends over for dinner posing as girlfriends because it was the only way to get her off my back.

A couple years went by and I moved away to go to university. Then I went back to Ottawa for my 20th or 21st birthday. It was also Thanksgiving, and so we went to her place. My uncle, who I hadn’t seen in about 10 years and who had just been released from prison, was there and he kept looking at me weirdly the entire night. I felt super uncomfortable. Then he went to the kitchen and told my grandmother that he thought I was gay. And so we had a very ugly conversation.

She asked me, “Is it true?” and I said, “Yes it is” because I didn’t feel like I could hide it anymore.

She looked away like she’d been stabbed or something. She was appalled, blamed my parents—primarily my mother for not making me join the military when I was a child. It was a huge big discussion and I haven’t spoken to her in five years because she threw me out that night, on my birthday and on Thanksgiving because she didn’t want me in the house. I haven’t seen or heard from her in five years. She also cut my family out completely. She won’t speak to my mother or father. My dad even had a cancer scare last year and she screened the phone call.

I just think of it this way: if she was worth having in my life, she would be in my life. But I don’t want that kind of anger, that darkness and hatred, around me. She feels better when she’s surrounded by people who share her views, but that group is growing smaller and smaller as the times go forward.

Audrey*, 27

Once, my uncle made a bad joke during Patricia Arquette's winning Oscar speech for the movie Boyhood when she dedicated her award to single mothers. My cousins and aunts and I rolled our eyes at the joke (which was something along the lines of boohoo, cat-ladies divorced everywhere have it so hard with incoming alimony, child support etc). We paused the show (Thank God for PVR Pause so we didn't miss any Chris Rock hosting moments), explaining that single motherhood is nothing to poke fun at and it isn't pathetic or attention-seeking for Arquette to shed light on this. It was a moment of raw, genuine reaction from both parties and ended up being a good discussion about feminism, jokes at others’ expenses and empathy. I stress-ate a lot of tostitos and salsa afterwards but it was well worth it.

Maria*, 32

I was at my family’s lake house for my annual vacation from stress. There’s no cell service there and no wifi, so unless you tune into local radio on an actual radio, there’s no way to know about what’s going on in the world. A few years before this trip I’d blissfully basked in a lounge chair in the sun and I didn’t even know that Amy Winehouse had died until several days later. It means escape.

It also means a lot of swimming, napping, reading, eating, drinking, and quality time with just the family. I was with my parents and my grandmother. She was a very cool person and I always loved getting to spend time with her. Funny, fun and up to talk about anything. It was a heatwave, fires were burning nearby and we were eating our late-afternoon meal of chips and cheese on the patio. We’d also been drinking for a few hours to stave off the heat and also because we like beer.

As a Vancouver resident we were talking about what everyone can never shut up about: real estate and housing. Because I’m not a rich person I don’t own a home, I rent. And to my grandmother, this seemed unfair.

“Why can’t you own a home?” she asked.

“Because they’re really expensive.”

“Well, we all know why.”

And then I took another sip of beer because I could only imagine what was coming next. At this point, my mom looks nervous, unsure if my calm side or angry side is going to emerge.

“All of these Orientals. They’re buying up everything and ruining the housing market,” she said.

I know nothing about the housing market. I’m no real estate genius, and I basically know nothing about how money works if it isn’t a transaction to purchase a new romper. But I do know that this was super racist. At first I go the reasonable route.

“I know you’re from a different generation, but you can’t say that… What about rich white people?” I ask.

“We’re not talking about them.” Without missing a beat she goes headlong into a diatribe about rich Asian people ruining the city with their money. I barely register what she’s saying. I gulp my beer down fast.

I finish my drink and toss the beer can over the railing and start flailing my arms wildly. I can’t help myself from screaming and I knock over my chair as I get up.

“YOU’RE BEING RACIST! YOU’RE A BIGOT!”

Shaking and buzzing I storm off down to the dock and dive through the smoky air into the cool lake. By the time we fire up the BBQ dinner later on everyone is pleasant, but I had to tread water for a long time to get there.

Follow Mica on Twitter.

Good God, There’s a Lot of Trump-Putin Erotica Out There

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In mid 2016 Alison Rowley, a Concordia University professor of Russian social history, started work on an article about the evolution of Russian leadership cults in the century since the 1917 revolution that spawned the Soviet Union. It was meant to be a technical piece examining how advances in technology have changed the way people produce material culture that build the images of dictators like Vladimir Putin. But around the same time, Donald Trump’s candidacy was heating up, as were stories about his chumminess with and demagogic similarities to Putin. Rowley thought she ought to see if there was any material culture exploring or deepening the narrative of their budding bromance.

She typed “Trump Putin” into eBay to see what showed up and found thousands of buttons, T-shirts, and other items, playing with slogans and sound bites. Some of them were oddly sexual. Then she checked Amazon and found, besides Trump-Putin underwear and coloring books, a trove of slash fiction—a sexualized genre of fan fiction between characters of the same sex. We're talking extremely sexual stuff. Fascinated, she started buying as much of it as she could to build an archive of oddly pornographic Trump-Putin items.

Earlier this year, Rowley published an article in the academic journal Porn Studies, unpacking her deep dive into Trump-Putin kitsch and quasi-erotica. Entitled “‘Trump and Putin Sittin’ in a Tree: Material Culture, Slash and the Pornographication of the 2016 US Presidential Election,” the piece explored what all this junk means, why it exists, and how that sexualization bleeds into mainstream culture. (Think Alec Baldwin’s Trump kissing Putin on SNL in late 2016, Stephen Colbert referring to Trump’s mouth as Putin’s cock holster in May, or any article about Trump and Putin referencing a romantic entanglement.) VICE recently caught up with Rowley to talk about her ongoing research on Trump-Putin slash fic and kitsch. She told us what it was about this that drew her in, how much sexualized content there is, and why it’s culturally important.

VICE: When you first found Trump-Putin kitsch and erotica, what was your interest in it?
Alison Rowley: I was interested in the way these things changed every time there was a new sound bite. Trump would say something and overnight there would be new materials. And I would buy them. I was wondering about that sexualization. [After stockpiling a bunch of books] finally I opened up all these fan-fiction files on my Kindle and went, "Holy shit!” You’re not really aroused by some of these stories, but they’re hysterically funny. And they’re a lot more explicit than what I found on material objects. I thought, OK, I’ve got to figure out what’s going on.

How much exposure did you have to slash fic and the sexuality around it at that point?
None. I felt like a total novice. I just realized I had to write about this because nobody else was. And you don’t have to be an expert in slash culture to find it. If my mother plugged the wrong words into Amazon, she could find these books. Some of this stuff—that’s quite explicit—is now part of the mainstream. You don’t have to look very far. That was the big surprise for me.

Photos from Alison Rowley's collection

Do you collect a lot of Trump-Putin stories from dedicated slash sites? Is it more hardcore than the stuff on Amazon that, as you say, anyone could stumble upon?
I’m doing more research on those sites. [But widely available content] is using every single trope and example and model [from slash]. You have all kinds of approaches to it, from very romantic, to the most extreme parts of slash you can find. The only difference is that it’s on Amazon.

It’s surprising, because a large part of the population doesn’t read slash, and doesn’t understand slash. There are a whole bunch of acronyms that you have to learn. Even some of the pornography that’s being referenced, that’s not exactly stuff you’re aware of [in the mainstream].

Is there something special about Trump and Putin that triggered this widespread, explicit eroticization, or has this type of thing always happened historically?
When we have controversial political moments, they often become sexualized. You go back to the French Revolution, and you find pornographic outpourings about the royal family. In that era, people drew cartoons. Now, people are able to express themselves in a different way online.

Why Trump-Putin? Why isn’t there Obama-Joe Biden stuff? Those two men were clearly very good friends.
Trump has managed to turn himself into a sexual being. Like when on the campaign he talked about the size of his penis. Or when he talks about grabbing women. You can talk about Trump and porn in the same sentence, and it’s believable. If you try to make slash with president Obama and Joe Biden, who don’t discuss sexuality or have over-the-top personas, it’s not as believable. It’s harder to read a homoerotic subtext into Obama’s relations with anybody. The trigger is Trump. When I looked for Putin fan fiction that predates the Trump stuff, there’s very little. This is Trump unknowingly leading the way to make himself into this kind of image.

I’m sure that makes him an even more attractive target for slash writers.
Oh, if you write slash, you have hit the jackpot. Because, “Finally, we’ve found someone who can give us sound bites we can work with!” He doesn’t filter enough to know how his words could be turned. I also think he’s completely unaware that any of this is happening. I don’t think anyone in the White House now ponders the way political and material culture responds to what is going on.

Are there any other politicians worldwide who are having slash written about them?
Every major political figure in the US is having slash written about them [to varying degrees]. There were stories about Trump and everybody else, like Pence. It’s becoming a part of American political culture. But I have yet to see anything involving Trump and any world leader except for Putin. They don’t have them for Putin and other leaders, either. This seems to be a uniquely American thing, and I don’t think I have any explanation for that.

I don’t think the Russians read any of this. If they did pay any attention to it, I think they would be fine with it because Putin comes across as the strong man who’s the dominant figure… Putin has built his entire political reputation on being a dominant male figure. In the Russian context, every time he wants to shame a political opponent, he will always suggest things like, “So and so, while he was in prison, was of course raped.” He’s undercutting their masculinity.

Has the easy-to-find slash content evolved, or gotten more hardcore, as time’s gone by?
No, it’s been fairly consistent, and that’s surprising. I thought there’d be more of a lead-up, like one person read someone else’s work and went from there. Instead, it’s like it fell from the sky, well into the hardcore. In August 2016, we have full-on hardcore references that last through about February 2017. Now it’s tapering off… But we’re going to have another outpouring. Some materials are already referencing a 2020 campaign. If Trump does run again, we’re going to see another peak of slash and way more material objects again. I don’t think this will go away.

How much bleed do you see between this slash content and mainstream culture and conversations? How important is it, beyond being just this weird internet thing?
It’s a very serious topic. It speaks to an unusual moment in political history. When we talk about the way in which people’s respect for politicians has eroded in the past 20 years… Can you imagine anyone in the Reagan era having this kind of discourse? The answer’s really: No. Now, it seems that anything is fair game. And I don’t know how you get the respect back.

Some critics who know about this slash fic say that it’s homophobic or kink shaming, because it uses a sex between Trump and Putin as a punchline. When Trump submits to Putin, he’s lesser. It deals in gay stereotypes. What do you think about that?
I think they’re playful [stories]. I think they’re written by people who have an absolute acceptance of same-sex relationships. They’re taking something they think would upset Trump and his conservative supporters and they’re going as extreme as they can because they think it’ll have shock value. What I see is that it’s political commentary every single page.

The political satire comes in the language, like the blustery way Trump speaks, constantly referencing “the greatest” throughout the stories. One of the stories is called Putin It in Trump: A Sexy Bromance by Will Smut. He says, “Donald wanted the Russian to make his butthole great again.” It’s playing with the slogans, referencing catchphrases. Throughout the stories you have political moments, so it becomes less about sex between two men and more about political commentary.

You’ve collected a lot more than just slash fic, and a lot of it’s eroticized kitsch. What are some of the other sexualized pieces of Trump-Putin material culture you’re into now?
I’m interested in is the diversity of things. You have scented candles. You’ve got chocolates. I’m resisting, this week, the Vladimir Putin garden gnome. I want this gnome so desperately. It’s a shirtless Putin sitting on a tank with the gun between his legs. It looks like an erect penis. It’s so awful—it’s awesome. Who thinks to make a garden gnome? I really want the Donald Trump sex doll that comes with an erect penis where you put the air in it. I’m loving seeing the sheer creativity people are bringing to the image of these two men. And my bank account’s taken a hit.

How big is your archive right now? How big could it get? How much have you spent?
I bought a really big plastic bin at Wal-Mart. The biggest one they sold. I’m expecting it to be filled. Some things don’t take up much room, like thongs. I’ve been talking to an archivist in the US about what’s going to become of these things. Some of the shirts I bought last year are not available anymore. I want them to survive. I think they will end up in a university archive.

I’m maybe buying 10 percent of what I want. I’m not doing this with a grant. I’m doing this on my own. I try not to think about this, but I’m probably $2,000, $3,000 in. In two weeks—crap, my husband just walked in and is going to hear me say this—I think I’ve spent $400. I have a list in my head: Payday is Thursday. If I pay this bill, this might be left. I could afford that. Yeah, now I’m getting the evil death stare. I wouldn’t be surprised if, by the end, I’m $10,000 into this.

You’re turning this into a book, right? What else are you trying to explore about Trump-Putin slash, the pornification of that relationship, and generally, all of this ?
I want to spend double the amount of time looking at the material items. I want to talk about the stuff on fan fiction websites. I want to go back and look at earlier material on Obama. I’m going to include a chapter on internet memes, which is something I didn’t include before. Eventually, I need to pull up Pornhub and type “Trump Putin” in and see if there are some parodies.

I hope when the book is done, I’ll be able to walk away. I’ve been able to do that in the past [with other archiving projects]. I’m not sure I’ll be able to. But I’m lucky because that line between scholar and collector is fluid. I can always argue that everything I purchase is really for work.

Follow Mark Hay on Twitter.

The Day the Church Stopped Believing Victims

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With the recent abuse scandals in the glittering worlds of cinema, music and journalism, it’s easy to forget that old home of horrifying sex offences: the church. But today, the Church of England returned to the spotlight with the arrival of a report into the handling of a sexual abuse complaint made against Bishop George Bell.

If you’d just taken a cursory glance at the headlines you would probably think a Bishop you’ve never heard of was wrongly accused of being a paedophile. "Church of England smeared bishop as a child abuser on inadequate and unconvincing evidence from just one woman," said the Daily Mail. "Calls for 'Bishop Bell' name to be restored to #Eastbourne school in wake of @c_of_e apology" tweeted BBC Sussex. You’d likely think some new evidence had been found which proves his innocence – but this is not the case.

Bishop Bell, the Bishop of Chichester, was one of the most celebrated clergymen of the 20th century. He was a personal supporter of the German resistance against Hitler, at a time when doing so was seen as appeasement, and gave major support to refugee Jewish children from the Kindertransport during WWII, housing many in the Chichester church. He died in 1958, but his reputation grew, with many schools and buildings named after him.

In 1995, a woman who – to protect her identity – is referred to as Carol made a written complaint to the current Bishop of Chichester, Eric Kemp. In it, she said that five decades earlier, when she was between the ages of five and nine, she was abused by Bishop Bell on visits to the church. She was essentially fobbed off at that point, but in 2012 she repeated the claims in a letter to the Archbishop of Canterbury and they were taken up for investigation.

The crimes she accused Bell of are of the most serious nature, and include Bell wriggling with her on his lap, touching, digital penetration, attempted penile penetration and ejaculation in front of her. She claims the Bishop would say, "This is our little secret: it is God’s wish," and that when he ejaculated he would say: "Suffer little children to come unto me."

The claims were largely investigated by an internal church committee known as the Core Group, not by the police or the CPS. Eventually, that committee decided to publicly apologise to Carol on behalf of the church and award her £16,800 in damages. In the years that followed, Bell’s reputation was tarnished and his name was removed from many of the buildings that once bore it. This outraged a group of establishment types, who found it horrifying that the name of a good man should be besmirched. Chief among them was the conservative columnist Peter Hitchens, who demanded justice for the late Bell and succeeded in helping an independent report that reviewed the way the case was handled.


WATCH:


That review was published today, hence all the news reports, and it does have serious criticisms of the way the church handled the case. There were missed opportunities to investigate evidence, members of the group had "no coherent notion of their roles or what was expected of them", no criminal law expert was instructed to be part of nor to advise the group, and it’s felt that, if a criminal case was to have been made against Bell, there would not have been enough evidence for a strong likelihood of conviction (even though the bar for criminal conviction is higher than needed by the Core Group), among other critiques.

The report’s overarching opinion is that the church took the "easy" route by offering the apology because Bishop Bell is dead, and they felt it would be better to smear a dead man’s reputation than to put a living woman’s sexual assault claim through rigorous investigation.

However, the report is at pains to repeat, over and over again, that it is not an investigation into the legitimacy of Carol’s claims.

It says:

“I have not considered whether or not Carol is a truthful complainant: she may well be.”

And again:

“The view that a [criminal] prosecution would have failed does not mean that Carol has not told the truth”

And again:

“The decision to settle the case in the form and manner followed was indefensibly wrong. In giving that view, again I emphasise that it is not part of my terms of reference to venture an opinion as to whether Carol was telling the truth.”

Crucially, it talks about how the church failed Carol by failing to properly investigate her claim, which may well have led to vindication.

“I have concluded that the Church did not serve Carol well in 1995, whatever the truth or otherwise of her allegations. As Bishop Bell’s successor, Bishop Kemp should have met Carol, or at the very least appointed a responsible person to meet her. He should have set in train a genuine process of inquiry and assessment. I find that the Church failed Carol in 1995.”

It quotes a psychiatrist report taken during the original investigation that says:

“I have no reason to believe that the material allegations are a conscious fabrication.”

The same report raises the possibility of false-memories occurring in a woman of Carol’s age about her childhood as one possible explanation, alongside the possibility that Carol is telling the truth.

So the Church has lessons to learn, and in doing so they can better help victims of abuse.

Yet, this has not been how the story has been reported or commented upon.

Hitchens' Mail column from last night, for example, says he hopes the report’s findings mean that "justice will tomorrow flow down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream" – as if the report speaks to a vindication for Bell, rather than a sensitive situation about serious rape and child abuse that has still not been resolved.

The statement from the George Bell Group which claims the report "thoroughly vindicated the reputation of a man revered for his integrity across the Christian church" as though the report provides new evidence that Carol was lying, which it does not.

You might expect that from pro-Bell writers, but even on the BBC they have taken the report to mean that Bell is likely innocent. On the Today Programme this morning, presenter John Humphrys introduced the item on Bell by saying:

“The church of England is in the dock this morning, charged with destroying the reputation of a bishop by naming him as a paedophile...on the say-so of a single uncorroborated allegation”

He then threw to Martin Bashir, the BBC religious correspondent, who said the report, "speaks to vindication for those friends and supporters of the late George Bell", and Professor Chandler, Bishop’s biographer, who had not read the full report, but said the fact that the "good name of a very courageous figure has been reduced by his own church is one the of the most tragic and deplorable things I’ve ever come across".

Humphrys finished by asking Chandler whether it was now possible to restore the Bishop’s reputation, leading the listener to believe that the Bishop had been cleared.

We live in a society where, whenever possible, we believe victims of rape and child abuse, knowing – more often than not – they won’t have much primary evidence to support their claims. In the wake of Harvey Weinstein, one positive to have come from the many, many allegations is the way in which society has, by and large, sided with the victims rather than the alleged perpetrators – even when the perpetrators seem like nice guys and deny everything. Yet, in the old English backwaters of the Church, that same decency is not being afforded to Carol, who is still alive and having her own reputation unfairly tarnished today. It’s quite possible that the Church should have investigated further and not publicly condemned Bell without more consideration, but that does not necessarily mean that Carol was lying or that Bell was not a paedophile.

Underlying a lot of the thinking in both the report and the outrage from the George Bell Group is that no one else has come forward to accuse Bell. Indeed, he was surrounded by children from the Kindertransport during the war and at other points in his life. This is mentioned repeatedly throughout the report – almost implying that a paedophile is not a paedophile unless they have more than one victim. It should also be noted that people who are abused when they are under eight years old are statistically very unlikely to report it.

Carol is not a young starlet with a large Twitter following and a horde of feminist journalists defending her online; she is an anonymous OAP. For most young people this is a drab story about a world many of us know little of, so the likes of Hitchens have been allowed to dominate the coverage of this story with little pushback. There is no campaign group supporting the rights and life of Carol.

After Hitchens and others first started protesting the decision to compensate Carol, she gave an interview in the Brighton Argus, in which she said that those defending Bell "don’t know how I feel. If it happened to them, how would they feel? It’s almost like they’re saying I should have kept my mouth shut and not said anything. Just do that and his good name goes on, you understand?"

The results of today’s report have done little to change the feeling that a group of old Tories in the Cotswolds are celebrating the silencing of a victim.

The VICE Morning Bulletin

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Everything you need to know about the world this morning, curated by VICE.

US News

Several Women Accuse Dustin Hoffman of Sexual Harassment, Assault
Several women have accused the actor of serious sexual misconduct, from exposing himself to molestation to possibly coercive sex, in two separate reports. Cori Thomas claimed Hoffman exposed himself to her in a hotel room when she was only 16 and asked for a massage. Thectress Kathryn Rossetter claimed he would “stick his fingers inside me” routinely before performances of Death of a Salesman. Hoffman’s lawyer called the allegations “defamatory falsehoods.”—The Hollywood Reporter/Variety

Trump Thanks Putin for Praise

President Trump called Vladimir Putin and expressed his gratitude after the Russian president acknowledged the United States’ “strong economic performance” at his annual press conference, according to the White House. The leaders also discussed the standoff with North Korea during the ten minute call.—Politico

Long Island Woman Accused of Laundering Bitcoin for ISIS

Zoobia Shahnaz, 27, has been charged with fraud and conspiracy to commit money laundering in connection to allegedly funding ISIS. Shahnaz is accused of obtaining credit cards and a loan using false information and using bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies to launder the money on behalf of ISIS. Prosecutors said she may have been trying to fly to Syria when law enforcement made the arrest.—AP

AGs Vow to Sue to Protect Net Neutrality
New York attorney general Eric Schneiderman and several other state attorney generals have promised to sue the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) over its decision to scrap net neutrality rules. The Internet Association, the body acting for tech giants like Google, said it was sizing up a lawsuit as well. The FCC voted 3–2 along partly lines in favor of repealing rules designed to protect consumers Thursday.—The New York Times/VICE News

International News

Australian Catholic Church Urged to Drop Celibacy in the Priesthood
Australia’s royal commission published its final report on sexual abuse and recommended the Catholic Church consider allowing priests to choose whether they remain celibate. It said celibacy had “contributed to the occurrence of child sexual abuse.” The report also advocated a change allowing and possibly encouraging priests to report sexual abuse revealed to them in confession.—BBC News

UK Military Boss Says Russia Threatens Undersea Cables
Sir Stuart Peach, the UK’s chief of defense staff and chair of NATO’s military committee, warned that Russia could disrupt underwater internet cables connecting western Europe and the US. Peach said Russian ships had been seen near the Atlantic cables. He said any break in the link “would immediately—and catastrophically—fracture both international trade and the internet.”— The Guardian

Peruvian President Refuses to Resign
President Pedro Pablo Kuczynski vowed to stay on despite allegations of corruption and calls for his resignation. Brazilian company Odebrecht has said it gave some $4 million to a company owned by one of the president's closest friends, as well as a smaller sum to one of his own firms. The president said he was willing to undergo a congressional investigation into his finances. “I’m willing to defend the truth,” he said.—Reuters

Five Teenagers Killed in French Train/Bus Crash
Five teenagers died when a bus carrying secondary school students was hit by a train at a crossing near the city of Perpignan, France, on Thursday. Photos showed the bus had been cut into two by the moving train. An investigation into “involuntary homicide” is now under way.—France 24

Everything Else

NYPD Opens Investigation into Russell Simmons Claims
The department’s special victims unit has reportedly begun contacting women who accused the Def Jam co-founder of sexual assault, including at least one woman who said he raped her. Simmons vowed to “properly defend myself” in an Instagram post and used the hashtag “#NotMe."—Los Angeles Times

Disney Boss Says Fox Studios Will Survive Despite Buyout
Following Disney’s landmark agreement to buy much of 21st Century Fox for just over $52 billion, chairman and CEO Bob Iger insisted Fox, Fox Searchlight, and Fox 2000 still have a future. “We fully intend to stay in those businesses,” he said.—The Hollywood Reporter

‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ Reportedly Nabs $45 Million Preview
The latest Star Wars movie is projected to have earned the sum from Thursday preview showings, the second most ever taken at such screenings. Star Wars: The Force Awakens took in $57 million during its Thursday preview.—Deadline

‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ Is Coming Back
Only a few weeks after the season nine finale, HBO has announced Larry David's Curb will be returning for another run of episodes. “As I’ve said many times," David said, "when one has the opportunity to annoy someone, one should do so."—VICE

DRAM and Neil Young Drop Collaboration
The Virginia hip-hop artist and legendary singer-songwriter released “Campfire,” a strange, country-soul crossover. The duo recorded it for Bright, Will Smith’s new Netflix movie about an orc becoming a cop.—Noisey

NASA Finds Eighth Exoplanet in Distant Solar System
The agency has revealed the latest results from its work with Google analyzing data from the Kepler telescope. A new planet discovered in the Kepler 90 system means it’s tied with our own solar system for the most known planets in orbit around a single sun in this galaxy.—Motherboard

Make sure to check out the latest episode of VICE's daily podcast. Today we're looking into senior citizens' evolving relationship with weed.

Desus and Mero Investigate Dennis Rodman's Relationship with North Korea

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Dennis Rodman, retired NBA star and famed penis breaker, recently visited The Late Show to talk about his close friend, Kim Jong-un. Donning an unnecessarily strange (but on-brand) shirt, Rodman tried to explain his bond with the North Korean leader to Stephen Colbert.

With this valuable footage in hand, VICELAND's Desus and Mero discussed Rodman's longstanding relationship with Kim Jong-un, and revisited some of the bizarre interviews he's given about him.

You can watch the latest episode of Desus & Mero for free online now, and be sure to catch new episodes weeknights at 11 PM on VICELAND.

You Need to Watch 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi' This Weekend

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Looking for some stuff to catch up on this weekend? Whether it's TV, movies, books, or anything in between—VICE has you covered. Read on for our staff recommendations on what to take in during your downtime:

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Look, what do you want me to say here? It's the new Star Wars movie. Everyone on Earth is going to see this goddamn thing. Do you really want to be left out? Also, it's apparently very good. Remember when three Star Wars movies in a row were terrible? So do I. Aren't you glad we moved past that? Same. So when are you seeing The Last Jedi this weekend? —Larry Fitzmaurice, Senior Culture Editor, Digital

Dark

If a German time-travel murder mystery sounds like your idea of a Friday night, then Netflix’s Dark is definitely for you. Whether you choose to watch all ten episodes with subtitles or in the wonky English-dubbed version, the complex, generational whodunit plays with Primer-level physics and a swelling fear of nuclear disaster in a way that will surely please those of us who are still depressed that Twin Peaks: The Return is over, Mindhunter went by too fast, and Stranger Things wasn't strange enough. Between a massive ensemble of characters, love triangles, and possible incest, and a nerdy John B. McLemore clock guy, massive underground cave network, and creepy subterranean bunker, you may find yourself wanting to pull an all-nighter trying to map everything out. But before you spin to Charlie Kelly levels of chart-making, know that Dark is going to leave a lot of things unanswered, and will likely prompt much bigger questions than you could have ever had to begin with. —Lauren Messman, Associate Editor

Bird Boy: The Forgotten Children

Bird Boy: The Forgotten Children is an animated throwback to the hopelessness of being young and hating your school, parents, and hometown—but it's definitely not a kid's movie. The setting is an apocalyptic island so depraved that the few children who haven't conformed to its cruelty can focus on nothing but escape. The titular character, Bird Boy, has escaped school and is on the lam from canine police officers who brutally murder every bird they see, just for being birds. The style Spanish directors Alberto Vázquez and Pedro Rivero employ is enthusiastically emo, and any frame would look at home on a Hot Topic display rack. The pure awfulness of the world drives forward a compelling story about trying to escape tainted roots and start anew. While bleak, Bird Boy is also fantastical: a coming-of-age story for those who don't necessarily need a happy ending when there's as much wrong in the real world as in the animated ones. Bird Boy: The Forgotten Children screens in select theaters in New York and LA this weekend. —Beckett Mufson

Molly's Game

Poker princesses don’t wear pink in Aaron Sorkin’s father-daughter sports drama couched in an élite high-stakes poker "true story," but the colour of the text on the title card still (inexplicably?) does. Though handsome cinematography and facile performances lend intrigue to the West Wing writer/director’s patronizing adaptation of Molly Bloom’s tell-enough, his questionable personal relationship to the real events depicted make a Zero Dark Thirty of yet another honest-to-greatness performance by Chastain. Come for the indefatigably Bond-worthy Idris Elba as Bloom’s own Atticus Finch and stay for a second-hand glimpse of Tobey Maguire’s latent sadism via a cannily diabolical Michael Cera. Anyway, I liked it. Use Duck Duck Go if you want to look up what really happened. —Emerson Rosenthal

All or Nothing: The Fearless Performances of Daniel Day-Lewis

THERE WILL BE BLOOD, Dillon Freasier, Daniel Day-Lewis, 2007. Paramount Vantage, courtesy Everett Collection (via The Quad)

The man, the myth, the legend concludes a four-decade career on Christmas Day with the release of Paul Thomas Anderson's thrilling Phantom Thread, but you can revisit the quintessential method actor's legacy of chameleonic performances at New York's storied Quad Cinema (now through December 24). A litany of Day-Lewis's best films, including In the Name of the Father, The Last of the Mohicans, My Left Foot, There Will Be Blood, and Gangs of New York are on view, many in their original 35mm formats. Grab your Moviepass—graciously accepted at The Quad—because after watching Phantom Thread, you're going to wish you had also seen everything that came before it. —ER

An Evening of Art and Astrology at MoMA

If Mercury in Retrograde's got you bummed, balance it out with some art and astrology at MoMA this Sunday. The evening is inspired by the museum's current exhibition, Charles White—Leonardo da Vinci. Curated by David Hammons, an exhibition that explores the artistic and astrological connections between two artists born over 450 years apart. Exhibition organizers will chat with astrologers and artists about creativity and community through the lens of the Zodiac and tarot, and afterwards attendees can wander MoMA's galleries for an after-hours, tourist-free look at the exhibition. Plus there'll be an open bar, so win-win. —Kara Weisenstein

Nude Art Modeling Allows Me to Travel the World

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I've posed among ancient Mayan ruins in the Yucatan peninsula, reclined across white sand beaches in Queensland, and balanced on rocks in a crystal clear Irish lake at sunrise. I've looked out from the bow of a Californian shipwreck like a figurehead and posed nude on horseback in the deserts of Utah. This is just a small sampling of the incredible places my job has taken me in the last two-and-a-half years. At the age of 24, I've had the privilege of visiting 32 countries across five continents—something I never would have been able to accomplish without freelance art modeling.

Photo by Dan Van Winkle

It all started for me back in 2011, when I was 18 and living outside of Toronto. One of my friends was doing “trade for print” (TFP) shoots, where no money is exchanged, for hobbyist photographers. There was one shoot in particular that she showed me, which I loved. The photographs were tasteful nudes, shot with natural light and processed in black-and-white. Modeling looked like something fun to do on the weekends, so I made an account on Model Mayhem and set up a few TFP shoots in the area.

My first dozen shoots were clothed. And if I'm being honest, they were pretty awkward. I was not a natural at all, and could not figure out how to pose or emote. Despite this, I loved the end results. They really helped to boost my self-esteem. Looking back, I find most of those images pretty embarrassing, but at 18 I thought they were great.

Photo by Adrian Holmes

After awhile, a photographer I had worked with before approached me about doing a nude art shoot on a set he had built. He had this big wooden box filled with lights at his studio. He wanted me to pose inside the box for some silhouetted shots. Nudity never really bothered me, and I liked his idea, so I decided to go for it. I was surprised to learn that I felt far more comfortable posing nude than I did with my clothes on. I began booking paid nude shoots on the weekends around my university schedule. It quickly became my only income. When I graduated with a bachelor's degree in social work, I spent the majority of my time modeling while I applied for jobs in my field.

Photo by Alex Images

I went on my first “modeling tour” for two-and-a-half weeks during in the summer of 2015. The tour took me around Western Canada and gave me my first real taste of full-time modeling. I loved the experience of working with such a diverse group of photographers within such a short period. Their creativity was inspiring.

It was during that tour that I began to seriously consider the possibility of modeling full-time. I figured that if it didn't work out, I still had my degree to fall back on, so I decided to go for it.

It didn't take long for me to realize that, in order to make a good living, it would be necessary for me to travel as often as possible. When you stay in one place, your client base is limited, and there are fewer opportunities to shoot. But if you hit up several cities in a row for a short time, demand is higher, and you can work all day every day for the duration of your trip. These days, I spend at least a half of my year touring. My rates are sitting comfortably at $125 per hour and $800 per day, which allows me the financial freedom to pursue an additional two months of personal travel per year (on top of my touring schedule). A brand new model, on the other hand, can typically expect to earn $50 per hour or $300 per day, whereas the most sought-after models can earn upwards of $150 per hour or $1000 per day.

Photo by Andrew Balfour

A lot of people assume that touring is “glamorous,” but the majority of the time, this is not the case. One of the greatest misconceptions is that I get people to fly me out to all of these incredible places—but that is actually quite rare. Since I don't have an agency, I normally decide where I want to work. Like many in my field, I pay for the travel arrangements out of my own pocket. I then notify photographers that I will be in their area either by posting about it on various social media platforms, or by sending them personal messages. That is how I am able to fill out my schedule and turn a profit.

Photo by Foto Kammer

As far as clients go, mine are pretty diverse, but they generally fall into one of four categories. By far the most common of these is the hobbyist. Foto Kammer, for example, is a software engineer. We first worked together in Canada, but we both ended up immigrating to California, so that's where the majority of our collaborations have occurred. Our shoots have all focused on artistic nudes, and almost always take place in beautiful outdoor landscapes. Generally speaking, most hobbyists that I've worked with don't focus on getting their photos published, since they are shooting mainly for their own personal enjoyment.

Photo by Foto Kammer

The second group of people who tend to hire me are full-time professionals who make their living in a different genre of photography. When I met Toronto photographer Adrian Holmes, his income primarily came from shooting events, interiors, and corporate/personal portraits. We have worked together several times for his personal projects, all of which have involved artistic nudes in unique indoor locations, such as a grandiose mansion, an abandoned bunker, and a historical house. Some of our work together has been displayed at an art show in Toronto.

Photo by Adrian Holmes

A handful of times per year, I will also have the opportunity to work with full-time fine art photographers like Steve Richard. Steve hired me to model for one of his two-day workshops in Hamilton, Ontario. At the workshop, he taught photography and studio lighting techniques to eager participants. This is the most common scenario in which I get to work with professional art photographers, though they sometimes hire me for their ongoing projects as well.

I also occasionally work with more traditional types of artists, such as painters and sketch artists. In March, I had the privilege of working with Sergio Lopez in his Santa Rosa-based studio for a series of reference photos. He then used these images to create new surrealist oil paintings which were recently displayed at the Rehs Contemporary Galleries in NYC.

Falling in Love, 2017. Oil on linen art panel by Sergio Lopez

Although the majority of my clients are good people, there is the occasional bad apple. I always recommend checking references, but I must admit that with the volume of shooting I do—approximately 250 shoots per year at this point—I simply do not have the time to research every person I work with. Therefore, the most important tools I have for staying safe are my intuition and common sense. People who are overly complimentary about my assets, message "just to chat" at random hours, request “additional services,” or who appear to be using a fake portfolio, raise red flags for me. I simply avoid working with these people, which I'm sure has spared me from a lot of negative encounters.

Although I try to use my best judgement, I do occasionally end up in uncomfortable situations. I’ve been spanked, ogled, and had photographers intentionally sneak photos that show more than was previously agreed upon. One time in LA, a photographer wanted me to sign a model release stating that he had not forced me to do anything against my will before the shoot even began. When I refused, he told me he was ex-military, and that if he wanted to hurt me, he could block every exit. Thankfully, he was bluffing. Compared to many other models, my experiences have been quite mild. Despite the risks, I love my job and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Photo by Foto Kammer

Sadly, I am aware that my career has an expiration date. Although freelance modeling tends to accommodate a larger variety of looks and body types than agency modeling, it is generally important to have a youthful appearance. For this reason, I've found it prudent to have a retirement plan. Up until recently I thought I would go back to social work, but I've grown too accustomed to the freedom of self-employment. Thankfully, my parents taught me to be responsible with money, so I am quite close to to purchasing my first investment property. My plan is to have at least two or three pieces of real estate generating rental income by the time I retire from full-time modeling. In the meantime, I plan to make the most of the years I have left by creating the best art I can in as many corners of the world as possible.

Visit Sienna Hayes on her website, Instagram, Patreon, and Model Mayhem.


I Partied With One of Sydney's Biggest Gangland Kingpins

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Before he was murdered outside the home of an associate in November 2016, Pasquale Barbaro was one of the most controversial figures in Australia's underworld. According to crime journalist Keith Moore, "Barbaro was a member of the notorious and powerful Calabrian mafia"—and considered the biggest drug dealer in Sydney.

At the time of his death, Barbaro was known to be "mixing with bikies, Middle eastern gang heavies, and various drug dealers from differing nationalities." Another rumour was that Barbaro was running a similar business model to Boston gangster Whitey Bulger, and openly extorting key figures of the Sydney underworld while working with police in secrecy as a high-level informant for the Australian Crime Commission.

In any case, Barbaro ended up dead. To get more a sense of who he really was, and how he came undone, VICE met up with a guy we'll call "Robbie." Robbie recalls how they met one night at Barbaro's Kings Cross strip club, Dollhouse, and how that one night revealed a lot. We got him to tell the story.

VICE: Okay, let's start with how you guys met.
Robbie: So my boss awarded our firm a bunch of bonuses because we had almost doubled our target. So, naturally, we all decided to hit the Cross and party with strippers. Halfway through the night I saw four massive tattooed guys at the bar. I was trying to avoid eye contact and just order my drinks but the bartender interrupted, pointed to Pasquale and said, "He's paying." He must've seen how much we were spending and wanted to return the favour or something. Apparently he owned the place. I said thanks and, before I knew it, I was following him into a private room to snort lines off strippers. I was a bit anxious at the beginning, but the Dutch courage kicked in and I thought fuck it, YOLO. It escalated really quickly. I transformed from a slurring drunk to a paranoid tweaker in a heartbeat.

What was your first impression of Pasquale?
His ego. He certainly made you feel like he was running the show. He got in people's faces. He always stared me straight in the eyes every time we spoke. If he trusted you he was very open about what he was involved in. I never got the impression he was an informant, but I guess its not the kind of thing anyone in that world would share. He always made a point of aggressively detesting authority of any sort. He always dressed sharp, wore heaps of jewellery, and obsessed over his gangster persona. His iPhone screensaver was a picture of John Gotti. He told me he had the same watch as Rick Ross, except his was covered in VVS diamonds. I don't even know what VVS means but it sounded cool .

What were his friends like?
One of them kept calling me a squarehead, and asking why I was acting so paranoid. They kept laughing and asking whether I was a jack. They were all massive, tattooed, and looked like action figurines. It all seemed like a weird test, to see if they could intimidate me or something. They warmed up to me pretty quickly though. I think it was because they had this Wall Street idea of what I did for work; they probably thought I could magically turn their money into a fortune overnight by playing the stocks. They made a point of telling me when they dropped out, and how they "didn't do the school thing"—as if the earlier you dropped out and the more money you made certified your status in some kind of gangster hierarchy.

It was weird, nobody really felt love for each other. It all felt hyper-real, they were all expressing their love and loyalty in this amped up, MDMA kind of way. Pasquale was definitely the centre of attention. His mates just had their eyes on the coke and jewellery, but he couldn't tell what their intentions were or at least he didn't want to admit it. Pasquale kept reminding everyone that they could do whatever they want and have whatever they wanted, as long as they were with him. Everything was taken care of. There were no rules. We literally could do whatever we wanted and no one would blink an eye. I guess, in a room full of crims, what I thought was crazy or outlandish, was actually pretty ordinary.

Wolf of Wall Street vibes.
It felt like that on steroids. Everyone was in really expensive, flowery silk Versace shirts, diamond chains, and gold teeth. The party probably had more in common with a YMCMB rap video than Wolf of Wall Street. I used to always wonder whether criminals were overhyped or glamourised, whether they really party like that. They really fucking do, but its way more intense when you're actively participating.

I asked Pasquale why he was involved in this stuff—when he obviously had successful businesses and considerable wealth—but he just shrugged and ignored the question. An hour later, there were three girls escorting me out to the back room and he just looked over to me, laughed, pointed to the girls and said, "That's why." We were all too high to go home so we kicked on at Pasquale's house. That's where everything went pear shaped.

What was his place like?
It was huge and there was Versace shit everywhere. He had posters of classic Hollywood mafia characters and kept obsessively showing me his Instagram page. He kept comparing what we were doing with Dan Bilzerian's posts, and he was sending private messages to Ariana Grande saying he was going to take her out when she was in Melbourne. He had a massive round table that could fit about 20 people. We brought a few of the girls back and kept snorting. We must've gone through about half an ounce between four people, and we were still going strong. There was a salad bowl full of pills too, which everyone was chewing like they were Skittles.

Were you scared at all?
Not really, I was too high. It hadn't really settled in. And every time I thought I was sobering up we would have another three lines, each one the length of my hand. Seriously, they were so long I had to take a breath half way. I was just going with the flow. But everything started getting weird when the sun came up. I'd have moments of clarity when I'd look at the girls we were with and I could see, with HD clarity, all the work they'd done to their bodies and faces. They looked like blown up, plastic dolls. And the guys were just using them for their "assets." Basically treating them like blow-up dolls. There was no emotion involved, they didn't even really talk. But the girls loved being with these guys, in this weird objectified way, they were fighting for attention. Pasquale gave them nothing, he just walked around like the orchestrator of the procession. He was the king of the party and he knew it.

When I finally told him I was thinking of leaving, he was asking why and what I needed. He couldn't comprehend why anyone would want to leave the Dan Bilzerian-esque fiasco he had started. I don't know why, but in the middle of all that shit he looked really lonely. He was getting a lap dance, surrounded by burly dudes, but he wasn't present, he didn't care, he wasn't satisfied. Maybe he knew it wasn't real. He couldn't buy the one thing it seemed he didn't have, someone that genuinely cared about him, that he could talk to. And he couldn't work out why he couldn't buy something like that.

Did you ever see him again?
The next time I saw him was on the news, a really brutal picture of him bloody, facedown on the side of a concrete pavement. It was really graphic and gruesome. I remember my partner saying she couldn't believe they were showing it on the news. It was pretty shocking, as was the fact that I partied with these guys as if it was something fun. But the scary thing was that it's not just a show, its fucking real and people die. I realised that's what all that live fast, die young stuff amounts to. It seems like a glossy attractive lifestyle until someone bigger and badder crosses your path, and then the consequences are evidently really fucking scary.

Students in Ontario Are Using Drugs Less—Except Fentanyl

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A survey that asked 11,435 Ontario students about personal drug use has turned up some strange results. Apparently, substance use is down overall for grade 7 to 12 students in the province. But, for the first time ever, the survey asked about illicit fentanyl use—and one percent of respondents in high school reported taking it within the last 12 months.

When taking into account that the survey is supposed to be representative of 917,000 students across the province, that could mean thousands students in Ontario have taken fentanyl. Eleven percent of students in grades 7 to 12 reported taking opioids in general recreationally.

Image via CAMH OSDUHS

Recently released data also showed that Ontario’s opioid overdose death rate spiked 68 percent this year; 336 people reportedly died from opioid ODs in the province between May and July.

The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) conducts the survey that asks Ontario students about their substance every other year. This year, it listed fentanyl use among students as an “emerging issue.”

Drinking and smoking cigarettes, however, are increasingly less popular with students in Ontario. Seven percent of students reported smoking tobacco cigarettes in the last year; 43 percent reported drinking in the last year. Though hacking darts is becoming less popular, e-cigs are a bit more favourable among students: 11 percent reported vaping.

This graph shows trends in Ontario students' substance use over the years. Image via CAMH OSDUHS

Data obtained for the survey was self-reported via anonymous questionnaires in classrooms across the province.

So what else are kids taking these days, besides, apparently, opioids? Use of over-the-counter cold/cough medicine is up, with nine percent of students reporting use. And as for cannabis, which is set to be legal and regulated in Canada by July, 19 percent of students reported using it in the last year.

Accused Neo-Nazi Could Do Life in Prison for Charlottesville Murder

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The man who allegedly drove into a crowd of protestors at a white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, killing one woman and injuring 35 others, was charged with first-degree murder on Thursday, the Washington Post reports. The upgraded charge could land the 20-year-old in prison for the rest of his life.

James Fields Jr. was initially charged with second-degree murder and arrested back in August, after he allegedly rammed his car into another vehicle that shot into a group of counter protestors. The crash, which occurred during Charlottesville's chaotic "Unite the Right" rally, ended up killing a young woman named Heather Heyer, and left eight of the dozens injured significantly impaired.

According to the Post, prosecutors argued in court Thursday that Field's alleged crime was intentional, and announced his charges would be updated to first-degree murder and eight counts of "aggravated malicious wounding." Fields's case is set to go before a grand jury next week and if he's indicted, his case will go to trial. He could spend anywhere from 20 years to life in prison if convicted.

Fields was spotted with white supremacist groups in Charlottesville before the crash, but prosecutors haven't been able to prove that he was linked to any specific organization. According to former classmates and teachers, the 20-year-old was fascinated with Nazism and white supremacy and would openly "proclaim himself as a Nazi."

According to the Daily Beast, Fields's alleged actions have only emboldened some members of the white nationalist community, and many have started threatening Heyer's mother, Susan Bro, after her death. Ahead of the trial on Thursday, Bro told the Daily Beast that she had decided to inter her daughter's ashes in a protected, unmarked spot to avoid unwanted attention from extremists.

"It’s a symptom of hate in society that you should have to protect your child’s grave, for Pete’s sake," Bro told the Beast. "So, I’m protecting my child now."

Follow Drew Schwartz on Twitter.

Judd Apatow Explains His Return to Stand-up Comedy

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Long before becoming the eponymous “guy” in every “From the guy who brought you...” movie trailer, Judd Apatow was just another comedy wonk trying to make it in the cutthroat world of standup in the late 80s and early 90s.

As he watched his contemporaries (and future collaborators) like Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, and Ben Stiller transition into stars of the stage and screen with greater ease, Apatow pivoted away from performing and leaned into writing, both for other comics and for television programs. Smash cut to 2017, and Apatow is one the most successful and prolific writer/directors working in comedy today. And while standup always remained in his peripheral orbit—especially as he became a mentor to comics like Amy Schumer and Pete Holmes—Apatow’s focus has remained behind the camera.

That makes The Return, Apatow’s very first standup special, feel like a full-circle moment. Premiering on Netflix today, The Return finds Apatow fully confident and comfortable on stage as he unpacks his feelings on fatherhood, social media, and growing old in comedy. It’s a welcome return to form.

Apatow hopped on the phone with VICE to discuss his new Netflix special, lessons learned from Garry Shandling, and how it feels getting his groove back after so many years away from standup.

VICE: What made you want to dive back into standup for The Return ?
Judd Apatow: In recent years I started missing it. I started to wonder if there was a way for me to build it back into my life after years of just writing and directing. When we did Trainwreck, I used to go do spots at the Comedy Cellar at the end of each day’s shooting. I had so much fun. It reminded me that standup was my original dream.

Did that itch influence you to become an executive producer of Crashing, which is about the daily minutiae of a struggling comic?
When I met Pete [Holmes] and he told me about his idea for the show, I thought it was the perfect thing to do right now because I’m so interested in standup again. I went ten or 15 years without paying any attention to standup. I didn’t go to the clubs, even for my own amusement. There was a time when I didn’t know who anybody was. Then I thought, Oh that’s a mistake. I’m in comedy, I should be aware of who’s working. Then as I started going to clubs again, I realized how much I missed performing. But I also missed being friends with all the comedians. I didn’t like that there was a whole comedy world out there that I wasn’t a part of. [Laughs]

When and why did you decide to leave standup for film and television writing?
I got really burnt out on standup. I did it when I was 17 until I was 24. I would MC at the Improv five or six nights a week. At the time, I couldn’t have been more obsessed. Then I started getting writing work and that career just started moving much faster than my performing career. I don’t think at the time I had the same passion for performing as I did for writing. I started writing jokes for Tom Arnold and wrote some specials for HBO with him. Then Rosanne asked me to write her nightclub act with her. I wrote the Grammys with Garry Shandling. Then I met Ben Stiller and we created The Ben Stiller Show for FOX. That was so time-consuming that getting back on stage with new material seemed impossible. When that got cancelled, I got a job two days a week working at the Larry Sanders Show and then two days a week working for the animated show The Critic. I just thought, Maybe I’m supposed to be a writer, because things were going better in that area.

The Return touches on fatherhood, social media, and growing old, in very funny but sensitive ways. What made you decide to tackle these themes on stage instead of on film?
Usually when I think of an idea, I think about how it could be a scene or story. I do have to adjust my mind when I have ideas and think about them as something I would talk about in a monologue. Basically you’re just not filtering it through the process of creating original characters. You’re just telling people how you feel or telling them about something that happened to you. That’s fun. I like when crazy things happen in the news, or the fact that I just turned 50, and I get to sit for an hour and write about it and go on stage and talk to people directly. For a movie, it takes years. Sometimes it takes half a decade to get a movie going. It’s a long wait to find out if anybody relates to what you’re trying to do. In standup, the reaction is in real time.

Your special balances traditional standup with experimental, alt-comedy elements, like when you present a slideshow of moments from your life.
I had been doing shows at Largo in Los Angeles, which is a great space for those experimental things. I started blowing up photographs and telling stories in front of the giant photos. Then I started thinking, Would that be something that could work in a special? I wanted to do something in the special that most people don’t do. I do have these really weird stories where I actually have photographs of the incident. Like the time I embarrassed myself in front of Paul McCartney and my friend happened to take a zillion pictures of it. Or what happened when I threw out a pitch at a Mets game. I was lucky there were really funny pictures of how terrible I look doing it. That worked out really well. I’m happy with how it looks in the special.

You’ve mentored so many careers. Who do you turn to when you need advice on writing standup material?
Wayne Federman is one of my favorite standups. I met him the first day I moved to California in 1985 at the Laugh Factory. He went on the road with me and helped produce my special and was great to write with. He’s an awesome sounding board. Pete Holmes and I write jokes together a lot when we’re not writing the show. We like to go on stage together and talk about our new joke ideas. That’s a fun way to kick things around without feeling like you’re going to die alone onstage. Greg Fitzsimmons also writes for Crashing and he’s someone I really admire who I showed the special to. Mike Birbiglia is also someone I’ve learned a lot from. He’s so great at rhythm and telling longer stories. He had a lot of advice about how to do that.

You’re currently making a documentary about your good friend Garry Shandling, who we sadly lost last year. Was there any wisdom he imparted that you brought with you on stage?
Garry was always about getting to the truth. He felt like comedy was about shedding all of your protection and trying to fully reveal yourself. I used to do shows at Largo where we would go onstage together. He hadn’t been doing a lot of standup then, so he liked to just have a conversation on stage. One night he said, “You’re doing really well. The only time it’s not going well is when you try to act like a comedian.” That was amazing advice that I always think about.

Did writing this special give you insight into how you approach your film and TV work, and vice versa?
I think when you don’t speak directly to the crowd, you can get stale. Just the act of staying in a room and talking to groups of several hundred people tunes you into what people are thinking about and what they find funny. It also tunes you into what they’re scared of. In some ways, that affects writing episodes of television or screenplays or any other thing that I do. You don’t want to be a person alone in your house just watching television and losing touch with what people are thinking about. I think it’s really helpful to jump onstage and talk about what happened in the news that day or in my life and ask them how they feel about it. That’s what standup comedy is all about: a communal moment.

What I really like about The Return is how it’s framed around fear: the first words you say are, “It’s an art form not to be terrified.” As someone who’s achieved massive critical and commercial success, what still scares you as an artist?
Creating anything is always scary in a good way, because any success you have had doesn’t guarantee that your next thing will be successful. In a way, you’re always reinventing the wheel every time. If you look at the IMDb of any director you like, some of their movies are terrible, or some of their movies bombed. That leaves you terrified. So you’re going to give it your all, you’re going to put your heart into it, and every once in awhile, it’s not gonna work because it’s all an experiment. Every creative act is an experiment. That is part of what I like about it.

Do you remember the worst time you bombed on stage?
Usually you don’t bomb the entire time, you have moments where things just don’t work at all. You do have to learn to enjoy that though. That’s something that Jon Stewart talks about in my book, Sick in the Head. He talks about learning how to lean into the bomb. There are also people like Norm Macdonald who seem to love when the crowd didn’t like something. He would slow down and luxuriate in the awkwardness. That’s something that I haven’t been great at but I’m trying to get better at because then that becomes really fun. The main thing that nobody wants is just for you to seem out of control and terrified. That’s hard to do when you’re presenting new ideas and a lot of times, the audience doesn’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

So we will see you back on the road any time soon?
I think I will. I’m just not sure when and at what pace, but I’m really excited to be doing this again.

A lot of jokes have been made about the sheer volume of specials that come out every year now. Is there anything you hope people take away from The Return that they won’t find in another special?
I never think too much about what people take from it. I think of it more as, I’m just sharing my life with people and I hope they enjoy it. I never break it down like it’s meant to give them a break from reality or inspire them or make them cry. I don’t think about anything like that. I just look at it like, Here’s an update of where I’m at, and maybe this would be fun for people to listen to and enjoy. And if not, there’s always Season 3 of Narcos.

Rest in Peace, AIM

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Beloved online chat app AOL Instant Messenger died on Friday, USA Today reports. It was 20 years old.

The news isn't exactly a surprise. AOL announced it would shutter AIM back in October and the chat application has long been abandoned by the general population, which fled to new chat apps like Messenger, Gchat, Slack, and WhatsApp. But the loss still tugs at the heartstrings of every millennial who's long tried to forget their embarrassing first screen name. Now, AIM will live on in the land of the eternal away message, where it can finally reunite with the defunct AIMbot, SmarterChild

"If you were a 90s kid, chances are there was a point in time when AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) was a huge part of your life. You likely remember the CD, your first screen name, your carefully curated away messages, and how you organized your buddy lists," Michael Albers, VP of communications product at Oath—Verizon's entity that owns AOL—wrote in the October announcement.

"AIM tapped into new digital technologies and ignited a cultural shift, but the way in which we communicate with each other has profoundly changed," Albers continued.

The iconic messenger program first launched in 1997, in those halcyon pre-social media days of yore, and quickly became the go-to mode of communication for a generation of awkward tweens aching to interact through the safety of a computer screen. AIM filled our young world with buddy icons, chat rooms, fake identities, and the awkward joys of cybersex—and helped shape our youthful sexualities in the process—at least until MySpace came along.

The buddy lists and screen names and sounds that still trigger deep-rooted Pavlovian responses may be gone, but one piece of the messenger still lives on: BadassBuddy, the best spot for buddy icons on the web, is still up and running, so feel free to pay tribute to the fall of AIM by watching a small pixelated cartoon character hassle old people or whatever, one last time.

Godspeed, AIM. We may have left you for other chat apps, all younger and better and sleeker than you, but your small yellow humanoid logo will always have a special place in our hearts. Goodbye forever.

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